I swear if I get "Hey Birth-name" one more time I'm going to lose it...
My dad fails to see that I wouldn't be transitioning just to be called by my Birthname all the time...I can deal with male pronouns but "Birthname" + "It, he-she, or whatever" and I'm going to either A) lose it or B) Slip back into my dysphoric depression for another few weeks.
I feel like I'm the dirty thing in his life that he wants to hide from everyone, and I am sooo ****** sick of it.
And that's not the half of all the **** Im going through right now...
Life...go fly a kite.
Can you get him to sit down and listen to you for a few minutes? Tell him your transition is not some fun whim and that it is vitally important to have family support. And that begins by honoring your name, your identity.
If he asks for supporting info, find it for him. including the SOC and even DSM V. Google will help you.
Robyn
Skye,
Have you talked to him about how hurtful it is to you? Maybe he really doesn't realize it at times. Transitioning can require others to adjust and things will slip at times. However, if he is doing it intentionally, I would have a sit down talk as Robyn suggested above.
I don't feel like talking to him about it since he has already told me, "Im dealing with too much already, and you want to throw this name change thing on top of that too?".
I'm almost considering moving halfway across the country just so I won't have to be misgendered and birthnamed 24/7.
I feel like I'm being invalidated and told "It's hurting me more than it's hurting you"...and that's just bu******.
Quote from: Skye-Blue on June 10, 2013, 07:36:36 PM
I don't feel like talking to him about it since he has already told me, "Im dealing with too much already, and you want to throw this name change thing on top of that too?".
I'm almost considering moving halfway across the country just so I won't have to be misgendered and birthnamed 24/7.
I feel like I'm being invalidated and told "It's hurting me more than it's hurting you"...and that's just bu******.
I understand it's tough, but if you want him to change talking to him is the best first step. He needs to understand how important this is to you and how hurtful misgendering you can be. Otherwise, he may continue with the status quo.
Quote from: learningtolive on June 10, 2013, 07:56:47 PM
I understand it's tough, but if you want him to change talking to him is the best first step. He needs to understand how important this is to you and how hurtful misgendering you can be. Otherwise, he may continue with the status quo.
Thanks, I'll try.
I don't have much self esteem/self image left anymore...so it's difficult for me to talk about stuff like this when it usually ends up with me being insulted or being treated like my feelings don't exist.
It might take me a day, or a week, or a month...but I'll eventually say something. Until then, I'm pretty much going to avoid public places.
But you know what Skye? Since you first started posting here, I have seen your confidence grow. And your self-esteem. You are learning who you really are, and you are coping with what the rest of the world does not yet see.
There are going to be hurdles, and aggravations, and set-backs, but I have a good feeling you will be able to handle it.
Quote from: Skye-Blue on June 10, 2013, 11:00:01 PM
Thanks, I'll try.
I don't have much self esteem/self image left anymore...so it's difficult for me to talk about stuff like this when it usually ends up with me being insulted or being treated like my feelings don't exist.
It might take me a day, or a week, or a month...but I'll eventually say something. Until then, I'm pretty much going to avoid public places.
Is your mom and dad still married? If so, how does your mom reacting? If she is supportive maybe you can talk to her and she can relay you message to your dad.
Quote from: Skye-Blue on June 10, 2013, 07:36:36 PM
I don't feel like talking to him about it since he has already told me, "Im dealing with too much already, and you want to throw this name change thing on top of that too?".
This is ridiculous. It takes exactly ZERO effort to call someone by the name they prefer. (Though it does require a slight amount of respect).
If you decide to call him on it, here's a quick way of telling him: "Sorry Dad, I don't buy it. You're perfectly capable of calling me by my correct name."
I find the most effective way to get people to respect me is to stand up to disrespect. Though I can see how this would wear on you. Our self-esteem is so tied up in what our parents think of us. If it helps, remind yourself you're an intelligent, capable woman and if your father doesn't appreciate that, he's missing out.
I'm pulling for you.
Quote from: misschievous on June 11, 2013, 03:58:31 AM
Is your mom and dad still married? If so, how does your mom reacting? If she is supportive maybe you can talk to her and she can relay you message to your dad.
They are still married, and she's worse about me transitioning than he is.
Thanks Suzi, thanks everyone!
I'll be sure to leave an update at some point when something changes.
I'm not out to anyone, so all I ever hear is my birth name, which doesn't have any kind of gender neutral nickname. It hurts every time.