Okay, so the good news is; I graduated on high school. (yay!)
The bad news is... There will be a graduation BALL 25 of June. It technically isn't obligatory, but everybody is coming, and it's one of those things you "can't really skip out on". The big deal about this is that it's a formal ball, which means... a dress for girls, suit for guys.
I suggested "can't I go in suit?" when my parents were browsing for dresses (they know I don't like them), and my mum was all like "don't be a foolish girl! You're not a guy!" after which they subsequently dragged me through town for hours checking out tons and tons of dresses. Me having a long face all the time, just not being able to even PRETEND enjoying it, which eventually also resulted in my parents getting angry and me feeling ->-bleeped-<- as hell.
HOW am I EVER going to survive this!? I really feel like a ->-bleeped-<- in a dress, just... uncomfortable and 'not me'. I will note that money also is an important factor, and I'd preferably go with the cheapest thing as possible (aren't suits more expensive than dresses as well? :s). Also is 'not going' TECHNICALLY not an option (though I'm very seriously considering it at the moment).
):
Honest advice?
I know you said you can't skip it. But . . .
If you're not going to be happy? Don't go. You're done with High School. Sooner rather than later, the popularity contests, bullying (at least some of it), and so on are all going to be a thing of the past. Most of those people there won't matter to you within months, let alone years.
Get together with your friends you like, and do something else on a different day that you'll actualy enjoy. They're the ones who matter most, and the ones you want to have the best memories of anyway. Essentialy these things are set up so that you spend a lot of money to get all fixed up to impress . . . people you don't like or know for the most part. If you're not going to enjoy it simply . . . don't go.
Or . . . show up dressed as you wish and say "screw 'em!" 20 years from now, even if you got thrown out, going this route could be something you look back on with pride as the day you threw the past away and decided to be yourself. Course . . . it's also the harder option, and is easier said than done.
Your only other real option would be to swallow your pride, put on a dress, plaster a smile on your face and pretend to be happy just to please others in your life and those in attendance.
I can't tell you which is the best option. There's up and down sides to all of them, meaning all you can do is make the decision that is best for you. I can tell you that personaly, I know I wish I'd gone with the last option though a long time ago instead of now that I'm in my 30s.
Wear a suit, or even better a tux. And if they don't like it, tell them to bite you. It is your ball after all.
Wear a tux. You'll look extremely cool and handsome :)
Even if it means getting in trouble with your parents... Otherwise just don't go. I never went to Prom, and I don't regret it a single bit.
Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on June 15, 2013, 01:05:37 PM
Wear a suit, or even better a tux. And if they don't like it, tell them to bite you. It is your ball after all.
This is what I'd do.
I'm with Amy and the rest. I doubt that your parents are going to hold you down, shoehorn you into a dress, and bodily drag you (no pun intended) to this ball. You can put your foot down. If they want you to go, it should be on your terms.
Quote from: AmyBosch on June 15, 2013, 12:11:18 PM
Honest advice?
I know you said you can't skip it. But . . .
If you're not going to be happy? Don't go. You're done with High School. Sooner rather than later, the popularity contests, bullying (at least some of it), and so on are all going to be a thing of the past. Most of those people there won't matter to you within months, let alone years.
Get together with your friends you like, and do something else on a different day that you'll actualy enjoy. They're the ones who matter most, and the ones you want to have the best memories of anyway. Essentialy these things are set up so that you spend a lot of money to get all fixed up to impress . . . people you don't like or know for the most part. If you're not going to enjoy it simply . . . don't go.
Or . . . show up dressed as you wish and say "screw 'em!" 20 years from now, even if you got thrown out, going this route could be something you look back on with pride as the day you threw the past away and decided to be yourself. Course . . . it's also the harder option, and is easier said than done.
Your only other real option would be to swallow your pride, put on a dress, plaster a smile on your face and pretend to be happy just to please others in your life and those in attendance.
I can't tell you which is the best option. There's up and down sides to all of them, meaning all you can do is make the decision that is best for you. I can tell you that personaly, I know I wish I'd gone with the last option though a long time ago instead of now that I'm in my 30s.
I agree with this so much. If you really don't want to go, then don't. You got a diploma because the school thought you were educated and disciplined enough to continue your life as a responsible adult that is capable of making wise decisions by yourself. I didn't go to prom, cotillon, Millitary ball, or even my college graduation and I don't regret it. If you really want to wear a tux then go for it....or you could fidn a compromise and wear a female tux.
Words of wisdom that I came across years ago and try to keep in mind in situations like this: people have the power over you that you give them. Sounds like it's time to make a stand... I know that that can be hard, but you have to be your own advocate sometimes.
I suppose it would also be wise to ask you what your financial relationship with them will be like now that you are out of high school. If they are likely to destroy any advantageous college arrangements over this silly ball, then you might decide that a few hours of misery are worth the support you will get from them. But if it's just the ball itself, why put yourself through it?
Some people might also consider your emotional relationship, but that will be in jeopardy when/if you fully come out and transition.
If your parents are really pressuring you into going and have actually brought the dress for you, you could always be very very sick on the day of the ball and just not go >:-)
Didn't one of the girls in 'Mean girls' go the the graduation ball at the end of the film in a tuxedo? I think if people see how comfortable you are in a tuxedo, they shouldn't have to second guess why your wearing it.
If it is a question of keeping the parents happy, maybe arrange to visit a close friends house beforehand to change after leaving home in a dress? I know it's not ideal.
Thanks a lot for all the replies people :)
Gladly enough my parents won't stop supporting me if I don't go (I don't even think they would if I'd go in tux), so if I have to choose between 'dress' and 'don't go' I know what I'll do.
But yeah, my friends are there too, and actually I WANT to go, but NOT in a DRESS. I have been in a dress, with makeup, high heels, the 'full deal', once and that was once too many! (I got myself into it by friends saying "you'll like it when it's done" and me thinking "mmm, okayyy... can't judge when you don't try")
Another difficulty is the price. I don't think my parents will pay anything (bad financial weather over here), but it seems impossible to rent a tux for 50 e or less (preferably not above 40 e, but that's probably impossible, lol)
Gladly they haven't already bought a dress, they were just looking for stuff and calling out "oohh, see this! You like this one?" (and if I said "no" (with every dress) they got angry because "I was being a grump" *facepalm*)
*sigh* I think I'll just not go... but I'd love to come proudly in a tux V__V That would just be awesome and badass!
Does it have to be a tuxedo?
If you want to go, but the issue is just not in a dress, why not borrow a suit? A slim fit pin stripe suit would be just as, if not more, badass than a tux. (I'm biased against tuxedo's :P not a huge fan of them)
Well, of course not. Just formal clothes, and NOT a dress is fine.
But I still can't find anything. I found a suit to buy for 100 e, but that's a bit too much still right now. Especially if I want to use money as an argument to convince my parents (I found a dress to buy for 40 e, so that probably wouldn't work out. When I could rent for 40 e I'd be happy too, but the only ones that cheap were only one part and not an entire set *sigh*)
Maybe just a nice button down shirt, some slacks, and a tie?
That would definitely cut the costs yeah! Is that 'formal' enough for a graduation ball though? I always have trouble with those damned etiquettes, lol.
Yes, it is. :) It's perfect.
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on June 17, 2013, 10:59:20 AM
That would definitely cut the costs yeah! Is that 'formal' enough for a graduation ball though? I always have trouble with those damned etiquettes, lol.
I'd say it's good enough, man!
And besides . . . at this point,
whadatheygonnado? Susspend you or give you detention? :D You're officialy an adult now :D
Congratulations! and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I've read some of your previous posts in the past, and I think you're becoming a fine young man and off to a great start.