I;m new to this forum, and a bit nervous. I am a mom of 3 boy's at birth, a few months ago my eldest child informed me he's been depressed, sad, hopeless, confused and has felt alone for the last 19 yrs.He told me by e-mail( he moved away for work reasons) that he has felt like a woman trapped in a mans body his whole life.
I love my child more than life it's self. I'm not disappointed, or angry.
My heart aches just thinking that he went through all these yrs. so confused, depressed. As a mother, all you want is for ur kids to be happy. I feel I failed him, by not knowing.
I love him so much...i support my children in ANYTHING they choose.I want them to feel safe, happy.
He wants to do HRT. I support him to the fullest with whatever he chooses, but, he lives half way around the world. I want to be there for him, but i can only do it long distance.
I only have the best intentions to help him transition. With him soooo far away I feel he's alone, dealing with this huge life change alone.
PLS, tell me how to support him, I'm worried I may say something that will hurt him.
I didn't know......I just love my kids so much.......I want him to know I don't view him any differently than before I knew.God blessed me with 3 children......unconditionally i love them all.
I guess, I'm the one who feels lost right now, he's so far from me....any info mill b greatly appreciated.
luvnmom
Dear lady,
That was a very beautiful post and if you could just communicate all the love you have just expressed here to your son with the same simplicity, you would already be giving him one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their children, their unconditional love and support.
Also, you have nothing to feel bad about, you can only react to what you know and most of us spent years trying to hide our inner identities from others before facing up to our reality. He is lucky to have gotten there so soon as, should he confirm the wish to transition, it is far easier to do so young than later.
At a more practical level, since he apparently lives half way around the world, it is not obvious to know what more you can do. However, as there are people here from a lot of places maybe you could simply communicate the name of the forum to him and, unless he is in some really out of the way place, there is a strong likelihood that there will be someone here who can provide him with some assistance.
Last little thing, I was tempted to refer to your daughter to be but held back as I really believe that no matter what he feels right now, it is always worth taking stock before moving forward with such a life changing decision with more implications than he can probably possibly realize at such a young age.
You are a very beautiful person and he is very fortunate to have you.
Warmest best wishes
Donna
P.S. If you like to read, a couple of books you might like to consider to help you understand some of the issues are: "True Selves - Understanding Transsexualism" by Mildred L.Brown and "Being Emily" by Rachel Gold
Welcome, luvnmom. Glad to have you here.
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I am a parent too. To four kids, ages 19 to 26. I understand that this can be difficult. At the same time, I applaud you for your open mind and heart. We have a board set aside for "significant others" to talk about these issues. SO's can include parents and siblings, as well as spouses, BFs, GFs, etc.
Hi luvnmom :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, there is nothing more valuable to a trans person than the support of family members, moms in particular
The best thing you can do is let your daughter know that you love and support her and ask what you could do to help, what name would she prefer to be called by, start using female pronouns etc.
Take things one step at a time :)
Hugs
V M
It's refreshing to see a supportive parent. You're already doing plenty to help your new daughter simply by accepting her. Keep up the positive attitude and both of you will can get through it together :)
Hi luvnmom, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 11156 That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another Parent. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Hi luvnmom, It's so refreshing to see a supportive family member here. Your daughter is very lucky. The best way I think you can support her is to just keep doing what you are doing. Being there for her to talk to when she needs someone to listen. The physical miles between you and your daughter are nothing really. There can be two people in the same room who are light years apart.
Also tell her about Susan's so she can come here for some extra support if she wants / needs it. Plus there is a wealth of knowledge here, so don't be afraid to ask questions.
Best of luck to you and your daughter on this journey.
Hugs
Bethany
Its so great to see an accepting mother, here, i don't know where i'd be with out my mom accepting me, i can't tell you how much this will help your daughter :)
Hi luvnmum,
Well by accepting your daughter you are doing as much as can others ever wanted from our parents.
She is lucky girl and you a wonderful Mum.
Not sure where half way around the world is, but I'm in Australia, which is of course the capital of the world :laugh:. But Susan's has members all over the world and maybe you can suggest to your daughter to join so we can support her as well as yourself.
Hugs
Cindy
Thank-you to all who posted...
I was not aware of the significant others forum, thank-you for telling me.
I refer to my child as him/son I guess because that is the way I have always known it to be. I'll have to ask if addressing with HER would be more supportive for my child. Nothing has been started yet(HRT) so, I never even thought about it. Thank-you, I learned something new already :)
My children are a blessing no matter what.
I have a lot to learn, but I'm an eager student, for the love of a child is unconditional and forever.
Thank-you everyone :)