Since I just joined the site, I thought I'd post my own journey to finally accepting who I am, just to get some thoughts from the rest of the members who've gone through what I did, and have results.
I suppose everything started in middle school really. I didn't identify well with guys, and I had a lot of female friends. That continued into high school, where the serious stuff started. I was envious of the clothing girls got to wear, how they looked so beautiful with what they could wear: skirts, V-necks, heels, etc. That's when I started going through my mom's drawers and trying things on. Eventually, I got to doing it after school every day until my dad would get home. I was able to convince my dad to call me when he was close so I'd have time to change back to regular clothing. There were close calls, but I was never caught.
When I started college, everything stopped. I started dating my first girlfriend, just to keep up an image. At college, I was in a dorm with a roommate, so there wasn't a lot I could do physically. However, the freedom of college meant I could go online and do whatever I wanted. Sexually, I wasn't active, but I had desires. So, I spent my time doing online sex. However, I always pretended to be a girl.
During the summers, when I was home, I'd save a little bit of money and nervously grab panties or a skirt, and hide them at home. However, I was always scared my parents would find them, so I threw them away after a week or so.
When I met my wife, we went through a summer where I revealed to her that I liked wearing women's clothing. She was nervous about it, but she loved me and decided to go along with it for a little. She bought me some panties and a skirt, and a pair of pajamas. But, after a few weeks, I didn't wear any one day, and she was convinced I was over the "phase." Since she was convinced, so was I. So, I went back to wearing clothing when no one was around.
After college, we lived with my parents for a few months, and then moved to an apartment. At both times, I would wear when no one was around. I stopped spending money on clothing though, and just wore hers.
Even after we got married, and eventually moved into a house, I still wore when she wasn't around. I spend a lot of time while she's at work wearing, and sometimes I go online and act like a girl.
Overall, I have a happy life with my wife and son, but when I wear, I feel like I'm cheating on my wife. That's sort of where I realized something had to be done. That's why I'm ready. I'm done hiding. But I need the support of others, so I want to start therapy first. I'm almost certain I'll lose my marriage, and I can't imagine how a judge would rule for custody. I suppose I'll deal with that when the issue arises. Right now, I need to learn to be honest with myself, find a therapist, and work with them for some time.
Any advice you can give is helpful. Thanks!
You are right, find a therapist. Start there, be honest, be open, and listen to them. If they are good, you will learn things about yourself that you never knew and in so learning, make the best decision. Maybe you are trans, maybe you're somewhere in-between, maybe you just like wearing woman's clothes. They will help you discover yourself and then, help you do what is right for you and for your family. The child, your son, is a concern that needs to be addressed.
Please, do not discount any relationship – with your friends, your family or with your spouse. There will be some accuracy in your predictions as well as some surprises and some disappointments.
I wish I had more, that I knew more. You are starting in the right place.
The first step is always the hardest. I agree that a therapist seems like a good place to start. Admitting something to yourself is a major step. I wish you the best of luck and welcome.