My wife asked me, with genuine curiosity, what it feels like to be trans? What does it feel like being in a body that doesn't match your mental identity? I was and am at a bit of a loss for words. I said that it felt like being in a burning building that I couldn't get out. Also, that when I finally came out that my world went from black and white to seeing bright colors kind of like the wizard of Oz.
Lastly, I said that I feel things like my skin compared to hers, and can sense its roughness and it feels wrong...as well as silly things that cause me dissonance like my manly smell, broad shoulders, and hair. These are not things I feel like I am supposed to have in my mind.
How would you describe how you feel to a cis person to help them understand?
It's like wearing a disguise that you can't take off. You may look perfectly convincing, but inside you know you're not what you appear to be. No matter what you say or do, people will see you as the disguise - and the person you are within can never show themselves.
Maybe a bit too direct? I dunno. It works as a thought experiment.
This is how I explained it to my wife:
She's overweight and is very uncomfortable about it. It really bothers her because she used to be such an active person but after our child, a knee injury and a spinal injury, she ended up putting on a lot of weight, and really isn't able to do much exercise because it's genuinely painful for her. So this is what I said:
"You know how you look in the mirror and you see somebody else? How you can see yourself there, kinda, but it's not really you and how uncomfortable that makes you feel? Well, imagine that, but you don't even get to see yourself, and imagine that feeling every time you hear yourself speak, or move, or anything else, really. It's like that."
Quote from: ZoeM on June 14, 2013, 09:14:20 AM
It's like wearing a disguise that you can't take off. You may look perfectly convincing, but inside you know you're not what you appear to be. No matter what you say or do, people will see you as the disguise - and the person you are within can never show themselves.
Maybe a bit too direct? I dunno. It works as a thought experiment.
Ooh, this is a really good one!
Quote from: Antonia J on June 14, 2013, 08:36:48 AMHow would you describe how you feel to a cis person to help them understand?
How does one explain to another that which most unquestionably,
rather stupidly I might add, take for GRANTED and we barely understand ourselves ?
For me it comes down to what constitutes "INSANITY" -
how can I be right and the rest of the world soooo wrong?? We have exchanged some very fixed "bi-gender" assumptions for a view of a world that transcends (no pun intended) any real differences at all?
As one who has always melted over the attentions of "other guys" it is definitely much easier to explain to cis women "
I feel exactly the same way you do when it comes to men?? ""
Real question is
do I indeed? LOL How unhelpful "cis" is, doesn't seem to solve my problem at all!
I am a sheep in wolf's disguise . . . .
To guys, I always just say, imagine you were doing what I'm doing. Filling your body with female hormones, growing breasts, and generally feminizing all over. How would that feel, to have that body with your brain being the same? That's what it's like for me without transition. With women I say what if you were doing what an FtM is doing.
This usually works well, actually, and people seem to understand when I put it that way. You just have to put them in our shows and let them see what it's like to live with our brains and bodies totally out of sync with one another.
I compare it to Kafka's "The Metamorphasis". Your fine until one day you realize that you feel that you look like a cockroach. You want to tear the skin right off and start over.
I often ask those question it to picture themselves as a common unpleasant animal like a shark or a spider and ask how they would feel going about their daily routines when the rest of the world sees the animal as normal when they know they are supposed to be the person they are.
I was asked that question by the 5 ( non-trans* health care persons) I disclosed to:
1) Operations Manage,
2) Wife,
3) Coach,
4) HR Specialist,
5) Boss.
#1, 2, 3 and 4 I said it is like being a fish in water. Cis people do not see or feel the water, you are floating through the water. Trans* are in acid. It hurts to breath, move, hear your voice and see and feel your body. You see and hear one thing and you feel another. Then I give specific details.
#5, I said trans is trans, I will give you three books to read which explain it well. The worst thing is hating yourself and hiding in plain sight. He is an Administrative sponsor in a diversity program. When he reads My Gender Workbook I am sure it will be a life change event for him ( although he is Cis so it may not make sense).
I haven't been able to nail down an explanation that feels right yet.
Sometimes people ask me what it's like to be a cat.
Then I ask them, "Well, what's it like to be a human?"
I usually say positively on being trans. I can experience and understand the worlds of both men and women. I try to keep healthy to be somehow attractive as both men and women. I can be extremely manly, while sometimes very feminine. There are still some stigmas in being trans, and overcoming it is a kind of achievement in my life.
barbie~~
When I was explaining it to my sister, I told her to imagine waking up as yourself but your body transformed into Vin Disel's and it wouldn't go back. I think that got through really well.
Disclosure: I look nothing like Vin Disel and am very grateful for that! :)
I feel like it's like being permanently cold. Like there's occasionally something which warms you up, but it's always at the back of your mind that you're going to return to being frozen cold. The feeling of dysphoria isn't exactly painful, but is extremely uncomfortable.
I acknowledge where they are coming from, which is usually like "wtf?!?!?!" and I generally say something like this:
"So, I know this is going to sound crazy and I don't really having a way of making you understand how this feels unless you've been there yourself. Basically, for as long as I can remember, I felt like I was a girl. I don't really know what that means, only how it feels. The person you know now, like you said you didn't know I was trans, that's good, because I don't feel trans. I'm living my life very happily and authentically. You want me to be happy, right? Like I'm not hurting anyone, just living how I am, being authentic, because this is my reality. You have any questions?"
Then we talk, they are usually like "Oh, well, I don't really see you as trans, you are just a regular girl to me" or something and I'm all like "good, that's what I am to me too! So let's order!" :)
I wish cis people would explain to me what it is like to be cis. I still don't know, except from my fantasy worlds. Who knows, maybe those experiences are pretty close to the truth. Except when I hurt myself or had sex, or something, I didn't think much, if at all, about my body in those worlds. I just took it for granted. Everything was just...right. So right that it didn't even register.
Something that I have sometimes said is that whenever I see myself in a mirror, a picture, a video, reflected in glass walking down the street, I have this moment of "who is that person?" before I realize, with a painful flinch, that it's me. It's about my image of who I am not matching what's on the outside at all. It's looking like a stranger every day of my life.
For me, I often describe it as being like a prison that you can't get out of, because there's such a huge gap between yourself/your soul/your mind that makes you you, and the physical being that is your body.
It's the waves of nausea that hit me when I realise that I won't be free that make it feel worse. :/
I don't even know if any of that makes sense to anybody who isn't me, but yeah, that's how I do it!
Quote from: AlexanderC on June 15, 2013, 10:24:25 AM
I feel like it's like being permanently cold. Like there's occasionally something which warms you up, but it's always at the back of your mind that you're going to return to being frozen cold. The feeling of dysphoria isn't exactly painful, but is extremely uncomfortable.
I like this one a lot, too, and can relate to it.
Sometimes I think of it as noise that never goes away. In moments of bad dysphoria it feels like an orchestra playing with instruments out of synch and out of tune.
Never really fitting into the moulds that people seem to want to shape around you, and not necessarily wanting to either, as they just don't feel right. The outer world will notice it too at some point, I still recall one incident during a self-defence class: "Girls over to the left corner, boys to the right; [name], you too", basically defying classification.
Feeling as if you are outside of society, looking in; even more so when it comes to your own body. At some point I was so dissociated from my body that if someone had offered me the chance to have my brain removed, intact of course, and put into a goldfish bowl with sensors for seeing, hearing, talking, I would have jumped at it; my body and all it entailed was meaningless to me.
This truly was my ideal:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flashforum.de%2Fimages%2Farticles%2Fsimon_wright.jpg&hash=b21352bc41494cd6a828f4ed0e5948201423f832)
...and suddenly transition starts to sound like a much more sensible idea to people. ::)
It felt like my flesh was rotting, It didn't hurt much physically because your nerves were dead but you can't take joy in anything any sensation feels wrong, distant and numb with a dull ache inside like hunger, Seeing and hearing yourself made you feel sick, like seeing a corpse.
If that wasn't bad enough you couldn't tell anyone, You were utterly alone, And you knew every day it would get alittle worse. You'd fight however you could resisting it trying to compromise in your mind but it was hopeless.
Self harm was temporary relief, privately I lusted for the permanent relief of death.
Hell in the truest sense of the word.
Quote from: pebbles on June 18, 2013, 05:48:13 PM
If that wasn't bad enough you couldn't tell anyone, You were utterly alone, And you knew every day it would get a little worse. You'd fight however you could resisting it trying to compromise in your mind but it was hopeless.
I think the loneliness of being trans - especially before coming out - is something that doesn't get enough discussion. You feel like you are living in a bubble while the world goes on around you.
Btw, Pebbles - I like your avatar. You are really pretty :)
Quote from: Antonia J on June 18, 2013, 06:20:24 PM
I think the loneliness of being trans - especially before coming out - is something that doesn't get enough discussion. You feel like you are living in a bubble while the world goes on around you.
Btw, Pebbles - I like your avatar. You are really pretty :)
Your so right on this. I know it had to be hard to pretend to be like a man or a woman if your not.
Quote from: Antonia J on June 18, 2013, 06:20:24 PM
I think the loneliness of being trans - especially before coming out - is something that doesn't get enough discussion. You feel like you are living in a bubble while the world goes on around you.
Btw, Pebbles - I like your avatar. You are really pretty :)
On that note I grew up in two organisations which put an emphasis on honesty. So I feel like I'm lying when ever I talk to people who I'm not out to and the best way that I can describe the feeling I get when that happens is that I feel like I'm being ripped apart from the inside.
Realized when I found this post, that have not had to try and explain these topics to anyone for some time. The only place where I might share some of what it felt like to be in-congruent is with my soul mate in very specific scenarios, where she was aware of what we were going through at the time, I can relate the GD aspect to her and she gets it (mostly). But gladly these topics do not come up with cis - people I know or run into. They don't ask and I don't have to tell, it's best that way :)
When I did try and explain what it felt like (like when coming out to close family), I would focus mostly on the deprivation experienced, and how out of place I really was before transition, and how aligning my body to fit my mind was the correct course of action medically and socially.
C -
Thanks for finding this one... it was good and was before I was a member here, but now that I am in active-tell-the-world-mode and coming out, I have had to explain that in a few different ways, depending on the person I am trying to talk to... I copied and pasted this from my Friends and Family letter and my Co-Worker letter
1. I've just lived my entire life as if I am in the wrong body and forced to take on a gender role that was never me, just to fit into society. This is not the same as someone being unhappy with their body image, size, shape, weight etc... this is a complete disconnect between my brain and body.
2. It is very much like the movie Avatar. I feel as if I have had to pilot a body that does not match who I am for as long as I have been alive all the while trying to act the part.
3. Also tried to correlate with "Phantom Pain" the experience where you know what something is supposed to feel like, even though it is not physically there.
4. The kids if Avatar does not work, then I use Robot....
5. With other women, I can say imagine waking up inside a man's body. That does not seem to work so well for the few guys I have told and suggested waking up in a Woman's body <<Eyes Rolling>>
Quote from: KristySimsx on May 09, 2019, 12:51:07 PM*snip*
5. With other women, I can say imagine waking up inside a man's body. That does not seem to work so well for the few guys I have told and suggested waking up in a Woman's body <<Eyes Rolling>>
I can describe it like this:
Imagine waking up one day and you are the opposite gender. Everyone sees you as this gender, and treats you like you are that gender. They call you by a name that feels like it belongs to someone else, call you by the gender you look like instead of the gender you
know you are, and your family acts like you've always been that gender. The misgendering and deadnaming from friends, family and strangers hurt.
You know its wrong. All of it. Inside, you are the proper gender. One that most people can't see.
And you feel like you are forever acting a part in a play. One that you can't quit, can't leave, can't stop acting in.
Now, take all those feelings and multiply them by a million.
That's only a tiny bit of how it feels to many of us.
Ryuichi
My wife asked me this, and I tried to put it in a way she would understand. She was working at the time as a delivery driver, so I told her it felt like driving through an unfamiliar area and constantly being stopped by lights and traffic, it's raining and you just want to get home. Living as your true identity is like being home.
She said she understood.
Allie
I feel a bit confused by the strenght of the feelings you are expressing. It makes me wonder about myself. Am I really all that trans? I know I often wanted to and posed as a boy and played boy or man in roleplay. I have had stretches of time when I dressed masculinish and stretches when I dressed femininish. I've never enjoyed friendships with females. I never had female pasttimes. My upbringing was pretty gender neutral. O'm a seventies kid. I used to hang out with punks and squatters and hippies.
I prefer to be male. But I don't look very obviously bulgy busty mushy female. And I'm gay. So I like guys mostly.
It does feel like coming home though. Like a weight has lifted I never realised was there. Like being able to breathe freely.
I heard a transwoman once say that the best method she found was to have the person use their off hand for an entire day. It's awkward. It's clumsy. It feels unnatural. In an odd way you can force yourself to do most things with the off hand but it just does not feel right. Being transgender is like always being forced to use our off hand. We get by, mostly, but it never feels right.
It's a challenge. How does one explain colors of a rainbow to a blind person? The hand thing is probably the best thing in my tool box right now.
Quote from: Vethrvolnir on May 15, 2019, 06:49:12 AM
I feel a bit confused by the strenght of the feelings you are expressing. It makes me wonder about myself. Am I really all that trans? I know I often wanted to and posed as a boy and played boy or man in roleplay. I have had stretches of time when I dressed masculinish and stretches when I dressed femininish. I've never enjoyed friendships with females. I never had female pasttimes. My upbringing was pretty gender neutral. O'm a seventies kid. I used to hang out with punks and squatters and hippies.
I prefer to be male. But I don't look very obviously bulgy busty mushy female. And I'm gay. So I like guys mostly.
It does feel like coming home though. Like a weight has lifted I never realised was there. Like being able to breathe freely.
I suppose what I was saying is that as a male, I am really uncomfortable. I can function ok, but stress builds. When I feel female, the stress goes. I feel like I am where I belong. This has changed throughout my life, but the feeling got stronger as I got older. The stress is dysphoria, and trans is home. Everybody feels this differently, and it changes with time, age, and situation, so what I feel is for me now. You will have your own feelings.
Allie
One thing I'd heard and used is that people try to imagine wanting to be the opposite gender but that doesn't work. They need to think of it as being the gender that they are with the opposite body. Not a total explanation but it helps them think differently.
When talking about it with my grandson (11 at the time) I asked him how he'd feel if he had a girls body. He said he'd hate it. I'm sure he doesn't totally get it at that age, but it helped him.
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I'm not sure how important it is to explain to everyone else (Seems pretty personal) but maybe for people considering calling a therapist or talking to an endo it would be a good thing to explain for yourself?
Having the physical parts feel wrong and want them gone. I imagine explaining that to a male with those parts would (I hope) give them an indication how strong the issue is. Because I think there are so many people who think its just some sort of clothing or sex fetish. Or that being gay is a different thing. I know a couple of people who calculated that not feeling attracted to women sexually must = gay male and one that actually tried living as a gay male. This helped inform them that it wasn't being attracted to a male. The problem was being male was the problem. *And I know this gets confusing for m2f who just don't see men attractive to them sexually. HRT changes that for some I guess. Others spent their whole life being pretty grossed out with their own male parts so maybe they can't achieve a traditional attraction to men.
One thing in particular for a m2f to explain to a cis male is actually working on getting your nads removed because I think that has to show how serious your intent is. You could talk about interests or lack of interest in things like football. Which might not be as useful but feeling more comfortable with a group of women then men. Being the one different from the boy group in grade school.
If your on HRT explaining how things change and how that seems much more normal to you. Men seem to deal well with on off anger strongly felt being their normal. Dealing with all sorts of emotions or just being in a state where its possible getting weepy. How many men would feel "normal" or desire being in that state? Sexually being in a male state of nearly 24 / 7 being horny versus that being put into a little more complex needs to be in the mood? The difference from being stinky and not even noticing it (Or caring) and smelling all sorts of foul stuff from another room and loosing the "stink" and feeling right that way.
Being "assigned" the wrong gender never sounded right to me. Maybe its the word assigned? Finding out there was a way to be the other gender (hormones / therapy / surgery) and wishing for that all your life might be a more understandable explanation. A cis person might be curious but it wouldn't be an everyday battle.
Am I even close to explaining this?
like wearing an ill fitting suit.
Sure, it looks rather nice, it's a decent suit, perhaps it's even an attractive suit, but it pinches in the arms and constricts in the chest. it's uncomfortable to wear and the longer you wear it, the more you can't wait to take it off.
transition is like making alterations to that suit, taking it out here, taking it in there, fixing it to fit you more comfortably.
See Cis people, they don't even feel the suit they're wearing. It doesn't pinch, it doesn't pull, it's not too tight in places or too loose in others. It fits them fine and so they never think about it.
for someone who's trans though, there are days where all you can think about is how much discomfort you're in. The suit consumes your thoughts.
Being trans and pretransition is like wearing a suit that doesn't quite fit.
the level of discomfort of course differs from person to person and indeed for some of us when we look in a mirror we can say "well it IS a nice suit..." but it isn't comfortable and ultimately, what use is a nice suit that hurts to wear?
It's very difficult to describe, not to mention there are degrees. Some people manage to lead mostly regular lives and others, like me did not.
But talking about it a lot recently with certain political group members on facebook who routinely base their understanding of the trans phenomenon on Ben Shapiro's (rather obsessive) take on us is a daily challenge. They still equate it with having schizophrenia or other such nonsense.
My own personal take, which I rarely share, on the experience is this: if I likened the experience of life to walking or running a distance, being trans is like having two numb or partially numb legs. You can't feel certain things when you move them, but you know you should be feeling things, and you know that to walk or run optimally you require to feel them. Try walking on a dead leg after sitting on it - it's impossible, it doesn't know what to do without stimuli and the means to feel that stimuli. To get the feeling back it requires full circulation, and in my experience to get the full feeling back into mind and body required the HRT. Otherwise I was stumbling along with two dead legs knowing my experience of this race was very different and very lacking from most people's, plus I was unable to ever win it with such a handicap. Just like with dead legs you can't feel the floor to orient yourself properly. I was effectively walking a race without an ounce of feeling in my legs, running on nothing but the will to keep going and somehow imagining I might be running the same race as everyone else at some point, but clearly wasn't.
And that's just the intrinsic experience of being mentally "cut off" from both being able to have the "full female experience" or the "full male experience". Living with being trans is living with dissociation in so many aspects of life, from yourself, from experiences, from cultural norms you feel like you can't properly participate in. It is the feeling of having your feeling of self and common life experience throttled at the neck. You know something is stepping on that jugular, or restraining you from some natural state if you know nothing else, like I did, for a very long time. People can argue till the cows come home on just what our "natural state" is, but the inarguable truth is, we feel its lack. We know when we are being stymied.
I can't say much about how it feels to look at one's body and feel it is wrong because I still am apparently mostly dissociated from it and from looking at it with any real scrutiny or affection. I suppose I would liken it to "piloting" a body rather than living in it and feeling at one with it.
when they ask I tell them free, empowered and sure of who I am. :) they are still confused but know that im serous about being myself.
I tell them it is like being trapped. Like someone put a (in my case) boy body over my real one and it gave me the voice and parts for a boy and no matter how much i said I was a girl no one believed me. everyone laughed. No one listened they all saw a boy not a girl but that is who I really was. I tell them that no matter what I did no one would listen. They just dismissed me as having a mental health issue.
Quote from: Kylo on May 15, 2019, 06:26:21 PM
It's very difficult to describe, not to mention there are degrees. Some people manage to lead mostly regular lives and others, like me did not.
But talking about it a lot recently with certain political group members on facebook who routinely base their understanding of the trans phenomenon on Ben Shapiro's (rather obsessive) take on us is a daily challenge. They still equate it with having schizophrenia or other such nonsense.
My own personal take, which I rarely share, on the experience is this: if I likened the experience of life to walking or running a distance, being trans is like having two numb or partially numb legs. You can't feel certain things when you move them, but you know you should be feeling things, and you know that to walk or run optimally you require to feel them. Try walking on a dead leg after sitting on it - it's impossible, it doesn't know what to do without stimuli and the means to feel that stimuli. To get the feeling back it requires full circulation, and in my experience to get the full feeling back into mind and body required the HRT. Otherwise I was stumbling along with two dead legs knowing my experience of this race was very different and very lacking from most people's, plus I was unable to ever win it with such a handicap. Just like with dead legs you can't feel the floor to orient yourself properly. I was effectively walking a race without an ounce of feeling in my legs, running on nothing but the will to keep going and somehow imagining I might be running the same race as everyone else at some point, but clearly wasn't.
And that's just the intrinsic experience of being mentally "cut off" from both being able to have the "full female experience" or the "full male experience". Living with being trans is living with dissociation in so many aspects of life, from yourself, from experiences, from cultural norms you feel like you can't properly participate in. It is the feeling of having your feeling of self and common life experience throttled at the neck. You know something is stepping on that jugular, or restraining you from some natural state if you know nothing else, like I did, for a very long time. People can argue till the cows come home on just what our "natural state" is, but the inarguable truth is, we feel its lack. We know when we are being stymied.
I can't say much about how it feels to look at one's body and feel it is wrong because I still am apparently mostly dissociated from it and from looking at it with any real scrutiny or affection. I suppose I would liken it to "piloting" a body rather than living in it and feeling at one with it.
This is such a great description. This is exactly it
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"Piloting" certainly rings true for me, I felt like a puppet master playing with a marionette, people didn't see me, just the puppet, that played the role they expected or wanted me to play.
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The best way I haven been able to describe it to my SO is that it feels like driving someone elses car or being in a home that isn't yours. It feels like being a stranger to myself.
Piloting certainly feels spot on.
On the flip side of that now I smile and get all excited knowing it's not forever.
This was my attempt...
My understanding of the Trans Experience:
Please note: Other people's experiences of their gender identity may be different, I am speaking only for myself.
Being transgender is not a choice a transgender person makes, but it is an inherent part of one's identity from birth. This narrative explores the challenges, emotions, and resilience of the trans experience, shedding light on the often-misunderstood journey of self-discovery and acceptance.
For me, my trans experience began early in life. I first recognized my true identity around the age of 3-5, and finally learned what it was called and that something could be done about it when I was around 7 years old. This feeling has never left me, not even once.
As a transgender person, navigating through life presents a unique set of challenges. One of the primary obstacles faced by the trans community is social exclusion. Growing up, we often experience bullying and exclusion from both the peer groups associated with our sex assigned at birth and our self-identified gender, leading to difficulties with socialization.
Puberty is particularly harrowing for trans individuals, as our physical bodies begin to diverge significantly from our true identities. This stage of life can feel like being trapped inside a foreign body, accompanied by a growing sense of alienation from one's own reflection and voice.
Misconceptions and stereotypes about transgender people contribute to further marginalization, affecting areas such as healthcare, employment, and legal rights. Despite these challenges, the trans community demonstrates remarkable resilience. Many trans people learn to wear a mask of their assigned gender in order to navigate societal expectations. They often engage in activities that align with their assigned gender roles or seek solace in religion, hoping to find answers and a sense of belonging.
However, true healing and acceptance can only come from embracing one's true identity. This journey may sometimes, but not always, involve hormone therapy, surgery, or other steps to align the physical body with the soul. Ultimately, this transformative process allows transgender individuals to finally live authentically and embrace their unique experiences.
The trans experience is not one of mental illness or aberration, but a journey of self-discovery and courage. As a transgender person, I am not "changing" or "fixing" myself; instead, I embrace my true self, living an authentic life despite societal pressures and expectations to conform to my assigned sex at birth. By fostering understanding and empathy, we can celebrate the resilience and strength of the trans community, recognizing our right to acceptance, dignity, and equal opportunities in life.
Susan, as one would expect, again writes well. I will add that for my part, there was an overwhelming sense of calmness after I accepted myself as a transgender person. I was struggling much with living out my birth gender, trying to fit in. Gender therapy helped.
Chrissy
I am unsure if a a CIS person would be able to completely be able to comprehend what it is like to be a transsexual or any type of transgender person. However many would try to understand if they are interested and you wish to share out.
Chrissy
I recently had a conversation with a guy and I explained it like this:
He was saying that he is the "alpha male" type, but not arrogantly and aggressively. He knows he is definitely alpha and can walk into any room, look around at everyone, and know that he is the alpha.
I told him that it was wonderful that he knew himself so well. Now imagine knowing this with every fiber of your being. Then you look in the mirror and you do not feel that reflection is you. It is like someone else is staring back at you. How would that make you feel?
He said that would be scary and very uncomfortable. I said THAT is what Gender Dysphoria feels like. But it is not just a face in the mirror, it is also a body that we can't really relate to. It doesn't feel right. Some people can shrug it off. Others are deeply disturbed by it.
He agreed that he would find it deeply upsetting. So I asked him, "Would it be upsetting enough that you would try to change it?"
He said, "Yes, of course."
"Even to the point of having surgery?"
He said he was beginning to understand now. He pointed out that even cis-men disapprove of their appearance and do things like taking steroids, weightlifting, or getting hair transplants.
I said, now imagine that the government has decided for you to do that was illegal. What if you were stuck with staying exactly the way you looked when you were born? What if the government decided that if you were born a redhead, you must stay a redhead your entire life, even if people harassed you for it? What if the government decided that when you got married, your wife could not change her name, and that she had to keep the name she was born with under any circumstances?
These are the kinds of issues that we deal with in the LGBTQ+ community because some politicians have decided they know better about how we should live our lives.
Is the term GG for "genuine girl" I think, still alive? By genuine, that means CIS female.
I feel like a girl, a woman, and that is genuine to me.
I go to the mirror and see a woman. I do not see the guy anymore. Unless I am having a very bad day with a strong case of dysphoria or maybe look like I need a lot of sleep!
But I am a female. It is hard to be transitioning at many times though... so many issues there have been.
Chrissy
In my experience, you cannot do this. Or.. rather you can try to explain it to people but 90% of the time they will not get it. Knowing something is one thing. Understanding it is quite another.
People who are not trans have no frame of reference. It's been my experience that any attempt to try is futile. What you have to do, instead, is try to explain to people that you know how you feel. You know what's going on inside yourself, and you know what you need to do to make changes in your life to be happy. You have to be okay with the fact that people won't get it. Won't understand. You just have to work at relationships in your life to the point that they get that you do understand. And respect that you know what's best for you. People don't need to get what it feels like to be you. They just need to get that you know what it feels like to be you. Just as you need to get what it feels like for them to be them. It's mutual respect.
Hi Everyone
How do you explain to Cis what it feels like to be trans? I don't, why?
Since I do not tell anyone about my past life or my associated medical history in how I changed my life around all they know is I'm a female. The only exceptions are on occasion with some family members and I only share this information with certain medical professionals like General Practitioners or specialists, when it is absolutely needed.
In the few conversations with close family members, no one has asked that question or about my gender identity and the closest one has come to it, has been, "how long have I known that I was female" or something similar and I have shared with them that I felt this way since I was about five years old and I have always longed to be female.
The above does not negate what would happen in the future if such a situation arises. I would say, I was born this way regardless of how it happened. I have always been female in my mind, regardless of what my body was or is and that, I have always been me. It's just like you know who you are in your own mind.
Should the words 'transgender' or 'transition' or other similar 'trans' words come up, I would say, I do not subscribe to those words as I always see myself as a female, regardless of what the community uses and if need be, explain why.
Take care and all the best for the future.
Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
You don't
You don't know what it feels like to be anyone else - so how can you tell anyone what it feels like to be a whole sector of society..
You can tell someone how your feeling - you can inquire how they are feeling - Trying anything else will only enable people to use imagination to fill in the blanks and thus would never truly 'know' what it feels like. Just as you don't know how it feels to be them.. I don't think gender even comes into the question here.
However, I have been asked this question by a few people - and my simplistic response is to ask them to think they have a body opposite to the gender they claim to be. Ask them to consider (in the case of a male) putting on makeup everyday*, never being able to stand to pee*, being weaker than most*, not being considered bright enough to understand 'technical' things and having their pay cut by 20%*"
In fact, my daughter, when she was 12 came to me to tell me she thought she was male - I was going through a transition at the time, they were teaching about trans* issues at school. I was, of course, very kind and accepting of my child and their self discovery - I also felt I had a pretty good handle on the whole thing - by gently questioning her about what she disliked by being a girl and what she thought meant she was male, by getting her to imagine what life would be like as a man - it soon became obvious to us both that she was very much a female and it gave us a great opportunity to explore what that means and how that should not be limiting in life choices or possibilities. The fact that she saw herself in the future as a mother and not a father role and liked to dress in pretty clothing and generally had shown no male tendencies ever, even though I made sure she never had 'gendered' toys and could pick and choose all her toys and activities herself (For her birthday's we would go to a giant toystore and she would have a budget to buy what she wanted - I insisted she went down the boys aisles as well as all the others - just to get a good taste of everything available. I was so limited in my upbringing that I never had those opportunities and I was going to make sure my child had them, just in case we had their gender wrong.
*I KNOW exceptions abound in these stereotypical responses - please don'1t waste your time trying to educate me.
Quote from: SoupSarah on September 05, 2024, 08:56:40 PMYou don't
You don't know what it feels like to be anyone else - so how can you tell anyone what it feels like to be a whole sector of society..
You can tell someone how your feeling - you can inquire how they are feeling - Trying anything else will only enable people to use imagination to fill in the blanks and thus would never truly 'know' what it feels like. Just as you don't know how it feels to be them.. I don't think gender even comes into the question here.
However, I have been asked this question by a few people - and my simplistic response is to ask them to think they have a body opposite to the gender they claim to be. Ask them to consider (in the case of a male) putting on makeup everyday*, never being able to stand to pee*, being weaker than most*, not being considered bright enough to understand 'technical' things and having their pay cut by 20%*"
In fact, my daughter, when she was 12 came to me to tell me she thought she was male - I was going through a transition at the time, they were teaching about trans* issues at school. I was, of course, very kind and accepting of my child and their self discovery - I also felt I had a pretty good handle on the whole thing - by gently questioning her about what she disliked by being a girl and what she thought meant she was male, by getting her to imagine what life would be like as a man - it soon became obvious to us both that she was very much a female and it gave us a great opportunity to explore what that means and how that should not be limiting in life choices or possibilities. The fact that she saw herself in the future as a mother and not a father role and liked to dress in pretty clothing and generally had shown no male tendencies ever, even though I made sure she never had 'gendered' toys and could pick and choose all her toys and activities herself (For her birthday's we would go to a giant toystore and she would have a budget to buy what she wanted - I insisted she went down the boys aisles as well as all the others - just to get a good taste of everything available. I was so limited in my upbringing that I never had those opportunities and I was going to make sure my child had them, just in case we had their gender wrong.
*I KNOW exceptions abound in these stereotypical responses - please don'1t waste your time trying to educate me.
Sarah, all I want to say is that I think you are a truly amazing mother, and I wish I had had someone like you in my life. That's all. You are one in a billion. And thank you for being who you are with your little girl. Some people have this gift some people don't. I don't. You do. You have this in abundance. And I thank you for that. You are amazing, and if your little girl is even 1/10th the person you are, she is amazing too.
Quote from: Sephirah on September 05, 2024, 09:28:46 PMSarah, all I want to say is that I think you are a truly amazing mother, and I wish I had had someone like you in my life. That's all. You are one in a billion. And thank you for being who you are with your little girl. Some people have this gift some people don't. I don't. You do. You have this in abundance. And I thank you for that. You are amazing, and if your little girl is even 1/10th the person you are, she is amazing too.
My daughter is more than I ever will be and I am humbled to be called 'mother' by her.
Quote from: SoupSarah on September 05, 2024, 09:32:42 PMMy daughter is more than I ever will be and I am humbled to be called 'mother' by her.
I doubt that, sweetie. You give her foundation. Grounding. The person she looks to in order to strive to who she wants to be. I think you are special to give her that foundation. To give her someone she can come to. You are the one who makes the next Lara Croft ;)
You should be proud. As someone who never had kids, who can't deal with kids... you are a testament to everything good in the world when it comes to nurturing someone, Sarah. To guide them based on what you've been through and trying to steer them away from that. But with kindness. With gentleness and understanding. Not passing down things you've been through down... which is oh so easy to do. My dad did it.
Sarah, you are someone everyone should aspire to be. I mean that. <3
Early on when a friend asked what it felt like to be trans growing up... so NOT what it feels like to be living now as an out trans woman. Those, I think, are wildly different things. Here's how I answered his question:
Imagine you're given a role to play in a show. You get really good at playing this person, so good that everyone sees you as this person...so good that you can ALMOST think like this person... but yet you always know, of course, that underneath the makeup and costume and scripts it's still you.
However, slowly you realize that everyone else sees ONLY the character. They actually think you ARE the character, and as far as they're concerned that's who you are and have always been, and there's nothing you can do to change their minds. To make them remember. Nothing.
Yes, it's like an old Twilight Zone story... but when you get to THAT point? THAT is the trans experience. Where only you can see the person you are, and you feel trapped playing this role so you can fit into society and not upset or lose all your friends and family. And it feels like a waking nightmare.
Quote from: imallie on September 05, 2024, 09:44:20 PMEarly on when a friend asked what it felt like to be trans growing up... so NOT what it feels like to be living now as an out trans woman. Those, I think, are wildly different things. Here's how I answered his question:
Imagine you're given a role to play in a show. You get really good at playing this person, so good that everyone sees you as this person...so good that you can ALMOST think like this person... but yet you always know, of course, that underneath the makeup and costume and scripts it's still you.
However, slowly you realize that everyone else sees ONLY the character. They actually think you ARE the character, and as far as they're concerned that's who you are and have always been, and there's nothing you can do to change their minds. To make them remember. Nothing.
Yes, it's like an old Twilight Zone story... but when you get to THAT point? THAT is the trans experience. Where only you can see the person you are, and you feel trapped playing this role so you can fit into society and not upset or lose all your friends and family. And it feels like a waking nightmare.
Very good analogy. :)
Michelle Duff explained it best. Imagine you've been given 2 left shoes & you're told to walk& run in them. That was what life was like as Mike!