Like the title says. Thoughts?
Personally, it works for me.
As a person who tried the slow death may I suggest living is a hell of a lot better.
Drink, drugs, suicide are avoiding the happiness you can have and what you deserve to have.
Drink solves nothing.
Help does.
Many TG live in the bottle, once I got out I found ways of dealing with it all.
It is a lot more fun living than dying
Having just watched someone suffer through and die from end-stage liver disease, please don't.
You mean drinking with a view to facilitate Your sooner death or as some sort of oblivion from the dysphoria? If former, may I kindly suggest using heavy drugs instead, because albeit expensive, they will work sooner. On a more serious note, drinking does not help You to forget anything - in fact, when being in deep state of depression/sadness alcohol will only sharpen Your senses. As for oblivion, I would rather suggest to try some forms of escapism, which would play with other hormones in Your body - adrenaline and dopamine namely. Dopamine being the hormone of happiness really works and it is produced after hard work-outs, and afterwards You are so tired that You sort of have no more energy left to be dysphoric, As regards adrenaline, it works similarly, plus those activities will greatly contribute to Your inner drive towards self-destruction. You know they say, if at first You dont succeed then skydiving is not for You.. All those activities like free-running, parachute jumping, paragliding, cliff-hanging etc... You might look into them, just try not to get Yourself crippled...
Sorry, if it sounded a bit bitter, but yeah, they work - at least in short-time. Been there, done that - now I am on HRT.
I see drinking as a form of self-medication. And, when I was younger, I drank when I was the most confused about myself.
Drinking to excess is basically suicide, just a slower way of doing so. Been there, done that. Quit for over 10 years before I found that I could have a glass of wine and not feel that I needed another.
Totally, it is suicide, albeit a slow crippling one, where looks and health are inexorably and irreversibly destroyed. I never understood alcohol. Even in my darkest moments I never touched it. My dad drank at least a bottle of wine a day, supplemented with whatever spirits. I look to him as a kindly reminder of its benefits.
I got drunk to blot out the gender dysphoria and was a heavy drinker.As I got older my tolerance to alcohol rapidly diminished,I can enjoy a glass of wine or cider and appreciate the taste now,one's plenty for me these days.
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Isabelle, that's a false choice. There's a third choice, to nurse yourself to health. It's much harder and more complicated than the other two but the rewards are considerable.
I rarely ever drink alcohol, and if I do it'll generally be maybe one glass of wine. IDK, it just doesn't feel all that great when you do drink a lot - temporary erectile dysfunction is a plus, but given that your depression and sense of dread is massively heightened during inebriation, it's really not worth it for me.
In fact, that's pretty much the one thing I console myself with - even if my life in general is a bit of an epic fail right now, I can say 'At least I'm not dependent on alcohol, cigarettes or other drugs' and feel slightly more confident.
Also, from a pragmatic point of view - talk about expensive! I'd rather have some cola.
Drinking in moderation can add to certain aspects of life (wine tends to make me hornier, for example). Suicide in moderation...well that doesn't work so well.
So there is no real comparison, imho.
Heavy drinking will slowly kill, so that is a form of suicide...and even if it doesn't kill, as several here have mentioned, it takes away the genuine happiness of life. If you're blitzed, often you won't have memories...which (imho) is a living form of death.
Hope this helps.
*hugs*
Personally, my drugs of choice were cigarettes and energy drinks. But I used them to get through bad depression spells I knew I couldn't otherwise get through. All the while hoping I would just drop dead from a heart attack induced by nicotine and caffeine.
The only reason I started doing this was because 1) I knew I could stop 2) I didn't care what happened and 3) It was better than suicide.
So an incredibly slow and extremely painful death sounds appealing to you? To me it just sounds selfish to destroy your body and to give up. I'm not sure why exactly you feel that killing yourself is the answer, but dead is dead you can't undo it. You only get one life and it is up to you to make the best of it. If you are otherwise healthy to me is sounds silly to destroy yourself. I truly am sorry you feel this way, but maybe you should consider that what if you get half way through the process and decide you want to live or fail in the process. Then you have destroyed your body and mind and you could be dependent on someones care for the rest of your life. I really hope that you consider to get healthy and take care of yourself. Our lives are not the most desirable and some of the situations and experiences we go through suck really bad, but as my mother always tells me what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. I wish you all the best and hope that you find the peace and comfort in something in your life to make you consider not killing yourself.
We really don't want to lose another sister. We all know how it feels and things do get better. An exercise I have done that has helped is I have made lists of things in my life that make me feel good. Things like accomplishments, things people have said to me important people in my life and things I have overcome that I'm very proud of. So in times of despair I look back on my lists and see that things are all not that bad. Usually this brings me out of it and I'm able to move past the dark feelings. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Like I said you only get one life... Don't just throw it away!
~ Rea
I think that when a person does anything over excessive amounts to dull mental anguish is not a good thing and will only lead you down darker paths. If you drink it should be used a social lubricant and to have fun but not so much drinking that you are wanting to fight everyone else in your proximity. When you self medicate all you are doing is numbing your mind to the problems that you feel you have and when the numbness wears off, those same "problems" will still be there. The longer you go without adressing those problems the worst they will get and the more frequently you will have to numb them. It then becomes a viscious cycle and pretty much you become reliant on the drug of your choice whether it is alcohol, prescription drugs or illegal drugs.
If you are feeling suicidal, call a hot line, see a therapist, psychiatrist or just confide in a friend or anonomously on the internet. This may make you feel better and allow you to see other options that you have available.
No, I don't think that self medication is an alternative to suicide. As a matter of fact if it goes on long enough it is suicide.
A friend referred to drinking as "suicide on the installment plan".
I'm guilty of it as well. I'm hoping that my new therapist can help me with the feelings that caused me to start many years ago. And i also hope that I haven't rotted my liver out.
Both are stupid.
In my opinion, drinking in excess is suicide. That drinking money could be used for other things. Plus your body will pay a physical price for it. The only person who wins in the end is the doctor making money all the health illnesses.
Didn't you just get out of a long-term relationship if I'm not mistaken? Maybe I am. I know this won't make you feel better but I have been there and I used to drink a lot (a whole lot) and one day I was going to kill myself and the day came and I planned to do it and stood there all hungover and obviously I didn't do it. I didn't stop drinking though. In fact I probably drank more. The point is drinking really isn't suicide and I thought it was. If it keeps you alive I think that is much better then death. Ans it accomplished that for me. Of course it can kill you and the heartbreak does go away. If I can get over heartbreak, anyone can. It just takes time. This might not be a popular opinion but it is a realistic one. One day I just stopped. I don't know why.
Basically it is not possible for me to get drunk enough to feel better, temporary solution, any drug will only hurt worse. You can alleviate the Pain even with something like hard street drugs they are even more expensive and even harder on your system but again they are temporary and don't fix the pain. Plus there are always the after effects :'(
Better to deal with what is going on, therapy works better.
Drinking to numb oneself continuously isn't an alternative to suicide; it is suicide. Nothing wrong with moderation, but this sounds dangerous. I'll let the wisdom of Ozzy (well, really Bob Daisely) do the talking.
"Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle, drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows
Away tomorrows
Evil thoughts and evil doings
Cold, alone; you hang in ruins
Thought that you'd escape the reaper
You can't escape the master keeper
'Cause you feel life's unreal
And you're living a lie
Such a shame, who's to blame
And you're wondering why
Then you ask from your cask
Is there life after birth
What you sow can mean hell on this earth
Hell on this earth
Now you live inside that bottle
The reaper's travelling at full throttle
It's catching you but you don't see
The reaper's you and the reaper is me
Breaking laws, knocking doors
But there's no one at home
Made your bed, rest your head
But you lie there and moan
Where to hide, suicide is the only way out
Don't you know what it's really about
Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle, drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows"
Quote from: girl you look fierce on June 11, 2013, 10:09:11 AM
It goes both ways for me while drinking. The most suicidal I felt in a long time was just recently when drinking.
Though I also sometimes will just feel happier... so idk.
Well I'm glad you didn't follow through with that feeling girl you look fierce.
I think alcohol is one of the more dangerous drugs even though I partake of the spirits myself and spent my fair share of time in bar rooms.
Quote from: Isabelle on June 11, 2013, 04:51:33 AM
Like the title says. Thoughts?
Personally, it works for me.
If it's one or the other then probably best to turn to the drink and get help for both. At least you will be alive to get help.
Here's a short, relevant story:
About a month ago I was pretty suicidal. I hate my job and where I'm at in life. I work 60 hours a week and since I'm in the military I cannot quit for another 3+ years. The only thing that changed was that I had long since put all of my eggs in one basket (professional life) because of my trans feelings and I had nothing to fall back on when my professional life derailed. I started looking for other areas of my life where I could find enjoyment and couldn't come up with anything. I was a mess and couldn't function at work. I was depressed and saving up to buy a gun to shoot myself with. I finally asked myself what is so wrong?! The problem was that I felt that life wasn't fair because my gender was set in stone and that it couldn't be changed. I had wanted to be a woman. I decided I was tired of hiding my feelings of having disliked being a male for nearly my whole life and that I needed to do some research. Sure enough, most transgender people live normal lives and they pass for who they want to be seen as with ease after some surgery and hormones.
The bottom line is that you have to find the root of your problem(s) and at the very least be honest with yourself about them. Don't worry about the long, road ahead. Do what you can today so that you can be where you want to be tomorrow. I hope I've helped you :)
what ever it takes. I took up smoking .
Quote from: girl you look fierce on June 11, 2013, 01:56:52 PM
Yes luckily my bf was with me to talk me through it :) I would never drink alone.
Definitely can be really dangerous even if it doesn't make you do stupid things. It's better just to drink with a meal for a slight feeling of relaxation :)
Alcohol has different effects on different people and even different effects on the same person depending on their mood. Usually I drink just enough to get that relaxed feeling and lower the inhibitions a little bit and then just enough to keep it going. I avoid those two day hangovers like that.
i used alcohol and drugs while i was at high school it started when i was walking home one day feeling really bad after a usual day at school for me which was being beaten and verbally abused and teachers finding this funny, when i just fount my self buying my next pack of cigarettes from the off license i always used but i had more money than usual so i picked up six pack as well. then it went to having a bottle of whisky in my school locker then the next step was bunking off lessons to have a joint or two.
i finally stopped smoking weed about January time i still drink now but i control how much i drink now more than 6 drinks a week.
drugs are better than suicide but seriously any who has these problems please get some help its not a good way to live and im now wishing id of done something earlier
Dare I suggest visiting a doctor and getting SSRIs instead of drinking? Tends to be more effective in curing those deep, dark feelings for the long term.
Also don't forget that anything HRT related usually takes ill to stuff that bludgeons the liver, so it's something to watch out for from that perspective too.
Ok, four years and eight months after I gave up on committing suicide by booze (a little diabetes and some other things helping the booze along, not to mention prescription drugs) because it was taking too long, the score stands about 1x1023 against either booze or suicide.
I was brought into a program that treated my addiction first, then looked for why I used my drug of choice, and found out it was my GD. Coming out TS to a bunch of recovering addicts is not your usual way of getting a therapist to send me over for HRT, but in the weeks after I came out, others in the group found their courage to face things even I considered worse than GD, and to truly begin their recovery. Thus my second letter from a psychiatrist to clinch my SRS.
Now there are three groups of people who accept me for exactly who I am and value me as a person. My AA, NA, and CODA support systems. (I am a co dependent too) For AA, I have a Trans group I am part of on line too. IRL, I have a wonderful group of GLBT alcoholics, where reality of the joy that being out and being sober makes you higher than booze ever could. Even if you do not drink heavily, still, all you have to do is want to stop using it as a way to avoid our real life. Sobriety solves the problems and gives your options you can only feebly imagine.
I pretty much drank heavily since I could afford to do it, like 16 onwards, and I finally gave up on binge drinking this year.
Like Jamie said at the top of the post, it is self-medicating, and I've seen a lot of people do it too.
Neither is a good option.
It is hard to see the forest from the tree's but when you do stop and not just for a short while, you do get a bit of perspective. It took me over a decade to figure that part out and to stop.
GL
I drank pretty heavily in younger days, particularly when I was playing gigs in bars the free drinks were plentiful 8) Jack Daniels and I had quite the on going relationship
Well I gave up on Jack years ago and switched to beer but that eventually got a bit out of hand as well :-\ I knew I had to do something so I cut back quite a bit and now just sip a few beers in moderation
Now I'm starting to trim down and lose the 'beer gut' that I had developed and starting to feel better about my figure and about myself in general
Drinking yourself to death or any other form of suicide is not the answer
Hugs
V M
I wasn't talking about drinking myself to death. I use alcohol a lot because it makes me able
To exist in my own skin. I transitioned about 2 years ago and to be honest, the lack of bottom surgery upsets me more and more. If I don't drink then I tend to so stupider things. Are there any good drugs for dealing with type of thing? I already take fluox, I'm not allowed clonezapam anymore after I accidentally ate them all at once... Suggestions for something I can't abuse but, will help me cope with unfortunate state of my genitals?
Quote from: JulieR on June 11, 2013, 10:02:39 AM
Been there, done that. On again, off again for many years now, I slip into periods of heavy drinking. I was close to half gallon of vodka per day until 1.5 weeks ago. My drinking got heavy while quitting nicotine. 1.5 weeks ago, my gender therapist said she would recommend me for HRT. I quit drinking right then, I want to live, I want to transition!!!!!
That sounds like a great plan to me!
Quote from: Isabelle on June 11, 2013, 07:44:19 PM
I wasn't talking about drinking myself to death. I use alcohol a lot because it makes me able
To exist in my own skin. I transitioned about 2 years ago and to be honest, the lack of bottom surgery upsets me more and more. If I don't drink then I tend to so stupider things. Are there any good drugs for dealing with type of thing? I already take fluox, I'm not allowed clonezapam anymore after I accidentally ate them all at once... Suggestions for something I can't abuse but, will help me cope with unfortunate state of my genitals?
Xanax, perhaps? Xanax is barbiturate so it is quite hard to overdose it, unless You make a point to do that and even then You have to mix it with "strong" alcohol. And do not ask me why I know this...
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I'm taking note, just in case I want to pop my clogs DIY style, not. Do we really need to discuss details of how to actually suicide? Sigh.
Quote from: Nicolette on June 12, 2013, 04:06:38 AM
I'm taking note, just in case I want to pop my clogs DIY style, not. Do we really need to discuss details of how to actually suicide? Sigh.
Well, this info can be easily found on internet anyway (dont ask me how I know :P).
Besides, my GP told me that Xanax does not cause addiction if Your daily dosage is less than 1 mg. I was randomly taking 0,5 mg when I felt like I need to and I did not get addicted to it.
And yeah, I checked it out - it is benzo not barbiturate.
Quote from: V M on June 11, 2013, 07:29:55 PM
I drank pretty heavily in younger days, particularly when I was playing gigs in bars the free drinks were plentiful 8) Jack Daniels and I had quite the on going relationship
Well I gave up on Jack years ago and switched to beer but that eventually got a bit out of hand as well :-\ I knew I had to do something so I cut back quite a bit and now just sip a few beers in moderation
Now I'm starting to trim down and lose the 'beer gut' that I had developed and starting to feel better about my figure and about myself in general
Drinking yourself to death or any other form of suicide is not the answer
Hugs
V M
I have never been able to play and drink V M. I have to wait until after a gig is finished or I sound like a beginner and I've been playing for 32 years. Oh, I can drink two before but anymore than that I get uncordinated like slipping on the bends, speed drops, wrong positions and so on. But I have known people that could be stumbling down drunk and never miss a beat instrumentally.
Be carful with any benzo drug when it comes to your profession. If you are part the FAA and fly a plane you can't use them. Whatever bueracracy controls the rail corporations it is also a big NO NO. If you drive a vehicle that requires a CDL, it's better not to take them. According to the FMCSA, benzos are on a list as a habit forming subsatnce that you can drive as long as you aren't under the sedative effects but you have to have a letter from the prescribing doctor to the doctor that does the DOT physical. Even with a letter, it is up to the examining doctor as to whether you pass the physical or not. In case of an accident occuring, even if its not your fault, there can be negative repurcussions.
Quote from: Isabelle on June 11, 2013, 07:44:19 PM
I wasn't talking about drinking myself to death. I use alcohol a lot because it makes me able
To exist in my own skin. I transitioned about 2 years ago and to be honest, the lack of bottom surgery upsets me more and more. If I don't drink then I tend to so stupider things. Are there any good drugs for dealing with type of thing? I already take fluox, I'm not allowed clonezapam anymore after I accidentally ate them all at once... Suggestions for something I can't abuse but, will help me cope with unfortunate state of my genitals?
I understand. However, drinking to control ones emotional stability will only lead to problems in the future. I'm not a judgemental person and believe everyone is free to do what they want, but I have seen "emotional drinking" take people to terrible places. Using it as social lubricant or to let loose is okay. Using it to exist in your own skin is really risky.
For anxiety, the only non addictive medication is Buspar. It doesn't work similar to benzos like xanax or klonopin, but it does work for some. Of course, there are your typical SSRIs and SNRIs that work on both anxiety and depression. If you are feeling down and out, please seek out your doctor. Self medicating can be very risky.
Pre-HRT and while I was off HRT, I had an issue with drinking.
I hated myself and just couldn't tolerate having to deal with the body I had.
After going back on HRT, I have no interest in drinking and have stopped completely unless it's medical.
I've read somewhere that alcohol prevents HRT meds from being processed by the liver, since the body and the liver would normally need to prioritize getting rid of the toxins in alcohol first before moving on to anything else. Don't know if it's true but I don't want to find out the hard way.