So ya still alive lol. I figured I'd... update I guess?
I suppose there isn't a whole lot to say other than the dysphoria has been pretty bad lately. Not sure how to cope with it entirely, so I've just buried myself in my video games.... Like a lot of video games... like seven games lol...
I don't know how to explain it right now. I had a chat with a friend of mine last night about it, and I suppose talking about it helped a bit, and she happens to be a transwoman herself so it was just nice to talk to someone who relates to it... Considering she's been there herself and still goes through it.
Like I know that one thing is certain... Whenever I go to bed lately I just notice it more than ever cause well being physically female I have a bigger chest than I'd like. They just feel so... in the way? I don't know how else to put it. Then I go to take a shower and I just try avoid the mirror altogether which is difficult since my bathroom is small and it's like... right there.
Though I suppose it's not all bad either. Most of my friends have gotten more use to things so have been referring to me with male pronouns which does make me smile and make me feel a bit better, and then when I play this multi-mass online RPG (Star Trek Online) no one in my fleet knows I was born female and just automatically assumed me male, which is normal in such video games, and that alone has been amazing.. Hard to explain really, I mean I am a man, and I feel like a man, so it's just nice that people who don't actually have to see me or know me much more than just in that game world...
Well ya it's been nice. I'm really bad at explaining things lol
My mom and I are on a silent agreement that we don't bring up that I am trans, and I'm ok with this for now... I'd rather finish college at this point so that I can have a good job and make enough money to get out of the basement and live on my own again. Also so I can do my transition without worrying if I'll get kicked out or not. Then she can have her fit all she wants... I mean it's not that I wish ill on my mother, she just lives in this little box of what she thinks the world is and for now I have to go by that. It sucks but... so long as I don't end up homeless and or having to drop out of school. I'd rather not do either of those things.
I just want college to start up again so I can resume seeing my councilor since it's free while the semester is going. And my therapist has been pretty good about listening to all this even though she herself has never encountered a trans person in this manner. She's rather new on how to help with it but she's done really well so far by doing her own research so that she can help me better.
Anyways, that's the long and short... I don't know what more to really say without just rambling and saying the same thing in different words lol.
Oh on a last note I think I came up with a middle name finally. Jerred Kade would be my first and middle. lol suppose the curiosity on that is if it sounds well together.
Thanks for the update! I thought it was funny that you said this about your Mom:
"she just lives in this little box of what she thinks the world is"
after saying this about yourself:
"Not sure how to cope with it entirely, so I've just buried myself in my video games"
Everyone has their box, it seems. Hugs, Devlyn
Jerred,
I'm glad to see your still alive! :) I've been wondering how you were. I've buried myself in games too and my mom is very upset as well. So I can relate. Unfortunately, she isn't so silent because I'm already on hormones. It sounds like you have a plan. That's great. You'll get there in time.
By the way, I love the middle name.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 25, 2013, 08:52:49 PM
Thanks for the update! I thought it was funny that you said this about your Mom:
"she just lives in this little box of what she thinks the world is"
after saying this about yourself:
"Not sure how to cope with it entirely, so I've just buried myself in my video games"
Everyone has their box, it seems. Hugs, Devlyn
Never really thought about it but you have a point lol. My box is video games, I really can't deny it
Quote from: learningtolive on June 25, 2013, 08:55:18 PM
Jerred,
I'm glad to see your still alive! :) I've been wondering how you were. I've buried myself in games too and my mom is very upset as well. So I can relate. Unfortunately, she isn't so silent because I'm already on hormones. It sounds like you have a plan. That's great. You'll get there in time.
By the way, I love the middle name.
lol thanks.
Ya it'll take about.. three and a half years for me to finish my degree give or take, but I'm hoping that when it's over I can find a good job so I may start my transition
If you can wait, that's cool. It's good to have it all planned out. If you don't mind me asking, what's your degree going to be in? Don't make my mistake and aim in the social sciences. I love my field, but grad school is necessary to get anywhere worth while.
Desktop and Network Support will be my degree. Already a computer nerd may as well get paid for it lol
Heya Jerred,
Really happy to hear you are keepin' on keeping on. I've been thinking about you, hoping you're alright. Keep us updated, and remember I'm around if you need to chat or get in a bind.
Quote from: ford on June 25, 2013, 09:30:27 PM
Heya Jerred,
Really happy to hear you are keepin' on keeping on. I've been thinking about you, hoping you're alright. Keep us updated, and remember I'm around if you need to chat or get in a bind.
Thanks man. I admit I've isolated myself a bit in recent weeks when I really shouldn't...
Quote from: Jerred1985 on June 25, 2013, 09:14:07 PM
Desktop and Network Support will be my degree. Already a computer nerd may as well get paid for it lol
You should do fine in that field once you find a starting point. Good luck. :)
I know what you mean about computer games Jerred, I used to get so engrossed into World of Warcraft! It almost felt like i was suspending reality, pushing real life issues down the pecking order somewhat. Ofc that can only last so long i suppose...
Quote from: Bardoux on June 26, 2013, 04:40:30 AM
I know what you mean about computer games Jerred, I used to get so engrossed into World of Warcraft! It almost felt like i was suspending reality, pushing real life issues down the pecking order somewhat. Ofc that can only last so long i suppose...
Well if it can last long enough till the next semester begins so that I am so busy I don't know what's what I'm ok with that lol