Hi Everyone. My name is Jamie. I'm 42, from Buffalo, NY, and a MTF Transgender person. Ive been reading the boards for months now as a guest. Mostly for information and to see what others have to say about the myriad of challenges and the like that TG people go through on their journey. But sometimes I just found myself reading the boards for fun. Well I finally created an account and thought it would be best if I introduced myself.
Ive identified for many years now as a two spirit person. As a gay man (though I did spend some years in my youth unsuccessfully trying to "live the normal life" and be a straight guy.) I enjoyed that my choice of sexual partners (men) felt right. But the fact that my role in the relationship, though a bottom, just didnt feel right. So much manliness and I perceived that some of that manliness had to come from me as well. Just didnt feel right. I wished to be treated as a lady and of course, that didnt happen. lol. So though I shaved my legs, did my eyebrows just so, wore the tight jeans, and have sported finger and toenail polish for as long as I could remember, it really never dawned on me that perhaps I was transgender. Well after alot of research and reading, as well as just plain old thinking long and hard about who I am, my role in society, my sexuality, etc... I realized that ID'ing as gay was a wrong self diagnosis. Since I clearly wasnt straight, gotta be gay. even if its a girly gay was the thought process. But the more I read, and the more I thought about the matter, I suppose it was just a matter of time before the lil light bulb above my head turned on. and of course, it did.
Since then ( that was last yr) Ive found a wonderful and supportive therapist, was diagnosed as having GID, and recieved my letter for HRT. Ive been scheduled quite far out for my 1st appt ( like 8 months) and luckily for me, the TG Initiative here in Buffalo is working on finding me sooner and friendlier care, and possibly health insurance as well. While I wait for HRT, Ive been living pretty much full time as female. Well as much as I can without breasts and some other feminizing aspects of HRT. To be honest, I don't pass save once in a blue moon. But I suppose that would be asking a lil much at this point. I guess that just living as female outside of my apartment is quite a big step in itself, and I should be content with simply "being on the way". As for HRT itself, I know its not magic, but I do hope for some fat redistribution, my cheeks to fill out, and maybe, just maybe, some A cup breasts. fingers are crossed!
Realizing and being TG is perhaps the best and also most scary event on my life. When I was a kid, I was perhaps more sensitive than most boys, and felt pretty when my mom permed my hair in the 7th grade (lol. 70s were a pretty funny time) thing is, I didnt ID as a girl in the least. The only thing from my youth that is trans related at all is my penchant for pretty jewelry, nail polish and that I thought men were so so dreamy. Whenever I would fail at something as a boy, I would remark to myself that damn, I shoulda been born a girl. grrrr. but that was about it and I dont think I ever really took any of it all that seriously. Upon self discovery later in life, I had some doubts. am I trans enough to be trans? Why didn't I know what was up in my teens? and if Im not trans, then what the hell am I?!? Even now, tho I am excited for my future as a woman, I occasionally wake up thinking THIS IS CRAZY! What am I doing! but I typically put on my makeup, have a cup of coffee and all is well again. There are also what Im sure are common fears like never ever being able to pass, how will I afford health care and surgeries if I need them, how do I tell my aging parents something that will possibly break their hearts. All in all, what a pandora's box I opened simply because I wanted to find out why a lot of stuff that should fit in life just didnt.
other things about me that may be boring or not.
I cook for a living. I've been published in the local major newspaper for an article and recipes about food (lucky opportunity I made the best of). I am largely vegetarian and am pretty passionate about good eating. Surprisingly enough, Im one of the few professional cooks I know that enjoys cooking at home as well. I plan on writing a cookbook one day but have only gotten to the basic planning part of the whole thing. Currently employed during my transition and people are largely supportive. I really dont wish to cook the rest of my life. It is very difficult work and I'll be thankful to not get cut and burnt anymore and come home not smelling like a taco. Plus I will gladly trade my chef's uniform for a nice skirt and some hose. I am glad I do have a way to support myself while transitioning and cooking is a pretty valuable skill to have, even if it not what's paying the rent.
everything else in a simple list. I love to fly kites, paint, origami, I watch documentaries rather than movies, thrift shop for clothes, I read everything from winnie the pooh, to herman hesse, to hp lovecraft. I play arabic frame drums, guitar, bass, and am learning the piano. My musical tastes are pretty eclectic as well. old country, punk rock, house music, early jazz but on most days I'll be found listening to jamaican music and soweto from s. africa. I enjoy watching sports, primarily hockey and soccer and dont feel ungirly at all for it :P last but not least. The love of my life is a pretty orange tabby named Irie.
I guess that does it for an intro! Nice to meet you all. And Im sure I will have plenty of questions along the way, and prolly a few stories as well. I apologize if this post was a long rambling string of words. I tend to do that. lol
Cheers,
Jamie
pics are me while I wrote this post. Im not pretty yet but I hope to be one day :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi43.tinypic.com%2F2pobe9y.jpg&hash=dee08bfeda9c70985075400442e1be6fbabc0c3d) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi40.tinypic.com%2F2iuyibc.jpg&hash=b2d4c1c5a2f62388da71ee08fdbf56e1b23e1e0e) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi41.tinypic.com%2F333v4ic.jpg&hash=47527d40183439a6a514461a49bd82ce07daf449)
Hi Jamie :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
Please be sure to review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs
V M
Welcome jamie!
I'm thrilled to be able to be the first to welcome you to the site.
First, just so i don't forget, you are trans if that is how you would like to identify. "Trans" identifies a wide spectrum of people, it can cover transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, and gender variant to name a few. don't worry too much about labels. All that is important is that you do what feels right.
Second, i want to thank you for your story. It is always nice hearing someone else's experience.
well shoot, missed first post. oh well
Hi Jamie, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 11781 . That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Hi Jamie, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. Grab a comfy chair and get busy posting! See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn
Hi Jamie!
You're always welcome here! I'm sure all our brothers and sisters and others will be very happy to have a new sister!
And, what are you talking about? I think you're lovely!
Thanks for sharing your story, I certainly think it's interesting. Everyone's story is unique, after all.
Hi Jamie :) You have a lot of very nice features and you are pretty, but I think you dropped something... Your smile :) Quick, pick it up before it gets lost somewhere and come join in the fun
Hugs
V M
thanks for the warm welcome everyone! you make this girl feel very at home already :)
I do smile btw. seems like I rarely do in pictures. not sure why. My mom says the same thing tho. lol. the compliment you gave brought one to my face for sure. see --> :D
Hi Jamie and welcome to Susan's.
:)
Another Jamie! Yaaaay!
I like to cook too, though I am not a professional. I did do short order when I was in college ::)
Anywho, welcome. And don't worry about being "trans enough to be trans." We have members from all parts of the transgender spectrum. Some come here thinking they identify one way, and through work, interaction, and introspection, find out they are more than what they first thought. It is a great feeling to be on that road to discovery.
Quote from: Jamie D on June 26, 2013, 10:11:59 PM
Another Jamie! Yaaaay!
I like to cook too, though I am not a professional. I did do short order when I was in college ::)
Anywho, welcome. And don't worry about being "trans enough to be trans." We have members from all parts of the transgender spectrum. Some come here thinking they identify one way, and through work, interaction, and introspection, find out they are more than what they first thought. It is a great feeling to be on that road to discovery.
Another Jamie? Just what we needed...
:P ;D
Heya Jamie :). Not pretty??? In my opinion, You are looking quite hot ;). And I would have never thought You are 42, btw :)
Jamie,
I read that most m2f transgender people begin to clearly recognize their ->-bleeped-<- in their late 30s or early 40s. I guess this is partly because they can sustain themselves economically at these ages and have some leisure time to reflect and retrospect their life. As you seem to have a stable job and the job is nice for transgender people, you may progress easily, at least faster than me. In my case, I realized my transsexualism at my late 30s, but I am married and have kids. I already gave up any plan of transition. Just wearing ladies' clothes, occasionally skirts and heels.
Nice to meet you.
barbie~~
@ Emily, :) that was very sweet of you to say. love it!
@ Barbie, that is comforting information for sure. nice to know im not a rarity by my later in life realization.
realizing my transsexualism was probably inevitable and I think I subconsciously knew who I was before I consciously did. Hence, over a decade of living as a very effeminate gay guy.
what I find surprising is that self realization has been liberating in so many ways, and I feel like I am finally presenting to world an accurate reflection of the soul inside. Not to mention my delight in having my wardrobe options dramatically increase! yet, at the same time, there are now so many worries, challenges, frequent discrimination, and the like its all I can do just to hold on. what a rollercoaster ride the last few yrs have been!
Loving that wardobe option explosion too! Welcome sister!
Another Jamie, welcome Jamie! I am a short drive over the border from you living in Mississauga a burb west of my birth city of Toronto. I agree with VenomGaia, your story is interesting. Everyone's story is unique. You shine up nice for not being on hormones. Girls like guy sports. I like & used to play some road & frozen pond hockey (what Canadian guy doesn't), the Leafs & Sabers have a real dislike going on, you own us in Buffalo. I like Indy & F1 auto racing, Baseball (the Jays farm team is in Buffalo now) etc. Good that you are employed through transition & hope the health insurance is there for you. Like that bit about the wardrobe. You have a lot of femme years ahead of you, just see Shan & I in our 70's, enjoying a Happy life being pretty ladies.
Enjoy
Jamie