Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Because I'm somewhat conflicted about the topic of SRS...

How does being non-op affect your everyday life?

I'm just sort of afraid that I'll never find someone that can love me for who I am as opposed to what my shape my genitals happen to be...

I'm also afraid of being treated as male by girls that I want to be close friends with...

If that's the case, then there isn't much point in me transitioning if I'm not going to have SRS...(no offense to other non op people who have or are transitioning)

Yay...hello rock...hello hard place...*beats head violently against rock*

[Edit]
I'm Pansexual if that makes much difference...I don't think it does though...

Finding an understanding guy can be difficult, pre or post op. There is a stunning woman in my TG group, post-op, who has no guy in her life. She is not stealth at an is an out an open advocate for TG causes. So as our group moderator reminded me "It takes a very special guy..."  Something that totally escaped me since My wife, who is 25 years post op, and I started dating over 30 years ago.

I never considered myself to be a special guy. I guess I am  :o

I don't like it when cis folk imply that we need to have SRS to be our true gender.  Yet, I think a lot of the time when they say things like, "They had surgery and now they're a girl." it's because they don't want to say the word vagina.  Which makes me think of The Big Lebowski:

Quote from: MAUDE LEBOWSKI
In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.

I love that scene.

Anyway, I seem to be asexual so the parts don't matter to me much.

Quote from: Skye-Blue on June 04, 2013, 08:15:07 PM
Because I'm somewhat conflicted about the topic of SRS...

How does being non-op affect your everyday life?

Short version, it doesn't really.

QuoteI'm just sort of afraid that I'll never find someone that can love me for who I am as opposed to what my shape my genitals happen to be...

I found someone who loved me.. She claimed to be a straight woman, she'd certainly never been with another woman. Us getting together forced her to reassess that.. She concluded that she wasn't as straight as she thought she was.

QuoteI'm also afraid of being treated as male by girls that I want to be close friends with...

None of my female friends treat me like a male. But then, few of them really did pre-transition either. There are some topics they are a little more open about now.

QuoteIf that's the case, then there isn't much point in me transitioning if I'm not going to have SRS...(no offense to other non op people who have or are transitioning)

Yay...hello rock...hello hard place...*beats head violently against rock*

[Edit]
I'm Pansexual if that makes much difference...I don't think it does though...

Who are you living your life for? I'm non-op.. It really makes no difference to my day to day life. I now lead a much happier, more peaceful life. I am living the life I should always have lived. What's in my pants makes no appreciable difference to that..

I think my last post was influenced by a cis person yesterday.  Still, that's the only influence being non op has had thus far is dealing with the assertion or implication that you have to have SRS to transition.

Overall, I agree with and largely share the experience of Kelly.

Being non-op screws up my self image. I see genetic females and get very sad that I don't have what they have down below.

I'm knee deep in divorce and am not dating, so I have no idea what it will do to my romantic life.

This is something that has been occupying my mind alot lately. I know why I started this journey 25 years ago. I didn't want to end up as an old, masculine looking, man in a dress, but I didn't know what the destination was.

Initially that wasn't a problem as the mones were pretty ineffective but in this last year my boobs have really,really grown which has put me in an in-between situation. For a while the self image thing suzi refers to was messing with me but then I realised that I was trying to please others and I have no reason to do that

I think I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to be a woman or a man despite the pressure I feel from various sources. I want to look like a woman definitely, but I don't want to "function" like one.

Now that I've come to that realisation I'm happy that that is my destination

I think part of the problem comes from the negative connotations that come with the word ->-bleeped-<- and the phrase "you can't have the best of both worlds" Well, sounds great to me.

I'm sure there must be many men/women who like the lower parts of a male but nothing else about males. In fact I remember a documentary of a sexworker where she said once she had SRS her career was effectively over as she had a lot fewer clients.

I'm not looking for anyone but it's just a case of finding the right person and that's true wherever you are on the spectrum

My main issue with being non-op is dating. It's quite difficult being a self identified trans-lesbian with that thing between my legs. Even on dating sites like OkCupid I mostly get messages from older male creepers. Finding trans-romantic women is quite difficult. Not to mention the matter of wearing all the cute frilly goth stuff I like without fear of a gust of wind revealing my "friend" to the world.

I'm not all that effected by being non-op.  When I first started transition, I was certain that no matter what, before I died I'd get the surgery....but over time I got less gung-ho, to the point that now, I never plan on it.  I'm not a big fan of surgery, period.  It's all too invasive for me....

I've come to understand for me at least, that a vagina isn't really preferable to a penis.....not to say a penis is preferable to a vagina....they both are equally unattractive as far as I'm concerned....sex organs are my least favorite characteristic of the human body, and even SRS is purely cosmetic.  A vagina constructed from penile tissue is still penile tissue.  I've learned to operate the equipment I have pretty darn well (or so I'm told), and if I had it removed, I'd still end up using with a strap-on in the sack.  It seems like a lot less trouble to simply save the money, pain, and risk and forego the surgery.  Perhaps this would be different if I was single, but as it is now, the only people who get to see me that far undressed are me and my partner, and it's just not causing us enough trouble to be an issue.

The rest of the world perceives me as a woman, I perceive me as a woman, and my partner sees me as a woman.

I guess HRT was enough to quell any dysphoria I had.  For that I am happy. 

Well, I messed around with therapy and talked about starting hormones with the doc but I was not able to get a letter for hormone therapy. Even though I am still considering going through the process again, I was a little worried about whether I could handle the no alcohol/drug rule that was strongly encouraged as a condition for hormone therapy. During that time I bought a bunch of men's clothes over time and transitioned my female clothes out. I don't hardly wear female clothes anymore and I feel better. I changed my facebook gender to male and that was okay even though some people think it's kind of weird. A lot of people on there identify me as a guy now which is totally okay. I became more okay with not trying to change that some people will still call me female and whatever and just let them do it rather than fight it tooth and nail like I used to. But I enjoy living more like a guy and having more people identify me as a guy. I've come to feel it's okay and I can be myself even though sometimes I worry that my language gives me off as a female (if not my voice). The weird thing is I still like wearing women's underwear (but not the really femmy stuff just jockies) and that's cool with me cuz I have no sex life anyway and I find it a little more comfortable, unfortunately I can't get used to wearing the guys underwear especially briefs just have no penis it doesn't feel quite right for me currently. I'm sort of okay with this, and not having to see doctors for hormones or work about how hormones might effect my body or mental state in a negative way, but I still would like to try them at some point if possible. But I still feel like a lot of body dysphoria, and don't like my breasts that much, or other things and it makes me feel weird in sex relationships because I don't know how I should identify or if I can find a person who respects I feel like a guy, but have this female body. I don't think I could ever afford any surgeries (and possibly not the hormones even) so it might be better this way, but the dysphoria makes me feel weird when I'm naked or in a swim suit, because i have a fairly masculine face and short hair and can almost pass as a guy without the testosterone, but when I'm naked with the guys clothes off, it seems like my cover is blown and I just feel unusual. It's okay but I'm not sure that it's the best situation I can be in.

I find myself to be an extraordinarily lucky girl. My hormone therapy is covered by the VA since I'm a medically retired veteran. Even so, I started while I was still on active duty and had Tricare pay for them, so I haven't had to pay out of pocket for them (except finasteride). My transition has gone exceptionally well and more so than I could have ever hoped for. Finally, as a polyamorous woman, I have both my husband AND a very supportive trans-man boyfriend at my sides supporting me in all this.

However...being non-op has been very damaging. I can't look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I still see the "man" in me...I will never put on a bathing suit and I despise even looking at "it". The worst part about this is I seem to attract all sorts of men...but they all fetishize me as something different to ->-bleeped-<-. I have to make a conscious effort everyday not castrate myself because I just want to be rid of it. The problem I have is that the Veterans Affairs Administration will not cover gender reassignment surgery. I wish that they would. Maybe I am sounding ungrateful, but is it to much for to ask to allow me to be myself? I think not...

I used to say that I wish I just didn't have anything there, period. It's been nothing but a discomfort and an annoyance. As for having a full SRS procedure, I'd probably be more open to the cosmetic one as I have no interest in penetration. I'm not opposed to orgasms, but sexual activity has always felt very awkward to me. Maybe it's just because I had to be the male. And I never last beyond 5 minutes. I get too emotionally involved to the point where I feel sex as a mindless chore. I'd rather just snog and enjoy someone's company. But then when I do that something had a mind of its own and that's so embarrassing. So, yeah... I've been single for 10 years now.

that i an not not doing it now gets me down i an so unhappy the way i an now i got a fursuit to stop ones from seeing the me i do not like

For years I thought I was just a CD but then realized that I am more transgender than anything else. I have thought lots about getting surgery but I know that the price of it I could never afford and that its just a pipe dream and I am okay with that. I am so far from being totally comfortable being transgender because I just recently started to label myself that. When I am a guy and in public and if I go to places like gay bars other guys find me very attractive but inside I know that I couldn't be with them for a long term because inside my soul I am a female and I just recently wrote a letter to my real mom who I haven't seen in like 20 years telling her that I am transgender.

I feel like I just want to tell the world that I am this way but I know that majority of people that I work with and what not would not understand and I would be a freak to them even though the only time I hang out with those people is at work. I know that I will always want to be a female until the end of time when they put me six feet under but I have come to the realization that I will never be changed between my legs and to be honest how much different would it be if I was changed down there. I would still be gay and interested in men except I would have a vagina rather than a penis, would that turn most guys on or off and would I be able to be with someone as a female all the time?

I mean I enjoy being a male sometimes but enjoy the aspect of wanting to be a female as well. When it comes to both I think its like 75% of me wants to be female while the other 25% enjoys being a guy and perhaps overtime the number of wanting to be a guy will become slower but I look at it that I am 40 years old and that say by the time I get surgery I am like 50 and that gives me how many years to be female exclusively. I would have preferred to have gotten the surgery when I was younger.

I guess in the end I am okay with it and have accepted it. Perhaps in the next years I will say heck with it and take hormones and grow breasts but then my life as a guy would be over because then I would have to dress in public and be known as a female because a guy with breasts and wearing a bra all the time would be kind of strange in all honesty.

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 05, 2013, 07:39:52 AM
I see genetic females and get very sad that I don't have what they have down below.

that for me too;
i do not like it (to be pre op) , that thing annoy me at times others i just acknowledge its there and woum ld rather its not or never have been its the good reasons others had to stuff me in male box in there mind , at times it feel like a chastity belt made of flesh , i can not let myself sleep naked because of it , and i dont feel like intimacy with others because of it , sometime i would like to be with a guy that could be transphobic and i cant until i m fixed

Hello,

How does being a m2f non-op affect me? Simple I don't let it affect me. I am comfortable enough with myself that I can honestly be a woman with male genitalia. Transitioning socially, growing out my hair, learning to be a woman, taking HRT to grow breasts and achieve female attributes, and changing my name are enough for my transition. I was very methodical and decided what I would do and wouldn't do in regards to my transition before I started it.

Sure I would like to have a vagina but I just don't see a reason to go ahead and have the srs. I am both non-op and lesbian.  I would date both trans-women and genetic women.  I'm 31 years old and started transition 3 years ago. I've been full time and on HRT for 2 years and 2 months. There are 5 personal/medical reasons why I'm non-op.

1. General fear of surgery,  2. I don't respond well to anesthesia,  3. Cost (big one),  4. Not willing to take extended time off of work for recuperation (not worth it),  5. I am not willing to dilate the rest of my life.


There are women out there that would be interested in or accepting of a non-operative trans-lesbian. They might be a bit harder to find but they are out there. In the three years I have been transitioning not once has anyone said anything about me using the women's bathroom. When I started dressing en femme I used the women's bathroom. When I went full time I made it a habit of using the women's bathroom. Its now been over 2 years that I have been using the women's room. I don't think anything about it. I just see myself like any other woman that uses the women's room even if I am non-op.


I am passable 95 percent of the time. As a friend once told me if you act like you belong somewhere and act like yourself then everyone will treat you like you belong there. I'm proof it works. I'm sorry if my reply came off as bitchy but I couldn't find the right words. The message I was trying to get across was that my distress over my appearance, passability and emotionally feeling like a woman was higher than my distress over my genitalia so it didn't affect me as much as it can to other trans-women.  By coming to terms with the reasons to not have the surgery I was able to accept the way I am.

Quote from: Sandy74 on October 18, 2014, 04:51:32 PM
For years I thought I was just a CD but then realized that I am more transgender than anything else. I have thought lots about getting surgery but I know that the price of it I could never afford and that its just a pipe dream and I am okay with that. I am so far from being totally comfortable being transgender because I just recently started to label myself that. When I am a guy and in public and if I go to places like gay bars other guys find me very attractive but inside I know that I couldn't be with them for a long term because inside my soul I am a female and I just recently wrote a letter to my real mom who I haven't seen in like 20 years telling her that I am transgender.

I feel like I just want to tell the world that I am this way but I know that majority of people that I work with and what not would not understand and I would be a freak to them even though the only time I hang out with those people is at work. I know that I will always want to be a female until the end of time when they put me six feet under but I have come to the realization that I will never be changed between my legs and to be honest how much different would it be if I was changed down there. I would still be gay and interested in men except I would have a vagina rather than a penis, would that turn most guys on or off and would I be able to be with someone as a female all the time?

I mean I enjoy being a male sometimes but enjoy the aspect of wanting to be a female as well. When it comes to both I think its like 75% of me wants to be female while the other 25% enjoys being a guy and perhaps overtime the number of wanting to be a guy will become slower but I look at it that I am 40 years old and that say by the time I get surgery I am like 50 and that gives me how many years to be female exclusively. I would have preferred to have gotten the surgery when I was younger.

I guess in the end I am okay with it and have accepted it. Perhaps in the next years I will say heck with it and take hormones and grow breasts but then my life as a guy would be over because then I would have to dress in public and be known as a female because a guy with breasts and wearing a bra all the time would be kind of strange in all honesty.

I can totally relate to this as I present male 24/7 but with every passing day I feel more compelled to be female. For some time now I've been really wanting to start HRT so I can have the female body I want and need. In fact it's gotten to the point that I want to tell my therapist and urologist about my desire for female hormones.  I'm not unhappy being male but I'm not fully happy either. I'd love to be able to be female or male based on my feelings that day but that is a pipe dream. No one at work will understand or accept me. I'm 47 and not getting any younger so my clock is ticking. I don't think I'm 50/50 split on being male and female. It leans more towards female currently.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It was a pain for me realizing I was trans at first, as I don't / didn't have much genital dysphoria, and all you ever hear about actually transgender people in popular culture is discussion about what we do with our dangly bits; there's just soo much more to being trans than SRS.

It also makes this a bit annoying to talk to being at first, as they always want to know what your doing about that, as that's all they know about it. My sister's first question was "so when are you cutting off your penis."  :icon_weirdface:

Wow, the more I read the more there is to ponder. I just find this all so encouraging and helpful! Thanks for sharing your experiences!

For me, I simply do not like the plumbing down below because it does not reflect who I am.  The occasional erections are very upsetting.  For me, dating is not an option now - at my age and with my health, the plumbing problem just makes it impossible.  I would love to have SRS, first for me regardless of any future partner, but secondly, for a better chance at one day having a partner. 

In the end, I am a woman no matter what the plumbing is downstairs.  There are plenty of other women with various differences in that area from intersex to girls like the one I saw on The Doctors whose vagina was only about an inch deep and who did not date (fortunately, she had corrective surgery and loves it).

I really have no "attachments" to that area, so getting rid of it wouldn't bother me. To have the most genuine lesbian relationship with someone I would definitely see that as a very conflicting and annoying situation. I'm in no hurry for an SRS procedure, though; mainly because the only person I care to be in a relationship with is myself. If, in a year, the opportunity (and the money) came along to get it done, I'd probably do it.

As I stated before, though: the full-on procedure may not be necessary for me. I see no reason to have to dilate on a regular basis as penetration is not on my agenda. I'm much more concerned with the feeling of nothing being there as it would relieve some dysphoria and allow me to wear certain articles of clothing like bathing suits (and jeans, without causing uncomfortable restriction). I sit down to pee, too, as standing is too much of a male thing for me to do anymore. It would be nice to have some proper flow going on when it's loo time.

So, at the moment, it does affects me, but not quite enough for me to lose my mind over it. That will probably kick in a year or so later. :P

What works for one doesn't mean it will work for others,  first of all who said SRS brings "period",? Some people which are transgenders have genital disphoria and others simply no. It is very but very difficult the life of those who have genital disphoria live with  genitals  they were born, and it can't be controlled for those without this disphoria they have no problems to live how they are  and it also doesn't mean they are less transgender for it being transgender is in our brain and soul not in SRS.

I am officially non-op having just cancelled my upcoming surgery. How does it affect me?
It doesn't :laugh:

I've grown to accept what I have down there. When starting transition, I was just totally "not sure" about SRS in either direction. As time went on and I was nearing completion with social transition, I wanted it very very badly. I had the money saved and I was ready to go. But then, life happened and drew me away from it due to scheduling issues and finding the right date. As time wore on after that, I began to realize that I really wasn't even that unhappy with what I have now... in fact quite the opposite after summing the risks/rewards as well as the lifelong maintenance schedule with dilation.

I've had some really nice experiences of late with people that I deeply care about, and imagining myself undergoing such a change just doesn't seem necessary to me right now (especially since I am feeling good with life at the moment). I think I am going to stay here for a while :)

So, I guess I would have to say it doesn't really affect me much being recently decided non-op. Maybe it will someday, and I will want it badly again. Who knows. In the meantime, I am just going with the flow and enjoying life for whatever it is.

Cindy- that makes two of us. We were even scheduled within 2 days of each other. What the heck!

Quote from: Jennygirl on January 17, 2015, 11:53:33 PM
I've grown to accept what I have down there. When starting transition, I was just totally "not sure" about SRS in either direction. As time went on and I was nearing completion with social transition, I wanted it very very badly. I had the money saved and I was ready to go. But then, life happened and drew me away from it due to scheduling issues and finding the right date. As time wore on after that, I began to realize that I really wasn't even that unhappy with what I have now... in fact quite the opposite after summing the risks/rewards as well as the lifelong maintenance schedule with dilation.

I've had some really nice experiences of late with people that I deeply care about, and imagining myself undergoing such a change just doesn't seem necessary to me right now (especially since I am feeling good with life at the moment). I think I am going to stay here for a while :)

So, I guess I would have to say it doesn't really affect me much being recently decided non-op. Maybe it will someday, and I will want it badly again. Who knows. In the meantime, I am just going with the flow and enjoying life for whatever it is.

Cindy- that makes two of us. We were even scheduled within 2 days of each other. What the heck!

Great girls think alike :laugh:

I think people need to have a think through what this journey is, there are no rules and there are no demands that you have to follow what is right for some girls, you are a unique and beautiful woman in your own right. Enjoy your life as you wish!

I really do not know if it effects me much but I still want to have the surgery some day down the line. I am in no hurry though. HRT cured my dysphoria. It is just something I wish to finalize at some point.

It causes me a degree of dysphoria but I do my best to not let it bother me, basically I just plain can't afford it at this time

If and when I am ready to take that final step I will know it and everything will come together as it should

Until then I will continue to just be myself and progress at my own pace as best as possible

It's pretty awesome that it affects me largely in the "not at all" sense. I'm actually MtF and had a phalloplasty (regretted "the op" but not my social transition or other surgeries/hormones). As I said it doesn't really affect me at all - I was worried the first few times I stepped outside in Belgrade after my surgery that people would notice my bulge immediately and hate me :( But nope, they didn't. And now that I'm back home no one does anything different. People who knew before don't say a thing and I'm always pleased that new people I meet call me she/her.

At home, my wife of course knows,  but she is post-op MtF trans and we've been together since we were barely old enough to drink (in our 30s now). I'm a lot happier and I'm sure a lot better to be around for her. Not all depressed and/or angry.

Honestly being non-op (for SRS, I've had chest surgery) hasn't really affected me negatively at all; even being a gay trans man who gets told a lot to "not feel bad when rejected because gay dudes are all about the penis", I've discovered that oftentimes people care less once they know you as a person than they think they would when confronted with your situation (not sure if that makes sense, but what I'm saying is I've dated several full-on gay guys in my time and a lot of them were surprisingly comfortable with me not having or wanting to have surgery down there. As for friends, I dunno what it would be like for girls (although my trans woman friends seem to have little issue communing with girls, both cis and trans?), but pretty much every cis guy that knows about my situation treats me no different than they would any other dude. And I'm finishing up high school still so if teenage straight guys can do it, anyone can! Haha. Seriously, don't worry too much, at the end of the day genitals are a pretty small part of the equation for people

Really glad about this thread as some women I really admire such as Cindy and Jenny have wrestled with this very personal choice and now shared it with us.  Wow girls, thank you!  I started transition thinking I would never have surgery due to risks, costs and my age.  As transition helped my body change I actually started feeling more dysphoric about my genitals that seemed a glaring non fit.  I started the work up for an orchiectomy and got stopped by that discriminatory insurance rider nonsense.  This has given me time to pause and be even more thoughtful about it.  Having a positive relationship with my wife factors in too as we share the impacts of such a decision.  We are getting better at negotiating and talking about our needs.

I don't need a vagina for satisfying intimacy, it feels more about the body/gender self image and congruence factors.  So much of this is between the ears more than our legs?  I lived most of my adult life feeling my penis was inside of me during intercourse.  I can now wear what i want and be my true self.  I find it is a matter of self image and confidence and this is just one more adjustment to make as life takes that winding path.  Plenty to think about.

People who are younger and expect to be dating have very different considerations.

Not much tbh. Sure, its hard to go swimming AND having to tuck(dea gosh) but... I like to just think of the parts down there as enlarged. And homologous. There's always tucking, which puts the... Gonads where the ovaries would be in a cisgirl

I will never consider GRS because it's just waay too primitive right now. Maybe in the future, where we can grow ovaries and have our own uteruses :)

But for now the parts down there are okay. So long as I have curves I'm happy

I don't think I am 'non-op'. If I have to refer to myself in that language I guess it would be pre? .  I've been on estrogen since age 13/14. I am mid-50's now and very healthy (knock on wood).  How has my girlie parts affected me in life? Not at all when I stop to think about it.  If anything, it somehow opened doors.  If it means anything, I've never had issues dating but only chose to disclose to very select few (none ever had negative comments. just a little baffled at first but that's about it).  I am now married and Ohhhhhh so happy. I've often discussed it with him and he and I would be in love with each other no matter what exists twixt my thighs. There are little life's inconveniences, but nothing that cannot be overcome.

On the legal aspect, I hate it. I have to put down my legal name and that I'm female. Filling out applications or any legal is difficult. I hate having to saying I'm a female.

On the social aspect, I pass even without testosterone, so it's not too much of a problem. Although I sound like a girl over the phone. One time, a lady constantly called me ma'am which annoyed me. I told her I didn't like being called ma'am, but she didn't stop. But for the most part, people see me as male.

I am getting top surgery to get a male looking chest.  As far as gentials go, I am getting my ovaries removed because pregnancy terrifies me.  Just watched the Alien movies too often to not think of that kind of stuff, ha ha!  If I want a kid someday I will adopt, but don't need any kid now except my spoiled inner child ;D

You don't have to get bottom surgery to be a man/woman/or anything really.  Who all really needs to see that stuff anyways? For some, even just dressing and acting the part is enough, so don't feel too down on yourself for not being able to instantly change.  Hormones can make a world of difference. My cis-female boss at a tattoo place was about 6'5" and had some thyroid issues, but she was strong, tough and played roller derby. She sewed her own clothes when she couldn't find stuff that fit.  Plenty of cis women have larger frames and masculine features, and many guys have dainty frames and feminine features- there is so much variety to humans that your own personal looks shouldn't hold you back if you wanted to transition.  It's a rough road no matter which way you go, but we all have to follow out own path.  Life can be tough for everyone in different ways!  Look at how many typically attractive, successful, famous people suffer from depression- looks and money aren't everything.  You can be true to yourself in your own way and that is what is most important to me.
That doesn't mean support doesn't help!  A therapist, counselor or queer union groups can help you understand there are others out there and possibly more options for you than you might have imagined on your own.

JUST BE YOURSELF! Sweetie who told you you will be never loved as non-op. Listen I'm a straight post-op and during I was pre-op I had both ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s and straight men falling in love seriously with me. And the other girls who judge you, ignore them. Don't do things that you might regret. SRS is not for everyone. Do what your heart tells you is the best and not what you think society accepts the best.

being non op doesn't really affect my everyday life at all as no one sees it..it just mean that when having sex my boyfriend puts it a couple inches further back...lol sorry if that's tmi...but I don't see that it affects your life that much except you need to make sure whoever your dating knows and is ok with it..

Quote from: Oriah on August 25, 2013, 12:52:50 AM
I'm not all that effected by being non-op.  When I first started transition, I was certain that no matter what, before I died I'd get the surgery....but over time I got less gung-ho, to the point that now, I never plan on it.  I'm not a big fan of surgery, period.  It's all too invasive for me....

I've come to understand for me at least, that a vagina isn't really preferable to a penis.....not to say a penis is preferable to a vagina....they both are equally unattractive as far as I'm concerned....sex organs are my least favorite characteristic of the human body, and even SRS is purely cosmetic.  A vagina constructed from penile tissue is still penile tissue.  I've learned to operate the equipment I have pretty darn well (or so I'm told), and if I had it removed, I'd still end up using with a strap-on in the sack.  It seems like a lot less trouble to simply save the money, pain, and risk and forego the surgery.  Perhaps this would be different if I was single, but as it is now, the only people who get to see me that far undressed are me and my partner, and it's just not causing us enough trouble to be an issue.

The rest of the world perceives me as a woman, I perceive me as a woman, and my partner sees me as a woman.

I guess HRT was enough to quell any dysphoria I had.  For that I am happy.

I feel very much the same way as you. I want to be a woman but I am not interested in the surgery because it will still not give me the exact, fully-functioning parts that genetic women have. I also have a phobia of surgery. Getting an orchiectomy is probably as far as i will ever consider going and I'm not sure I would even want that. I feel like suzifrommd said, I want to appear and be treated as a woman but I am worried about changing the sexual side of myself. Perhaps I'm in denial. I am not sure though. If I could wake up the next day with perfect female genitalia, I would be happy but that is never going to happen. The surgery may go wrong or I could develop problems and in addition to that It would be a harrowing experience having to stay in hospital and be operated on in the most invasive way possible, NOt to mention the pain. At the end of the day, even if I went through it, there may still be a chance I will regret it and it is almost impossible to reverse. Apparently 17% of trans people that have the operation end up killing themselves due to regret. As a once suicidal person I do not want to be in that group.

For myself I've found that HRT and an orchi are enough for me to feel happy as the woman I know myself to be.  If you had asked me twenty years ago when I was still feeling badly dysphoric I would have said that nothing but full SRS would do, but being T free and on the right amount of HRT via patches + spiro I feel completely at ease with myself.  I'm not sexually active having taken a vow of chastity so nobody sees it but me anyway and I've learned not to look at it so I don't have any problems with 'wart' still being there.

I will say that I knew back then I didn't want to go overseas for SRS.  Being alone in a foreign country post surgery without any supports or a friendly familiar face around me sounded like a type of hell that would be worse than having dysphoria.  The type of SRS surgery available here in New Zealand back then was very basic and primitive and the trans community's assessment of it was that it looked like you had your 'bum on backwards' (excuse the blunt description) and I can certainly confirm that fact.

I needed to have an orchi done in my fourth year due to severe inflammation and pain and once the things were gone I discovered that I was at ease and happy with how I felt mentally and emotionally.  I will say though that I had a bad experience waking up in the recovery room with a terrible sense of dislocation as if I'd been dead for a while.  That alone was quite enough to put me off having any more surgery!

I really think there should be more acceptance of non-operative transgender people. Apparently there are quite high figures of transwomen that never have SRS. xxx

I turned 40 last year after having lived as a woman nearly all my adult life.

I'd never had a doubt about wanting my SRS.

I never had the financial resources, I grew up and lived my adult life in a country which has a somewhat hostile environment for us.  Insurances and government provide limited cover for surgery and insurance here is not routinely provided by employers.  That is if lasting work could be obtained, as here they are very conservative in their attitudes to hiring trans as new staff, especially as I started out young and did not amass any money, experience or recommendations in my career and skills.

As I'm approaching my elder years a real panic has set in.  I am suicidal at times, others and this is hard without money- I think of leaving this backward country and living in England where at least I won't have to go broke or sell a kidney to pay for surgery and where we have patient rights rather than the system now where the doctors don't give a toss about us and it's just a business with the arbiter for access being those with the money get its those without can gtfo, that's the way the surgery industry sees us.

I am in between pre-op and non-op at the moment.  My concern is dating though.  It really would take a special guy to date me, lol, Let's see....I am legally blind with less than a one degree visual field in one eye and no vision at all in the other eye, I am a mtf transsexual woman and I am a cancer survivor that is in remission.  Yeah! It would take a special guy to date me.  One who can overlook these minor challenges and love me for who I am inside.

Angelgrl

I like my birth genitals.  Just wish I could hide 'em better when I feel like wearing a skirt. ;)

Quote from: Sandy74 on October 18, 2014, 04:51:32 PM
For years I thought I was just a CD but then realized that I am more transgender than anything else. I have thought lots about getting surgery but I know that the price of it I could never afford and that its just a pipe dream and I am okay with that. I am so far from being totally comfortable being transgender because I just recently started to label myself that. When I am a guy and in public and if I go to places like gay bars other guys find me very attractive but inside I know that I couldn't be with them for a long term because inside my soul I am a female and I just recently wrote a letter to my real mom who I haven't seen in like 20 years telling her that I am transgender.

I feel like I just want to tell the world that I am this way but I know that majority of people that I work with and what not would not understand and I would be a freak to them even though the only time I hang out with those people is at work. I know that I will always want to be a female until the end of time when they put me six feet under but I have come to the realization that I will never be changed between my legs and to be honest how much different would it be if I was changed down there. I would still be gay and interested in men except I would have a vagina rather than a penis, would that turn most guys on or off and would I be able to be with someone as a female all the time?

I mean I enjoy being a male sometimes but enjoy the aspect of wanting to be a female as well. When it comes to both I think its like 75% of me wants to be female while the other 25% enjoys being a guy and perhaps overtime the number of wanting to be a guy will become slower but I look at it that I am 40 years old and that say by the time I get surgery I am like 50 and that gives me how many years to be female exclusively. I would have preferred to have gotten the surgery when I was younger.

I guess in the end I am okay with it and have accepted it. Perhaps in the next years I will say heck with it and take hormones and grow breasts but then my life as a guy would be over because then I would have to dress in public and be known as a female because a guy with breasts and wearing a bra all the time would be kind of strange in all honesty.

You could be a tomboy kind of girl, just like I'm going to be a soft gentleman kind of guy.

Its like a rollercoaster of emotions when I think about being non-op. One week I really would love to be a woman and then the next I am totally cool with being a guy, perhaps I am gender fluid because I am this way. I see real woman and get so jealous of the clothes that they wear and how I would love to wear the same thing but I would just end up looking like a guy in drag or in a Halloween costume. I get so jealous of women's clothing. I mean I cannot watch a TV show without seeing a lady and imagining how I would look in that same outfit. That is the only time that I get frustrated that I am a non-op. Wishing so badly that I was someone else.

After I had my orchi done I found that I was completely content with myself and that SRS was no longer an issue for me.

I'm happy with being non-op :) I don't feel that having a vagina makes me a woman. I'm perfectly happy with my birth genitals as is my partner who is a cis girl :)

I've lived my life as a non op ,I identify as a lesbian and having surgery would mean wearing a strap on. I've had a feminine body all my life without the aid of hrt. Besides having that type of surgery scares the hell out of me,for I dislike being operated on. I'm happy being me.

I am very happy my genitals. I find myself quite sexy actually. I wouldn't like to see it change into anyhting different. just like Cheryl Reeves said.

I am androginous since birth and I too identify as lesbian and enjoy my intimate moments with my wife, who is a cis-woman. But It goes both ways. For example, If I fell in love with a trans girl, I wouldn't care about her genitals either. It wouldn't be a deal breaker to me. Sex is 10% in a relationship to me. 90% is cuddles, being in the same frequency, snuggles in bed and being able to laugh and cry and support each other like invincible allies.

So short answer: It affects me positively. Perhaps sometimes tucking takes a little bit of practise, and I have a beautiful one piece swimming costume that I'd love to wear at the beach but I will manage when the day comes! other than that, no problem at all.

I'll say this, there are some things that effect me bring non op, tucking of anykind stinks, and sometimes jeans don't fit right, I get dysphoric when I look at underwear ads. Having said thag, a few weeks ago I was drinking with a bunch of special forces dudes and ol when they found out I had a dick the only reaction I got was, o ok, and we just continued on, I don't think it takes a special guy, I think it takes a special set of circumstances, ie liberal minded confident people, I've dated special forces on aND off for years as a bi male and a trans woman, sure there has been some dick heads, but my experience has been, most guys don't care about your dick, they care what their friends think about them being with someone who has a dick.  So if their friends don't care, then it's all good.

For me it's simply my current state.  Maybe it will be the state I die with.  Hopefully not.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Being non-op unfortunately affects me negatively a great deal in a number of ways.  Since I essentially consider myself 'post-transition' and find as much 'stealth' as possible ideal, my non-normative genitalia, with the one exception of facial hair (which I'm getting electro for), is the sole aspect remaining that overtly marks me as 'trans', and reminds me of my transsexual history.

Practically speaking, it poses several problems when it comes to official/legal matters.  In my state (where I was born, and still reside), the policy on birth certificate markers is that they can be changed, but only with verification of genital surgery (IIRC, there's some ambiguity with respect to whether orchis alone might qualify).  This is awkward as it results in me having a weird, Frankensteinian birth certificate with my full, unambiguously female legal name yet 'M' under sex. :P  So anything that absolutely requires a birth cert (having encountered anything like that, yet, thankfully) would result in me being outed.  Luckily, for driver's licenses here you only need a doctor's statement indicating you've received medical treatment, as is the case for the Social Security Administration, so my ID marker is correct, but I just have to hope that the policy changes for birth cert gender markers and wait in limbo.  This doesn't impact my daily life, but it's irksome, as a loose end I can't tie up, and there's the principle (I'm adamant that I was born neurologically female).

A much more pressing and frightening conundrum, though, is how it affects and limits my access to mental health services, as someone who is severely mentally ill.  The policies of inpatient care facilities vary widely, but most operate on the same barbaric criterion as the prison system does and simply assign patients to gender-segregated sections/wards based on genitalia alone.  That's my worst nightmare, and the issue is how this insidiously intersects with the way the law works around involuntary commitment.  If a mental health professional believes that you're a serious danger to yourself or others (which, while it sounds reasonable, is still somewhat subjective), you can be placed on a mandatory 72-hour hold, but the main problem is that you have no legal right to control where you're sent for that time.  You can't veto a facility because they'd place/room you with the opposite sex, even though that poses an obvious and acute danger to your personal safety.

I've been in inpatient thrice thus far, but fortunately, the nice little place I've stayed in at least assigns me to the female wing, though they insist on placing me in the only single room there.  Sounds nice to not have a roommate, but it actually bothers me because it's still needless discrimination, and it's kind of stigmatizing and makes you stand out since it's the only such room, generally otherwise reserved for patients who are potentially violent and overly volatile, which I'm not.  Also, if I ever had to shower there, I think that'd be an ordeal (they'd make me do it alone and escorted by an employee, which isn't good).  What's terrifying, though, and always lurking in the back of my mind, is that there's no absolute guarantee that I'd always be sent there.  Admissions (voluntary and otherwise) are through the attached crisis center where they do evaluations, and all it takes is for one petty or bigoted care worker who doesn't like me for whatever reason on a power trip and my fate would be up in the air.  I've avoided going there even when I feel like I should because of this apprehension.

Back in December of last year, I was going through an extremely suicidal crisis, was absolutely at risk and should've been held in inpatient, but I didn't visit the center because it was very busy, understaffed and full (I think due to the spike in stress around the holiday season), so it seemed too risky.  I ultimately ended up attempting suicide that month, self-harming a lot and going on a massive, hazardous drug binge, which probably could've been avoided had I felt safe checking myself in, so that's one very real, concrete example of my genital status affecting my daily life.

In the same vein, there's the jail/prison system, a matter of life or death.  Being arrested and jailed with men is one of my worst fears in the entire world, and something I'm at increased risk for, especially given my personality disorder.  All it takes is once for even the most minor offense and, to put it bluntly, I'm completely screwed.  So I have to be ultra-cautious, I can't take legal risks other people might be inclined to take because arrest is game over, do not pass Go, and would be the end of me as I just couldn't bear that under any circumstances.  It definitely raises the stakes.

I wish more people were aware of and discussed the fact that being non-op, or having non-standard genitalia in general, can often mean literally having your human rights violated.  Especially as it pertains to the mental health system.  I brought my concerns to the attention of the network that I was treated through, and hopefully got through to them, but I don't know if that will actually precipitate a policy shift, and there's nothing that can be done about the legal loophole.

Obviously, many other women who do intend to have vaginoplasty encounter these difficulties, but the difference is that they at least have a hope of escaping them after surgery, whereas, being resolutely non-op, I just have to pray that society at large gets its head on straight and that the people running these systems eventually set sane policies.

Otherwise, on a different note, it does greatly affect my sexuality by adding an extra layer of marginalization to an already hyper-marginalized identity.  It's hard enough to be lesbian in this society, especially when feminine and exclusively attracted to other feminine women (as I am), and to be transsexual in the present climate, and being non-op on top of all that just takes it up a notch even further.  There's a tremendous amount of awful, soul-crushing prejudice and utter revulsion towards women with these non-normative genitalia in the lesbian community, to the point where it's the default attitude, and there is a prevailing judgement across all demographics that trans women are legitimately female only insofar as they have or are pursuing genital surgery.  My 'dating pool' would be microscopic.  I've internalized heaps of shame around my sexual inclinations because I'm non-op, but that's an extremely complex topic in and of itself that I intend to post about separately later, so for now I'll leave it at that.

I like finally being able to be myself but I hate being non-op. I have severe genital dysphoria and I'm too chickened to move forward with SRS. I'm only comfortable enough to move forward with BA, FFS an a simple orchiectomy.
My sex life will also suffer under it since I'm only into straight cis men.

I am transitioning via meds and hormones. I have grown natural breasts and have zero sex drive.
I am asexual so sex has not been an issue with me for a long time. I am married to a wonderful woman that is doing her best thru this. My testicals are shrinking and I see my urologist at the end of April to discuss an orchi.
As far as the penis is concerned I have other issues there. It is retracted all the time and hides inside me. I look like  I have a clit when it's pulled back. This is more than enough to satisfy me in regards to my appearance. I have major issues with bladder infections now due to the retraction and having no prostate or valves in my bladder. Moving my urethra via srs would make me even more prone to further infections. I can live with this concession as my health matter more that way.
An orchi should allow me to continue without  too many meds and I can't stand the thought of having anymore testosterone flares. My T has caused 21 years of uncontrolled priapism which had me on the verge of doing a removal myself( really bad idea).
Almost got locked away over that incident. I finally found a safe herbal solution last year after all the doctors failed to help. Now the dutastricide has it under control.
In the long run I can be a beautiful and happy female even with a hidden appendage that no one but my wife and I know about and it doesn't bother my mindset in the least.

Quote from: Transfused on March 01, 2018, 06:45:01 AM
I like finally being able to be myself but I hate being non-op.

The OP of this thread was a very knowledgeable, astute gal (my name-look-alike) and it is very saddening to not know what/how she is doing now.

Transfused I sympathize with your plight - the "state-of-art" concerning SRS is not where it should be but if desirous of any kind of normal dating it would be, unfortunately, highly recommended!

Quote from: Keira on June 04, 2013, 08:15:07 PMI'm also afraid of being treated as male by girls that I want to be close friends with...

Not being into girls either (like you) would make such a decision even more imperative!

Quote from: Transfused on March 01, 2018, 06:45:01 AM
I like finally being able to be myself but I hate being non-op. I have severe genital dysphoria and I'm too chickened to move forward with SRS. I'm only comfortable enough to move forward with BA, FFS an a simple orchiectomy.
My sex life will also suffer under it since I'm only into straight cis men.

No offense, but this doesn't really make sense to me, because FFS is much more intensive/invasive and potentially hazardous.

It's been such a long hard journey that anything in the right direction is affirming. Would I like a full transition? Of course. I'd also like to be twenty years old again.

Quote from: Oriah on August 25, 2013, 12:52:50 AM
I've learned to operate the equipment I have pretty darn well (or so I'm told), and if I had it removed, I'd still end up using with a strap-on in the sack. 

Love it, lol

Quote
It seems like a lot less trouble to simply save the money, pain, and risk and forego the surgery.

That's my view.

The only thing it affects me with is meeting a heterosexual man for a serious relationship. I'm attracted to non-op transsexual females and I'm attracted to men, however, from my experience, most heterosexual men that I have known are open to dating a non-op transsexual female, yet when it comes to a serious relationship, it's entirely different for them and they are overly concerned with how others may think if they find out they are in a relationship with a non-op transsexual. I like my genitals so for me personally I'm attractive and look as female as any other female so I'm not concerned if people look at my genitals area and know that I have male genitals there. The only concern is that of men who are attracted to me yet concerned about what others think.

It kills me. I can't wait until the strings and fears and problems that keep me from it are gone and I can try to move forward. I know for some people it can be a social-only thing but I truly hate my body and I want to change it.

I generally prefer not to tell people that I don't want bottom surgery. But it definitely gives me a lot of stress when I'm talking about my transition with others and the other person asks if I am also intending on getting "the surgery". I want other surgeries like FFS and breast implants but bottom surgery is not on my list because I have very little genital dysphoria. I sometimes feel weird about not wanting gender reassignment surgery. And sometimes I'm thinking about the possibility that there will be one day a hormone shortage and that I will virilize again. But those are doom scenarios that aren't likely to happen. Sometimes I'm scared about my future as a non-op trans woman. I wonder what man will want to date me, what I should tell my children later, what my family thinks about me for not wanting genital surgery and so on. My mom would prefer me to undergo bottom surgery but I personally firmly don't want it.
There are also days that I'm super happy that I don't have much genital dysphoria. It saves quite a few tens of thousands of Dollars. All in all, being non-op isn't that bad for me. I'm happy with my life for the most part.
HRT has given me a lot of satisfaction in life. I responded well to it.

Luv
Debby