Sorry to spam the boards with my anxieties and concerns, but I wanted to get feedback. Am I the only person that worried about passing before hrt? Or did everyone else have the same fears about passing? I have been crying a lot today and feeling very depressed about my appearance, but I'm realizing I'm probably being unfair to myself. I won't start hrt until June-July, so maybe things will improve once I start hrt and begin laser. Also, I'm under 25 so I think the hormones might be beneficial to me. But I don't know for sure. Right now, I'm just shaving galore and growing out my hair. My hair getting long so that is improving things, but still I'm unsure. I can't really tell if their will be a light at the end of the tunnel. no matter what I'm transitioning because I'm a girl and life as a boy equals misery and no life. So, I wanted to see how it worked out for others. Did things drastically improve with hormones and laser or did you always feel like you passed without those things? Do you think those who worry about passing beforehand like myself are hopeless?
Again, sorry for my multiple posts and all my concerns. I'm sure I have driven everyone insane with my fears. I feel bad for everyone that reads my posts,lol.
I think it is the most common thing for a trans person to worry about. Passing basically means a way easier time transitioning. Though certainly not without problems I dislike when people think you don't have problems cause you pass. If you pass well and pass soon in all liklihood you were prob pretty femme or andro beforehand and harassed and beat up as a result. People do not like femme males and I'm speaking from experience. Well women do not men. And if you have been harrassed most of your life, you are going to have emotional problems. I know I do.
But anyhoo yeah don't worry that you're worried it's natural. No worries lol
I should qualify this: you obviously don't have to have been an femme male to pass well or quickly.
I was quite worried about my passing potential for most of 2012. I'm sure the same is true for everyone - except maybe the supermodels who also started that way. :)
I'm over 6' so didn't expect to pass ever.
If people don't accept me as female, then there's little basis for a friendship as far as I am concerned.
Starting hormones will help.
There is always light at the end of a tunnel. Unfortunately whilst in the tunnel it is hard to tell how long the tunnel is.
My life improved only after srs.
Completely normal, LTL.
I'd say you've got the right method though: Keepin' on keepin' on trying to find what will work for you. :)
You're going to be fine. It's a long road but I believe in you!
I think its something you do start out worrying about, but as you start to move on with your life you seem to move past it.
I think, from speaking with a lot of others about passing issues is you start to work out most people don't care.
I can see why one might be scared of not passing. But really, after all is said and done, you're going to transition no matter what; try your best not to focus on passing or not passing, because you have to do this for yourself even if you don't pass. Right? You're going to transition no matter who gets in your way aren't you? Then you can't let the fear of not passing paralyze you or upset you, it'll just make you miserable. If you're going to get the same result whether or not you worry, then just don't worry, because what's to come will come, and stressing about it won't make it any easier or change the outcome in any way.
I know it's not so easy to see things that way... But if you can take a little bit of that with you... You'll be freer to enjoy the months and years of your life that are spent in transition.
I think that passing was the first thing I worried about when I started to consider transitioning. I wanted (well, still want) to blend in with a crowd and not have everybody aware of my male past, but I didn't let my fears stop me from working out my gender issues and starting HRT.
Thanks everyone. I am glad to know I'm not the only one who faces or faced these fears. I feel a little better. I guess we can all use a downer day where we cry about not being pretty and accepted for who we are? I just don't like waiting for the changes. It takes too long. But I think I have potential to pass and even look pretty in the future. I've been dressing and playing with my hair tonight and feel better. I should doll myself up more often. I think I'll be okay, but I know there is work to be done. And I need to stop comparing myself to others who have fully transitioned and cisgender females. It's a bit unfair to do to myself when I am just starting transitioning. Of course I won't look the same. But how I would love to wake up as a super model. Well, maybe on day.
I worry, yes i may be average height here in the US, maybe an inch or three taller then most girls my age, but i have a very masculine face and several masculine tattoos.
I was worried about it as well. My first four months of laser I went in as boy mode. Treated coming out to my laser technician like any other person I had to come out to told her and she's been super supportive. If your comfortable just flat out tell her if you feel you can. It will take away gitters. The feeling of OMG am I passing? Will she know? Laser is uncomfortable already as it is no need to make it any more being mentally uncomfortable.
From what I've seen, worrying about passing doesn't seem to be unusual. Especially since HRT's changes aren't easily reversible, so you'd want to have at least some idea of your chances of success before starting. I know I certainly think about it.
As far as spamming the boards with your anxieties goes, it hasn't bothered me. That's what the boards are for. In fact I appreciate it, because if nothing else, I share many of your concerns, so it's saved me the trouble of asking. :D What can I say? I'm shy, and I have trouble writing. :-\
The fear of not passing put me off transition for over 10 years.I looked like Lemmy from Motorhead as a guy and I'm over 6'.
I've seen your pics and you are the most passable person pre-HRT that I've ever seen. I can only imagine how amazing you will look after 6 months of HRT!!! Also, watch for good deals on Gorupon or living social, I know they have some good deals in your area on a regular basis.
I am sure no-one feels that you are spamming the boards.
There is always going to be a fear of passing, whether it's pre-everything, or while on HRT and laser. It's always been YMMV for everyone. When I first started HRT, I had shaved my head completely due to the depression I was going through. And I looked like miniature male wrestler. ::) There might be days where we don't pass either because of some small thing that gives us away or even the obvious stuff, but things get better with time.
You would need to decide what course of action is best suited to you and your situation. Am sure things would be ok - just hang in there.
Hugs,
Ally.
Quote from: learningtolive on May 27, 2013, 09:08:29 PM
Sorry to spam the boards with my anxieties and concerns, but I wanted to get feedback. Am I the only person that worried about passing before hrt? Or did everyone else have the same fears about passing? I have been crying a lot today and feeling very depressed about my appearance, but I'm realizing I'm probably being unfair to myself. I won't start hrt until June-July, so maybe things will improve once I start hrt and begin laser. Also, I'm under 25 so I think the hormones might be beneficial to me. But I don't know for sure. Right now, I'm just shaving galore and growing out my hair. My hair getting long so that is improving things, but still I'm unsure. I can't really tell if their will be a light at the end of the tunnel. no matter what I'm transitioning because I'm a girl and life as a boy equals misery and no life. So, I wanted to see how it worked out for others. Did things drastically improve with hormones and laser or did you always feel like you passed without those things? Do you think those who worry about passing beforehand like myself are hopeless?
Again, sorry for my multiple posts and all my concerns. I'm sure I have driven everyone insane with my fears. I feel bad for everyone that reads my posts,lol.
It used to be, and may be still in some areas, that you had to have your RLE
before hormones. Personally, I think that is extremely cruel, and effectively stopped (and probably killed) many of our sisters.
At the same time, there are some MtF women who pass exceedingly well before HRT, or FFS, but I think they are likely in the minority.
Thanks everyone. I was just having a bad day yesterday. I actually think I do think I have a lot of potential and will pass in time. I'm just overly self critical. I look at other girls my age and it makes me cry that I don't look like them. But I do have potential and will be able to pass in time. I will just stop comparing myself to female celebrities and mtf's who have fully transitioned for now. That's for the future,lol. We all start somewhere and there is room for improvement. So, anyone reading this and worrying about the same thing, don't worry so much. Just do what you have to do and be happy. Passing will come in time. We'll all get there someday.
Uh, oh yeah I was worried lol. Have you seen my before pictures? They were pretty masculine. BTW, I started after 25 so... yeah.
Well about 4 month in on hrt and i can honestly say I still worry about it, once i feel confident to dress more(getting there) I am constantly worried my face will give me away, I find while not terribly masculine it is far from androgynous. When i picture myself dressed the way i want I try to avoid picturing my face so i do not get upset. So I'd say it is common for both before and during to worry about passing.
LTL, I have alot of the same fears and worries as you. I am in the same boat too. I can't start Therapy until June ,because that is when I should be getting insurance. So then I am hoping to be on HRT by end of July. Perhaps You and I can watch out for each other and work together on these issues. Since we should be going through them at same time. :) HRT buddies
Quote from: misschievous on May 28, 2013, 04:31:23 PM
LTL, I have alot of the same fears and worries as you. I am in the same boat too. I can't start Therapy until June ,because that is when I should be getting insurance. So then I am hoping to be on HRT by end of July. Perhaps You and I can watch out for each other and work together on these issues. Since we should be going through them at same time. :) HRT buddies
Aww, sure we can be HRT buddies :)
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 28, 2013, 03:05:42 PM
Uh, oh yeah I was worried lol. Have you seen my before pictures? They were pretty masculine. BTW, I started after 25 so... yeah.
Alaina,
I haven't seen your before pictures yet, but I do think your very inspirational. When I look at you avatar, I can't help but feel envious (I mean this in a good way). I can't imagine a time where you didn't pass :)
I'm sure I'm just letting fear get to me and things will be okay in the end. I just want it all to happen overnight.
Go to my YouTube channel. Theres a video up to my 1 year mark. I couldn't pass as a girl no matter how hard I tried before hormones and I didn't really pass well before laser, either.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 28, 2013, 07:02:57 PM
Go to my YouTube channel. Theres a video up to my 1 year mark. I couldn't pass as a girl no matter how hard I tried before hormones and I didn't really pass well before laser, either.
Wow, I watched the video. That is really an amazing transition! Honestly, you look great. Really, thank you so much for sharing that. It was very inspirational. That really made me feel a lot better and put a big smile on me. Even though I have panicking, I know I'm not really in a bad spot. I just want to wake up looking like Natalie Portman, but that will take some time,lol.
:)
It's really just starting to shape now for me in being attractive to lots of men. Like just over the past month or so I've had more men hit on me and give me those eyes than almost all of my life put together. It takes time.
I never even tried before laser and hrt. I started laser a year before I started hrt.
Quote from: Sadie on May 29, 2013, 10:13:36 AM
I never even tried before laser and hrt. I started laser a year before I started hrt.
Yeah, I hear you. Those aspects make things easier. But I just hate having to continue living in boy mode for too much longer. It really pains me everyday. So, I don't know. I'll be starting laser fairly soon and hormones sometime in June (july at the latest) so hopefully I'll get somewhere quickly.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 29, 2013, 01:16:23 AM
:)
It's really just starting to shape now for me in being attractive to lots of men. Like just over the past month or so I've had more men hit on me and give me those eyes than almost all of my life put together. It takes time.
I know it takes time. I'm just impatient. How I can't wait for guys to be into me,lol. I mean I have had attention from guys before, but it is fairly different from the attention girls get.
WOW Alaina, I watched that video and that Did give me hope :)
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 28, 2013, 07:02:57 PM
Go to my YouTube channel. Theres a video up to my 1 year mark. I couldn't pass as a girl no matter how hard I tried before hormones and I didn't really pass well before laser, either.
Wow what a change! I wouldnt even be able to know you were the same person from your pictures in your youtube video to your avatar. Good for you :)
I'd like to add I've still been changing 10 months after I posted that video. Now it's hard for me to go anywhere without men taking an interest in me or at least calling me some pet name like sweetie, and that just started happening to that extent in the past month or so. I get a LOT of "I bet men hit on you all the time" now. And I live in a city where trans presence is high, so people are used to coming across them (thus being better able to clock them).
But yeah, I worried if I would ever pass. I even reasoned with myself if I couldn't pass by the time I was 45, I might as well be dead.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 29, 2013, 09:04:34 PM
I'd like to add I've still been changing 10 months after I posted that video. Now it's hard for me to go anywhere without men taking an interest in me or at least calling me some pet name like sweetie, and that just started happening to that extent in the past month or so. I get a LOT of "I bet men hit on you all the time" now.
Now that's just bragging ;)
Quote from: learningtolive on May 29, 2013, 10:03:53 PM
Now that's just bragging ;)
Feels good to be proud :)
But don't worry. It's absolutely possible to pass with HRT if you could never pass before (considering a few things like an overly prominent brow ridge or knobbly chin aren't present).
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on May 29, 2013, 10:21:17 PM
Feels good to be proud :)
But don't worry. It's absolutely possible to pass with HRT if you could never pass before (considering a few things like an overly prominent brow ridge or knobbly chin aren't present).
Well, I've been told I have feminine facial features and girls have always been jealous of my eyes,lol. But I get afraid sometimes. I guess it won't matter for long because I'll be on hrt pretty soon. I can't wait!
You'll be fine I'm sure. Eyes and cheekbones are a big plus if they're already feminine.
Hi Alaina, I saw your before pictures and the change is pretty startling... Do you have a link for your youtube channel too? I don't have enough posts yet to view profiles
And to stay on topic, I am SOOOO terrified that I won't be able to pass too, so I think the feeling is pretty normal..
Alaina I saw your video 6/7 months ago and I remember it being one of the main ones I watched over and over. It gave me the confidence I needed to start my own transition. I never got a chance to say thank you, but now seems like an appropriate time.
THANK YOU for your amazingly inspirational video! It helped me so much! I think one of the greatest parts about it is how beautiful you become without FFS. And even comparing the final result of the video to how you look now I definitely do see a huge change, too. You're an inspiration!
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 30, 2013, 02:44:26 PM
Alaina I saw your video 6/7 months ago and I remember it being one of the main ones I watched over and over. It gave me the confidence I needed to start my own transition. I never got a chance to say thank you, but now seems like an appropriate time.
THANK YOU for your amazingly inspirational video! It helped me so much! I think one of the greatest parts about it is how beautiful you become without FFS. And even comparing the final result of the video to how you look now I definitely do see a huge change, too. You're an inspiration!
While we are on the subject of thanking people for their inspiration, I would like to thank you for posting your video as well. It really has given me a lot of strength and confidence in my transition. I'm hoping my transition goes as smoothly as both yours and Alaina's.
Quick Update:
Someone isn't going to be pre HRT for much longer. I have my first Endo appointment on Monday and my therapist is approving of my decision. It was scary to make the call and admit to a stranger over the phone I was trans, but it wasn't a big deal overall. It looks like it will all be happening in June. This is so exciting!
.
Quote from: learningtolive on May 30, 2013, 03:29:52 PM
Quick Update:
Someone isn't going to be pre HRT for much longer. I have my first Endo appointment on Monday and my therapist is approving of my decision. It was scary to make the call and admit to a stranger over the phone I was trans, but it wasn't a big deal overall. It looks like it will all be happening in June. This is so exciting!
Yay! Brilliant, congratulations! :)
Get ready for a great time, albeit one that takes a little while to really get into gear, but patience is rewarded.
Quote from: Jennygirl on May 30, 2013, 02:44:26 PM
Alaina I saw your video 6/7 months ago and I remember it being one of the main ones I watched over and over. It gave me the confidence I needed to start my own transition. I never got a chance to say thank you, but now seems like an appropriate time.
THANK YOU for your amazingly inspirational video! It helped me so much! I think one of the greatest parts about it is how beautiful you become without FFS. And even comparing the final result of the video to how you look now I definitely do see a huge change, too. You're an inspiration!
I didn't see it before transitioning, but I saw it a while back. It was a very well done video and you're gorgeous. Another video I saw was Raidersgirl, or something, I can't remember screen names >.> However, I know she's a member as well. That video was also well done and she too looks great.
As per the OP, yeah, I think everyone worries about passing. Someone said earlier it means an easier transition, but it's also beauty culture. All women are judged on their appearance and transwomen have to learn to navigate this beauty culture very fast while starting out behind other girls thanks to male puberty. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry about passing before coming out. I mean, the main reason I wanted to "pass" is because I'm a girl and I wanted the full girl experience. I wanted guys to flirt with me, to check me out, to buy me drinks at the club, and for girls to just accept me as one of them no questions asked. I wanted to get to a point in my life where I could just go stealth about it, assimilate among women, and keep my old life to myself no one else being the wiser. Some women don't like the term passing, but I know exactly what you mean. Some of us are just more vain than others ;) :D
The good thing though is that you're still relatively young. Hormones do have a better effect the younger you start them, especially on the face (speaking from conjecture). Pre-HRT I had a rather prominent brow and masculine jaw, and two years later they're gone. No FFS. Moral of the story, you won't pass day one on hormones, very few of us do. Just give them time and they'll give you more feminine features. I noticed my facial changes around month 7-8, so be patient. However, don't get your hopes up on boobs just because you started young. I started HRT at 22 and two years later have only an A to show for it. It largely comes down to family gentics, darn genes :(. So, expect nothing in terms of boob growth and everything you get is just that much more awesome.
And congratulations/good luck on starting HRT soon :) Keep us up to date.
Quote from: learningtolive on May 30, 2013, 03:29:52 PM
Quick Update:
Someone isn't going to be pre HRT for much longer. I have my first Endo appointment on Monday and my therapist is approving of my decision. It was scary to make the call and admit to a stranger over the phone I was trans, but it wasn't a big deal overall. It looks like it will all be happening in June. This is so exciting!
Awesome news LTL!
Quote from: iiii on May 30, 2013, 03:34:46 PM
That was fast ...
I feel that way too, but in a good way. I'm surprised everything is moving along so quickly. The only part I don't like about the pace this is all taking is the coming out part. It's progressing so much that everyone's going to catch on soon if they haven't already which my therapist believes may already be the case. Once I have EOBs sent to the house from an endocrinologist I'm going to need to be able to explain that. I prepared a letter and all, but I don't feel prepared to hand it out yet.
Quote from: learningtolive on May 30, 2013, 06:02:46 PM
Once I have EOBs sent to the house from an endocrinologist I'm going to need to be able to explain that. I prepared a letter and all, but I don't feel prepared to hand it out yet.
Two words: congrats and PO Box. Well I guess that's four words
Thanks for the kind words yall :) I'm glad you found it inspiring. There's a few that inspired me to start HRT and it feels great to pass that inspiration along!