never
I'm not sure I ever got to "feel like an adult". I'm 51 btw.
But I did begin to develop a sense of responsibility. On my job I wanted to do well, not because of what I was being paid, but because I thought what I was doing was important enough to do well. (Had nothing to do with the kind of job I had. I've done all sorts of things, from driving a delivery van to top secret government work and I've applied the same work ethic to it.) Being a spouse and parent was a similar experience. Someone is depending on me.
But despite this sense of responsibility, I never really felt like an adult. I still have the same joy for the things I like and the same sense of wonder at the world.
Only reason i ever feel like an adult is when i sit at my kitchen table and see a stack of bills 6in thick (exaggeration in its best) then look at my checking account and realize after my unemployment check clears, plus cash from odd jobs i do for friends and family ill have $5 left for the week. Other then that when I'm not worried about bills/money im too busy having fun with my cats, my dog, fishing with friends, or doing friends nails for them to think about anything else and am just enjoying life one day at a time.
I still don't. I've always been pretty immature. I think part of this at least for me is due to being trans. Girls always seemed way more mature than me because they mature faster than boys. But there was never anything for me to mature into. I started becoming terrified and paralyzed by the idea of growing up at around 12. I couldn't see myself as a woman and there was nothing for me to grow up into. And I didn't get the kind of guidance and 'push' to responsibility that boys need. And we seem to need it more than girls. So, I just ran wild.
I think you've hit on something with your post about mother envy. People with kids seem to mature a lot faster than people who don't have them. Not saying this is a hard and fast rule. And there are certainly a lot of immature parents out there.
Quote from: suzifrommd on May 13, 2013, 07:01:18 AM
Being a spouse and parent was a similar experience. Someone is depending on me.
This makes sense. I'm always more responsible when I have someone other than myself to take care of. Work a lot harder. I was like this with my partner and now that my mother needs me, I'm starting to be like this again.
For me it was when I was around 25. That's when I got off drugs. I started to seriously adress my GID. I went back to college. I got out of construction and into my current field. I think there was also a mental shift into maturity then too. It seemed the age a lot of my friends started to get it together. Everyone is different though.
<3 Liv
I don't feel like an adult but does that mean I am still a kid? ??? :( ::)
I transitioned at 24, did the "responsible adult" thing for 30 years, and have now reverted to being a kid - it is MUCH MORE FUN! I don't wanna be an adult any more ;D
NEVER!!! :P
I'm going to keep watching Disney movies, and running around amusement parks like a kid in a candy store, and squeeing like a school girl while I watch cute kitten videos FOREVER!!! :D
Growing up and feeling like an adult is overrated.
Wow, I am surprised you are younger than me OP. Seriously, your advice and writings always made me think you would be a little older and experienced than me. It turns out it is the other way (except for the experienced part,lol) So, perhaps you are more mature than you give yourself credit for.
I can somewhat relate. I still live at home and having a difficult time securing decent employment. So, in a way I feel immature because I am dependent on family. Yet, I have always been more grown up in my out look. I never really partied, I always excelled in school, I was always really punctual and professional.... In my many ways my behavior and demeanor was different from kids my own age. Oddly enough, I always had an easier time talking to people a bit older than me. Now, I have a college degree and some decent work experience. Still, the fact that I haven't secured a career or gotten my own place makes me feel immature. Hell, I can't get into a committed relationship with a guy because of my status and have to wait for grad school until next year. So, it all makes me feel less like a grownup.
You are still young and beginning your adult life. I don't think you have much to be concerned about. You will feel more grownup as you get more experience on your own and tackle new things. Really you are still in the transitioning phase from young adult to adult. It will happen in time.
As for having children, that is a definite possibility one day. Adoption is always available to you.
I hope you have fun at Disney world :)
.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 13, 2013, 06:00:39 AM
My bf is taking me to Disney World soon (yay!!) and reading Disney-related blogs and stuff there's all these moms who blog about their family and housewife things and I get weirdly jealous... even if the kind of world they lived in probably their whole life is way different and even if I can do a lot of housewife things pretty well... just, it's not a 24/7 thing for me. Even just hosting a Christmas brunch for 4 people drove me crazy. Being like those women just are in their daily life is like a temporary achievement for me when I do it for 1 day or a few hours...
It's hard for those women to in many many ways. There's a reason Valium is nicknamed mother's little helper. I think you are being a little too hard on yourself fo realz. And like leanringtolive said you really do act very mature for being 21. I have always thought that.
When I take my little cousins place I so feel like an adult. They are all 5 and 6. Every other time right now it's more like 14. But that's due to transition worries about boys
Maybe you never really feel like an adult... As in I think people romanticize this idea of their childhood when really it's about not having the a security. The world feels like such a smaller place when you grow up
College can be expensive, but there are ways to reduce cost. Some schools are incredibly expensive and not even worth attending in my opinion. IF you were to attend a decent state school or get a good scholarship, there is a lot that you can do. Of course, there is also the option of taking out student loans. Now I am very political and will spare my rant about the way banks screw over college students, but I will tell you to be careful if you do take out a loan. It all sounds amazing at first, but you must be proactive in paying it back and have some plan to do so. At the end of the day, you don't have to worry about what school you go to. Having a degree is a good way to get your foot in the door, if you choose your field wisely. Unfortunately, I followed my heart and can't find anything. Still, I will go to grad school to be a super awesome college professor one day :)
Believe me, working over 60 hours a week isn't fun. I don't know if you want that. I've worked crazy hours and never want to do that again. My last job offer was a position that required around 80 hours every week. Does that really sound like fun? Still, you can always do something reasonable that is full time and invest in a job that you want to do. There are plenty of jobs out there, none of which will hire me, but they are out there. And if money isn't a big ordeal, you can even do fun volunteer work. Nothing is more fulfilling than when you feel you are helping others in some capacity.
As for the anxiety, don't let it cripple you. Honestly, I have been there and I'm glad I fought through it. The more you succumb to it the worse the situation gets. Going on disability should really be avoided unless it is entirely necessary. You have a lot of options available to you. Eventually, you will find employment or a school to attend. For now, just be proactive and keep your head up. Even adults find themselves in dry spells with employment. That isn't immaturity, but rather reality of our economic conditions. Just keep busy (maybe volunteer) and continue looking for something. You'll find it eventually.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 13, 2013, 03:06:12 PM
Well, yeah I don't wanna do 60 hours a week myself ofc, my biggest problem with the job thing IS overcoming the hump of responsibility anxiety, I really am like phobic of other people's expectations, I just don't believe in myself, it's totally silly and I know it, I know I can do things but I don't believe in myself anyway. What it feels like to me is probably what most people would feel like if they were invited to talk in front of a million people about the future of brain surgery and do a live demonstration (assuming they knew nothing about brain surgery). I feel so overwhelmed even if I understand that the reality is really not that big of a deal to most people, so it's hard to un-write-off even the possibility of sending in applications and stuff.
Even if I do want a job and to meet people... I do like people :( I'm just afraid they will hate me. it's so confusing.
Believe me, I am the shyest person and always put myself down. My experience in college helped me a lot because I was given lots of responsibility and entrusted with tasks I never though I could complete. Sometimes facing the challenge is really helpful. I went from being a person who was terrified of others, to someone who could make public speeches. Honestly, if you knew how shy I am, you would be shocked at the amount of speeches I did for both school and work. And you can improve as well. I used to go through panic attacks just leaving the house because of my anxiety. But sometimes you have to girl up and face the world. It will only strengthen you in the end (not weaken).
Don't worry about others expectations. That is how you lose yourself. Be yourself and live your life. If someone doesn't like you, that's there problem. You will also meet plenty who do. Just go out and take the risk. I promise it will work out in the end.
.
Quote from: learningtolive on May 13, 2013, 12:20:21 PM
Wow, I am surprised you are younger than me OP. Seriously, your advice and writings always made me think you would be a little older and experienced than me. It turns out it is the other way (except for the experienced part,lol) So, perhaps you are more mature than you give yourself credit for.
Yep. OP, for some reason I thought you were 26 (knew you couldn't be much older based on pics).
I have been on my own since 13 YO, so it is like the situation teaches you to become wiser faster because there is no mummy to take care of your belly ache. I hate that my childhood memory is but pain, abused, and loneliness.
I emerged as fully function adult by 15YO with plans, goals, and attitude. Despite this side of maturity, being financially independent also brought the means to acquire toys and live a live "in the fast lane." So, things were like "who cares" until my first kid was born. His birth -and that of his siblings- bought a stop to my "care free" life, I just could not party as an animal anymore, "what if the kid needed me, and I could not be there for him (them)? "So, I can become a "trained animal" However, the kind of work I do is anything but boring, it kinds of keeps me "on edge"
Now my kids are almost all self reliant and soon I will be able to spend a more relaxed life...So, when I become and adult? I still believe in Santa, and Frosty, and...the thought of going to Disney elates me..so, when did I become and adult?
I still get all giddy over sour candy, trains and video games.
Maybe we have a hard time realizing the "adult" cut over because so many of us have been dealing with grown-up subject matter our whole memorable lives: being trans.
man, i feel you.
i'm 20 and i feel like i've aged ten years in the last two. i listen to a lot of the concerns of my peers and find them to be utterly foreign to me; i've spent the last year drowning in legal red tape regarding my name change, my birth certificate, my driver's license, et cetera. but at the same time i'm financially dependent on my parents, and because of the lack of reliable employment for ANYONE let alone young people i may be that way for a while yet. which is frustrating. i'm looking into jobs right now but i have to say, i'm concerned about being someone who is visibly queer, and looking for jobs either in my parents' home state, where i have no protections, or in my home state, where protections only exist for state employees (aka, i have no protections). my parents are sweet and aware on some level that that kind of stuff happens, but i don't think they understand that it could—and might—happen to me. so i may be locked in a hermetically sealed chamber of academic pursuit without hope of employment until i make it to the end. which is hells of a bummer. but it's kind of a growing thing that's happening in what was previously an unambiguously adult age.
being trans and queer on top of that means that i have a weird medley of "financial dependent child" issues and "adult" issues, and sometimes they feed off each other and magnify each other like i said. it's messy and complicated. i'm not entirely comfortable with adulthood yet but i'm well past being a "child" or a "minor" so i feel stuck in a kind of limbo.
i wanna have kids. obviously not NOW but the thought grazes my mind. and i guess just like i never KNEW whether i could take the leap of transitioning i dont think ill ever know when i'm READY to have kids, i'll just do it because i want to at a certain point and i'll deal with it as it comes. but maybe that's a bad way of doing life? idk, it's worked so far.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 13, 2013, 10:10:08 PM
Uh-huh it's hard to admit I suffer from being trans but I guess I suffer more from the opposite problem in a similar way, which is being invisibly trans (the pressure of maintaining that invisibility). I present very much like (and raw personality wise actually do feel mostly like) a typical, fairly mainstream preppy girl and I'm just usually afraid that someone who should be like me, who grew up like that, would get a funny feeling around me, alert the hive mind, and then a thousand teen girls would spill out of their Forever 21s and H&Ms (I am not being critical here, I love these stores) and chant "not one of us!!
...which is totally ridiculous, lol, I just mean I blend in well enough that I have a spy-like guilt, because I know my own past and no matter how much I feel like I belong where I am now I know how many people would feel blindsided and weirded out, for whatever reason, if they learned I was declared a boy at birth and struggled through life forced presenting as one, forced to interact differently with the SAME PEOPLE who automatically assume they have so much in common with me now, until I had lived for two decades.
But I suffered far more from having to present male so I guess it's only fair I still have some issues now. Just I haven't built up the bitter comfort zone I had before as much... because now I really feel like I don't NEED to accept a comfortable numbness, or have to restrict myself from life, I really want to live it fully and enjoy it now that I can just finally be me.
I guess lots of variations of this type of problem are common for trans people, especially trans people in this not-so-cozy extended adolescence that is thanks to the world being so complicated now, and it does not help at all, at least for me that I can never actually be a mom without adopting, barring some breakthrough which may or may not happen and which doesn't actually leave you feeling that hopeful while ALREADY girls my age are occasionally getting married and having kids and it's only going to feel like a larger percent of them have as the years tick away from here.
I think those moms look so feminine and so inaccessibly above me, like in their own class or something, because ultimately, no matter how well I blend in, how cis I look, whatever, they can have what I can't have and there's nothing I can do about it. :-\ A girl would have enough feelings like this just being infertile without having actually had to live her life under the freaking label of boy for so long.
But, I really am trying to avoid comparing. I mean your own life is your own life and stuff. It's not fair to compare, for anyone really.. :-\
hmmm, it's less about being invisibly trans (which is something that i also am, and something that i'm grateful for, but which, you're right, brings a whole other set of issues with it) as much as being visibly queer, as someone who's a masculine-of-center dyke, and stuff.
with regards to being invisibly trans, yeah, it can get weird when people assume your history and project stuff like that. the current nurses at my college health center have decided on their own that i have PCOS and won't stop asking me about my period. they get really concerned when i tell them i've never had one, and then they ask if there's a chance that i'm pregnant. i've had to resist the temptation to tell them that, yes, in fact, there is a chance, because maybe i have been pregnant for the last twenty years of my life! that sure would explain my amenorrhea.
but...wow. ok, i guess things are pretty different with me because being A Queer Mom is sort of a different thing in this day and age. i don't even really think about the genetic forebear babies thing. i wasn't even really thinking about it when i was considering how having kids would shape my adulthood since i guess i've always assumed i was gonna adopt anyway.
but yeah, it's one of those can't compare things. personally, i'm grateful that i could never get pregnant, but it's different for everyone.
Ive often wondered when i will start feeling like an adult.
At times i feel i should be, i mean ive moved out of home gone to university, and have move from South UK to North UK, im independent but by no means am i "grown up".
I always thought that if i would get a girlfreind have kids and settle down then i would feel grown up! However i still dont think this would make me feel like an adult.
The be all and end all of it i suppose is that i dont want to grow up as a man, its weird, but i dont want to live the life of a man therefore i ive ever felt like a grown up man.I think it wont be until i have started HRT and am starting to become a woman, that i will start to feek like i am growing up as i should be!!!!
No clue. Late '20s and I still feel like a kid. ???
"Well, you know what grown-ups are," said Dinah. "They don't think the same way as we do. I expect when we grow up, we shall think like them - but let's hope we remember what it was like to think in the way children do, and understand the boys and the girls that are growing up when we're men and women."
― Enid Blyton, The Island of Adventure
Quote from: Zoe Louise Taylor on May 14, 2013, 05:08:29 PM
Ive often wondered when i will start feeling like an adult.
At times i feel i should be, i mean ive moved out of home gone to university, and have move from South UK to North UK, im independent but by no means am i "grown up".
I always thought that if i would get a girlfreind have kids and settle down then i would feel grown up! However i still dont think this would make me feel like an adult.
The be all and end all of it i suppose is that i dont want to grow up as a man, its weird, but i dont want to live the life of a man therefore i ive ever felt like a grown up man.I think it wont be until i have started HRT and am starting to become a woman, that i will start to feek like i am growing up as i should be!!!!
Well your not going to grow up making silly decisions like moving up north :P