I accepted myself as transgender just over 6 months ago and began transitioning soon after. I am now on HRT and out full time as Tessa James. I had previously announced, first privately and then very publicly, about my transgender status. My public "outing" included a front page newspaper article. My family, way back in Minnesota, responded with phone calls and some letter and email dialogue. My family of origin includes 13 siblings with some of those being fundamentalist christians and yours truly a secular humanist. I had some trepidation about the trip home with worries about potential hassles with security, public restrooms and family acceptance. As as has often been the case for me, my worries and fears were worse than reality. I traveled with a copy of my medical clinic paper identifying me in treatment as a transsexual. I have not yet changed my name legally so my licenses and passport still picture a bearded guy. At my life stage there are literally hundreds of documents that may need to be changed so I am ambivalent about it. I might just start with new pictures....
The security people were very cool and I suppose they have dealt with trans people before. My IDs did cause them to give me extra attention and when I explained I was TG they said OK and informed me that any "pat down" could be conducted by a woman in private if I requested. Sure enough the xray picked up the metal on my bra and with being less passable and having a male ID they did the pat down and I elected to just do it in public. The security folks seemed both respectful and unconcerned about me as TG.
Big airport terminals in the US often have gigantic restrooms with no private moments until we get to a stall. I was a bit nervous but again it was no big deal to anyone else and I probably caused more attention by running in and out of there so fast. As long as I kept a confident stride and smile the world seemed to mostly smile back. Clerks and business folks care more about our $ than our gender status and all were quite accommodating.
My closest brother picked me up and let me know he was laughingly relieved that I "wasn't as ugly" as he feared and suggested that I was "kinda passable." Getting reacquainted with my family was continuously a series of OMG! OMG! OMG, you really did it! with shy sideways looks to study my new profile. I felt great and found my 5 sisters to be very supportive while a couple of the more biblically oriented guys were having trouble processing and accepting the changes. Some shared a real sense of loss for the old Jim and I was honored they found me approachable. We had a huge family reunion on the North Shore of Lake Superior where we rented all the cabins at a resort and transformed the place into our tribal village. We wander from cabin to cabin sharing food, frolic and fun. Campfires surrounded by a big family circle with laughter and song filled the night. My sisters had a private "induction into the family sisterhood" for me. I just cried it was so sweet. One of my sisters coined the term "brister" and told me that is how she sees me while in transition. Most of the family tried earnestly to deal with my name and pronouns. Not too surprisingly, the christian guys had the usual reactions that included "god dosen't make mistakes" to "do you realize you could be deceived by demons?" For those I patiently responded and was politically incorrect in sometimes calling them "honey" which they did not like. Funny thing is those are just the guys that did not respect my name or their own childrens gay orientation. Seems we are capable of so many imaginary barriers to recognition of our shared humanity.
With a huge family there are other out gay nephews and a wide spectrum of perspectives to share. Many family members told me that their childhood life with me now made more sense. I was the stereotypical sissy that hated haircuts and sports and liked taking care of the babies. I never did much dating and was a very cynical teenager that ran away from home at 16. I was so wanting to be free and that desire burns even more brightly and securely today. I also met with one of my grade school-life long buddies and he too said he always knew I was different and my TG was not at all surprising--gee i wish he'd let me know sooner:-) All my life of guarding and hiding became too automatic and in hind sight, unnecessary.
The week long visit was exhausting and absolutely affirming of my new life as Tessa James. If midwestern america and I can handle each other there is no bridge to far and dreams really do come true. I am now living a dream that for decades seemed an impossible and unspeakable fantasy.
For families and dreams come true,
Tessa James
Oh my gosh Tessa, this post moved me so much.
I'm beyond happy for you. I can't even describe it! And yes, you're a beautiful woman! I'm glad your brother was able to at least see a bit of that. If I saw you in public there'd be no doubt in my mind that you were cis. None at all.
<3 hugs
Quote from: Tessa James on May 26, 2013, 02:50:54 PM
Some shared a real sense of loss for the old Jim and I was honored they found me approachable.
My mom once said she felt like she was losing one of her sons, but at the same time she felt like she was gaining a daughter.
Quote from: Tessa James on May 26, 2013, 02:50:54 PM
My sisters had a private "induction into the family sisterhood" for me. I just cried it was so sweet. One of my sisters coined the term "brister" and told me that is how she sees me while in transition.
These details gave me great joy.
Wow Tessa, it sounds like a great experience overall. Congratulations!
What an awesome family, Tessa! Sounds like a big relief, and good times. I'm so glad for you.
*hugs*
Wow, I am so happy for you. It sounds like your family is very accepting.
The "sister initiation" sounded so adorable! That is so sweet that they did that! You were really lucky, even if there seemed to be a few little bumps. That kind of reunion sounds really fun and laid back and I'm glad you had fun!
Thank you darlings for your thoughtful and supportive responses. My family does love me, they say it and show it even if we throw a lot of sarcasm and humor around to deal with the stresses. This is such very new territory for most of us to navigate and there seems no one right way to do it.
a couple of my brothers did take exception to my name change wherein I have dropped my father's middle name and made my old first name my new middle name. Tessa James honors the name my big sister gave me at age 3 and the life of many decades as James/Jim/Jimmy. Yes Beth this is a great relief and reassurance for my place in the universe and KYH, you are simply too kind. We are all aware of our friends on this path that have much bigger hurdles and I am so grateful to be able to share some of the fun and joyful moments with you too. Constance your note about the gains and losses is one of the "epiphanies" some of my friends and family find helpful. Part of the dynamic for some of my female friends is the new sense of any sexual tension between us dissolving--now we really are girlfriends.
I am really loving these changes and just hug myself with the delight of femme dressing, growing breasts and feeling free to be more me. Uww la la ladies! And now everyone seems to want to take me shopping! I resist a lot of that as I want this sense of my authentic self to fully feel the trial and error of new clothes, new looks and, as was recently posted, a chance to recapture some of that lost girlhood we never had.
Love and Hugs,
Tessa James