for those who do. i was wondering if things get better. i mean lets just say for example i was tired of all the special rules of what im aloud to do and most certainly not aloud to do. like going out alone or dating issues. physical strength, etc. does any of this stuff get better or are we just kind of stuck and cant de
Transition?
you can but then depending on how long how how far, you'd pay a lot of money .
both financial pay and others, friends you shunned first detransitioning, possibly friends you made after transitioning, and of course breast removal or mamoplasty depending and surgery, now this depends on how far detransitioning you want to do. if just appearing as your original gender then dressing could be all thats needed but elcetrolysis kills the hairs they wont grow back so no beard if you want it and if taking t with out electroylis no clean shaven face anymore just varying costs.
I guess it depends how far along you are. In the position I'm in now I could just quit hrt and that's all. But for some one I'm your position it would be a lot tougher with all the surgeries and the fact you perfectly pass as a woman. Tristan I really hope your not thinking about de transitioning. I would see a therapist first before doing something you'll regret later on.
I would say it depends on the person...if de-transitioning is right for you, then things may very well get better.
If it's not the right thing, it will eat away at you.
Quote from: Tristan on April 27, 2013, 03:05:01 PM
do you mean like you have to pay money in order to undo everything?
It is very rare to "undo everything." You are post-op. You can start taking T, you can try to act "mannish," but you will have a tougher time than our FtMs. Because being "mannish" is not your nature.
What is it you are trying to accomplish? Do you feel trapped by social pressures or by family and friends?
Becoming male again would only give you back the issues you couldn't deal with in the first place before transition. And there is the added problems like Jamie said, of being FtM but not really being a guy in the first place. Sure you have the gay FtM's and effeminate ones, but they are still guys.
It sounds to me like you are trying to run away from something but you are not sure of what it might be exactly, or how to go about implementing a plan of action to deal with it.
So what is it that isn't working out for you? *hugs*
I detransitioned from HRT once....
Awfull awfull mistake...
Life isn't easy as a girl....but it's what mother nature made us
Quote from: Tristan on April 27, 2013, 03:34:41 PM
although it seems like i make poor choices and every time i make a choice its the wrong one these days. i guess thats why so many want to make them for me?
Trust your instincts. Don't let someone(s) force you to detransition. But if you feel really unhappy with yourself and feel like you made a mistake, then maybe try going andro and see how that suits you. It'll obviously be really hard for you to pass as a man now, if not impossible, so I imagine if you chose that route you would have a lot of hard work ahead of you. IMO, I think you should move away from these people and start over. I don't think detransitioning is the right option for you. Also, you offer lots of great advice to people, so i think your decision-making skills are well-honed. Trust yourself.
Quote from: Tristan on April 27, 2013, 03:34:41 PM
Jamie I guess i know i cant undo that one surgery and being manish really is not in my nature. im just trying to find some options right now.
Beth. thats what im really scared of if i did try to not me myself anymore it would just make thing worse.
Heather i had that problem last time i tried to de transition. everyone kept saying miss.
idk.. i might just try to see if i can move away or something to get away from these people. although it seems like i make poor choices and every time i make a choice its the wrong one these days. i guess thats why so many want to make them for me?
The first thing you MUST be, is true to yourself. All else can fall away, the world can end, people hate you...but YOU
must be YOU.
If you seem to be making too many "wrong" choices...then stop making them, stop making any actual choices (i.e., decisions) until you get your feet on the ground again and your head and heart have cleared. You don't "need" anyone in your life, we are all individual people, completely complete with just ourselves.
After you have established who "YOU" are, then invite a few people into your life. (No promises, they may not accept the invitation, but I know I'd be honored to have you in my world) If you need companionship...seriously, consider adopting a pet or even getting a teddy bear. That might sound silly, but when you need a hug, it's better to have one from a short, furry stuffed toy than any "wrongly chosen" person.
*hugs*
It's ok to consider de-transitioning, btw. I'm pretty sure that after you think about it, you'll reject it. But, just as I suggested earlier, don't ACT on a decision until after you get stable emotionally. You are one heck of a beautiful woman!!
*hugs* again :)
I have this feeling that if detransitioning was right for you then there would be no doubts in your mind, you would be sure and you wouldn't be looking for other people's input.
I could be wrong but this is the one thing which keeps coming back to me as I read this thread.
I agree a lot with what Beth Andrea has posted.. you being yourself is the most important thing here, and if you're not sure, then finding yourself needs to be a priority.
You don't actually need anyone in your life, not like you need sleep, oxygen, water and stuff which maintains your health.
The people in your life and the sort of relationships you have with them impact very heavily on how you feel about life and the sort of relationship you have with yourself.
You say that you make bad choices. Okay. So what are you doing towards making better choices?
We spend much of our lives completing cycles. If you were to sit down and think about everything you do in your life, every little thing, you will see that you can identify different cycles.
It's the same story when it comes to forming friendships and relationships, we form them in cycles. Each new friendship and relationship places us at the beginning with a new person and we follow different cycles in our attempts to develop them with others.
Change comes when you break the cycle by starting a new cycle.
This is where I could be wrong, your desire to detransition might be your way of breaking the cycles but if everything is pear-shaped and not working out it's probably not the best time to make long term changes. It's often better to make smaller changes until you have things clearer in your mind and feel more able to cope with the bigger issues.
Sometimes isolation and a bit of introspection is a better way forward.
However I really do hope that things get better for you.
Quote from: Tristan on April 28, 2013, 06:18:43 AM
Thank you every one. It had been a long weekend and your all right de transitioning won't fix anything just make things worse. I have come to the conclusion that I do need to stops long choices for right now and just be more obedient. So I'm going to leave things up to my fella for a while and just fallow his lead. It seems like the best idea for now. Thank you for everyone's input and advice it has really helped me to see things and understand just how off balance I have been with choices and everything
The bold bits suggest to me that you kinda missed the point Beth and Stella were trying to make.
I agree with Kelly. Its seems that in past posts, you have alluded to someone else deciding things for you, even some transition related items and I don't think that its a good way to do things. Choices concerning you, what's done to you and where you go should be yours to make and yours alone. Giving up too much control of your own life is just not right. You may have to change some of your choices based on being a transsexual for safety reasons, but then many women have had to make similar choices just because of being a woman, so there's nothing new there, it just adds another aspect that you have to aware of when making those choices.
And if "friends" or acquaintances are outing you for sport, then stay away from them, find other places to go, new friends that actually respect you and keep yourself out of questionable situations.
I've had to learn how to deal with people, especially men, differently whether they know I'm trans or not. I also am very conscious of the fact that I can't afford to lead any of them on as the reality is that it can bring up a risky situation then or even at a later time. But I do it myself and I don't allow anyone else to live my life or make decisions for me as they don't know enough nor do they always have to deal with the consequences of those decisions as I do.
Quote from: Tristan on April 28, 2013, 08:39:32 AM
It just seems like when others make them for me like the decision to transition things work out ok.
Tristan, I sure hope this is a typo* please tell me it is? If you didnt make the decision yourself to transiton than that is a big red flag, i dont know history or not, but if some one told you to or pressured you too then maybe you need to detransiton if im reading correctly. If this is a typo ignore comment.
well i think what happened was wrong at any age, i think untill 18 parents and so on should ask every year if you want to keep proceeding when it comes to young people, but if your at a place of reflection, then try to get away from everything including the net and famiy like go to a national forrest or a secluded spot where you can be by yourself and just measure where you stand and then you decide what is best for you and you only, and dont forget even women keep learning things by trial and error you never stop learning things and constantly will evolve and change what you do, you just have to decide your choices.
Hey Tristan,
Just relax and talk things over with a therapist. Transitioning and de-transitioning are both really big steps that should be well thought out before acting on them. After some really in depth introspection, you will know what you want. From there you really need to follow your heart. However, don't let anyone talk you into transitioning or de-transitioning. This is your life and only you can make these decisions. I am a bit confused about your situation because you always seemed happy with your transition, but in this post you seem to be indicating that you are doing it for the sake of others. Whatever the case is, you need to choose the path that makes YOU happy. Good luck with everything. I really hope you find your path.
Tristan just be true yourself. Don't let anyone talk you into doing something that you don't want to do. You have to live your life, and not have someone else tell you how you should or shouldn't. After all it's your life.
If you make a mistake, big deal chalk it up to a learning experience. Everyone makes mistakes.
I'm not going to make any comment regarding your decision to transition or how it came about. I'm not here in the capacity of a judge.
However that saying I still feel that you need to find a way of maybe taking a bit more responsibility for some of the stuff that goes on in your life.
You can't go on through life saying 'I keep making bad choices' or 'I don't know x' and letting other people deal with stuff for you.
Dealing with people is pretty much straightforward. People will look at you and follow your lead. If you don't respect yourself and treat yourself like trash, then they won't respect you and will treat you like trash. If you respect yourself and assert your individuality then people will respect both you and your individuality.
It all starts from within. My guess is that you've got so much there in the palm of your hand, you need maybe some self-esteem or confidence in yourself. Surely it's better to work on that than to throw everything away?
Quote from: Tristan on April 28, 2013, 12:36:30 PM
I would do something like that but I have school until the fall so the best I can do is like my one week trip to south beach this Tuesday .
I hope this means your 18 fall, school, just an assumption, but if you are then your family has no right to decide if you make the right or wrong choice on who to date. They can be concerned, but thats mostly it, unless of course* they are paying for your school then yes their opinion has some more weight but not a lot. As far as you are in transtion from what ive picked up on here, your family is being protective of you as they would be of any young lady, and well you are quite pretty and will atttract Princes and punks, but it is up to you to weed out the good from the bad, though if they are concern dont focus on it after all it is good intentions. ps. i mean it when i say pretty, my 19 year oldbrother was over here and peered over my shoulder and the first thing he said was shes hot you got her number? lets just say he was shooed out of my office, not for the compliment, but because none of this on here truly concerns him and his T.
Kia Ora Tristan,
Just a few personal questions for you to ponder...Only respond if you feel like it...
How long is it since you had your surgery ?
How long after your surgery did the feelings of doubt start to arise ?
What triggers this doubt ?
Do you have periods where you think surgery was the right thing to do [and how long do these periods last]?
At times did you enjoy being pre-op and not really think about having surgery ?
Metta Zenda :)
Quote from: Tristan on April 28, 2013, 07:47:15 PM
thank you for all the replies and advice everyone. it has been a while since my last (srs) surgery. and i only get these feelings like once in a blue moon and its always from being told i cant do something i want to do like go out alone. i am happy that i was talked into everything because my life is so much better than it use to be. i did go to the clinic today in order to tell about things. im under a stupid contract between the clinic and my mom so they do have a say in what i do but i think im going to start working with the clinic again to so i can start to deal with this underlying issues.
Kia Ora Tristan,
That's good news...Look after your 'self'...
Metta Zenda :)
I believe I understand and can relate to you, in the begining I was very reckless, and made poor choice's because I didnt know better and I seen way to much good in people who really weren't. I always seen it this way and because of my big heart people took advantage of me. eventually I met someone and they were kind enough to watch out for me for a bit. But I was incredibly naive and well innocent. now that I have learned a bit, I still look at the world through my rose colored glass's but I know how to keep my heart at bay. remember you can always text me or send me a msg or call if ya need to talk ;)
Quote from: Tristan on April 30, 2013, 08:27:05 AM
You too? Yeah this is the same thing I'm going through and trying to learn how to tell the two apart
its very dificult, if not almost imposible.
It would seem those who have big hearts get hurt the easiest, "Thy heart is big, get thee apart and weep." -shakespeare
we have the tendency of seeing the good in everything -and that is what hurts us the most, sometimes its best to have someone protect us even though we want our independence. I would say try not to see it as a constrictive thing but as a learning experience, use the time to ask questions and to express your feelings of those who are trying to protect you. keep an open mind and heart as well, this may be the most dificult thing to do. Its easy to close yourself off and not trust anyone you meet but it also closes you off from positive experience's as well, you have to learn how not to trust anyone initially but to keep an open view so that you can learn who you can trust. It honestly is a time and experience thing and it hurts sometimes and is perfectly ok to cry ever so often. I may text you later today. keep a chin up,
Have you considered moving to a more genderqueer or fluid presentation.
My spouse thought for awhile ze may be FTM but it turns out ze is just a garden variety androgyne. Ze takes T to help stabelise hir mental state and goes through life as a genderqueer. Presentation is mainly butchdyke but somewhat fem.
Personaly I do not get it, but that is ok. I love my spouse and if ze is an androgyne then I can accept that.
Tristan
I think your going to be just fine. I think a major problem we all have is adjusting to a new role when we've been used to another for so long. All the things you used to do can still be done just with a bit of tweaking. I'd just say to prioritize. And remember to put your safety first. I agree with everyone else about seeking follow up therapy. It certainly couldn't hurt.
Ok I have to chime in. My personal experince is before I really made my mind up I switched a few times. Way before I was on my way with hormones. Going from a gay life style to a trans one is a big deal on your brain. I had changed my name early and had gone on hormones 3 times before making my mind up. I even went as Lan for short from Lana. However after fighting with in my self I made my mind up and said ether you do this or your going to die. And thats when I knew for sure this was something I wanted. Since getting my breast done in 2011 I have become very happy, And with in the last year I have got off all my depression meds. I think you need to know your self before making any drastic changes and that goes for any form of surgery. Sure you can remove your breast implants. But years of female hormones wont make your femaleness go away forever after you stop taking it.
You need to love your self for who you are. Not what you are. And this can take time.
Tristan As long as your happy thats all that matters. ;D
I had to detransition. it was the most painful decisions I ever had to make. I just stopped presenting as female. The only thing that were hard to explain were the times people noticed my chest stands out more than a male's is expected. I'm back on mones and hope to start transition full time by the end of this year.
Ok, I'm new to the acting "like a woman" as I've always acted like a man! However, now that I am more or less being myself, I have found that my oldest sister and I act almost exactly the same. She does not follow all the "feminine rules" and neither do I. Isn't part of this transitioning just me being me? I'd address the feminine rules thing if I actually knew what they were. Given that I am not attracted to men and I actually don't even like most men, all I can figure out is to not run around alone as safety has become an issue. The rest is just me... Am I missing something?
My advice to Tristan would be for her just to be herself but to also be safe. Men are rather odd creatures sometimes..... Yea, there will be a mistake or two (or more) but that happens when you're young, not necessarily because your transgendered.
tristen is right You have to be yourself. When I was full time, I would constantly try and be what I thought would be considered female movements, gentures, and movements. It's a fultile thing really because really you'll get there on your own. You're being resocialized female and trust me there's a difference. Yes, I've always been female but there were tons of things I had to learn because I never grew up female. Eventually you couldn't peg me for trans by my movements and such.My face is a different story but I stay in areas where being trans is excepted so I wouldn't have that problem.