Just a happy story I want to share... and I guess possibly asking for advice at the end?
I'm going to a pre-college program for 5 weeks this summer, and I came in knowing nobody. Also, I am enrolled as female because I didn't realise how open all these people are. I met some of them on facebook but none in real life. When I was facebook stalking some of these people, I found a guy, Danny, who had lots of LGBT-related posts on his page, and when I got to the program I saw he was rooming with a girl. I put two and two together, and decided I wanted to talk to him. but I'm too antisocial and awkward and struggled to figure out how to start a conversation.
Lucky for me his roommate/best friend happens to be really good at spotting transpeople, and she called me over after class to talk to them. I was too scared to actually come out to them at first even though I shouldn't have been, but eventually I did. So I've been hanging out with him a lot now and when we were chatting, we discovered that we actually come from the same city which is even more awesome. He just got his T letter, so he's helping me find a therapist and stuff- the one big therapist around here hasn't been answering emails and calls apparently, so he knows someone else.
It's really awesome for me to finally know in real life another transguy, especially right after I had a crisis about being trans. (I'm a Christian, so sometimes I get worried I'm sinning. I feel like if being trans was wrong, God wouldn't have let me meet him right now.) I wish I had gone into this program as Dean though, because Danny was telling me he asked housing to room him with another transguy if there was another one, but his best friend if there wasn't. And there isn't another transguy, so he's rooming with a girl.
I definitely know this is where I want to go to college now though, it's SUPER open even though its in the south, it's one of the best art schools out there, and it's in a beautiful area.
I've kind of been entertaining the though of coming out... but I just feel like it'd be weird this early in the program since it started on Saturday (as in like, why didn't I just come into the program being out)
Hey happy for your news. Having trans friends has been wonderful for me. I don't know how people do this alone.
Does it matter if you come out after the program starts? I'm sure you'd have to do some quick emails to teachers and all. I think you might get some help at the LGBT center, if there is one. But I have some ideas on the one you didn't ask--"can you be a Christian and trans.
Look at this site:
http://www.transchristians.org/ (http://www.transchristians.org/)
Includes churches that are trans friendly and specific answers to specific questions on being a Christian. I used it to write a letter to my fundie sister.
There's a great movie: "Call Me Malcolm" It's about Malcolm Himshoot who is an ordained pastor and trans. It's more about being trans (I love this movie) than being an ordained pastor but there are religious elements to this about seminary, his own pastor, his thoughts, and ends in his ordination.
--Jay
That's wonderful and I agree with aleon515 about transchristians.org. That site really helped me.
Thanks for posting the link and the movie name drop, aleon515. I'm not a christian but my family is and these might help me help them.
The site might help answer questions for you that they might bring up. Call me Malcolm is a good film. If your parents are interesting in learning, it's a good movie. I wouldn't recommend if they are more fundamentalist types because he is in a VERY liberal denomination (United Church of Christ) which they don't consider to be Christian.
--Jay
I feel really happy for you Dean :) awesome you met another transguy!
I'm thinking to just tell people on my introduction to university, as if I introduce myself as a girl, I'd have to explain to them at some point I'm not, etc. etc. and I think that if you introduce as a guy, people will see you as a guy (if you're not VERY obviously a (girly) girl).
And maybe I'll meet some fellow transguys too, that would be awesome! Even a transgirl would be pretty great, as even though of the other gender, we both go through the same kind of things.
Quote from: aleon515 on June 24, 2013, 10:46:56 PM
Hey happy for your news. Having trans friends has been wonderful for me. I don't know how people do this alone.
Does it matter if you come out after the program starts? I'm sure you'd have to do some quick emails to teachers and all. I think you might get some help at the LGBT center, if there is one. But I have some ideas on the one you didn't ask--"can you be a Christian and trans.
Look at this site:
http://www.transchristians.org/ (http://www.transchristians.org/)
Includes churches that are trans friendly and specific answers to specific questions on being a Christian. I used it to write a letter to my fundie sister.
There's a great movie: "Call Me Malcolm" It's about Malcolm Himshoot who is an ordained pastor and trans. It's more about being trans (I love this movie) than being an ordained pastor but there are religious elements to this about seminary, his own pastor, his thoughts, and ends in his ordination.
--Jay
Thanks for those! I've glanced through that site once before, but I'll definitely take a deeper look. I'll also see if I can find that movie too. My RA is part of the queer and allies club here, so I might ask him for some help and advice on what to do too since he knows the school and the teachers and stuff.
Here's the movie Call Me Malcolm.
http://youtu.be/Sh4Pv10lFyc (http://youtu.be/Sh4Pv10lFyc)
It good to know and have other transguys you can talk too. ;D i'm christian but not strict, before i came out all i could think of that i was living in a lie, and now that I'm out and a male i no longer feel like i am.
After a 1 1/2 - 2 years of building up the courage I finally went to the monthly guys group in my county. It was awesome! It's great being able to talk about anything because you know they're dealing/ have dealt with the same stuff. And I realized how much I've learned about beig ftm, I felt like I had a lot of information to contribute which felt good. I disnt notice how much information I've really taken in these past two years. But going to the group definitely have me a boost of confidence and now I really want to meet guys like me nearby.
I've never understood why trans people feel the need to have trans friends. Just seems kinda pointless to me. I would never go out of my way to talk to someone trans, that fact just seems trivial in my mind. I guess it's just me, though.
I think it's great for you if it makes you happy, though. And it's really great that your school is so open-minded, I can imagine something like that would be so stressful going in. And while I'm not religious, I still don't think you should worry about such a thing. Do you believe that your god lets people into heaven based on their LGBT status/opinions, or because they're actually good people at heart? Because if I were going to believe in a god, I'd believe in a kind one that liked me for me, not my choices with my body. I would never believe in this spiteful god some of these Christian fanatics seem to have created, one who hates people based on who they fall in love with or their discontent with their born gender. Just a thought.
Quote from: D0LL on June 27, 2013, 11:35:09 AM
I've never understood why trans people feel the need to have trans friends. Just seems kinda pointless to me. I would never go out of my way to talk to someone trans, that fact just seems trivial in my mind. I guess it's just me, though.
There are some things I just don't feel comfortable talking to my brothers or cis male friends about. Like packer issues, binders, testosterone, shark week, and whether my hips and butt look girly.
Quote from: WileyCoyote on June 27, 2013, 12:03:31 PM
There are some things I just don't feel comfortable talking to my brothers or cis male friends about. Like packer issues, binders, testosterone, shark week, and whether my hips and butt look girly.
I guess I just don't talk about stuff to people. I just kinda keep my issues to myself. But when you say it like that I can see how others would enjoy having fellow trans friends for that reason.
Quote from: CursedFireDean on June 24, 2013, 08:01:43 PM
It's really awesome for me to finally know in real life another transguy, especially right after I had a crisis about being trans. (I'm a Christian, so sometimes I get worried I'm sinning. I feel like if being trans was wrong, God wouldn't have let me meet him right now.)
As uhh... never mind. all I know is this one quote I said to my mom. I took the source, so here it is.
"There is neither male nor female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus." -Galatians 3:28
"I do not judge as man judges. Man looks at the outward appearance, but I look at the heart" -1samuel 16:7
Hope you don't judge yourself too harshly.
-[Undecided]
Quote from: WileyCoyote on June 27, 2013, 12:03:31 PM
There are some things I just don't feel comfortable talking to my brothers or cis male friends about. Like packer issues, binders, testosterone, shark week, and whether my hips and butt look girly.
Same reason I like having a trans friend. I also like having someone who understands completely why some things bother me. I think there's just some times when cis-friends can't reach the same level of understanding.
Quote from: D0LL on June 27, 2013, 11:35:09 AM
I've never understood why trans people feel the need to have trans friends. Just seems kinda pointless to me. I would never go out of my way to talk to someone trans, that fact just seems trivial in my mind. I guess it's just me, though.
Well, you are here, aren't you? There is something in you that seeks out other trans folks. I know you're going to say you're talking about in real life, but the fact remains if you didn't see the point in conversing with others you wouldn't stick around.
I think for many of us there is a level of comfort associated with being around other transguys and especially so pre medical transition. There will always be acceptance and understanding that the cis world just would never be able to offer. This time next year I'll be done with transition (everything except bottom surgery) but I will always remain open to trans friends.
I don't exactly feel like I should be friends with other trans men simply because we're both trans. I did however go to a party about a week ago and there was one genderqueer person I had been talking to and their friend who was trans. We all spoke with each other about transition experiences, how we felt with other people, relationships, etc. and it was really nice to discuss things with people who understood part of my perspective. I really like the fact that we all had similar struggles, and frustrations. Now, most trans men I've met I don't get along with. We don't have much in common, and things are awkward...but when I find trans people I have a lot in common with I just want to hug the bajeezus out of them for understanding.
I really enjoy friendship/bro-hood with other transguys. It doesn't even matter what age they are but I feel there is a since of feeling that we're going thru the same journey and so on. It was awesome to be with thousands of trans folks in Philly a couple weeks ago. Usually we can find things in common, but there isn't always.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on June 27, 2013, 11:08:44 PM
Usually we can find things in common, but there isn't always.
That's true, I wouldn't be close friends with someone just because they were also trans. I think I would be more apt to get to know someone quicker if they were trans because there wouldn't be a wall there. I tend to keep cis people at a distance. I don't know any trans people where I live. I have two close friends and I've known them both since I was little. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. I don't know about you guys but for me it's hard to make friends as an adult and even more so as a trans person. It seems like when you get older people have responsibilities, are starting families, etc and friends fall to the wayside.
I dunno, maybe when things get a little better in my life and settle down I'll start a local trans group. I've thought about it before. Something like a monthly poker night or something where guys are getting together to do something besides just discuss the ins and outs of trans life.
I love your outlook concerning your faith and being trans. I am atheist myself, but knowing that someone can resolve a conflict that outsiders would see as inevitable is refreshing.
Quote from: Simon on June 27, 2013, 11:34:40 PM
I dunno, maybe when things get a little better in my life and settle down I'll start a local trans group. I've thought about it before. Something like a monthly poker night or something where guys are getting together to do something besides just discuss the ins and outs of trans life.
I am in a support group, but we do like to get together socially. We have parties and are actually going bowling tonight. Not big into bowling, but it is an awesome group of guys. Not that we are necessarily close friends, I'm not. Just enjoy being together.
--Jay
There seem to be a fair amount of transguys where I live now and a large support group of them too. Unfortunately I missed this month. They seem like a cool crowd and I'm not sure how I will react when I move south and I might not meet as many. I try not to rule anyone out if they are open-minded though. Just like cool, open-minded people regardless of gender and sexuality.