So I have a really bad home environment and my folks don't accept my transition at all. My mom barely talks to me, constantly makes remarks about how I dress, told me not to go outfront cause my boobs are too big, and other stuff. We do have nice days but they are are few and far between. My dad is not as bad.
And my BF wants me to move in with him. I stayed with him all week a week ago and it was great. I really really like him and the other day on the train home I realized how good I felt and I haven't felt like this in so long. Like six years. Six long years. But I have only known him for a month. The thing is I know what I want and we get along great and he makes me laugh so hard. I'm 31 so I'm hardly a kid and at this age I feel like things move quicker. But is it too fast? Some would say it is. I would disagree. What y'all think.
I would say tread carefully. Make sure this is what you want and that it will work out. I had a friend move in with her bf at the time and things seemed great. At the moment though they are broken up after a few months. Be careful.
-hugs-
Joanna a month is pretty quick to be moving in with a man. I know you want away from your parents but you still only just met him. But it's your call not mine and I hope this works out well for you. And your the one who knows him and he could be the perfect man for you. I know if it was me I would give it some more time to see where the relationship is headed. :)
Well I feel like opportunities present themselves so rarely and that when one appears you should grab onto it for all it's worth. Plus I trust my instincts and my instincts say it is right. Of course what if my instincts are lying? If we wanted to be together more, which we do, this is the only way. Worse comes to worse, I just move back in with my parents. I been living with them for a couple years now anyway but I need to get out. But that's not the reason it's not like I am being disowned just discouraged.
When I'm with him I feel alive. And it feels good. But I don't want to ruin it either. Ack lol
I think it's ok to move in with him , I mean I would. Just make sure you show your appreciation to him some by doing things for him sometimes and learning his habits so you two can live together ok.
I am assuming is ok to post on MtF boards when I am not.... If not, let me know and I'll slink away quietly...
Just wanted to add that I think it is important to maintain your independence, if you do decide to move in with him, this early on in a relationship it is easy to get so wrapped up in a couple world you lose yourself and that can be pretty detrimental to a relationship. My advice would be to follow your heart, but let your head get a look in occasionally to make sure your on the right track.
Pan
I understand your desire to move out of your mom's place; however, I think moving in with someone so early can jeopardize a relationship. Let's face it, moving in is a huge commitment. In the beginning of a relationship you see all the good and start to have those giddy positive feelings for the other person. When you move in, you start to see some of their flaws and quibbles. It also may make you rush into something that you aren't ready. Before committing yourself to this person, I think it would make sense to give it more time. Plus, I think the comment above me about preserving your independence is very important. I know you already know this from previous experience, but I would hate to see your transition become dependent on another person's will. However, you know your situation, and what's best for you. As long as you feel happy, then do what you feel is best. Just be aware of the circumstances.
I moved in with my ex after the third date. We got married a year later, and even though the relationship went gently downhill, for the first 16 years it was great.
A month isn't too soon, if things are right with both of you.
Good luck! :)
What would I know?
It's what you feel that's important here, not what other people think. If your heart and mind is in the right place then go for it.
Love doesn't need a watch or a calendar.
I normally wouldn't interfere, but you asked what I think. I'm assuming you wouldn't have asked if you didn't want to know.
Of course I don't know you, so don't know how accurate this is, but I care about you and want what's best.
DON'T MOVE IN YET!!!
(1) One month is FAR too short a time to start mingling your life with someone else's. It's impossible to get to know everything that someone might be hiding from you (or you might be hiding from yourself). Moving in implies a commitment that one month together simply doesn't inform you sufficiently to make. (Trust me on this. Moving in is a BIG step.)
(2) You do not want to get to know someone while living with them. You need some boundaries.
(3) I am concerned you are doing this partly to escape from your family. Escaping from your family sounds like a good idea, but NOT THIS WAY. If you can afford your own place, move. If not, don't allow yourself to be dependent on a man. It's not a good place for a woman to be.
(4) From what you've told us of your history, you've talked of times when you've gravitated toward solutions that made you feel a bit better in the short run but were dangerous in the long run and ran counter to your long term goals. Moving in now feels right, but is it the best for your future.
(5) This line concerns me:
Quote from: Joanna Dark on June 23, 2013, 01:48:14 AM
Well I feel like opportunities present themselves so rarely and that when one appears you should grab onto it for all it's worth.
NONONONONO!
If the two of you are truly in love, that the opportunity to move in will still be there a month from now, a year from now, or several years from now. In my experience, if you feel you need to rush something along in order to keep it together, that's a BI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IG warning sign that you need to take it slower, not faster.
So that's what I think. (Well, you DID ask...)
It's got to suck to have a lot of negatives to what you're excited about but everyone is genuinely concerned. It sounds like life at home is pretty unpleasant and so that gives you so much motivation to want to escape. Everyone is worried though about what could go wrong if you do move out, and I really agree with them. You don't want to burn your bridges at home just yet, especially for such a new relationship. It's unfathomable now that you're so in love, but the relationship could end and you really don't want to be stuck without a place to live.
One thing I've really looked into because I've dabbled in aspects of polyamory is New Relationship Energy (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy)). It sounds like you're very much in a new relationship stage with this new guy where everything is so perfect. My best advice would be to wait a while, even though your intense feelings are telling you otherwise. I don't know about your finances and living situation, but one thing I would think about is getting your own place if you're so anxious to escape home. It must be difficult to live with your parents with such negative reactions when you're trying to express yourself in this way. If you had your own place, you could stay with your boyfriend as much as you want while still having your own space.
Hopefully we're not dragging you down from your new relationship euphoria, but you did ask, and that's a good thing :) Good luck!
As others have said .. It also seems too soon to me as well.. Its easy to be caught up in the euphoric LUST <=== love part of a new relationship that pervails the first few months to a year.. that ebbs away over time leaving a more love/ friendship type of relationship. My concern too is that when the 'all is new and wonderful lust phase' has run its course if things didn't work out would you be able to return back home, as bad as that situation is. When in a new seemingly 'savior from my situation' its all to easy to give up a lot of yourself to please the other person and from experience I can tell you after a year or more that loss of yourself will eat at you and create resentment. If all is right between you, and it is truly love a bit more time waiting will not harm that and allow you both to maintain more of yourselves enabling that injection into the relationship. Maybe splitting time between home and his place would help for now. The tighter you grasp a handful of sand the more that sand will slip thru your fingers.
I'm happy you have found someone so wonderful in your life and really don't like being kind of a wet blanket on your party. Our lives as TS's though require us to move with a bit more diligence then others.
I do truly hope this is and remains the person of your dreams!! :)
Thanks everyone for the replies. I guess I have a lot to think about. I am worried that moving too fast will hurt the relationship but OTOH I really think I should follow my heart and my heart tells me to do it. But the heart can be deceitful above all things. If I did it and it didn't work out, i could always move back.
Quote from: Lorri Kat on June 23, 2013, 12:18:20 PM
Maybe splitting time between home and his place would help for now. :)
I think this is what I am ultimately going to do. Not completely move out, but spend a lot more time there. I slept and stayed there all week two weeks ago and it was great. I didn't want to leave. But he had things he had to do.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on June 23, 2013, 02:31:09 PM
I think this is what I am ultimately going to do. Not completely move out, but spend a lot more time there. I slept and stayed there all week two weeks ago and it was great. I didn't want to leave. But he had things he had to do.
I think that's a better idea. That way you don't fully commit until the relationship matures a bit more but still get the intimacy you desire. Good luck with whatever you end up doing.
I agree with the recommendation of most people. Give your self some time. Coming out and transitioning is such a vulnerable period in our lives. We all crave for acceptance. The idea of losing loved ones because of us wanting to be who we really are, even if those loved ones do not seem to accept us, is heartbreaking. I understand why you would like to to move with him....But a boyfriend (or girlfriend) is just not one more friend....there are emotions and other complex issues involved....Many relations feel great initially, only to later reveal that they are not built on a solid foundation. If you can (and believe me, I understand how eager you are to leave your house), give yourself some space, let the relationship with this special person grow. If this relationship is meant to be, this time (of growth and of getting to know each other without pressure) will be much better for both of you at the end; and if it is not meant to be, it will protect you. Hope everything goes well, and I really hope your family learns to accept you.
Girl friend, Go for it! If you like/love this man, be with him & enjoy your life. Have fun.
Joanna, it is a really short time to move in and it could mean the end of the relationship before you know it. But if you two take the time to get to know each other everywhere else besides just the bedroom, learn what makes him the person you care for and you two get to know each other as friends as well as lovers, I think you should take the chance. If you really need to get out of your parents' house, which sounds poisonous at the moment, you don't have many other options right now anyway. But get to know him, let him get to know you and who you are and why. Don't fall in love with this guy before you even know if you like him! It can be done while you live with him if you make the effort. Good luck, hon! Mira
Well I just stay with him now and have been here for like a week. Its great. But yeah I can't help but fall in love as its just how I am. I'm trying to keep my emotions in check but it is awesome to not have to wake up alone. And I've been alone awhile. Who'da thought my love life would get so much better by transitioning?!