OK, so I am definitely absolutely going to come out to my family by the end of the month - this is something that will happen. No more excuses.
But I was simply thinking about the method by which I should do this.
Obviously with my parents (who I still live with outside of term-time), coming out face-to-face is a must. But with the rest of the family, I was thinking maybe an email which I can send to them all? Is this a bad idea? Should I tell them in person as well?
Which method is more likely to get a less terrible reaction? Because as it stands, I'm fairly sure they won't disown me, but that's about the only thing I can be sure of.
Ah yes. To be a bit more specific, I have three older siblings, who all live close by, an aunt that lives fairly close as well, and the other family members I only really see once or at most twice a year.
I definitely recommend telling your parents face to face. In our case, my immediate family has basically decided to not tell the rest of the family until they feel confident enough to answer questions. I've let it be for now but there's been some friction about me maintaining appearances.
Email sounds like an ok way to do it but I would get some feedback from other members more experienced with this type of coming out first
Quote from: Cassandra Hyacinth on June 01, 2013, 04:57:21 PM
OK, so I am definitely absolutely going to come out to my family by the end of the month - this is something that will happen. No more excuses.
But I was simply thinking about the method by which I should do this.
Obviously with my parents (who I still live with outside of term-time), coming out face-to-face is a must. But with the rest of the family, I was thinking maybe an email which I can send to them all? Is this a bad idea? Should I tell them in person as well?
Which method is more likely to get a less terrible reaction? Because as it stands, I'm fairly sure they won't disown me, but that's about the only thing I can be sure of.
Email is a good way I did that route to a few family members as well as over the phone. The thing about email is that you can give them time to digest it and see it threw. You also can attach links and such describing ->-bleeped-<- to help them understand. YouTube videos etc. can be linked as well.
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My suggestion is e-mail with a photo attached, preferably your best or a good one. You can also add links, but it's good to check the source. A site such as National Healthcare or a popular and informative support site (Susan's for example) is better than the Rainbow LGBT Community Action Group (the names are made up btw). The photo adds a touch of reality and prevents those you tell from using their own imagination.
Be patient and accept that no matter how you do this, it's going to cause a shock.
Face to face my suggestion is for the 'leading question' strategy.
A leading question comes of course from law (is also known as suggestive interrogation) and it's a question that suggests the particular answer that the examiner is looking to have confirmed.
For example:
- Were you at KCs Diner between 9pm and 11pm on the evening of February 23?
What I mean by coming out by leading question is that you break down the information into smaller chunks and try and elicit a specific reaction by suggestion or anticipating the response or reaction.
This way you're breaking down the information and working gradually to give them the full picture, and trying at every step to elicit a response more suitable to a dialogue than simply blurting out which suggests 'I'm trans so deal with it' which would leave you more open to confrontation (which would be closer to what I call a duck and run strategy).
This way you can relate your own process of realization and experiences of coming to terms with being trans, which makes it clear that it's not something you've suddenly decided but more something that you've had to deal with over a period of time and that you were afraid to reveal or share with anyone up to this point.
Don't be afraid to show your vulnerability and admit that it's a major issue which has caused you a lot of distress.
I've used this strategy in the past and it's worked for me. It just might work for you.
Or you could just come out to the important people, and not bother with the rest of the family.
Quote from: Serena Lynn on June 01, 2013, 06:24:29 PM
Email is a good way I did that route to a few family members as well as over the phone. The thing about email is that you can give them time to digest it and see it threw. You also can attach links and such describing ->-bleeped-<- to help them understand. YouTube videos etc. can be linked as well.
Wow, I hadn't even considered doing that (linking to web resources, I mean). Thanks for the advice. :)