I am sure most of you have heard of Jenny Boylen......this is an excerpt from the Huffington Post from part of her new book.
I wasn't shocked at some of the bigoted comments...and as usual many defended their words using God! Some of the negative comments about her writing I would have to agree with, it did seem to wonder a bit.
I was somewhat surprised that many did not know much about transgendered people or their issues. I was only a little surprised though since I don't live in just a transgendered bubble and realize most people don't have a need to know unless they are affected some way. So many people in the trans community will say "just tell people your transgendered, most know what this is" I have found this not to be the case.
I was really interested in this since this is what I am currently going through with raising teenagers....I was shocked but very comforted to read that she didn't say who she was after being asked about her husband. I struggle with questions similar to this when out at children's events or other places. I don't refer to myself as my children's mother but people assume I am my children's mother I don't say otherwise....but if asked about their father or some similar question I feel like a liar. It was comforting (but sad)to hear that Jenny goes through these same struggles even though she is publicly known much more then I am.
Link to excerpt http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/20/stuck-in-the-middle-with-you-jennifer-finney-boylan_n_3286915.html?utm_hp_ref=gay (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/20/stuck-in-the-middle-with-you-jennifer-finney-boylan_n_3286915.html?utm_hp_ref=gay)
Boylan is going to be boiling mad to find out you called her Boylen!
It's incredibly depressing to see how many people are still ignorant and judgemental about transgender issues and how totally freaked out they are by people who, to them, have a weird, irrational, self-indulgent and plain wrong belief that they aren't the sex that God or nature made them.
But then I think about how insanely weird it feels to be, being transgendered - how much my emotional convictions battle against my intellectual, supposedly rational attempts to deny my own reality - and I think, well, am I really any better?
Quote from: Carlita on May 22, 2013, 11:00:31 AM
It's incredibly depressing to see how many people are still ignorant and judgemental about transgender issues and how totally freaked out they are by people who, to them, have a weird, irrational, self-indulgent and plain wrong belief that they aren't the sex that God or nature made them.
But then I think about how insanely weird it feels to be, being transgendered - how much my emotional convictions battle against my intellectual, supposedly rational attempts to deny my own reality - and I think, well, am I really any better?
Yes! I can relate with how you feel.....is it our intellectual feelings or is it the normalcy thrust upon us. I struggle with should I just let people know about my trans status and just being a typical "normal" female. I feel I'm doing injustice to both at times!
Quote from: Just Shelly on May 22, 2013, 09:04:44 AM
I don't refer to myself as my children's mother but people assume I am my children's mother I don't say otherwise....but if asked about their father or some similar question I feel like a liar.
This is a really interesting semantics question. Am I my children's father. Their mother? Both? Neither? Is a mother any female parent? Or is it the person whose birth canal gave birth? If you're a sperm source who is a trans woman, are you a father?
Socially, I'm careful to use "parent" instead of mother or father, and let people reach their own conclusions. As for my kids, once they get to know me as a female, I imagine they'll make up their own minds.
I use "parent" in all situations if possible....even when the school calls and asks if this is so and so's mother I say this is S*** *** I am his parent.
The hard ones are when you are assumed your child's mother while actively talking with someone at a social event, school event, church, stores....... I am not going to correct these people and say I am their parent...I just continue the conversation. My children do not want to call me their mother...I understand their reasons, but most of it is because their biological mother has told them they can't.
My children have called me mother many times in stores if they need my attention....and they have also yelled out "hey" I have been referred to as their mother and at times confirmed it in front of them....they have not had problems with this. It's the other times when it would be nice to be called their mother if need be instead of my name or parent or worse yet "hey". What child calls their parent a "parent" or uses their name.
Many wonder why anyone would ask if I am their mother....believe it or not this comes up very often. Its not that people ask directly...its just it comes up in conversation e.g.....Oh hi, are you D*** mother, or why don't you ask your mother to come over here. or will your mother be back soon......
My children struggle with me wanting to be called mom and thinking I want to be their mom...its for communication and proper recognition reasons only.
I thought it was a good read, Jenny has insights that not every man or every woman will ever have as she is able to see both sides of the coin. The woman she was speaking to is so atypical of most people both male and female, in that their view of life and the world around them is viewed through the limiting prism of their own inner circle, in which case anything beyond it's boundaries is invalid to them. Her husband was no doubt overbearing and controlling, openly referencing any males less masculine than himself as queers, so that his son will understand what it is to be a man. The son strives to please his father following after in his image while the woman is cowed and brow beaten, her spirit suppressed. These families replicate and history repeats itself over and over, this is what we and everyone in the transgender world is up against and will be up against long after Jenny Boylan and other's trying to educate society are long gone. Sadly it isn't going to go away.
If you ever want to lose faith in humanity, all you need to do is read the comment section on any news article. I don't know what it is, but ignorant and hateful people flock to the comment sections to spread their hate. Sometimes the topic doesn't even matter. You could be reading a piece about how cute kittens are and sure enough you would find someone there that needed to share their negative feelings on the lgbt community, blacks and jews, etc. It's sad.
:( :( so true!! I don't even know why I read them sometimes!!
Quote from: learningtolive on May 22, 2013, 04:32:48 PM
If you ever want to lose faith in humanity, all you need to do is read the comment section on any news article. I don't know what it is, but ignorant and hateful people flock to the comment sections to spread their hate. Sometimes the topic doesn't even matter. You could be reading a piece about how cute kittens are and sure enough you would find someone there that needed to share their negative feelings on the lgbt community, blacks and jews, etc. It's sad.
OMG don't get me going, yes it is absolutely infuriating!
Hey sometimes people ask if I am my girlfriend's mother when we are out with our son. I just and try and go with the flow. I am who I am and I figure that if I am seen a female long enough then I will be accepted as such. Its just up to others to figure out how two females can both be our child's biological parent.
Besides the meaning of parents is changing with the new genetics and same sex marriages. And with all of the misinformation people are willing to accept today as the truth what difference does it make.
Much of this male and female dichotomy is probably a matter of my twentieth century upbringing where only one male and one female could be parents. I need to get over it.
Internet comments are about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.
That being said, they are a great way of seeing peoples inner selves as opposed to the masks they put on in public.
"Internet comments are about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop."
Ding ding ding! We have todays winner in the "Make Devlyn Smile" contest!
Quote from: MaidofOrleans on May 22, 2013, 05:21:09 PM
Internet comments are about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.
That being said, they are a great way of seeing peoples inner selves as opposed to the masks they put on in public.
That got a real life laugh out loud. ;D Thanks for that. :laugh:
I read that too and very much identified with it. I also noticed the insane amount of negativity in other responses. The "That MAN is so selfish, how could HE do that to HIS children" repeated ad nauseum. Though to be fair there was some very nice supportive responses sprinkled in there too.
I identify with this situation as I am helping raise 2 daughters. Like you Shelly I often get mistaken for their mother especially since my older daughter looks a lot like me. It can definitely get awkward at times. A couple of times my oldest daughter, since she is so awesome about my transition and kind of assumes everyone else is too, has introduced me as Dad. I just roll with the punches and smile, so far no one has been nasty with me.
Oh what my kids usually call me is Dee. It's kind of short for Sadie and also is "D" for daddy.