Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Just wondering how many members suffer with this and whether it may be more common in people on the trans spectrum (not that the poll would show this).

Maybe I'm just hoping to feel less alone. I've got to get over this, and all attempts at forcing myself to by thrusting myself into highly stressful situations (for me, such as door to door salesmanship) have been unsuccessful. It's a factor in my drinking and drug use. And really hindering virtually every aspect of my life from financial to social. I seem fine and even likable and gregarious to people when really I'm just looking around for an exit. I actually come off pretty well in interviews and first meetings but never know how to relate to the person after that. I make good first impressions and never know what to do afterward.

It's gotten to the point where I've got to be drunk to go to the doctor or hairdresser. I've cut down a lot on my drinking, but one visit to the doctor...
And I'm drinking today because of the holiday weekend I find myself thrust into social situations. When I've been really good at not drinking for a month.

And people end up liking me and thinking that I'm actually the opposite to what I am - someone talkative and funny - and uh no. Actually that's me trying to ease my tension. What I'm really doing is searching for the exit...

Basically, I do fine in social settings when I'm actually there - drunk, high, or not. But actually getting in the car, going up to the door - it's torture. And it doesn't happen unless I'm forced to do it. Which means anything that would further me career-wise or socially doesn't happen unless I have no choice.

And no, therapy hasn't helped and I'm done going down the road. I have a few theories on why I have social anxiety - the way girls treated me, the trans issues, stealth issues - but most bizarrely, the first time I noticed social anxiety was after a friend's death. And then later, it got worse after my partner's death. And I really haven't gotten over this last one. I think trans issues, passing worries (which are behind me now but it was very uncomfortable for me going through that androgynous in-between stage) and stealth issues have compounded it. But the death of someone I'm close to seems to trigger it. I really don't know what that has to do with social anxiety other than the fact I suddenly didn't want to go out at all or be seen following the deaths.

Anyway, thanks for listening even though I'll probably be mortified I even posted this...

Big hug! I don't see anything out of the ordinary there, chief.  You're dealing with the same issues a lot of people face, and in a similar fashion. There, now we can move forward, right? Hugs, Devlyn

I get very uptight and can't function socialy as a boy
I can the bare minimum such as work...talking to
A clerk...but a social group

Make me a girl and bam!!! Social butterfly

Oh, don't feel bad man.  :icon_hug:

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
I seem fine and even likable and gregarious to people when really I'm just looking around for an exit. I actually come off pretty well in interviews and first meetings but never know how to relate to the person after that. I make good first impressions and never know what to do afterward.

I can relate to what you said quoted above, like at work I don't really know what to say when I client comes in and jokes with me sometimes, and it's taken me about a year just to feel comfortable with myself at work. Though, I don't think I have social anxiety, I just think I am a little weird sometimes. I am one of those people who would rather be quite and listen to those around me, figure out how they behave, and then do I start coming out a bit more. It just takes me awhile to get used to people sometimes -- well with people that matter (like my bosses, or co-workers). I am perfectly comfortable at stores or on the train.

I have social dysphoria which gives me a large amount of anxiety when leaving a place that I consider as safe. I can't bring myself to go to a pool, I get very anxious at the mall, and in some cases I can't bring myself to go somewhere due to an irrational unnameable fear.

Sort of. I don't have a diagnosis of social anxiety, nor do I think I should. I do, however, know how it feels to get anxious in/about social situations. I'm on the autism spectrum, and I often have a very hard time processing what's going on in social situations, which can make being social pretty exhausting and overwhelming. As a result, I tend to get pretty anxious about social situations that are long, crowded, or high-pressure (basically anything that ups the amount of processing ability I'll need to survive it).

I can usually prevent a lot of my anxiety about social situations by balancing out social-time with alone-time. If I've had time to relax my brain and recharge my energy with an evening of reading or a solitary hike in the woods, I get a lot less anxious and overwhelmed around people. My anxiety is obviously coming from a different place than a lot of other people with social anxiety, though, so it would stand to reason that my strategy isn't going to work for everyone.

I have been diagnosed with it.I have my nephew's wedding to go to and am dreading itThe thought of going to a bar or club is so stressful I won't even consider going there. I don't like going to different places and stick to the same area,I've been out of Blackpool twice this year.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/ (http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/)

Idk if I would be diagnosed with it or if I have anything like the clinical def of it, but I do get pretty anxious in some social settings.  I have a couple of the "thought" symptoms and a few of the "behavior symtoms" but really none of the others.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to have some of those symptoms and I feel for anybody that does.

I think pretty much all of my axieties come from being trans.  I spent over 30 years uncomfortable in the gender role I was supposed to fit into, and horribly uncomfortable with my body and it wreaked havoc on my self-confidence.  Now I'm closer to being in the natural role for myself, but I have carried that lack of confidence with me to this side.  The way I used to cope was to fade into the wallpaper and not be seen.  I used to dream about being inside of a box where I could be in the room with people but they couldn't see me.  That would have been perfect.  I think a lot of that was hating being treated like a boy by people.  MMmmm probably all of it actually.

Now, in transition, I'm 6'2", blonde and when I walk in the room heads always seem to turn.  It's impossible for me to be a wallflower as a woman, and with my low self image, half the time I assume people look because they can tell I'm trans and that makes me feel so nervous.  I kind of just feel like a monster half the time and it makes me just want to stay inside where nobody can see me, even though I actually am really social and love being with people and talking with them more than anything else.  Staying inside is the most unhealthy thing in the world for me because I am not a natural recluse or hermit.  I feel like I'm tearing myself in half, one side feeling like frankenstein and not wanting to be seen, the other going crazy wanting to be with people and to talk and laugh and gossip,etc.  You know, like do FUN things?

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
... really hindering virtually every aspect of my life from financial to social. I seem fine and even likable and gregarious to people when really I'm just looking around for an exit. I actually come off pretty well in interviews and first meetings but never know how to relate to the person after that. I make good first impressions and never know what to do afterward. 

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
I have a few theories on why I have social anxiety - the way girls treated me, the trans issues, stealth issues - but most bizarrely, the first time I noticed social anxiety was after a friend's death. And then later, it got worse after my partner's death. And I really haven't gotten over this last one.

You aren't alone in this.  I've had social anxiety all of my life and it has been severely limiting for me.
I think it stems from growing up trans in an age where I had every reason to be socially anxious and careful around people.  It seems like the younger you are, the harder this is to shake when you get older.

The only thing I've found that helped was taking acting classes.  I'm still as uncomfortable as all hell in front of people, but at least I can manage.

Basically... I don't trust people to be nice to me or to accept me and I've never had an intimate friend, even amongst my former spouses and lovers. I've learned not to share my thoughts and emotions with people and I have a very difficult time making attachments.   I think that's why, in those rare cases where I do find someone I can open up to, it's so devastating when they leave.   Most people are more open with their hair stylist than I am with my 'friends'.  Losing someone I can talk to honestly is a major blow for me.

Anyway... that's probably more than I'm comfortable sharing.  I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling alone.

I can function as a guy, but I do try and watch what I saw so that my girl side does not poke through too much. My friends think I am weird, so I can get away with a good bit of stuff out of the norm. That is the only real time I am comfortable.

Growing up, I was a shy kid. My mother believed that if I just faced my fears I would work through them.

I have my own theory.

I think my social anxiety came from being socially awkward. It was a perfectly rational response to the fact that I was bad at predicting the effects my actions and words would have on people so I was frequently embarrassed by saying the wrong thing or being called out for acting inappropriately.

I also think I never learned to forgive myself for doing embarrassing things. It was a personal shortcoming (I mean, it really sort of is), a reminder that I was a flawed human being.

Now that I'm more comfortable with myself, my social anxiety is not gone. Nor am I better at regaling and repartee. What is gone is the self-recriminations and embarrassment. If I say the wrong thing, I can tell myself I'm not required to be perfect. If people do not  return my overtures, I don't take it personally. This makes it a bit easier to insert myself into social situations with people I don't know.

I still suffer from having to filter my words carefully because I need to consider how what I say will be taken. This means I can't just let my speech flow openly and limits my social experiences to people who are patient enough to get to know me.

It's been a frustration. I think I would be a happier person if I found social interactions more natural.

I have heavy issues with it. I only had one friend in my whole life so far, because i don't know how to talk to people. I can only get over it on the internet and when talking to just the right persons personality-wise. I'm kind of glad i don't have to attend the award ceremony for something i've won, even if the reason for that is not a nice one (suicide attempt last week).

A van crashed into me while I was riding a moped because I was convinced that people would be getting angry at me at the junction if I waited for it to pass when I wasn't sure if it was too close.  And I won't pay with coins at tills because it takes too long, and I'm paying too much on my phonebill because I can't face calling them up to cancel part of it.

I get on okay at work though, despite saying the exact same thing to every table unless I know them well-ish.

So I don't think I'm entirely "right", but I'd not go so far as to say I had social anxiety, or at least, not severely.

I use to and it was bad. But After treatment it went away sort of speak

Definitely. But how much depends on certain factors. The worst is being in a large room full of unfriendly-seeming people and not having a clear idea what I should do. Lately I just leave when that happens rather than dealing with the anxiety and social awkwardness- I.E. me being bad at striking up conversations with random people all that.

Yes, I have it. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder by a therapist when I was just going to them to get my letter for T, lol. Remember when I was telling you I'd like to meet up but can't just sit and talk to someone? I have to be doing some sort of activity to feel comfortable socializing? That's exactly why.

The strange thing about me is I know I'm easy to get along with. Everyone always says I'm laid back and for the most part I am. I have a hard time talking with people face to face...unless I'm drinking or stoned (which is rare). The other way I've found to deal with it is be actively doing something that diverts my attention away from having a new person around me. Once I get comfortable with someone I'm a lot better about things but that takes awhile.

I've always been a quiet person. I kinda live in my head for the most part. It's hard getting to know people when you're an introvert. I don't take any sort of psychiatric medication now though and feel a lot better since I've been on T. Just working on it. This and forgiving people. Once someone crosses me deliberately they're dead to me. I'm really working on forgiveness.

"Social anxiety" is what started me looking into my mental health. I've always had a hard time making and keeping friends; first I'm too damn scared to go up to somebody and say "Hi!", unless there's an associate who is talking to them just prior...then I have an "excuse" to go up to them.

Then after the first "Hi!"...then what? Do I say my interests, or get them to talk about theirs? What if they don't want to talk about their interests, and/or turn me down flat? What interests do I have? Or did I have? Why am I looking at my feet, or the walls, or my drink...

Then they get bored. I have *never*, in my life, ever had anyone say, "Golly! You're very interesting! I want your phone number!" Or, "Wow! You're HOT! I would like to F**K you tonight!" or anything in-between. Almost always they just say, "Well, it's been interesting, but I have to go now." (Which I read as, "you're frikkin' an odd one, you are!")

WTF, over? I don't drink (much--two drinks and I'm done), I don't curse, I respect the other person, I work hard with a good income, have a working car... ???

I've tried changing things, tried reading people, etc. It doesn't matter. I have no idea what is wrong. Being TS solved the "I feel terrible about being a guy" when I'm at home, or doing errands...but making friends? Didn't touch it.

I'm getting to the point where I hate living. Especially since my kids and ex are so damn adamant that I ruined their lives, and in fact want me out of theirs. I have no other human contacts.

I love my work. It gives me some hope that I'll be able to get the surgeries I need...and if I play my budget right, I can afford therapy before SRS as well.

But in the meantime...I have to take life one day at a time, one hour at a time. One moment at a time, sometimes.

All I want is to hold a hand. To share some little moment of my life with another person's life-moment, to give me a sense that I'm worth it.

Ehh...this is probably beyond the topic. Hope all of you are doing well. I'll be fine, "this too shall pass."

I haven't really been diagnosed with social anxiety nor do I think I actually have it in some "true" form but I'm certainly pretty awkward in situations which require social interraction, IRL or in the internet.

I was evaluated by a psychologist as a part of the examination process of my transition and he wrote down something about my social habits.
Experiencing shyness and nervousness and being easily withdrawn to "protect" myself in social situations are typical for me, as well as partially deficient social skills due to immaturity.
None of those are really helpful in social situations... No wonder I'm awkward to the point I acknowledge it myself and become anxious about it because I think I come off as an obnoxious and annoying person. :(

I don't have social anxiety, but I was diagnosed with something as a teenager which includes having trouble getting close to people and trust issues. I have no idea if I really have it or not, but I do know I have trouble socially and no amount of time will get rid of my trust issues.

Quote from: FitterAdminlink=topic=144130.msg1176756#msg1176756 date=1373137149And people end up liking me and thinking that I'm actually the opposite to what I am

I have a problem with this too. It's become a habit to act as normal as possible.

Quote from: FitterAdminlink=topic=144130.msg1176756#msg1176756 date=1373137149Anyway, thanks for listening even though I'll probably be mortified I even posted this...

Yeah me too.

I do, but I have bipolar disorder -  my anxiety is usually crippling, but it goes the complete other direction when moods shift.

I over think every interaction I have with another person because I am convinced I said something wrong or acted in a weird way. I always think I am misinterpreted....which leads to it happening even if it wasn't initially.

I have no interest in friendships because I am afraid I will just mess it up somehow. 

It started in full force right around when I turned 25, though it was always sorta there. Now, I can't even work with other people directly - luckily, I have a skill set that is suited to telecommuting and freelance contracts. I tried to get a normal job to get out of the house, but I ended up quitting after less than 2 weeks because I couldn't handle being around other people.

Sometimes, I even have anxiety issues posting to forums, and I can't do anything on social networks.

Quote from: Fitter Admin on July 06, 2013, 01:59:09 PM
Anyway, thanks for listening even though I'll probably be mortified I even posted this...

I'll end my post agreeing with this because I feel exactly this way right now. I will probably end up deleting it.

Hugs,

I started stuttering and stammering at age 6 or 7. I am 98% over it but it was so difficult and growing up I was definitely traumatized from it and how I was treated.

Trans and gay and growing up in a bigoted ultra conservative catholic environment. I felt so dirty.

Friends were very few growing up and they moved on. I have my wife and daughter and work acquaintances ( very few 3 perhaps).

There are very very few pictures of me growing up because I did not want my pic taken and I am in not social situations where a pic was taken.

I saw a movie this weekend where the one character said to the other you only had 2 people sign your year book. That was 1 more than me. No proms or dates in HS or grade school. I tried to go to a school dances but it was an absolute horrible experience.

College, chose a science major and studied a lot, by myself.

Met my wife in a bar. I was by myself, drunk and 28. It was an absolute dive where alkies go. I had not been with a person for 6 years, she (does not drink) was assertive, and took an interest in me and she was super friendly and genuinely nice. To this day I can not believe I called her but she was really a nice person and I wanted to be with her and still do.

Death of loved ones is difficult. I dreamt, just a few days ago, I was walking with my Mom and I had my arm around her shoulder and we were happy and talking; she died 2.5 years ago. I had a very difficult year after she died. It takes my breath away.

Social situations are intense, especially when you know very few or no one there. It is almost impossible for me to walk up to a stranger and talk. I would much rather make an appearance and leave.

What helps me is thinking positive thoughts, having a plan, executing the plan and then reviewing successes and opportunities for next time. Therapy and Susan's Place have helped me greatly in thinking about the painful things, sharing, expressing and hopefully helping each other.

You may be lonely but you are definitely not alone.

Pretty much everything I've read in this thread so far applies to my own life experience.  I would however like to ask something to all of you who've experienced strong and consistent anxiety.  Has your anxiety been focused primarily on specific situations or has it been relatively un-focused?  One major breakthrough I had in improving my daily life was in realising that a lot of how I physically felt in terms of anxiety-like symptoms was actually a baseline state which had little to do with the actual emotions or mental presence of anxiety.  In other words, I could separate a lot of my physical discomfort from actual situation-specific anxiety or fear.  For most of my life I believed I was afraid of almost everything and everyone.  Then it finally occurred to me that I simply felt like crap anyway and that true anxiety or social fear was a step above and beyond that.  Certainly starting at a higher baseline discomfort level has made legitimately stressful situations significantly more uncomfortable than it would be for a 'normal' individual.  This discovery did however allow me to 're-calibrate my anxiety meter' so that I can be much more mentally realistic about how I feel about any specific moment or event.  Whether I have constant anxiety present or if it's just a nervous system running constantly with the pedal to the floor is something for a doctor to decide.  Either way I've learned to separate event-based anxiety from everything else.

Yeah, sometimes I'll just randomly have trouble breathing in public because of the anxiety. It's embarrassing. But I've come to be able to get past the "OMG I am suffocating" feeling, and just keep breathing until it passes.

Quote from: SunKat on July 06, 2013, 04:09:00 PM
You aren't alone in this.  I've had social anxiety all of my life and it has been severely limiting for me.
I think it stems from growing up trans in an age where I had every reason to be socially anxious and careful around people.  It seems like the younger you are, the harder this is to shake when you get older.

The only thing I've found that helped was taking acting classes.  I'm still as uncomfortable as all hell in front of people, but at least I can manage.

Basically... I don't trust people to be nice to me or to accept me and I've never had an intimate friend, even amongst my former spouses and lovers. I've learned not to share my thoughts and emotions with people and I have a very difficult time making attachments.   I think that's why, in those rare cases where I do find someone I can open up to, it's so devastating when they leave.   Most people are more open with their hair stylist than I am with my 'friends'.  Losing someone I can talk to honestly is a major blow for me.

Anyway... that's probably more than I'm comfortable sharing.  I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling alone.

I'm right there with you SunKat, since kindergarten I was socially awkward and it turned into some hardcore anxiety real quick. I always have trouble telling people how I feel (0.05% of the time, the rest I just stay reserved to avoid drama) When around people I don't know (parties,mall,etc) I find myself feeling very stressful as if everyone is judging me for some reason.  On top of this I barley ever talk to new people. I always struggle to hold casual conversation unless I already know a person and their interests, It's probably my biggest downfall.

I had it as a teenager alongside Major Depression, and I think the things that helped me the most were pushing myself out of my comfort zone gradually (going to university in another country helped a ton), learning CBT techniques for catching my anxious thought loops, and going on an SSRI. I still have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and a fair amount of agonizing about social situations, but now it isn't paralyzing and social interactions aren't quite as draining.

I wonder how many trans people experience significant social anxiety. I know that being trans and having internalized transphobia made me feel from a very young age like I was different in a bad way that no one would understand. I put up walls between myself and others-- I believed for a long time that I was only capable of having one good friend (who I could trust). While that made me less vulnerable in some ways, it also meant that there was no real reality check for my assumption that everyone hated me like I hated myself.

Well, talking to my therapist yesterday, she does think that I'm dealing with some social anxiety... because I seem to have a really hard time even trying things because I have an issue with feeling shame and feeling scared whenever I imagine other people looking at me.

Forced myself to go to a new bar tonight,I was OK when I got there and enjoyed it more  than I expected.It might not sound much but it was a big thing for me to do as it was out of my usual area I travel to.

I get some social anxiety, but I don't think it excessively affects me. I do tend to be a bit shy and find social interaction awkward at times. But I don't get obsessively anxious about how others may be judging me. Sure I think about it, but probably not any more than the next person.

Now, I do expect that when I go full time that I'll have a lot more anxiety about how others will treat me, especially during the transitional phase when passing is difficult. But ultimately, it all comes down to my happiness with how I see myself--for which I'm willing to deal with any obtuse blockheads out there that are going to react to me negatively.

Yes, i do. It's crippling offline.

Kinda' sorta'. To me it's more like social claustraphobia. I don't really care what people think, say or react to me but in social situations I start feeling like people are closing in on me. If that makes sense. I have quite a few friends but very very few people know me on a personal level or my true personality. It is lonely but I like being alone so it hasn't caused me any really big problems yet.

Used to have it, but not as bad as before anymore. I still have a long road until being socially fully functional, but on words of my colleagues, I've changed a lot. Transitioning has helped me a lot with overcoming some things, speacilly in terms of self-image.

Still medicated for anxiety and depression, though.

I don't know if I can call it anxiety,  but I am very afraid when entering a room where are more people that I don't know well. I usually feel fear,  don't know how to behave correctly and thinking about how they percieve me, that brings me a lot of stress. And I don't know what to say to the new people I meet,  I usually stop conversation very soon. I am ok with friends that I know well,  no problems with them.

Quote from: SaveMeJeebus on July 10, 2013, 05:54:37 AM
Yes, i do. It's crippling offline.

Online is just as bad sometimes.  The shift to real names from anonymity everywhere is hard to deal with. Plus, anyway you interact with others on a site is potentially displayed indefinitely and out of your control.

People expect you to be on social networks, and when you're not, it can even create communication problems with people you have to interact with on something for work or school. Facebook terrifies me for so many reasons.

Quote from: spacerace on July 10, 2013, 08:34:24 PM
Online is just as bad sometimes.  The shift to real names from anonymity everywhere is hard to deal with. Plus, anyway you interact with others on a site is potentially displayed indefinitely and out of your control.

People expect you to be on social networks, and when you're not, it can even create communication problems with people you have to interact with on something for work or school. Facebook terrifies me for so many reasons.

I still have my moments online, but i have grown up being online sooo much, so i have gotten used to it- changed quite a bit. I don't really use Facebook (I removed people that knew me from school, but only as they didn't really bother talking to me), Skype, or Chat rooms; I'm not great with instant messaging.

Yes I have social anxiety. I was never officially diagnosed with it, although my therapist did hint at it and asked if I'd ever thought about going on benzo's or other anti-anxiety medication. (Would never do that though)

I don't make good first impressions because I barely speak. At job interviews and such, I don't seem enthusiastic or interested. I've been at my current job for almost 2 years and I still hardly talk to anyone. I work extremely hard and am polite so everyone loves me, but most don't know a thing about me. On average I make 1 new friend a year, even though I meet new people all the time. I never initiate conversations with people, and only after I've met someone about 10 times do I feel comfortable chatting to them. I hate going to parties because I don't like being surrounded by new people and I always end up just over-analyzing everything I say or do. If I'm drinking, I let my guard down a little bit and am able to talk more, but then when I wake up I feel awful about saying whatever it was, even though it's always fine and everyone else probably forgot.

Online it's the same story. I mean, I joined this site over 5 years ago and still only have about 400 posts. It took me years to even feel comfortable posting here, on a site where no one knows me! And still I go through phases that last a few months of not coming here at all, usually induced by randomly feeling super awkward about some random post I made or something. I've been a member of another online community since 2006 and it's the same story there.

It took me an incredibly long time to type this since I keep going back, re-writing things, reading it over and over. Trying to decide if I should even post it. That's how it is with every post I make though.

I've been given medication a few times over the years, but I always think "I don't need them..." Lol

Passing as male has helped quite a bit, as a lot of my anxiety was "they see a girl, that's because I'm in a girl's body, I look like a girl, because I was born in the wrong body, I'll never be a man...." But now, as I am seen as a teenager, I have all those teenage insecurities. I live a few blocks away from TWO Junior High schools, so there's teenagers everywhere to be seen. And I know which kid I'd have been if I was in high school like this. The fat, awkward, nerdy boy. LOL. Truthfully, my fear is to get beaten up by some kids who think I go to their school, or to get "tittie twisters" like my brother did when he was in school. I've got a lot of tit to twist. :P

Something that really helped me was talking to a counsellor last year. I remember mentioning the anxiety and she said "Why?" I said "I'm scared that people will see me as scared and awkward and take advantage of me for that. I feel sort of marked." She sort of sat back and said "Why didn't you mention this to me? I had no idea you had social anxiety. You make appropriate eye contact, you're so well-spoken, you're always smiling. I know that doesn't negate that you feel social anxiety, but you don't appear scared or awkward at all, and I'm really surprised to hear that you believe you see yourself that way. Have you ever considered that the way you perceive yourself may not be how others perceive you?"

That was a breakthrough for me, in more ways than just social anxiety. It brought it to my attention that I had a lot of blind spots when it came to myself. That perhaps, I did not know myself as well as I thought, that I judged myself without knowing the full picture.

Quote from: SaveMeJeebus on July 11, 2013, 05:19:53 AM
I still have my moments online, but i have grown up being online sooo much, so i have gotten used to it- changed quite a bit. I don't really use Facebook (I removed people that knew me from school, but only as they didn't really bother talking to me), Skype, or Chat rooms; I'm not great with instant messaging.

I actually have been accepted by quite a few friends from school, totally rejected by my "family"  my mother will only talk to me once a year and misgenders me but these people truly accept me, completely unlike what happened back when I was going to school. what a difference 35 years makes!

as far as socially - I have aspergers - so I am pretty socially inept. makes making friend almost impossible. and drive up anxiety

I think I have it, as well as GAD, though the symptoms aren't nearly as bad as GAD. When I meet new people, I too, rarely say the first word, and if I see someone I WANT to talk to...better find a way to make them talk to me first. Very difficult. If I do have to say something first, boy is the heart pumping. Eating lunch/dinner with people can be tough, even close friends at times. Shopping for anything isn't very fun. I know others don't care about me (from what I've been told by others :P ) but I can't stop myself from thinking what they think of me.

It got worse in 8th grade. When I was younger, the self conscious part of the brain didn't really kick in yet so I was fine. I still had it but it only manifested itself as being a shy kid.

I'm another one with social anxiety which I'm sure has had something to do with my eating disorders.

Being trans, overweight and homeless didn't help, nor did being harrassed by hostel staff or being sexually assaulted by someone when i was in the hostel. I came out of the hostel with a phobia of black people which took me over a year to recover from as a result.

Working in the performing arts isn't always easy. Casting calls and auditions are a nightmare, and even when I'm working with actors I know a shoot or a rehearsal usually is preceded by a sleepless night, if not two.

I hate crowds, parties, street markets, and so on. Supermarkets on a Saturday are a complete no no.

People coming into my home is also really stressful for me. I have an ongoing relationship with the man who comes to read my gas meter and quite often I switch my entryphone off because I don't like the thought of unannounced callers.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder at 16, along side PTSD. 

For me, puberty came several years sooner than my peers.  It didn't take long for my (large) chest to become an open target of ridicule among my peers.  They often had a good laugh at my expense.  The dang things caused me enough inner turmoil as it was without that.

Once PTSD was added to the mix; the social anxiety crippled my life (for nearly a decade) & I very reluctantly became a house spouse to avoid interacting with the world beyond my front door.  My fear was always "Is everyone staring at me?  Will they laugh at me?".  The event that caused the PTSD added another question "Will they hurt me?".

*hugs* to everyone having a hard time right now.   :icon_bunch:

I was about 14-15 when my counselor at school said, "if I didn't know you better, I'd swear you were just off the boat!"

I asked what she meant, and she said, "Like the vietnam vets...they have DSS (what PTSD used to be called--delayed stress syndrome) and you are, in many ways, just like them (in terns of heightened awareness, always looking for the next "tripwire", etc)..."

I still am like that...if I let my guard down, I tend to get too careless.

eta: speelingk airears

Quote from: Kyle on July 19, 2013, 07:00:46 PM

For me, puberty came several years sooner than my peers.  It didn't take long for my (large) chest to become an open target of ridicule among my peers.  They often had a good laugh at my expense.  The dang things caused me enough inner turmoil as it was without that.

Wow that sounds awful.  :(

It wasn't fun.  Yet, as much as I hated it while in the situation(s), I've come to value those experiences & others like them. 

While I sat stalled in my life, affected by my social anxiety, all I could see was my own anger and sorrow.  Once that fog began to clear, I started to feel the appreciation I had learned for simple kindnesses.  So many little (& big) things in life are overlooked or taken for granted and yet, not only do they matter; sometimes they are the difference between life and death (or happiness and anguish) to others.

Those experiences also taught me a lot about how to treat others or how *not* to treat others, as the case may be.

I've come to think of it like this: 
Life gave me a huge pile of manure & several options.  I can choose to wallow in it & carry the stink of deeds long since passed, effectively ensuring I remain alone; I can choose to make explosives & inflict pain upon those around me, hurting guilty and innocent alike; or I can choose to fertilize and grow a garden, which will provide both food and beauty to share with my community.

Personally, I'm going with the latter choice.   :D  Also, I apologize if I just derailed your thread.

Quote from: Kyle on July 19, 2013, 09:42:35 PM
It wasn't fun.  Yet, as much as I hated it while in the situation(s), I've come to value those experiences & others like them. 

While I sat stalled in my life, affected by my social anxiety, all I could see was my own anger and sorrow.  Once that fog began to clear, I started to feel the appreciation I had learned for simple kindnesses.  So many little (& big) things in life are overlooked or taken for granted and yet, not only do they matter; sometimes they are the difference between life and death (or happiness and anguish) to others.

Those experiences also taught me a lot about how to treat others or how *not* to treat others, as the case may be.

I've come to think of it like this: 
Life gave me a huge pile of manure & several options.  I can choose to wallow in it & carry the stink of deeds long since passed, effectively ensuring I remain alone; I can choose to make explosives & inflict pain upon those around me, hurting guilty and innocent alike; or I can choose to fertilize and grow a garden, which will provide both food and beauty to share with my community.

Personally, I'm going with the latter choice.   :D  Also, I apologize if I just derailed your thread.

Not at all. Good comments.  :)

I feel a lot of the exact same pressures and anxiety when placed in the same situations.  I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing but more a personality thing. But then again I'm not a psychiatrist which is the person you should be talking to,  not the internet lol.

Anyway, post back if/when you've found an answer or an explanation to your anxiety. I'm sure we can all benefit from it  :-)

I have social anxiety but not because of my identity issues but because I suffer from hypochondria and OCD, which in turn gives me social anxiety.

I have been diagnosed with sad and gad.  Also adult onset Tourettes that kicks in if I get tired.  I would be amazed if we weren't suffering from a higher rate than the general population.  Those of us who haven't transitioned or who have only partially done so have to constantly monitor our responses in social situations.  I compartmentalize my life and try to respond to each social group differently.  It's a lot of work!  and failure could bring about bad financial consequences for my wife and I. 
 

Scary to see how many people who wote for thinking they got anxiety or dignosed with it.
---
For my point I also voted yes, In general i'm a pretty social person but I have experience anxiety who made me afraid of small things as just walking outside the door, or down the street.

I think my anxious is understandable, I got a few threatning from diffrent people Toward me or people I worked with. Some more indirrect but generally about killing torturating me or others, or general saying mean stuff.
Not too long ago I had resived alot of hate dirrectly or by message. At a time I got death threat for someone I worked with, It was very unpleasent to be read and be invold and after reading the message my whole body started to shiver, I had to call sick and use alot of energy to simple be able to walk outside and back to my house. I been open about it at that place I was and my boss where understandable of my situation and gave me some lectures from someone who where doing stress/anxious programs which helped. Beside I just try as hard as posible to push myself not to let it scare me. I had OCD and tried threatning before so I know the best way is to not let the fear take over and then in time it will get better.

I am unsure if im anxious, but I do still get nervous specially in the work I do and been invold with.

Had a bout with it. I say HAD because I feel I've put it behind me. Between going to a Chinese doctor (herbs and acupuncture) and doing EFT (http://www.emofree.com/ (http://www.emofree.com/)) I managed to kick pretty debilitating panic attacks and anxiety. I thought EFT was total b.s. too until I was desperate enough to try it and it actually worked. Works great on phobias too. I hadn't flown anywhere for over 16 years because it would just induce a massive panic attack and after one session of the stuff I got on a plane and flew to NYC. So even though it sounds silly, you might look into it, you never know it might work for you too.