I made a big mistake. You probably know my big secret. I am a transsexual girl. On Tuesday I was casually in conversation with a friend, James when i mentioned i had a big dark secret I tell no one. Well, he kept on harassing me and asking for the answer. Another one of my friends, Tamara walked past and she heard James begging to know. I trusted Tamara and told her I was TRANSSEXUAL. Well, a few hours passed and it was now lunchtime. Crystal (Tamara's best friend and my crush) got back from in school suspernsion and hanged out with Tamara for the remainder of the day. She then began to brag about knowing the secret. I saw Crystal on the otherside of the quad staring at me and smiling. She then asked for the secret. I refused to tell her. The nshe guessed. She asked, "are you a ->-bleeped-<-." Okay. When someone says this you have to tell them the truth. I said, "No, I am TRANSSEXUAL." I'm not sure if Tamara told her or I guessed. Anyway, Its flamboyantly obvious. I'm pretty feminine at school, (ESPECIALLY AROUND FEMALES). I think she was a bit disgusted because she probably realised I like her in a lesbian way which is TRUE. Okay, here's the worst part. She ran down to see Tamara who was hanging around with some older guys. Then Tamara asked what happened. Crystal blurted it out loudly and then Tamara laughed and the boys started staring at my body and saying sexual things. i ran away and hid behind a tree. One of the teachers told me i was out of bounds so i ran to D Block toilets and Tamara caught a glimpse and followed. Tamara caught me and I forgot what happened. She said she was sorry. Tamara is a nice girl. We walked back down to the quad and there I saw her. it was that filthy hoe, Crystal standing on a ledge smiling with a cup concealing her evil grin. I got angry and asked for her to remove the cup. She ended up laughing her head off then I shouted, "YOUR GOING ON MY SUICIDE NOTE!" Crystal then ran to the teacher to dob on her even though she did the damage. i got really scared and offered her oral sex and that made it even worse. She walked to the year advisors room and dobbed me in. I got into trouble and had to see a school councilor who has no understanding of transsexualism and he thought it was just a phase. A few days later my friend, Oak punched me so I told my year advisor. He took advantage of it and decided to dob in all the bad things I did over the term (mainly attention seeking stuff), I walked home knowing it was holidays and when I got home my mum was on the couch and she was so pissed. She told me she knew all the bad things I did and the teacher even told her my transsexual stuff. My mum told me i was a BOY and it was just a phase. I was almost in tears then I went into my room and cried. I'm now grounded and my parents criticise me every time I tell them I'm trans and they will not let me be femme. HELP. I feel suicidal and I want to castrate myself every single day. I cannot handle it anymore. HELP
PS
I feel like suicide every day :(
This is why it is important to see a professional councilor.
You will never become the girl you want to be, if you snuff out the boy's body that holds her inside. Rather than being reactive to those around you, who do not understand you, be proactive and seek out help. If you have to call the suicide hotline for Australia.
Lifeline
13 11 14
Charged as a local call; toll-free for mobile phones; available 24/7.
Samaritans
1-800-198 -313
Toll-free but may not be available 24/7.
08-9381-5555
Available 24/7 but may not be free.
Suicide Call Back Service
1300-659-467
Charged as a local call; available 24/7.
There is no sense in cutting, or otherwise harming yourself. It can all get better, but you need to take the initiative.
Lily, please take the time to read this too.
http://www.suicideprevention.com.au/main/?id=8 (http://www.suicideprevention.com.au/main/?id=8)
Though I am not Australian, I am a parent, and I am willing to talk about things, if you wish.
Your friends and "friends" haven't reacted right and your parents aren't being appropriate either. But you need to understand; of coirse they wouldn't take this seriously as it was blurted out in a weird context and reported to them the way a nasty rumour is.
Many, many parents tell themselves what their child is going through is a phase when they don't like it. It's a defense mechanism. "I don't know what I would do of this were the case. It must be a phase." I cannot deal with it, therefore it must be false. We all do it from time to time.
Once you manage to calm down and regain the ability to discuss it seriously (as mentioned above, a free listening phone line is a good option), your next move should probably be to go see your parents and discuss it in an adult and calm way. I'm sorry, but so far, the way you've dealt with this has been quite typically childish, teenager-like. And true, teenager do have phases. I still remember my white magic and demon hunting phase very well, as well as how it made my mother think I might have had psychosis.
Talk to them maturely, calmly. Possibly, be even more mature than they are. Ask them why they think it might be a phase, and attempt to explain to them how real and important the issue is. Asking questions is generally the way psychologists do things. I'm not an expert, but I think it gives a mature impression, and is going to lead to fruitful conversation more than an accusative approach (YOU think it's a phase, etc.)