Hi everyone I'm Naomi :),
So I'm still very new to everything, but I'm having a really rough time and would like to see if anyone had any thoughts, or is / or knows someone who went through something similar. I'm currently 21 and I think I'm experiencing gender dysphoria to the point where it is interfering with my ability to function normally in day to day life mainly due to anxiety, trouble sleeping, and downward mood swings. I'm currently seeing a therapist at my school who specializes in transgender issues and at the moment I want to start HRT ASAP and make my body both feel and appear feminine. However, one of the issues that I'm having in convincing my parents, is that this constant intense sense of dysphoria came on comparatively suddenly. By that I mean that by 15 I was definitely having sporadic thoughts about being female and a desire to be female but they were infrequent and easily brushed off as something I thought to be impossible. These had been increasing in frequency as I got older and over the last year I have had sporadic instances of feeling really down/ depressed and honestly started to wonder if I might be trans. Well 7 weeks ago it was like a switch flipped and I had the worst week of my life in terms of feeling sad and confused, but by the end of the week and after talking to several people in the GLBT community at my college I was pretty sure that I identify as female mentally and in my heart.
Well it's been 7 weeks now with a constant state of identifying as female, and to help improve my mood I shave most of my body hair and all of my facial hair, and I now exclusively wear panties and a bra for underwear. I'm also currently growing my hair out (something I've wanted to do for a really long time) and I'm looking into electrolysis to get rid of my facial hair. I hate seeing myself in a mirror or pictures (never really liked pictures of myself since I was like 8 ) and I often feel various levels of negative attitudes toward my genitals ranging from annoyance to self disgust for touching them. I also have trouble not thinking about the fact that I don't feel right and it's really distracting. Despite all this I don't want it to stop experiencing this and go back to identifying as male, I really want to be seen as female since my mind is absolutely sure that I am female.
As I said though my parents are concerned that it's something other than gender dysphoria because of the sudden switch in intensity and because I am attracted to women. I haven't been able to ask my therapist about this yet and I'm really concerned because with pretty much everything I've read it always seems like people knew for years that they identified with the sex opposite their genetic sex and I haven't really seen anything about someone who had a very rapid onset of dysphoria.
I really hope this doesn't sound desperate lol, I don't mean to be that way.
Hi, Naomi! Welcome to the community! :)
I can't really give much advice on what to say to your parents to help them understand, but I can tell you that everything you mentioned, even the rapid onset of dysphoria, is completely normal. Those who realize their "incorrect" gender from a young age are very much in the minority, though they're mainly who the media focuses on. A story about a six year old boy who wants to be a woman is sure to get a lot more publicity than a story about a forty year old man with the same feelings. I'm 20, and I can completely identify with everything you've said so far. I've had some girly habits since I was younger, but none of these TG feelings arrived until the past few years. I didn't even consider that being transsexual was an option until late last year, but I have nearly complete confidence in my decision to pursue this. I say "nearly" because we all have off days where this seems entirely crazy ;)
Oh, and nothing about your post seemed desperate. Again, your thoughts are completely normal, and it's good of you to seek support. If you hang around these boards for a while, you'll start seeing new members arrive with posts that seem awfully familiar.
Thanks Horizon it's just good to hear that there other people in similar boat. :)
I can be fine for a few days, even weeks, and then suddenly (like this week) it gets bad. I hate dressing as a girl (I'm biologically female, sorry for sneaking into the girl side!) and I have horrible mood swings. But eventually it calms down a little and I can think more clearly.
Quote from: Horizon on May 31, 2013, 07:27:17 PM
Those who realize their "incorrect" gender from a young age are very much in the minority, though they're mainly who the media focuses on. A story about a six year old boy who wants to be a woman is sure to get a lot more publicity than a story about a forty year old man with the same feelings.
I used to think I was in the majority since I have had these feelings since I was 5 or 6. And identified as trans by age 10 when I read about it and knew what I was. Before that I thought I was XXY or intersexed.
Anyhoo, you're an adult so why the need to convince the parents? You don't need to convince anyone. You're feelings are perfectly valid and you don't need permission to transition at your age. If it's a money thing, find a roommate.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on May 31, 2013, 10:30:55 PM
I used to think I was in the majority since I have had these feelings since I was 5 or 6
Could be possible. I just went by what I've seen on here and the various other trans support boards ;D
Quote from: Horizon on May 31, 2013, 10:34:45 PM
Could be possible. I just went by what I've seen on here and the various other trans support boards ;D
No I agree. Going by the forums, I see to be a distinct minority if not an outright outlier. I know there are a couple other women on here that have a similar experience but it seems like rapid onset transsexuality is the norm. People just discover it. And that's totally awesome. Nothing wrong with that and it is completely valid.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on May 31, 2013, 10:30:55 PM
I used to think I was in the majority since I have had these feelings since I was 5 or 6. And identified as trans by age 10 when I read about it and knew what I was. Before that I thought I was XXY or intersexed.
Anyhoo, you're an adult so why the need to convince the parents? You don't need to convince anyone. You're feelings are perfectly valid and you don't need permission to transition at your age. If it's a money thing, find a roommate.
The biggest factor is that I really value and love my family and It's important to me that we remain close. I did decide early on that no matter what I'd pursue what's right for me though. Thankfully they've been a lot better than I expected about things, and I know it's been tough on them as well but they are coming around to the idea of me being female. Also money would be a huge issue for me if they decided to cut me off to try and prevent me from doing anything. I'd find a way but it'd be a lot harder than what I'm looking at with their support.
Thanks for your input though.
Naomi, please continue to work with your therapist at college. Therapists can also be valuable at developing strategies to explain what is going on to your family and friends.
Quote from: Jamie D on May 31, 2013, 11:13:28 PM
Naomi, please continue to work with your therapist at college. Therapists can also be valuable at developing strategies to explain what is going on to your family and friends.
That is great advice.
You really sound like you want to maintain a relationship with your family. I'm the same way. So, I would suggest to continue working with your therapist and tell her what direction you want to go in. If she is helpful, she will assist you in properly moving towards your goal. Be honest and try to investigate all the scenarios that are available to you. In the end, you want to make sure you make the right choice because transitioning can leave permanent results and it is not for everyone. But if it's right for you, it can be a wonderful path.
Don't worry too much about the age of realization. We are all different. My early childhood was bigender with a lot of feminine qualities and I didn't realize I was trans until I was 10-11. Even then, I wouldn't have said trans, but instead said that I was a boy who really really wanted to live as a girl. I didn't start to understand I was trans until I learned what it meant. If you started to come to terms with things when you were 15, that is fine. In fact, that is relatively young considering the stories I've heard from others. So don't worry about it.
As for the sexuality, there are plenty of transwomen who are gay. In fact, it seems most that I encounter are either gay or bisexual. So, that doesn't really mean anything one way or the other.
Good luck with everything :)
.
Quote from: iiii on June 01, 2013, 06:15:16 AM
Though, I think most trans people don't go to support boards. Just those who have issues with their transition, so the info you get from support forums is quite biased.
That's true. I've found that most trans people I meet in person realized when they were younger. Online it's a lot more mixed. It's pretty difficult to guess what the average age of realization actually happens to be.
Quote from: Jamie D on May 31, 2013, 11:13:28 PM
Naomi, please continue to work with your therapist at college. Therapists can also be valuable at developing strategies to explain what is going on to your family and friends.
I'll definitely do that, to be honest I wish could go to therapy more often than what they allow. :laugh:
I agree that we aren't in the majority (as forum goers, that is), but I think we're less of a minority than, say, gamers who actually use gaming forums. I'm always amazed at how many members this site has. If this rock has 7 billion residents, we make up 0.000001635% of it. If one in one hundred thousand people are trans, that would be...1.43e-5% of the population, I think. So, if my calculations are correct (and they aren't, because I haven't taken math since high school [oh my god, how old am I to use that as an excuse]), we make up ~10% of the trans population. Maybe. I don't know, I may have broken my brain ;D
Quote from: Horizon on June 01, 2013, 10:37:04 AM
I agree that we aren't in the majority (as forum goers, that is), but I think we're less of a minority than, say, gamers who actually use gaming forums. I'm always amazed at how many members this site has. If this rock has 7 billion residents, we make up 0.000001635% of it. If one in one hundred thousand people are trans, that would be...1.43e-5% of the population, I think. So, if my calculations are correct (and they aren't, because I haven't taken math since high school [oh my god, how old am I to use that as an excuse]), we make up ~10% of the trans population. Maybe. I don't know, I may have broken my brain ;D
Probably not that old, I used that excuse a couple of months ago in college because I was taking my last required math class but it had been a solid six years since doing that type of math. :P
Quote from: Horizon on June 01, 2013, 10:37:04 AM
I agree that we aren't in the majority (as forum goers, that is), but I think we're less of a minority than, say, gamers who actually use gaming forums. I'm always amazed at how many members this site has. If this rock has 7 billion residents, we make up 0.000001635% of it. If one in one hundred thousand people are trans, that would be...1.43e-5% of the population, I think. So, if my calculations are correct (and they aren't, because I haven't taken math since high school [oh my god, how old am I to use that as an excuse]), we make up ~10% of the trans population. Maybe. I don't know, I may have broken my brain ;D
Not to sidetrack Naomi's topic, but there was a recent (2011) metastudy conducted by the Williams Institute at UCLA, which estimated that approximately 3.5% of the American population identifies as LGBT, with approximately 0.3% identifying as transgender.
http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Gates-How-Many-People-LGBT-Apr-2011.pdf (http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Gates-How-Many-People-LGBT-Apr-2011.pdf)
It will just take time for them to accept it.
As the others have said continue with your therapist and over time you at the very least will feel stronger and more informed about this.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 01, 2013, 03:36:01 PM
Not to sidetrack Naomi's topic, but there was a recent (2011) metastudy conducted by the Williams Institute at UCLA, which estimated that approximately 3.5% of the American population identifies as LGBT, with approximately 0.3% identifying as transgender.
http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Gates-How-Many-People-LGBT-Apr-2011.pdf (http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Gates-How-Many-People-LGBT-Apr-2011.pdf)
Thanks a million for that. I am fairly surprised at the numbers, in particular at the transgender percentage. I originally assumed that they meant 0.3% of the 3.5%, which would be close to the 1/10,000 ratio that I've heard toted around (usually 1/3,000 - 1/10,000); but reading the paper the 0.3% is versus the overall population, making it a 1/333 -- significantly higher than any number I have seen to date. Wow.
Seems we are legion. ;D
Quote from: Christine167 on June 01, 2013, 04:01:04 PM
It will just take time for them to accept it.
As the others have said continue with your therapist and over time you at the very least will feel stronger and more informed about this.
Thanks Christine. I'm actually quite proud of my parents and how far they've come so far with accepting me, it just seems like right now the name of the game is finding answers for every little question that comes up. I guess it's helpful because it forces to me to become informed but it does wear me out sometimes.
Quote from: Theo on June 01, 2013, 04:09:13 PM
Thanks a million for that. I am fairly surprised at the numbers, in particular at the transgender percentage. I originally assumed that they meant 0.3% of the 3.5%, which would be close to the 1/10,000 ratio that I've heard toted around (usually 1/3,000 - 1/10,000); but reading the paper the 0.3% is versus the overall population, making it a 1/333 -- significantly higher than any number I have seen to date. Wow.
Seems we are legion. ;D
So as not to
further hijack Naomi's topic, I have made a blog entry here:
How many of us are there? (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,141925.msg1153287/topicseen.html#msg1153287)