What are your upsides to transgender?
For me:
1. I have a whole army of trans brothers and sisters at Susan's who I can relate to.
2. I get to see life from two sides whereas nearly everyone else only sees it from one.
Kia Ora Suzi,
::) "What are your up sides to transgender ?"
Knowing it was 'just' a phase I had to go through to become who I am...
Good question....
Meta Zenda :)
Many confounding things suddenly made sense.
For me personally, the only good thing about being transgender is finding out the reason why I've been so screwed up all of my life. Of course this is just for me personally and doesn't apply to anyone else.
The good news is I'm transgender. I've learned so much and been freed from so many things I don't think I would have otherwise been.
The bad news is-- nope! There isn't any! :) Sure I've got my difficulties but I wouldn't give up being me for nuttin'!
I am learning to like my "self" and believe I am not a deviate. I am deconstructing the box I have kept my "self" in for my life. I recognize I am in control of my "self" and I can transition.
Being transgender means that I finally get to be the girl I've always secretly wanted to be :)
The good news is...that nagging feeling that something in life is not OK is actually treatable.
Better quality of friendships and fewer idiots in my life.
Upside to being transgender"? Hmmm, some days they seems to be far and few.
1) I finally have an explanation for my prolonged mental 'illness'. Depression despite having a loving wife and a decent job with prospects of a 'happy' future. I am not able to be ME.
2) Via Susan's, exploring how far these feelings go.(i.e. am I just a cross dresser. am I gay, am I just plain weird?)
3) Admitting to being trans gives one the freedom to explore one's own feelings to see how far and how deep the difference goes.
I am battling with myself about being TG, one day it is a given, the next it is a delusion. I fervently hope that soon what I am will be evident. Until then, being Trans gives me the freedom to find out just what it is to be ME.
Christy.
It is an interesting perspective. I do still remember the pain and depression and the sleepless nights and the drinking and the cursing and crying.
But now? I'm happy, I'm content, I have friends both so many here and many friends that I have now met. I'm confident, I think I look good. I enjoy being me.
I remember him dying and it was like a light shining in my face. I could see.
Cindy
The good news is, my outside form and my inside feelings can finally match. Also, thankfully, I don't have a wife or kids who could be hurt by it.
Oh, and hair. Well-set hair is amazing.
Upsides for me would be:
Wearing what I want to wear and feeling great in it!
Having the courage to face people in my real identity and not as someone else
Learing to love myself again
Staying positive and happy
Downsides:
People just don't understand what I've gone through to accept myself and how I am as a human being. I was always meant to be a girl and I'm happy that I can now be one :angel:
1. I love my son. He wouldn't exist if I wasn't trans.
2. I no longer feel that aching hole caused by pretending to be female.
3. I feel a lot better about myself. (Not that there's anything wrong with being female. I just feel better about myself because I am being myself.)
Staring down the barrel of losing a very lucrative career makes it hard to see anything good about it, yet I still love myself and find self-acceptance to be an addictive drug with no bad side effects.
Knowing that I'm not crazy, or mentally disturbed, etc. and that I'm not alone feeling like this.
Being more myself, and even though I sometimes hate my life and body also feeling happier with it, as now I know what caused my earlier unhappiness, AND I know there's a way to fix it.
Also having a good 'insight' into both sexes. If I would have born a guy I would probably never have ended up so understanding and sensitive, which I figure women really like. Also do I know how horrible periods are, how difficult it sometimes is to be a woman and have a (better) understanding in how many women (seem?) to think. Though I have to admit I sometimes still don't get them, lol!
But the most valuable thing for me is accepting and discovering myself, and finally loving myself for who I am! :)
body or mind
^
For those who have transitioned, having a broader perspective on the world.
If we compare it to being born blind. You get used to it. You deal with it. In rare cases, a cure comes and you can see. A better world to be sure, but you will have gained so much.
Edit, apologies for the edit, but needed to add the three words above.
The upside for me:
Becoming more calm and laid back, and the obvious effects of my HRT regimen.
More accepting of others within the GLBTI spectrum rather than being formerly rather bigoted.
Being able to think with both male and female sides of my brain.
Enjoying my relationship with my S.O. on a more emotional level rather than just the physical.
Knowing that it's finally OK to cry out loud and express my inner feelings.
Being included in a conversation with a group of women and enjoying their obvious appreciation of me in their group.
Having empathy for cis women and their issues rather than just considering it women's drivel.
Enjoying a discussion about relationships.
The release in knowing that I no longer have to respond to jerks in a formerly aggressive manner.
Enjoying a day of shopping at the mall and no longer feeling like a fish out of water in "women's intimates" department.
A nice outing for lunch and a glass of wine with the girls as opposed to being covered with ticks on a hunting trip.
Being accepted by my wife as someone she loves who wears a bra and shares similar external physical anatomy.
There is so much more I cannot enumerate all of the perks!
Quote from: Cindy. on May 18, 2013, 05:00:16 AM
It is an interesting perspective. I do still remember the pain and depression and the sleepless nights and the drinking and the cursing and crying.
But now? I'm happy, I'm content, I have friends both so many here and many friends that I have now met. I'm confident, I think I look good. I enjoy being me.
I remember him dying and it was like a light shining in my face. I could see.
Cindy
Cindy, you are a beacon of light and power.. I just love your response.
+ freaking 1 !!!
Sorry to be a downer, but I've yet to see the good news. Perhaps it's far too early. But right now, it's all bad news. :(
It's always darkest before dawn, right?
the good new is that i'm transgender. the bad news is that my society still is all to insistent on keeping people in the most unnatural boxes for ease of control.
there are so many perspectives on life, the world, myself and others that i'd have never known if i weren't trans. and as i've analyzed my fears in regards to transness, i've realized that they're all related to how other people will take it. i myself would be perfectly fine with being who i am at any and all times.
my problems are that it's so much harder to get a hormone prescription when not unambiguously transsexual, and i still can't decide on whether i want to keep my boobs or not. i'm sure i can convince the rest of my society that i'm still me even if i have odd gender presentations at times, but the health care system and my parents are quite a different issue.
but i'll survive. it's the majority who are in the wrong in this. they should all try being transgender for a while, might help them get some perspective as well. umm, that is, if transgender was something you could be for only a while. but if that was the case, we wouldn't have any problems, would we...
What a great question.........well for me since I accepted that I am a woman.......
1. I am discovering myself
2. I am learning to love myself for the first time in 54 years
3. I have learned to love my wife, family and friends in a way I never before understood.
Thank you for asking.......
Love
Ciara
The good news? I'll have to get back to you on that one. :/
- being happy with life and most importantly MYSELF :D
- having everything ive ever been conflicted with finally make sense
- better relationships with others - no longer feeling awkward when talking to others/interacting
- most importantly, being able to dance like a maniac to awesome pop songs in killer hot stilettos (yep, sucker for punishment right here ;-))
Quote from: Cosi555 on May 21, 2013, 06:11:14 AM
- being happy with life and most importantly MYSELF :D
- having everything ive ever been conflicted with finally make sense
- better relationships with others - no longer feeling awkward when talking to others/interacting
- most importantly, being able to dance like a maniac to awesome pop songs in killer hot stilettos (yep, sucker for punishment right here ;-))
Um, let's hang out?
Maybe we better not, actually. Don't want to risk disrupting the trans space continuum.
The bad news is it took this long for me to figure myself out.
The good news? I figured myself out! Also add in all the positive things that everyone else who posted before me has said, great minds think alike!
The downside is the negative impact it's had on my self-esteem, appearance, and mentality.
The upside is the fact that I get to experience and understand more of life than most humans can.
I am me. I learnt to love myself again - which led another to love me, as I love her.
I don't have to live a lie anymore. I can simply be me.
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 21, 2013, 08:24:24 AM
Um, let's hang out?
Maybe we better not, actually. Don't want to risk disrupting the trans space continuum.
Stuff the space continuum ;-)
Id love to hang out :-) tho its been a while since ive had a friend :-/ but im super keen to make lots of them now
The good news is a lifetime of memories of of girlish moments I once tried to suppress, but that now are treasures - and self-acceptance!
Since when is being transgender bad news? If you ask me, I felt 100% better when I finally got that therapist letter that officially designated me as transgender. It was the years that came before it, of running from that label, of feeling dysphoria but never having the guts to admit to others or myself that I wanted to transition, which were the hellish part.
So yeah... the way you describe it, it's like a doctor sitting down with you in this grim voice and telling you "I'm sorry... but you have......... ->-bleeped-<-!" (*cue Castle-thunder sound effect and melodramatic "NOOOO!!!!"*) Where in reality, that moment where a professional finally did tell me that she agreed that I was transsexual, it was more like "So I really am? After all those years of uncertainty and fear and feeling like I was transgender but never knowing for sure, I really am? And I really am going to be able to be a girl? In real life? Oh, thank God!!! YAY!!!" :D
Quote from: Carrie Liz on May 21, 2013, 11:51:23 PM
So yeah... the way you describe it, it's like a doctor sitting down with you in this grim voice and telling you "I'm sorry... but you have......... ->-bleeped-<-!" (*cue Castle-thunder sound effect and melodramatic "NOOOO!!!!"*) Where in reality, that moment where a professional finally did tell me that she agreed that I was transsexual, it was more like "So I really am? After all those years of uncertainty and fear and feeling like I was transgender but never knowing for sure, I really am? And I really am going to be able to be a girl? In real life? Oh, thank God!!! YAY!!!" :D
Omg the way you describe this moment is just perfect. I had exactly the same feeling. Reading this made me smile so wide that I teared up. Thanks Carrie :)
the good news would be that it's curable. it's a birth defect that can be fixed, and it's luckily not detectable before birth. just suddenly came to think of all those children with downs who're never born because the parents don't want a child who's "different", and can't stand the thought of having to deal with the social stigma. we're all an enrichment to society, it's just modern western society that doesn't get it yet.
in some cultures, ->-bleeped-<- wouldn't even be something you had to cure, because they have a place for our kind as well. the ability to go between the genders, cross the borders of birth sex, is in many cultures regarded as a trait that identifies a possible shaman. makes you more likely to have the ability to go between this world and the other.
Quote from: Taka on May 22, 2013, 04:48:34 AM
the good news would be that it's curable. it's a birth defect that can be fixed, and it's luckily not detectable before birth. just suddenly came to think of all those children with downs who're never born because the parents don't want a child who's "different", and can't stand the thought of having to deal with the social stigma. we're all an enrichment to society, it's just modern western society that doesn't get it yet.
in some cultures, ->-bleeped-<- wouldn't even be something you had to cure, because they have a place for our kind as well. the ability to go between the genders, cross the borders of birth sex, is in many cultures regarded as a trait that identifies a possible shaman. makes you more likely to have the ability to go between this world and the other.
I have been told that by a native American friend who was from a southwest indian tribe that in an earlier time I would probably be revered as the tribal shaman. And though I am what church goers would classify as a closet Christian I would be the first to agree that the missionaries have ruined indigenous native cultures around the world making them feel that they had to cover their "sinful"body parts. Anything that the missionaries didn't understand was somehow attributed to the devil. I think western culture has been both blessed and cursed by religious zealots on many levels.
Carrie Liz, I read and reread your response. The castle thunder and the resonating NOOOO! struck a chord with me. I feel that to be 'transgender' is a diagnosis that is to be feared as if the diagnosis was of in-operable cancer. Feared and dreaded, but we must endure. That no matter what, we must adapt and improvise if we are to transcend 'who' we thought we are. If we are to become 'who' we were meant to be. Your description reflects my own journey in that being TG was no better than having a death sentence. In reality it was, being a death of who I thought I was supposed to be. In the same breath, a freedom to be who I feel I was meant to be.
THANK YOU,
ChristyB.
The good news? Let's see:
-Passing. If you're cis, you never worry about passing, and you never get to go through that initial excitement of "HOLY FLYING PURPLE BANANAS THAT GUY CALLED ME SIR!", or the nice glow of confidence you get when you grow a bit more used to those moments.
-Picking your own name if you change yours. C'mon, that's pretty cool. You now have a legitimate reason to choose your own moniker that actually fits you.
-Support. Good news, you aren't alone out there in the big bad world! There are support groups in person, and communities like oh, I don't know...this brilliant, bustling one called Susan's. It's such an inspirational place :)
-Educating yourself. Maybe it was an early manifestation of being trans, but in my younger years I was highly cissexist and thought the idea of people not being the gender that fit their body was terrible. I was even upset by androgynous people! So hey, maybe it was karma, or life trying to teach me a lesson in acceptance. But I'm really glad for that aspect of it.
-The community, in general. There are some amazing people here and in other places- while I don't like being defined by how I wasn't born, being a part of the same community and having it in common with others makes me proud in a way.
-Ego boost. I've found that coming out has made me so much happier and taken a lot of weight off my shoulders, though being pre-everything means I've only now gone into the woods. To be bold and correct people on my name and pronouns starts an upward cycle in my self-confidence, lots of times I feel ready to take on the world to fight for equality and understanding for myself and my trans brothers and sisters.
-Being yourself! I haven't had the chance to watch myself transform (lol, transform :P) over time yet, but I will in a matter of years and hopefully the world won't end by then because it's going to be one of the most exciting things ever. I'll probably be so impatient with it at first but even now every little thing that brings out the boy looking back at me in the mirror is a victory over being born in the wrong model of body.
Really, there's so many things cispeople take for granted about just living life without fear of being misgendered and clocked, or the stress of not being accepted as the gender you are instead of what some scrap of paper says you should be, or your body fighting against who you are. I've learned a great deal from it so far, and I've only just begun my own journey.
I have to agree with Kyh about being a fem gay guy. My life before transition was hell and parts of my transition in the gay scene was also hell. I could not walk down the street with out someone yelling ->-bleeped-<-. Or staring at me at the gay clubs thinking I could be my self there when first transitioning.
You could not pay me any amount of money to go back to the way i was before I transitioned.
Sure their are hard times but life is not easy for anyone.
Upside? I finally know why I've always felt more... er well more like a dude than a girl. That I don't have to feel like the weird outsider because I don't conform to social feminine norms... I don't have to wonder why I've always been different anymore... That I can finally be who I was meant to be.
On the weird for an upside I eventually won't have to shave my legs anymore, though I'm already somewhat lazy about it lol.
Though if there is a downside it's I'm going to be "stuck" in a physically female body for a number of years still and having to... I guess in a way readjust to who I am... Or at least in ways I never felt I could before. Such as wearing boxer shorts now vs being too afraid to for fear of being picked at or something.
I hate forgetting this sometimes, but it really is not bad news that I am trans. There are inconveniences, yes, but it really is a blessing.
For one, being able to think beyond what I was told, I was able to focus on the things that actually mattered, which is one of the main reasons I've been able to go to college and pursue a better life. This has been a pivotal point in my life, for there is so much hope for the future now. The friends I've made, the things I've learned, and finding my faith are all unforgettable experience.
But, the most important one is that it forced me to think outside of my own head, to think that others are actually different from me, and we are all really, in the end, just people. I am able to realise that our appearances are much less important than our hearts and our character. Really, it was taught me to appreciate everyone.
I've discovered that the narrow-minded people I grew up around are not the norm. If I hadn't been trans, I'd probably be one of them. The fact that I was different is what made me seek support groups and that allowed me to meet people that are at least trying to focus more on their own happiness than on how others perceive them. This blew me away.
I have been going through "layers" of adjusting to being transgender.
The first layer was when i realized that something was up and figured out that that i was androgyne. My past now made now made perfect sense, and I was able to accept that I had a male & female brain. One thing that was explained was that in my job i deal with all kinds of people and I had been subtly shifting the way i talked and related to people based on their gender and personality type to connect better. I never understood how that worked, exactly, before. Now i knew.
Until i figured out that i am actually bigender, and i needed low dose HRT to control it. Oh well, i can always hide the boobs, right? I went out en femme a couple of times at this stage and i learned how ridiculous women's shoes are, how long it actually takes to get ready, found out that the safety threats are real, and wondered why my pants had no usable pockets. As a forger guy i was oblivious to all of that. It made me appreciate my wife all that much more, and it made me appreciate the day to day crap that women are expected to go through. I also found out that my female side is far, far different than my male side. She is assertive, flirty, and fun loving. Me/boy? Not so much, carrying the burden of the world on my shoulders.
Money & time recently finally allowed me to be able to go to therapy, where the therapist told me that i'd probably eventually transition to MTF.
Whoa.
I'm still mulling this over, but one thing is clear - an elephant is consumed one bite at a time, right? If i am truly MTF than it will happen one bite at a time. I know that there are also benefits waiting for me at this stage too.
Pretty good introspective Riven, it resonates with me completely! :)
Always thought I responded to this one, oh well. Strange thing but for me there really has not been a downside. I'm not saying that there haven't been difficult moments or frustrations but I am really happy to be able to transition. I didn't know you could do this til lately.
--Jay
The upsides are I have been able to become more empathetic of others, and that I've been able to see things from a male, female, and even androgynous perspective since sometimes I get seen as andro.
Quote from: E-Brennan on May 18, 2013, 05:17:59 PM
Sorry to be a downer, but I've yet to see the good news. Perhaps it's far too early. But right now, it's all bad news. :(
It's always darkest before dawn, right?
Or brightest after it. ;)
For me it simply helps to have a label; it has given me a sense of self-confidence and security in my own identity. Non-binary people aren't often represented in the media, and for a while I wasn't aware that there were really options beyond "male" and "female", neither of which I identified with. Finding out about non-binary identified people helped me understand why I struggled with gender dysphoria without identifying as a woman, why thinking about my body so often caused me distress and yet I didn't want to have curves or boobs, why I shriveled up inside whenever anyone called me a "man" or "guy" but didn't want to be called "she", why men's thought patterns seemed like those of another species sometimes, yet women's too were sometimes quite different from my own.
I also shed my kind of bitter feelings towards trans people. Don't get me wrong, I was always very accepting of different expressions of gender, and vocally supported people I knew who chose to transition. I was always friendly and even celebrated their identities. But there was this not-so-subtle envy that they were expressing themselves the way they wanted, whereas I felt trapped. Putting my finger on what it was has allowed me to be more open and generally more content with myself than I was before. :)
Quote from: Brightest After Dawn on June 14, 2013, 09:09:23 AM
I also shed my kind of bitter feelings towards trans people. Don't get me wrong, I was always very accepting of different expressions of gender, and vocally supported people I knew who chose to transition. I was always friendly and even celebrated their identities. But there was this not-so-subtle envy that they were expressing themselves the way they wanted, whereas I felt trapped. Putting my finger on what it was has allowed me to be more open and generally more content with myself than I was before. :)
I totally get it. It seems so unfair how others can be so happy while we have to suffer. How others could be seen as themselves whereas we always have to hide ourselves, as if who we are is a shameful secret. But the good thing is, you can always turn that situation around.
Btw, there are options for you too, Brightest After Dawn, as far as transition goes. Not all trans people, binary or not, choose to transition. But if you do, it doesn't have to be a full transition. Just hrt if you feel that's right for you, or just changing the way you dress, or the way you speak, or even changing your name and the pronouns you want to be used for you. Anyways, I love that you're so positive now and are becoming more content with yourself and your life. That's the best part about accepting yourself. The joy of it all :) so amazing.
Quote from: suzifrommd on May 17, 2013, 08:52:43 PM
What are your upsides to transgender?
For me:
1. I have a whole army of trans brothers and sisters at Susan's who I can relate to.
2. I get to see life from two sides whereas nearly everyone else only sees it from one.
Suzi, I have read through your topic several times now. And marveled at all of the super answers, even from those who have not found a silver lining in that cloud yet.
By far, the best thing that has happened to me is being able to meet and get to know so many wonderful people in the community. From our pre-teens to the geezers like me.
The realization about the nature of my gender issues has been a long time coming. Almost too long. I almost lost myself behind the façade of over 40 years. And for the entire time I thought I was alone in my feelings.
For me, the process continues. There was never an "Aha!" moment. Instead there has been growth and maturing.
I suppose the down side is, the process continues. I freely admit that I'm not the person I should be yet. And my 50+ years of male socialization still rears it's ugly head from time to time. At times I can be a real a-hole. But I am getting better.
Quote from: kyh on June 14, 2013, 02:43:52 PM
I totally get it. It seems so unfair how others can be so happy while we have to suffer. How others could be seen as themselves whereas we always have to hide ourselves, as if who we are is a shameful secret. But the good thing is, you can always turn that situation around.
Btw, there are options for you too, Brightest After Dawn, as far as transition goes. Not all trans people, binary or not, choose to transition. But if you do, it doesn't have to be a full transition. Just hrt if you feel that's right for you, or just changing the way you dress, or the way you speak, or even changing your name and the pronouns you want to be used for you. Anyways, I love that you're so positive now and are becoming more content with yourself and your life. That's the best part about accepting yourself. The joy of it all :) so amazing.
Thanks for your words; life is really easier when you adopt a positive attitude. :) Gratitude and looking to the best in every situation. It doesn't even mean life is always fun, or easy, just that you will almost always be better off focusing on the good as opposed to bad. And there is almost always
something in our lives we can be grateful for, as hard it it may seem to be find it sometimes. :)
Quote from: Malachite on May 17, 2013, 10:11:01 PM
For me personally, the only good thing about being transgender is finding out the reason why I've been so screwed up all of my life. Of course this is just for me personally and doesn't apply to anyone else.
I agree with you. For me the only good thing was finally understanding what was going on with me. But I'm also finding that I'm enjoying the community that I get to be a part of on Susan's 8)
The good news is...
Acknowledging/realizing that fact is the first step toward being able to smile again (if you ever could.)
That once you start fixing things you will get to look at the world through new eyes and feel childlike wonderment for a second time. This is a magical gift almost nobody experiences.
It takes somebody who has never felt joy to truly understand its unbelievable power and grace. I promise you will feel it and be astonished by it if you just hang in there and take the steps that you need to take :).
I have changed mentally quite dramatically, without effort. We are lucky to be able to experience both male and female perspectives. For me I have many more layers to shed and I look forward to the experience whaich has brought me calmness and empathy.
The bad side - other than the fear of social acceptance - NONE
1. I'm starting to figure things out that I would normally never have figured out if I was off hrt.
2. I'm way more laidback and mellow, and if I get angry, I got a good reason for it, so far most of my witnesses concur :)
3. I'm way more tolerant of my girlfriend, coworkers, neighbors, and general humanity for their frailties :)
If anything, I feel that the main upside for me is that I've been more open and aware, and acknowledging of emotional and identification struggles regarding gender and other related issues, more so than what I imagine an average person would be.
I sometimes feel like the situation has been directly responsible for my growth and maturity over the years, though I admit I have much more to learn.