One of my SOs is on this site. He recently came out to me as TG (MtF). It's a surprise, but not, really. It's difficult as our relationship is complicated and there isn't anyone that I can really speak to about his transition other than him. And I feel like, as I'm processing, I'm a burden to him. I don't want him to feel like I'm judging him or anything. I'm not worried about being physically attracted to him at all, but I am mourning the "loss" of my boyfriend. I debated joining this site, as I wasn't sure if there was a section for SOs, but I'm glad I found it.
Hi lolife, :icon_wave:
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Janet )O(
Thank you for the welcome. I will be certain to review the guidelines. I hope that this forum will be useful to my SO and I as we continue on our journeys. ;D
Hi, and welcome! My wife transitioned in 2009; while I am (and was) delighted to see her blossoming into herself, I also spent a lot of time grieving for her "old" self. (She didn't actually change all that much, but that didn't matter!) It's normal, I think, and you should definitely let yourself focus on your own processing and feelings when you need to.
Quote from: blueconstancy on June 24, 2013, 07:29:02 AM
Hi, and welcome! My wife transitioned in 2009; while I am (and was) delighted to see her blossoming into herself, I also spent a lot of time grieving for her "old" self. (She didn't actually change all that much, but that didn't matter!) It's normal, I think, and you should definitely let yourself focus on your own processing and feelings when you need to.
Hi! Thanks for the response. He and I have talked about it a lot and he assures me that mainly the physical part of him is going to change. But it's still a change? Ya know? I love him as a person, but I also feel that he's awesome just the way he is, so I don't WANT a change. Even though I am really EXCITED and stoked to meet this new side/person that he will become. It's all grey and murky and will take time. I'm glad I have this place as a sounding board.
Welcome!
Quote from: lolife on June 23, 2013, 09:49:47 PMAnd I feel like, as I'm processing, I'm a burden to him. I don't want him to feel like I'm judging him or anything.
I can definitely relate to your feelings about processing and not wanting to be a burden. It's the reason I joined, and try to be active on this site! Definitely feel free to hit me up if you wanna talk, or anyone else here! So far everyone I've encountered on these forums has been super helpful, and wonderfully kind.
lolife - That makes perfect sense to me, because I *hate* change. :) I don't know if it will help, but it also made me feel tons better when my wife admitted that she ALSO felt as if many changes were simultaneously a joyous moment of progress and letting go/grieving the "old version." (Like, for example, I was delighted to see laser working and her skin becoming so clear and gorgeous, but also had to grieve for the fact that she'd never have the cute 2-day stubble again. As a small example.) The good news is that usually the adjustment *does* happen, and it becomes more of a faint occasional wistfulness for the past than active pain.
The beginning of the gray and murky intermediate period, when you don't know what's coming or how much adapting it will take, may well be the hardest part. Once it's mostly done with on a given change, and you can focus on how much you enjoy the new version, it gets tons easier.
Quote from: blueconstancy on June 25, 2013, 07:19:48 AM
(Like, for example, I was delighted to see laser working and her skin becoming so clear and gorgeous, but also had to grieve for the fact that she'd never have the cute 2-day stubble again. As a small example.)
You made me feel tons better about a conversation that he and I had recently. ;) He's looking to start with laser soonish (he doesn't have a lot to laser off anyway) and I "requested" one last growth of "farewell scruff". He'd only really let it grow cause I enjoy the feeling (he's considerate like that). I just find it comforting that others have similiar emotions to what I'm feeling. :)
Quote from: lolife on June 25, 2013, 10:23:52 PM
You made me feel tons better about a conversation that he and I had recently. ;) He's looking to start with laser soonish (he doesn't have a lot to laser off anyway) and I "requested" one last growth of "farewell scruff". He'd only really let it grow cause I enjoy the feeling (he's considerate like that). I just find it comforting that others have similiar emotions to what I'm feeling. :)
I pretty much started an entire thread on how much I'd miss my wife's beard. :laugh: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,141415 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,141415)
I think we think a long the same lines. Friends? :P
Quote from: lolife on June 25, 2013, 10:56:04 PM
I think we think a long the same lines. Friends? :P
Sure! :D