Today I accidentally woke up at 2am and i couldn't believe what I saw-and I'm still wishing that it would have been false. My dad is a good person and sympathetic too, but I saw him watching nude wallpapers saved in his flash drive-and i could not sleep the whole night. Now I have confirmed that what I saw was true-it is in the browser's history. I can't tell this to my mother as I know she won't be able to cope with it. I don't know what to do. If my younger sister would have seen this, what would have she thought of dad?Whom should I tell about this? Now if I tell dad that i am trans i would be in trouble I think.
How would this affect the way he would treat you if you told him you were trans?
I thought that the only person in my house who could understand it was my dad, now when I see this I have no belief in him.
I'm pretty sure a lot more people do that than you think. It doesn't mean he's a monster or anything at all. Unless it was of children (illegal) or trans women.
I see what you mean now. I don't think you should worry too much though, I doubt it will have an effect on his relationship with you. Watching those sort of things definitely isn't for everyone but it's a lot more common than you may think. It doesn't mean that your dad loves you or your family members any less. I'm sure that if he's been understanding with you in the past, you'll still be able to let him know that you're trans when you're ready.
A LOT of guys watch porn! Maybe you're a little young and/or naive to this but trust me, it's 100% natural, as long as it's legal. Guys aren't even embarrassed by their love for porn, many groups of guys even watch porn together or share porn they have on their phones.
This makes absolutely no difference with regards to coming out to your dad. I remember the day I found out through browser history that my brother had started doing the same thing, so I cleared the history for him and then showed him how to do that himself. There's nothing wrong or weird about it.
The difference is that women tend to be more imaginative. If women even need porn (some have that great an imagination) they are more likely to read it (see Fifty Shades of Grey) they don't so much watch it. Some do, but it's not as common. Porn is graphic and too much for a lot of women so while their imagination gives them what they want, they can't understand the need for such graphic visual material and therefore can be appalled by the idea of visual porn. However, for men, it's all about the visual stimulus. They are more likely to need something visual in their porn.
There's always going to be people that differ but perhaps you've been more aware of the women's side of disgust towards visual porn and that's perhaps influenced your shock here. My advice: laugh it off. You've just found out your dad is human :P.
I figured there would be more to the story than what was posted, so I decided to check where you are, and your profile says India. If that's the case, then I can understand more why this has come as such a shock. Despite being raised in the United States, I am still Mexican and was raised with those values, so I can understand more or less what you're feeling. You need to understand though that this is quite natural. It doesn't at all mean that he loves your mother any less or that he's even any less attracted to her. It doesn't mean that he will be unfaithful to her either. As long as it doesn't take over his life, you thankfully have no problem. He's still the father you love and know, now you just know he still has urges like any other man.
You know, this could actually be a good thing. You might want to tell him privately when no one else is around what happened and tell him to be a bit more careful next time. Be loving and understanding, don't judge him. If he knows he has that from you, it could actually make it much easier to tell him that you're trans when you're ready.
In India I don't think many people who are as old as him do it, and the condition in which our family is right now I think it is wrong. And if you see what's been happening in India for the past few months, this is the cause. I know that he likes my family, but once i declare that i am trans he won't be able to take it very well.
I think you're overreacting to this big time. He is a man and men have needs. I myself watch porn at least every other day. My gf knows and she thinks it's funny...she doesn't care at all. Before T I didn't even care for it much but now I have favorite porn stars, lol. Leave the man alone. You don't want him to judge you one day for being trans so don't judge him for liking to look at nude women. He's a normal guy.
Quote from: Simon on June 18, 2013, 09:13:32 AM
I think you're overreacting to this big time. He is a man and men have needs. I myself watch porn at least every other day. My gf knows and she thinks it's funny...she doesn't care at all. Before T I didn't even care for it much but now I have favorite porn stars, lol. Leave the man alone. You don't want him to judge you one day for being trans so don't judge him for liking to look at nude women. He's a normal guy.
What he said.
Hell, I'm happily in a relationship and I watch porny stuff pretty much everyday.
Difficult to avoid in Tumblr, lol. I actually draw that stuff myself.
Quote from: av1 on June 18, 2013, 08:17:42 AM
In India I don't think many people who are as old as him do it, and the condition in which our family is right now I think it is wrong. And if you see what's been happening in India for the past few months, this is the cause. I know that he likes my family, but once i declare that i am trans he won't be able to take it very well.
From what I gather porn is more taboo in India; you only think it's uncommon and perhaps that's because it's taboo so guys aren't as open about it. Sex and sexual desires are 100% natural. Some religions and cultures make these desires out to be wrong or sinful; in my (and doctor's) opinion, nothing could be further from the truth. You have to remember this. You're judging your father very unfairly from a simple lack of understanding if you remain appalled. If you ever want him to ever accept you, he's going to understand as little about your situation as you currently do about the needs of men and their porn. If you can't accept him for being a man, how can he accept you for being the same?
Watching porn or looking at nude photos doesn't mean that man loves anyone in their life less, it's just well known that men tend to have higher sex drives than women and so they need release more often. Their partners are rarely up for satisfying that urge and so men need to relieve themselves more often, and like I stated before, they can often turn to porn to help. Look at many blogs or videos for guys starting T and you'll see many refer to an increase in sex drive. This usually evens out but can be higher than they were used to pre T.
Am I missing something? How is your dad watching porn in any way going to change how he will react to you being trans? O_O Most people, not only men, watch porn. I don't care where you live.
Quote from: av1 on June 18, 2013, 08:17:42 AM
In India I don't think many people who are as old as him do it, and the condition in which our family is right now I think it is wrong. And if you see what's been happening in India for the past few months, this is the cause. I know that he likes my family, but once i declare that i am trans he won't be able to take it very well.
lol wut?
you are overreacting. I know it's a cultural thing as i work with lots of folks from india (caila region) and they are either islamists or conservative christians. I watch porn almost every day. I like it. i phap to it. I also love my sister and and my mom and my girfriend.
Also, porn is not the cause of a girl gettig gang raped with a metal rod.
Yeah, just echoing what everyone else has said. Watching porn is completely normal and it doesn't make your dad a bad person, or less likely to accept you.
That said, I'd be completely freaked out if I walked in on a family member watching it, or if one of them walked in on me. So I can see how you'd feel weird and awkward about the whole thing. But don't judge your dad for it, it means nothing.
Quote from: Jack_M on June 18, 2013, 05:09:03 AM
My advice: laugh it off. You've just found out your dad is human :P.
I agree with what others have been saying, I would try to shake it off (that does sound extremely awkward, but I've found myself in a similar situation so I'm a little desensitized) and accept it. I really do not think this will effect his reaction to you coming out to him.
I found out about the kind of porn my dad watches, and honestly, I thought it was really gross and it creeped me out to be around him. Lol. But I watch it too. I don't think anyone wants to see their parents doing anything remotely sexual, but I agree with the others. it doesn't make him a bad person. Unless it was some sort of porn that involved children or extreme violence.
I would just leave it alone. You're father's a man and a lot of men like porn or erotic images. Some women like them too and perhaps his wife doesn't mind. Maybe they even watch it together?
Quote from: Malachite on June 18, 2013, 08:54:16 PM
Some women like them too and perhaps his wife doesn't mind. Maybe they even watch it together?
You're going to give the kid a heart attack, lol.
I can understand your feelings but I can assure you that its not unhealthy to look at pictures and does not mean your dad is anything other than a fine father and man. I live in Asia and am a eurasia and our cultures are much more conservative than the West. I also know of the current stream of emotions in India relating to the attacks on women and while some uninformed people relate the viewing of pictures to this deviant behavior that is not correct. viewing these pictures will not change the loving relation that you dad has for you.
Quote from: av1 on June 18, 2013, 02:54:59 AM
Today I accidentally woke up at 2am and i couldn't believe what I saw-and I'm still wishing that it would have been false. My dad is a good person and sympathetic too, but I saw him watching nude wallpapers saved in his flash drive-and i could not sleep the whole night. Now I have confirmed that what I saw was true-it is in the browser's history. I can't tell this to my mother as I know she won't be able to cope with it. I don't know what to do. If my younger sister would have seen this, what would have she thought of dad?Whom should I tell about this? Now if I tell dad that i am trans i would be in trouble I think.
If he wasn't interested in sex, then he would be a little off. You shouldn't tell anyone, unless you want to discuss it with him. It might be an opening for coming out.
My father used to have a subscription to
Playboy magazine. How do you think I learned about sex?!
whether watching this is wrong or not i don't know. My parents hide almost every problem from me saying that keep the children away so i eavesdrop on them to make sure it is not anything serious. they start crying on small problems like yesterday the computer refused to start and my fathers work was stopped so he spoke like he was crying(although there is nothing wrong in crying, my eyes are so dry that hardly a tear comes out when i want to cry). when i see them i can't calm down, my pulse raises and i can't ask them about it.
Quote from: av1 on June 19, 2013, 01:11:54 AM
My parents hide almost every problem from me saying that keep the children away so i eavesdrop on them to make sure it is not anything serious.
That's normal for parents to do. They don't want their children to be stressed about things that aren't theirs to stress about. They want their kids to have a nice adolescence because there will be plenty of time for them to be stressed out as adults in the future. They do that because they love you. They also do it because quite frankly everything isn't your business. Maybe this is a harsh lesson in how not to be nosy for you.
eavesdrop does not mean that i stay glued finding what has happened-there is just one thing which i see without their permission and that is medical reports.
and i remember that first time i watched my favorite t.v. channel in front of all family members there was a scene in which girls were swimming - and everyone,including my father said -'why are you watching these people getting naked?' and i was confused. even now when i know that such a a scene is coming up i will change the channel but there is no objection if a scene is seen in an ad on a family channel..........
Quote from: av1 on June 20, 2013, 03:07:01 AM
eavesdrop does not mean that i stay glued finding what has happened-there is just one thing which i see without their permission and that is medical reports.
and i remember that first time i watched my favorite t.v. channel in front of all family members there was a scene in which girls were swimming - and everyone,including my father said -'why are you watching these people getting naked?' and i was confused. even now when i know that such a a scene is coming up i will change the channel but there is no objection if a scene is seen in an ad on a family channel..........
sounds like typical hypocrisy that occurs in a religion or culture that denies sexual impulses. Here is your bottom line av:
It is NORMAL for men to look at porn. Stop worrying.
Quote from: chuck on June 20, 2013, 03:49:11 AM
sounds like typical hypocrisy that occurs in a religion or culture that denies sexual impulses. Here is your bottom line av:
It is NORMAL for men to look at porn. Stop worrying.
Couldn't agree more. It's sad when religion and some cultures try to make sex and everything sexual wrong/sinful and tends to cause a lot of harm. Instead it should be taught that it is natural, it is okay, and it is normal. What isn't normal is to deny oneself sexual thoughts or actions. That's frankly just weird. No matter how many times kids are told to never touch themselves, they're 9 times out of 10 going to do it. And I personally find it to be child abuse to make kids feel guilty or bad for it!
In this case it seems that av1 believes and was brought up to believe it's wrong/sinful and proves this approach to be harmful in the way they're freaking out over something natural despite all our assurances. Freaking out over someone watching porn is like freaking out over a flower growing. It's natural and it's common. It's not Armageddon.
Seriously av1, people are even joking over the success of Fifty Shades of Grey saying that horny women have played a vital role in helping to fix the economy by buying this book in such high numbers. That's primarily porn for women. We can track that because it's a book so we have best seller lists and they brag about numbers sold. When it comes to video porn (that's more aimed at guys) it's an even bigger industry.
Chalk this up to hypocrisy and quit worrying about it. Watching porn is fine, acceptable and common. You only need worry if he's watching illegal material, like child porn or snuff films. That's not natural and THAT is when it's justifiable to freak out.