I would like to ask people how truthful they feel people are to each other particularly when it comes to passing or not?
I do worry that people are not really saying what they feel. I do not mean or suggest that we should be insulting just that we should be truthful. Of course people will have different opinions but there will be a general consensus.
This site is an amazing platform and so full of information and is to be applauded.
We tend to try and look for the positive in our evaluations of peoples looks.
I figure they're all lying their butts off just to be nice.
Quote from: Renee on May 21, 2013, 11:59:59 AM
I figure they're all lying their butts off just to be nice.
Well, so long as they're nice butts, who cares?
I think people just try to be nice. If you told me I was an attractive guy I would probably believe you. But if you say I look like a woman I figure their just feeling sorry for me. :-\
I am reasonably truthful. However i will always refrain from brutal honesty unless asked for a brutally honest opinion. I mean, I can sugarcoat something and be honest but i am likely omitting things I would otherwise say if i were asked to be brutally honest.
One thing i have learned from Susans is most people never think they look good or pass even when they do.
Passing or not is also subjective, with some transpeople very eager to say any feature not 100% feminine stops one from passing despite that being a standard almost no ciswoman meets. It goes both ways, on this site, real life is probably the best indicator of how well one passes.
I'm very honest, hence why I don't post in those threads often. I mean, I don't want to break the bad news to someone who's being lied to, because they'll probably end up crying or something... but on the other hand, they sorta need that feedback.
Quote from: Heather on May 21, 2013, 12:18:23 PM
I think people just try to be nice. If you told me I was an attractive guy I would probably believe you. But if you say I look like a woman I figure their just feeling sorry for me. :-\
Heather. I don't feel sorry for you and you do look female.
Just saying.
Quote from: Hikari on May 21, 2013, 01:04:25 PM
real life is probably the best indicator of how well one passes.
Kia Ora,
This says it all ^ ... Regardless of what other 'trans-people say about another trans-person's passability (ones ability to blend in as their preferred gender) - The cis-society is going to be the 'make or break' that is, "the final judge and jury !"
Metta Zenda :)
Honestly, I don't like lying to people, so I avoid deceiving people and tell them how I really feel. Having said that, I would never tell someone who doesn't pass (raises her hand)that they look terrible. I would focus on their strengths and give them some encouragement. It's not a lie to be positive and focus on their good traits. Everyone has potential and has good characteristics that they can further develop. So if someone were to ask me if they passed, I'd be honest but wouldn't put them down if they didn't. We all need to think more positive and see the beauty in ourselves; otherwise, we'll be defeated by our fear and insecurity.
Some hard won wisdom I have learned: there is just being honest, and there is just being an a**hole and there is a difference. Not saying that applies to anyone here but in any event passing is not done in pictures but in real life. It's a package deal.
I would never tell someone they are passable if I don't think they are. In many places, thinking you are passable when you aren't, can be dangerous or it could just set someone up for a bad experience. For most of us though, our eyes are trained to spot the features that would spot a trans-person so OUR opinions can be biased towards hyper-critical as well.
I don't think I'm passable but I've been told I am. It's also hard to to tell if someone is passable from a cherry picked photo. Although, I do look at some photos and my first thought is , "who is that frumpy lesbian", then realize...... it's me. lol
Quote from: Cleopatra on May 21, 2013, 11:53:40 AM
I would like to ask people how truthful they feel people are to each other particularly when it comes to passing or not?
Very truthful. Passing is not the be all and end all to being accepted in your acquired gender and is just one of a number of factors.
Quote from: learningtolive on May 21, 2013, 07:56:02 PM
Honestly, I don't like lying to people, so I avoid deceiving people and tell them how I really feel. Having said that, I would never tell someone who doesn't pass (raises her hand)that they look terrible. I would focus on their strengths and give them some encouragement. It's not a lie to be positive and focus on their good traits. Everyone has potential and has good characteristics that they can further develop. So if someone were to ask me if they passed, I'd be honest but wouldn't put them down if they didn't. We all need to think more positive and see the beauty in ourselves; otherwise, we'll be defeated by our fear and insecurity.
"Honestly" ?
That ^^ this means some times you are dishonest? LOL
Quote from: Cleopatra on May 21, 2013, 11:53:40 AM
I would like to ask people how truthful they feel people are to each other particularly when it comes to passing or not?
I do worry that people are not really saying what they feel. I do not mean or suggest that we should be insulting just that we should be truthful. Of course people will have different opinions but there will be a general consensus.
This site is an amazing platform and so full of information and is to be applauded.
Trans people are the worst judges of possibility..their ideas of femininity are. who should I put it delicately, TOTALLY WARPED
I and other had posted pictures of cis-females in other threads and asked the trans community to tell us if the passed for cis -females...the answers varied, but were mostly "does not pass" flavored ...LOL, so yeah, you better find a judge elsewhere
I pass...
....
....
...gas.
>:-)
I have asked for myself once or twice, and the silence was deafening (as compared to the cheering and high-fiving those who imho do pass). So I don't ask anymore. But that hasn't stopped my transition, it just made me aware of a few things that need to be tended to.
It's all said in love...-ish.
if you ask me, i'll say you pass.... (no, that's just a bad joke)
i'm honest, even honest enough to tell people that "i think you...". because it's only my personal opinion, and i can't really know how anyone is outside the picture they posted. not that i post often in the do i pass threads, i'm often a bad judge. being pansexual means for me that i easily see what impression i get of someone's personality more than their physical traits, unless they're very strongly to one side or the other. a bit like this case on a very different forum who's not tg as far as i know, i knew he was a guy all the time, even the pictures he posted were of a guy, but i still only saw a girl. wouldn't say he looked like a girl, he just seemed like one.
anyway, there are also cis people who don't pass as their gaab. when they say they're one or the other in an offended tone, they're usually believed, aren't they?
Hi friends :)
Being honest and truthful is important, no-one is asking for anyone to lie or give false hope to anyone else
The problem comes when the comments become hurtful - Remember this is a support site, if you can not give constructive advise or find something nice to say - Maybe you should just keep it to yourself
Thank you
V M
Maybe a cold honest - don't come in here unless you want the cold hard truth - critique me, thread would be useful? Dunno. I would post. I would quite like to know what people honestly, honestly think of me.
Quote from: Steph21 on May 22, 2013, 08:04:52 AM
Maybe a cold honest - don't come in here unless you want the cold hard truth - critique me, thread would be useful? Dunno. I would post. I would quite like to know what people honestly, honestly think of me.
There's a load on Facebook, me included, who have truthfully said you look and are gorgeous.
Is that cold, honest and truthfull enough for you?
I know it's cliche, but really, the only ugliness is in the soul. Those who seek to do harm.
Quote from: Steph21 on May 22, 2013, 08:04:52 AM
Maybe a cold honest - don't come in here unless you want the cold hard truth - critique me, thread would be useful? Dunno. I would post. I would quite like to know what people honestly, honestly think of me.
No, hon. There are no "Don't come in here" areas on the site, and there aren't going to be any. The site mission is support. It's very easy to be honest AND supportive. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: peky on May 21, 2013, 10:05:39 PM
"Honestly" ?
That ^^ this means some times you are dishonest? LOL
Lol, I deserved that :)
Quote from: Steph21 on May 22, 2013, 08:04:52 AM
Maybe a cold honest - don't come in here unless you want the cold hard truth - critique me, thread would be useful? Dunno. I would post. I would quite like to know what people honestly, honestly think of me.
With all do respect, I think that sounds like a bad idea. Giving positive feedback and helpful tips is fine, but that kind of a thread is likely going to lead people to being overly harsh or taking things too far. People already can be overly critical at times and this is something I have seem a lot in the transgender community. We tend to see masculine traits in everything because we are always looking for it. If anything, lack of honesty isn't that issue, it's the extent of how critical we can be about our appearances. That's one of the reasons I doubt I'd ever post a picture of myself up on here.
Quote from: spacial on May 22, 2013, 09:17:26 AM
There's a load on Facebook, me included, who have truthfully said you look and are gorgeous.
Is that cold, honest and truthfull enough for you?
I know it's cliche, but really, the only ugliness is in the soul. Those who seek to do harm.
Thanks Jill. My first reaction us that ur just being nice, but I would have believed you if you had said I was a man faced pug. then I realise that probably means that I am only willing to believe negative things about me. I suppose I need to work on my self image as well as my image. Par for the course I suspect. Thanks Jill. X
You know something Steph. If you spend any time trying to deal with people who don't like you, eventually you just get worn down, exhausted and you begin to believe it must be you.
The reality is, some people don't like you, and me and everyone. Just as you might not like some people. No-one has any obligation. Parents, family, people who have similar interests. None has any obligation.
Only children can expect to be loved and we are not children.
Walk away. For them. For you.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 23, 2013, 02:38:08 PM
I prefer to be very truthful. I do feel that a lot of trans people are too optimistic in terms of passing threads.
Optimistic about their own appearance and chances of passing? Or optimistic about the appearances of others and their passability? :P
I think and this is just my opinion,we all spend to much time on LOOKS .They are very abstract
we are not made on a cookie cutter press we are all different just look around you.One persons beauty is another persons ugly what we are really missing is the beauty within that person and that's what really counts in the long run.We are all going to change with time but the beauty within
will grow and that's what helps keep soul mates together as they wrinkle and turn grey.
God bless you all on your journey.
Heather you are lovely inside and out.
Beth I can clear a room in 2 seconds!
Quote from: buddy on May 23, 2013, 11:27:53 PM
I think and this is just my opinion,we all spend to much time on LOOKS .They are very abstract
we are not made on a cookie cutter press we are all different just look around you.One persons beauty is another persons ugly what we are really missing is the beauty within that person and that's what really counts in the long run.We are all going to change with time but the beauty within
will grow and that's what helps keep soul mates together as they wrinkle and turn grey.
God bless you all on your journey.
Heather you are lovely inside and out.
Beth I can clear a room in 2 seconds!
This is a good attitude to have :) I'll try to carry this sentiment with me wherever I go, at least a little bit!