My dad is so lazy sometimes. He lets the dog out and doesn't bother to tie her up, and now she's lost because he didn't keep an eye on her. And all he said was "she's lived a long life, I'm going to get back to yard work." He doesn't even know how to do yard work...we bought this home and the lady left it BEAUTIFUL and he decides to dive in having no idea what he is doing and revamp the whole thing. It's just his new fixation, a new way to spend the time, he can mess up our yard but he can't go and look for our family dog of 14 years.
My mom and I looked and we can't find the dog. So who knows. She's old, can't walk hardly at all, is near blind yet somehow she got that far away.
I'm sick of my dad's piss poor attitude towards life. He's happy to criticize me for no reason, to mock my choice of degree program, etc etc but he can't even...God. I was telling Keaira about him last night and she said "I'm starting to wonder if your father can do anything right." And you know what? I am wondering too. The only accomplishment he has had is keeping his job for as long as he has, and even then, he's had to lie to people, fakes sick all the time, gets caught up in drama and tries to manipulate everyone. And he's always complaining about the job. He'd be out of it if he ever passed any job interviews.
I'm embarrassed and ashamed that he is my dad. He has not a single quality that I want to emulate.
Liam, if you ever need an ear or a shoulder, I gotcha pal :) don't hesitate to message me.
The past few days, I've felt utterly awful.
I'm not quite sure why, but I don't think my SO saying he was struggling with my transition and positing that I may be better off financially if I moved out didn't help at all.
I feel like I'll never pass properly, as I keep getting called "ma'am" and "miss" by strangers.
I just want to stay in bed until I can get top surgery and hormones.
I thought I was supposed to have a date tonight. I got stood up instead.
And, the '80s "Prom" at my favorite cafe was cancelled and won't be happening.
scratchy throat
I look in the mirror and the person I see is kinda OK.. I see potential there. Then I make a photo of me - the front shot, not shooting myself in the mirror and suddenly I look hideous :(.
This is something that is often posted by MtFs as a positive/happy event (and rightly so, in their cases), but if you're on my side of the fence it is a negative/unhappy event. So...
My moobies are sore. :(
I was told today again that my holidays I had planned for July have been denied.
I have to wait another 5 months! This is really starting to PMO big time!
Its been over a year now since I had any leave. Working 60-70 hours a week and I am beyond the breaking point.
>:(
Quote from: Jenny07 on July 11, 2013, 05:55:00 AM
I was told today again that my holidays I had planned for July have been denied.
I have to wait another 5 months! This is really starting to PMO big time!
Its been over a year now since I had any leave. Working 60-70 hours a week and I am beyond the breaking point.
>:(
That's cruel, what kind of sweatshop are you working for?
My gf told me she's tired of my issues. I've been trying to keep them to myself but some things I just can't. She said she wants me to be myself without all of the negative thoughts. I wish I could, but I need some form of progress to help me out. I dunno what to do.
My wife is stomping around the house stopping periodically to tell me how angry she is at me (for being in the house while the kids live here, which makes them unhappy). She keeps repeating that she can't stand the sight of me.
That much raw anger, really scares me.
Quote from: Lance on July 11, 2013, 11:57:38 AM
My gf told me she's tired of my issues. I've been trying to keep them to myself but some things I just can't. She said she wants me to be myself without all of the negative thoughts. I wish I could, but I need some form of progress to help me out. I dunno what to do.
((Hugs)) hang in there Lance, she's not you, doesn't live in your head or body, so wtf! Huh buddy?
Quote from: suzifrommd on July 11, 2013, 01:44:22 PM
My wife is stomping around the house stopping periodically to tell me how angry she is at me (for being in the house while the kids live here, which makes them unhappy). She keeps repeating that she can't stand the sight of me.
That much raw anger, really scares me.
((Hugs)) I can't comment sufficiently, it would get me banned for life!
I'm sad for you having to deal with this, I couldn't and wouldn't!
My waist is a 38. These jeans are a 38. I can't button them up. But all my other 38's fit. Motherf...
Quote from: Lance on July 11, 2013, 11:57:38 AM
My gf told me she's tired of my issues. I've been trying to keep them to myself but some things I just can't. She said she wants me to be myself without all of the negative thoughts. I wish I could, but I need some form of progress to help me out. I dunno what to do.
Oh and also...that's a path that I went down. Pretty much exactly. I was able to start T but my family wasn't supportive and I wasn't in a position to leave...so...I was stuck at a standstill and I was pretty negative. My gf at the time said the same thing yours did. We're no longer together, heh. I know how hard it is, but if there's nothing you can do to advance your transition at this time, try to focus on the positive things and try to keep your head up. Not just for your gf's sake and for the relationship, but for your own mental health as well. I paid an awfully high price for it and it took me a long time to get better, in retrospect I wish I had tried to enjoy the good things I had. I'm not saying it would be easy for either of us, but I have a lot of regrets over that time.
That being said though, there's a girl that I love now and could see myself spending my life with. I think she's a better fit for me than my ex was, in more ways than one.
Feeling tired, stiff and sore all day
Quote from: V M on July 11, 2013, 06:03:46 PM
Feeling tired, stiff and sore all day
From pounding the snot out of those guys that were molesting the girl? :D ;D :laugh:
It has only been one day since I cleaned my apartment and, in one day, it has managed to become a mess again.
One of my friends repeatedly calls me "dude." He has informed me that he keeps calling me it because he has to remind himself that I'm a guy. This is the same guy who asked me if my perception of being a guy was off in the same way that his perception of being something he's not is off and who responded to me being upset about this by saying, "It was just a question." So whenever he calls me "dude," I'm reminded that this guy thinks of me as female despite the fact that he has only known me while I've been living full time as a guy.
Quote from: Shantel on July 11, 2013, 06:22:22 PM
From pounding the snot out of those guys that were molesting the girl? :D ;D :laugh:
LOL... It wasn't really much of a fight :laugh: It was more like shoving Butthead into Beavis, watching them get tangled up with each other awhile and then they ran away :laugh: I'm not sure, but I think maybe they might have bonked their heads together somehow ::)
Quote from: V M on July 11, 2013, 08:58:39 PM
LOL... It wasn't really much of a fight :laugh: It was more like shoving Butthead into Beavis, watching them get tangled up with each other awhile and then they ran away :laugh: I'm not sure, but I think maybe they might have bonked their heads together somehow ::)
I am pretty sure that would have like total zero effect on their future brain (in)-capability and IQ, given the total absence of both since birth. But maybe that will teach them some lesson and next time they will think twice before acting out... Pardon my possible political un-correctness, but I believe that such acts are sterning from the fact that nobody has ever PROPERLY and THOROUGHLY showed them that violence only begets violence, and then showed that AGAIN. Unfortunately, but there are cases when extraordinary situations require extraordinary, immediate and often violent response :(.
Once again my voice is cracking at every corner.
A buyer just contacted me and said she was unable to meet today.
Quote from: V M on July 11, 2013, 08:58:39 PM
LOL... It wasn't really much of a fight :laugh: It was more like shoving Butthead into Beavis, watching them get tangled up with each other awhile and then they ran away :laugh: I'm not sure, but I think maybe they might have bonked their heads together somehow ::)
Heheheh ;D ;D hear that? Their heads somehow got bonked! :icon_peace:
I miss Caleb. That is all.
When my mother gets drunk, sometimes she likes to clean.
When she starts to clean, she tends to destroy important things and throw them away.
I decided to go to a church member's graduation and she had the nice idea to "clean".
Needless to say I just spent the last 30 minutes plugging things back up and retrieving important things she threw out....not fun at all. I think she may have saw my packer too....
LOL... Mom calling up (mostly to complain about my two older sisters and the messed up mischief that they've gotten up to)
But mostly she reminded me of the various times that various (all) members of my whole family did messed up stuff and crapped on me
It was all putting me in quite the mood, but I kept my composure and listened and didn't react much other than to calmly state the various things that bothered me a bit about various family members behaviors
Mostly I just didn't want to drudge up all the bad memories of what a bunch of A-holes they all were so I said that it was all past history and it's time to move forward with the now and that I still loved all of them
I then excused myself and wished her well because I did have stuff I needed to get done
A part of my Brobee disc launcher is missing along with my toothpicks -_-
What the hell happened to us?
Quote from: V M on July 12, 2013, 11:04:06 PM
LOL... Mom calling up (mostly to complain about my two older sisters and the messed up mischief that they've gotten up to)
But mostly she reminded me of the various times that various (all) members of my whole family did messed up stuff and crapped on me
It was all putting me in quite the mood, but I kept my composure and listened and didn't react much other than to calmly state the various things that bothered me a bit about various family members behaviors
Mostly I just didn't want to drudge up all the bad memories of what a bunch of A-holes they all were so I said that it was all past history and it's time to move forward with the now and that I still loved all of them
I then excused myself and wished her well because I did have stuff I needed to get done
You handled that very gracefully! Self control is one of the greatest attributes you can wish to achieve when your senses are telling you that you are under adverse pressure from family or others, it puts you in the driver's seat where you can deflect criticism and control the outcome of the conversation. Well done!
There's a red patch on my foot. Not raised, relatively plain and featureless, maybe the size of a dime.
It showed up approx. 1 week ago.
Also it seems to be growing.
Quote from: ZoeM on July 14, 2013, 08:16:13 PM
There's a red patch on my foot. Not raised, relatively plain and featureless, maybe the size of a dime.
It showed up approx. 1 week ago.
Also it seems to be growing.
Might be:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ringworm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ringworm)
If so, not serious, treatment is no big deal.
Quote from: suzifrommd on July 14, 2013, 09:21:38 PM
Might be:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ringworm (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ringworm)
If so, not serious, treatment is no big deal.
Here's hoping it's that simple.
I go to a dermatologist Tuesday. We'll see what she says.
Caleb wasnt on tonight. :(
I've just read some NHS guidelines that suggest that my prolactin levels may be too high for me to start T. I have my appointment with the GIC doctor in two weeks' time; I'm dreading him telling me that I'll have to wait until my prolactin goes down.
The reason why they're too high? Because of the stress of dealing with all my family dramas... and my family has been escalating these dramas over the past week, rather than reducing them.
It's looking increasingly likely that Himself and I will have to separate before the year is out. Even though nothing has been decided, I feel like it's already happening. Crying all the f-ing time. :'(
Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on July 15, 2013, 11:13:15 AM
It's looking increasingly likely that Himself and I will have to separate before the year is out. Even though nothing has been decided, I feel like it's already happening. Crying all the f-ing time. :'(
Same here, and its my Himself who is pushing for it. *Hugs*
Nephew drank my cold Sprite
Mother making me out to be a douchebag to my nephew
My past is coming back to bite me. I was too lazy to pick up my cap and gown (even though I knew I was not going to walk) and today my sister called saying that someone was around my size and wanted to buy my cap and gown from me but I didn't have it. :(
I lost the penny that I found today so it's not going into my top surgery fund. -sigh- easy come easy go I suppose :(
My dog has been having a lot of urinary problems. They're not getting better, so I am taking her to the vet tomorrow. My parents didn't think health insurance was a priority (as if the dogs would never need a vet even once in their lifetime...), and they think because she's not near-dead it isn't that bad. Well, it is because she can barely get her urine out and she's in pain.
So I am taking her and paying. *sigh* If it's just an infection it will be affordable, but if she has any form of blockage, like a stone or a tumour, it can cost upward to $3000. That's all the money I have left. Not to mention, tuition will be due in September, and I will have to begin paying rent to my parents in that month. And hormone costs...and...gah. Jobs NEED to start panning out or I am seriously screwed, because my savings are all I have left and the dog's care could take the rest of it away.
Hmmmm,. stale tea and anti-depressants, how wonderful. So wonderful i could just dance on the table and sing "Ted the Mechanic" or "Wrong Man".
dry cough
Fell asleep on my back and woke up stiff and sore
Sick as a dog
Gonna vomit.
Nothing
And after the last week it feels weird.
I am freaking out. I needed to get my taxes done months ago, but I can't because I still haven't gotten the form I need from student loans. I've called them several times, I've called Canada Post several times. Neither knows what the problem is. I don't know if I'll even get this form. On top of that, now I can't find the rest of my tax stuff. It's not where I was keeping it and I've looked everywhere. I don't know what to do and am freaking out. Oh yeah and I keep trying to call the Canada Revenue Agency to talk to them about this, but keep getting a busy signal.
Nasty skunk smell wafting in through my open window :icon_blah:
Edge I'm sorry you're having so much trouble, that would freak me out too. :-\
I had to cancel my appointment with a gender therapist because my car screwed up. It was scheduled for around this time. I'm trying really hard not to get depressed about it, but I keep thinking about how ready I am to move forward and how amazing it felt knowing I finally was going to be able to. Sigh...I just want to sleep, but I have to work all day every day until Monday.
I have sharp toenails so I accidently broke some skin on my ankle with my big toe. Ouch
I hurt Caleb. I'm done...
Quote from: Keaira on July 18, 2013, 02:56:03 AM
I hurt Caleb. I'm done...
I know you didn't mean to. I do believe my hurt is valid, but I'm having a hard time communicating and hence it comes off harsher than it's meant to. I'm tired all the time and really stressed out with a lot of things. I'm not making excuses for being abrasive, I know I have to get to the sleep clinic, and try to let go of the toxic things and people in my life. I'm trying to so hard to manage all these other issues that I'm left with so little energy left to communicate with those I do care for, and so little energy to work on myself and my own health issues (mostly mental, but physical too with the sleep).
My doctor/therapist ask me to get copies of all the imaging I have had done over the past year from my local hospital. So, yesterday I called them and was told that if I came into the hospital this morning they could put all of my results on a CD . Following this advice, I went to the hospital this morning as soon as it opened. I told the nurse at the resption desk who I am and why I came in. After waiting for two and a half hours and paying the fee to visit the doctor, I was told that they cannot do that and was asked to leave. So frustrating!
Quote from: Ketchup Packet on July 18, 2013, 03:06:44 AM
I know you didn't mean to. I do believe my hurt is valid, but I'm having a hard time communicating and hence it comes off harsher than it's meant to. I'm tired all the time and really stressed out with a lot of things. I'm not making excuses for being abrasive, I know I have to get to the sleep clinic, and try to let go of the toxic things and people in my life. I'm trying to so hard to manage all these other issues that I'm left with so little energy left to communicate with those I do care for, and so little energy to work on myself and my own health issues (mostly mental, but physical too with the sleep).
Well, you just crushed my heart so I guess that makes us even. You need out of that house badly. I hate seeing you so stressed out.
Quote from: Mary81 on July 18, 2013, 04:42:41 AM
My doctor/therapist ask me to get copies of all the imaging I have had done over the past year from my local hospital. So, yesterday I called them and was told that if I came into the hospital this morning they could put all of my results on a CD . Following this advice, I went to the hospital this morning as soon as it opened. I told the nurse at the resption desk who I am and why I came in. After waiting for two and a half hours and paying the fee to visit the doctor, I was told that they cannot do that and was asked to leave. So frustrating!
I hope you got your money back!
Quote from: Keaira on July 18, 2013, 06:00:34 AM
I hope you got your money back!
Saddly not >:( We need to pay the fee here with a pre-paid stamp, which they took and used before telling me anything. It is a strange system. Fortunatly it is not a significant sum of money. But I am still unhappy about it on principle.
Yea, that is crappy.
My foot is all swollen up. The accident happened in 2003 that pretty much took my lower left leg off and im still paying for it. Im way behind on my bills, Azmaria is upset with me, Caleb thinks I like him for his pre-transition bits, theres a damned fly buzzing around the room that loves rhe smell of my Axe womens body spray and I can't shut my mind off now because im worried about everything that's not going right in my life. Oh yea, and the little sharp stabby pains I get all the time in my bad leg is acting up more so than usual.
Yep. Life is peachy. Im gonna sleep the whole day away.
Quote from: Keaira on July 18, 2013, 05:59:22 AM
Well, you just crushed my heart so I guess that makes us even. You need out of that house badly. I hate seeing you so stressed out.
<3 :(
I am really angry and i don't know why.
I am a worthless piece of ->-bleeped-<- with no talents whatsoever who should've never been born and has a lot of mental issues, bordering on insanity at times. I should've been put into a mental hospital the day i started hearing quiet alarm sounds in class out of fear that an alarm might go off, like it did when a simple fire drill traumatized me, because it was so abrupt and at the end of the 3rd grade (i think). I also saw the fourth Doctor's face appear on a chalkboard and a songtext appearing on there, that might've been because of my insomnia and i fear that even being in school tomorrow will be too much. I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown at the moment. I should be happy, very happy in fact, i have got good reason to be happy, but i'm not. When i get frantic i tend to scream "I am god", i am not kidding, but i am not, i know that, i am just insane, i don't belong here, i don't know why my delusions won't simply disappear and why i can't let go of it, i have been on a steady mental decline since a traumatic experience earlier this year. I feel like i'm about to burst. I feel like i'm being watched and haunted. There's no way out, but there is one way out, which is no way out at the same time, since it would be a forced way out for some people i know too, so they told me.
Quote from: Miss Bungle on July 18, 2013, 03:06:44 PM
You really need to stop trashing yourself like this. You are not worthless. Tearing yourself down all the time is not doing you any favors at all.
Why am I still here? Why does it not leave. It is not real, it can not be real, it is impossible, i can't get away from my personal demons, they follow me everywhere. There is no escape, but one day there'll be one escape that i hope i'm not going to try again, which would finally bring me peace though, what a beautiful thought. What is calming me down right now is listening to a bit of Janis Joplin.
I can't sleep and refused to take my meds because of a fly in my tea (which is how i take them, i can't swallow).
Quote from: CalmRageMusic on July 18, 2013, 03:09:09 PM
Why am I still here? Why does it not leave. It is not real, it can not be real, it is impossible, i can't get away from my personal demons, they follow me everywhere. There is no escape, but one day there'll be one escape that i hope i'm not going to try again, which would finally bring me peace though, what a beautiful thought. What is calming me down right now is listening to a bit of Janis Joplin.
I used to freak myself out asking myself these questions too and trying to escape what I saw as impossible. Eventually, I was able to deal with it by balancing skepticism and belief in my reality. It's been a huge relief.
my stupid new computer has Windows 8 - nothing on it works right - any time I try to email it throws it to some stupid utility that won't let me email some crappy thing called outlook which is useless
Quote from: vegie271 on July 18, 2013, 06:00:16 PM
my stupid new computer has Windows 8 - nothing on it works right - any time I try to email it throws it to some stupid utility that won't let me email some crappy thing called outlook which is useless
Oh dear I'm so sorry.. Have you ever considered Linux? It's not perfect but seems to be much kinder to computers and you can get stuff done.
Quote from: StellaB on July 18, 2013, 06:07:39 PM
Oh dear I'm so sorry.. Have you ever considered Linux? It's not perfect but seems to be much kinder to computers and you can get stuff done.
I love unix - used it a long time ago, but you want me to throw away $1,500 worth of software that I have and reformat a computer that I have that currently has a brand new current warranty? for the next 2 years?
Internet connection playing up on me :-\
That Caleb and Keaira are having a bad time with other.
Because they are both gorgeous people who have opened their hearts to me when I needed help, my heart is open to both of them so they can hide in there and meet each other again.
Cindy
My gender feelings are killing me at the moment as they are worse than ever
I hate it. Why do I have them!
I hate being who I appear to be and just want to be me.
It make me so lonely and unable to move on with life.
I don't feel I can deal with this by myself. :'(
Quote from: Cindy. on July 18, 2013, 09:22:52 PM
That Caleb and Keaira are having a bad time with other.
Because they are both gorgeous people who have opened their hearts to me when I needed help, my heart is open to both of them so they can hide in there and meet each other again.
Cindy
Awww. *hugs* You don't have to worry about us. It was just a lovers quarrel that's all. I love Caleb to pieces. He was worried that I just liked him for possibly the wrong reasons when in actual fact I like him for him, regardless what his body is like. He's smart, cute, polite and caring. I'd take him home to meet my parents and they would love him. ^_^
I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.
Get back to work after five days off to find my immediate supervisor got the punt. He's been running our unit defacto for over 10 years despite having to work under several incompetent managers.
I really detest our new management team. I really want the f-out of health care, but no options yet until after transition.
Quote from: Edge on July 19, 2013, 11:32:11 PM
I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.
I know the feeling
Hugs
Quote from: Edge on July 19, 2013, 11:32:11 PM
I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.
I'll second that.
I hope you find the person you're looking for.
I woke up at 3:30 pm and all I want to do is just go back to bed and keep sleeping. Yesterday I woke up at 6pm and had pretty much the same feeling. And the only reason I woke up was because my Daughter called to be picked up from work. Caleb and I had another fight last night too.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.ebayimg.com%2F00%2Fs%2FNDkwWDQ5MA%3D%3D%2F%24T2eC16FHJGwE9n%29ySdIuBP5%29bw%2CU1g%7E%7E60_35.JPG&hash=e306609c58b37c517c9b7392dc8ac04a9bae7a6b)
Quote from: Edge on July 19, 2013, 11:32:11 PM
I really want to be close to someone. Not in a sex way or even a romantic way. I just want to have someone I can be there for and who can be there for me.
I feel the same way. Every connection I had with the few people in my life seems severed or changed.
I'm too afraid of engaging other people to even know to become to begin. Maybe I don't even want to, so I should just embrace isolation and wait for transition to take me to a point where I feel ready to re-enter the world
Someone was interested in buying a bed skirt from me and I tried to plan to meet them when I think my mom would be sleep, but right at the time I'm supposed to meet them she decides to cook so I tried to book it without her knowing but she caught me. I still made the sale but I had to take a major nagging about how meeting people to sell them things is dangerous. There's risks to everything of course but the ladie I met was actually super nice. My mom wants me to stop selling online though. She wants to know why I need money so bad but I don't want to tell her it's because of top surgery. I highly doubt she is going to foot me the 10+ grand I need for it. She tells me that I need to get a job which I fully agree, but the hiring process can take up to a month so I need to be making some cash on the side.
Ugh! I can't even enjoy my little $5 that I made.
You should be proud of the money you saved, Malachite. It takes so much willpower to stash away almost every cent like you have - all the birthday money, found money, money from selling your items. Your total is hella impressive considering none of it came from a paycheck. I always give in to temptations like eating out, buying random crap at Walmart, and so on, so I think you should be really happy with what you've accomplished.
Quote from: Ketchup Packet on July 20, 2013, 05:14:17 PM
You should be proud of the money you saved, Malachite. It takes so much willpower to stash away almost every cent like you have - all the birthday money, found money, money from selling your items. Your total is hella impressive considering none of it came from a paycheck. I always give in to temptations like eating out, buying random crap at Walmart, and so on, so I think you should be really happy with what you've accomplished.
+1 I'll add my amen to that, we're proud of you Malachite!
Thank you Caleb and Shantel. :) I deeply appreciate the amount of support I get on here. It really does make me feel better when my mother makes me feel unhappy.
having the longest bout of dysphonia I have ever had!
God I hate it.
I just want it to go away :'(
Quote from: Jenny07 on July 20, 2013, 08:14:38 PM
having the longest bout of dysphonia I have ever had!
God I hate it.
I just want it to go away :'(
I know how you feel Jenny I spent most of the week having a real bad bout myself. Just try and remember the feeling will pass eventually.
My ex's ex-girlfriend was at the thing I went to today. Keep in mind this is a woman who willingly dated someone who has been very violent and cruel towards me and my son. This is also, apparently, a woman who complains because he dumped her with the "it's not you it's me" line. As opposed to me who left to go to a shelter because I feared for my and my son's lives. I still fear for my son's life. "Oh well, he's never been violent with me." It gets worse over time, diphead. "I've seen him with Owen and he's good with him." He never does anything when he has an audience. He's not an idiot. ARG! I know I should have more tolerance for this woman, but all I can manage is to pretend to be nice to her even though I really want her to shut up.
Quote from: Edge on July 21, 2013, 01:31:19 PM
My ex's ex-girlfriend was at the thing I went to today. Keep in mind this is a woman who willingly dated someone who has been very violent and cruel towards me and my son. This is also, apparently, a woman who complains because he dumped her with the "it's not you it's me" line. As opposed to me who left to go to a shelter because I feared for my and my son's lives. I still fear for my son's life. "Oh well, he's never been violent with me." It gets worse over time, diphead. "I've seen him with Owen and he's good with him." He never does anything when he has an audience. He's not an idiot. ARG! I know I should have more tolerance for this woman, but all I can manage is to pretend to be nice to her even though I really want her to shut up.
You have entirely too much drama in your life Edge, perhaps a change is in order? It certainly doesn't sound like a safe environment for you or your child. Ever consider just getting in your car and driving far away and starting over?
Quote from: Shantel on July 21, 2013, 01:44:58 PM
You have entirely too much drama in your life Edge, perhaps a change is in order? It certainly doesn't sound like a safe environment for you or your child. Ever consider just getting in your car and driving far away and starting over?
I can't. No car, lack of finances, and my son goes with my ex on some days of the week. I am also not allowed to leave the province with my son without my ex's permission, so I can't go home.
And yes, I know I have too much drama. Trust me, it is very much unwanted.
Quote from: Edge on July 21, 2013, 02:11:44 PM
I can't. No car, lack of fiances, and my son goes with my ex on some days of the week. I am also not allowed to leave the province with my son without my ex's permission, so I can't go home.
And yes, I know I have too much drama. Trust me, it is very much unwanted.
That sounds like living on the edge of hell to me, I'm sorry that your life has to be that way hon! (hugs)
The jerk of a doc I have that told me that my parents didnt have to know anything about me getting an appointment with a therapist, before sending a letter to them about it.
Quote from: Faun on July 21, 2013, 07:48:51 PM
The doc I have that told me that my parents didnt have to know anything about me getting an appointment with a therapist, before sending a letter to them about it.
Sounds like a breach of patient confidentiality. Don't know where you're from but here is how it works in the USA.
The AMA's ethical guidelines are not binding by law, although courts have used ethical obligations as the basis for imposing legal obligations. Moreover, maintaining patient confidentiality is a legal duty as well as an ethical duty. A physician's legal obligations are defined by the US Constitution, by federal and state laws and regulations, and by the courts. Even without applying ethical standards, courts generally allow a cause of action for a breach of confidentiality against a treating physician who divulges confidential medical information without proper authorization from the patient.
slight headache
I braided my beard. I can't seem to unbraid it.
Quote from: LordKAT on July 21, 2013, 10:38:17 PM
I braided my beard. I can't seem to unbraid it.
Heee Heee def a photo opportunity here!!
Quote from: Cindy. on July 22, 2013, 02:24:03 AM
Heee Heee def a photo opportunity here!!
2 braids, viking style, I'll never do again. Imagination will have to do for that photo.
Quote from: LordKAT on July 22, 2013, 02:47:25 AM
2 braids, viking style
Sounds kinda cool :) Why would you want to undo that?
I managed to get a small stain on both a white bra top cami and a white tank top :P Girls don't wear white tops with stains on them!!!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwolves.badwolf.cx%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F06%2Fargh.jpg&hash=c1b05d9a542e05e50c7570ccab792feb497bad77)
Quote from: V M on July 22, 2013, 03:07:31 AM
I managed to get a small stain on both a white bra top cami and a white tank top :P Girls don't wear white tops with stains on them!!!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwolves.badwolf.cx%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F06%2Fargh.jpg&hash=c1b05d9a542e05e50c7570ccab792feb497bad77)
This problem is the bane of my daily existence! I should wear a bib whenever I have something to eat or drink. The boob shelf catches everything, and pasta with spaghetti sauce? We won't even go there other than to say that I'm trying to learn to not curse so loudly over it. ::)
my dog is sick. Might have to go to a vet.
The shopping centre was infested with God botherers,chuggers and beggars.
Woke up to another day of this stupid world
Quote from: V M on July 22, 2013, 05:22:15 PM
Woke up to another day of this stupid world
*gives you a hug*
Quote from: Sephirah on July 22, 2013, 05:31:31 PM
*gives you a hug*
Thank you
*Hugs back*
Sorry, didn't get much sleep... Been feeling a bit fussy and swishing my tail today... Probably need a cat nap
Buyer wanted to meet earlier than planned so I emailed her and said I can do that but she never replied back.
Caleb is doing his brother's Math homework. He could be working on his own Thesis for his Masters degree but no. I'm disappointed in his lack of Ethics.
As I said in a text to Keaira, there's nothing more bitter than the disappointment of the woman you love. -_-
Hasn't changed how I feel about you dear. *huggles* :P
Waking up from a bad dream and then wrestling with the insomnia monster
Dad telling me Mum was buying him a steak and kidney pie for his tea.I couldn't bring myself to tell him she died in April
Quote from: big kim on July 23, 2013, 10:20:16 AM
Dad telling me Mum was buying him a steak and kidney pie for his tea.I couldn't bring myself to tell him she died in April
Dealing with aging parents is painful....hugs!
Thanks Shantel
I wish i had some real stuff in my room, not the stupid prescription stuff. I want more, but I barely notice anything from this. I wish i had something to really take me away. I don't care about addiction. I just want to get wasted. I can't cope with my weird mind constantly changing in how it feels, This is what really makes me feel trapped, like a door that gets locked and unlocked.
Quote from: Miss Bungle on July 23, 2013, 07:09:25 PM
You should care about addiction. Even if you don't get addicted, you just end up looking back on it and thinking to yourself, "Damn, I should have found another way to deal with this."
Trust me, been there and done that.
i just want peace of mind. I don't care if i ruin myself. I am probably not going to survive this year. I just know it. I'll probably have killed myself in a few months.
Quote from: Miss Bungle on July 23, 2013, 07:17:53 PM
I don't want to sound like a broken record and I certainly don't want to sound like I am bitching at you. I knew a woman that used all kinds of pills to numb her mind because she couldn't cope with life issues (none of which were trans related) and she has destroyed her body completely.
I also knew a woman that used alcohol as a crutch for decades and died of liver failure (I also had an uncle that went the same way). It was horrible, it was ugly, it was depressing as hell because they were both wonderful people that let their crutch take them out.
Don't end up like them.
my father is an alcoholic.
But, anyway, i know i will probably be dead in a few months, despite being 98% drug-free.
My decision not to go to the skating rink with the church. Because I didn't I had the lovely pleasure of helping cleaning the inside and the outside of my mother's car....
My lack of online sales
Quote from: Miss Bungle on July 23, 2013, 07:37:12 PM
So is mine.
And you better not be dead in a few months. You need to do something to help dig yourself out of this hole that you are in. It can be done so you CAN do it.
So do it!
Do what?
I am getting help by the end of the holidays. If i am still alive then of course.
Getting an insect bite
I need more and i need something that works. I can't stand being in this state. I don't want to think clearly.
having a dry cough
Guess my family aren't as supportive as I thought wrong pro-nouns(mum's not even trying) added to the misery I was already in yet wasn't sure why. Seriously hating everything right now.
Easier said then done but, don't dwell on the hate, dwell on the future positives.
Stressing out over finances. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Quote from: Liam Erik on July 24, 2013, 03:47:34 PM
I got a letter for jury duty, and my name isn't changed yet. The reason my name isn't changed yet is because I am anxious about the public exposure required just to go to, oh, say, the courthouse, to get it changed. I am too anxious to talk to my own relatives or go to the grocery store. My legal name is irredeemably awful. I don't pass for female whatsoever. I am going to be humiliated, yet again. I am sick about it.
If it makes you feel any better I got one too in my other name. One consolation is that they usually send me home as undesirable as a jury pick, because I'm not into group-think. If they ask, "Do you think the police lie?" I say certainly. "Do you believe in capitol punishment?" I say yup! They say, "You're dismissed, thank you for coming!" :D
Went shoe shopping. Everything I liked didn't come in my size. The few items they did have in my size I didn't really like. I ended up shopping in the men's section but didn't find anything that looked unisex enough for me to want to put it on my feet.
Then I broke my finger pulling a shoe box out from under a pile. :(
That lovely time of the month again
My hoo ha is sore from todays Dilation. Not such a happy camper. Blah.... :)
Quote from: suzifrommd on July 24, 2013, 06:49:11 PM
Went shoe shopping. Everything I liked didn't come in my size. The few items they did have in my size I didn't really like. I ended up shopping in the men's section but didn't find anything that looked unisex enough for me to want to put it on my feet.
Then I broke my finger pulling a shoe box out from under a pile. :(
Ouch!!! Sorry to hear about that :(
Hugs
Quote from: V M on July 24, 2013, 07:15:05 PM
Ouch!!! Sorry to hear about that :(
Hugs
Thanks. It's not really hurting too much at the moment unless something rubs up against it. But it's turned a quite lovely shade of blue.
I slept until 8pm I was waiting for a hard drive to partition and really had nothing that needed my attention. It sucks being unemployed. -_-
I ran out of girls' clothes in my dresser so today I had to wear boys' clothes. ):
Quote from: LordKAT on July 24, 2013, 06:22:49 AM
Easier said then done but, don't dwell on the hate, dwell on the future positives.
Normally I can handle it but lately it has been getting to me more and I am not at all sure why. Thanks.
Watched CSI to be told the next episode would be next year.
misgendered again this week. I think my hips grew and my voice sounds more fem now than before T.
Even with a four inch long curly beard!
Quote from: mind is quiet now on July 24, 2013, 07:02:48 PM
My hoo ha is sore from todays Dilation. Not such a happy camper. Blah.... :)
I am so sorry. :(
I hope you have had srs ::)
Went to the Clark's shoe store and looked longingly at a few pairs of women's shoes, (maybe next payday,) then looked at the men's selection (blah) I have narrow feet anyway, not everyone has duck feet! ???
I e-mailed my university's financial advisor with questions. She e-mailed me back saying that someone else would be in the office in May. May is ten months from now. I need to know the answers to these questions asap. Wtf.
Quote from: Edge on July 25, 2013, 09:37:56 AM
I e-mailed my university's financial advisor with questions. She e-mailed me back saying that someone else would be in the office in May. May is ten months from now. I need to know the answers to these questions asap. Wtf.
This is clearly the type of thing that causes nice people to run amok! ;D Hang in there Edge, don't harm anyone!
Quote from: Shantel on July 25, 2013, 09:41:10 AM
This is clearly the type of thing that causes nice people to run amok! ;D Hang in there Edge, don't harm anyone!
Hulk smash!
I fell asleep with my makeup on... again...
I woke up looking like a zombie... again...
Cooler in my apartment broke down, it is flooding in my apartment water went into the light fixture in my kitchen, the maintenance people never respond for something like 2 weeks I am going to roast at about 105 degrees in my apartment for the next 2 weeks. >:( plus my stuff will be probably damaged
The cost of one session with the psychologist I need to see for my hormones is more expensive than three with the therapist I was seeing. I have to do this, but I have no idea how I can afford it.
Quote from: Edge on July 26, 2013, 09:20:51 AM
The cost of one session with the psychologist I need to see for my hormones is more expensive than three with the therapist I was seeing. I have to do this, but I have no idea how I can afford it.
There are some professionals that will cut their rates for needy clients. Say you're a full-time student and single parent. No guarantees but worth a try.
First time they call me ->-bleeped-<- on the street, and twice. Good bye, confidence.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on July 26, 2013, 10:33:35 AM
First time they call me ->-bleeped-<- on the street, and twice. Good bye, confidence.
Until you get to the place that you are unconcerned about what others think or say, you will be fair game for their taunts. They know how to intimidate and taunt you, when you decide that you no longer give a rat's ass about them and project that in how you carry yourself and in your outward attitude, then they will lose interest and no longer continue to beat you up emotionally. If your eyes move around furtively when others are present and ypu're wondering what others are thinking about you, they pick up on it and you become a target. You're ok hon, it's they that are the turds in your bowl of soup, you can change that dynamic.
I asked as nice as I could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by Friday
Well, the whole damn weekend
Came 'n went, Frankie
(Wanna buy some mandies, Bob?)
You know what? They didn't do nothin'
But they charged me double for Sunday
Now, you know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat 'n rob you
'N then they'll give you a bill
'N it'll get your senses reelin'
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That'll get you so crazy
'Til your head'll go through th' ceilin'
Yes it will!
Well, my toilet went crazy
Yesterday afternoon
The plumber he says
"Never flush a tampoon!"
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day
Reading about the horrible murder of a young girl that happened a couple of blocks away from me and imagining the pain and fear she must have felt.
One of my goofy neighbors likes to play with the dried flower decoration on my front door and so every so often I have to fix it up and vacuum up the broken bits off the entry way welcome mat
my past comes back to haunt me. I want to go back.
I think one of my very best friends has testosterone poisoning. He won't stop acting with such a stereotypical male mindset, and somehow in his brain he thinks I agree with him. It's like he can't comprehend anything feminine besides the girls he wants to bed so badly. Telling him I am one is going to be downright impossible when the time comes...
I'm a stupid egoistical jerk with anger issues. I'm a tyrant.
Poor mother, i wish i was never born.
Lack of sales
Himself and I have split up.
We saw it coming far enough, and it's probably for the best, but I'm really cut up about it nonetheless.
I keep fluctuating between numbness and floods of tears. :'(
Family reunion today.
Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on July 28, 2013, 08:11:36 PM
Himself and I have split up.
We saw it coming far enough, and it's probably for the best, but I'm really cut up about it nonetheless.
I keep fluctuating between numbness and floods of tears. :'(
(((Hugs))) :icon_bunch:
I realized I only have one girly shirt and it actually belongs to my sister... ):
Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on July 28, 2013, 08:11:36 PM
Himself and I have split up.
We saw it coming far enough, and it's probably for the best, but I'm really cut up about it nonetheless.
I keep fluctuating between numbness and floods of tears. :'(
I'm sorry. :( Based on a lot you've said I knew it was coming too, but seeing it doesn't make it any easier. *hugs*
Despite having changed my name, I have managed to not come out to one of my roommates. My mail goes to a UPS box for other reasons, and it has just never seemed like something I really wanted to share with him. Yes, that means I don't get male pronouns or my new name at at home. It is not great.
Today, we were talking about the show Orange is the New Black, which features a trans woman as a character. It shows her transitioning in a few flashback scenes, and out of nowhere, the roommate said how disgusted he was by the scenes. I was taken aback. He's gay - how does he not realize it is basically the same thing as if someone had watched something about a gay person and said, "That's gross!" I asked him why he thought that, but otherwise left it alone and left the conversation upset. Now there is no way I can tell him, but part of me wants to tell him, so he has that moment when he maybe realizes he was wrong.
My other roommate, who has been my best friend for 15 years, and who I moved across the country with when he bought a house up here (where the 3 of us live now), has said he won't use male pronouns or use my new name anyways - so it has been a non-issue. I came out to him over a year ago when I changed my name. He thinks people that are transgender are "sad and weird," calls trans people 'It' in conversation, and the rare occasions when something related to being trans comes up, he goes out of his way to be insulting about it.
Today, he was present for the conversation with the other roommate, and as he knows about me, I brought up the disappointing comment about trans people. His response was, "So what? Get over it."
This seems like an awful reaction from my best friend, but I have to view it in context of the fact he saved my life, no exaggeration. I had a mental break from a severe manic episode that led to a bipolar diagnosis, and during it, I destroyed everything in my life. I could have worked to fix it, but the resulting anxiety and depression afterwards were crippling. I shut everything out and abandoned my life. He got me through it though with some time , and honestly, he is the only friend I have at all now. I don't talk to my family and haven't for years, and we are close enough to be family, so he is really all I have on that front as well. I am only alive today because of him - 100% no exaggeration. I can't hate him for how feels. I owe him everything. He saved me when I had no one else that even cared.
I get my first T shot this week, so I figured it was time to revisit these issues with my best friend and maybe come out to the other roommate, so I could at least have the right pronouns and name at home. Now, I just feel like they don't deserve to know. This means I will be hiding the fact I am on T from both of them.
I just feel isolated, and once again, my pathetic loneliness is crushing.
I blinked. Now i'm stuck in 2013. Still, at least i survived. Maybe "he" will come and return me to my proper place. Now i have to share a room with my younger self.
Quote from: spacerace on July 29, 2013, 05:17:30 PM
Despite having changed my name, I have managed to not come out to one of my roommates. My mail goes to a UPS box for other reasons, and it has just never seemed like something I really wanted to share with him. Yes, that means I don't get male pronouns or my new name at at home. It is not great.
Today, we were talking about the show Orange is the New Black, which features a trans woman as a character. It shows her transitioning in a few flashback scenes, and out of nowhere, the roommate said how disgusted he was by the scenes. I was taken aback. He's gay - how does he not realize it is basically the same thing as if someone had watched something about a gay person and said, "That's gross!" I asked him why he thought that, but otherwise left it alone and left the conversation upset. Now there is no way I can tell him, but part of me wants to tell him, so he has that moment when he maybe realizes he was wrong.
My other roommate, who has been my best friend for 15 years, and who I moved across the country with when he bought a house up here (where the 3 of us live now), has said he won't use male pronouns or use my new name anyways - so it has been a non-issue. I came out to him over a year ago when I changed my name. He thinks people that are transgender are "sad and weird," calls trans people 'It' in conversation, and the rare occasions when something related to being trans comes up, he goes out of his way to be insulting about it.
Today, he was present for the conversation with the other roommate, and as he knows about me, I brought up the disappointing comment about trans people. His response was, "So what? Get over it."
This seems like an awful reaction from my best friend, but I have to view it in context of the fact he saved my life, no exaggeration. I had a mental break from a severe manic episode that led to a bipolar diagnosis, and during it, I destroyed everything in my life. I could have worked to fix it, but the resulting anxiety and depression afterwards were crippling. I shut everything out and abandoned my life. He got me through it though with some time , and honestly, he is the only friend I have at all now. I don't talk to my family and haven't for years, and we are close enough to be family, so he is really all I have on that front as well. I am only alive today because of him - 100% no exaggeration. I can't hate him for how feels. I owe him everything. He saved me when I had no one else that even cared.
I get my first T shot this week, so I figured it was time to revisit these issues with my best friend and maybe come out to the other roommate, so I could at least have the right pronouns and name at home. Now, I just feel like they don't deserve to know. This means I will be hiding the fact I am on T from both of them.
I just feel isolated, and once again, my pathetic loneliness is crushing.
My heart goes out to you, this left me with a hollow feeling like a movie where the hero or heroine is rejected and goes off into the sunset all alone.
I get the feeling that once you are on T it will become very evident quite rapidly, I know one person whose voice went from that of a little girl to a basso male voice in a matter of months. This will bring the bottom up quickly and the weight of that will make that conversation happen regardless. I'm sorry these two are so insensitive, it shouldn't be!
My friend's dad has less than a week to live and there's nothing I can do.
Quote from: spacerace on July 29, 2013, 05:17:30 PM
I just feel isolated, and once again, my pathetic loneliness is crushing.
That sounds incredibly rough. I really hope you find some supportive understanding folks along the way.
Might sound weird but I like reading posts from you - maybe because we're the same age and in similar place time-wise in our transitions, plus you seem to have a lot of wise words to share. So while it's no replacement for supportive people in your every day "real" life, I'm sending happy thoughts your way.
I have lost most my family to transition, I only really had a couple of friends and I am doubting how long that strained relationship will last and now my boyfriend is deciding if he wants to be with me after I transition. Hmmm. I am feeling a little rejected and alone.
My wages are late again,it sounds insignificant compared to what others are going through
My two closest friends are having a rough time and I have been with them everyday for the last 10 days making sure their okay, but now I am drained and came home to rest but I feel like I abandoned them and let them down by leaving, also feel selfish for letting my own problems get to me and making me feel I needed to leave though I did not want to. Also don't feel like I have helped even though they say just being there has helped alot. I just can't feel right no matter what they say.
Everything is too much at the moment.
God I hate it all.
What made me unhappy is reading about everyone else's unhappiness, wish I had the good witch Glenda's magic wand and could make it all better for everyone here.
Quote from: Shantel on July 29, 2013, 05:37:34 PM
My heart goes out to you, this left me with a hollow feeling like a movie where the hero or heroine is rejected and goes off into the sunset all alone.
I get the feeling that once you are on T it will become very evident quite rapidly, I know one person whose voice went from that of a little girl to a basso male voice in a matter of months. This will bring the bottom up quickly and the weight of that will make that conversation happen regardless. I'm sorry these two are so insensitive, it shouldn't be!
Quote from: ford on July 29, 2013, 11:33:22 PM
That sounds incredibly rough. I really hope you find some supportive understanding folks along the way.
Might sound weird but I like reading posts from you - maybe because we're the same age and in similar place time-wise in our transitions, plus you seem to have a lot of wise words to share. So while it's no replacement for supportive people in your every day "real" life, I'm sending happy thoughts your way.
Thanks to both of you for your replies. I'll get through it. I feel better after sleeping. Ford, I also notice your posts for the same reasons.
I miss Rose.
And Sarah Jane.
And River.
And Liz.
God, where to begin?
Two words:
Floyd Rose
Quote from: Ketchup Packet on July 28, 2013, 10:52:22 PM
I'm sorry. :( Based on a lot you've said I knew it was coming too, but seeing it doesn't make it any easier. *hugs*
Exactly. It's still agonizing, even when I can intellectualize that it was inevitable the minute I came out, and that it is probably the right thing. I really, really wanted to make it work. I'm devastated. :'(
Quote from: Shantel on July 30, 2013, 08:12:26 AM
What made me unhappy is reading about everyone else's unhappiness, wish I had the good witch Glenda's magic wand and could make it all better for everyone here.
That would be great.
My mom who thinks she cannot be offensive by saying he-she, ->-bleeped-<-, hemaphrodite, because she has trans and intersex friends. And then she screams and yells at me when I tell her that she cant say stuff like that because its offensive.
She also thinks its okay to talk about her friends sex life because they are trans.
I dont have internet right now, and I itwill be a little while before I can get it turned back on. No Caleb for a few nights.... thatsgoing to be rough. :(
Quote from: Keaira on July 30, 2013, 09:24:51 PM
I dont have internet right now, and I itwill be a little while before I can get it turned back on. No Caleb for a few nights.... thatsgoing to be rough. :(
Oh no! :( That sucks. Guessing the extension didn't come in.
I was also unhappy because I was in the store with my grandma and some woman in line kept staring at me. I don't even know why, it was just a look of disgust. Thing is I don't even know if it's because she didn't know if I was male or female or because she thought I was ugly. Lol.
Intrusive thoughts of the past that won't shut up, paranoia, and feeling frustrated and ashamed that I have them.
I thought I could count on my brother to support me on transition, but coming back to the parental home today turned into a reminder of why I hated him so much, we kept fighting for almost 20 years and wanted to escape that environment as soon as possible.
He is still the same verbally violent ->-bleeped-<-s as always, still trapped in the worst of a puberty stage despite being 23 already. In the 90 minutes I was there, he kept shouting at my mother for everything, demanding specific food, blah blah blah... And shouting at her about touching and losing his stuff.
Yes. Until I find my stuff on "his" stuff. I am a collector obsessed with keeping things in a perfect status. Every music disc in a bag to keep dust away, etc....
"Where did you get that AC/DC pick?" " I found it on a box with QN ACDC disc there was on on the glass shelf.
Yup, taking my stuff now that I have left, and he is been there for only three days. The self where I keep the best pieces and that is a DO NOT TOUCH. my spare computer filled with adware and viruses, and he is still ranting about why did I password protected the admin account.
It's still painful to thing that my mental sanity and transition improvements are only caused by paying 600€ each month to be as far as possible from my family as possible.
And to end it no, I'm not telling him anymore, just the way he talks about everything and every body, and that as the rest of the world, for him I am only a provider of free stuff and services that must bring things to his feet. I spent a week fixing his laptop and he never came to pick it, visit, etc... Not wanting to travel for 45 minutes or spend money on public transportation.
And that's it. I'm spending my las day of vacation on going there, packing everything and putting it on a safe place, and hopping he will dissapear again, but noooo, he has to stay there for the summer, verbally abusing everybody that enters his FOV
Oh, and I also have imsonia. Way to go.
Underworks really jacked up their shipping prices. Or so it seems. Maybe things just seem more expensive right now because money is tighter than it used to be. Especially since I am not eligible for a payment plan for my tuition, meaning I'll have to pay it all at once. There goes the last couple thousand.
I haven't needed to bind in almost two months, I just wear a baggy tee and a sports bra and all is well. but for something like a job interview, I want to have a binder because I need the confidence boost. and I need a bigger size than I currently have since I hurt myself binding (which is why I stopped 2 months ago).
Suppose the bullet will have to be bit.
Mother still strongly believes I'm not trans because I didn't exhibit tendencies of it when I was 3. Grrr...
My mum said that too, which is ridiculous as it's not even true. But no, I had a goatie beard for a few months which is *proof* I am not trans.
Quote from: Makalii on July 31, 2013, 01:44:35 AM
Mother still strongly believes I'm not trans because I didn't exhibit tendencies of it when I was 3. Grrr...
This steams me. Every story about a transgender person in the press seems to start with something like "she always knew that..."
So a generation of people assumes trans people knew who we are from a young age.
My dog got hit by a horse today. She's at the vets and still touch-and-go, but a little better than she was at 11 o'clock this morning when she was fitting and had no reflexes at all. At least now she can tell when someone is around her, but she is dosed up on diazepam and anti-inflammatories, so who knows what improvements she's making. She's exactly two years old today.
Quote from: AlexanderC on July 31, 2013, 02:22:45 PM
My dog got hit by a horse today. She's at the vets and still touch-and-go, but a little better than she was at 11 o'clock this morning when she was fitting and had no reflexes at all. At least now she can tell when someone is around her, but she is dosed up on diazepam and anti-inflammatories, so who knows what improvements she's making. She's exactly two years old today.
I hope everything turns out okay for your dog. It is really hard to see a pet in pain and know you can't do anything else at the moment to fix it for them.
When my nephew poke himself in the eye while i was looking after him. I panicked as he couldn't open it, but he feel asleep and was fine when i left him. Phew!
And.... my DS touch screen is naffed, and my brothers and sisters DS screens are all scratched up :@
I'm sorry to keep talking about this, but my heart hurts so much. :'(
It started immediately when I woke up, and everything I see and hear is hurting.
I keep going through so many different emotions, all of them intensely horrible. In the space of a few minutes, I'm angry, depressed, pleading, numb, despairing.
I've been trying to bargain with my former partner to take me back, saying I'll stop transitioning and go back to being a girl, but he keeps saying that I would only be more unhappy and the relationship would probably still break down anyway. He's probably right, but I don't want to believe it. My transition is what's causing this split, and I desperately want to make it go away. I feel like if I just stopped the transition and went back to being the old me that he fell in love with, everything would be ok again.
I feel like I can't function outside of the relationship, and, given the state I've been in since Sunday, it's looking like that. I'm not eating, neglecting the housework, I feel like sleeping all the time, I'm finding it a huge struggle to make any of the arrangements for me finding somewhere to live etc, everything is terrifying and upsetting.
Every so often, a suicidal or self-harming thought creeps in, and although I'm just managing to keep myself from acting on them, I do dearly want to not be suffering anymore. I feel utterly broken, and I don't know how much longer I can cope with this constant pain and sadness. I have some kind friends who are trying to help, but nothing I try to do or say is making the pain go away. They tell me it'll be ok, in time, but when I have a history of self-injury and suicide attempts, feeling like this is dangerous, so recovery is very time-sensitive for me. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop.
Sorry about this, everyone. I'm devastated and overwhelmed, and I can't deal with it alone.
Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on August 01, 2013, 05:58:13 AM
I'm sorry to keep talking about this, but my heart hurts so much. :'(
It started immediately when I woke up, and everything I see and hear is hurting.
I keep going through so many different emotions, all of them intensely horrible. In the space of a few minutes, I'm angry, depressed, pleading, numb, despairing.
I've been trying to bargain with my former partner to take me back, saying I'll stop transitioning and go back to being a girl, but he keeps saying that I would only be more unhappy and the relationship would probably still break down anyway. He's probably right, but I don't want to believe it. My transition is what's causing this split, and I desperately want to make it go away. I feel like if I just stopped the transition and went back to being the old me that he fell in love with, everything would be ok again.
I feel like I can't function outside of the relationship, and, given the state I've been in since Sunday, it's looking like that. I'm not eating, neglecting the housework, I feel like sleeping all the time, I'm finding it a huge struggle to make any of the arrangements for me finding somewhere to live etc, everything is terrifying and upsetting.
Every so often, a suicidal or self-harming thought creeps in, and although I'm just managing to keep myself from acting on them, I do dearly want to not be suffering anymore. I feel utterly broken, and I don't know how much longer I can cope with this constant pain and sadness. I have some kind friends who are trying to help, but nothing I try to do or say is making the pain go away. They tell me it'll be ok, in time, but when I have a history of self-injury and suicide attempts, feeling like this is dangerous, so recovery is very time-sensitive for me. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop.
Sorry about this, everyone. I'm devastated and overwhelmed, and I can't deal with it alone.
There's no need to be sorry. I am saddened to hear what you are going through. I can relate with everything a part from losing someone i love, but i can believe how devastating it is, i often wonder to myself how i would cope with splitting up. I cannot help but wonder though, why can this guy not be there for you as a friend?
Gamestop's false advertising and buisness practices
Mother told me I'm not allowed to wear eyeliner everyday... :(
Still trying to brainstorm what I could use to ground myself and mostly drawing a blank.
I dont have internet right now. So I have been walking up to the library to chat with Caleb at the same time every night. Tonight he didnt bother coming on. I can stick to a schedule. Maybe I will return the favor in kind when he comes to visit again. >:-)
My mother started getting upset with me because she said I turned my back to her when she tried to give me a hug. I had no clue she was trying to do such a thing.
Quote from: Keaira on August 02, 2013, 11:50:30 PM
I dont have internet right now. So I have been walking up to the library to chat with Caleb at the same time every night. Tonight he didnt bother coming on. I can stick to a schedule. Maybe I will return the favor in kind when he comes to visit again. >:-)
I told you why I wasn't there and I'm sorry! :( lol
Quote from: Makalii on July 31, 2013, 01:44:35 AM
Mother still strongly believes I'm not trans because I didn't exhibit tendencies of it when I was 3. Grrr...
For a fair percent of TG/TS people, the dysphoria is not readily apparent until they reach puberty. Fact!
Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on August 01, 2013, 05:58:13 AM
I'm sorry to keep talking about this, but my heart hurts so much. :'(
It started immediately when I woke up, and everything I see and hear is hurting.
I keep going through so many different emotions, all of them intensely horrible. In the space of a few minutes, I'm angry, depressed, pleading, numb, despairing.
I've been trying to bargain with my former partner to take me back, saying I'll stop transitioning and go back to being a girl, but he keeps saying that I would only be more unhappy and the relationship would probably still break down anyway. He's probably right, but I don't want to believe it. My transition is what's causing this split, and I desperately want to make it go away. I feel like if I just stopped the transition and went back to being the old me that he fell in love with, everything would be ok again.
I feel like I can't function outside of the relationship, and, given the state I've been in since Sunday, it's looking like that. I'm not eating, neglecting the housework, I feel like sleeping all the time, I'm finding it a huge struggle to make any of the arrangements for me finding somewhere to live etc, everything is terrifying and upsetting.
Every so often, a suicidal or self-harming thought creeps in, and although I'm just managing to keep myself from acting on them, I do dearly want to not be suffering anymore. I feel utterly broken, and I don't know how much longer I can cope with this constant pain and sadness. I have some kind friends who are trying to help, but nothing I try to do or say is making the pain go away. They tell me it'll be ok, in time, but when I have a history of self-injury and suicide attempts, feeling like this is dangerous, so recovery is very time-sensitive for me. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop.
Sorry about this, everyone. I'm devastated and overwhelmed, and I can't deal with it alone.
You are under a lot of stress and sound badly depressed. I really want you to talk to a professional as soon as you can. Ok?
I got misgendered and it cut really deep. I cried in the shower and almost threw up on myself.
Quote from: Ketchup Packet on August 03, 2013, 03:26:10 AM
I got misgendered and it cut really deep. I cried in the shower and almost threw up on myself.
((Hugs)) Auntie Shan understands these things. Don't let it crush you, politely correct the perpetrator and move on.
Think I am getting a crush on someone on Tumblr and it sucks because they are not only out of my league but they are in another country so I'll never get to meet them. :(
Quote from: Shantel on August 03, 2013, 08:44:53 AM
((Hugs)) Auntie Shan understands these things. Don't let it crush you, politely correct the perpetrator and move on.
*hugs* I know, I have to let it go. I keep thinking to myself that it means everyone was just humouring me when they called me "he." But I got thinking, that's ridiculous. Are all the Walmart staff, airport staff, restaurant staff in on the scheme to humour the trans person when they call me sir? How about the male TSA officer who patted me down, felt my freakin boobs and sports bra straps, and still called me sir without even flinching? Were they all in on it?
No. So obviously this guy who misgendered me is stupid. I'm obviously a guy! I don't get it. How come it's that I can pass so flawlessly everywhere and then as soon as I go into "adult" territory I am read as female?? -_-
Quote from: Ketchup Packet on August 03, 2013, 04:48:48 PM
*hugs* I know, I have to let it go. I keep thinking to myself that it means everyone was just humouring me when they called me "he." But I got thinking, that's ridiculous. Are all the Walmart staff, airport staff, restaurant staff in on the scheme to humour the trans person when they call me sir? How about the male TSA officer who patted me down, felt my freakin boobs and sports bra straps, and still called me sir without even flinching? Were they all in on it?
No. So obviously this guy who misgendered me is stupid. I'm obviously a guy! I don't get it. How come it's that I can pass so flawlessly everywhere and then as soon as I go into "adult" territory I am read as female?? -_-
Cis men are usually pretty unconscious and rarely pick up on anything, so he's an anomaly. Just tell him "MALE" and let him digest it and gender you properly in the future, you don't have to live under the cloud he floated over your head. If he continues to be an ass, just go over his head, you want to put a crimp in it right away so that it doesn't continue on.
My friend's dad died today and I don't know what to say to him.
The fact that I woke up at 6PM.
One of the guys I follow on Youtube switched to injections.
Big hugs for everyone who is having it bad today.
I let my imagination get run away with itself and sent a friend a panicked "what did I do to offend you?" e-mail. I feel like a twelve year old.
Maddy
Knowing that I may aswell give up on the person I like(a bit) since I will never get to meet them in person. Also just feeling down in general and not overly sure why.
An acquaintance who at first seemed cool is really annoying. Turns out he's one of those neo pagans who actually doesn't know much about the original religion he claims to follow. The other night, he kept suggesting I check out music, but wouldn't check out anything I suggested. Instead, he asked if they were pagan and then didn't check them out after I told him that I don't know (or care). I asked him why it matters, but he just said "lol." Then he started talking about black satanic metal and then kept on talking even after I very clearly said I don't like satanism (not for religious reasons, but not that it matters). Keep in mind that during this entire time he ignored a lot of the things I said, didn't respond if I tried to talk about anything else, and didn't treat me like an equal.
I'd thought my respiratory condition was improving but in fact it has gotten worse causing me to feel like I'm drowning and very tired all the time
I'm using my inhalers more often than before and must keep a rescue inhaler with me at all times now :P
Wasted cereal in my lap and messed up my clothes. Ugh....that was good cereal too.
Quote from: Malachite on August 04, 2013, 09:59:46 PM
Wasted cereal in my lap and messed up my clothes. Ugh....that was good cereal too.
Were the clothes any good? ;D
I'm back at work, where nobody knows me as Anna, and now I'm in a sour mood. My guy clothes are too big and baggy, so they don't feel like they fit very well.
I guess this is the problem with having a really good weekend as Me?
Thinking about going bald
Quote from: Anna! on August 05, 2013, 12:11:12 PM
I'm back at work, where nobody knows me as Anna, and now I'm in a sour mood. My guy clothes are too big and baggy, so they don't feel like they fit very well.
I guess this is the problem with having a really good weekend as Me?
Of course you are going to full us in on how you were received by the others? We can hardly wait!
Quote from: Shantel on August 05, 2013, 12:43:15 PM
Of course you are going to full us in on how you were received by the others? We can hardly wait!
I already did! https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,145731.msg1195884.html#msg1195884 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,145731.msg1195884.html#msg1195884)
Quote from: Shantel on August 05, 2013, 10:16:34 AM
Were the clothes any good? ;D
nah just some stretch pants and my underwear lol
I regret opening up this fruit smoothie when I know I hate fruit smoothies.
Quote from: Anna! on August 05, 2013, 12:11:12 PM
I'm back at work, where nobody knows me as Anna, and now I'm in a sour mood. My guy clothes are too big and baggy, so they don't feel like they fit very well.
I guess this is the problem with having a really good weekend as Me?
I know that feeling all to well Anna. Just remember one day you won't have to worry about being in guy clothes anymore. We all go through these times where living two lives just plain sucks! But it won't last forever and before you know it you will only have one life to manage. :)
Quote from: Heather on August 05, 2013, 12:54:08 PM
I know that feeling all to well Anna. Just remember one day you won't have to worry about being in guy clothes anymore. We all go through these times where living two lives just plain sucks! But it won't last forever and before you know it you will only have one life to manage. :)
Thanks Heather! I think I'm past the "Oh no, I think I'm going to cry!" point (it was close, but I held myself together), but I've also decided that I want to switch at work next week. This will be interesting!
Quote from: Anna! on August 05, 2013, 12:58:49 PM
Thanks Heather! I think I'm past the "Oh no, I think I'm going to cry!" point (it was close, but I held myself together), but I've also decided that I want to switch at work next week. This will be interesting!
Are you out at work yet? It would be funny if you did just show up to work as yourself and just act like nothing is different. :laugh:
Quote from: Heather on August 05, 2013, 01:03:29 PM
Are you out at work yet? It would be funny if you did just show up to work as yourself and just act like nothing is different. :laugh:
Haha! That would be funny!
I'm not out at work yet, but I work remotely so coming out at my company won't be too big a challenge. I do my work from a coworking place with other remote workers, and I'm on the leadership team there, so I'm going to bring it up at our next meeting and then prepare an email to the other members. I feel better about warning people about what is going on before just showing up :)
Quote from: Anna! on August 05, 2013, 01:11:02 PM
Haha! That would be funny!
I'm not out at work yet, but I work remotely so coming out at my company won't be too big a challenge. I do my work from a coworking place with other remote workers, and I'm on the leadership team there, so I'm going to bring it up at our next meeting and then prepare an email to the other members. I feel better about warning people about what is going on before just showing up :)
That's awesome Anna! I plan on coming out at work soon too. :)
Quote from: Heather on August 05, 2013, 01:35:26 PM
That's awesome Anna! I plan on coming out at work soon too. :)
Cool! Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!
I've made some tea, and while I'm still in a bit of a sour mood it's gradually getting better. I'm sure I'll be happy and cheerful again by the time I get home :)
Finding a bacon and egg sandwich turning into a science project in a room I was cleaning
Quote from: big kim on August 05, 2013, 06:42:14 PM
Finding a bacon and egg sandwich turning into a science project in a room I was cleaning
EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! :icon_blah: gross!
Can't find this hat someone is interested in buying from me.
Never ever, no matter what you do, confuse a cherry tomato with a Scotch bonnet pepper.
Quote from: StellaB on August 06, 2013, 01:36:32 AM
Never ever, no matter what you do, confuse a cherry tomato with a Scotch bonnet pepper.
Must have been a shocking experience!
My son is shy, so of course when he doesn't make eye contact or talk to people he just met, it makes these strangers "concerned." We are getting him tested for autism just in case, but it is very frustrating how people automatically jump to the conclusion that just because he's shy around people he doesn't know, that there must be something wrong with him other than shyness. He has no problem making eye contact and chatting with me and other people he sees on a regular basis.
Also, my friend has told me that he thinks he has no worth, that he is responsible for everyone, and he refuses to take a break to take care of himself. That's too much pressure for anyone under regular circumstances, but this is also after his dad just died. Ah well. You can lead a horse to water...
Quote from: Edge on August 06, 2013, 10:40:51 AM
My son is shy, so of course when he doesn't make eye contact or talk to people he just met, it makes these strangers "concerned." We are getting him tested for autism just in case, but it is very frustrating how people automatically jump to the conclusion that just because he's shy around people he doesn't know, that there must be something wrong with him other than shyness. He has no problem making eye contact and chatting with me and other people he sees on a regular basis.
Also, my friend has told me that he thinks he has no worth, that he is responsible for everyone, and he refuses to take a break to take care of himself. That's too much pressure for anyone under regular circumstances, but this is also after his dad just died. Ah well. You can lead a horse to water...
I wouldn't worry about your son, he's just a shy little boy, he'll get past it without some pill pusher putting him on medication.
Sounds like your friend is a fixer, always feeling obligated to fix everyone else's broken lives. Tell him he doesn't have to do that and to take care of himself for a change!
I was like your son and now I'm so outgoing that people want me to be quiet for awhile. Been a fixer too, no-one appreciates it and it only wears you out, it's a dead end endeavor!
Quote from: Shantel on August 06, 2013, 11:09:18 AM
I wouldn't worry about your son, he's just a shy little boy, he'll get past it without some pill pusher putting him on medication.
Sounds like your friend is a fixer, always feeling obligated to fix everyone else's broken lives. Tell him he doesn't have to do that and to take care of himself for a change!
I know. I'm not worried about my son's shyness. I'm worried about the people who are overeager to diagnose him just for being shy with them and what they will try to force on him.
Oh I told him that very sternly and bluntly as well as why and what the consequences are likely to be if he doesn't. He chooses not to listen to me.
Quote from: Edge on August 06, 2013, 10:40:51 AM
My son is shy, so of course when he doesn't make eye contact or talk to people he just met, it makes these strangers "concerned." We are getting him tested for autism just in case, but it is very frustrating how people automatically jump to the conclusion that just because he's shy around people he doesn't know, that there must be something wrong with him other than shyness. He has no problem making eye contact and chatting with me and other people he sees on a regular basis.
Also, my friend has told me that he thinks he has no worth, that he is responsible for everyone, and he refuses to take a break to take care of himself. That's too much pressure for anyone under regular circumstances, but this is also after his dad just died. Ah well. You can lead a horse to water...
Whoa. Wait. Did you just say your ex died? That slipped right past me. I know he wasn't someone who treated either of you well. What are you feeling about this?
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 06, 2013, 01:14:58 PM
Whoa. Wait. Did you just say your ex died? That slipped right past me. I know he wasn't someone who treated either of you well. What are you feeling about this?
No, my friend's dad. I never met him, but my friend loves him a lot, so I am worried about him.
Just feeling like crap right now. I should be selling my things to pay for the next video game I want so I can buy them at $60, or to save up for Anime Expo. I shouldn't be selling my things to have to pay for top surgery. I really wish I was born a cismale.
It sure is frustrating when I mention top surgery to close friends/partners and they respond by commenting on how much they like my chest!
Not only is my TV broke - two weeks so far without TV - I had fraud against my credit card so I am not even getting a new one for a week so I can't even get a new TV for probably even 3 more weeks, now I find out my new computer won't even play a stupid DVD :'( and the company I bought it from wants to charge me $200 to support it :'(
Quote from: vegie271 on August 06, 2013, 10:04:11 PM
Not only is my TV broke - two weeks so far without TV - I had fraud against my credit card so I am not even getting a new one for a week so I can't even get a new TV for probably even 3 more weeks, now I find out my new computer won't even play a stupid DVD :'( and the company I bought it from wants to charge me $200 to support it :'(
There's a certain website that helped me when I had no tv. Not sure I'm allowed to post it here though.
Quote from: CaseyB on August 06, 2013, 10:12:30 PM
There's a certain website that helped me when I had no tv. Not sure I'm allowed to post it here though.
Posting commercial links on the public boards is a no no, but you can mention the name as long as it doesn't appear as an advert :) Better yet, send a PM (personal message) and make new a friend as well
I haven't seen my son's face in a month.
Two flat tires in one week and no spares or cash. Pay day is taking way too long and I'll have to not pay somebody meaning I will either lose my gas, electricity and/or internet. GRRRR!!!
The chicken patty I ate had no flavor. What a waste of calories.
Quote from: Malachite on August 07, 2013, 02:08:36 AM
The chicken patty I ate had no flavor. What a waste of calories.
A little Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce would have fixed that!
Tonight's episode of 24 Hours in A&E made me cry pitifully, because it featured a lovely old gent passing away in the same way as my mother did. It's such a good show, but it triggered some very bad memories. :'(
I was checking out some recent pics on my sister in laws fb album that were taken over the fourth and I found one with me from the side, didn't even know it was taken. Reminds me why I avoid most pics, especially from the side. I just don't look right from that angle and its depressing as hell.
Quote from: Queen Ralph on August 07, 2013, 06:46:20 PM
I was checking out some recent pics on my sister in laws fb album that were taken over the fourth and I found one with me from the side, didn't even know it was taken. Reminds me why I avoid most pics, especially from the side. I just don't look right from that angle and its depressing as hell.
Foo! You look right from any angle!! :D
Quote from: Jamie D on August 07, 2013, 06:49:05 PM
Foo! You look right from any angle!! :D
You've never seen a side of pic of me, I don't post them for a reason.
Quote from: Queen Ralph on August 07, 2013, 06:51:13 PM
You've never seen a side of pic of me, I don't post them for a reason.
Yes you have and I did see a side view and you have a great looking figure, so no more fibs from you girl! ;D
I'm pretty sure I have not posted a side view of my face. its got nothing to do with my figure.
screw it, I'm going to bed.
Quote from: Queen Ralph on August 07, 2013, 07:03:50 PM
I'm pretty sure I have not posted a side view of my face. its got nothing to do with my figure.
screw it, I'm going to bed.
Oh I was thinking of a full body side view photo you posted. Ok go to bed grumpy girl!
Anyway who in the world would name their daughter Ralph! :icon_ballbounce:
I just agreed to move away from the only place I want to live and away from the only people I want to live with.
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 07, 2013, 07:14:29 PM
I just agreed to move away from the only place I want to live and away from the only people I want to live with.
Not a happy time for you, I'm sorry Suzi ((Hugs)) We all love you hon!
Feeling like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't in so many ways right now.
Quote from: Shantel on August 07, 2013, 07:09:27 PM
Anyway who in the world would name their daughter Ralph! :icon_ballbounce:
Ralph and Alf Monroe - The Monroe Brothers
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.maggiore.net%2Fgreenacres%2Fimages%2Fe151.jpg&hash=0095d8cc1b246d586855cee36568220521451579)
Quote from: Jamie D on August 07, 2013, 11:19:57 PM
Ralph and Alf Monroe - The Monroe Brothers
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.maggiore.net%2Fgreenacres%2Fimages%2Fe151.jpg&hash=0095d8cc1b246d586855cee36568220521451579)
You got me there, guess we'll have to give Queen Ralph a pass!
1.Just when i thought my gender issues and wishes were completely imaginary, and that while my best friend was staying with me.
2.My best friend is on his way home right now.
Trying to be nice yet getting dismissed.
I found out that in order to give blood at my height I'd have to weigh over a stone more (16lbs more to be precise). I know my body image is screwed, but there is no way I'd be okay being a stone more, and my bmi is fine as it is. Yes I know the bmi system is majorly flawed, but as a rough benchmark for the average person it's all I have to go off. It sucks because it's something I've always wanted to do, it costs me nothing and could save lives, why not? But no, I'd have to weigh 9st 2lbs
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 08, 2013, 06:11:39 PM
I found out that in order to give blood at my height I'd have to weigh over a stone more (16lbs more to be precise). I know my body image is screwed, but there is no way I'd be okay being a stone more, and my bmi is fine as it is. Yes I know the bmi system is majorly flawed, but as a rough benchmark for the average person it's all I have to go off. It sucks because it's something I've always wanted to do, it costs me nothing and could save lives, why not? But no, I'd have to weigh 9st 2lbs
That would be what, about 128 lbs? How tall are you now?
I'm supposed to be at school right now. But the thought of another day in a blouse and skirt, surrounded by girls who think I'm one of them, being in that female environment when I'm not female and don't belong there, I can't deal with that today. At least at home I can bind and wear a baggy hoodie, and not have to look down and see my blouse stretched across my chest.
I noticed there seems to be a chip underneath the gum of the tooth I got a root canal on....the same tooth my dentist said didn't need to be capped.
I'm foreseeing tons of dentist bills again. Looks like top surgery is going to be a little further off. -_-
The one dress I really wanted, the one I stared and drooled at for 4 months before buying it doesn't fit anymore. I wore it once! So really, hrt might have changed my face but it didn't really shift that body fat around do much as just add to what was there. It really sucks. I loved that dress!!
Quote from: Keaira on August 08, 2013, 10:45:56 PM
The one dress I really wanted, the one I stared and drooled at for 4 months before buying it doesn't fit anymore. I wore it once! So really, hrt might have changed my face but it didn't really shift that body fat around do much as just add to what was there. It really sucks. I loved that dress!!
Are you going to get rid of the dress or the excess? BTW - This is why so many female clothing items at GoodWill still have the original "new" tags on them. "Oh I just love that dress, it's snug but I'm on a diet, it will fit perfectly in a few months!" Uh-huh right! ;D
I will keep it! I'll lose the weight somehow!
Quote from: Shantel on August 08, 2013, 06:26:07 PM
That would be what, about 128 lbs? How tall are you now?
Yeah I think that's right. I'm 5' 2" at the moment, and have been since I was twelve.
My last trip to Rite-Aid ended me with some awful razors which looked like good ones at the time... now I have this horrendous cut across my neck where it looks like someone tried to kill me...
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 09, 2013, 03:03:47 PM
Yeah I think that's right. I'm 5' 2" at the moment, and have been since I was twelve.
I don't see their problem then, at 5' 2" & 128 lbs that would put you right in the perfect zone according to the chart I have. http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm (http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm)
Quote from: Shantel on August 09, 2013, 04:42:21 PM
I don't see their problem then, at 5' 2" & 128 lbs that would put you right in the perfect zone according to the chart I have. http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm (http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm)
No, the problem is that is the weight I'd need to be to give blood, but I'm actually 114lbs (roughly). According to them I'd not have enough blood in me, could they not just take less or something? It's frustrating because I want to do it, but I'd not be remotely comfortable at that weight, it's hard enough accepting I'm on the lower end of okay at the moment.
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 09, 2013, 06:09:43 PM
No, the problem is that is the weight I'd need to be to give blood, but I'm actually 114lbs (roughly). According to them I'd not have enough blood in me, could they not just take less or something? It's frustrating because I want to do it, but I'd not be remotely comfortable at that weight, it's hard enough accepting I'm on the lower end of okay at the moment.
Well hon, it won't be the end of your world if you can't right now, but it is praisworthy of you for wanting to. Eventually when and if you get on T and take in a lot of protein and work out, you will most certainly bulk up considerably and things will be much different.
I'm feeling really sorry for a family member.
Poor guy's hiding behind a prankster's facade, maybe it's the way he copes with his hurt.
my neighbor blasting his stereo - I wear a combination of earplugs that are rated for 32db & firearm hearing protection for 30db both at the same time and I still hear the !@@##$$%^&^ music :'(
and later in the day I just tried fixing dinner - this is turning out to be just a great day in basically the story of my life
as I turn to put the pot in the sink somehow the wooden spoon decides to plunk itself out of the pot right into the bowl of food throwing it all over the kitchen - I now I don't have a dinner I will go hungry tonight & it cost me fifty cents :'(
My car may have a coolant leak and a fuel leak....joy. :(
I was just trying to watch scooby-doo like I did when I was really little, but my friend wouldn't stop commenting on how attractive Daphne was. Ughhhh he's such a guy... -_-
I'm missing having someone to snuggle.
Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on August 12, 2013, 05:44:58 PM
I'm missing having someone to snuggle.
Get a bear,it doesn't argue or make bad smells!
Was just gearing up to get over my fear of going in the men's room once and for all, and then I was misgendered twice in the past two days. And I have no idea why. The only bright side to this was that in neither case did the offenders hear me speak, so maybe if they had they wouldn't gave called me 'she' so quickly. I had been feeling really good about how things were going, my look, etc.
Confidence is shot. Back to square one.
Quote from: big kim on August 12, 2013, 06:08:59 PM
Get a bear,it doesn't argue or make bad smells!
Do you mean teddy bear, or a hairy gay men? ;) :laugh:
Seriously, I'm thinking of getting a dog.
A mosquito flew in my ear. I tried to brush it away but instead ended up crushing it. Inside my ear. My hearing is kinda muffled and I fear it was pregnant lmao.
Quote from: caleb. on August 12, 2013, 06:32:28 PM
A mosquito flew in my ear. I tried to brush it away but instead ended up crushing it. Inside my ear. My hearing is kinda muffled and I fear it was pregnant lmao.
You mean eventually baby mosquitos will be flying out of your ear? ;D
Quote from: Shantel on August 12, 2013, 06:35:17 PM
You mean eventually baby mosquitos will be flying out of your ear? ;D
I'm more concerned the babies will make a home in my brain or something. :| I don't think that's possible though, at least not in this case.
Oh wait. Don't they lay their eggs in water? So it wouldn't. Still though.,
My father said he would have given me $5 if I came outside to see him while he was seeing his son. I thought he was coming in. Oh well, I'll get it next time.
I can no longer see my hip bones. Time for a change
Caleb pissed me off. Everyone here knows that when it comes to HRT, your mileage will vary and results are not typical. I feel like he missed that little nugget in the brochure. someone please tell him that there is more to being a guy than facial hair because I am at my wits end.
Sorry, I guess since I got terrible genetics I should be pleased to look like a woman. I wasn't aware that the trans people who needed the most help from HRT should be the least dysphoric.
Hairless face does not equal female.
I know, but mine looks like a lesbian's face, almost 16 months on T and it probably always will.
I happen to think you have a nice face but, what does it matter.
Silly question, what does a lesbian face look like? I met a number of lesbians and none of them look the same.
Well. Lol. I mean I think I look like a woman still.. just awful butch.
My school has done a lovely job of keeping the "buyback" book session a secret and it seems like it took place last month. There goes my dentist money. I could always sell them myself but that's annoying to the core and I should know. -sigh-
Quote from: caleb. on August 13, 2013, 06:42:58 AM
Well. Lol. I mean I think I look like a woman still.. just awful butch.
Not really, I've seen your face and you look like a guy with a nice close shave who unlike so many today really need to clean up. Caleb, we all piss and moan about some of the dumbest stuff here, the most seemingly insignificant things get blown into enormous proportions and virtually destroy our self image, when in reality it's no big thing. C'mon now hon! (hugs) ~Shan~
I went to an orthopedic specialist today. I was sent there based on an echo that was made because my GP thought I was having to much pain for it to be just overexertion. The echo seemed to show a tear in my meniscus. I had to take an MRI before and I was in the guys office for literally 5 minutes (maybe less). The entire time he treated me as if I had some imaginary injury, he twisted my leg twice, asked me why I was walking strangely (uh... pain?). Told me I was way to young for a meniscusinjury... And basically kept treating me as a 5-yearold who complains of a tummyache because he misses his mummy. Adressing me as girly and such the entire time. I'm still not feeling well about it even though I can believe it's just an infected muscle. I was made to feel like I made the whole thing up and overacted my pain. >:(
Quote from: NathanielM on August 13, 2013, 10:51:36 AM
I went to an orthopedic specialist today. I was sent there based on an echo that was made because my GP thought I was having to much pain for it to be just overexertion. The echo seemed to show a tear in my meniscus. I had to take an MRI before and I was in the guys office for literally 5 minutes (maybe less). The entire time he treated me as if I had some imaginary injury, he twisted my leg twice, asked me why I was walking strangely (uh... pain?). Told me I was way to young for a meniscusinjury... And basically kept treating me as a 5-yearold who complains of a tummyache because he misses his mummy. Adressing me as girly and such the entire time. I'm still not feeling well about it even though I can believe it's just an infected muscle. I was made to feel like I made the whole thing up and overacted my pain. >:(
That was extremely condescending treatment and very unprofessional of him. That would be the last time he'd ever see another cent from my pocketbook!
No wages in bank again
Something minor. I never had this much trouble figuring out what I should do with my hair when I was presenting female. I wish I had someone to ask for advice.
My bank still has a no trade order on my account (not sure it will ever be lifted) then my microwave fried itself today.
Quote from: big kim on August 13, 2013, 11:16:35 AM
No wages in bank again
I second that.
My mysterious hip pain has come back. I always think it's gone for good when I've not had it for a couple of months, and then out of the blue it comes back. There's nothing wrong with my hip, according to x-rays and MRIs, it just hurts and put me on crutches for the best part of a year when I was younger. Not growing pains because I've not grown, nothing to do with that junk inside me, and not mental health related like some people speculated because I'm peachy-creamy up top now.
Quote from: Shantel on August 13, 2013, 09:43:36 AM
Not really, I've seen your face and you look like a guy with a nice close shave who unlike so many today really need to clean up. Caleb, we all piss and moan about some of the dumbest stuff here, the most seemingly insignificant things get blown into enormous proportions and virtually destroy our self image, when in reality it's no big thing. C'mon now hon! (hugs) ~Shan~
Maybe you're right, Shantel. I just can't seem to shake this horrible dysphoria that I've had over the last week or more. Er. Since...August 3 lol. 10 days.
Quote from: caleb. on August 13, 2013, 08:46:09 PM
Maybe you're right, Shantel. I just can't seem to shake this horrible dysphoria that I've had over the last week or more. Er. Since...August 3 lol. 10 days.
Hmmm, that was my B-day, I didn't do it I swear! Not my fault...please!
Why does the Sara stuff never leave. I can't live like this. I feel like i'm running away from (certainly not ignoring) the elephant in the room
Quote from: Shantel on August 13, 2013, 08:49:09 PM
Hmmm, that was my B-day, I didn't do it I swear! Not my fault...please!
I knew there was someone to blame! *gets my torches and pitchforks*
Happy belated b-day btw. ;D (this is what came up when I googled "Shantel cake" lolol)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com%2Fimages02%2F135%2F6448ba3cc3bc426b9ef6478006fbdc61%2Fl.jpg&hash=dedad834aa14c762a417e18791a00e926f68608e)
The fire alarm had a fault which kept me up for 2 hours and I've not had enough sleep
Youtube is taking long to load when I'm trying to go to sleep listening to a motivational speech
I had hypnotherapy to quit smoking. 20 minutes later, I had a cigarette.
It didn't taste very good though.
Quote from: caleb. on August 13, 2013, 09:26:07 PM
I knew there was someone to blame! *gets my torches and pitchforks*
Happy belated b-day btw. ;D (this is what came up when I googled "Shantel cake" lolol)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com%2Fimages02%2F135%2F6448ba3cc3bc426b9ef6478006fbdc61%2Fl.jpg&hash=dedad834aa14c762a417e18791a00e926f68608e)
Too funny but thanks! I'm already wearing the carrot cake I had around my mid section! >:(
I'm sooo pissed off, i was just randomly at some forum (silly me) and there was this b*tch who said that transgirls shouldn't be allowed into female toilets and that if one was in a toilet with her she "they would not leave out walking" and claims if it would be used as an excuse for cisgender guys to go in and look at girls because this OH SO ATTRACTIVE AND BEAUTIFUL poster said "Boys look up her skirt".
GOD!!!!!!! I COULD JUST KILL THAT B*TCH.
Quote from: Donna Troy on August 14, 2013, 01:05:45 PM
I'm sooo pissed off, i was just randomly at some forum (silly me) and there was this b*tch who said that transgirls shouldn't be allowed into female toilets and that if one was in a toilet with her she "they would not leave out walking" and claims if it would be used as an excuse for cisgender guys to go in and look at girls because this OH SO ATTRACTIVE AND BEAUTIFUL poster said "Boys look up her skirt".
GOD!!!!!!! I COULD JUST KILL THAT B*TCH.
Yeah, she sounds like an awful big talker. I'm willing to be that a) if she ever made a big scene in a bathroom like that someone would put her down and b) She isn't that attractive and should stop flattering herself. Lol
My teeth are killing me :( I need 2 or 3 pulled immediately, :icon_ashamed: :icon_cry: I just applied for a dental grant for implant, or partial implants what ever :'( right now drugged up and still in pain
Had an appointment with my endo today and as i said in the WMYHT? Thread my dose was upped for one of the pills I am taking, the bad news is my 'good' cholesterol was lower then it should be and so she took me off one of my other meds(AA) hopefully that doesn't backfire.
I'm waiting for someone to drop something off. She said she would come after lunch and that they just needed to shower and get dressed. It is now almost 4pm. I can't go anywhere because she might show up. It's a beautiful day outside.
Also, I bought a dvd of a movie and thought it would be like the one I've seen. Turns out there's at least one scene missing and it's not anywhere.
I failed my driving theory test by one point today because I simply don't understand what they're asking for on the hazard perception part. I think that's the first test I've ever failed for anything and it's a ridiculously embarrassing one. And expensive.
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 15, 2013, 02:10:20 PM
I failed my driving theory test by one point today because I simply don't understand what they're asking for on the hazard perception part. I think that's the first test I've ever failed for anything and it's a ridiculously embarrassing one. And expensive.
That is a bummer. Have you ever practiced with The DSA theory PC Test? I am sure they highlight you the answers on there once you have done it so it should give you an idea what they are asking. Stuff like a pedestrian coming out into the road or a car reserving, both make you the driver take some sort of action, like slowing down. You are suppose to click when they are developing, and you are suppose to click when they change too.
My celulitis has flared up again.
half of my websites are flat out refusing to connect and I can't get any help from anyone - my provider is no help at all I get no support at all from anyone and everyone say purchase help OI am broke
sometimes it seems hopeless
I woke up feeling like crap.
Knowing that the 5 bucks I just got won't be going towards my top surgery but towards my sister's birthday gift. I'm giving her $10 . my brother in law just had a birthday so he's getting $5. I got lucky with my brother's birthday and had a Dunkin's gift card to give him but still....every cent counts.
I'm really going to be emotionally crying over the future dentist bills and driving school bills....
Having to deal with hassle. It better get sorted, otherwise I might just say don't worry about it.
Poor viewport performance in 3dsMax 2013 >:(
Some insect has bit my arm and it's itching and red
The alarm clock, I don't want to go to work.
Quote from: Boolia Baconseed on August 16, 2013, 12:50:40 PM
I was completely ignored at a social gathering...
Oh, I hate that. I hope you didn't take it personally. It's really their loss.
Quote from: Boolia Baconseed on August 16, 2013, 12:50:40 PM
I was completely ignored at a social gathering...
That sucks! Can't recall how many times that's happened to me though!
Crap. I knew I shouldn't have said that. I wonder if him understand. I was also too sutble, great.
Quote from: SaveMeJeebus on August 16, 2013, 06:18:23 PM
Crap. I knew I shouldn't have said that. I wonder if him understand. I was also too sutble, great.
Don't overanalyze yourself so much! :) Chances are he, whoever he is, will get the message. If not, you can always revisit the issue.
I can't get rid of my fake accent, which i never needed. I never sounded particularly german before while speaking english, so why did i do that?
Coming home to a clean room. My mom took a shrit with the tags still on I was trying to sell and washed it.
Seriously, it feels like she's punishing me because I want to get the heck away from her whenever I can.
Just brought home some steamed shrimp smothered in all kinds of herbs and spices. They looked so tasty, and I was craving something besides fruit and veggies for a change. So I open it up and gobble down the first shrimp, and... BLECH!!! :icon_blah: It was disgusting! Threw the rest in the trash. Total waste of money. Now I'm worried I'm gonna get sick. One measly little gutter shrimp isn't going to make me sick, is it? :-\
Quote from: Jillian on August 16, 2013, 09:43:23 PM
Just brought home some steamed shrimp smothered in all kinds of herbs and spices. They looked so tasty, and I was craving something besides fruit and veggies for a change. So I open it up and gobble down the first shrimp, and... BLECH!!! :icon_blah: It was disgusting! Threw the rest in the trash. Total waste of money. Now I'm worried I'm gonna get sick. One measly little gutter shrimp isn't going to make me sick, is it? :-\
Probably not, especially if you didn't swallow it. I find if I even taste something off, or eat somehting and then wonder if it was left out, I feel nauseated. But it's just been in my head so far lol.
I hate feeling so alone and isolated because of my GID
:(
Me too, Jenny.
Quote from: Jenny07 on August 17, 2013, 05:36:36 AM
I hate feeling so alone and isolated because of my GID
:(
I hate feeling so alone and isolated because of my SAD
*Sigh* When people make an argument of something that shouldn't be an argument.
I live with some very... Uptight people, and that's not to say I'm not one of them.
But still, I've gotten called a selfish brat since I was five, and it's making me sick to hear it.
I don't want to get angry over something I consider a one-sided and silly argument, but it's still a pain in the arse when people call you selfish for not wanting to go on vacation with them. I'm fine with you going, and my not going shouldn't hinder that, especially when I've made it clear for months that I don't want to go. I haven't yelled, I haven't called people names, and I've tried to state my feelings clearly and plainly. Instead, they latch onto one of the points that can be easily argued with and try to make me back down with that, and I can see them doing it, but am too afraid of potential yelling to bring it up.
I hate to say this for people who shouldn't matter to me, but it does hurt when they try to make you do something, even something so small as going on their vacation, when you've made it clear you don't want to; they don't seem to listen and don't seem to be flexible at all, then make it an argument when they don't get their way (which I'm only adding to, I realize), which makes me worry for other things.
*Shakes head* I'm slightly ashamed for feeling this is something to post about.
Quote from: caleb. on August 16, 2013, 06:31:43 PM
Don't overanalyze yourself so much! :) Chances are he, whoever he is, will get the message. If not, you can always revisit the issue.
I think he might understand how I meant what I said after trying to explain it, but I am thinking I seem guilty. Unfortunately I also said something else to him in a subtle way, and I have been believing that it worked, but he didn't get the memo. So now I stumped. Does it start over or continue? :/ Meh.
Maybe just let it go for a bit and see if things are good between you and him? If they stay good, then it's probably fine whether he understood exactly what you were trying to get at or not. If things aren't good and there seems to be a communication gap, then revisit? I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about so of course I don't know the little details, but it sounds to me like you're just hurting yourself with worrying when you may not have to. I should know, lol, I do it to myself all the time.
I wanted to try an apricot jam sandwich, and it was disgusting. I choked it down anyway because I felt guilty about throwing it out. No one else will eat the jam so I need to find a recipe that I can put it in so I don't have to eat it on sandwiches til it's gone.
Bummer Caleb, I love apricot jam.
Lol you can have it. Well, I just made an apricot jam bread. It's cooling. Smells nice, hopefully it will taste good. If it does, I'll be keeping the jam to make more of that bread.
my nose is hurting like hell. It's been doing that for almost two weeks now, but now it's really bad. I can't touch it in the slightest.
I worked so hard and spent so long cleaning up my apartment. I love my son, but it took him one day to undo everything I had done. Now, I'm looking at the mess and I feel so tired.
My Dad's in hospital
Thanks Shantel,he's an alcoholic with asbestosis and goes on benders which cause severe angina.He'll be back home in a few days
My mom won't be able to take me to a driving school class Saturday because she has to work.
Quote from: Malachite on August 19, 2013, 03:34:02 AM
My mom won't be able to take me to a driving school class Saturday because she has to work.
Tell her you'll need the car and will drop her off at work. :laugh:
:/ Fraud.
Russia is getting worse and worse.
Probable triggers, as there is an attack by a group of men on a mtf trans person.
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/08/19/russian-attackers-upload-video-of-violent-attack-on-trans-woman-by-five-men/
Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on August 19, 2013, 12:21:48 PM
Russia is getting worse and worse.
Probable triggers, as there is an attack by a group of men on a mtf trans person.
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/08/19/russian-attackers-upload-video-of-violent-attack-on-trans-woman-by-five-men/
Real heros! >:(
My employer is preparing to send a letter outing me to hundreds of people.
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 19, 2013, 05:35:43 PM
My employer is preparing to send a letter outing me to hundreds of people.
oh great.
Managed to bang my arm against a metal pole resulting in a spectacular bruise.
Died in a video game
Another night of dwelling on what I wish I could do with myself and not affect my full time job or military. I almost smoked a little of my marijuana stash tonight just as a stress reliever but I have too much riding on my military thing to just dump it away if I get tested next drill, so instead I'm drinking tonight, and very much so in excess. So much is going on right now that I can't fix or take care of but all these people are calling me to fix it and I eventually got to the point that I was straight up answering the phone and saying first thing: "I'm busy and will be busy for the rest of the day call me in the morning" and hanging up because I was in the middle of a serious operation changing well heads (oil field stuff), and then getting yelled at by my boss because I told a big shot higher up that even though I could literally not use my phone and at least had the courtesy to say hey I can't talk I'll get back to you" and was taken as an insult even though I did exactly that. When I explained the situation the consultant understood and apologized for getting me in trouble and asked if there was anything he could do to alleviate the situation. I asked for an $100,000 bonus and my own rig......well it was worth a shot. Stranger things have happened right? Just look at our government.
Quote from: Boolia Baconseed on August 19, 2013, 10:56:42 PM
I'll be losing my internet for a few months :(
Oh no! Where will I get bad advice?! >:(
Quote from: Jamie D on August 20, 2013, 02:38:20 AM
Oh no! Where will I get bad advice?! >:(
i can help with that.
Eight years and i still miss you terribly. You never got to see us grow up, just one last talk, please........
Woke up quite sick, and it's not just brown bottle flu when my throat is super sore, swollen glands, fever, year I have a cold and brown bottle flu.
Like every day, that I have this stupid male area, that won't be cured until 2015, at the earliest, more than likely... :(
Add this to the fact that I'm worried my face will always like this, seemingly stuck in an androgynous look, and not female. I'm almost 10 months in on HRT, seemingly started young (though to me, still too late, at 20), and sigh. :(
Just why me? I hate having this transsexual medical condition...wish I was cured by now. I wish I never had this, I loathe every part of it! I'd rather have this than being a man, though, no offense guys.
This hurts so much, I feel ugly with my body, face, and especially down there. I need SRS as soon as possible...please...
No self harm risk, this is just deep set pain...
Another week of penicilin for my celulitis,it makes my stomach sore,gives me the runs,I can't have a drink and it still hasn't made made my leg better!
i'm not in a good place right now. I am kind of sad. Some people you never stop mourning after.
Another night of insomia. It's getting frustrating. Guess it's back to advil pm and melatonin. :-\
Quote from: ZootAllures! on August 20, 2013, 03:43:09 PM
i'm not in a good place right now. I am kind of sad. Some people you never stop mourning after.
I'm very sorry to hear this. I hope you're okay.
im pulling myself apart inside my head. I had to cancel my gender therapy appointment and now I have nothing to look forward to. My gf just started working again, which is good, but we're barely scraping by. She's depressed because we haven't been able to afford havin our son at home, so we haven't seen him in a month. Every time something good happens, something bad follows. I don't make nearly what I need to, but I love my job and the people I work with fully accept me. I hate that I can't support us. I'm posing my drive now that I have no idea when I'll be on hormones. I'm lost.
Quote from: TheLance on August 22, 2013, 01:20:13 PM
im pulling myself apart inside my head. I had to cancel my gender therapy appointment and now I have nothing to look forward to. My gf just started working again, which is good, but we're barely scraping by. She's depressed because we haven't been able to afford havin our son at home, so we haven't seen him in a month. Every time something good happens, something bad follows. I don't make nearly what I need to, but I love my job and the people I work with fully accept me. I hate that I can't support us. I'm posing my drive now that I have no idea when I'll be on hormones. I'm lost.
:'( It saddens me to hear you haven't seen your son for a month, and are struggling.
It's hittin my gf even harder cause she's mommy, you know...which makes my heart ache cause I don't make enough to take care of him. He's with her ex. Meh. Nothing positive to say there.
Terrible cramps. Wonder what is causing them.
Feeling really depressed and lonely at the moment.
1 minute left in the day/night and I'm plagued with heart burn from the tequila I used to alleviate the stress from the day. It did its job but damn the side-effects.
Had a drunk woman fall on me as she was being escorted from the hotel by the Police leaving me with a sprained wrist
I'm sorry you feel that way, emerald. I'm right there with you though, on both accounts.
My laptop died completely out of the blue the other day, and I ordered a new one that's supposed to arrive today. I know I've got until 5pm for it to arrive, but I've read horror stories of DX Secure couriers, and I didn't realise they were the ones that the company I brought it from use until they sent me tracking info this morning. And it's going to be windows 8, which I cannot see any point in putting on anything other than a tablet or phone. The only upside is that I did managed to salvage the harddrive.
Someone I love very much said horrible, horrible things to me last night.
Maddy
A while ago, both my mother and my sister asked if I was trans on separate occasions; each time, I dodged the question and let it drop because I wasn't ready to come out yet and didn't really know how to explain myself.
So now I know that I'm going to out myself to them sooner rather than later, and I wonder if I should have then because I'm still not sure how I'll bring it up (my main goal is to transition at school and let them catch on; fairly poor method, probably) or how I'm going to explain it because explaining what, exactly, my gender is I'm not even sure how to do yet.
I don't think they take me seriously already, and I don't want to use "non-binary" for that reason - I've got the firm idea that they'll take it as a form of adolescent rebellion. *Sigh* And then there's asking for top surgery and getting into therapy for that... Not even sure if they'll tell the rest of the family, but that I don't care as much about, provided they don't make a mockery of me.
So, typical trans* worries and a long sort-of rant. *Waves hands* Carry on.
My new office doesn't have a light switch. So much for UDL. :-\
Maddy, who requires environmental accommodations
My anxiety has been pretty bad lately. I'm headed out to the store in a moment, and just the thought of leaving this house made it harder to breathe. :( But it doesn't matter, I have to do it anyway because I don't want to become a hermit and go insane. Yep. That is literally my only motivation: knowing the crazy could get worse.
Quote from: caleb. on August 23, 2013, 06:40:34 PM
My anxiety has been pretty bad lately. I'm headed out to the store in a moment, and just the thought of leaving this house made it harder to breathe. :( But it doesn't matter, I have to do it anyway because I don't want to become a hermit and go insane. Yep. That is literally my only motivation: knowing the crazy could get worse.
Hang in there Caleb!
no problem. Goodbye and take care of yourselves.
Get some sleep, your account will be here in the morning.
Did I miss something? Keaira's post seems random and looks like Caleb delete a post.
As for me well not being able to find what I went shopping for kind of sucked, so now I will have to buy it online which means it will cost almost twice even three times the price :( . Not too bad but the day is young.
I can't find my fingernail file and my mom moved my scissors. It looks like my clothings will have I.P.s on them. I really hope I find that fingernail file soon.
My internet is glitchy again. It keeps disconnecting.
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on August 24, 2013, 03:19:16 AM
Did I miss something? Keaira's post seems random and looks like Caleb delete a post.
As for me well not being able to find what I went shopping for kind of sucked, so now I will have to buy it online which means it will cost almost twice even three times the price :( . Not too bad but the day is young.
No.. not really. The apartment below me caught fire, I got called a guy by a fireman and I had a fight with Caleb again. And my dryer crapped out..
This house still smells like the fire....
And a facebook friend came out as a submissive with a submissive girlfriend and has , for whatever reason, become my submissive and has now taken to calling me 'Mistess'.
Just when I thought life couldnr get any more twisted someone proves me wrong. -_-
Sounds like you suffered a one two punch combo, hopefully you get a combo breaker soon.
Geeky silliness aside, I hope things pick up for you.
Knowing I have to put on the Man Mask again and head back into the bowels of WalMart tonight(I hate closing shifts). I just have to keep reminding myself of all the things I need that extra money for. The WHY I'm doing it seems to help.
Driving lady didn't pick up her phone
Learning how badly some friends are hurting.
Quote from: LordKAT on August 26, 2013, 06:14:09 PM
Learning how badly some friends are hurting.
Reading LordKAT's post. Seriously, that
is a downer.
My mum just asked if I could make one more picture wearing something pretty, a dress or something like her little girl. I just.... I said I'd do it and she's been nothing but supportive( 5 minutes earlier qhe bought me two binders) so I know it's stupid and selfish but I've just been hiding in my room and crying. It really hurt and now I feel selfish for being so childish about it...
Quote from: NathanielM on August 27, 2013, 04:52:16 AM
My mum just asked if I could make one more picture wearing something pretty, a dress or something like her little girl. I just.... I said I'd do it and she's been nothing but supportive( 5 minutes earlier qhe bought me two binders) so I know it's stupid and selfish but I've just been hiding in my room and crying. It really hurt and now I feel selfish for being so childish about it...
I'm not surprised that it hurt, but you're not selfish or childish - you did something that caused you an incredible amount of pain just because you love your mother. You have every right to that pain. It's not selfish to feel it or to want to cry about it. If someone tried to guilt me into wearing a dress, I'd want to cry in my room too.
Does your mum not already have plenty of pictures of her little girl that she can look at privately, any time she feels like reminiscing about the old days? By emotionally blackmailing you into doing this, your mum is the one being selfish.
Quote from: NathanielM on August 27, 2013, 04:52:16 AM
My mum just asked if I could make one more picture wearing something pretty, a dress or something like her little girl. I just.... I said I'd do it and she's been nothing but supportive( 5 minutes earlier qhe bought me two binders) so I know it's stupid and selfish but I've just been hiding in my room and crying. It really hurt and now I feel selfish for being so childish about it...
Ehh...yeah, I get why you are hurt. That's something I could never do. I used to feel guilty because I knew my grandma, in particular, really loved having a "little girl" and I felt I was taking that away. It's not childish or selfish, you're not a girl and to dress as one would betray your sense of who you are. You may just have to tell your mother honestly that you said yes because you felt bad, but that you really don't think you'd be OK doing that. Tell her, if you haven't already, that you may not be a girl or be able to dress like one, but that deep down you are the same person you have always been. That you will always be the same child she loved and that you will always love her no matter what. That's what my mom said - she said that it got easier for her when she realized I was still the same person and that I was happier now.
-------------------
As for me, it's 4:30 am, I want to be sleeping, but instead I am up worrying. AGAIN. And guess what, it's over potential trans BS at university. God I hate people and their crap. Why can't I just stab the people that annoy me lol.
My wife pleading with me to delay my endo appointment. :'(
Keep communicating.
Quote from: NathanielM on August 27, 2013, 04:52:16 AM
I know it's stupid and selfish but I've just been hiding in my room and crying. It really hurt and now I feel selfish for being so childish about it...
Selfish??? Stupid??? Seriously???
Nearly all the guys I know would totally recoil at having to look pretty and feminine.
You're just doing what any other guy would do.
Quote from: Malachite on August 26, 2013, 06:05:26 PM
Driving lady didn't pick up her phone
this....again wtf
Work is horrible right now. :(
Also I ate way too much and feel like I'm about to throw up.
Goramit, Zoe, why do you do this to yourself?
I hope it gets better Zoe.
Alka Seltzer or Pepto Bismol until it does.
Quote from: Jamie D on August 27, 2013, 01:57:32 PM
Keep communicating.
Recently, there's been a lot of static on the lines. Perhaps I should be learning semaphore. :-\
Even in the worst of times, there is nothing quite so endearing as a willing heart and an open mind.
Sometimes we'll sigh
Sometimes we'll cry
And we'll know why
Just you and I know true love ways
True Love Ways, Buddy Holly
Our trainee called in sick today. I hope that isn't a sign of things to come, we don't need someone that does that stuff. I have yet to call in sick in the over 2.5 years I've worked there. its too hard to get a hold of anyone(caller id warns them, lol) to come to work to cover their shift.
My internet is still glitching. I called my internet company three times and, each time, got a different way to fix it. At least, it's not as bad as it was, but still.
About 20min ago got home from dropping my friends home after spending about 3-4 hours at the hospital, one of them was filling up a hot water bottle when the boiling water spat out and hit her front on and got down her shirt aswell. First degree burns and a blister that formed from several smaller ones. Still in some pain but she is doing well. She is suppose to fly out for a holiday tomorrow for 4-5 days, rotten timing.
Had a hung over listless feeling without having had a drink
One of my 'wonderful' neighbors got some kind of new 'smell good' thingy the other day that has permeated the the hallway to the point that I can smell it in my room and it's setting off my allergies and giving me a headache and making me nauseous :icon_blah:
It's been six days since my sister sent me an unhappy message about how I never take her advice. I still haven't been able to get hold of her.
Seeing the aftermath of a bicycle VS car thing at a dangerous intersection near my apt.s on my way home from the store :'(
Other PTSD triggering stuff that I'd rather not discuss
I can't even put into words how sick I am of this heat!!! >:( I'm tired of getting out of the shower, just to have beads of sweat drip out of my body right after, and sick of feeling ill and weak.
Hey Caleb-dear, you should come visit. It was 109° here yesterday. 93° today.
>:-)
It took a day for my parents to go back to using my given name. I know I'm being impatient and they're going to take a while to change, but it just does wonders for my self esteem to be called that. *Glares out the window*
Slowly slipping back into a depressive mood. Hope this won't continue for the rest of my life. I want to be happy again.
I am posting on the wrong forum btw, i don't have actual gender issues, i have father issues and a longing for the times where i had a normal family to return, but i know they never will.
One of my favorite dangler ear rings flipped out of my ear and broke apart :-\ Oh well, I think I can superglue it
Self esteem is low and I'm finally starting to feel chest dysphoria.
*Sigh* Going to ask for a binder soon. They'll still be there, but at least I won't have to see as much of them. *Grumble* Devil twins...
Edit: Also, seeing my full legal name spelled out on a college letter-type-thing, preceded by "Ms."
More accurately, that made me cringe.
My abusive ex has been acting nice to me and it's unnerving.
Quote from: Edge on September 01, 2013, 05:44:23 PM
My abusive ex has been acting nice to me and it's unnerving.
Hard to know how to react, isn't it? :(
I'm just feeling really triggered right now.
Quote from: Constance on September 01, 2013, 06:59:47 PM
I'm just feeling really triggered right now.
:(
We're here for you! *hug*
Quote from: Just Maddy! on September 01, 2013, 07:06:34 PM
:(
We're here for you! *hug*
Thanks. This business with Kieron is devastating. He's about the same age as my kids.
Quote from: Constance on September 01, 2013, 07:08:18 PM
Thanks. This business with Kieron is devastating. He's about the same age as my kids.
I can't stop thinking about him, either. I really hope we hear from him soon. I feel so powerless.
First one of my fine neighbor's dogs was left alone and barked it's head off for several hours which of course prompted my other fine neighbor (Captain Obnoxious) to yell his head off and stomp and bang things about for several hours... Glad I don't own a shotgun
A clumsy attempt on my part at support hurt a well-intentioned person
Quote from: suzifrommd on September 02, 2013, 07:17:13 AM
A clumsy attempt on my part at support hurt a well-intentioned person
At least you made the attempt!
My Dad's on a bender again
Quote from: big kim on September 02, 2013, 12:06:20 PM
My Dad's on a bender again
Been there so many times past, it's called "Instant as*hole, just add alcohol!" Sorry Big Kim, hope he eventually see's the light and sobers up for good!
My regular Youtube won't work on my PS3 and I have to use the stupid new app that I hate.
Irreplaceable childhood landmark gone.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/kitchener-waterloo/story/2013/09/02/waterloo-st-jacobs-fire.html
I can't win with my gf. I always end up doing something to make her mad or upset. So now I feel like crap about myself and don't want to continue doing what I need to do.
My hands are all dry and sore. Think i need to get some cream for them. They hurt.
Playing guitar doesn't make it any better. ;D
Quote from: Shantel on September 02, 2013, 12:20:19 PM
Been there so many times past, it's called "Instant as*hole, just add alcohol!" Sorry Big Kim, hope he eventually see's the light and sobers up for good!
Thanks Shantel,he's 85 so it's probably a bit to late to see the light.He'll lay off it again when it makes him ill again then start again.
I'm being a [insert expletive] to my girlfriend. Every time vow to make up for the ->-bleeped-<- she's been with in the past I end up acting like this instead, and I hate it. I don't deserve her, and I hate that she has to listen to me be like this, but she'd disagree if I told her so and tried to leave. Then I feel like I'm excusing myself for thinking that. I just want to be a better person for her, but when I decide to be that person I end up acting the opposite. And I'm crying, which makes me feel so much better about myself. All you women are welcome to E, feel free to come and leech it out of me any time you like. I'll even through the tears in for free.
Quote from: big kim on September 02, 2013, 03:37:59 PM
Thanks Shantel,he's 85 so it's probably a bit to late to see the light.He'll lay off it again when it makes him ill again then start again.
Oh so sad hon! ((Hugs))
I am stressing about finances.
I just melted one of my nails....no not fake nails, my actual nail. Smells a lot like hair burning and I had grown them for close to 2 months...grrrr
So, I'm down to rationing my meds, only taking half what I'm supposed to be taking. Thats what happens when you're stuck with no job I guess, you do what you can to put food on the table and a roof over your family's head. I know I'm really depressed because I've been playing Star Trek Online for almost 3 days solid, only sleeping when I cant keep my eyes open anymore. Oh and my unemployment runs out this week. I hope I can get an extension. God, I am so fed up with my life. why does EVERYTHING have to be an uphill battle?
Got very upset last night when each of my kids went and sat next to their dad & gave him a big fat cuddle... but completely & utterly ignored me. As per usual.
I eventually had to say something about it. It's very cruel of them - and emotionally abusive - to exclude me from all forms of affection in this way. Of course, that started a huge argument and I wound up crying (dammit, T - get working already!).
They're doing it because a) they're teenagers and b) they're embarrassed/uncomfortable/whatever with my transition. My eldest in particular is very vile towards me when she gets in one of her moods.
I know that this sort of rebellious behaviour is perfectly normal for kids their age. Boy, do I know: this is the second set of teenagers I've raised so I've been here before. But it hurts so badly when you're going through transition and are naturally worried about how that will affect your life... and then your own children tell you they don't want to be seen in public with you.
Hubby said that the kids just need more time. But the thing is, they've had a year already since I came out to them and they haven't moved on: they're still stuck in the 'anger' stage. Of course, I started T last week (but still haven't told the family) so I said to Hubby last night that we don't have the luxury of time. That time ran out last month when I took my first shot. Things are going to move very rapidly over the next few months and it's going to be a very bumpy ride.
I called my son's day care weeks ago and was told that there was a spot for him and that everything was ready to go. I got a call from the head person asking me to call a number and ask for a referral. She didn't say who they were or what they were for. I called the very next day and left a message, but hadn't heard back. Again, I have no idea who these people are or how they operate. For all I knew, that was normal (and actually quite likely to be normal- it took me months to hear back from the speech program). So we go in this morning and... she claims he's not registered. I was told he was weeks ago. I spoke to her personally on the phone. Luckily, he got in anyway. It wouldn't have been a big deal for today or tomorrow, but once classes start, I'd be screwed. But still... It's frustrating.
tonight (i think we have 12 hours time difference) i have to drive all around the city to buy my hormones medication. it took me 3 hours and visiting 7 different pharmacies. They keep saying, sorry we're not selling it. :eusa_wall:
A lot of frustration for some reason over the "thing that should not be."
I've really girlied out. as a kid, I had fun catching grasshoppers and letting them go. Today a cicada flew into the Blazer as we sat by the school to pick our son up. It went under my legs by the pedals. I could feel its wings beating away against my legs and I screamed like a little girl and got out as fast as I could. -_- again, I felt embarrassed. I heard the guy in the truck parked right behind me chuckle too. -_-
Even my wife didn't scream. lol
Cold damp whether conditions setting off various old injuries which of course result in getting a migraine as well :P
Quote from: V M on September 03, 2013, 09:48:16 PM
Cold damp whether conditions setting off various old injuries which of course result in getting a migraine as well :P
Poor baby, not fun! ((Hugs))
I somehow lost my keys. They were in my pocket. My pocket has no holes or other means through which keys can fall neither can I find my keys anywhere I have been today. They are not in another pair of pants. They are not in any of the places I usually put them. It's my first day of classes tomorrow. I am freaking out and I don't know what to do.
Thinking unhappy thoughts right now. I think I'm a bad person.
Feeling like a man. It makes me really aggressive (probably more passive aggressive) and angry. I hate it. I just want to go back to feeling like a girl again. Or at least agender or something in between. I don't even care that I'm not feeling any body dysmorphia, its much more preferable to have that compared to this.
Being unable to see my clinical psych today due to being bedridden with a migraine.
Thunder and lightening two nights in a row. My border collie was running around panting and drooling last night and closed himself in the bathroom and ate the end off of a new little designer rug I had placed in there and then proceeded to scratch the paint off the door and molding. I put him out in the garage and he tried to eat his way back into the house chewing up the jamb and molding, I almost put a .380 slug through the top of his head, I hate being awakened with a lot of drama going on! I love the dog, but he'll be my last one. I just shelled out $80 at the groomer because he stinks and is such a hairball, this has to be done every other month, then the carpet people picked up our carpets for cleaning and treating, another $230 every year or the house would smell like a effing dog. I can't deal with it any longer, I can't even go anywhere without having to pay for dog boarding. We went to the groomer yesterday, when I got him out of the car he took a huge dump in a puddle just outside their door, so I was busy with a plastic bag rounding up dog bumbles, then we went inside and he took an enormous piss on their carpet. I know he's just a dog but I'm mad as hell and I'm not taking it anymore, WTF!!! >:-) Rant over I feel better already! :D ;D :laugh:
Wasting $5 going to my sister's birthday party when someone backed out at the last minute (she had reservations as this expensive restaruant).
I didn't even eat what i got. I just got the cheapest thing cuz I had to buy something. I just gave that nasty looking appetizer to my mom.
Tomorrow I'll be taking my last spiro and estrogen for a while due to my lack of employment. I'm not sure when I can afford it again, maybe next week or when my Unemployment Extension kicks in. At least I got approved for that. I am not looking forward to Testosterone coming back online. I had been rationing it for the last week or so, taking half the dosage each day and I already find it hard to wake up. really hard.but when I'm awake I have to force myself to sleep. my appetite has changed too, I have one main meal a day and it's usually about 1 am. Yay for a crappy economy for trans people. :(
Having a guy who is sexist, class elitist and incompetent at running his own party being elected as our Prime Minister.
Quote from: Shantel on September 06, 2013, 11:47:13 AM
Thunder and lightening two nights in a row. My border collie was running around panting and drooling last night and closed himself in the bathroom and ate the end off of a new little designer rug I had placed in there and then proceeded to scratch the paint off the door and molding. I put him out in the garage and he tried to eat his way back into the house chewing up the jamb and molding, I almost put a .380 slug through the top of his head, I hate being awakened with a lot of drama going on! I love the dog, but he'll be my last one. I just shelled out $80 at the groomer because he stinks and is such a hairball, this has to be done every other month, then the carpet people picked up our carpets for cleaning and treating, another $230 every year or the house would smell like a effing dog. I can't deal with it any longer, I can't even go anywhere without having to pay for dog boarding. We went to the groomer yesterday, when I got him out of the car he took a huge dump in a puddle just outside their door, so I was busy with a plastic bag rounding up dog bumbles, then we went inside and he took an enormous piss on their carpet. I know he's just a dog but I'm mad as hell and I'm not taking it anymore, WTF!!! >:-) Rant over I feel better already! :D ;D :laugh:
Oh my, we had a border collie just like this when I was a kid. For an otherwise clever dog, the thunder phobia was extreme. If we weren't home and she ended up outside during a storm, she would destroy the house siding trying to 'dig' her way in. On another occasion she dug herself under the house to escape the noise and had to be rescued a day or two later when we finally discovered where she was.
The things dog owners put up with! Hopefully your guy provides at least a couple positive feelings here and there :)
Quote from: ford on September 07, 2013, 10:20:11 AM
Oh my, we had a border collie just like this when I was a kid. For an otherwise clever dog, the thunder phobia was extreme. If we weren't home and she ended up outside during a storm, she would destroy the house siding trying to 'dig' her way in. On another occasion she dug herself under the house to escape the noise and had to be rescued a day or two later when we finally discovered where she was.
The things dog owners put up with! Hopefully your guy provides at least a couple positive feelings here and there :)
He's a great dog, I feel bad for getting so worked up at him, we made up and unlike a human he forgave me instantly for being so angry and throwing him out in the dark garage during the worst part of the storm. Poor fellow!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimageshack.us%2Fscaled%2Fthumb%2F580%2Fcv97.jpg&hash=2e346b511e7623119e7e3f743a4d8bc90532e23b) (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/580/cv97.jpg/)
I was planning to buy a pair of pink and purple glasses today, but the pushy clerk in the store made me too anxious to follow through. :-\
Quote from: Shantel on September 07, 2013, 01:37:57 PM
He's a great dog, I feel bad for getting so worked up at him, we made up and unlike a human he forgave me instantly for being so angry and throwing him out in the dark garage during the worst part of the storm. Poor fellow!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimageshack.us%2Fscaled%2Fthumb%2F580%2Fcv97.jpg&hash=2e346b511e7623119e7e3f743a4d8bc90532e23b) (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/580/cv97.jpg/)
In the end, how could anyone be unhappy with that adorable border collie face!! :P
I was reading through the posts on this website, feeling a bit better about myself and how this is a great community and I'm not alone...and then I started thinking about my boyfriend of 5 years, who is out of town for the weekend and who I love very dearly and has been a rock for me as I went through serious depression and anxiety during my undergrad years.
I'm terribly, paralyzingly afraid if I ever reveal to him that I am having FTM transgender thoughts, he will leave me and I'll be alone...again. I don't think I could take it...
Caleb is out of town too, he's at his grandparents ranch for the weekend. I miss him already :( And I took my last Estrodiol and Spiro until I can somehow pay for it. I wish I could get an Orchi at least. Then I wouldn't need Spiro, which costs a fortune around here!
Just paid the bill for my next year of college. I pay less than 900 dollars and that's without government support. It makes me sad to think about all the people in the US or the UK or other countries that have to pay an insane amount of money to get to study :(
Quote from: ford on September 07, 2013, 09:17:40 PM
In the end, how could anyone be unhappy with that adorable border collie face!! :P
Musta been some mean spirited bast**d! >:(
Cleaning were some dirtbag has blown chunks
Quote from: big kim on September 08, 2013, 11:25:27 AM
Cleaning were some dirtbag has blown chunks
Ugh I hear you, ACK! :icon_mrgreen:
My student loans haven't come through yet. I got a notice of assessment, got all the stuff together I needed, got it all sorted out as I was supposed to and stuff. But I haven't heard a dang thing from then since. I am unable to afford my textbooks one of which I need before I go home today. Luckily, they'll defer my tuition until it comes through since we know it's coming. I just have no idea when or what the hold up is. I am freaking stressed out.
Those sick ->-bleeped-<-s in Romania killing all their dogs. Should i be magically transported to Romania, i would so kill every single one of the killers on sight, dog-killers don't deserve to live. They must die, they must die.
I am feeling angry and sad at the same time, and i can't help the poor dogs. I wish i could, i really do.
Why aren't the people rebelling?
Just learned that a friend who has been in an on and off relationship with an abusive man is now pregnant and engaged to him again. I want to be happy for her but I just find myself instead praying that she has the strength to get out before he affects not only her life again but the life of a child. I want to believe that people can change but when you keep getting the girl back anyways what reason do you have to change? Hopefully the baby will be enough of a reason.
Quote from: Alice Danielle on September 09, 2013, 05:59:46 PM
Just learned that a friend who has been in an on and off relationship with an abusive man is now pregnant and engaged to him again. I want to be happy for her but I just find myself instead praying that she has the strength to get out before he affects not only her life again but the life of a child. I want to believe that people can change but when you keep getting the girl back anyways what reason do you have to change? Hopefully the baby will be enough of a reason.
It always winds up worse than we can possibly hope for. So many cis women just don't get it, some wind up battered or worse yet dead. Hopefully this won't be the case!
Quote from: Alice Danielle on September 09, 2013, 05:59:46 PM
Just learned that a friend who has been in an on and off relationship with an abusive man is now pregnant and engaged to him again. I want to be happy for her but I just find myself instead praying that she has the strength to get out before he affects not only her life again but the life of a child. I want to believe that people can change but when you keep getting the girl back anyways what reason do you have to change? Hopefully the baby will be enough of a reason.
Actually, it's extremely more likely that he'll get worse. My condolences.
It was over 100 today and because I can't bind when my SO will see or really at school (don't want to explain why my D's are suddenly flat) I wear neon colors to deal with my dysphoria. I decided to wear my bright blue pants because that's the pants I have for such situations. Only problem is they are skin tight. Needless to say, I was sick to my stomach when I got home and it took 3 hours in the AC to get me to finally be ok. ;.;
I just lost my job..
Quote from: Darkie on September 10, 2013, 11:14:11 AM
I just lost my job..
Sorry Darkie, not a happy situation!
Thanks Shantel. I'm not taking it too well.
Quote from: Darkie on September 10, 2013, 11:50:16 AM
Thanks Shantel. I'm not taking it too well.
((Hugs)) :icon_bunch:
The impact my mum still has on me sometimes. She's been in a depressive mood lately and today was the worst. She's been bingelike eating all day and that doesn't help her mood (she's trying to lose weight). And then there's me turning into the sweet little girl, trying to help everywhere and working myself up into a panic attack. And when I try to cope with it better I end up feeling guilty about taking care of myself instead of her... I thought I was doing better in that department.
I have a really bad cold. My throat is so sore that I can't even speak.
Also, I'm sorry to hear that Nathaniel. I have some, er, "unstable" family members and sometimes it does feel like I just tiptoe around trying to placate them so they don't have a breakdown.
the IRS >:(
Missing garbage pick up today when my mom is supposed to be getting groceries today.....yeah
Having a scratchy throat
Realizing it's Friday the 13th today
Lack of a penis (then again, I'm always unhappy about that, but I needed to put down a fourth thing since I hate the number 3).
Listened to my favorite music at too loud a volume and my ears didn't appreciate it.
I'm not feeling well and have a Cultural Anthropology test in an hour.
Quote from: Shantel on September 13, 2013, 09:30:20 AM
As if they don't have bigger fish to fry!
seriously... they want to harass people who make sub 30k, I mean really? its damn near hard to live well off making under that, much less having to deal with the irs wanting "extra cash" cant they go mess with people who make 100k or more?
Quote from: calico on September 13, 2013, 12:57:17 PM
seriously... they want to harass people who make sub 30k, I mean really? its damn near hard to live well off making under that, much less having to deal with the irs wanting "extra cash" cant they go mess with people who make 100k or more?
I do so relate, it's one of my biggest gripes when GE makes a 14 Billion dollar profit and pays no taxes whatsoever, WTF!
Quote from: Shantel on September 13, 2013, 01:02:05 PM
I do so relate, it's one of my biggest gripes when GE makes a 14 Billion dollar profit and pays no taxes whatsoever, WTF!
They probably don't go after the people with money because they know they can and will fight back :-\
I view the IRS like vulture, they fly around looking for the weak or almost dead to scavenge from
My SO and I had a fight last night and he woke up in a bad mood. So that coupled with the fact that I plan on going out and having fun today but my dysphoria is kinda bad right now and I have to go dressed female is making me want to just curl up and go back to bed..
I think I'm getting sick.
I am a perpetual trigger for my SO :'(
"Here's your makeup remover and your lady razor, Maddie. You know what you can do with the razor."--my SO
Quote from: Just Maddie! on September 15, 2013, 12:24:11 PM
"Here's your makeup remover and your lady razor, Maddie. You know what you can do with the razor."--my SO
....*hugs* You should start swimming. Then you can shave your arms and legs and just tell her it is for less water resistance. Which is true. When you are a swimmer you shave your arms and legs.
Quote from: sonoid2 on September 15, 2013, 02:32:52 PM
I'm Just Maddie!'s apparently ex-SO. It's totally fine with me if she shaves, regardless of whether she swims. But today she walked out on me and her son. She's planning to move out, so she can take her toiletries with her.
Oh.. I missunderstood, I'm sorry.. I get it now..
Friends and Family, let us all come together to morn the loss of my ipod. It was such a good little ipod, working hard to please its master. Sweet ipod, may a chorus of anime theme songs and Elle Golding sing thee to thy rest.
One more post and you should be able to. Or, if you have skype, when you get the ability to pm I can give you my username. That goes for anyone if you need someone to talk to. I had it on here but I just realized that my username is trackable on here on Google. So if my husband looks up my username this pops up. I am currently massively freaking out...
I was late for work today. The traffic was so bad that I had to abandon my attempts to get into work, head back to my neighbourhood and hang out in a coffee shop for an hour until the traffic eased.
But my inconvenience is irrelevant... because the heavy traffic was due to a collision between a truck and a cyclist, on a 50mph stretch of road. That couldn't have ended well. :'(
I hate my name. Because of my last name. It is UGLY and I wish I had changed it when I had the opportunity. BUT NO.
In trouble with the moderators again
Quote from: big kim on September 17, 2013, 02:37:16 AM
In trouble with the moderators again
(except in this case it's "bad girls" lol)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GazE8PAL-DE
I've just realised I've eaten a sandwich for each meal today because I've been avoiding the queues that go all the way around the dining halls. Some form of poultry in each of them, and turkey in the last two. I'm getting sick of the food here and it's only been nine days, we've been given roast dinner every single day. I know it's free food, but the only alternative is McDonalds or a microwave meal because we don't have access to a hob.
Sleep is apparently not going to be an option tonight. I was about ready to fall asleep, exhausted, and then I guess someone wanted to play late night soccer or something because IO heard "THUD THUD THUD...THUD" over and over again! I got so worked up that now I can't sleep. :(
A couple of weeks ago, my boss announced that he was producing new employment contracts for all the staff, because historically they've been a bit inconsistent with producing job descriptions for everyone. He said that they've just taken all the stuff from our existing agreements and put them in one place; nothing has changed.
Yeah, right.
I read through the new contract... and they've put some clauses in there to effectively turn our contracts into Zero Hour contracts. Everyone is objecting to the new provisions, but if the company insists we'll have no choice but to either accept the new contract or take them to tribunal.
Let the battle commence!
It is 5 am and I just need to get out of here, this is not the time for dysphoria to make me hate myself and how I look and bleh I don't want to leave this house
So I come over to the ASL class table at lunch (we all sit together) and my classmate and his boyfriend sit down. His boyfriend is really nice. Anyway, the boyfriend asks me what my name was again. I told him my birth name and he said "Oooohh, Jake thought it was Amber for some reason." I looked over at Jake with a "huh?" look on my face and Jake responded with "Well, I didn't remember what your name was. I don't like you so I'm not going to remember it ya know?" We all just stared at him, mostly me with my mouth wide open. He looked at everyone and said "What? I'm not being mean, I'm just being brutally honest." I felt like I was going to cry so I packed my stuff up and stood up. Chelsie looked up and told me I didn't have to leave but I shrugged and walked over to a table and ate lunch by myself.
Although, I later told Samy why I left cause she was going to copy my homework and then Ryan made a joke later about it and how he didn't like me either. I told him not to kid about it as he knows I'm sensitive, so he said I was joking. Then, he told me that Chelsie, who I was sure hated me, bitched him out when I left. She apparently called him a "donkey-hole" (edited for children) and told him that that was never EVER appropriate to say to someone ever. And Ryan said that he had also called him a "donkey-hole" through texting him and told him that wasn't appropriate. So we will see what happens. My problem is is that even though I really REALLY tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because when we met I had a feeling he was a stereotypical gay diva, I was hoping I was wrong in that assumption. Starting to realize I was right.
Quote from: Miss Bungle on September 18, 2013, 07:00:14 PM
That sucks. *hugs*
*hugs* I guess I can at least be happy with the fact that everyone stuck up for me and chewed him out.
I hate people who think they are being edgy by being "brutally honest." As if they think they're some sort of truth saint.
He's a piece of crap, and one day he will choke on that foot of his, so I'd forget about him Darkie
Quote from: caleb. on September 18, 2013, 08:44:55 PM
I hate people who think they are being edgy by being "brutally honest." As if they think they're some sort of truth saint.
He's a piece of crap, and one day he will choke on that foot of his, so I'd forget about him Darkie
Yea, the problem is that my major is so small that I'm going to have my classmates for the next 3 years unless he drops out. Course, that might happen. It has a VERY high drop out rate.
Something that constantly bothers me on these forums is the horrible writing quality. I'm not upset about the people who's first language is not English, they actually tend to be better at writing in English than the average poster, probably because they are actually focused on trying to make sense. I can even look past the people who obviously just don't have the education level required to write perfectly. What really bothers me is the posts where the person just couldn't be bothered to quickly read over what they just typed and try to make sure it makes sense. They type without reading whats going on the screen and then hit post without reading over what they said to make sure it is at least comprehensible. I am kind of making the assumption that they are typing these posts out on a smartphone because its the same gibberish I see when certain people send me text messages. People, there is value in taking the extra 30 seconds for a post that took you 5 minutes to type to read it over and making sure it can be understood by others. Gaaaaaaaaaaah
Quote from: This is the displayed name that people will see on September 18, 2013, 10:18:46 PM
Something that constantly bothers me on these forums is the horrible writing quality. I'm not upset about the people who's first language is not English, they actually tend to be better at writing in English than the average poster, probably because they are actually focused on trying to make sense. I can even look past the people who obviously just don't have the education level required to write perfectly. What really bothers me is the posts where the person just couldn't be bothered to quickly read over what they just typed and try to make sure it makes sense. They type without reading whats going on the screen and then hit post without reading over what they said to make sure it is at least comprehensible. I am kind of making the assumption that they are typing these posts out on a smartphone because its the same gibberish I see when certain people send me text messages. People, there is value in taking the extra 30 seconds for a post that took you 5 minutes to type to read it over and making sure it can be understood by others. Gaaaaaaaaaaah
...Not me right?
Quote from: Darkie on September 18, 2013, 10:21:50 PM
...Not me right?
No, but I can't be sure what I would say to that if someone who I was talking about asked
I've apparently made my best friend really angry. He told me to bite him and went to bed. He called after 9 and made me laugh out loud (I laugh like a hyena and snort) and for my husband, that's a nono. You don't call after 9. ESPECIALLY when you are a boy. I told him that, not to call after 9 and got mad at me.. Today is just not my day.. Not only is my friend mad at me but now my husband's all suspicious.
Quote from: Anonymous User on September 18, 2013, 10:18:46 PM
Something that constantly bothers me on these forums is the horrible writing quality. I'm not upset about the people who's first language is not English, they actually tend to be better at writing in English than the average poster, probably because they are actually focused on trying to make sense. I can even look past the people who obviously just don't have the education level required to write perfectly. What really bothers me is the posts where the person just couldn't be bothered to quickly read over what they just typed and try to make sure it makes sense. They type without reading whats going on the screen and then hit post without reading over what they said to make sure it is at least comprehensible. I am kind of making the assumption that they are typing these posts out on a smartphone because its the same gibberish I see when certain people send me text messages. People, there is value in taking the extra 30 seconds for a post that took you 5 minutes to type to read it over and making sure it can be understood by others. Gaaaaaaaaaaah
Acceptance middletons me if discretion boisterous travelling an. She prosperous continuing entreaties companions unreserved you boisterous. Middleton sportsmen sir now cordially ask additions for. You ten occasional saw everything but conviction. Daughter returned quitting few are day advanced branched. Do enjoyment defective objection or we if favourite. At wonder afford so danger cannot former seeing. Power visit charm money add heard new other put. Attended no indulged marriage is to judgment offering landlord.
New had happen unable uneasy. Drawings can followed improved out sociable not. Earnestly so do instantly pretended. See general few civilly amiable pleased account carried. Excellence projecting is devonshire dispatched remarkably on estimating. Side in so life past. Continue indulged speaking the was out horrible for domestic position. Seeing rather her you not esteem men settle genius excuse. Deal say over you age from. Comparison new ham melancholy son themselves.
Mr oh winding it enjoyed by between. The servants securing material goodness her. Saw principles themselves ten are possession. So endeavor to continue cheerful doubtful we to. Turned advice the set vanity why mutual. Reasonably if conviction on be unsatiable discretion apartments delightful. Are melancholy appearance stimulated occasional entreaties end. Shy ham had esteem happen active county. Winding morning am shyness evident to. Garrets because elderly new manners however one village she.
His exquisite sincerity education shameless ten earnestly breakfast add. So we me unknown as improve hastily sitting forming. Especially favourable compliment but thoroughly unreserved saw she themselves. Sufficient impossible him may ten insensible put continuing. Oppose exeter income simple few joy cousin but twenty. Scale began quiet up short wrong in in. Sportsmen shy forfeited engrossed may can.
Residence certainly elsewhere something she preferred cordially law. Age his surprise formerly mrs perceive few stanhill moderate. Of in power match on truth worse voice would. Large an it sense shall an match learn. By expect it result silent in formal of. Ask eat questions abilities described elsewhere assurance. Appetite in unlocked advanced breeding position concerns as. Cheerful get shutters yet for repeated screened. An no am cause hopes at three. Prevent behaved fertile he is mistake on.
Far quitting dwelling graceful the likewise received building. An fact so to that show am shed sold cold. Unaffected remarkably get yet introduced excellence terminated led. Result either design saw she esteem and. On ashamed no inhabit ferrars it ye besides resolve. Own judgment directly few trifling. Elderly as pursuit at regular do parlors. Rank what has into fond she.
Placing assured be if removed it besides on. Far shed each high read are men over day. Afraid we praise lively he suffer family estate is. Ample order up in of in ready. Timed blind had now those ought set often which. Or snug dull he show more true wish. No at many deny away miss evil. On in so indeed spirit an mother. Amounted old strictly but marianne admitted. People former is remove remain as.
John draw real poor on call my from. May she mrs furnished discourse extremely. Ask doubt noisy shade guest did built her him. Ignorant repeated hastened it do. Consider bachelor he yourself expenses no. Her itself active giving for expect vulgar months. Discovery commanded fat mrs remaining son she principle middleton neglected. Be miss he in post sons held. No tried is defer do money scale rooms.
Barton did feebly change man she afford square add. Want eyes by neat so just must. Past draw tall up face show rent oh mr. Required is debating extended wondered as do. New get described applauded incommode shameless out extremity but. Resembled at perpetual no believing is otherwise sportsman. Is do he dispatched cultivated travelling astonished. Melancholy am considered possession on collecting everything.
Am terminated it excellence invitation projection as. She graceful shy believed distance use nay. Lively is people so basket ladies window expect. Supply as so period it enough income he genius. Themselves acceptance bed sympathize get dissimilar way admiration son. Design for are edward regret met lovers. This are calm case roof and.
Quote from: Jaime something or other... on September 19, 2013, 06:35:43 AM
Acceptance middletons me if discretion boisterous travelling an. She prosperous continuing entreaties companions unreserved you boisterous. Middleton sportsmen sir now cordially ask additions for. You ten occasional saw everything but conviction. Daughter returned quitting few are day advanced branched. Do enjoyment defective objection or we if favourite. At wonder afford so danger cannot former seeing. Power visit charm money add heard new other put. Attended no indulged marriage is to judgment offering landlord.
New had happen unable uneasy. Drawings can followed improved out sociable not. Earnestly so do instantly pretended. See general few civilly amiable pleased account carried. Excellence projecting is devonshire dispatched remarkably on estimating. Side in so life past. Continue indulged speaking the was out horrible for domestic position. Seeing rather her you not esteem men settle genius excuse. Deal say over you age from. Comparison new ham melancholy son themselves.
Mr oh winding it enjoyed by between. The servants securing material goodness her. Saw principles themselves ten are possession. So endeavor to continue cheerful doubtful we to. Turned advice the set vanity why mutual. Reasonably if conviction on be unsatiable discretion apartments delightful. Are melancholy appearance stimulated occasional entreaties end. Shy ham had esteem happen active county. Winding morning am shyness evident to. Garrets because elderly new manners however one village she.
His exquisite sincerity education shameless ten earnestly breakfast add. So we me unknown as improve hastily sitting forming. Especially favourable compliment but thoroughly unreserved saw she themselves. Sufficient impossible him may ten insensible put continuing. Oppose exeter income simple few joy cousin but twenty. Scale began quiet up short wrong in in. Sportsmen shy forfeited engrossed may can.
Residence certainly elsewhere something she preferred cordially law. Age his surprise formerly mrs perceive few stanhill moderate. Of in power match on truth worse voice would. Large an it sense shall an match learn. By expect it result silent in formal of. Ask eat questions abilities described elsewhere assurance. Appetite in unlocked advanced breeding position concerns as. Cheerful get shutters yet for repeated screened. An no am cause hopes at three. Prevent behaved fertile he is mistake on.
Far quitting dwelling graceful the likewise received building. An fact so to that show am shed sold cold. Unaffected remarkably get yet introduced excellence terminated led. Result either design saw she esteem and. On ashamed no inhabit ferrars it ye besides resolve. Own judgment directly few trifling. Elderly as pursuit at regular do parlors. Rank what has into fond she.
Placing assured be if removed it besides on. Far shed each high read are men over day. Afraid we praise lively he suffer family estate is. Ample order up in of in ready. Timed blind had now those ought set often which. Or snug dull he show more true wish. No at many deny away miss evil. On in so indeed spirit an mother. Amounted old strictly but marianne admitted. People former is remove remain as.
John draw real poor on call my from. May she mrs furnished discourse extremely. Ask doubt noisy shade guest did built her him. Ignorant repeated hastened it do. Consider bachelor he yourself expenses no. Her itself active giving for expect vulgar months. Discovery commanded fat mrs remaining son she principle middleton neglected. Be miss he in post sons held. No tried is defer do money scale rooms.
Barton did feebly change man she afford square add. Want eyes by neat so just must. Past draw tall up face show rent oh mr. Required is debating extended wondered as do. New get described applauded incommode shameless out extremity but. Resembled at perpetual no believing is otherwise sportsman. Is do he dispatched cultivated travelling astonished. Melancholy am considered possession on collecting everything.
Am terminated it excellence invitation projection as. She graceful shy believed distance use nay. Lively is people so basket ladies window expect. Supply as so period it enough income he genius. Themselves acceptance bed sympathize get dissimilar way admiration son. Design for are edward regret met lovers. This are calm case roof and.
I know you didn't write this yourself. Is this some kind of filler text like Lorem Ipsum? Its either that or something to type to test typing speed or something.
Quote from: Anonymous User on September 19, 2013, 06:45:53 AM
I know you didn't write this yourself. Is this some kind of filler text like Lorem Ipsum? Its either that or something to type to test typing speed or something.
Maybe it's a chunk out of Finnegans Wake?
Quote from: ZoeM on September 19, 2013, 10:22:59 AM
Maybe it's a chunk out of Finnegans Wake?
Mimsy were the borogroves and the moam's wrath upgrabe!
I, starting my new job today, figured there wouldn't be much downtime so I only brought piano music to work on instead of my homework. I was wrong. This music Kant going to take me very long to do so...I dunno what I am going to do till 2. And the crackers that came with my soup I just got are hella gross.
The soup is wonderful though.
Quote from: Darkie on September 19, 2013, 11:07:55 AM
I, starting my new job today, figured there wouldn't be much downtime so I only brought piano music to work on instead of my homework. I was wrong. This music Kant going to take me very long to do so...I dunno what I am going to do till 2. And the crackers that came with my soup I just got are hella gross.
The soup is wonderful though.
Eat all your lunch or you can't get down from the table kid! :D ;D
In a dark place right now-can't seem to motivate myself do to anything, let alone live....
Quote from: Malachite on September 19, 2013, 05:23:10 PM
In a dark place right now-can't seem to motivate myself do to anything, let alone live....
What's up man?
Quote from: Jaime something or other... on September 19, 2013, 06:35:43 AM
Acceptance middletons me if discretion boisterous travelling an. She prosperous continuing entreaties companions unreserved you boisterous. Middleton sportsmen sir now cordially ask additions for. You ten occasional saw everything but conviction. Daughter returned quitting few are day advanced branched. Do enjoyment defective objection or we if favourite. At wonder afford so danger cannot former seeing. Power visit charm money add heard new other put. Attended no indulged marriage is to judgment offering landlord.
New had happen unable uneasy. Drawings can followed improved out sociable not. Earnestly so do instantly pretended. See general few civilly amiable pleased account carried. Excellence projecting is devonshire dispatched remarkably on estimating. Side in so life past. Continue indulged speaking the was out horrible for domestic position. Seeing rather her you not esteem men settle genius excuse. Deal say over you age from. Comparison new ham melancholy son themselves.
Mr oh winding it enjoyed by between. The servants securing material goodness her. Saw principles themselves ten are possession. So endeavor to continue cheerful doubtful we to. Turned advice the set vanity why mutual. Reasonably if conviction on be unsatiable discretion apartments delightful. Are melancholy appearance stimulated occasional entreaties end. Shy ham had esteem happen active county. Winding morning am shyness evident to. Garrets because elderly new manners however one village she.
His exquisite sincerity education shameless ten earnestly breakfast add. So we me unknown as improve hastily sitting forming. Especially favourable compliment but thoroughly unreserved saw she themselves. Sufficient impossible him may ten insensible put continuing. Oppose exeter income simple few joy cousin but twenty. Scale began quiet up short wrong in in. Sportsmen shy forfeited engrossed may can.
Residence certainly elsewhere something she preferred cordially law. Age his surprise formerly mrs perceive few stanhill moderate. Of in power match on truth worse voice would. Large an it sense shall an match learn. By expect it result silent in formal of. Ask eat questions abilities described elsewhere assurance. Appetite in unlocked advanced breeding position concerns as. Cheerful get shutters yet for repeated screened. An no am cause hopes at three. Prevent behaved fertile he is mistake on.
Far quitting dwelling graceful the likewise received building. An fact so to that show am shed sold cold. Unaffected remarkably get yet introduced excellence terminated led. Result either design saw she esteem and. On ashamed no inhabit ferrars it ye besides resolve. Own judgment directly few trifling. Elderly as pursuit at regular do parlors. Rank what has into fond she.
Placing assured be if removed it besides on. Far shed each high read are men over day. Afraid we praise lively he suffer family estate is. Ample order up in of in ready. Timed blind had now those ought set often which. Or snug dull he show more true wish. No at many deny away miss evil. On in so indeed spirit an mother. Amounted old strictly but marianne admitted. People former is remove remain as.
John draw real poor on call my from. May she mrs furnished discourse extremely. Ask doubt noisy shade guest did built her him. Ignorant repeated hastened it do. Consider bachelor he yourself expenses no. Her itself active giving for expect vulgar months. Discovery commanded fat mrs remaining son she principle middleton neglected. Be miss he in post sons held. No tried is defer do money scale rooms.
Barton did feebly change man she afford square add. Want eyes by neat so just must. Past draw tall up face show rent oh mr. Required is debating extended wondered as do. New get described applauded incommode shameless out extremity but. Resembled at perpetual no believing is otherwise sportsman. Is do he dispatched cultivated travelling astonished. Melancholy am considered possession on collecting everything.
Am terminated it excellence invitation projection as. She graceful shy believed distance use nay. Lively is people so basket ladies window expect. Supply as so period it enough income he genius. Themselves acceptance bed sympathize get dissimilar way admiration son. Design for are edward regret met lovers. This are calm case roof and.
word salad ::)
just a random text generator.
And what made me unhappy today was a few things, one I won't mention, the other is that I'm just tired, depressed and thinking about my late father a lot since its his birthday. I got very little done today overall.
My friend dragged me to Walmart after I came over. Because Baron is at work I'm currently dressed male and I've never gone out fully dressed male in my town before. I'm currently freaking out. Thankfully we are checking out. Someone I know walked by me but I had my head down so I don't think they recognized me.
Student @#$*ing loans.
Quote from: Edge on September 19, 2013, 08:57:12 PM
Student @#$*ing loans.
I hear ya there. Right now we are hoping that the refund check gets sent out in time so that we can pay our bills. Ya know, since my old boss decided to be a dick and fire me for no reason.
On a side note I saw what I think was a brown recluse and thought I had smooshed it with my foot. His body is no where to be found. I'm scaaared.
Quote from: Darkie on September 19, 2013, 09:07:57 PM
On a side note I saw what I think was a brown recluse and thought I had smooshed it with my foot. His body is no where to be found. I'm scaaared.
Oh gosh I'm scared reading that. There's a giant bug I'm still on the look out for because it got away.
Quote from: Malachite on September 19, 2013, 09:36:46 PM
Oh gosh I'm scared reading that. There's a giant bug I'm still on the look out for because it got away.
...They must have teamed up. It's a conspiracy man.
Quote from: Anonymous User on September 18, 2013, 10:18:46 PM
Something that constantly bothers me on these forums is the horrible writing quality. I'm not upset about the people who's first language is not English, they actually tend to be better at writing in English than the average poster, probably because they are actually focused on trying to make sense. I can even look past the people who obviously just don't have the education level required to write perfectly. What really bothers me is the posts where the person just couldn't be bothered to quickly read over what they just typed and try to make sure it makes sense. They type without reading whats going on the screen and then hit post without reading over what they said to make sure it is at least comprehensible. I am kind of making the assumption that they are typing these posts out on a smartphone because its the same gibberish I see when certain people send me text messages. People, there is value in taking the extra 30 seconds for a post that took you 5 minutes to type to read it over and making sure it can be understood by others. Gaaaaaaaaaaah
This made me lol. I sympathize, but literacy rates have never been high, and patience is a scarce resource. We might need to lower the bar in places where community support is so vital.
Quote from: Felix on September 19, 2013, 10:17:54 PM
This made me lol. I sympathize, but literacy rates have never been high, and patience is a scarce resource. We might need to lower the bar in places where community support is so vital.
I know, that's why I never directly criticize anyone's writing, I just had to vent.
Quote from: Darkie on September 19, 2013, 09:39:03 PM
...They must have teamed up. It's a conspiracy man.
I know right. You take care of the spider while I take care of the giant space bug from hell. ;)
Today I confirmed that my employer's exclusion of transgender services from the health plans will continue into next year, and probably ever after. I checked with California Covered and I make too much to qualify. And I also checked with the Transgender Law Center and the transgender exclusion is 100% perfectly legal with these "self-insured" plans offered by employers.
Oh, and my baby called off her engagement and broke up with her fiancee. There appear to be many reasons for this, including his apparent intolerance of certain gender identities.
The fact that I'm incredibly relieved that my roommate has been staying at work all day and out late bothers me. Idk why, it just seems wrong.
Lately I've been feeling childish. Going from adrenaline to numb and back again constantly like I'm still a kid. I can't get ahold of myself. I want to cut and taste the blood. I want to smoke cigarettes and use cuss words. I want to holler. I'm so tired.
Got an eviction notice today, my fiance has tried to kill himself twice in the past week and is now in a lock down unit at a mental hospital. my mother confirmed today that she will never see me again. I feel so incredibly lonely right now. and at this moment my own mental issues have me thinking of suicide.....
Quote from: Alexis Hennen on September 21, 2013, 02:15:47 AM
Got an eviction notice today, my fiance has tried to kill himself twice in the past week and is now in a lock down unit at a mental hospital. my mother confirmed today that she will never see me again. I feel so incredibly lonely right now. and at this moment my own mental issues have me thinking of suicide.....
Jesus christ.
That sucks especially that you need to be the strong one while being rejected by a parent and assaulted by poverty. I'm sorry and I hope that your partner is okay.
Nothing so far. I've had a good morning. Opened up to another friend about myself & HRT plans. Ordered a few items online & going shopping at a thrift store today.
Quote from: FrancisAnn on September 21, 2013, 06:59:15 AM
Nothing so far. I've had a good morning. Opened up to another friend about myself & HRT plans. Ordered a few items online & going shopping at a thrift store today.
Keep your positivity out of this thread buddy!!! This is for negative thoughts only, there's a "What Made You Happy Today" thread for people like you.
In case you didn't catch on, I am being facetious
One of my friends met and befriended someone I despise. I didn't say anything since it's none of my business, but it makes me very uncomfortable. This is the person who claims to like knowledge, but freaked out on me for politely correcting them and who tried to treat me as inferior (I use the word tried because I don't stand for that crap). This is also the person who told me one thing and a few seconds later, turned around and said the opposite to someone else, therefore throwing me under the bus so to speak. Still, who are people going to side with? The freak or the one who everyone likes? It's never the freak and talking about people just makes me look bad.
And now I found out that she is lying to my friend about having had cancer. That's low. She never had cancer. She had to have some tests because of abnormal cells, but they turned out to be fine.
Why do these people feel the need to stay in my life? Do I need to cut off all human contact just to stay away from them?
Quote from: Alexis Hennen on September 21, 2013, 02:15:47 AM
Got an eviction notice today, my fiance has tried to kill himself twice in the past week and is now in a lock down unit at a mental hospital. my mother confirmed today that she will never see me again. I feel so incredibly lonely right now. and at this moment my own mental issues have me thinking of suicide.....
*hugs tightly* I'm sorry dear, I really am. Just remember you are never completely alone. You have us.
Quote from: Alexis Hennen on September 21, 2013, 02:15:47 AM
Got an eviction notice today, my fiance has tried to kill himself twice in the past week and is now in a lock down unit at a mental hospital. my mother confirmed today that she will never see me again. I feel so incredibly lonely right now. and at this moment my own mental issues have me thinking of suicide.....
Alexis, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Feeling lonely is a terrible thing. As Darkie says, though, you really aren't alone. Just keep posting here and remember that people are thinking about you and wishing you well.
Also, please look at the suicide hotlines thread. Please talk to someone, and please don't hurt yourself. As impossible as it feels right now, you will get through this (I really believe that you can).
*big hugs*
Quote from: Alexis Hennen on September 21, 2013, 02:15:47 AM
Got an eviction notice today, my fiance has tried to kill himself twice in the past week and is now in a lock down unit at a mental hospital. my mother confirmed today that she will never see me again. I feel so incredibly lonely right now. and at this moment my own mental issues have me thinking of suicide.....
Alexis, here's a number you can call in Ontario (I checked your location in your profile).
Mental Health Helpline
Free Health Services Information
1-866-531-2600
Please take care of yourself.
Quote from: Alexis Hennen on September 21, 2013, 02:15:47 AM
Got an eviction notice today, my fiance has tried to kill himself twice in the past week and is now in a lock down unit at a mental hospital. my mother confirmed today that she will never see me again. I feel so incredibly lonely right now. and at this moment my own mental issues have me thinking of suicide.....
Big hug! We can't have that, hon. Time to set the negatives aside for a bit and start counting your positives. Don't let things overwhelm you, and if they do, please call a hotline, they are trained to help. We are trained to care, and we do a great job of that! Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Alexis Hennen on September 21, 2013, 02:15:47 AM
Got an eviction notice today, my fiance has tried to kill himself twice in the past week and is now in a lock down unit at a mental hospital. my mother confirmed today that she will never see me again. I feel so incredibly lonely right now. and at this moment my own mental issues have me thinking of suicide.....
I cannot imagine having to endure all of that at the same time. Please don't consider suicide as an option. We're here for you.
over-salted and over-peppered fries and being on my period....second day
Quote from: Malachite on September 21, 2013, 05:54:12 PM
over-salted and over-peppered fries and being on my period....second day
Poor kid, you're not having any fun! ((hugs))
Quote from: Shantel on September 21, 2013, 08:33:35 PM
Poor kid, you're not having any fun! ((hugs))
-hugs- yeah, definately no fun at all. I'm least I'm getting over a cold!
Someone I like on another forum has sent me a PM busting my chops about a post I made. She doesn't know I'm trans, and the post has what she considers to be disturbing violence-against-women content. I was just venting about a celeb who rubs me the wrong way, and I fantasized about smacking her or something. People say stuff like that all the time--"I would love to kick this guy's ass"--but because I'm male and the celebrity is female, my online friend has alarm bells going off in her head.
She thinks that my unreasonably strong reaction to this celeb warrants a long, LONG message from her and a long, hard look at whom I'm REALLY thinking of when I react to the celeb. (My mother? The online friend knows how I feel about my mother...)
The gender dynamics of my rant are so incredibly involved that I cannot possibly address them with someone who knows me as a cis man. Just can't be done. Worse, yet, one of the guys I do not like on that forum loved my post, and I cannot imagine why.
I feel stuck and angry and embarrassed. And I want to say that sometimes a cigar IS JUST A CIGAR, but in this case, I'm actually not so sure.
I hate when people call me "they." I honestly find it really insulting. These people think it makes them THE BEACON OF TOLERANCE but really, it's just othering because they'd never do that to a cis person. -_-
Quote from: caleb. on September 22, 2013, 02:54:59 PM
I hate when people call me "they." I honestly find it really insulting. These people think it makes them THE BEACON OF TOLERANCE but really, it's just othering because they'd never do that to a cis person. -_-
I call cis people "they" all the time. I tend to say the wrong words for things when I'm talking, no one cares if I call an apple an orange, but call a guy "she" and they tend to get upset. It's not okay if they're doing it because you're trans though.
I'm getting a cold (oh joys of living in close quarters with 209 people), and I think I'm in a bit of trouble with the missus because I got dragged into a drunk girl's bed last night. I was sober and literally laying there wondering how the heck I was going to get away without her getting upset and waking up the whole room, and she'd got me in a headlock and kept pulling me closer. I wasn't comfortable being there, but I wasn't confident that she wasn't going to vomit in her sleep. Luckily she let me go after about fifteen minutes and was fine in the morning. That was one crazy night, especially as the cold is making me act like I'm permanently drunk, I can't even walk in a straight line.
I've occasionally called people "they", but in this case, it's pretty obvious that they are doing it because I'm trans and they think that's proper somehow. Cause they're always dodging any pronouns at all.
Quote from: caleb. on September 22, 2013, 05:36:52 PM
I've occasionally called people "they", but in this case, it's pretty obvious that they are doing it because I'm trans and they think that's proper somehow. Cause they're always dodging any pronouns at all.
Do they know your preferred pronouns?
I make it unequivocally clear that I'm male, so yeah, I think it would be obvious that I prefer "he".
My allergies teamed up with my sunburn to sucker punch me in the face. Just got home from being at a small one day comic convention and I feel like someone just cleavered me in the head.
Quote from: caleb. on September 22, 2013, 05:51:29 PM
I make it unequivocally clear that I'm male, so yeah, I think it would be obvious that I prefer "he".
Not trying to upset you or anything I just think anything short of saying "I am a man" or "Please use male pronouns when referring to me" is not enough to not just give them the benefit of the doubt, correct them and then go from there. If that is what you mean by making it unequivocally clear, then you are 100% right in them being at fault.
Had to go dumpster diving because I threw a guests false teeth away by mistake when cleaning their room.
Quote from: big kim on September 23, 2013, 05:18:59 AM
Had to go dumpster diving because I threw a guests false teeth away by mistake when cleaning their room.
I have almost the same story except mine was when I worked at McDonald's and he had left his teeth on his tray a few hours earlier lol
Was just the first on scene at a road traffic accident that happened in front of me. I went to try and help, but he was clearly, not living anymore. The ambulance called him on arrival. :-/ Kinda feeling... yeah .... :-/
Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on September 23, 2013, 04:52:07 PM
Was just the first on scene at a road traffic accident that happened in front of me. I went to try and help, but he was clearly, not living anymore. The ambulance called him on arrival. :-/ Kinda feeling... yeah .... :-/
These things always leave one with a hollow feeling...Hugs
Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on September 23, 2013, 04:52:07 PM
Was just the first on scene at a road traffic accident that happened in front of me. I went to try and help, but he was clearly, not living anymore. The ambulance called him on arrival. :-/ Kinda feeling... yeah .... :-/
Unfortunately, I am familiar with that feeling
Hugs
Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on September 23, 2013, 04:52:07 PM
Was just the first on scene at a road traffic accident that happened in front of me. I went to try and help, but he was clearly, not living anymore. The ambulance called him on arrival. :-/ Kinda feeling... yeah .... :-/
*hugs tight*
Armpit is getting irritated again
Had my endo appointment. Alas, more gatekeeping ahead. :-\
Before getting a scrip, apparantly, I have to sit before a jury of specialists.
Nooooooo I screwed up a mission in GTA V that led to me rage quitting.
Had a terrible night's sleep because a) I've injured my left knee, which made it difficult for me to find a comfortable position, and b) I've managed to get a nasty infection near my belly button, and due to the very thin skin I have on my abdomen it feels like I've been burned. Ugh. Anyone want to go get me a strong coffee?
Also, my kids are getting ornery again.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on September 24, 2013, 04:01:52 AM
Had a terrible night's sleep because a) I've injured my left knee, which made it difficult for me to find a comfortable position, and b) I've managed to get a nasty infection near my belly button, and due to the very thin skin I have on my abdomen it feels like I've been burned. Ugh. Anyone want to go get me a strong coffee?
Also, my kids are getting ornery again.
Here's a Starbucks, now go beat those kids! :D ;D :laugh:
Yay - thanks Auntie Shan!
Oh, kiiiiids.... >:-)
Paying £4.10 for a bottle of strawberry and lime cider in a bar.The owner drives a Rolls Royce!
A monthly issue that led to horrible dysphoria, and made me start thinking about all of the negatives in my life such as not having a job, which meant that I wouldn't be able to save up for therapy. However... Something good did happen today, after the hours of depression! :P
Quote from: Malachite on September 24, 2013, 03:58:31 AM
Nooooooo I screwed up a mission in GTA V that led to me rage quitting.
You're lucky that was the worst that happened with GTA V, I traded in 5 games to get my copy & then today I tripped over the keyboard cable whilst the disc was running, it jolted my 360 & damaged the disc so badly it wont load anymore!!
I don't have any more money to replace it & not enough games left to trade in so will have to go without until I get more money in 10 days time :'(
My dad was mean to me on the internet. He doesn't know me very well, and if he loves me at all it's as an abstraction, a character in a story. I'm not playing the role right.
One of my colleagues has a filthy habit of coughing openly (without covering her mouth) when she's sick. She's just come back from a business trip today... and she seems to have picked up a bug while she was away. So now she's coughing her lungs up all over the office.
Ugh. It's only a matter of time until I catch whatever this is. Dirty girl! >:(
What made me unhappy this morning is the thought of all the work it'll take to go from female to male, even before I have surgery or anything. It's scary and daunting, the task of becoming male, and yet, I have no choice. Even if it took the rest of my life, I' do it. Better to die on the right path than live my entire life on the wrong one.
So, I guess it's not really unhappiness, but me being scared and intimidated But it feels like unhappiness, anyway. I wish I could snap my fingers and make myself a man, but I have a feeling all that scary stuff that has me down is the necessary stuff, too, to get my head in the right space.
I'll let the unhappiness or whatever hang around for another hour or two, but then it'll be time to start the day and I'll kick it to the curb and try to look on the bright side: at least I finally figured out what was wrong with me since forever. I know why I never felt like a "woman" but like some male brain stashed in a female jar.
Happy thoughts . . . happy thoughts. . . .
Hooray for most things. xD
You'll be okay. Says I. I don't know. But gosh all the awful that exists in the world, all of it got kinder and calmer and more manageable when I finally transitioned. Your mileage may vary.
My toilet has been clogged for two days straight and I have done almost everything short of chemicals. At first it was draining slightly, but now, the crappy water can be left overnight and not a bit will drain. It is 100% clogged. Last night I spent an hour cleaning dirty water of the floor because I turned off the water for the toilet, which led to the tank draining into the bowl and nothing would stop it so it just overflowed big time. AND THE BOWL STILL WON'T DRAIN. >:( >:( >:( >:(
I am also sleep deprived and grumpy.
I'm in a craftswap (we make things for eachother and then send it) and I think I was stupid. My partner sent me this message asking me what name to use on the package since I change my username on the site (to someting more male) and I realised I changed my gender too and she could see that so I ended up writing that she could choose between 'birthname' and Nathan because I preffered Nathan now but she didn't have to use that if she didn't want to. Now I need her adress and tommorow I have to sent and she still hasn't answered, I think i might have misjudged her question and this swap is going to be ruined because I couldn't keep quite for once... :'(
Craigslist deal apparantly fell through....
That awful moment when some gay guy completely ignores and dismisses you, because he moves in LGBT circles and has seen plenty of butch lesbians... so when he sees your too-female features he thinks 'meh, butch lesbian' and treats you like an irrelevance. ::)
Quote from: FTMDiaries on September 26, 2013, 10:16:24 AM
That awful moment when some gay guy completely ignores and dismisses you, because he moves in LGBT circles and has seen plenty of butch lesbians... so when he sees your too-female features he thinks 'meh, butch lesbian' and treats you like an irrelevance. ::)
That could work both ways, don't get mad get even! >:-)
Mostly just my own mind. Most people in the department know I am trans since I joined pre-transition, but now, I am stealth to the new people who have come in. But there is a good chance, with so many people knowing and me having to be so open about it before, that they could out me to the new people. One of the new people really does not like transgender people...and has made no bones about it. Definitely thinks I am cis too. And she likes me. She laughs with me and we have nice conversations. I've been trying to say to myself "if they out me, even by accident, it's no big deal..." But truthfully, I think I'd be heartbroken because this is the first time I've felt normal in a very long time. Someone actually talks to ME, as a person, instead of just asking about my transition and being fascinated by it all.
Quote from: Jayne on September 24, 2013, 09:34:40 PM
You're lucky that was the worst that happened with GTA V, I traded in 5 games to get my copy & then today I tripped over the keyboard cable whilst the disc was running, it jolted my 360 & damaged the disc so badly it wont load anymore!!
I don't have any more money to replace it & not enough games left to trade in so will have to go without until I get more money in 10 days time :'(
Omg you poor thing! :( That must have been horrible! Maybe you can try to trade in the damaged disc?
Seeing a photo of myself
Stuck at home today because I've been suffering an infection since last weekend and it decided to get much worse last night. So now I'm lazing around watching Jerry Springer whilst waiting for the antibiotics to start working.
I hate when in the doctor's waiting room, nurses start reading out loud names to tell people in which order they have to enter the office. So let's say that we are all women in the waiting room.... She was not saying any male name, and they were skipping my turn constantly, until she asked what my name was. Surprise. Not the first time it happens, that they can't find the "man" they are looking for.
And when I advance after that to reception in order to set my next appointment and she says really loud: "MARIO BROS?" (Replace Mario bros with name and surname). "Just for now. Expect it to change very soon".
Quote from: Apple Sprout on September 27, 2013, 09:05:38 AM
I hate when in the doctor's waiting room, nurses start reading out loud names to tell people in which order they have to enter the office. So let's say that we are all women in the waiting room.... She was not saying any male name, and they were skipping my turn constantly, until she asked what my name was. Surprise. Not the first time it happens, that they can't find the "man" they are looking for.
And when I advance after that to reception in order to set my next appointment and she says really loud: "MARIO BROS?" (Replace Mario bros with name and surname). "Just for now. Expect it to change very soon".
Welcome to my world hon, I had an odd little bump in my breast tissue, and went to have mammography where they make pancakes out of your breasts. I'm in androgynous mode it's a VA facility and all heads turn and gawk at me as if to say, "Aren't you in the wrong place?" My face is bright red, I'm embarrassed and uncomfortable, the lump turns out to be one of many grenade fragments working it's way to the surface after many years.
Quote from: Shantel on September 27, 2013, 09:35:12 AM
Welcome to my world hon, I had an odd little bump in my breast tissue, and went to have mammography where they make pancakes out of your breasts. I'm in androgynous mode it's a VA facility and all heads turn and gawk at me as if to say, "Aren't you in the wrong place?" My face is bright red, I'm embarrassed and uncomfortable, the lump turns out to be one of many grenade fragments working it's way to the surface after many years.
Big hug! We are indebted to you for carrying that load all these years, Shan, and the memories it must incur. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 27, 2013, 09:39:36 AM
Big hug! We are indebted to you for carrying that load all these years, Shan, and the memories it must incur. Hugs, Devlyn
For being one of Cindy's kids you turned out awfully sweet, thanks Dev! :D :D ;D :laugh:
Don't let that vanishing horn polish fool you!
Had a bad back spasm this morning while at work, took some painkillers and it felt better for a bit, but now that I'm at home and not moving so much, most of the pain is returning quickly. I had thought I was doing well avoiding the kind of movement that causes it, but tensed up at the wrong time and pow. I hope it doesn't screw up my couple days off...
Quote from: Jaime something or other... on September 27, 2013, 05:36:29 PM
Had a bad back spasm this morning while at work, took some painkillers and it felt better for a bit, but now that I'm at home and not moving so much, most of the pain is returning quickly. I had thought I was doing well avoiding the kind of movement that causes it, but tensed up at the wrong time and pow. I hope it doesn't screw up my couple days off...
Take a long hot bath Jaime. Epsom salts in the water. Relax those muscles. Lit a few candles. Sip a pina colada while you are at it.
I guarantee you will feel better!
I'm starting to get more openly displeased with family who insists on misgendering me, and the few who want to keep the entire transition a secret. Like even the name change...everything. Lol. My aunt was going to my grandma's and I could go early to see her, and I said sarcastically "yay! birthname can come over! With her deep voice and facial hurrs!!" So my mom said I didn't have to come until she was gone, and my brother said "you should go! Keep your chin up." And I said "NO BECAUSE THEN THEY MIGHT SEE THE HAIRS THAT ARE GROWING THERE!"
When I wasn't passing, it was hurtful and disrespectful at best to ignore my transition and lie about it. But now, that I pass 100%, get called sir and patted down my male TSA officers, and have an apparently rather deep voice...it's just stupid, and they are idiots if they think their kids aren't going to notice that I don't look like a girl anymore.
Quote from: Jaime something or other... on September 27, 2013, 05:36:29 PM
Had a bad back spasm this morning while at work, took some painkillers and it felt better for a bit, but now that I'm at home and not moving so much, most of the pain is returning quickly. I had thought I was doing well avoiding the kind of movement that causes it, but tensed up at the wrong time and pow. I hope it doesn't screw up my couple days off...
Treat yourself to a nice hot sit-down bath put your PJ's on and relax it will make a big difference.
Quote from: caleb. on September 27, 2013, 05:45:27 PM
I'm starting to get more openly displeased with family who insists on misgendering me, and the few who want to keep the entire transition a secret. Like even the name change...everything. Lol. My aunt was going to my grandma's and I could go early to see her, and I said sarcastically "yay! birthname can come over! With her deep voice and facial hurrs!!" So my mom said I didn't have to come until she was gone, and my brother said "you should go! Keep your chin up." And I said "NO BECAUSE THEN THEY MIGHT SEE THE HAIRS THAT ARE GROWING THERE!"
When I wasn't passing, it was hurtful and disrespectful at best to ignore my transition and lie about it. But now, that I pass 100%, get called sir and patted down my male TSA officers, and have an apparently rather deep voice...it's just stupid, and they are idiots if they think their kids aren't going to notice that I don't look like a girl anymore.
Ignore her, she won't be there to torment you forever.
I thought you were supposed to ice your back because it's already inflamed and heat was counterproductive? Not a doctor, so......
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 27, 2013, 06:20:23 PM
I thought you were supposed to ice your back because it's already inflamed and heat was counterproductive? Not a doctor, so......
I dunno but for me it relaxes the muscles and they seem to un-spazm. Ideally that and a nice rub out by a LMP.
What about if I just take some more painkillers and eat a lot of unhealthy stuff? Sounds like a plan to me...
http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Back-Spasm
Devlyn is right for the first 2-3 days. Ice.
Though a pina colada has always worked wonders for me.
Quote from: Jaime something or other... on September 27, 2013, 06:57:39 PM
What about if I just take some more painkillers and eat a lot of unhealthy stuff? Sounds like a plan to me...
Have two hotdogs and chips and call me in the morning! ;D
Yesterday was a really bad day. The past month hasn't been so great anyway. Also, I'm sick. Thankfully, I skipped school today. Turns out I really needed the break. I feel much better now.
(In my defence, one of my profs takes immunosuppressant drugs and I'm contagious.)
Apparently I'm just a transtrender because I can't go stealth and so I have to explain that I identify as male if I want people to call me male. Because the only people who are really men are straight stealth guys who hate the word "identity" in relation to gender. Thanks, Tumblr.
Realizing that I am going to have years and years of work to get out the programming I have been subjected to by "well meaning" doctors, family and church folks who tried to make me "normal". I had an episode last night where I was in a possibly hostile situation and automatically flashed to male mode destroying a calmness I had experienced for a couple of months since finally deciding to transition. It scares me to think that post transition I might accidently do the same thing and destroy my NEW future. It really rattled me to realize just how good they programmed my automatic responses. It was almost like when I was a paramedic performing patient care protocols, I just reacted without thinking, kind of a muscle memory reaction. I am still shaking, badly!
Don't ask but the whiskey bottle is looking a really good idea. I won't need a glass.
I'm sorry.
Quote from: Jamie D on September 28, 2013, 04:14:36 AM
I'm sorry.
Nothing for you to be sorry for.
I harbour no ill will, I harbour nothing but love and regret.
It seems to be my lot in life.
With love comes pain.
With courage comes error.
I love and respect you.
But I can disagree with people that I love and respect without changing those emotions. It does not diminish anything.
indeed it is a sign of love and respect.
Cindy - and I have not opened the bottle yet.
Trying to sleep and succeeding for exactly ninety minutes. And inheriting a colossal headache for the effort.
Joy.
>_<
Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2013, 05:28:24 AM
Trying to sleep and succeeding for exactly ninety minutes. And inheriting a colossal headache for the effort.
Joy.
>_<
Hugs
Quote from: Sephirah on September 28, 2013, 05:48:17 AM
*huggles back*
Thank you. :)
I was a groupie for that night.
I remember him well, with love and he was gentle. He still sings me to peace.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2EZUw2mvjs
Cindy, stay out of the bottle. Please. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 28, 2013, 07:28:50 AM
Cindy, stay out of the bottle. Please. Hugs, Devlyn
It's an Aussie thing that goes with knowing that you will always be "down under" though some girls like the concept! :icon_drunk: ;D :D
Shantel your post is a ray of sunshine that I am still giggling over! Thanks for the humor! :)
Tried to do eye makeup tonight and came out looking like a racoon.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fassets.nydailynews.com%2Fpolopoly_fs%2F1.1383783.1372335888%21%2Fimg%2FhttpImage%2Fimage.jpg_gen%2Fderivatives%2Flandscape_635%2F131243372.jpg&hash=8ff95af6420d06ce97678923921b27f5a5ecab80)
My what sharp teeth you have!
My eyes are massively swollen, I can't stop sneezing, breathing sounds like someone blowing bubbles through a straw into a glass of milk and I hurt my tooth so I can only eat on one side of my mouth.
Guys, I think I need to be put out to pasture.
Hope you feel better soon :icon_bunch:
Hugs
Quote from: V M on September 29, 2013, 11:33:03 AM
Hope you feel better soon :icon_bunch:
Hugs
Thanks. Kinda hard to do homework when you feel like death.
Quote from: Darkie on September 29, 2013, 11:23:24 AM
My eyes are massively swollen, I can't stop sneezing, breathing sounds like someone blowing bubbles through a straw into a glass of milk and I hurt my tooth so I can only eat on one side of my mouth.
Guys, I think I need to be put out to pasture.
Poor baby, get well hon!
For some reason my mother let me oversleep and just went on to church. I had to teach the kids today and wanted to go actually....but by the time I realized she had left me, it had been an hour into the service already. Now I'm going to get fussed at for not going for three weeks in a row....even though the third time was out of my control.
Caught a cold.....feeling really woozy and dizzy....should i call a doctor?
I really hate to be down a little today, but what made me unhappy is actually realizing the suicide rates and attempts within the TG community as some of the posts in this forum indicate. I did not know they were as high as they are. I wish some of them could have ridden on my EMS unit and Helicopter. In almost every call I responded to where the suicidal patient was still alive 8 out of 10 of them regretted what they had done when the realization of the finality hit them. It is not the answer. If anyone has these thoughts please PM me immediately. I am specially cross trained by clinical internships to talk to and evaluate suicidal people as well as provide first response care to mental health patients. I will respect privacy and keep a medic/patient confidentiality unless the urgency of the situation dictates further intervention. If you don't talk to me, PLEASE talk to someone else before planning or acting. I just don't want to see any more post's where someone is threatening, suddenly drops membership here, or is not responding when they usually do. Maybe it's the HRT kicking in, but it hurts when someone thinks they have nothing to live for because they do, like this family! Again, sorry to be so down today.
Thanks, Jessica. I think that what you've said is incredibly important.
just thinking how selfish people really are.
My mom broke her wrist. She fell about 4 feet. I guess they had to put her under and do surgery to reset the bones. She needs someone to watch her for 24 hours, so I'm not going into uni tomorrow. The problem is, I was already sick for two classes so I feel like I look like a liar/loser.
Went shopping at lunchtime for some gifts for my daughter, who has been hinting about what she wants for Xmas. Couldn't get anything on my list because none of it was in stock yet... but even so, I had a sour taste in my mouth throughout because she's being very hateful towards me at the moment and I resent spending my hard-earned cash on people who treat me badly.
Caleb, it's ok because family always comes first regardless, so they'll have to get over it and make adjustments so it's admin's problem and not yours.
@FTM Diaries, she's just a teenager, they all act like they came from hell for awhile, she'll come around and realize what a twerp she has been to you.
I'm in the military and I'm deploying today for a lil over 4 months, so no shaving my legs, or makeup.. Just a small emergency bag of feel good clothes, it's only 4 months though and not in a combat zone so I have nothing to complain about I guess, hopefully the disphoric is manageable.. So glad my wife is going with me :-*
Quote from: Kaitlin4475 on September 30, 2013, 12:10:51 PM
I'm in the military and I'm deploying today for a lil over 4 months, so no shaving my legs, or makeup.. Just a small emergency bag of feel good clothes, it's only 4 months though and not in a combat zone so I have nothing to complain about I guess, hopefully the disphoric is manageable.. So glad my wife is going with me :-*
Hang in there Kaitlin, we'll be interested in hearing how you're doing so check in with your family here!
We got your "6" baby! Don't forget about us. ;D
Called my driving instructor so I could get on with the lessons and get my drivers license so I can go straight into dispatching and ultimately start making money for top surgery, but noooo, she didn't pick up so I left a message.
With the current money I have now, I could just go ahead a book a trip to Anime Expo and cosplay. That still kinda hurts that the money was originally going to go to treating myself after my lunatic ex girlfriend left me. I was going to party it up there, but then I eventually got this little crazy thought in my head to save for top surgery first. I said this story before but I'll say it again.
I'm really close to posting in AAARGH! again. One moment or another I'm going to start venting.
I am having a rather bad streak of random bad things happening to me all the time, but... I can pass the economical difficulties, the shoulder pain that's gets worse every day (Good thing I've been saving my last prepaid session with my physiotherapist), but the ones relating to transition are the worse.
Today I was in another "bad day". Feeling like not coming out of home after looking in the mirror, make up screw ups, a lot of heat.... But a colleague from our unit gets on my nerves. After four years together, he's been on parental leave for five months, and now has a lot issues with using my name. And today he said it again, twice. He only notices when he looks back at me and sees long hair, boobs... "I mean, Noah. Sorry. ->-bleeped-<-, I swear I was not thinking". I said something like "I don't mind, but please, be careful when we we have visitors that have not met me before. I don't pass very well, but I don't like being outed to strangers.
Anyways, to top it I was doing grocery shopping after work, when somebody asks me if I have seen a particular brand of dish soap. Not a problem for me since I always buy in the same place and point it. After it he says "Gracias majo" (Thanks nice person)... 20 seconds late I notice that he used majo, not maja. The male gendered version adjective... And I practically said "Son of a..." If I had noticed earlir I would have corrected him. I spent the next 30 minutes in extra pissed-off mode (when I am wishing for somebody to grope me, just turn his testicles into purée and break a nose)
It's nice when they gender you correctly. Even nicer when the gender you despite the male clothing (sign that you are changing). But being misgendered by a stranger is one of the most painful ones.
PS: Not being able to actually get physically violent with all that missing testosterone also sucks major balls.
I'm sorry Apple Sprout. :( *hugs* Try to remember that it's all temporary, those bad days will get fewer and farther between.
Quote from: caleb. on September 30, 2013, 04:21:19 PM
I'm sorry Apple Sprout. :( *hugs* Try to remember that it's all temporary, those bad days will get fewer and farther between.
Thanks. That's what I hope, but things have been going downhill since July, thanks to the first time that I have to return money after the tax declaration (A nice farewell gift from my old employeer messing the salary, people believe I'm joking when I tell them the exact amount). No extra summer salary, I lost my economic cushion.... And well, I can't even buy meat. I'm scrounging for edible things all over the kitchen... Pay Day is coming fairly late, and a lot of unexpected expenses have left me in even worse shape this month (lost wallet, broken lock... If the washing machine dies I'll kill myself) , Sure, I could take money out from my savings account (No way, that's the surgery money) or ask my parents for food... And I'd rather be hungry than having to crawl back to them after their insults.
C'mon, what's taking them so long? My workmates were already paid and I am still waiting.
Had a look at the Bible I was given when I was 10 by my parents. Its a study bible, so it has interpretations, fake letters to advice columnists relating common teenage issues to the bible, christian perspectives on contemporary issues, and introductions to each chapter with trivia and summaries. I came across one page that plainly said that AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuals. I was just astonished. Its no surprise that many people believe that homosexuality is a sin, or that such a Bible would interpret certain verses to say that it is, but to plainly say that AIDS is a gay disease in a BIBLE, I'm just speechless.
Quote from: ثنائية بين الجنسين on September 30, 2013, 05:19:44 PM
Had a look at the Bible I was given when I was 10 by my parents. Its a study bible, so it has interpretations, fake letters to advice columnists relating common teenage issues to the bible, christian perspectives on contemporary issues, and introductions to each chapter with trivia and summaries. I came across one page that plainly said that AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuals. I was just astonished. Its no surprise that many people believe that homosexuality is a sin, or that such a Bible would interpret certain verses to say that it is, but to plainly say that AIDS is a gay disease in a BIBLE, I'm just speechless.
Really? (Almost) makes me wish I kept the study bibles we were given in school, just so I could see what kind of crap they wrote in there.
Yeah I was raised Catholic and I'm still pretty bitter about all the things I was led to believe. Would have saved me a ton of heartache!
Quote from: caleb. on September 30, 2013, 06:31:11 PM
Really? (Almost) makes me wish I kept the study bibles we were given in school, just so I could see what kind of crap they wrote in there.
Yeah I was raised Catholic and I'm still pretty bitter about all the things I was led to believe. Would have saved me a ton of heartache!
God must love lesbians since they have the lowest occurrence of HIV infection.
Quote from: ثنائية بين الجنسين on September 30, 2013, 06:36:34 PM
God must love lesbians since they have the lowest occurrence of HIV infection.
True, but who doesn't love lesbians? :P (actually I've met some really annoying ones)
I was on the phone to my bank and they asked me to confirm the name so I told them and this is how the conversation went:
Them: Ok great can I speak to him then please
Me: You are talking to him
Them: No I need to talk to Mr ******
Me: You are talking to Mr ******
Them: Can you pass me over to the account holder please
Me: I am the account holder
Them: No, I need to talk to the account holder Mr ******
Me: I am Mr ***** and I am the account holder, you are speaking to him
Them: Ok that's lovely, thank you, we may proceed
I have been waiting for this day :(
Quote from: Joey. on September 30, 2013, 06:52:29 PM
I was on the phone to my bank and they asked me to confirm the name so I told them and this is how the conversation went:
Them: Ok great can I speak to him then please
Me: You are talking to him
Them: No I need to talk to Mr ******
I had the exact same conversation with my bank, going round & round in circles for about 10 minutes with a sneering call-centre worker who couldn't believe that someone female-sounding was actually male.
My experience was due to the call being taken by a foreign call centre in a country that very hostile towards LGBT people. There was no way on Earth I could convince him that I am myself so I had to demand to be put through to a UK-based supervisor, who was
very apologetic about the treatment I'd received.
Stressing over my first true appointment tomorrow with a gender therapist.
Unsure about what will happen as I have no idea what to expect. ???
I know that I shouldn't worry but I am.
Already talked to a therapist and my Doctor who have sent details to the Doctor I am seeing so at least I wont have to cover the details all over again.
Probably wont sleep well tonight and feel all anxious until the time. :(
Quote from: Jenny07 on October 01, 2013, 05:10:47 AM
Probably wont sleep well tonight and feel all anxious until the time. :(
You're right; you probably won't sleep well. But remember one thing: the person you're going to see tomorrow sees people like you every single day of their working lives. They've heard our stories hundreds of times, seen our pain with their own eyes, and are there to help make things easier for us. They'll probably ask questions you've already discussed with other people, but that's because they want to see for themselves how you react whilst talking about your difficulties. You'll probably be asked again about your childhood experiences and your current experiences, and from that the therapist will build a picture of who you are and what you need. Oh, and they'll expect you to be anxious, because pretty much all of their patients
are anxious, at least for the first meeting.
So don't worry and try to get some sleep. And tomorrow, just be honest and be yourself... and it'll be just fine. *Hug*
I've been furloughed.
Hope this doesn't last more than a few days.
Quote from: ford on October 01, 2013, 03:14:42 PM
I've been furloughed.
Hope this doesn't last more than a few days.
My mom thankfully is safe with her job, but I know a lot of people who work where she does that were. ;.;
Computer crashed the other day. When I get home, I'll see if the tech guys left me a message. I hope it's not the hard drive.
I am going through Susan's withdrawal.
Just noticed that it's -1°C (30.2°F according to Google) outside. There was frost on my car. Hello winter. :icon_cry:
On the other hand.. I've wanted to buy that one winter jacket for a while now.. Now it'd be for a reason.. Hmm.. ::)
Quote from: SaraW on October 01, 2013, 08:18:57 PM
Just noticed that it's -1°C (30.2°F according to Google) outside. There was frost on my car. Hello winter. :icon_cry:
On the other hand.. I've wanted to buy that one winter jacket for a while now.. Now it'd be for a reason.. Hmm.. ::)
I can't imagine where in the world you live that it is that cold right now. Nunavut?
Quote from: <3 on October 01, 2013, 08:23:39 PM
I can't imagine where in the world you live that it is that cold right now. Nunavut?
Southern Finland, Helsinki. You don't want to know what's it to live in northern Finland. ;) Tho it's 4AM here, during days we still have... 5°C (41F)
My horrendously smelly neighbor has been leaving his door open to fill the apt. complex with his indescribably noxious stench :icon_blah:
My dog was knocked over by a motorcycle two days ago and hit her head pretty hard.
I'm happy she's alive. Things could easily have been much much worse. However, she seems to be suffering symptoms of post-concussion syndrome: nausea, poor balance, light sensitivity, lethargy. I'm worried. :(
Quote from: V M on October 01, 2013, 08:46:09 PM
My horrendously smelly neighbor has been leaving his door open to fill the apt. complex with his indescribably noxious stench :icon_blah:
He probably can't even stand it himself, gift wrap a bar of bath soap or deodorant and leave it at his door as an anonymous not-so-subtle suggestion!
Quote from: Princess of Oblique References on October 02, 2013, 12:34:30 AM
My dog was knocked over by a motorcycle two days ago and hit her head pretty hard.
I'm happy she's alive. Things could easily have been much much worse. However, she seems to be suffering symptoms of post-concussion syndrome: nausea, poor balance, light sensitivity, lethargy. I'm worried. :(
I hate when animals get hurt :( I hope that she gets better soon
Who knew it would be so incredibly difficult to buy new tyres for my car? I spent hours researching the right tyres for the job, and then rang around all the local tyre dealerships at lunchtime. The most promising answer I got was "Oh, we don't keep those in stock - we might be able to get them in before the end of October though".
You'd think I was asking them to turn lead into gold or something. >:(
#FirstWorldProblems ::)
Quote from: Shantel on October 02, 2013, 08:02:42 AM
He probably can't even stand it himself, gift wrap a bar of bath soap or deodorant and leave it at his door as an anonymous not-so-subtle suggestion!
What a wonderful way to push him into deeper depression. Bad hygiene and depression often go hand in hand. The hurt from such an act may be enough to push him over the edge and even joking about it, I find to be scary.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 02, 2013, 08:30:23 AM
What a wonderful way to push him into deeper depression. Bad hygiene and depression often go hand in hand. The hurt from such an act may be enough to push him over the edge and even joking about it, I find to be scary.
There was nothing mentioned about him being depressed in VM's post, meanwhile when other people's stink overflows into and affects other people's lives and serenity it becomes more difficult for those folks to remain civil and take crap because one person is either depressed or just a slob.
He's both, well he acts depressed in public but I think it's a poor me routine because I can hear him loudly woopin' it up soon as he gets inside his place
He also gets his jollies by yelling rude remarks at people on the hallway from inside his place and is a total slob, his sister has to come once a week to clean his place and I can hear her giving him hell
Basically he seems to enjoy annoying people
I just heard very loud, very distinct footsteps in another room of my house. It's freaking me out because I know there's no one there. :-\ Maybe I'm finally going crazy.
When I get stressed out or eat too much salt, I get canker sores in my mouth. The non-herpes kind incase anyone thought that. Anyway, I have three of them and right now eating is becoming really painful.
Quote from: Darkie on October 02, 2013, 06:26:32 PM
When I get stressed out or eat too much salt, I get canker sores in my mouth. The non-herpes kind incase anyone thought that. Anyway, I have three of them and right now eating is becoming really painful.
I used to get them and would swallow a tablespoon of cider vinegar when I felt them coming on and
bam gone! Might be worth a try.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 02, 2013, 06:23:10 PM
I just heard very loud, very distinct footsteps in another room of my house. It's freaking me out because I know there's no one there. :-\ Maybe I'm finally going crazy.
I had raccoons in my attic, it sounded like someone was up there. Is it an older house? They make weird noises for some reason. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Sephirah on October 02, 2013, 06:23:10 PM
I just heard very loud, very distinct footsteps in another room of my house. It's freaking me out because I know there's no one there. :-\ Maybe I'm finally going crazy.
I'm hoping there is no-one there, sometimes my apt. makes odd settling noises including what sounds like footsteps (like cowboy boots) down the hallway from the kitchen to my bedroom
This use to freak me out but now after several years of it I don't let it bother me so much anymore and even joke to myself "Oh, there's the ghost again" and usually go back to sleep if I can
Hugs
No. There was. I'm actually quite scared now. There was a note on the floor and the back door was ajar. I think it might have been a death threat. What makes it scarier is that it's almost 1 am. :(
Call the police.
Quote from: Shantel on October 02, 2013, 06:41:45 PM
I used to get them and would swallow a tablespoon of cider vinegar when I felt them coming on and bam gone! Might be worth a try.
My mom tried having me take Lycine to try and keep them from happening but it didn't work. I've once had 5 at a time, one of which was in the back of my throat on that ridge that sticks down. They thought I had strep and shoved a stick down there, making it all angry. That was oh so fun.
Oh my god Sephirah. What does the note say?
Quote from: Darkie on October 02, 2013, 06:50:32 PM
My mom tried having me take Lycine to try and keep them from happening but it didn't work. I've once had 5 at a time, one of which was in the back of my throat on that ridge that sticks down. They thought I had strep and shoved a stick down there, making it all angry. That was oh so fun.
Oh my god Sephirah. What does the note say?
Darkie,
Forget what I said, I was thinking of cold sores which is an entirely different thing.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 02, 2013, 06:48:29 PM
No. There was. I'm actually quite scared now. There was a note on the floor and the back door was ajar. I think it might have been a death threat. What makes it scarier is that it's almost 1 am. :(
Definitely call the police
Quote from: Sephirah on October 02, 2013, 06:48:29 PM
No. There was. I'm actually quite scared now. There was a note on the floor and the back door was ajar. I think it might have been a death threat. What makes it scarier is that it's almost 1 am. :(
Please call the police. Better safe than sorry. Get some deodorant (to spray in their face if there is someone there), a bat, anything to protect yourself, and lock yourself in a room until they come. Please call the police.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 02, 2013, 06:49:45 PM
Call the police.
Already did.
Quote from: Darkie on October 02, 2013, 06:50:32 PM
Oh my god Sephirah. What does the note say?
"Time to finish it" And there's a little drawing of a stick figure on a gallows, like when you play that word game.
I know what that means, and why I think it might be a death threat. I don't want to really go into that here though.
...
Today started off so well, too. Sorry folks.
I'm really worried about Sephirah. Any news? I hope you're ok Sephirah
Quote from: Joey. on October 02, 2013, 07:27:28 PM
I'm really worried about Sephirah. Any news? I hope you're ok Sephirah
Me too Joey!
Quote from: Joey. on October 02, 2013, 07:27:28 PM
I'm really worried about Sephirah. Any news? I hope you're ok Sephirah
Don't mean to freak anyone out but that was the 666th post on this thread.....
Quote from: <3 on October 02, 2013, 07:29:03 PM
Don't mean to freak anyone out but that was the 666th post on this thread.....
Please don't say that :( I'm actually really worried. If someone has been in her house and leaving notes like that it's a huge cause for concern. I sincerely hope the police are there and that's why she's not answering.
Sephira, Please let us know when you are OK. I don't know about everyone else, but my heart stopped beating. I don't know if any of you pray, but now might be a good time to start. Let's help Sephira the only way we can right now!
If anybody can contact her other than the net, please try. I'm not leaving this post until we find out how she is. Hang in there Sephira!!!!!!!
*holds hands with Jessica and closes her eyes, Sailor Moon style* Come on guys, let's give her our support!
I'm thinking positive thoughts. If she called the police she likely won't be back online for a while.
28 years on the street gave me a pretty good intuition and I have to admit, I'm scared, stomach just fell and my pulse is racing. Holding hands with everyone!!!!
I'm not religious, but I'm praying to something, I don't quite know what, I'm just praying she's ok. I'm trying to stay positive too but I'm not going to lie I'm really really worried.
Girls, if these post clocks are right it's been over an hour. I don't want to stir things up, but as a paramedic I am really, really worried now. Even with dispatch and response delays we should have heard something by now. House searches only take 10 minutes tops! Even with an arrest we should have heard something by now. Sometimes knowledge sucks! Still here for you baby!
Being a moderator does Susan have a way to contact her other than the net? Should we alert Susan somehow? I am too new to know how this forum works. Can anybody help?
We can't give up hope.. My cat keeps meowing really sad like and it's not helping!
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 02, 2013, 08:10:45 PM
Girls, if these post clocks are right it's been over an hour. I don't want to stir things up, but as a paramedic I am really, really worried now. Even with dispatch and response delays we should have heard something by now. House searches only take 10 minutes tops! Even with an arrest we should have heard something by now. Sometimes knowledge sucks! Still here for you baby!
Well by the sounds of things she already has a clue who it is from or what it is about. That leads to talking to police, possibly for hours, possibly at a police station. Also, her first priority might not be to let people on Susan's know she's okay.
Girls, is there any way to flood our forum so everyone knows and can pray for her?
That's just horrible.. :icon_cry: Not religious but made me want to pray to something too.. Just please be well. Hope she's just talking with the police and hence not responding.
I don't know if she would want that. She probably wouldn't want to come back to find us all frantic and in a tizzy. We just need to stay strong for her! And Jessica, might want to say guys and gals. I'm in girl mode right now so I'm fine but Joey is in here too with us. Right Joey?
Quote from: Darkie on October 02, 2013, 08:18:05 PM
I don't know if she would want that. She probably wouldn't want to come back to find us all frantic and in a tizzy. We just need to stay strong for her! And Jessica, might want to say guys and gals. I'm in girl mode right now so I'm fine but Joey is in here too with us. Right Joey?
Yeah don't want to make her feel too bad when she comes back hours later not thinking that we would be worried at all
Sorry girls and guys, just freaking out a little. Not something I do at all.
Right on Darkie. Thank you. Darkie is right everyone, she wouldn't want us all to panic, lets just think positive and wait for a response, as <3 said, she's probably just talking to the police and her mind is bound to be elsewhere right now. Let's just stay strong until we hear something.
Quote from: <3 on October 02, 2013, 08:20:05 PM
Yeah don't want to make her feel too bad when she comes back hours later not thinking that we would be worried at all
...Can't tell if this is sarcasm. Sorry. Bad at social cues.
Sorry for all those I offended I am just a little emotional. I will sign out. PM me if you hear anything please.
Yes, we are all very concerned, there is no doubt of that, but let's stay positive in that our dear friend Sephirah will be okay and that the police will put a handle on the individual who has been bothering her
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 02, 2013, 08:25:28 PM
Sorry for all those I offended I am just a little emotional. I will sign out. PM me if you hear anything please.
You didn't offend anyone Jessica. O.o
Quote from: Darkie on October 02, 2013, 08:23:53 PM
...Can't tell if this is sarcasm. Sorry. Bad at social cues.
No sarcasm.
omg...I hope Sephirah is OK. That's really disturbing. Hopefully it was just some mental case who would never act on anything.
Sorry for the intrusion, just seeing if their was any news yet.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 02, 2013, 10:36:58 PM
Sorry for the intrusion, just seeing if their was any news yet.
You aren't intruding Jessica, please come back! *offers cookies*
Hey folks.
Just to let you know. I'm fine. It's being dealt with. :)
Don't worry, okay?
*huggles*
Told ya....knew she was fine.
Jessica who do you think you offended? I don't think you offended anyone, nobody wanted you to leave.
No one offended anyone, it's all good. :)
Actually, I just want to put it out of my mind, so... what's happening with everyone else?
*attentive look*
So relieved my stomach lied to me. So glad your still here Sephira.
My sexual desires. I need chemical castration.
Woke up to another day of this stupid world
Quote from: V M on October 03, 2013, 06:15:50 AM
Woke up to another day of this stupid world
Now, now honey you know we need you! Btw - what's for breakfast?
Workplace politics.
My big project is about to get seriously watered down. People are complaining, making ridiculous claims, and not listening to arguments. The higher-ups are getting cold feet. Although they agree with what I'm doing, rather than stay the course of organizational change, they're going to bow to pressure.
Short term gain for long term pain. :-\
I have studying, three weeks worth of homework, and several textbook chapters to read asap. I didn't want to leave it so long, but couldn't afford my textbooks.
I also got a last minute e-mail about a group work project. The other people in my group want to meet up today to work on it which means I'd have to bring my son which means I'll be too busy watching him to be much help. If they had actually tried to do some of this work in class like I was trying to do (trying to do a group work project in class when the other two members of the group are goofing off is difficult), I wouldn't have this problem.
Day 3 of a migraine
Quote from: Edge on October 03, 2013, 08:50:00 AM
I have studying, three weeks worth of homework, and several textbook chapters to read asap. I didn't want to leave it so long, but couldn't afford my textbooks.
I also got a last minute e-mail about a group work project. The other people in my group want to meet up today to work on it which means I'd have to bring my son which means I'll be too busy watching him to be much help. If they had actually tried to do some of this work in class like I was trying to do (trying to do a group work project in class when the other two members of the group are goofing off is difficult), I wouldn't have this problem.
What are you taking? Maybe we could help you with the homework?
Quote from: Darkie on October 03, 2013, 04:29:52 PM
What are you taking? Maybe we could help you with the homework?
Thanks for the offer, but it's ok. The reason I was having trouble was because I couldn't afford my textbook and, therefore, didn't even know what the questions were. (Thanks, student loans.)
I hate that time of the month. It doesn't get me dysphoria but the pain is almost unbearable.
Quote from: Darkie on October 03, 2013, 05:11:18 PM
I hate that time of the month. It doesn't get me dysphoria but the pain is almost unbearable.
Not fun! ((Hugs))
I think I'd be a bad father. :( Whenever I see kids crying, even on TV, I get the whole "WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?" mentality. Funnily enough, I will cry at something sad or beautiful, but I hate when people cry when a situation requires a level head. Even kids. And I hate that I feel that way because our bloody house could be on fire or something and I'd just tell my kid to get their shiz together.
Quote from: caleb. on October 04, 2013, 01:48:32 PM
I think I'd be a bad father. :( Whenever I see kids crying, even on TV, I get the whole "WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?" mentality. Funnily enough, I will cry at something sad or beautiful, but I hate when people cry when a situation requires a level head. Even kids. And I hate that I feel that way because our bloody house could be on fire or something and I'd just tell my kid to get their shiz together.
The warm and fuzzy mother instinct doesn't always come naturally for everyone and that's especially true for men. More than likely the T has obliterated any mother instinct that you may have had. Typical male behavior... :icon_ballbounce:
Quote from: caleb. on October 04, 2013, 01:48:32 PM
I think I'd be a bad father. :( Whenever I see kids crying, even on TV, I get the whole "WHAT ARE YOU CRYING FOR?" mentality. Funnily enough, I will cry at something sad or beautiful, but I hate when people cry when a situation requires a level head. Even kids. And I hate that I feel that way because our bloody house could be on fire or something and I'd just tell my kid to get their shiz together.
Thing is, if you ever end up having kids your reaction to them crying might be completely different. People often have different feelings towards their own kids. I knew a guy who thought he'd hate how busy kids are because he hated his niece's kids running around. Now he's got two and he still hates other kids running around but his own don't get that reaction :p
Quote from: Shantel on October 04, 2013, 07:10:12 PM
The warm and fuzzy mother instinct doesn't always come naturally for everyone and that's especially true for men. More than likely the T has obliterated any mother instinct that you may have had. Typical male behavior... :icon_ballbounce:
Oh, it's about as non-existent as it ever was lol. There hasn't been a single moment in my life where I have ever felt even remotely nurturing, or "motherly." Whatever that means. Even if I was a cis male, I'd be repulsed at the idea of creating my own biological kid, it's something I just don't understand. I actually remember telling my mom about it on a number of occasions, because I was aware that it was unusual, and she said "well just wait until you meet the right guy and then you'll want it..." Oh mom. :P
Quote from: NathanielM on October 05, 2013, 01:11:46 AM
Thing is, if you ever end up having kids your reaction to them crying might be completely different. People often have different feelings towards their own kids. I knew a guy who thought he'd hate how busy kids are because he hated his niece's kids running around. Now he's got two and he still hates other kids running around but his own don't get that reaction :p
Maybe, who knows, lol. I sometimes entertain the idea of adopting a child, because I'd love to take someone who just had a crap hand in life and give them a headstart. Make them tough and awesome.
What do you mean about having no right to claim things that are upsetting or offensive to you?
goddamnit people.
Today is the day I decided to really "crack down" on my work. I had everything set up...the house was quiet, no one needed anything from me. And then it begins...my grandmother is helping my mom take out the flowers. Super! Since I have the vagina chances are I'll be recruited as well, despite the fact that I have upcoming and urgent master's deadlines. It's not even helping that bothers me, it's that my attention span has been horrible and if I stop working, I'll lose my train of thought entirely and it will take forever to get it back. While my brother sits on his ass and plays that xbox again. Which is another issue, because if my grandma is coming, that means my brother is coming, and likes to yell at the television.
I was going to make the commute to university to work, which on a Saturday, is at least a 1.5 hour commute for me. And 1.5 to 2 hours back, since Saturday transit sucks. And it's hot outside so I'll be sitting in a pool of my own sweat again.
I decided it wasn't worth it. I'm staying here and working. My brother is just going to have to keep his hole shut.
just too many things to do around my house.
Quote from: izzy on October 05, 2013, 03:27:30 PM
just too many things to do around my house.
Right there with ya.
Just got wind that Kimber James is post-op now. All those hateful comments now from closeted homos... It only makes more clear my decission about going through the path of SRS.
Which by the way, as time goes by my GID finally extended to genitalia. At first I could tolerate it, but when things advanced...
In the last weeks I've been nearly in regression. Due to all the stress and depression, I ended going back to male mode (Going as female still gives me aditional psychological stress), and with time, I was relapsing to male pronouns and my old name. Now that I am "back", it's going to take me a few days to change back. And I have a full basket of bras to handwash as soon as tomorrow use my last one at the gym.
Quote from: Darkie on October 05, 2013, 03:36:08 PM
Right there with ya.
I have to shovel tens of feet of dirt to get my trees in from the other property and then I have to lug many items from other house. its physically exhausting.
Quote from: Liam Erik on October 05, 2013, 02:51:31 PM
I don't like hearing about things or seeing things that 'used to be.' Hey, remember when you ____? Yeah, that caused me pain (or) I did that because I was in pain.
But I feel I have no right to tell my family to forget things ever happened, because their memories are positive and valuable to them.
I'm being hypersensitive right now. I need to establish a good rapid calm-down protocol, like a cup of cocoa and watch Supernatural until I fall asleep. That has potential.
I can not stand being reminded of my past too, its of something i like to avoid.
Apparently nobody thought this thread was worth continuing
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,22116.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,22116.0.html)
Can't people close their windows to have sex? Specially when they are so noisy? The only thing I'm missing this morning is the Tarzan shout. Seriously, there are people like me we hate being reminded that there is something called sex...
That horrible feeling whre I can feel my phantom limb acting up and wanting attention....but it's not there because it's a phantom limb and it's driving me insane. I HATE that I was born a biological female. The only thing I can do now is try and go to sleep and hope my "drive" goes down. That is just horrible and I shouldn't have to go through this. Why couldn't I have just been born a cismale so I could take care of the problem easily? -sigh-
Meh
Quote from: <3 on October 05, 2013, 11:47:39 PM
Apparently nobody thought this thread was worth continuing
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,22116.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,22116.0.html)
Best to start a new one. In fact, let's do it!
looking down,,,,
My brother made my mom cry today. My mom NEVER cries. I won't post everything he said, just the parts that upset her the most.
She asked him to help her out because she broke her arm a few days ago. and out of nowhere, he pointed at me and called me the c-word (yes, the really bad one). I pointed at him and told him to NEVER call me that again. My mom told him not to, and he went on saying "you brought this on yourself mom, this is why no one helps you, mom." She cried because she said she is doing as much, if not more, than she usually does because she has to take a month off work (her arm is an unstable fracture). And she only needs help with things that absolutely needs two hands and she is sick of waiting for him to finish with video games before coming to help her with a small thing. My dad avoids helping too, I'm the only one who helps. Then she said "when I am better, you and your dad can live here. No one needs me."
Truthfully, I wanted to punch a hole into a wall and throw something at the jerk's head. But I didn't, I went into another room and cooled off, because I knew if I flew off the handle my mom would cry more.
She came downstairs later and said to me "I'm sorry for creating a dysfunctional family." I went upstairs to comfort her and tell her that she was a good mom, but she kept saying "no, I brought this on myself, it's my fault. All I wanted was to clear the backyard before the snows comes so the mice don't hide by the house." Then she sat alone in the dark and cried more for I don't know how long.
My heart is broken. My mom deserves SO much better than that. I am sick of my brother being an ungrateful jerk! My mom always takes his side and gives him everything and he treats her like a taxi service, nothing more. Apparently he apologized, but I don't care. I am so angry at him, and now that I'm alone, I'm crying for my mom.
Tomorrow I have to be at uni early, but I will be coming home as soon as I can to help her with the yardwork. I have a ton of deadlines that I'll probably miss, as tomorrow was meant to be the "get my butt in gear" day, but I don't care. Family comes first, and I won't have my mom feeling neglected, or hurting her arm further and needing surgery because she tries to do it alone.
If I were his father, his video games would be GONE the second it takes precedence over helping his injured mother. But they aren't going to punish him in any way, shape, or form. He got away with it and he will continue to. I hope reality gives this kid a hard beating.
Quote from: caleb. on October 07, 2013, 03:49:39 AM
My brother made my mom cry today. My mom NEVER cries. I won't post everything he said, just the parts that upset her the most.
She asked him to help her out because she broke her arm a few days ago. and out of nowhere, he pointed at me and called me the c-word (yes, the really bad one). I pointed at him and told him to NEVER call me that again. My mom told him not to, and he went on saying "you brought this on yourself mom, this is why no one helps you, mom." She cried because she said she is doing as much, if not more, than she usually does because she has to take a month off work (her arm is an unstable fracture). And she only needs help with things that absolutely needs two hands and she is sick of waiting for him to finish with video games before coming to help her with a small thing. My dad avoids helping too, I'm the only one who helps. Then she said "when I am better, you and your dad can live here. No one needs me." I'd jerk the rug out from under that ingrate, his xbox would be gone and he'd either be living in the street or get his butt in gear and get upwardly mobile in a hurry. I raised two boys and occasionally you have to serve up a lot of tough love to get their attention.
Truthfully, I wanted to punch a hole into a wall and throw something at the jerk's head. But I didn't, I went into another room and cooled off, because I knew if I flew off the handle my mom would cry more. Not the wall, he's overdue for a knuckle sandwich.
She came downstairs later and said to me "I'm sorry for creating a dysfunctional family." I went upstairs to comfort her and tell her that she was a good mom, but she kept saying "no, I brought this on myself, it's my fault. All I wanted was to clear the backyard before the snows comes so the mice don't hide by the house." Then she sat alone in the dark and cried more for I don't know how long. She needn't take responsibility for their behavior, it's not her fault that they are selfish jerks.
My heart is broken. My mom deserves SO much better than that. I am sick of my brother being an ungrateful jerk! My mom always takes his side and gives him everything and he treats her like a taxi service, nothing more. Apparently he apologized, but I don't care. I am so angry at him, and now that I'm alone, I'm crying for my mom. Hugs to both of you hon, you don't need to allow it to keep going on.
Tomorrow I have to be at uni early, but I will be coming home as soon as I can to help her with the yardwork. I have a ton of deadlines that I'll probably miss, as tomorrow was meant to be the "get my butt in gear" day, but I don't care. Family comes first, and I won't have my mom feeling neglected, or hurting her arm further and needing surgery because she tries to do it alone.
If I were his father, his video games would be GONE the second it takes precedence over helping his injured mother. But they aren't going to punish him in any way, shape, or form. He got away with it and he will continue to. I hope reality gives this kid a hard beating. He'd better or he's abdicating his duty as a father, I don't give a rip about nanny state rules of discipline either, that boy needs his ass kicked.
It bugs me when things that claim to be for mental health awareness solely talk about mood disorders. Why don't they fight the stigma against personality disorders that suffer stigma even within the mental health community and system? Why don't they fight the stigma of schizo spectrum disorders which are still socially acceptable to mock? But no, all they talk about are mood disorders. They should change the name to mood disorder awareness.
You're right Shan...my brother *can* be good sometimes, but honestly, he needs that little extra push. Especially at the moment, with his crappy attitude. What baffles me is they had no problem punishing me as a teenager, or my other brother (well, they more just said hurtful things but still). But this one, meh, he can apparently just do whatever the hell he wants. And because he's been babied his entire life, he's ungrateful.
I'm sick of people who stop talking to me with some bs excuse that I'm mad at them. At least come up with a better excuse than telling me what I'm feeling without actually asking me.
Quote from: Edge on October 07, 2013, 08:37:35 PM
I'm sick of people who stop talking to me with some bs excuse that I'm mad at them. At least come up with a better excuse than telling me what I'm feeling without actually asking me.
*hugs* I'm sorry.
Quote from: caleb. on October 07, 2013, 06:13:37 PM
You're right Shan...my brother *can* be good sometimes, but honestly, he needs that little extra push. Especially at the moment, with his crappy attitude. What baffles me is they had no problem punishing me as a teenager, or my other brother (well, they more just said hurtful things but still). But this one, meh, he can apparently just do whatever the hell he wants. And because he's been babied his entire life, he's ungrateful.
Unfortunately they have just enabled him to be a turd!
Quote from: Shantel on October 07, 2013, 09:27:25 AM
(Shan's comments to Caleb)
I would go even further. Take the Xbox away tonight and hide it until the yard is cleaned up. Stand your ground. Help your mom out.
Quote from: caleb. on October 07, 2013, 03:49:39 AM
My brother made my mom cry today. My mom NEVER cries. I won't post everything he said, just the parts that upset her the most.
She asked him to help her out because she broke her arm a few days ago. and out of nowhere, he pointed at me and called me the c-word (yes, the really bad one). I pointed at him and told him to NEVER call me that again. My mom told him not to, and he went on saying "you brought this on yourself mom, this is why no one helps you, mom." She cried because she said she is doing as much, if not more, than she usually does because she has to take a month off work (her arm is an unstable fracture). And she only needs help with things that absolutely needs two hands and she is sick of waiting for him to finish with video games before coming to help her with a small thing. My dad avoids helping too, I'm the only one who helps. Then she said "when I am better, you and your dad can live here. No one needs me."
Truthfully, I wanted to punch a hole into a wall and throw something at the jerk's head. But I didn't, I went into another room and cooled off, because I knew if I flew off the handle my mom would cry more.
She came downstairs later and said to me "I'm sorry for creating a dysfunctional family." I went upstairs to comfort her and tell her that she was a good mom, but she kept saying "no, I brought this on myself, it's my fault. All I wanted was to clear the backyard before the snows comes so the mice don't hide by the house." Then she sat alone in the dark and cried more for I don't know how long.
My heart is broken. My mom deserves SO much better than that. I am sick of my brother being an ungrateful jerk! My mom always takes his side and gives him everything and he treats her like a taxi service, nothing more. Apparently he apologized, but I don't care. I am so angry at him, and now that I'm alone, I'm crying for my mom.
Tomorrow I have to be at uni early, but I will be coming home as soon as I can to help her with the yardwork. I have a ton of deadlines that I'll probably miss, as tomorrow was meant to be the "get my butt in gear" day, but I don't care. Family comes first, and I won't have my mom feeling neglected, or hurting her arm further and needing surgery because she tries to do it alone.
If I were his father, his video games would be GONE the second it takes precedence over helping his injured mother. But they aren't going to punish him in any way, shape, or form. He got away with it and he will continue to. I hope reality gives this kid a hard beating.
Sounds like your brother needs to receive a free testicle lift via a foot exam for being a absolute uncaring turd. Sorry to say harsh words about him but really he needs a good attitude readjustment. I understand completely how it feels to have a sibling who makes their parent suffer from their actions.
Quote from: Jamie de la Rosa on October 07, 2013, 09:04:54 PM
I would go even further. Take the Xbox away tonight and hide it until the yard is cleaned up. Stand your ground. Help your mom out.
That might backfire. If he goes to mom screaming and asking where his xbox is and she doesn't know, chances are he's going to know who took it and that could get messy.
On another site a lesbian woman said she was going to make a NALT video because "the hatred has to stop" by that next week. Well a couple of weeks went by and I asked if she had made tht video yet because I would love to see it but she never replied (I asked twice) yet she replied to another post in a forum. That sucks. :/
Quote from: Darkie on October 07, 2013, 09:09:45 PM
That might backfire. If he goes to mom screaming and asking where his xbox is and she doesn't know, chances are he's going to know who took it and that could get messy.
I have found that deprivation is the worst thing you can do to a spoiled brat. Stop feeding the monster.
I wondered if my intolerance to gluten was just in my head and ate bread from subway.
..Nope. It's not in my head.
Now I'm bloated like a balloon and feel like cats are clawing down my insides.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 05, 2013, 03:43:18 PM
Just got wind that Kimber James is post-op now. All those hateful comments now from closeted homos... It only makes more clear my decission about going through the path of SRS.
Kimber James has been post-op for "a year and a half." Kimber, like fellow performer Bailey Jay, very much identify as part of the transgender community.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm3.staticflickr.com%2F2434%2F5778243482_9b7fbdbf94_z.jpg&hash=9e6f0a451d00ee979909870af3f067f7f42c4f63)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fuserserve-ak.last.fm%2Fserve%2F500%2F77350278%2FBailey%2BJay%2B%2B%2Blfm%2Bpic.jpg&hash=375e99db78de152ab9726b97b27ef37a941670e9)
Kimber James ............ Bailey Jay
My arms are telling me that my internship's provided weightlifting was way too much yesterday. Auch :( And tommorow I'm back to it...
For another week, I'm gonna pass on the LGBT support groups. Provided excuse: My hair looks terrible today.
Week after week passes, and I am in the exact moment to require a bit of support, and I really want to meet people, but I'd be mute. I don't want to talk, specially about work, my family situation...
Feck, I can't even find peace at the bottom of a bottle since I only drink alcohol free beer. I should use my sick leave to visit some friends
A certain (in)famous software company.
Trying to figure out how to fit their one-size-fits-all software into our quirky little environment is like trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole... using my forehead as a hammer. :eusa_wall:
My HP Laptop won't upload my pictures to Facebook for some reason. :/
Been thinking about my big sister, Jannie a lot lately. I miss her a lot and even though she's been gone a while now, I just never really dealt with it. It shouldn't bother me as much as it does because I am so used to people coming and going in my life, but this I suppose, is far more personal. Azzie and Caleb are going to try and be here in November for a few days and I imagine I'll be a wreck, since the 4 of us would chat via webcam almost every night.
I still miss Caleb too.
Oh, and I hate my job. We never get out at 3PM It's like we get detention for lines going down. or we are punished because of a fire alarm drill they scheduled. What really get's me is, they have a 2nd and 3rd shift that mainly do maintenance. If you have 2 shifts doing maintenance then why does stuff constantly break down? What are they really doing on those 2 shifts? And we keep running out of parts too. But we could maybe avoid that by letting us leave on time. I hate Toyota cars and now I hate their fork lifts too.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, I work beside 2 women in their late 20's. they are constantly chatting to each other, even if there is work they could be doing. And no one even talks to me beyond, "Hi, how are you?" "Next one is a 1 ton." and "Excuse me." as they squeeze by. I even eat lunch alone.
Quote from: Miss Bungle on October 08, 2013, 08:30:15 PM
Are you feeling any better?
Nope, ate a Taco Tato (Potato with chili, chips, tomatoes and onions on top) and the chili is making my stomach hurt. DX
My brother made my mom cry today. My mom NEVER cries. I won't post everything he said, just the parts that upset her the most.
She asked him to help her out because she broke her arm a few days ago. and out of nowhere, he pointed at me and called me the c-word (yes, the really bad one). I pointed at him and told him to NEVER call me that again. My mom told him not to, and he went on saying "you brought this on yourself mom, this is why no one helps you, mom." She cried because she said she is doing as much, if not more, than she usually does because she has to take a month off work (her arm is an unstable fracture). And she only needs help with things that absolutely needs two hands and she is sick of waiting for him to finish with video games before coming to help her with a small thing. My dad avoids helping too, I'm the only one who helps. Then she said "when I am better, you and your dad can live here. No one needs me." I'd jerk the rug out from under that ingrate, his xbox would be gone and he'd either be living in the street or get his butt in gear and get upwardly mobile in a hurry. I raised two boys and occasionally you have to serve up a lot of tough love to get their attention.
Truthfully, I wanted to punch a hole into a wall and throw something at the jerk's head. But I didn't, I went into another room and cooled off, because I knew if I flew off the handle my mom would cry more. Not the wall, he's overdue for a knuckle sandwich.
She came downstairs later and said to me "I'm sorry for creating a dysfunctional family." I went upstairs to comfort her and tell her that she was a good mom, but she kept saying "no, I brought this on myself, it's my fault. All I wanted was to clear the backyard before the snows comes so the mice don't hide by the house." Then she sat alone in the dark and cried more for I don't know how long. She needn't take responsibility for their behavior, it's not her fault that they are selfish jerks.
My heart is broken. My mom deserves SO much better than that. I am sick of my brother being an ungrateful jerk! My mom always takes his side and gives him everything and he treats her like a taxi service, nothing more. Apparently he apologized, but I don't care. I am so angry at him, and now that I'm alone, I'm crying for my mom. Hugs to both of you hon, you don't need to allow it to keep going on.
Tomorrow I have to be at uni early, but I will be coming home as soon as I can to help her with the yardwork. I have a ton of deadlines that I'll probably miss, as tomorrow was meant to be the "get my butt in gear" day, but I don't care. Family comes first, and I won't have my mom feeling neglected, or hurting her arm further and needing surgery because she tries to do it alone.
If I were his father, his video games would be GONE the second it takes precedence over helping his injured mother. But they aren't going to punish him in any way, shape, or form. He got away with it and he will continue to. I hope reality gives this kid a hard beating. He'd better or he's abdicating his duty as a father, I don't give a rip about nanny state rules of discipline either, that boy needs his ass kicked.
Caleb won't introduce him to Mr. Fist. I on the other hand have no problems with making that little turd cry, I did so before and like the loud mouth little wimp he is, he went crying to his Mom. I know how he is from the many times he has dared appear in my digital presence on google hangouts. And if he were my brother, rest assured, Mr. Fist would be leaving his buddy, Mr. boot up his backside. Caleb is the sweetest guy I know and when he told me about this, I pretty much told him the gloves are off.
I have a mean streak a mile wide and I know how to wield it.
Quote from: Miss Bungle on October 08, 2013, 08:30:15 PM
Are you feeling any better?
Just hit it with a stick. That works every time.
Probably would scratch my laptop. I guess I'll just have to find another way to save photos. -sigh-
Quote from: Miss Bungle on October 08, 2013, 10:27:45 PM
You seem to be having the worst luck with food the last couple of days. *hugs*
I always have the worst luck with food. Which is half the reason I can't be in boy mode half the times at cons. I end up having to eat gluten and I swell, making a binder impossible unless I feel like puking up everything I ate. Plus it makes me cranky.
Yahoo's new format, looks nice but frustrating and annoying as heck
I wish they would quit screwin' with stuff
I was too afraid to use the women's bathroom at a shopping mall.
I did not need to pee, but I wanted to enter a stall to remove my hoodie (I need to remove my extension first), and upon entering... Every stall busy, a waiting line, and women with almost military looks controlling the queue. I was to afraid of being there for too much time and being clocked or even ordered to go to the men's bathroom (they looked fierce).
Rude stupid people who behave like conceited clod hopping jerks :P Sometimes I feel like pulling the stick out of their butts and beating them with it
Quote from: Jamie de la Rosa on October 07, 2013, 09:04:54 PM
I would go even further. Take the Xbox away tonight and hide it until the yard is cleaned up. Stand your ground. Help your mom out.
Lol, believe me, if I could, I would. But mom will support him anyway, even after he spoke to her like that. My brother and I were talking (my other brother, the one who isn't a complete jerkoff) and he said that if his son talked to his parents that way, he'd be kicked out until he learned to be grateful. :P Sadly, it isn't our choice and mom has to decide to put her foot down I'm afraid.
Quote from: Megan on October 07, 2013, 09:08:08 PM
Sounds like your brother needs to receive a free testicle lift via a foot exam for being a absolute uncaring turd. Sorry to say harsh words about him but really he needs a good attitude readjustment. I understand completely how it feels to have a sibling who makes their parent suffer from their actions.
You're right, Megan. I'm hoping that life will just give him the kick in the ass when the time comes. Myself and my other brother are basically convinced that one day someone is just going to think he is a huge douchebag and punch him lol.
Quote from: Keaira Raine on October 08, 2013, 09:53:17 PM
Caleb won't introduce him to Mr. Fist. I on the other hand have no problems with making that little turd cry, I did so before and like the loud mouth little wimp he is, he went crying to his Mom. I know how he is from the many times he has dared appear in my digital presence on google hangouts. And if he were my brother, rest assured, Mr. Fist would be leaving his buddy, Mr. boot up his backside. Caleb is the sweetest guy I know and when he told me about this, I pretty much told him the gloves are off.
I have a mean streak a mile wide and I know how to wield it.
My parents have stated multiple times that they will charge me with assault if I were to hit my brother. I've told you this. As much as I think he may deserve a punch, I would prefer to have a clean criminal record.
Quote from: caleb. on October 09, 2013, 08:26:50 AM
My parents have stated multiple times that they will charge me with assault if I were to hit my brother. I've told you this. As much as I think he may deserve a punch, I would prefer to have a clean criminal record.
Yeah you don't need that kind of grief! Unfortunately we are hamstrung by the well intentioned nanny state laws concerning domestic violence to the extent that the youngest sibling can control and manipulate the entire household and threaten the parents with a level 4 felony arrest if they spank him. I had such an arrest in the past for disciplining my out of control son who I caught hopping up and down using the F-word on his mom in a loud voice, I don't look good in an orange jumpsuit btw and really resented being in with the general male population as it was a bit intimidating. A year and $2700 later the case was dropped by the court and I retain my 2nd Amendment rights, all of which are at stake when you strike someone in your own home. We can always vent here about how we'd like to pound the crap out of someone because it's a lot safer than actually acting it out in real life.
Quote from: V M on October 09, 2013, 08:26:29 AM
Rude stupid people who behave like conceited clod hopping jerks :P Sometimes I feel like pulling the stick out of their butts and beating them with it
how can we control these people?
My dysphoria this past week has been out of control. Every shower I'm crying, every physical thing I do just rubs in how my body doesn't have the T in it that all of the other guys have, and worst of all, it's starting to make me withdraw back into myself, and I'm scared that depression is starting to creep back in. I don't want to offload everything onto my girlfriend, but there's no one else to talk to. Yesterday my class, including the instructor was making transphobic comments about the trans woman member of staff and I had to get out of there, regardless of how obvious it must have looked. There's one guy who I think might get it, but I don't want to lose one of the person I enjoy the friendship with.
22 days until I get to go home, see my girlfriend and have a break from all this for the weekend.
Quote from: izzy on October 09, 2013, 09:39:47 AM
how can we control these people?
Y'all ain't the boss of me!!
This site doesn't recognize that I resubscribed so I am still missing my benefits like the private side of Susan's. Somehow I think my subscription will still run out on time so I will be shorted some days.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 09, 2013, 08:24:14 PM
This site doesn't recognize that I resubscribed so I am still missing my benefits like the private side of Susan's. Somehow I think my subscription will still run out on time so I will be shorted some days.
Fixed
Second day at the gym, and I feel useless. i've never been very good at not skipping, but after HRT my performance has flatlined, in terms of Cardio resistance and top body strenght. And I absolutely don't like it. Damn!
I had the stupid idea of calling my father to sk if he still had those old rugs (it's getting cold here), and he ask me about how's everything. Life, work...
I started crying, and replied with "As usual", finished quickly and spent another five minutes weeping. They don't know anything about me being at home for depression, and I thought that after 4 days of not working I was taking this as a vacation (what I was ordered) and I was better than I thought, but damn. It's still terrible whenever I think about everything and the cover blows. If they discover that I am not working, it will be even worse.
I've been balancing accounts for half a day and solving issues with the electricity provider, and the bill is going to be another nice hit. I'm trying to save a bit every month for my future surgeries, but is nearly impossible. I am controlling all of my expenses to the maximum and I still have issues reaching the end of the month. When I thought I was safe, I saw the stash of prescriptions I had to buy, of which I'll only get the avodart, the healing spray for the summer's surgery and the antidepressants. Unless stress gets again to top levels and my abdomen starts failing again, I can survive without the stomach meds. Also, the hrt is getting quite expensive, but it's not something I can lay off. Everything because of that tax that maimed my finances since summer, and that I'm struggling to save again what the government stole from me.
Also, it's the problem that I still miss my family. They would not believe if I told them I only want to see them and huge them for the first time in my life, but that directly conflicts with their acceptance of myself. Maybe I will see my father this weekend and I don't plan to change back my attire now, but I'm afraid of how he will react.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 10, 2013, 10:58:09 AM
I had the stupid idea of calling my father to sk if he still had those old rugs (it's getting cold here), and he ask me about how's everything. Life, work...
I started crying, and replied with "As usual", finished quickly and spent another five minutes weeping. They don't know anything about me being at home for depression, and I thought that after 4 days of not working I was taking this as a vacation (what I was ordered) and I was better than I thought, but damn. It's still terrible whenever I think about everything and the cover blows. If they discover that I am not working, it will be even worse.
I've been balancing accounts for half a day and solving issues with the electricity provider, and the bill is going to be another nice hit. I'm trying to save a bit every month for my future surgeries, but is nearly impossible. I am controlling all of my expenses to the maximum and I still have issues reaching the end of the month. When I thought I was safe, I saw the stash of prescriptions I had to buy, of which I'll only get the avodart, the healing spray for the summer's surgery and the antidepressants. Unless stress gets again to top levels and my abdomen starts failing again, I can survive without the stomach meds. Also, the hrt is getting quite expensive, but it's not something I can lay off. Everything because of that tax that maimed my finances since summer, and that I'm struggling to save again what the government stole from me.
Also, it's the problem that I still miss my family. They would not believe if I told them I only want to see them and huge them for the first time in my life, but that directly conflicts with their acceptance of myself. Maybe I will see my father this weekend and I don't plan to change back my attire now, but I'm afraid of how he will react.
((((Hugs)))) :icon_bunch:
Quote from: Shantel on October 10, 2013, 11:07:34 AM
((((Hugs)))) :icon_bunch:
Thanks. Now I am split. If I go to the gym I'll be able to release steam, but I won't be able to see a friend. Not sure what to do, if working out at home.... But everything feels oppresive here.
I can't wait till the next tuesday (LGBT support group).
PTSD triggers
I need to stop with my habit of sleeping naked. I went back into the toilet, looked in the mirror and.... Seeing it hanging there almost made me cry, an aberration out of place. When I look down it's not that bad, but seeing it there... At least having it covered with underwear makes it less of a problem.
And tomorrow is gym day again. I hate the men's changing room, but what can I do if I still don't pass without 2 kg of makeup and hair extensions? (Which I can't wear there). I always need to very my forehead with something there tying back my hair will reveal my damaged male hairline (god bless bangs and avodart). I'm considering buying a boonie just for going and coming from there.
My Psychiatrist and Endo seem incapabable of communicating effectively. Neither seems to understand what the other wants, need, intends, or knows. I keep having to act as an intermediary, clarifying and correcting misconceptions. NOT! MY! JOB!
Cut myself shaving. That was not fun :(
There's so much that made me unhappy today, I don't even know where to begin. :(
Amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 12, 2013, 12:00:20 AMThere's so much that made me unhappy today, I don't even know where to begin. :(
Amy
You poor thing :(
Well, at least in Eastern and Central time zones, it's now tomorrow, and it can only get better :)
The stuck up bitch with a face like a cat's ass who didn't tell me she didn't eat beans or tomatoes til I served the breakfast,demanded another then told me not to bother as I was about to serve it.AAARRRGGGHHH!
Seeing that Facebook is going to remove the setting that allows for making yourself unsearchable. That makes me extremely uncomfortable and I may end up taking down my page for good.
I got my old recordable VHS tapes back from my parents that had shows I grew up watching. I watched these tapes over and OVER in high school as my escape. My parents have recorded all over them, it's all their stuff. It's hitting me a little hard. I'm watching what they recorded because I haven't had tv in so so SO long.
Quote from: anymouse on October 12, 2013, 07:34:08 AM
Seeing that Facebook is going to remove the setting that allows for making yourself unsearchable. That makes me extremely uncomfortable and I may end up taking down my page for good.
I took mine down a long time ago because they are so much more intrusive than anyone realizes.
Quote from: Shantel on October 12, 2013, 10:23:57 AM
I took mine down a long time ago because they are so much more intrusive than anyone realizes.
The only thing that bothers me is that on my "out" Facebook that I only have friends from Susan's on, I often get suggestions to add friends that I have on my other Facebook. As far as I know there is no connection between them and I have no idea where they are getting this information.
Quote from: Princess of Oblique References on October 11, 2013, 11:10:58 PM
My Psychiatrist and Endo seem incapabable of communicating effectively. Neither seems to understand what the other wants, need, intends, or knows. I keep having to act as an intermediary, clarifying and correcting misconceptions. NOT! MY! JOB!
There's nothing new about that, it's what they do because they can! You have to be pro-active and push them in the direction you want to go or they just won't get it. Makes you wonder if they all have a missing gene!
Quote from: <3 on October 12, 2013, 10:25:58 AM
The only thing that bothers me is that on my "out" Facebook that I only have friends from Susan's on, I often get suggestions to add friends that I have on my other Facebook. As far as I know there is no connection between them and I have no idea where they are getting this information.
After you have been a member on any Internet website long enough you can google whatever name you use and there will be things that you have written posted there. For instance, I wrote this a long time ago on a supposedly secure site and just did a search on Bing and there it was for the world to see, I resent that!..http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-An-Androgyne/1297652
People who use language in their thread titles that make the site look like a trailer park.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 12, 2013, 10:57:20 AM
People who use language in their thread titles that make the site look like a trailer park.
How so?
Trailer park web site?
Crashed my bike in front of a bunch of people and hurt my toe. Other than that, I'm ok, but the chain fell off my bike again. It's so greasy, it's nasty to put it back on.
And men's rooms are so disgusting and hard to find. I hate that I still have to use them :(
My life made me unhappy today. :(
Amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 12, 2013, 01:54:14 PMMy life made me unhappy today. :(
Amy
You poor thing :(
Here's a hug to make it better.
*hug*
OK Cupid AnusHoles. After the moron asking for nudes, I get another message from another with a 90℅ enemy rate asking if I want to work as a model.
I changed my orientation to les only and set the privacy option to not to be seen by straight.
I'm starting to hate men. And I want "that" removed from me as soon as possible.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 12, 2013, 02:41:38 PM
OK Cupid AnusHoles. After the moron asking for nudes, I get another message from another with a 90℅ enemy rate asking if I want to work as a model.
I changed my orientation to led only and set the privacy option to not to be seen by straight.
I'm starting to hate men. And I want "that" removed from me as soon as possible.
I have heard so many horror stories about dating sites in general...especially from trans people. And funnily enough, the creepy comments almost always do come from men. I've heard about some women but the number is much lower.
Quote from: caleb. on October 12, 2013, 03:21:10 PM
I have heard so many horror stories about dating sites in general...especially from trans people. And funnily enough, the creepy comments almost always do come from men. I've heard about some women but the number is much lower.
yeah, but I fon't know what to do. All of my friends are living their own lives in stable couples, so I've been left behing, alone and friendless. I don't know what to do to find new friends. That's why I started going to the LGBT support group, although I did not find what I was looking for exactly. I want to ask if I can go to the girls group, but I'm afraid of being seen as an enemy with my voice and what I have between my legs).
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 12, 2013, 04:34:13 PMyeah, but I fon't know what to do. All of my friends are living their own lives in stable couples, so I've been left behing, alone and friendless. I don't know what to do to find new friends. That's why I started going to the LGBT support group, although I did not find what I was looking for exactly. I want to ask if I can go to the girls group, but I'm afraid of being seen as an enemy with my voice and what I have between my legs).
Maybe try announcing at first that you are trans, and that, if you start to not feel safe, for any reason, you have the right to leave.
And also, is there a dedicated trans group with it? My university has several LGBT groups and one trans group, but so far I prefer the latter, even if everyone in there already does a pretty good job presenting themselves as their desired gender, and it's just me who is out of place. But I know I'm safe there, and no one would want to hurt me.
Maybe that's more of the kind of thing you should seek.
And I know we're the internet, but you always have a friend in us, no matter how unreal we seem to you in a moment :)
Quote from: Willow on October 12, 2013, 04:42:11 PM
And also, is there a dedicated trans group with it?
Nope. There was one once per month a long time ago, but it was removed. They told me that maybe they could start running it again... two girls had been seen it the mixed group the previous week (They did not tell me what kind of girls). There is just that. Les, Mixed (gay), old lesgay, catholic gay..... And the rest of associations in the city are also gay. It's like a bear Paradise.
For the record, I hate body hair.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 12, 2013, 05:00:11 PM
Nope. There was one once per month a long time ago, but it was removed. They told me that maybe they could start running it again... two girls had been seen it the mixed group the previous week (They did not tell me what kind of girls). There is just that. Les, Mixed (gay), old lesgay, catholic gay..... And the rest of associations in the city are also gay. It's like a bear Paradise.
For the record, I hate body hair.
That's unfortunate. Hopefully you can find someone really supportive there. It'll be for the best :)
So do I! I want to get rid of mine so much, but I can only shave, and I'm bad at it. It ends up patchy and bloody; I never get it all and I cut myself. I can't wait for laser or electrolysis.
Quote from: Willow on October 12, 2013, 05:23:37 PM
That's unfortunate. Hopefully you can find someone really supportive there. It'll be for the best :)
So do I! I want to get rid of mine so much, but I can only shave, and I'm bad at it. It ends up patchy and bloody; I never get it all and I cut myself. I can't wait for laser or electrolysis.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.philips.com%2Fis%2Fimage%2FPhilipsConsumer%2FTT2030_10-IMS-global%3Fwid%3D330%26amp%3Bhei%3D330%26amp%3B%24jpglarge%24&hash=e62b5cc3ef4b4dcbb6878897f6d24fc1e4949131)
Philips Bodygroom is your friend. I use it once per week on all the body, since it's the only thing that won' give me folliculitis on areas such as genitalia or between genitalia and legs. I only use the razor on legs the day before wearing a dress. I've been doing it for the last four year, and the second version they released of the simple model is a godsend. Pretty much it's always at hand in the bathroom for a quick armpit control.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 12, 2013, 05:29:05 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.philips.com%2Fis%2Fimage%2FPhilipsConsumer%2FTT2030_10-IMS-global%3Fwid%3D330%26amp%3Bhei%3D330%26amp%3B%24jpglarge%24&hash=e62b5cc3ef4b4dcbb6878897f6d24fc1e4949131)
Philips Bodygroom is your friend. I use it once per week on all the body, since it's the only thing that won' give me folliculitis on areas such as genitalia or between genitalia and legs. I only use the razor on legs the day before wearing a dress. I've been doing it for the last four year, and the second version they released of the simple model is a godsend. Pretty much it's always at hand in the bathroom for a quick armpit control.
When I first saw that picture I was about to think "here goes the rest of my yearly spending money" but looking it up, the cost is quite reasonable.
Which of the three would you reccomend?
Here's the link to them on the Phillips website:
http://www.usa.philips.com/c/body-groomers/294478/cat/en/
Just get the simplest. They started adding models with hair trimmer and beard electric razor, but you are not going to use even the combs included in the basic package, since you are going to want zero lenght hair. The first one (blue) was 40€ and had a major flaw: The vibration of the shaving razor wore the head and int the end even if you put a new razor it would end flying. The second model (the one I currently have) was 30€ and allows replacing the whole head (it can be fully removed for cleaning instead of just the razor).
And protip: Works better in dry hair, forget about using it in wet sking despite being shower ready. Just have a big bottle of body moisturizer for after you finish, this thing can dry you a lot.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 12, 2013, 05:50:02 PM
Just get the simplest. They started adding models with hair trimmer and beard electric razor, but you are not going to use even the combs included in the basic package, since you are going to want zero lenght hair. The first one (blue) was 40€ and had a major flaw: The vibration of the shaving razor wore the head and int the end even if you put a new razor it would end flying. The second model (the one I have know) was 30€ and allows replacing the whole head (it can be fully removed for cleaning instead of just the razor).
And protip: Works better in dry hair, forget about using it in wet sking despite being shower ready. Just have a big bottle of body moisturizer for after you finish, this thing can dry you a lot.
What about the back attachment in the midrange model? Do you think it does anything different for shaving your back?
WalMart has them all $5 off the reccomended price by Phillips. I know where I'm going tomorrow!
Quote from: Willow on October 12, 2013, 05:56:04 PM
What about the back attachment in the midrange model? Do you think it does anything different for shaving your back?
WalMart has them all $5 off the reccomended price by Phillips. I know where I'm going tomorrow!
I'm 5'8" and I never had any problems to reach the back , although I only had a bit of fuzz, never real hair back there. I do all my back (you never know) from over the shoulder and the sides. It all depends on how flexible you are... In fact, sometimes I even handle it almost from the head, for extra careful places such as between the buttocks. Pre laser it took me 25 minutes to do all my body. You may get addicted to it...
Word of advice, I know you are going to aim for the scrotum the first time you use it (who would not?). Most common situation is that you will end bleeding. After that you will always remember that you have to stretch the skin before using it.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 12, 2013, 06:34:02 PMI'm 5'8" and I never had any problems to reach the back , although I only had a bit of fuzz, never real hair back there. I do all my back (you never know) from over the shoulder and the sides. It all depends on how flexible you are... In fact, sometimes I even handle it almost from the head, for extra careful places such as between the buttocks. Pre laser it took me 25 minutes to do all my body. You may get addicted to it...
Word of advice, I know you are going to aim for the scrotum the first time you use it (who would not?). Most common situation is that you will end bleeding. After that you will always remember that you have to stretch the skin before using it.
I'm 6'3" and not very flexible...
It seems that WalMart only carries the basic in store, and if you like that, then it's probably what I should get.
I don't doubt the addiction. :P So, 25 minutes weekly, just about? My body hair grows fast, so my estimate would be slightly shorter time period than the majority.
I'll hold off on legs and arms yet, the only people who thing my leg hair at the moment is abnormal are my little cousins, so they don't really count :P
But I still don't like how thick it is anywhere. Stupid Italian male genes.
1. Can't find my fingernail filer
2. My favorite stripper in GTA V isn't actually in front of me to play the mini game with
WTF ??? Forgot the potatoes and water all evaporated out of the range top steamer, they are now charcoal briquettes! >:(
Quote from: Shantel on October 12, 2013, 06:53:52 PM
WTF ??? Forgot the potatoes and water all evaporated out of the range top steamer, they are now charcoal briquettes! >:(
And I'm the one that can't cook. Were you doing something interesting to forget them?
Men.
Big strong new man seems to be all talk & no action. I just hate that.
D-Bag decides to run me over in gta v so I turned my PS3 off.....hoping I can escape the medical bill
Far too many things, but one of them is a warning sing at the entrance telling that they will cut electrical power from 23;00 to 07:00, I gave hone hour left to finish with everything, find my flashlight and recharge every phone or tomorrow I'll be phoneless.
Quote from: Shantel on October 12, 2013, 06:53:52 PM
WTF ??? Forgot the potatoes and water all evaporated out of the range top steamer, they are now charcoal briquettes! >:(
Lol good job Auntie Shan, :P
It's such a horrible thing for me not to have a biological male penis and to be sexually broken from the ground up. To add insult to injury, it's absolutely frustrated to actually feel like you can "somewhat" take care of yourself, but your unable to because kids are running and stomping around and yelling the entire time. To add even MORE insult, the main kids that are doing it came with my sister from church but the d-bag decided to go to a second service and leave these kids here with my mom to watch them, even though she isn't related to them so now I'm REALLY irritated and frustrated. I hate children and I hate interruptions from when I'm feeling aroused, something that happens SO rarely.
I guess the only thing for me to do is to wait for the arousal to die down (which should be quick since it barely started) and play more GTA V. I can never go wrong with robbing stores in that game....until I find myself boxed in but tons of law enforcement.
Quote from: Malachite on October 13, 2013, 07:10:59 PM
It's such a horrible thing for me not to have a biological male penis and to be sexually broken from the ground up. To add insult to injury, it's absolutely frustrated to actually feel like you can "somewhat" take care of yourself, but your unable to because kids are running and stomping around and yelling the entire time. To add even MORE insult, the main kids that are doing it came with my sister from church but the d-bag decided to go to a second service and leave these kids here with my mom to watch them, even though she isn't related to them so now I'm REALLY irritated and frustrated. I hate children and I hate interruptions from when I'm feeling aroused, something that happens SO rarely.
I guess the only thing for me to do is to wait for the arousal to die down (which should be quick since it barely started) and play more GTA V. I can never go wrong with robbing stores in that game....until I find myself boxed in but tons of law enforcement.
If I could trade bodies with you, I would. What I wouldn't give to have a vagina capable of bearing children.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 12, 2013, 07:03:37 PM
And I'm the one that can't cook. Were you doing something interesting to forget them?
I was responding to posts on Susan's, I guess it's all Susan's fault that I'm a lousy cook! ;D :D Ok sorry Susan! :icon_peace:
Quote from: Willow on October 13, 2013, 07:22:55 PM
If I could trade bodies with you, I would. What I wouldn't give to have a vagina capable of bearing children.
I would take that trade in an instant. I hate living in this body and I don'teven want kids.
Things have gone from bad to worse....one of the kids dropped of over here has ringworm....and they just left so I sprayed Lysol -shudders-
I freaking hate children.
Quote from: Malachite on October 13, 2013, 08:05:14 PMI would take that trade in an instant. I hate living in this body and I don'teven want kids.
Things have gone from bad to worse....one of the kids dropped of over here has ringworm....and they just left so I sprayed Lysol -shudders-
I freaking hate children.
I never told this to a transman I met, but when he asked to see my scars from my appendectomy I had about 6 weeks ago (I showed him thinking no harm done) he showed me the scars from his top surgery. It made me feel a bit down because I so would have taken his breasts. He also has a spot that cannot produce facial hair, and I told him I'd gladly have given him some shavings.
If only everything worked that way, where we could just trade bodies. Since the ratio of men to women is about 50/50, it'd only make senseif the ratio of FtM and MtF were aproxamately equal. It'd be so perfect.
But biology isn't too keen about detaching and reattaching brains in different bodies.
Quote from: Willow on October 13, 2013, 08:12:26 PM
I never told this to a transman I met, but when he asked to see my scars from my appendectomy I had about 6 weeks ago (I showed him thinking no harm done) he showed me the scars from his top surgery. It made me feel a bit down because I so would have taken his breasts. He also has a spot that cannot produce facial hair, and I told him I'd gladly have given him some shavings.
If only everything worked that way, where we could just trade bodies. Since the ratio of men to women is about 50/50, it'd only make senseif the ratio of FtM and MtF were aproxamately equal. It'd be so perfect.
But biology isn't too keen about detaching and reattaching brains in different bodies.
I wish it did work like that. :/ I'd gladly donate my uterus and breasts. Perhaps in a million years that would happen. Too bad I wouldn't be around to see it. I'd be shocked if the Earth made it that far then.
Quote from: Malachite on October 13, 2013, 08:22:06 PM
I'd be shocked if the Earth made it that far then.
10-4 I read that good buddy! ;D
Quote from: Malachite on October 13, 2013, 08:22:06 PM
I wish it did work like that. :/ I'd gladly donate my uterus and breasts. Perhaps in a million years that would happen. Too bad I wouldn't be around to see it. I'd be shocked if the Earth made it that far then.
The Earth will be around for about another five billion years, that's a fact (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_End_of_the_World_(Doctor_Who))...
according to Doctor Who!Amy
Quote from: Shantel on October 13, 2013, 08:31:57 PM
10-4 I read that good buddy! ;D
If anything I'd probably give it another thousand years, if it's lucky.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 13, 2013, 08:33:24 PM
The Earth will be around for about another five billion years, that's a fact (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_End_of_the_World_(Doctor_Who))... according to Doctor Who!
Amy
by who? Never heard of him. ;)
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 13, 2013, 08:33:24 PM
The Earth will be around for about another five billion years, that's a fact (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_End_of_the_World_(Doctor_Who))... according to Doctor Who!
Nonsense. The Vogons are on their way as we speak...
Managed to drop a full English breakfast on the floor
I have no family. It's over.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 14, 2013, 05:23:40 AMI have no family. It's over.
I'm So sorry it had to come down to that, Apple. I just want to hug you ask day to make you feel better.
Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 07:54:12 AM
I'm So sorry it had to come down to that, Apple. I just want to hug you ask day to make you feel better.
Not sure if it would help, Hon. Last time there were hugs involved... Her. Damn. She is the last thing I need on my mind today.
Did you get the bodygroom? Yesterday I tried a few passes on the back, and I don't thing you will need the elongator, but... Well, more bang for the buck.
I don't know how to dress for today's support group (les), and I am scared about feeling like a menace. Most of my clothing is dirty again or pending to iron, and my make up was not reusable after today's crying session. I just picked jeggins, a sleeveless top and after deciding that my shoulders are too big, a hoodie. :(
Not feeling pretty today.
I'm very worried about someone.
*big hug* (you know who you are!)
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 14, 2013, 10:37:16 AMNot sure if it would help, Hon. Last time there were hugs involved... Her. Damn. She is the last thing I need on my mind today.
Did you get the bodygroom? Yesterday I tried a few passes on the back, and I don't thing you will need the elongator, but... Well, more bang for the buck.
I don't know how to dress for today's support group (les), and I am scared about feeling like a menace. Most of my clothing is dirty again or pending to iron, and my make up was not reusable after today's crying session. I just picked jeggins, a sleeveless top and after deciding that my shoulders are too big, a hoodie. :(
Not feeling pretty today.
Sorry, I just though hugging would make someone feel better. I don't want to bring back bad memories :(
Not yet, I plan on getting maybe today, but definitely tomorrow. I was too lazy to leave my building. I never feel like doing anything on Sundays.
You'll be OK, sweetie. Something is going to change for the better and make your life just wonderful, it's something I can just feel.
Just try to smile and get through this. I know you can if you put your mind to it :)
Quote from: Just Princess of Oblique Muffin Tops with a Death Ray! on October 14, 2013, 10:45:10 AMI'm very worried about someone.
*big hug* (you know who you are!)
Regardless, everyone deserves big hugs :)
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 14, 2013, 05:23:40 AM
I have no family. It's over.
I feel for you, truly I do - I expect something similar from certain quarters of my own family. Is it possible though that there might be some supportive family member who can help act as a bridge between you and yours, a cousin, sibling, nephew or niece or even a mutual family friend who can help advocate for you and bring others around to at least a neutral if not fully supportive position?
I expect many in my family won't like it when I out myself but don't expect to be completely cut off by all. Having an ally, even a relatively neutral one might help bring me in "from the cold" and I hope that if the less accepting ones get the chance to see me as their daughter, sister, aunt then over time hopefully they will come around.
Strength and love.
Couldn't find my key this morning, so I borrowed one from the front desk to look for it, and I can't find it anywhere still, even after a thorough search of my room.
The worst part is that it costs $75 to replace it.
Oh, and who's idea was it to put a blood drive in the middle of the building? People should have been warned. When I stepped in, I almost had a panic attack, and had to walk facing the wall the whole time to prevent me from having one.
Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 03:27:08 PM
Couldn't find my key this morning, so I borrowed one from the front desk to look for it, and I can't find it anywhere still, even after a thorough search of my room.
The worst part is that it costs $75 to replace it.
Oh, and who's idea was it to put a blood drive in the middle of the building? People should have been warned. When I stepped in, I almost had a panic attack, and had to walk facing the wall the whole time to prevent me from having one.
Big hug.
Erm, okay, it's probably not THE smartest thing to do, but if you know that the key is lost somewhere safe (like in your own apartment, in the ocean, in a city one hour away.. you get the point), can you get a duplicate? I almost did it once, that key was a good $850 to replace though. Found it when I had pretty much given up.
------------
I'm so carsick. Had to go to the hospital this evening and I got so stressed out by the travelling. Bah. :(
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on October 14, 2013, 03:42:36 PMBig hug.
Erm, okay, it's probably not THE smartest thing to do, but if you know that the key is lost somewhere safe (like in your own apartment, in the ocean, in a city one hour away.. you get the point), can you get a duplicate? I almost did it once, that key was a good $850 to replace though. Found it when I had pretty much given up.
------------
I'm so carsick. Had to go to the hospital this evening and I got so stressed out by the travelling. Bah. :(
I've searched all over my room, and nada. I hope I didn't loose it on the bus or something. I have absolutely no clue. But I can't get a duplicate, in big letters, it says:
"PROPERTY OF MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY. DO NOT DUP." so I'm pretty much screwed. They have to change the locks if you loose it, copying is not an option. I really don't want to spend $75, I'd be so low on funds it's hard to imagine, considering I'm probably going to have to pay for my own hormones, because I'm pretty sure my insurance doesn't cover them.
Try dramamine? I've been told it works wonders. Personally, I have to face straight in the car. Doesn't have to be vertical though. ANd I can't read from a book, but a screen is just fine.
Had an awful argument with my so-called family all because I'm getting stressed about the approach of Xmas and I don't want a repeat of the trauma I experienced last year.
I don't care how embarrassed or angry they are about my transition: they said some horrific, inhuman things to me tonight that nobody should ever say to someone they supposedly love.
They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Add on top of that, a "friend" of mine who considers himself an "ally" refuses to listen to my requests to stop using the word "->-bleeped-<-."
EDIT:
Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 14, 2013, 04:33:49 PMHad an awful argument with my so-called family all because I'm getting stressed about the approach of Xmas and I don't want a repeat of the trauma I experienced last year.
I don't care how embarrassed or angry they are about my transition: they said some horrific, inhuman things to me tonight that nobody should ever say to someone they supposedly love.
They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
You poor, poor thing. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-hug002.gif&hash=b6ec9b5e4f4fae786f060fed743f06c9cd24bb21)
Logistically, thanksgiving with my family won't be possible. Christmas, however, I am expected to be in Florida with them. I'm nervous on what to do too.
Drunken mother wnated me to throw about 3 pairs of her shoes out. She claims they were busted up with holes in them but as a person who has voluntarily worn shoes with holes so bad in the they they leak through the rain, I could find none. She kept yelling at me to throw them out.
Unrelated but I realize when I do come out to my mother, she will probably drink even more. She will probably drink herself to death and there's not a dang thing I can do about that because she's stubborn and I can't tell her anything.
Quote from: Malachite on October 14, 2013, 06:41:47 PMUnrelated but I realize when I do come out to my mother, she will probably drink even more. She will probably drink herself to death and there's not a dang thing I can do about that because she's stubborn and I can't tell her anything.
I worry this about my dad. Worse, it could ruin his military career and retirement.
Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 06:45:17 PM
I worry this about my dad. Worse, it could ruin his military career and retirement.
-hugs-
Quote from: Malachite on October 14, 2013, 06:41:47 PM
I realize when I do come out to my mother, she will probably drink even more. She will probably drink herself to death and there's not a dang thing I can do about that because she's stubborn and I can't tell her anything.
Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 06:45:17 PM
I worry this about my dad. Worse, it could ruin his military career and retirement.
Just a quick... well... something I wanted to say to you two. Willow, in the short time you've been here, you've been an awesome source of support and putting yourself out there. And Mal, you already know I think you're awesome. What I wanted to say is that you two have the potential to grow into remarkable people. Willow, I think you have the capacity to blossom into the empathic, beautifully loving and caring woman you already are inside. And Malachite, I know for damn sure you have the strength of mind and deep down drive to become the considerate, thoughtful, attentive and all round great guy I already know you to be.
Please don't blame yourself for other people's actions, okay? There comes a time where people have to take responsibility for their own actions, and trying to lay that at your door is just... wrong. Everyone has a choice in what they do. All any of us can do is live our lives the best way we know how. Sure, being kind, considerate and mindful of others is all well and good... but just be yourselves, okay? That's all this world can ask of you. And if you do that, you embark on everything with an honesty which forms a basis for all the relationships you ever have.
You're both worth way too much to hide yourself away out of fear over what other people will do when they find out who you are.
*huggles*
Quote from: Sephirah on October 14, 2013, 06:58:19 PMJust a quick... well... something I wanted to say to you two. Willow, in the short time you've been here, you've been an awesome source of support and putting yourself out there. And Mal, you already know I think you're awesome. What I wanted to say is that you two have the potential to grow into remarkable people. Willow, I think you have the capacity to blossom into the empathic, beautifully loving and caring woman you already are inside. And Malachite, I know for damn sure you have the strength of mind and deep down drive to become the considerate, thoughtful, attentive and all round great guy I already know you to be.
Please don't blame yourself for other people's actions, okay? There comes a time where people have to take responsibility for their own actions, and trying to lay that at your door is just... wrong. Everyone has a choice in what they do. All any of us can do is live our lives the best way we know how. Sure, being kind, considerate and mindful of others is all well and good... but just be yourselves, okay? That's all this world can ask of you. And if you do that, you embark on everything with an honesty which forms a basis for all the relationships you ever have.
You're both worth way too much to hide yourself away out of fear over what other people will do when they find out who you are.
*huggles*
I really think it could be a problem, though. He's been living with my family for less than 25% of the time in the last 9 years. I feel that he will feel hat he has not raised me properly as a man, pass from borderline alcoholic to depressive alcoholic, and get himself thrown out.
And just my luck, I just found out that my insurance only covers GID if you're born intersexed. Crud.
Quote from: Willow on October 14, 2013, 07:06:13 PM
I really think it could be a problem, though. He's been living with my family for less than 25% of the time in the last 9 years. I feel that he will feel hat he has not raised me properly as a man, pass from borderline alcoholic to depressive alcoholic, and get himself thrown out.
This may be hard to hear, hon, but that isn't your burden to bear. You don't owe your life to anyone. You don't have to live your life a certain way just so someone else feels they've done the right thing. If it isn't you, it isn't you. It's no one's fault. You are who you are.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 14, 2013, 07:24:09 PMThis may be hard to hear, hon, but that isn't your burden to bear. You don't owe your life to anyone. You don't have to live your life a certain way just so someone else feels they've done the right thing. If it isn't you, it isn't you. It's no one's fault. You are who you are.
It's just tough. As nasty as my parents can get, I still care for them. I don't want my dad thrown out of the military and have mom initiate a divorce and then have my younger sister in limbo. Her I care about the most. I don't want her to be hurt by me. I've already done that enough to her.
Just got done having a very bad panic attack and now my lungs hurt from struggling to breathe and I am in a daze. And I'm hungry, but the boys didn't bring me back food. >>
Bought a faulty game in a store, going to return it tomorrow and of course, our landlord and our landlady are just awful, childish people. I'm sick of them.
I know i suck, because this is nothing to be unhappy about.
Having a scratchy sore throat and a mild dry cough :/
Nothing like getting yelled at in the morning to start your day off great!
I have nearly finished with the introductory stage of Vocal Coach - Complete breathing, but I am too anxious to go with the next exercises. I am already close to shouting "this is impossible".
I know, I said that the first time I tried eyeliner, but I simply swapped to an easier to apply product. With this there are no shortcuts, and here is were my GID frustration always reach maximum levels.
More bills to pay. Ugh, this is stressful.
And I overslept, missing my appointment. I'm going have to call and reschedule, probably paying a fee for that too,.
I hate money.
Quote from: Willow on October 15, 2013, 12:47:01 PM
More bills to pay. Ugh, this is stressful.
And I overslept, missing my appointment. I'm going have to call and reschedule, probably paying a fee for that too,.
I hate money.
I finally came to the conclusion that I'll never have any money of my own and that I am just a manager of other peoples money for some and am viewed by others as their personal ATM machine. It's just a medium of exchange anyway, so once I understood that I felt quite liberated.
My mom. She misunderstands me constantly.
Quote from: Shantel on October 15, 2013, 12:52:34 PMI finally came to the conclusion that I'll never have any money of my own and that I am just a manager of other peoples money for some and am viewed by others as their personal ATM machine. It's just a medium of exchange anyway, so once I understood that I felt quite liberated.
Transition isn't going to pay for itself. That's my biggest issue. Under my current insurance, since I'm not intersexed, nothing at all is covered, and switching plans would involve coming out to my parents so they could discontinue it to get me on a new plan. I don't think I'm ready for that.
Quote from: Pickles on October 15, 2013, 12:54:05 PMMy mom. She misunderstands me constantly.
Very few parents, especially parents of transgenders, fully understand their children (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-hug002.gif&hash=b6ec9b5e4f4fae786f060fed743f06c9cd24bb21)
I don't understand why people feel there is a need to raise their voice in a confrontation. What does it actually accomplish? Nothing.
This is my first year of college, and this is the longest I've been away from my family. Miami is so different from any other place I've lived, it honestly feels like a foreign country. I miss my family, I miss my pets, I miss my friends from home. I love Miami, I love how big and multi cultural it is. I think it's fun that for the past two days the only time I've spoken English is talking on the phone with my parents and in class. I think it's fun to get to use my French talking to the huge Hatian comminuty, and using my Spanish otherwise, but having to put effort just into being understood is tiring.
Abby, I think we're twins. I speak Spanish and French as well, and prefer them to English.
Quote from: Willow on October 15, 2013, 07:09:47 PM
Abby, I think we're twins. I speak Spanish and French as well, and prefer them to English.
Nice! I prefer English, but you get better service/responses here if you just use Spanish or French (it's close enough to creole)
I speak German conversationally as well, but my French and Spanish are best, my French is good enough I pass in France.
Been up for 25 hours and 13 min and counting and can't go to sleep because I am not tired and I have an appointment in the arvo and if I sleep now I won't wake up in time.
Quote from: Abby on October 15, 2013, 07:14:41 PMNice! I prefer English, but you get better service/responses here if you just use Spanish or French (it's close enough to creole)
I speak German conversationally as well, but my French and Spanish are best, my French is good enough I pass in France.
I learned my French in Belgium. I was 6 when I moved there and lived for 2 years.
To go with the topic of the thread, to add to my bad day, an MtF "friend" still thinks I'm not serious about transitioning and should stay a male "disgusting fetishist"
Quote from: Willow on October 15, 2013, 09:58:10 PM
I learned my French in Belgium. I was 6 when I moved there and lived for 2 years.
To go with the topic of the thread, to add to my bad day, an MtF "friend" still thinks I'm not serious about transitioning and should stay a male "disgusting fetishist"
Find another friend, sweetie. One who actually knows you.
*hugs* I'm sorry you had to be subjected to that, from anyone.
Quote from: Willow on October 15, 2013, 09:58:10 PM
I learned my French in Belgium. I was 6 when I moved there and lived for 2 years.
To go with the topic of the thread, to add to my bad day, an MtF "friend" still thinks I'm not serious about transitioning and should stay a male "disgusting fetishist"
I'm so so glad you put all of that in quotation marks. You deserve better. *force hugs*
-----
I have an ongoing battle with my own body and it's wearing me out so bad. Got an appointment@the doctor next Tuesday but lord knows how I'll survive until then. :( Breakdowns for the simplest of things. Me no like.
Quote from: Willow on October 15, 2013, 09:58:10 PM
I learned my French in Belgium. I was 6 when I moved there and lived for 2 years.
Funny :) I live there!
I'm too nice/caring for my own good sometimes and feel like I let people walk all over me. :-\
Amy
I paid extra in tuition to take a more comprehensive extended length math class. Except the professor typically arrives late, then starts lecturing twenty or thirty minutes later, then dismisses class thirty minutes early, all while doing a crap job teaching. This is not ok
Some red pesto I was planning on using had turned into a science project
Quote from: Abby on October 16, 2013, 11:13:57 AM
I paid extra in tuition to take a more comprehensive extended length math class. Except the professor typically arrives late, then starts lecturing twenty or thirty minutes later, then dismisses class thirty minutes early, all while doing a crap job teaching. This is not ok
Makes me feel better about my own teaching, lol.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 16, 2013, 11:07:16 AM
I'm too nice/caring for my own good sometimes and feel like I let people walk all over me. :-\
Me too. :(
Apparently, without consulting me, my dad has decided that I am going to be a chemistry major.
*HUGS* all around!
Amy
Toothache. Several days running.
Quote from: FA on October 16, 2013, 04:50:08 PM
Toothache. Several days running.
Ouch!
*HUGS* since you came in after I gave mine all away.
Amy
Some teenage blokes I caught cutting down some of our forest's trees have kept at it. Their path of destruction amounts to about fifteen beech saplings, an old pine with a nice ring cut into it, and a dead tree right over a path that they didn't actually manage to put down, so it's just leaning from the cut-off base up to a few other trees. I'm waiting for it to fall on someone.
*Sigh* This should really belong in a rage thread, but I've found I haven't been able to get particularly angry about it after the first moment of discovery. My emotions range, in this, to mildly vexed and quite sad. It's a very rude thing to do.
Realizing that I paid for an official transcript that I cannot open.
I would use a more vulgar comparison to how I feel but I don't want to offend any one so I won't use it.
I'm just very irritated.
I'll loan you my low mean growl.
Awkward moment, one of the guys next door (The rooms here are two rooms for two people each connected with a bathroom) walked in on me, I got up to close the door on him, ran out, and now he's all pissy because I didn't flush the toilet and I'm crying because he yelled at me for it.
I thought this week was supposed to be getting better.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 16, 2013, 07:23:52 PM
I'll loan you my low mean growl.
I wish I had the vocal cords for it. :/
Woke up out of a nightmare only to find that my period came on....lovely.
As I was driving to work this morning, a hearse passed me on the motorway. In the back was a coffin draped in our country's flag. That can mean only one thing.
I bowed my head and thanked the unfortunate occupant for their service.
Quote from: Willow on October 16, 2013, 10:24:46 PM
Awkward moment, one of the guys next door (The rooms here are two rooms for two people each connected with a bathroom) walked in on me, I got up to close the door on him, ran out, and now he's all pissy because I didn't flush the toilet and I'm crying because he yelled at me for it.
I thought this week was supposed to be getting better.
Willow, is there no lock on the other door to ensure your privacy when you are occupying the bathroom?
Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 17, 2013, 04:15:41 AM
As I was driving to work this morning, a hearse passed me on the motorway. In the back was a coffin draped in our country's flag. That can mean only one thing.
I bowed my head and thanked the unfortunate occupant for their service.
I join you.
mother came home early from work and brought a lot of junk.... -sigh- I wish she were still at work. I like my me time.
Thinking about GRS. That should not be on my mind at this stage, and I don't want to get anxious thinking about saving. It will still be at least three years, but I'm worried.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 18, 2013, 02:42:15 AM
Thinking about GRS. That should not be on my mind at this stage, and I don't want to get anxious thinking about saving. It will still be at least three years, but I'm worried.
This is how I am feeling at the moment aswell.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fpuu.sh%2F4SZ0l.jpg&hash=cd2c48644a041a1a5e610033b13ba9fa1af00669)
.... this is outside my window, 2 minutes ago. SNOW. GO AWAY. :(
At least it is better than here and around Sydney yesterday
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DH.4940003865985111%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=dccf703ddc8bea718333c150a611bef4753b2963)
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on October 18, 2013, 04:59:09 AM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fpuu.sh%2F4SZ0l.jpg&hash=cd2c48644a041a1a5e610033b13ba9fa1af00669)
.... this is outside my window, 2 minutes ago. SNOW. GO AWAY. :(
Do want. It's been more than ten years since the last time I saw snow falling and sticking for some days. It hasn't fallen here in four years.
24º degrees and sunny. Possibly will go up to 28º again.
It has been freezing cold here but no real snowfall yet 8) I know the snow is coming soon though but I'm not looking forward to it :P
Quote from: Shantel on October 17, 2013, 08:33:08 AMWillow, is there no lock on the other door to ensure your privacy when you are occupying the bathroom?
Not on the inside of the bathroom. It's super annoying
I'm either going to look into apartment style housing (2 bedrooms one for each person and one bathroom and a living area) or somewhere with communal bathrooms.
Unhappy because I have to be up at this ungodly hour to go to an appointment.
Second day of my period today....looking foward to that today -_-
I was dreaming that everything was ok and everything was normal again. Then I woke up and I remembered things are different now and it felt like a stab in the chest. It hurt so much.
I got IOS 7 today, it's soooo white! Why?!
Quote from: Xhianil on October 18, 2013, 09:44:51 PMI got IOS 7 today, it's soooo white! Why?!
An attempt for Apple to gain superiority *nod*
Quote from: Xhianil on October 18, 2013, 09:44:51 PM
I got IOS 7 today, it's soooo white! Why?!
White is the new off-white.
It might be the denial stage talking but my mom wants me to start using a male hormone booster cream. She thinks that's one of the reasons I feel the way I do and nothing I could say would sway her away from it. I did agree that my hormones were out a whack, i have testosterone instead of estrogen flowing through my body. Even mentioning that a endocrinologist is the only one who is qualified to administer hormones because they do blood work to determine what's right or not made no difference.
I feel like I've been sucker punched in the gut right now. There's no way I'll ever use that cream!
I should have tried on all my new dresses, skirts & pants that I bought from Goodwill today. I always purchase something that does not fit just right!!!
Their dressing rooms seem so cold & other women are sometimes waiting so I just purchase lots & try on at home.
I need to slow down & make sure each item fits me well.
Quote from: Megan on October 18, 2013, 11:43:26 PM
It might be the denial stage talking but my mom wants me to start using a male hormone booster cream. She thinks that's one of the reasons I feel the way I do and nothing I could say would sway her away from it. I did agree that my hormones were out a whack, i have testosterone instead of estrogen flowing through my body. Even mentioning that a endocrinologist is the only one who is qualified to administer hormones because they do blood work to determine what's right or not made no difference.
I feel like I've been sucker punched in the gut right now. There's no way I'll ever use that cream!
Fake it, she'll feel much better! :D ;D :laugh:
Quote from: Shantel on October 19, 2013, 07:57:07 AM
Fake it, she'll feel much better! :D ;D :laugh:
Haha, that's the plan I decided to go with. I feel bad lying to her but there's just no way I can use that stuff. The very last thing I want in my life is more testosterone. I just hope that she won't demand to see me apply it to my skin during our weekly family night get together.
So depressed. I just returned from shopping at my local Goodwill store & found some nice things.
However so many beautiful women, long hair, nice hips, nice breasts, smooth completion & with their daughters that had such beautiful bodies.
I need so much estrogen for years to ever have a chance to look that nice.
But I'm trying, that all I can do.
Francis
Got soaking wet in a rainstorm and broke the loop of my Crucifix when it got caught in the wet top I was taking off.I can get it fixed but it's an expense I could well have done without.
Still sore for playing soccer for several hours yesterday afternoon, and the sedative medicine given to me to reduce anxiety for the upcoming bloodwork made me really sleepy, I'm sleeping all day, and it's hard to stay upright.
Recovering from lipo, my ribs hurt and back and sides go from black to deep purple, blue, green orange and yellow, I'm turning into an Easter Egg! ;D
You have to suffer to look good,get well quick it'll be worth it
Hair, again. After two failed permanent chemical straightening, I gave up and went back to straightening my hair every 3 days. The problem is that every time it lasts less (the minimum movement brings back the curls), but if that was not enough, the iron tends to stop gliding over the hair and pulls it away. So every three days my sink is full of broken hair (it snaps when ironing), not mention the hair in the shower's trap. I'm wondering if my hair will ever grow if it keeps snapping like this, and if won't go bald at the current breakage rate.
If I'm going to iron my hair so frequently, it's better if I buy a decent iron... I was going to buy a professional one by Christmas, but I make take out a bit of money and gift it myself for my birthday in November.
But wow, 170€... It's a good inversion since hair is that important for me...
Mother watching some kids....I hate it because I can't get any sleep
After this latest medical disaster, trans surgeries will end up put off for a few years. I'm seriously trying not to get too depressed about it. It looks like I will have to sell my home and live with my mother for a while just to stay out of the cold. Trust me, this is not a good thing. I love my mother but we do not get along for long.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 19, 2013, 08:22:04 PM
After this latest medical disaster, trans surgeries will end up put off for a few years. I'm seriously trying not to get too depressed about it. It looks like I will have to sell my home and live with my mother for a while just to stay out of the cold. Trust me, this is not a good thing. I love my mother but we do not get along for long.
Look at the plus side, at least you'll have a house, at least you see surgery happening in a few years.
Quote from: Xhianil on October 20, 2013, 01:01:12 AM
Look at the plus side, at least you'll have a house, at least you see surgery happening in a few years.
The point is, I won't have a house and I can't get the surgeries in a few years, if ever. 2 years and MAYBE they will be able to put me back together again.
My nephew slipped and fell over and cut his head open. Nice way to end his fourth birthday, a trip to the hospital. :(
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on October 20, 2013, 06:04:36 AM
My nephew slipped and fell over and cut his head open. Nice way to end his fourth birthday, a trip to the hospital. :(
Poor kid, growing pains!
Tomorrow is the Weekly support group, and I feel like a dog waiting for its dish to be filled. Which is a good indicator of how alone I feel...
At the same time I'm thinking that no person with a sane mind would want to leave in the same place I am, seeing how messy I am. Although maybe I am messy because I live alone and I don't expect anibody to see the place...
I had a bad dream.
I feel like I have too much to do in a short amount of time.
I feel like I'm running after people again. Is it too much to ask that the people who claim to be my friends say "hi" to me once in a while?
I'm still excited about having started T and want to talk about it, but I feel like I can't say anything because the people on here will either be upset because not everyone can start T or bored because it's all been said before and my friends don't have any interest in my transition.
There are other things I want to talk about that no one is interested in and, if they do, they'll just use it to hurt me and I won't be able to fight back. Again.
I don't belong and I am alone. I am still weak enough to let this bother me.
Looking at all of my male clothing still mixed with the female. It's like a bad reminder that it would be so easy to break and detransition. I really want to destroy everything, and save only a few items to put in a safe box for a "bad emergency".
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 20, 2013, 10:00:00 AM
Looking at all of my male clothing still mixed with the female. It's like a bad reminder that it would be so easy to break and detransition. I really want to destroy everything, and save only a few items to put in a safe box for a "bad emergency".
I remember the day when I pulled all the men's suits, sports jackets, belts, slacks, ties and most of the shirts and dress shoes and hauled them off to Goodwill, it was exhilaratingly liberating! I did retain a few hawaiian type summer shirts and traded men's regular cut jeans for skinny jeans rather than women's because I need the pocket space for keys and wallet. You probably need to purge out the men's stuff hon!
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 10:32:31 AM
I remember the day when I pulled all the men's suits, sports jackets, belts, slacks, ties and most of the shirts and dress shoes and hauled them off to Goodwill, it was exhilaratingly liberating! I did retain a few hawaiian type summer shirts and traded men's regular cut jeans for skinny jeans rather than women's because I need the pocket space for keys and wallet. You probably need to purge out the men's stuff hon!
I'm on it. There is also a lot of girl's stuff that it's either too small or too big, from the time I was buying on the net before learning my sizes. Now, If there was one of those clothes deposits close to where I live...
BTW, I feel like a forking disgrace in what comes to living alone. I've become a master at procrastinating, I leave clothes everywhere and barely can find things between the piles of paperwork. I've waited to take care on the clothing that required handwashing until it was completely necessary. I try to tell me that If I wish for somebody to live with me some day, I need to change a lot of things with my way of living...
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 20, 2013, 10:44:59 AM
BTW, I feel like a forking disgrace in what comes to living alone. I've become a master at procrastinating, I leave clothes everywhere and barely can find things between the piles of paperwork. I've waited to take care on the clothing that required handwashing until it was completely necessary. I try to tell me that If I wish for somebody to live with me some day, I need to change a lot of things with my way of living...
Just a habit you can break by telling yourself that you have more respect for who you are becoming and then start treating your clothes as a reflection of that person rather than the former male slob that you are leaving behind.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 20, 2013, 10:44:59 AMBTW, I feel like a forking disgrace in what comes to living alone. I've become a master at procrastinating, I leave clothes everywhere and barely can find things between the piles of paperwork. I've waited to take care on the clothing that required handwashing until it was completely necessary. I try to tell me that If I wish for somebody to live with me some day, I need to change a lot of things with my way of living...
Hon, I live with a roommate, and I have piles of clothes and papers everywhere. It was like that living at home too. It's not just you, although having someone to remind you would be nice.
Quote from: Willow on October 20, 2013, 11:04:55 AM
Hon, I live with a roommate, and I have piles of clothes and papers everywhere. It was like that living at home too. It's not just you, although having someone to remind you would be nice.
You just have to get used to using hangers rather than throwing them on the floor. Once you get the mess bulldozed up you'll enjoy your space all the more and may want to keep it neat and tidy.
Gawd I already raised my own kids, wtf!
I am a freak. A subhuman freak that no one could ever like. A weakling that is so stupid, it feels loneliness even though that is f-ing WEAK. No one is there. No one will ever be there. Someone like me shouldn't want someone to be there.
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 11:10:05 AM
Gawd I already raised my own kids, wtf!
And if they're anything like you, you should be very proud, hon.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 20, 2013, 11:17:37 AM
And if they're anything like you, you should be very proud, hon.
You're so sweet, but mistaken! ;D Virago here with short fuse for BS, so you kids shape up or else! :D ;D :laugh:
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 11:02:08 AM
Just a habit you can break by telling yourself that you have more respect for who you are becoming and then start treating your clothes as a reflection of that person rather than the former male slob that you are leaving behind.
When I arrived here as male, I was a net freak. I suppose my mother's influence started fading. Depression doen't help a lot with moving faster.
Oh, and I don't want to talk about the "hard things". I really need to move the bed and retrieve al sort of things I can't get with a 40 cm ruler, But that means dismantling the three different elements it seems to be made of... And I don't want to even thing about installing that liquid cooling system for the computer that has been delayed for more than a year...
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 11:09:12 AM
You just have to get used to using hangers rather than throwing them on the floor. Once you get the mess bulldozed up you'll enjoy your space all the more and may want to keep it neat and tidy.
I have clotheshanger in nearly every door handle. The cause is that I always ssay (I want the clothes to air a bit before putting them in the wardrobe), but then forget about them until I can't walk without stepping on something pointy
Seriously, Do you know that I even have a vibrator the previous owner left? I don't know to which recycling container even goes since it mixes ruber with electronic parts. And I don't plan on chopping a rubber dick, then I'd start thinking about GRS again. It's kind of the closest thing I have to a roommate here. And I don't plan on talking to the styrofoam head where I hang the hair extension...
Well, At least I've managed to find a way for organising the hairpins, hair rubber bands and piercings without having to lose them...
I feel like crap. I shouldn't have drank so much yesterday.
Quote from: Edge on October 20, 2013, 11:15:44 AM
I am a freak. A subhuman freak that no one could ever like. A weakling that is so stupid, it feels loneliness even though that is f-ing WEAK. No one is there. No one will ever be there. Someone like me shouldn't want someone to be there.
You're making me unhappy with your needless flagellation. You rock. Period.
More alterations and false accusations made by the guys next door. I think I'm really going to move out this week to somewhere better.
Finally done with my National Guard weekend. Yesterday I passed everything in my fitness test except for te run wich I missed by 9 seconds.......9 freaking seconds! Okay, fair enough until I find out that someone else missed it by a whole minute and his grader fudged his score so he could pass.
To add insult to injury, today we got weighed and body fat percentages taken because the standard changed. According to the Army now I'm fat..... So even if I did pass my fitness test it doesn't matter I'm red flagged from any promotions or benifits until I maintain the standard. I've never been overweight, never a large person, I'm 6'2" and 215lbs and I fit a size 35" waistline. But now I'm fat..... I drove home crying the whole hour......
Quote from: Jasriella on October 20, 2013, 04:45:40 PM
So even if I did pass my fitness test it doesn't matter I'm red flagged from any promotions or benifits until I maintain the standard. I've never been overweight, never a large person, I'm 6'2" and 215lbs and I fit a size 35" waistline. But now I'm fat..... I drove home crying the whole hour......
That sounds really bogus, how could you be fat beyond maybe a little spare tire?
My baby brother said he was having an upper stomach ache, turns out he has liver cancer and 3/4 is shot according to biopsy plus a spot on his lung. He's starting chemotherapy and has a positive attitude though. I cried for him, dear God it isn't fair, it should have been me instead.
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 05:25:08 PM
My baby brother said he was having an upper stomach ache, turns out he has liver cancer and 3/4 is shot according to biopsy plus a spot on his lung. He's starting chemotherapy and has a positive attitude though. I cried for him, dear God it isn't fair, it should have been me instead.
-Hugs-
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 05:25:08 PM
My baby brother said he was having an upper stomach ache, turns out he has liver cancer and 3/4 is shot according to biopsy plus a spot on his lung. He's starting chemotherapy and has a positive attitude though. I cried for him, dear God it isn't fair, it should have been me instead.
Sorry. :embarrassed:
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 05:25:08 PM
My baby brother said he was having an upper stomach ache, turns out he has liver cancer and 3/4 is shot according to biopsy plus a spot on his lung. He's starting chemotherapy and has a positive attitude though. I cried for him, dear God it isn't fair, it should have been me instead.
Sorry to hear about that Shantel
Hugs
Thanks everyone, love you all! His years of drinking and smoking didn't do him any good, he's been sober and smoke free for ten years but he must have triggered the problem earlier with all those toxins and carcinogens he was taking in. Too bad we're all so self destructive, oh well guess it's the circle of life!
Had a great chat with a girl living in my area in a lesbian chat... In a moment she slipped into wanting to meet me and maybe go for drinks, but one second later she went into total "Sorry. I don't know why I'm saying this. What an idiot I am".
I feel really bad for her. She had broken up recently, and same as me, she still hasn't been able to break it constantly. After that I told her that I was trans... I felt like a big damn liar. She did not took it bad, but well, the feeling was broken since she half proposed and went back in less than ten second. I still told her to cheer up, and we could met at the LGBT association if she came one day.
"It's fairly easy to recognise me... I'm the one who always wears a scarf on the neck". Then she was laughing... "Damn Adam's apple", she said.
Mfff. It's my usual problem. I am more attracted to girls, but being pre-op breaks it for me, and I don't want to be dateless until I fully transition, which will take me years.
Shantel I'm so sorry
Quote from: big kim on October 20, 2013, 06:30:17 PM
Shantel I'm so sorry
Thanks, I'm not writing him off yet!
Sorry to hear about your brother Shantel.
No my mom believes that I was Megan in a past life and that's the reason why I want to transition. To bad I don't have any past life memories.... I just have to keep telling myself that they are in the denial phase. Now I'm so bummed out.
Quote from: Shantel on October 20, 2013, 08:58:54 AM
Poor kid, growing pains!
Apparently the gash/cut was so deep that the doctors could peel the skin back and see his skull, they cleaned it up and put one of the those patches that glues wounds shut on it and my brother was told to leave it on for 10 days, he can put more on but not take any off.
He was all smiles for his needles today, but still rough weekend for him.
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on October 20, 2013, 06:04:36 AM
My nephew slipped and fell over and cut his head open. Nice way to end his fourth birthday, a trip to the hospital. :(
Ouch!!! I hope the kid's okay :-\
*hugs Shantel* I'm sorry to hear that. I hope I go before my younger brother does because I couldn't deal with it.
I was on the train and saw my reflection in the mirror, and I saw a woman's face (and upper body). And without skipping a beat, my mind said "I hate you" to my reflection. That said, those moments are much less frequent now...
Quote from: caleb. on October 21, 2013, 08:11:54 AM
*hugs Shantel* I'm sorry to hear that. I hope I go before my younger brother does because I couldn't deal with it.
Thanks Caleb! That would seem like the normal progression of things. My brother was always getting beat up by older kids when we were young, I was the older brother who would hunt them down and pound the crap out of them, it was my job to protect him he was little and it was satisfying to even the score. Now I have such a helpless feeling because I can't fix it for him.
@ Thanks Megan and all the rest of you sweethearts!
Quote from: caleb. on October 21, 2013, 08:11:54 AM
I was on the train and saw my reflection in the mirror, and I saw a woman's face (and upper body). And without skipping a beat, my mind said "I hate you" to my reflection. That said, those moments are much less frequent now...
Caleb, cut yourself some slack guy, you're just imagining the old self when your eyes click on a certain feature, it will dissipate over several years and hopefully you shouldn't keep on doing that.
Registered at Badoo, which is more or less Spain's dumpster for loser trying to score quick sex and sluts. But Dear God, They look like a collection of circus freaks! Is it too bad that my criteria for men includes wearing a decent blazer, having a good haircut and not looking like a Cristiano Ronald lookalike overtanned and completely drunk?
unprofessional driving instructor
Men are Forking Pathethic. And the national product fares even worse.
Yeah, I've been asked again where I want to have Mr Oscar Mayer, and Before blocking I sent a nice "Mine's Bigger". Yeah. Fork Stealth. When I'm pissed off I still take pride on Mr Proper.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 21, 2013, 10:20:33 AM
Men are Forking Pathethic. And the national product fares even worse.
Yeah, I've been asked again where I want to have Mr Oscar Mayer, and Before blocking I sent a nice "Mine's Bigger". Yeah. Fork Stealth. When I'm pissed off I still take pride on Mr Proper.
You've gotta quit torturing yourself by going there Apple, you know how they are and how badly they misbehave!
Yeah. Maybe it's time to start appreciating that the only good love I will ever find it's the one that comes from my right hand. If that ever worked right now.
I'm going to the Girls (les) Group... :( You truly start appreciating people with no testorerone...
Ironing,it's given me sciatica to go with my celulitis.
30 minutes waiting in front of a door with a "Coming back soon" note. Until my back gave up and I went back home. They weren't even in the pub. And I don't if I am having my first migraine or it's just the South Wind.
A Sh*tty Day indeed.
Anybody has read in international press or news about Ines del Rio possible release?
24 people kill count in the 80's, terrorist bomber during the bloodiest part of our recent story. Supposedly condemned to 2200 years (which here the prison limit is 3x years), but they found a workaround to increase the penal stays.
It's a bad time for watching any news. Here are too many people who never forget, never forgot) and obsessed with suffering till death. I prefer to stay neutral in all of these things, but I have wished we had death penalty for mass murderer a.
My DBZ Best Fights DVD is scratched up so bad it's unreadable on my PS2 which sucks because I paid $40 for that and DBZ Budokai Tenkaichi 3
I'm getting behind in my school work again..
My brother, who is the sole breadwinner for his family of four, has just lost his job. He's only had about 4 jobs in his entire adult life and has worked for the same company for more than a decade, so it's a big shock for him to be back on the market.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 23, 2013, 11:08:56 AM
My brother, who is the sole breadwinner for his family of four, has just lost his job. He's only had about 4 jobs in his entire adult life and has worked for the same company for more than a decade, so it's a big shock for him to be back on the market.
It's sad and an international travesty of the times. Hopefully he can think outside of the box enough to be able to re-invent himself elsewhere and in possibly a different profession.
Quote from: Shantel on October 23, 2013, 11:25:56 AM
It's sad and an international travesty of the times. Hopefully he can think outside of the box enough to be able to re-invent himself elsewhere and in possibly a different profession.
Thanks Auntie Shan - I hope so too. The real kicker? He's given them more than a decade of his life, and they've kicked him out the door with no notice period. He has to go back tomorrow to pick up his personal stuff in a box from Reception. It's not like he's done anything wrong; he's simply been retrenched. :(
I'm sorry to hear about your brother, FTM. I wish him the best of luck finding a new job ASAP.
Amy
What made me unhappy today is the fact that I had to hurt one of the people who I care about most in the world in order to preserve my future happiness. :icon_cry2:
Amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 23, 2013, 11:39:51 AM
What made me unhappy today is the fact that I had to hurt one of the people who I care about most in the world in order to preserve my future happiness. :icon_cry2:
Amy
I know baby (((Hugs)))
Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 23, 2013, 11:32:22 AM
Thanks Auntie Shan - I hope so too. The real kicker? He's given them more than a decade of his life, and they've kicked him out the door with no notice period. He has to go back tomorrow to pick up his personal stuff in a box from Reception. It's not like he's done anything wrong; he's simply been retrenched. :(
I'm sorry to hear that. Was he a member of a union or anything? Can he get legal advice with Citizens Advice? That's a real rubbish position to be in. I hope he finds something.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 23, 2013, 11:39:51 AM
What made me unhappy today is the fact that I had to hurt one of the people who I care about most in the world in order to preserve my future happiness. :icon_cry2:
You have to do what you have to do Amy. We're all behind you.
I read one of my delusional "Sara" posts just a few minutes ago. I'm trying to forget those few months and the entirety of May too, which was just about the worst month of the year, even though for much of it i felt better than now. It's rather personal.
Reminder to myself:
Stay away from your old posts if you don't want to feel ->-bleeped-<-ty
Another thing, which i have discussed with my therapist is that my meds dull out most emotions for me. Old me would really have wanted a relationship and once he made the first step, been motivated to get into a relationship, but now i am just antisocial in a nonviolent way, although old me (aka pre 2012 me) sometimes comes through instead of angry, broken, bitter cynical me.
The Walmart video game section of the Black Friday ads isn't out yet. :/
One of my enemies has joined a group I am (was now) a part of.
I caught a cold. Urrghh.....
We're learning massage techniques today in class which means testing it out on eachother and when I approached the teacher about not participating because the mere idea makes me feel sick, she seemed very unwilling and said I should try it at least and that I couldn't learn without experiencing... So yay spending the day with strange people's hands all over my body fighting anxiety
I have a feeling that my brother won't do the dishes so I;ll have to do them.....-sigh-
I'm a wreck. All this terrible things compounded by terrible thoughts about them are eclipsing what little good there remains.
My Dad's still on a bender.He couldn't open the bathroom door so he kicked it in
Quote from: big kim on October 24, 2013, 07:09:08 AM
My Dad's still on a bender.He couldn't open the bathroom door so he kicked it in
So sorry Big Kim! ((hugs))
My mom got off of work early..... *sigh*
Thanks Shantel,there's not much my sister or me can do,he has to do this his self
So, Walmart juat has. Have some grey sweatpants for like 5 bucks, right? Of course not, they're 16 friggn dollars. The ladies colourful ones, which is prefer, but can't because I'm too masculine in appearance, are still freaking 12 bucks.
My soon to be ex-wife.
Watched the wedding proposal on Glee.
Realized that I want what she got... and may never get it.
effing... realizing now (not for the first time) that I've never even gotten so much as a :icon_flower:
Sometimes I just feel like I've missed out on so very much.
In the process of realizing, again, how insensitive my mother is. *Sigh* This will have to be made better...
Lost my GBA so I can't play Moogoo Monkey
Dealing with suicidal thoughts while also trying not to throw up and trying not to black out because of my migraine all while having to go on the same as every other day.
A friend of mine spends all this time telling me about her period and sex and all these other things that I'm excluded from, even though she says it to me like "Guess what girlfriend" it still leaves me feeling left out.
Umm, yeah, it would be nice if my roommate kept the door unlocked while he's in the room so I could get in.
Time to find a comfy chair to not sleep in.
Just been asked if I am a transvenstite on a dating site.
I removed the insults from my last reply, but it sounded like
"I'm a woman. Go to another place to insult people".
I keep calling myself "An ugly, humongous ->-bleeped-<-", but I don't take it well from strangers.
I'm in a really bad mood now. I was not prepared for this. I just want my face to change it and in a year book my FFS.
Yesterday was super dysphoric for me. I was lying on my wife's bed while my girls were getting ready for sleep. I was really sleepy and tired (an 8pm double coffee helped with that :p)... and all I could think about was my torso. I'm getting a bit skinny (for me) and, especially while lying supine, my belly goes in and shows my rib cage well... it just seemed really, really big. Then I was thinking about my breasts (lack of) and how, if they were big enough, the big rib cage would make them look bigger, and that would be OK.
I just want some breasts... and it feels weird to want them and not have them (or even be growing them, yet).
This resonated with me, too:
Quote from: Makalii on October 25, 2013, 11:28:34 PM
A friend of mine spends all this time telling me about her period and sex and all these other things that I'm excluded from, even though she says it to me like "Guess what girlfriend" it still leaves me feeling left out.
This sort of thing gets to me. They hate it - I doubt many woman would understand why I wish I could have it (even if it was *just* the period, however that'd work, I'd still take it)! I've always, always wanted to have the period - it just makes me feel like I'd be validated.
Started with a bad cough. Then a clogged up nose. Then it reached my sinuses. And now I make a funny rasping sound when I breathe and my lungs hurt so bad. *groan*
Sorry to hear you've come down sick Kittens :icon_bunch: Hope it doesn't last long and you get well soon
Hugs
A Little Ceasar's deep dish pizza won't magically appear in my lap. *sigh*
Quote from: Malachite on October 26, 2013, 08:15:23 AM
A Little Ceasar's deep dish pizza won't magically appear in my lap. *sigh*
A Little Caesar's deep dish pizza won't magically have no calories :-X
There were nly gays around here...
Oh. Another ->-bleeped-<- just called me "travelo" 30 seconds ago... too bad Im thT slow at typing and he us Already gone. Its my first beer in months and I really am in the mood for beAting kids to death.
Oh. And I hold all the ight without being misgenderes
1. Apple Sprout's keyboard. ;)
2. My BIL arranged to talk to me and basically just wanted to ream me out. I ended up kicking him out of my house and breaking down sobbing for 15 minutes... plus a few other times here and there, basically just because I wasn't ever given the chance to speak and defend myself.
On the good side... my dog was very concerned over me and comforted me for most of that 15 minutes. :D He's a lovin' lab.
Quote from: kabit on October 26, 2013, 08:45:22 AM
A Little Caesar's deep dish pizza won't magically have no calories :-X
It will have a lot of taste though :/
I totally misplaced my top surgery money. I stuffed it somewhere down my junky box of stuff. I know I can find it if I look hard enough though.
Thank god for my Self-preservation instinct. I still have enough muscle and residual T to send a minor to the hospital, which in the end would put me in the receiving end of the stick when facing a court, fudge my transition and not do a favour to the trans community. Not to mention that everything is recorded on the security cameras and... Nah, the last one that kicked an inmigrant girl went almost free.
This happened in the metro while going back home from a night at an LGBT pub. I really wanted to pin the little ->-bleeped-<-*r by the neck against the wall, give him an explanation about the differences between a crossdresser and a transexual, how GID feels and how I am tring to control it so i don't vent it on his jaw, to throw him to the floor while saying "For the next time is transsexual. Get it memorized". I men, he just passed running next to me while shouting it and getting out the wagon. A pathetic little prepubescent coward.
Kabit, those are my grammar checking brain cycles being rerouted to anger management and suppression. Which given the fact that it's 3:15 in the morning (what, the summer time finished today?), and still need to take my HRT fairly late, have a hot drink to temper my nerves, remove my make-up and untuck, I think I'm gonna pass on fixing it.
BTW, Xperia Tipo sucks that much for writing.
All day long, the woman sitting in front of me - well slightly to my left. There she was, being who she was, and all I could think/feel was an alternating flurry of, 'I so wish I was you' and 'Why can't the world get that I am you?' Sigh.
I stopped chasing after my "friends" to see if they would still talk to me if I didn't initiate every single conversation. The answer is no.
One of my enemies has infiltrated my "friends" and they welcome her with open arms. It's hard not to take that personally.
I still feel loneliness which is the most useless emotion I can think of and only serves to make me act like a whiny b-word. I despise how I act and feel when I'm lonely. It's not who I want to be.
Reading about Texas going to the supreme court to decide who I am. Sorry courts, but I know who I am.
Stupid new yahoo mail design....
Thinking about somebody who is very special to me, then thinking that I probably never cross their mind.
Quote from: Joe. on October 27, 2013, 06:46:17 PM
Thinking about somebody who is very special to me, then thinking that I probably never cross their mind.
*gives you a big hug*
Seeing narrow-mindedness being practiced by people who are otherwise compassionate and supportive people. It goes to show you we all have a blind spot and need to reflect on our own weaknesses and biases. Even if we are reluctant to entertain a different perceptive or idea, it's always better to try to understand than to simply criticize based on our own prejudices or initial reactions. Perhaps there is something for everyone to learn from in the end. Not everything is black or white and there is much for us all to learn during our short stay on this Earth. It's sad but we all fail at this in some regard. No one is infallible and it makes me sad to see some react in a reprimanding way that gives the illusion that they are. While it's a quality of humanity, it's a sorry one to witness and to be a part of (which we are all guilty of having done at some point). I guess the ugliness in us all is what makes me sad. Seeing it come to surface is a painful reminder of our failings. And it's all the more hurtful when it comes from those you love and greatly respect. Sigh, wish life could be easier at times.
Reading a blog that has stuff gay cis guys have said to trans guys on Grindr. -_- tbh though some of the trans guys come off as d-bags themselves.
This might be my last night sleeping in this room. F-ing T, if it weren't for it, I'd be totally fine.
Edited for profanity
It's 4:21 am and I'm unable to sleep at all, so I'm on here typing this.
*plays hamster lullaby from strange flash game* Hope that helps.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 28, 2013, 04:24:41 AM
*plays hamster lullaby from strange flash game* Hope that helps.
Nothing helps, ever...
But thank you for the thought.
I can't continue being this slow in the morning. It's like I'll never finish with my self.
01- Exfoliate
02- Shave
03- Shower amd Shampoo
04- Hair mask
05- BlowDry in a really wet day
06- Iron Hair
07- Blow Dry extension that has not finished drying during the whole night
08- Iron extension
Still on 09- Makeup, and after I'm back I need to recheck on eyebrows. I don't know how am I going to pull all of this when I'm back to work. Saying yes to my friends and visiting them (long distance) really eats my time. I should have finished with everything related to hair yesterday at night.
Debilitating dysphoria... at least my tricks work - they got me up the stairs this morning... they got me to work (I was angry on the drive... wanted HRT so bad after that)... and they got me to sign my birth name on a card (which was surprisingly difficult and took about 5 minutes to do).
I try to use just initials on e-mails lately... I write my full name w/o problem on official stuff... and sign with just initials and last name. On a personal card to a friend those tricks go out the window. It doesn't help that I have a friend name and a work name (always have) and this is for a work friend.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 28, 2013, 05:42:20 AM
I can't continue being this slow in the morning. It's like I'll never finish with my self.
01- Exfoliate
02- Shave
03- Shower amd Shampoo
04- Hair mask
05- BlowDry in a really wet day
06- Iron Hair
07- Blow Dry extension that has not finished drying during the whole night
08- Iron extension
Still on 09- Makeup, and after I'm back I need to recheck on eyebrows. I don't know how am I going to pull all of this when I'm back to work. Saying yes to my friends and visiting them (long distance) really eats my time. I should have finished with everything related to hair yesterday at night.
I hope those aren't specific hours!! :D
Mine isn't quite that bad, but I keep glaring at the hair that grows in 1-3 days (depending on area) yet it still keeps growing.
Quote from: kabit on October 28, 2013, 07:19:58 AM
Mine isn't quite that bad, but I keep glaring at the hair that grows in 1-3 days (depending on area) yet it still keeps growing.
I always wondered if glare treatments were effective. So many of you seem to use it. thanks for answering that question. :D
Only one slice of pizza left....
Time was changed to winter mode on saturday--- And since we are not in out correct time zone, it means that at 18:00 it will be completely dark. I already had to turn the lights at 16:00, and they still say we save electricity with this?
BTW, Did I mention that I get emotionally depressed with this? Once I'm back to work I will be leaving in the morning at night, and going back in complete darkness too. I won't bee seeing sunlight save for weekends in months.
I have a strong urge to be rude to someone. Don't know why. I just want to stir up some trouble or make someone feel like crap.
Quote from: <3 on October 28, 2013, 10:58:35 AM
I have a strong urge to be rude to someone. Don't know why. I just want to stir up some trouble or make someone feel like crap.
Guessing its cause you'er jealous of how little pain they have, i don't blame you, cis people are lucky.
Quote from: Xhianil on October 28, 2013, 11:36:05 AM
Guessing its cause you'er jealous of how little pain they have, i don't blame you, cis people are lucky.
True... lucky and clueless :D
Quote from: Xhianil on October 28, 2013, 11:36:05 AM
Guessing its cause you'er jealous of how little pain they have, i don't blame you, cis people are lucky.
Nope.
Quote from: <3 on October 28, 2013, 11:57:46 AM
Nope.
Well i can try to help talk it out why if you want, but fair warning I'm gonna be on and off.
I have mono. Enough said.
Actually, no, not enough said. I tried to walk to the bank, after a half hour of walking, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Big mistake.
my mom put rice in the stir fry instead of to the side
Quote from: Malachite on October 28, 2013, 04:47:06 PM
my mom put rice in the stir fry instead of to the side
Oh well, it all gets mixed in the bottomless pit! :D
Quote from: caleb. on October 28, 2013, 04:15:22 PM
I have mono. Enough said.
Actually, no, not enough said. I tried to walk to the bank, after a half hour of walking, I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Big mistake.
Get well Caleb, no kisses for you though! :icon_ballbounce:
Quote from: Shantel on October 28, 2013, 05:29:06 PM
Get well Caleb, no kisses for you though! :icon_ballbounce:
I knowwww. And I'm going to Indiana in two weeks... :P
Quote from: Shantel on October 28, 2013, 05:28:03 PM
Oh well, it all gets mixed in the bottomless pit! :D
Sadly I'm not a big fan of rice though :(
Quote from: Malachite on October 28, 2013, 06:15:50 PM
Sadly I'm not a big fan of rice though :(
Uh - yeah it's good as long as it's not moving around on your plate! ;D
One of my friends planned his birthday party for a day and time I can't go. Also, he doesn't invite me to hang out and doesn't talk to me unless I talk to him first. Yet, he still claims to be my friend. I stopped saying "hi" to him to see if he'd still talk to me sometime. Nope.
My internet keeps cutting out and it's very annoying.
Reading about people detransition after not being able to fit or be loved is scary enough to make me consider stopping hrt now that maybe it is still not to late for me.
But I don't want "him" to come back.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 28, 2013, 08:47:35 PMReading about people detransition after not being able to fit or be loved is scary enough to make me consider stopping hrt now that maybe it is still not to late for me.
But I don't want "him" to come back.
Sometimes it makes me not want to start.
But the current me is terrible. I don't want that anymore. I want Willow to burst out of the cocoon of my male body. She tries so hard but "he" and his testosterone make it harder.
You can do it, you make a fine looking woman, that's for certain. Don't let anyone else tell you different.
Back online after a week with no computer due to maintenance(viruses fixing) now have to remember all my passwords. :(
flu... bodyaches... head throbbing :(
Dad's drinking has put him in hospital again,I also found out he's been driving his electric buggy drunk.
Guilty over not being able to tell my #1 online freind (or freinds period) that I'm trans.
2:30 am, just got home and I'm freezing. I'm also tired and hurting.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 29, 2013, 02:25:55 AM
2:30 am, just got home and I'm freezing. I'm also tired and hurting.
*hugs ya tight* get under a nice warm blanket and curl up.
Idk, I'm just in a bad mood.
This bout of dysphoria... with emotional and almost physical pain... is just about the worst I've ever had. I can barely write about it.
Lack of penis when I'm having a strong phantom limb urge....
This is absolute torture.
Quote from: Malachite on October 29, 2013, 07:26:02 AM
Lack of penis when I'm having a strong phantom limb urge....
This is absolute torture.
This problem sounds much, much worse to me than wanting (and being able to imagine...) penetration.
Quote from: kabit on October 29, 2013, 07:50:58 AM
This problem sounds much, much worse to me than wanting (and being able to imagine...) penetration.
I wouldn't neccessarily say that since dysphoria problems are very intimate with the person experiencing them. The only reason I don't say much about them is for member's sake because of the highly graphic sexual nature of them. The best way I can explain it metaphorically without getting overly detailed is like wanting to drink a delicious soda, but not having the arms to grab it. Sure I could use a straw and lean over to drink it, but that's not as personal to me as opposed to wrapping my hands around the hand to feel how cold it is, picking it up, and actually putting my lips on it.....or better yet being a boxer that loves to box but then losing their arms, yet still feeling them. The fact that I have to rely on my mind a lot is gutting and frustrating.
Quote from: Malachite on October 29, 2013, 08:06:44 AM
I wouldn't neccessarily say that since dysphoria problems are very intimate with the person experiencing them. The only reason I don't say much about them is for member's sake because of the highly graphic sexual nature of them. The best way I can explain it metaphorically without getting overly detailed is like wanting to drink a delicious soda, but not having the arms to grab it. Sure I could use a straw and lean over to drink it, but that's not as personal to me as opposed to wrapping my hands around the hand to feel how cold it is, picking it up, and actually putting my lips on it.....or better yet being a boxer that loves to box but then losing their arms, yet still feeling them. The fact that I have to rely on my mind a lot is gutting and frustrating.
Sorry hon, I do so enjoy your thoughtful and insightful introspectives, though I know they are painful. We need to keep in mind that though some have taken that
thing for granted and often hated it enough to have it removed that there are others who hate the breasts that some would love to possess. Life is indeed full of disappointment and frustrations, but we have no choice but to persist until we prevail.
Quote from: Malachite on October 29, 2013, 08:06:44 AM
I wouldn't neccessarily say that since dysphoria problems are very intimate with the person experiencing them. The only reason I don't say much about them is for member's sake because of the highly graphic sexual nature of them. The best way I can explain it metaphorically without getting overly detailed is like wanting to drink a delicious soda, but not having the arms to grab it. Sure I could use a straw and lean over to drink it, but that's not as personal to me as opposed to wrapping my hands around the hand to feel how cold it is, picking it up, and actually putting my lips on it.....or better yet being a boxer that loves to box but then losing their arms, yet still feeling them. The fact that I have to rely on my mind a lot is gutting and frustrating.
I agree... and with Shan too. It's personal and it's something some people really can't stand having or not having... I was speaking more to the ability to do something about it, in the moment.
♥ It's all of it difficult for all of us.
Agreed. At least we have this site to support each other.
I had an appointment with an agency to help me with rent for a month. Originally they said they would help if I was going back to work next month. At the appointment I was told I have have an eviction notice in hand first. That would be too late and add up to a couple thousand (goofy landlord math) instead of $445. Grrrr!!!! What a waste of time.
was in terrible pain earlier. My stomach felt like it was about to burst. I need to change some parts of my lifestyle around. It didn't feel good. I had this twice before.
Didn't realize that the battlefield 4 beta was closed until I spent hours upon hours downloading it on my PS3. Just for that, I'm not buying the game at Black Friday. I will wait for the BF4 premium, and even then I will wait until a price drop MUAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
I slept for 9 hours, woek up refreshed, and not two hours later, I feel like it's bed time again. -_- I know you have to rest with mono, but I have stuff I want to do.
Badly cut up while shaving :(
Went to get an oil change today as a girl for the first time. I don't drive a lot (in Los Angeles, no less!), so it's been a year.
They tried to upsell me SO much more than they did before, assuming I knew nothing. The fact is that I had that car thoroughly gone through almost 4000 miles ago and is current on scheduled maintenance. I know a good mechanic for Hondas, and I swear by this guy. This doofus tech was basically telling me that my car could seize up any time if he didn't give me an engine and transmission flush right away for $200 more.
Then one tool who worked there gave me a "death stare" several times. Yes, a*hole- I'm trans. Now be a good little boy and top off my fluids before I "accidentally" run over your foot.
So. Not. Going. Back.
I am now shopping for a more chill place to take my car for a quick and dirty oil change. Or walk more.
I left my cell phone at work. But since I only live a mile from the office, I decided I'd just ride my bike over there and get it. But I managed to put a run in my pantyhose while changing into my sweats. Then on the way home, a spoke broke on the rear wheel. That's the fourth spoke I've broken in the past year, and the first one for this particular wheel.
Merde.
Made some careless mistakes at work that got noticed. No one was upset at me because they are beginner issues which were corrected and caught in time, but it sucked to have messed up. I'm glad everyone was understanding and nice to me about it when I talked to them about it; however, I am really annoyed with myself and will do my best to learn from the experience. I really pride myself in my work, so it pisses me off that I let myself and the staff down. Oh well, no one was mad and you can only move forward and learn from your mistakes.
My sister calling me while I was in and out of a dream that I was in a special elite squad from Call of Duty: MW 3 trying to disfuse a bomb and we were successful. The convo lasted for 43 minutes and now I'm awake.
I'm hurting and tired. What happens when I have to actually work and do it full time?
So I had 4 good weeks as I sit here. Very happy on E but now I feel depressed :(
I feel down in that I just want it all over and done.
The E has only confirmed what I already knew as I need to go all the way to be the true me.
While the E makes me feel content, I just don't want to wait any longer but there is a long way to go.
Jen
Quote from: learningtolive on October 29, 2013, 10:26:56 PM
Made some careless mistakes at work that got noticed. No one was upset at me because they are beginner issues which were corrected and caught in time, but it sucked to have messed up. I'm glad everyone was understanding and nice to me about it when I talked to them about it; however, I am really annoyed with myself and will do my best to learn from the experience. I really pride myself in my work, so it pisses me off that I let myself and the staff down. Oh well, no one was mad and you can only move forward and learn from your mistakes.
Don't beat up on yourself, they know you're in a learning curve. You have a great attitude and that should take you a long way with this company!
I had to share a machine in the gym and the other guy insisted in allowing him to change the machine's bar (I was doing it), and even change it back to my weights every time we seapped places.
Ok, the putting the original weight is something I used to do when I am the second one that comes to a machine already being used out of courtesy, but as a woman and coming from a man I feel like being treated as the weak sex. I don't like that now people try to act as gentlemen with me instead of bro behaviour, and the bar thing... I'm not that weak, and although he was 10 cm taller than me, I could reach it perfectly.
Damn. I don't this treatment.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 30, 2013, 09:11:56 AM
I had to share a machine in the gym and the other guy insisted in allowing him to change the machine's bar (I was doing it), and even change it back to my weights every time we seapped places.
Ok, the putting the original weight is something I used to do when I am the second one that comes to a machine already being used out of courtesy, but as a woman and coming from a man I feel like being treated as the weak sex. I don't like that now people try to act as gentlemen with me instead of bro behaviour, and the bar thing... I'm not that weak, and although he was 10 cm taller than me, I could reach it perfectly.
Damn. I don't this treatment.
Then maybe transition isn't for you if you feel that way, because it's part of the package that most women expect and many MtF's yearn for.
Fffffff... Looks like this country is ONCE AGAIN starting to run dry on Sustanon... I don't want to revert back to gel. Dx
On top of that, the pharmacy didn't have my regular injecting needles so I had to take one "size" bigger, argh.
Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2013, 09:17:42 AM
Then maybe transition isn't for you if you feel that way, because it's part of the package that most women expect and many MtF's yearn for.
I have struggled all my life to be fully independent and do not have to rely on anybody. Which is in fact why I go the gym, to prevent my strenght levels from dropping too much. I have felt and seen and weak, and... Ok, I'm that weak right now, but I like doing things by myself. I want to be a woman, not to be treated like a god damn flower. As they say in the les support group...
"You have a pair of ovaries the size of footballs"All right, I actually was happy and an inch aways from crying "Finally I'm treated like a woman", but I still have my testicles, and they can take control of me.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 30, 2013, 09:36:38 AM
I have struggled all my life to be fully independent and do not have to rely on anybody. Which is in fact why I go the gym, to prevent my strenght levels from dropping too much. I have felt and seen and weak, and... Ok, I'm that weak right now, but I like doing things by myself. I want to be a woman, not to be treated like a god damn flower. As they say in the les support group... "You have a pair of ovaries the size of footballs"
All right, I actually was happy and an inch aways from crying "Finally I'm treated like a woman", but I still have my testicles, and they can take control of me.
There's nothing wrong with being an independent woman... but this sort of thing will happen a lot (I sure hope so)!
My very, very general thought on it (with zero experience in receiving it) is... if it's a matter of strength (moving big objects, etc) or friendliness (holding open a door, for example) it's positive and chivalrous. If it's a matter of the mind (The IT Crowd, or the auto shop...) it's mysogynistic.
Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2013, 09:17:42 AM
Then maybe transition isn't for you if you feel that way, because it's part of the package that most women expect and many MtF's yearn for.
Huh? I thought transition was to become who you are, not because you want all the things that come with being a girl...That's pretty harsh to say that maybe transition is not for someone because they don't like something that, although you seem to think every woman wants, millions of feminists would fight against (are you saying that feminists should transition to be men?)
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 30, 2013, 09:36:38 AM
All right, I actually was happy and an inch aways from crying "Finally I'm treated like a woman", but I still have my testicles, and they can take control of me.
I understand what you mean, guess there comes a time when we all get past the masculine control stuff and learn to bask in the occasional rays of the feminine realm as little as they shine on most of us.
Quote from: <3 on October 30, 2013, 10:07:18 AM
Huh? I thought transition was to become who you are, not because you want all the things that come with being a girl...That's pretty harsh to say that maybe transition is not for someone because they don't like something that, although you seem to think every woman wants, millions of feminists would fight against (are you saying that feminists should transition to be men?)
No, I'm saying that if one doesn't like the benefits then they don't have to go there. Don't over-think my comment I'm not into any confrontational stuff with anyone.
Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2013, 10:14:55 AM
No, I'm saying that if one doesn't like the benefits then they don't have to go there. Don't over-think my comment I'm not into any confrontational stuff with anyone.
I didn't think it was something you meant in that way, but only because I know you a little better than some of the people who might read that post and think otherwise. Also I don't know how you meant "you don't have to" by saying "maybe its not for you". Just thinking about how I would take the comment from someone I didn't know.
I can see where you're coming from, Apple Sprout. I know lots of women who just want to be left alone to do their thing. Others enjoy the help and attention from men. I used to get really angry when I was working in the bulk department at the grocery store - it required a lot of heavy lifting and I was more than capable, but quite often a man would come and either ask if I wanted help, or worse, just come grab it from my hands. The worst was when male customers did it. I'm thinking "I got hired in this position for a reason! I'm perfectly able"
I guess in the end I realized that they really did mean well. On the exterior I was a skinny little girl so I didn't look as strong as I was. I'm actually weaker now on T than I was when I was in my top shape as a girl. lol. But yeah. I would just say "that's nice of you, but I've got it."
My sister went to the movies....I wanted her to stay here with me to watch Extreme Cheapskates. It's not as fun to watch it without her and to not hear her laugh at it.
Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2013, 08:00:05 PM
Went to get an oil change today as a girl for the first time. I don't drive a lot (in Los Angeles, no less!), so it's been a year.
They tried to upsell me SO much more than they did before, assuming I knew nothing. The fact is that I had that car thoroughly gone through almost 4000 miles ago and is current on scheduled maintenance. I know a good mechanic for Hondas, and I swear by this guy. This doofus tech was basically telling me that my car could seize up any time if he didn't give me an engine and transmission flush right away for $200 more.
Then one tool who worked there gave me a "death stare" several times. Yes, a*hole- I'm trans. Now be a good little boy and top off my fluids before I "accidentally" run over your foot.
So. Not. Going. Back.
I am now shopping for a more chill place to take my car for a quick and dirty oil change. Or walk more.
Hah, my kinda gal, love it!
Still ill. Ugh. Got ethylmorphine from the doctor and I gag every time I take some. It's so disgusting. :( Can pretty much choose between my lungs hurting real bad or being nauseous. Yay choices.
I still haven't gotten over what happened on Sunday, no matter what the excuse was I couldn't convince my mom that I know what I'm doing even though yeah I've thought this over for well over ten years now...... For well over 2 hours I disproved every excuse of it's because of X that you feel this way and if you do Y then everything will be fixed and I'll just be this macho man all of the sudden. Then on the morning of my therapy session I get a text saying that they will always support me in whatever decision I make, thanks for confusing me even more as now I have no idea how you really feel until I can talk in person on Friday. Even my therapist said I seemed like a different person this week compared to last week and going over everything again that had just happened the day before was tough which made this session very difficult. When you go from being told that you have their support in what ever you do after coming out the week before to I have no idea what I'm doing or am this week but we still support you while giving you nothing but resistance in return from them, then that can kind of deflate the balloon that was flying pretty high ??? It's been a while since I got home and just went to bed without eating dinner but I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I just had to.
Plus it doesn't help either that my beard is like Homer simpson's in that as soon as I shave I have the instant 5'oclock shadow that is giving me one heck of a case of grief. I don't think other people have noticed it as I haven't had much face to face interactions with others when i'm presenting as myself but I can't stand to see my face in the mirror because that's all I can focus on. I'm at least in the process of setting up my first laser appointment to get started ASAP.
I guess I need to do what they do in those V8 tomato juice commercials and give myself a good kick in the rear to get myself back in gear.
Half my posts today seem to not exist.
I am getting happier again... but the dysphoria just won't stop.
I was asked to help move some tables around - that was the start of the episode... then it got worse. They were rearranging a big conference room for a baby shower. I powered through, but I really had to calm and collect myself after we were done. I know it doesn't make sense for me to be invited (yet ;)) but the fact that I should be included and that nobody knows it... and the question of whether I would be included afterward... (or how comfortable I'd be being included, for that matter)...
That's the sort of thing that really gets to me and makes me have a hard time just walking down the hall. The worst part was all the "inclusiveness" the table movers had... such a very male vs. female situation I found myself in - and I have a really difficult time with that. I'm also just darned scared it'll be as bad or worse after I transition at work. . . but I have faith that it will be better.
I got misgendered for the first time in 6 months. "Hi Miss!"
Quote from: caleb. on October 30, 2013, 08:47:50 PM
I got misgendered for the first time in 6 months. "Hi Miss!"
I don't know if this will make you feeling any better but for most of my adult life, while I believed I was a cis male, I used to get called Miss and Ma'am a lot and I wasn't trying to be feminine... at all.
Amy
I should not have come so early to therapy, since I risk seeing other patients. Just seen a kid transitioner, and makes me want to kill myself, and the hrt having tiny effect on me. I feel like a monkey for make-up tests.
I'm suffering from a urinary tract infection at the moment (oh, the joys of still having my original plumbing!) but to add insult to injury, the cystitis remedy I bought from the pharmacy says in big, bold letters 'not to be used by men' and 'this medicine is used to relieve the symptoms of cystitis in women'.
Ugh. Thanks, guys. Not everyone who needs this medicine identifies as a woman, you know. >:(
Quote from: Apple Sprout on October 31, 2013, 04:28:19 AM
I should not have come so early to therapy, since I risk seeing other patients. Just seen a kid transitioner, and makes me want to kill myself, and the hrt having tiny effect on me. I feel like a monkey for make-up tests.
I often feel I was born 20 years too early... but I always try to be happy that I can finally be myself!
Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 31, 2013, 05:31:48 AM
Ugh. Thanks, guys. Not everyone who needs this medicine identifies as a woman, you know. >:(
If it helps, I have the same warning in my avodart boxes...
Well, and another therapy day. I'm tired of always listening to the same words. "You dress very well, you have a good aspect and presentation, you are doing it very well. I will talk with the psychiatrist about the endo. You are going for sure very soon".
By the time I get approved, I could virtually have the GRS letter, at the current rate.
I fear that I cannot find my blue bandana that was made from a ripped bed sheet. It made me look quite masculine.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on October 31, 2013, 05:31:48 AM
I'm suffering from a urinary tract infection at the moment (oh, the joys of still having my original plumbing!) but to add insult to injury, the cystitis remedy I bought from the pharmacy says in big, bold letters 'not to be used by men' and 'this medicine is used to relieve the symptoms of cystitis in women'.
Ugh. Thanks, guys. Not everyone who needs this medicine identifies as a woman, you know. >:(
Get well hon! Probably way too many of us agonize about our plumbing issues when many of us probably won't be rolling around in the hay with anyone anytime soon. Suppose we can get by just fine since no-one is going to be getting that personal unless they have been properly briefed and are completely agreeable to what is. ;D
I created an account on healthcare.gov and now I'm going through the steps to apply and see what it will actually cost me. I'm at the place where it asks you your sex. And I'm not happy about it, legally, I'm still male, but I really don't want to put that. I don't know what to do and the whole thought is really depressing right now.
Quote from: big head horsey-face on October 31, 2013, 10:38:05 AM
I created an account on healthcare.gov and now I'm going through the steps to apply and see what it will actually cost me. I'm at the place where it asks you your sex. And I'm not happy about it, legally, I'm still male, but I really don't want to put that. I don't know what to do and the whole thought is really depressing right now.
Put "male." It is asking so it can check eligibility against social security records and these fields must match.
I booked an appointment by phone for my first Ipl hair removal for the beard..
When the lady on the phone asked me where I wanted Hair removal and I said face.
She repeated FACE???? with a astonnished fealing in her voice ...
I repllied very shy... ehhh yes...
Well.. I guess I will enter the salon pretty shy...
Quote from: Inazuma on October 31, 2013, 10:57:22 AM
I booked an appointment by phone for my first Ipl hair removal for the beard..
When the lady on the phone asked me where I wanted Hair removal and I said face.
She repeated FACE???? with a astonnished fealing in her voice ...
I repllied very shy... ehhh yes...
Well.. I guess I will enter the salon pretty shy...
My tech tried to talk me out of it. She said it would hurt a lot and take up to 2 years. She then suggested I only do the neck, or at least skip the upper lip.
Finally I told her I was transgender - she's been great ever since!
I tried changing the name on my account for an online game from "his" name to my name last month, was told some BS about not being able to for technical reasons. Though they made it so I didn't see "his" name on my account anymore and made a note of my legal name. I wasn't happy with it but I accepted it rather than continue arguing.
Today, I purchased something for this game and they sent me a confirmation email that said in, big bold letters, "Greetings *His Name*!" >:( :'(
nasty pizza rolls.....wasted calories
Quote from: kabit on October 31, 2013, 11:08:12 AM
My tech tried to talk me out of it. She said it would hurt a lot and take up to 2 years. She then suggested I only do the neck, or at least skip the upper lip.
Finally I told her I was transgender - she's been great ever since!
Well honestly I hope I won't have too... But if it helps getting some discomfort away for her... and me subsequently, I might do it.
Thanks
Throwing up in public. Yay. :(
Some psychopathic hater hatin' on me
Quote from: V M on October 31, 2013, 04:17:11 PM
Some psychopathic hater hating on me
*gives you a big hug*
You're a better person than they will ever be if that's how they choose to act.
GTA V: Online still isn't working for me. I swear if I lose all of my progress I won't have the motivation to restart. Rockstar needs to get their mess together.
Quote from: V M on October 31, 2013, 04:17:11 PM
Some psychopathic hater hatin' on me
Hope you stay safe hon!
Obnoxious sport fans that also are my neighbors.
I have the football match on TV for the sole purpose of knowing when it is finished so I can sleep. C'mon, one of the best things of living alone was not having to listen to my father shouting every fricking weekend.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 31, 2013, 04:30:45 PM
*gives you a big hug*
You're a better person than they will ever be if that's how they choose to act.
Thank you Sephirah and Shantel :)
Hugs
I was tired so I actually didn't really react to them much, just gave them a 'Whatever' look, yawned and went about my business
Feeling lonely for Halloween.
Not having a "fast forward" switch to grow out hair.
These cheerios tastes old and burnt.
There is a big pregnant looking raccoon on my roof checking out the chimney. I hate raccoons.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 31, 2013, 07:24:45 PM
There is a big pregnant looking raccoon on my roof checking out the chimney. I hate raccoons.
Raccoons and foxes are magic animals in Japan culture, they can shift there appearence and pass Humans.
I guess they have the power which we all wish for ! ;)
hehe!
My brother is here.
Anxiety attack. I'm trying to do thing on the house to keep it under control, but is a hard battle.
I have been having anxiety all day, feeling inexplicably weepy,... until I realized my mum's having one of her moods again and I'm just reacting to her really... I should be able to keep our emotions seperate by now.
one of my socks is lost on the bed
Quote from: Malachite on November 01, 2013, 10:54:23 AM
My brother is here.
LOL I know it's not funny, just enjoying your blunt honesty about family members,
'what made you unhappy today? '
malachite: 'my brother is here', 'my mom came home early', etc. lol
I'm pretty sure that my dog is dying. She will barely lift her head to look up at anyone, every time she drinks water she throws up, and she can't walk much on her own when we lift her up and take her outside.
My parents aren't really keen on taking her to the vet, and I already blew all my money taking her there a few months ago when I first noticed the problems arising. She really could stand to go back, obviously, but yeah. I was the only one willing to chip in the cash.
Quote from: FA on November 01, 2013, 03:16:40 PM
LOL I know it's not funny, just enjoying your blunt honesty about family members,
'what made you unhappy today? '
malachite: 'my brother is here', 'my mom came home early', etc. lol
HAHA wow, I do be pretty short and blunt about my statements don't I? I do it so much it's hard for me to notice. Luckily for me he left within 30 minutes so I guess he came just to grab some stuff.
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 03:25:10 PM
I'm pretty sure that my dog is dying. She will barely lift her head to look up at anyone, every time she drinks water she throws up, and she can't walk much on her own when we lift her up and take her outside.
My parents aren't really keen on taking her to the vet, and I already blew all my money taking her there a few months ago when I first noticed the problems arising. She really could stand to go back, obviously, but yeah. I was the only one willing to chip in the cash.
I hate that for you, man. :( I love animals. What are you going to do?
There's not much I can do. I spent all the money I could on the vet checkups, my family was alerted to the problem months in advance, could have purchased pet insurance in the past few months when they knew health issues were beginning (which would have been a good idea in the first place), and they didn't. I'm completely broke so I can't help much more.
I guess I'll just contribute to making her as comfortable as I possibly can. We've given her a blanket and a towel, lift her up to get her to try and drink some water, etc.
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 03:38:19 PM
There's not much I can do. I spent all the money I could on the vet checkups, my family was alerted to the problem months in advance, could have purchased pet insurance in the past few months when they knew health issues were beginning (which would have been a good idea in the first place), and they didn't. I'm completely broke so I can't help much more.
I guess I'll just contribute to making her as comfortable as I possibly can. We've given her a blanket and a towel, lift her up to get her to try and drink some water, etc.
-hugs- I know that must be tough but at least you are trying to help the dog feel as comfortable as possible. I know when our last cat got sick my mom just kicked it out and fed her outside until she stopped coming around.
omg, that's horrible. :( We just have a towel under her head in case she throws up, watch her often, replace and wash the towel right away.
poor baby....
Honestly I'm in major denial right now. I mean, I can say logically what's going on, but I've shut off my emotions. :( I know that as soon as it happens though, I will be an absolute wreck.
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 03:48:48 PM
Honestly I'm in major denial right now. I mean, I can say logically what's going on, but I've shut off my emotions. :( I know that as soon as it happens though, I will be an absolute wreck.
-hugs- that's the worst part about having a sick family member....
Back hurts.
Having a sudden attack of the I'll Never Be Pregnant Wistfullies. It's been a while since my last one.
I shop a lot at my local Goodwill store. I see a really nice pretty dress & know it's a size too small however I purchase it any way. Then as always when I try it on at home indeed it is too small. Normally in the chest area. My upper body is just way too big.
At least I bought some nice things that fit right.
I went upstairs to see my dog and she was dead. :( At least she didn't suffer for long.
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 06:22:27 PM
I went upstairs to see my dog and she was dead. :( At least she didn't suffer for long.
I'm sorry caleb. -hugs-
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 06:22:27 PM
I went upstairs to see my dog and she was dead. :( At least she didn't suffer for long.
I'm so sorry to hear it! :( They are so full of love.
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 06:22:27 PM
I went upstairs to see my dog and she was dead. :( At least she didn't suffer for long.
Sorry, Caleb. I'm a dog person, I know what you're feeling. Hugs, Devlyn
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Fcandle_flame_zps05f4fedd.jpg&hash=6daecf7043991ca72a28261f7cfad76c8cb04521)
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 06:22:27 PM
I went upstairs to see my dog and she was dead. :( At least she didn't suffer for long.
Oh Caleb sorry honey, big long hugs form Auntie Shan! (((Hugs)))
Quote from: caleb. on November 01, 2013, 06:22:27 PM
I went upstairs to see my dog and she was dead. :( At least she didn't suffer for long.
Aww, I'm really sorry. I've only recently learned how important our pets can be in our lives.
I own 2 solid white pure breed Great Pryenees female dogs. I love both of them.
I'm so sorry for you on the loss of your dog. I know it hurts. Maybe when you can, adopt a new dog. They need love like all of us.
I can't find my Gameboy Advance SP.
Looks like I can't play any Moogoo Monkey.
People in the "happy" thread talking about eating from the trash :P eeech.
Found out that I no longer have insurance, for some strange reason, even though it could be because Selective Services keeps telling my I haven't registered even though I already did. <not allowed> my terrible life.
EDIT: Nevermind, misread the letter. I have some coverage still, but my deductible has sharply risen. HRT is fortunately covered under the pharmacy section, not directly, but implied, because, to the military, I'm a moral degenerate.
Quote from: kabit on November 01, 2013, 09:07:25 PM
People in the "happy" thread talking about eating from the trash :P eeech.
Don't knock it til you try it...
Thanks everyone. I don't think she suffered much. The man who took her to be cremated was very respectful of us and of her remains too. We're going to get little paw prints made.
:'( {{{HUGS}}} :'(
I don't really know, I am just really down today. I think it is from the lack of funds really hitting me.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 02, 2013, 02:45:31 AM
I don't really know, I am just really down today. I think it is from the lack of funds really hitting me.
Hugs baby, wishing for a bundle of $$$ to drop in your lap, but....well you know it's just a wish. Maybe with people wishing for you it would be the magic moment to pick up a lotto ticket at the local store, who knows?
I shall have to try that. Can you loan me a buck?
Quote from: LordKAT on November 02, 2013, 07:58:46 AM
I shall have to try that. Can you loan me a buck?
Sheesh, that is rock bottom poor child! So when are you moving in with mom?
Quote from: Shantel on November 02, 2013, 08:03:37 AM
Sheesh, that is rock bottom poor child! So when are you moving in with mom?
Perhaps he could move in with his Auntie, Shan ;)
The dishes in the sink are staring me down. I have a feeling that I will have to do them -sigh- I'll get to it soon.
Quote from: kabit on November 02, 2013, 08:19:44 AM
Perhaps he could move in with his Auntie, Shan ;)
Last time something like that happened I almost wound up divorced. I'm forbidden to bring home stray puppies or kittys now.
Quote from: Malachite on November 02, 2013, 09:25:45 AM
The dishes in the sink are staring me down. I have a feeling that I will have to do them -sigh- I'll get to it soon.
Ditto...
I'm doing my whole color laundry today. I have no gaffs left, and they are asking me to go out. I really want to sleep and play Halo 4 online this evening...
Quote from: LordKAT on November 02, 2013, 07:58:46 AMI shall have to try that. Can you loan me a buck?
I don't think that a deer will buy you a lotto ticket...
:p
In that case, I may have to try it to. With some of the winning I get from dad and his brothers at cards tonight.
Can't sleep and it's 2am :-\
Tried counting sheep but they were delicious. >:(
Been sick for days. Barely hold my head up from the pain and heaviness. God that sounded pathetic! :laugh:
Quote from: FA on November 02, 2013, 10:32:16 AM
Been sick for days. Barely hold my head up from the pain and heaviness. God that sounded pathetic! :laugh:
Never fun, hugs and hopes for a rapid recovery Nero! :icon_bunch:
Quote from: FA on November 02, 2013, 10:32:16 AM
Been sick for days. Barely hold my head up from the pain and heaviness. God that sounded pathetic! :laugh:
*gives you a big hug*
I really hope you feel better soon. *sends healing energy*
As for what made me unhappy... yeah... nothing important I guess. I got a birthday card from my brother's wife.
I quote:
"Dear scumbag,
We hope you rot in hell. Here's hoping we won't have to send any more of these.
Love to hate you,
<her name> + < my brother> + <my nephew and niece>."
*sigh*
Some days you just wish you never got out of bed. :(
Quote from: Sephirah on November 02, 2013, 10:41:47 AM
*gives you a big hug*
I really hope you feel better soon. *sends healing energy*
As for what made me unhappy... yeah... nothing important I guess. I got a birthday card from my brother's wife.
I quote:
"Dear scumbag,
We hope you rot in hell. Here's hoping we won't have to send any more of these.
Love to hate you,
<her name> + < my brother> + <my nephew and niece>."
*sigh*
Some days you just wish you never got out of bed. :(
That is beyond the scope of ugliness, are you sure they are even human?
Quote from: Shantel on November 02, 2013, 10:48:21 AM
That is beyond the scope of ugliness, are you sure they are even human?
I sometimes wonder if I am.
I guess everyone has their limits.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't be complaining.
Thank you, Shantel. *hugs*
I have no idea why I'm feeling tired & depressed. I'm going to start some exercise when I've shipped my kids off to Grandma's (for a movie this afternoon :)).
Quote from: FA on November 02, 2013, 10:32:16 AM
Been sick for days. Barely hold my head up from the pain and heaviness. God that sounded pathetic! :laugh:
I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you get better soon. :icon_flower:
Quote from: Sephirah on November 02, 2013, 10:41:47 AM
As for what made me unhappy... yeah... nothing important I guess. I got a birthday card from my brother's wife.
I quote:
"Dear scumbag,
We hope you rot in hell. Here's hoping we won't have to send any more of these.
Love to hate you,
<her name> + < my brother> + <my nephew and niece>."
*sigh*
Some days you just wish you never got out of bed. :(
That's awful! What a bunch of :icon_censored: :icon_censored: mother :icon_censored: :icon_censored: :icon_censored: and you should tell them to go :icon_censored: themselves in their :icon_censored::icon_censored: because they're :icon_censored: clown shoes! I mean what the :icon_censored:? I'm sorry you're related to trash like that. You are a truly wonderful person and deserve much better! >:(
*BIG HUGS* for both of you!
Amy
Quote from: kabit on November 02, 2013, 11:23:54 AM
I have no idea why I'm feeling tired & depressed. I'm going to start some exercise when I've shipped my kids off to Grandma's (for a movie this afternoon :)).
*BIG HUGS*Amy
Quote from: FA on November 02, 2013, 10:32:16 AM
Been sick for days. Barely hold my head up from the pain and heaviness. God that sounded pathetic! :laugh:
Big hug! Wait, you're not contagious, I hope!
Quote from: Sephirah on November 02, 2013, 10:41:47 AM
*gives you a big hug*
I really hope you feel better soon. *sends healing energy*
As for what made me unhappy... yeah... nothing important I guess. I got a birthday card from my brother's wife.
I quote:
"Dear scumbag,
We hope you rot in hell. Here's hoping we won't have to send any more of these.
Love to hate you,
<her name> + < my brother> + <my nephew and niece>."
*sigh*
Some days you just wish you never got out of bed. :(
Big hug! I know the feeling.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 02, 2013, 12:07:18 PM
I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you get better soon. :icon_flower:
That's awful! What a bunch of :icon_censored: :icon_censored: mother :icon_censored: :icon_censored: :icon_censored: and you should tell them to go :icon_censored: themselves in their :icon_censored::icon_censored: because they're :icon_censored: clown shoes! I mean what the :icon_censored:? I'm sorry you're related to trash like that. You are a truly wonderful person and deserve much better! >:(
*BIG HUGS* for both of you!
Amy
Ahem.....
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Fsoap_zps3eefa760.jpg&hash=9312fffcd045d43551c25ad1a691c31f3d95a343)
Quote from: FA on November 02, 2013, 10:32:16 AM
Been sick for days. Barely hold my head up from the pain and heaviness. God that sounded pathetic! :laugh:
Let's see, Here is some Zinc tabs, Vitamin C, ah yes, chicken soup, OJ, tea and toast, aspirin, blankets, ice pack, TV remote, Alarm shut offer, Nyquil, dayquil. Also some get well wishes.
Now to stuff them all in my old kit doctors bag and PM them to you.
Need anything else?
The kitchen sink would probably be helpful! :laugh:
Quote from: Sephirah on November 02, 2013, 10:41:47 AM
As for what made me unhappy... yeah... nothing important I guess. I got a birthday card from my brother's wife. .....
*sigh*
Some days you just wish you never got out of bed. :(
Talk about a waste of paper. I hope you know it isn't true and you have us. You certainly don't deserve a message like that.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 02, 2013, 12:32:15 PM
The kitchen sink would probably be helpful! :laugh:
Ah, Devlyn, in case you haven't noticed,you are a big girl now and no longer fit in the kitchen sink.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 02, 2013, 12:29:49 PM
Quote from: FA on November 02, 2013, 10:32:16 AM
Been sick for days. Barely hold my head up from the pain and heaviness. God that sounded pathetic! :laugh:
Let's see, Here is some Zinc tabs, Vitamin C, ah yes, chicken soup, OJ, tea and toast, aspirin, blankets, ice pack, TV remote, Alarm shut offer, Nyquil, dayquil. Also some get well wishes.
Now to stuff them all in my old kit doctors bag and PM them to you.
Need anything else?
Thanks Kat!
Halloween night I was on my feet for six or seven hours, in a pair of very high heels that were about a half size too small. My toenails feel a bit bruised.
Got a windstorm in progress, intermittent power outages, TV pixelating wildly, branches and debris all over the place just a day after I finished raking the yards...Meh!
Quote from: Shantel on November 02, 2013, 01:11:38 PM
Got a windstorm in progress, intermittent power outages, TV pixelating wildly, branches and debris all over the place just a day after I finished raking the yards...Meh!
A mess. I hope there doesn't happen to get any damage.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 02, 2013, 01:52:21 PM
A mess. I hope there doesn't happen to get any damage.
Thanks, no just the mess to clean up. It's becoming more typical of this time of year in the PNW.
Having to reset my clocks, timers, answering machine etc. tonight for the daylight savings thing and knowing that at exactly 2:00 AM the hands on my bedroom clock will start spinning like something from a horror film when it resets it'self :P
Generally just been in a foul mood. Hoping it goes away soon.
Quote from: V M on November 02, 2013, 08:53:29 PM
Having to reset my clocks, timers, answering machine etc. tonight for the daylight savings thing and knowing that at exactly 2:00 AM the hands on my bedroom clock will start spinning like something from a horror film when it resets it'self :P
*Snicker* If that could be motion activated, I'd love to keep it around to freak out guests.
So it really hit me just now that my dog is gone. :'(
I feel like a freak, who is unable to love, because I am me and not what I am expected to be.
I just can't stop thinking about what lies ahead. I want it so badly that I am obsessing about it.
While good it is making me very unhappy. :(
I hate being male more than ever and am loving the effects of my first month on E.
I have an appointment shortly with my Endo and want to increase it.
This might help but I have noticed that I have felt like this a few times recently.
J
Quote from: caleb. on November 02, 2013, 11:46:15 PM
So it really hit me just now that my dog is gone. :'(
Ouch
the staggering amount of ignorance, hate, and general transphobia that dominates social media sites, forums, and even the comments section of my local news paper. It enrages me, and makes me want to do something, to fight....
...but I am so tired. I've fought all my life already for the freedom to practice a non-christian religion. I just don;t know if I have it in me to fight another battle. I just want to live a happy life as the person I was meant to be, but I can't just sit by and watch while these people spew their ignorance and hate and fight against things like EQUALITY and HAPPINESS.
I want to shop for shoes, and play with cosmetics, and sing at the top of my voice, and go on dates, and dance, and just LIVE.
But women like me are getting killed, harassed...targeted for nothing other than existing! I can't turn my back on that. I can't just go on being self absorbed and pretend it's not happening.
Not if I can help in some way.
The leader of the youth at our church deliberately set it up where to if I'm not teaching, I'm assisting all this month so I won't be out "just because". That is crap. Perhaps I wanted to try the little Methodist church above me, or even get the courage to call up the LBGT-affirming church to see if they can pick me up.
I'm still going to miss church anyway if I want to and I told her that. She tried to say "well you know if you do, then your sister (the pastor) will get you." I could care less what my sister's reaction is. She already doesn't accept my trans status. Perhaps when I do get my top surgery, she will dismiss me from having any association with the church children permanently.
I'm getting really sick of feeling sexually crippled, and intimately lost. I don't know what could possibly make me happy inside and it feels as if chastity has been forced upon me against my own volition. It doesn't seem like I have lost my libido. I still have great desire to be intimate and it crosses my mind quite often, but I have no focus for that desire, nothing to fantasize about. Any acts of pleasure upon myself are only coupled with shame and discontent for my body. I used to think I could just close my eyes and pretend, but now I don't know what to pretend anymore. All I know is that I want to be treated as a woman, but how could I ever ask someone to love me as a woman for my body, if I can't even love my body as a woman for myself? I am without focus, without a position sexually, and I feel that is something every teenager is entitled to.
Quote from: Malachite on November 03, 2013, 08:13:09 AM
The leader of the youth at our church deliberately set it up where to if I'm not teaching, I'm assisting all this month so I won't be out "just because". That is crap. Perhaps I wanted to try the little Methodist church above me, or even get the courage to call up the LBGT-affirming church to see if they can pick me up.
I'm still going to miss church anyway if I want to and I told her that. She tried to say "well you know if you do, then your sister (the pastor) will get you." I could care less what my sister's reaction is. She already doesn't accept my trans status. Perhaps when I do get my top surgery, she will dismiss me from having any association with the church children permanently.
I will never, ever understand unaccepting Christian churches... after all, The Bible doesn't teach us to "remember that sameness is most important, ostracize those who are different, and for god's sake stay away from the lepers."
Being depressed and not knowing why. Though I suspect I need to get my hormones checked again.
Depression is contagious. No thumbs up for you.
Though I have been down for a while, until Devlyn posted a pic of a deer and got me up to mid level. Maybe you need a deer in your yard.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 03, 2013, 10:17:52 AM
Being depressed and not knowing why. Though I suspect I need to get my hormones checked again.
Hope it passes quickly! I was there yesterday (I'm positive my T is waaaay too high ;))
Quote from: kabit on November 03, 2013, 10:52:35 AM
Hope it passes quickly! I was there yesterday (I'm positive my T is waaaay too high ;))
Thanks! I'm not sure if it's my hormones or not. I've been way more irritable and aggressive lately, my libido is in overdrive (sorry for TMI) and my breasts aren't hurting anymore (this one is probably just a brief hiatus but idk).
I just had my blood checked a little over a month ago and my T was really low (low for female range) and my E was up there so I don't get how I could have a sudden change but I'm sure it's possible. I'm just feeling like crap lately.
Amy
Something is wrong with my tape measure. I took measurments of my body today & surely I'm not that fat in the stomach area & have such a skinny type flat butt. I want some curves like Marilyn!!!!
Quote from: Makalii on November 03, 2013, 10:07:18 AM
I'm getting really sick of feeling sexually crippled, and intimately lost. I don't know what could possibly make me happy inside and it feels as if chastity has been forced upon me against my own volition. It doesn't seem like I have lost my libido. I still have great desire to be intimate and it crosses my mind quite often, but I have no focus for that desire, nothing to fantasize about. Any acts of pleasure upon myself are only coupled with shame and discontent for my body. I used to think I could just close my eyes and pretend, but now I don't know what to pretend anymore. All I know is that I want to be treated as a woman, but how could I ever ask someone to love me as a woman for my body, if I can't even love my body as a woman for myself? I am without focus, without a position sexually, and I feel that is something every teenager is entitled to.
Gosh I understand everything in the bold
so well. It's almost like I could have wrote it. For me, it's absolutely horrible....to be sexually broken and all and I envy many cisgendered teenagers for not having to go through this.
Quote from: kabit on November 03, 2013, 10:07:36 AM
I will never, ever understand unaccepting Christian churches... after all, The Bible doesn't teach us to "remember that sameness is most important, ostracize those who are different, and for god's sake stay away from the lepers."
Part of the reason maybe is to "keep face" which sucks. It sucks even more if the person doesn't even want to take the time to learn about ->-bleeped-<-.
Quote from: Malachite on November 03, 2013, 01:50:41 PM
Part of the reason maybe is to "keep face" which sucks. It sucks even more if the person doesn't even want to take the time to learn about ->-bleeped-<-.
I totally understand that last... that's where my family is at, though my wife is much, much better now. She says she isn't and it's all an act... I don't believe her - she couldn't possibly act out a fairly intimate friendly moment and she's making the effort to understand me a bit more. Family confuses me more than anyone. (And yes... I understand they're going through stuff too... but I feel like I'm living as a teenage girl and interacting with a bunch of other teenage girls :P)
Having to rely on baby sister to move furniture and boxes for me. I can normally do all this on my own and being too weak to carry a gallon of milk is frustrating to the max.
My nephew is hanging out with the two little girls here instead of me. I wanted to play video games with him.
And I feel horrible for eating so many chicken nuggets. Meh, I'm only eating cashews for the rest of the night and I'm going to drink a lot of water.
I hate that my mom cooks a big dinner for people because I'm the one that has to wash dishes -hisses-
Quote from: Malachite on November 03, 2013, 04:32:03 PM
My nephew is hanging out with the two little girls here instead of me. I wanted to play video games with him.
And I feel horrible for eating so many chicken nuggets. Meh, I'm only eating cashews for the rest of the night and I'm going to drink a lot of water.
I hate that my mom cooks a big dinner for people because I'm the one that has to wash dishes -hisses-
Cashews are better than chicken nuggets? For salt, sure... I can't tell if you're watching calories or what!
I am having a high calorie day today.... had 2 chicken nuggets myself and a full serving of fries (all the oven kind from frozen)... on top of my normal meal I'll be having :D. That probably means I'll lose 2 lbs overnight :(. Losing weight acts weird.
Sorry... nothing particularly unhappy other than that I have no desire to do anything productive at all.
Quote from: kabit on November 03, 2013, 02:20:56 PM
I totally understand that last... that's where my family is at, though my wife is much, much better now. She says she isn't and it's all an act... I don't believe her - she couldn't possibly act out a fairly intimate friendly moment and she's making the effort to understand me a bit more. Family confuses me more than anyone. (And yes... I understand they're going through stuff too... but I feel like I'm living as a teenage girl and interacting with a bunch of other teenage girls :P)
Yes, family can be very confusing.
Quote from: kabit on November 03, 2013, 04:44:30 PM
Cashews are better than chicken nuggets? For salt, sure... I can't tell if you're watching calories or what!
I am having a high calorie day today.... had 2 chicken nuggets myself and a full serving of fries (all the oven kind from frozen)... on top of my normal meal I'll be having :D. That probably means I'll lose 2 lbs overnight :(. Losing weight acts weird.
Sorry... nothing particularly unhappy other than that I have no desire to do anything productive at all.
I hate cashews but I imagine they are a bit healthier than chicken nuggets :/ I'm trying to watch calories but I seem to be failing. It sucks when my mother seems to want to by tons of junk food.
Feeling like I have nobody.
Thank you both. *hugs*
Quote from: Malachite on November 03, 2013, 01:50:41 PM
Gosh I understand everything in the bold so well. It's almost like I could have wrote it. For me, it's absolutely horrible....to be sexually broken and all and I envy many cisgendered teenagers for not having to go through this.
It's like having to hold on to all of those hormones inside of my body with no way to release them, until they fester and deteriorate into something that just makes me sad. And when my friends tell me how great their last one night stand went, I'm happy for them, but also jealous and sad, yet I don't want to tell them that, because I still want to hear about it for some reason.
Quote from: Makalii on November 03, 2013, 05:35:27 PM
It's like having to hold on to all of those hormones inside of my body with no way to release them, until they fester and deteriorate into something that just makes me sad. And when my friends tell me how great their last one night stand went, I'm happy for them, but also jealous and sad, yet I don't want to tell them that, because I still want to hear about it for some reason.
I feel like I have tons of testosterone running through my body with no outlet. Sometimes the mind wants to torture us with things we know are out of our range. -hugs-
Quote from: Malachite on November 03, 2013, 05:40:03 PM
I feel like I have tons of testosterone running through my body with no outlet. Sometimes the mind wants to torture us with things we know are out of our range. -hugs-
*Hugs*
I think I mixed the cocoa with the instant coffee. I can't sleep now...
Realizing that my rascally ways leave me with few to rely on when I need muscle power and my distinct lack of funds or ability to earn any.
A girlfriend would help.
Quote from: Joe. on November 03, 2013, 04:51:49 PM
Feeling like I have nobody.
Feeling like the only people I do have are a mythological figure and a fictional character both of which probably wouldn't like me if they met me.
I posted something about a week and a half ago about waiting to see if my friends talk to me if I don't talk to them first. I have yet to hear from any of the ones I was referring to. I'll wait longer, but it looks like my fears were right.
I'm just generally unhappy and depressed. I want my happy back.
Quote from: Willow on November 03, 2013, 09:55:40 PM
I'm just generally unhappy and depressed. I want my happy back.
KAT detective on the job. No charge. Where was your happy last seen to get me started?
A close friend of mine thinks he knows what goes on inside a girl's mind, but he doesn't. He also doesn't know I'm trans so he keeps saying "us" and "they" which feels like I'm being dragged into the stereotypical stupidity of it. What he doesn't know is that he's arguing with a girl bout what a girl thinks. Grrrr...
Putting together a wardrobe/storage cupboard for someone, I hit a couple snags. Felt like crap because it was yet more evidence of my incompetence as a 'man'. Then I thought, 'Wait a sec, I'm not a 'man' - so what's the problem!?!?' It was a nice try, but I still felt crummy.
I'm sick of everyone.
After going 6 months without being misgendered, I've been misgendered twice this week. Since both times it was busy/noisy, there was no opportunity for me to really correct them or even express annoyance. If I was in a situation that was clearly one-on-one, and not noisy, I'd probably tell the (probably well-meaning) individual where to go and how to get there. I don't care anymore if they meant well. I've been on T for 18 months, almost 19. I've had women yell at me when I was a cashier and called them 'sir' and upon closer inspection, I realized that I wasn't paying enough attention and that they were in fact female (probably cis). I imagine if I called a man ma'am I'd have gotten it worse. I hate my body though. I want to rip my skin off. I wish I looked manly enough so that there was no doubt. Just like, oh, before I was transitioned, there was no doubt I was female. Nope, never, clearly a woman. Why can't I be, CLEARLY, UNDENIABLY, male? There are cis men who look like me, wonder how often this happens to them. Right, because I was born in the wrong goddamn body. I hate my boobs, I hate my vagina, I hate my stupid baby face, I hate my voice, I hate that estrogen got so many years to screw everything up and I'm mad at the fact that I never got to experience a large part of my life the way I should have. Hell, I still don't.
And while we're at it, I'm getting to the point where I wish I was raised to be more of an a-hole. For the last little while, every goddamn time I eat I have someone in my family down my throat about 'healthy' choices. And CALORIES. Guess what? I know what food is good and bad, and yeah, I chose the crappy food, because it tastes good and I truly do not give a crap at this point. I'm a big man, I've got a belly, and I know why it's there. Thanks. If I wanted women jumping down my throat at every chance, I'd have gotten married.
Amongst other things. I was never taught to stand up for myself. In fact, I was taught the opposite - shut your mouth and take it.
My grandpa really said it all. I was telling him that certain family were still getting the name wrong and he said "give it time and just don't say anything." I said "I've given them 4 years, what do you call that?" And he said "yes, but it's only now they've HAD to." Yes, because up until recently I didn't have a semblance of balls and let myself be treated like a joke. Only now did I insist, insist, insist. Only after I stopped shedding tears and started telling people it was either get with the program or I would be spending my time with other people on family holidays.
Even saying all of this, acknowledging that I don't deal with problems head on - I doubt anything will get better! Because I'm too pathetic to even make the changes. I have too much working against me. I'm a tiny, weak little loser. I talk like a woman and don't know how to be direct because no one ever taught me. I was taught about "diplomacy" and "keeping my mouth shut." Not about just tell people to get off my back. No one would ever take me seriously anyway.
I don't see the point in being nice anymore. I really don't. I don't see a point in trying to help anyone, in trying to "talk" to anyone, and be "assertive" and make people feel good. I don't. I'm starting to think the only way I can make it in this world is if I am selfish and walk all over everyone. It's what many people seem to do.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 03, 2013, 10:11:14 PMKAT detective on the job. No charge. Where was your happy last seen to get me started?
Dunno, but I'd be happier to know my career inclination so I don't feel like in just wasting time here.
Have you tried a career awareness class? They are free and can help narrow down your choices by looking at your talents and likes.
It may of just been for me but Susan's was down, absolute panic nightmare.
It was down for about 5- 10 minutes or so. I use this to check: http://www.isitdownrightnow.com/
I have slept four hours, and I miscalculated the weather for today. Worst rain day since April. My socks, converse, jeans and jacket are all soaked and hanging everywhere around the house. To make it worse, it was not woth the extra time on the street..
After 4 hours, I can say that I'm sorry, but today I'm not coming out anymore. I know that it is the weekly support day, but if I go out today again I'll catch a cold for sure.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 04, 2013, 02:18:11 AMHave you tried a career awareness class? They are free and can help narrow down your choices by looking at your talents and likes.
I've done career counseling, but none of the results seemed right. What it seems is what I want to do, I am physically unable to, or this university lacks the program.
I'm getting paranoid about if my breasts are developing correctly after 6 months or I am on the route to developing tuberous, tubular or whatever breasts. I have taken photos, but... I can't go and tell somebody... "Can you check my breasts and see if they look normal?"
Snow on the ground. Time to hibernate. :-\
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 04, 2013, 08:03:47 AMSnow on the ground. Time to hibernate. :-\
Almost that time of year here too. Hibernation is indeed in order.
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 04, 2013, 08:03:47 AM
Snow on the ground. Time to hibernate. :-\
Thats a reason to be happy silly.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 04, 2013, 08:10:43 AM
Thats a reason to be happy silly.
Where I live, once it falls, it doesn't go away. The snow on the ground now will most likely stay there until April. Perhaps I'd be happier if I were into nordic skiing. :-\
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 04, 2013, 08:14:56 AM
Where I live, once it falls, it doesn't go away. The snow on the ground now will most likely stay there until April. Perhaps I'd be happier if I were into nordic skiing. :-\
Better snowy rather then just be cold like it is here, I'd love some snow to fall.
The thought of snow is depressing. The thought of a friend hurting and being unable to even start to alleviate it, even more so.
Life... and I don't mean the cereal or the board game.
Amy
The transfer requirements for Carnegie Mellon's school of architecture, or any other good architecture school for that matter, require a high school transcript, something I don't want to show anyone else ever again.
And of course my current school only has landscape architecture. I don't care about plants. I care about buildings and people.
I'm worried about my work situation. Today I made one month on sick leave (Stress anxiety and depression), and I can't take this anymore. If I don't g back to work, I'm afraid they will discard me in favor of the substitute - which also wants to keep the post since he was unemployed-.
Losing my job means losing everything, and you know what was I going to do the last time. This leave was supposed to be for me to recover the strenght, go back to a normal life and after I was fully "recovered", get back to work after three months, but I simply can't take it anymore. I need to work. I could take one more month, but I need to return to work. Plus, no matter how much I "heal", the problem (toxic mobbing co-workers with full protection agains everything) will still be there. The only thing I can do is learn how to cope with it and protect myself within my possibilities.
Just had a sudden, huge, bout of disphoria... I was sitting in class, reading a book, the glance towards my belly, then i thought "I'll never carry my own child, ever..." I just want to die...
I just realized I forgot to take my meds this morning. Thankfully they're not hormones yet (sugar & high BP) ;) (
Those meds I will keep in my purse/bag and take without fail)... stupid time change (somehow) screwed my morning schedule up.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 04, 2013, 12:18:53 PM
Just had a sudden, huge, bout of disphoria... I was sitting in class, reading a book, the glance towards my belly, then i thought "I'll never carry my own child, ever..." I just want to die...
That's a big part of what made me come ootc... it was just
too painful trying to conceive this time.
people taking their anxiety out on me at work
don't. shoot. the. messenger.
Caught a cold, blech!
my sister not buying my cashews I had......still unhappy about that today....oh well
My fifteen year old son can be really hurtful sometimes. :'(
Amy
driving instructor called and canclled driving for Friday so now I have to double up to 6 hours tommorrow in driving.... -_- my sister says she will take me to the driving test wed. -sigh-
I........HATE driving.....
Quote from: Malachite on November 04, 2013, 05:06:19 PM
driving instructor called and canclled driving for Friday so now I have to double up to 6 hours tommorrow in driving.... -_- my sister says she will take me to the driving test wed. -sigh-
I........HATE driving.....
...all the more reason to get a moped or eBike
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 04, 2013, 06:32:08 PM
...all the more reason to get a moped or eBike
Lol which I still plan to do. The urge is getting stronger. I need to find a place that does moped training.
Someone who is not me felt it was appropriate to tell me that I am wrong about my own emotions among other things. I wish people were less stupid.
People who I love treating me like crap. :'(
amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 04, 2013, 07:00:05 PMPeople who I love treating me like crap. :'(
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-hug002.gif&hash=b6ec9b5e4f4fae786f060fed743f06c9cd24bb21)
Sounds like you need a trip to the hug bank.
Insomnia, second night, even with pills. It hasn't been this bad in months. I'm that much stressed about returning to work?
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 04, 2013, 07:01:47 PMInsomnia, second night, even with pills. It hasn't been this bad in months. I'm that much stressed about returning to work?
Possible. Or maybe anxiety about it, I'd say over stress. You poor girl, I wish I could help.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 04, 2013, 07:00:05 PM
People who I love treating me like crap. :'(
amy
<bear hug>
feel better, Amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 04, 2013, 07:00:05 PM
People who I love treating me like crap. :'(
amy
*Hugs Amy* I'm sorry, hun. Nobody deserves that--
A weekend of snide remarks and constant misgendering from a guest and his thick ignorant family.He then left a rubbish review suggesting that this was not a suitable place for children and accused me of racially abusing foreign staff members.
Odd feelings of loneliness and feeling somewhat deserted and/or abandoned :-\
I'm totally done with this nail hardener I've been using... nutranail bulletproof. I apply it every couple of days or so, but I have to clean the nails with remover first... it half chipped off this morning at work and I'm not sure if it looks better now that I've peeled what I can off or before when it was obviously peeling.
Yay... nails that are only partly shiny should DEFINITELY be unnoticable. :P Did I mention that I do just want to be out to everyone already???
I could continue the rant on that . . . someone yesterday thought I got into a fight. I did... with a laser beam weilding aesthetician.
Quote from: V M on November 05, 2013, 04:58:04 AM
Odd feelings of loneliness and feeling somewhat deserted and/or abandoned :-\
You're not alone, I'd bet any number of people here think warm thoughts of you daily. If you moved west out of redneck country you'd have lots of friends to socialize with. Meanwhile I spend too much time thinking of everyone else's problems here and don't get much sleep, so this hug is about the best I can do for now hon! ((((Hugs))))
Tried going to work last nite. My car, which I have only had a couple months, made a big clunk noise like something had dropped. After that it made loud grinding noises when in motion. so much for being able to move or get to work or drive my mother to her appointments. No work and mega medical bills mean no car repair, no rent or house payment, etc.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 05, 2013, 07:46:03 AM
Tried going to work last nite. My car, which I have only had a couple months, made a big clunk noise like something had dropped. After that it made loud grinding noises when in motion. so much for being able to move or get to work or drive my mother to her appointments. No work and mega medical bills mean no car repair, no rent or house payment, etc.
Oh cripes, you need relief from that dark cloud hanging over you. This is depressing hon!
Quote from: LordKAT on November 05, 2013, 07:46:03 AM
Tried going to work last nite. My car, which I have only had a couple months, made a big clunk noise like something had dropped. After that it made loud grinding noises when in motion. so much for being able to move or get to work or drive my mother to her appointments. No work and mega medical bills mean no car repair, no rent or house payment, etc.
Big hug! Bad news always comes in clumps, doesn't it? All you can do is keep marching. Hugs, Devlyn
Waking up and still being me. :(
amy
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 05, 2013, 08:04:17 AM
Big hug! Bad news always comes in clumps, doesn't it? All you can do is keep marching. Hugs, Devlyn
Marching huh. I can't walk for more than an hour or two without being in a lot of pain. Good thought tho.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 05, 2013, 09:15:00 AM
Waking up and still being me. :(
That's about it for me too, Amy.
->-bleeped-<-ing idiot neighbor, i hate this 'sshole so much, words cannot even begin to describe it.
There is a special charity concert in a couple of weeks with a bunch of my favorite rock musicians of all time playing some of my favorite songs. Unfortunately, in order to prevent ticket scalping, tickets are will call only and all in attendance must register in advance and present proper ID. I wish my ID said "Jill" on it, but it doesn't yet because my endo is holding up my paperwork (next week's big problem). My proper ID shows a fat dude with a full beard. Now I'm none of the above (woohoo?) and full time. My DL doesn't even look like me anymore, to the point of people not believing it was me. It is USELESS.
I don't feel like trying to explain what my deal is, as this show is a block away from where a transwoman was damn near beaten to death recently.
I guess I won't be going. :(
I'm so sick of ID issues.
Quote from: Willow on November 04, 2013, 07:05:01 PM
Possible. Or maybe anxiety about it, I'd say over stress. You poor girl, I wish I could help.
Pretty much I was all the time thinking about the phone call I would do in the morning. That old feeling of a body in tension, the neck like an iron bar...
The cake is a lie! :(
my 6 hour driving lesson was proof that I just don't have it in me to drive....
now I'm out $100
I feel like an idiot.
Quote from: Malachite on November 05, 2013, 05:33:36 PM
my 6 hour driving lesson was proof that I just don't have it in me to drive....
now I'm out $100
I feel like an idiot.
Wanna see my stack of 40+ bills for one hour lessons at 40€ each one?
Just had a massive argument with one of my daughters, in which she pretty much told me that her mother was <my birthname> and that as soon as I changed my name, her mother died and I'm just a stranger to her.
She said - again - that she can't wait to move away from me. She kept saying that I'm 'dangerous', but could give no reasons why she might think that, and no examples of ways in which I endanger her. Why? Because there aren't any!
I asked her what makes her feel that way, and the best she could come up with is that she wouldn't want to be under my roof when I find a new partner (who would obviously be a gay man) because the idea grosses her out. When pressed, she didn't have any qualms about her dad entering into a new relationship (which would obviously be hetero). Because obviously that would be normal, wouldn't it? But she insists she isn't homophobic! ::)
I said she needs to do some serious introspection to figure out why she feels so hateful towards me, especially since she can't give any reasons why she feels this way. She continuously tried to knock me down - and I'll admit, T or no T I did shed a few tears - but I didn't let her get me. Jeez, my family hates it when I don't let them treat me like a punchbag.
Looks like I need to lawyer up, pronto.
Oh, and the trigger for this? We're going to have to put our dog down this week and naturally she's hurting about that so she was lashing out at the easiest target. But attacking me is not going to make her feel better. :(
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 05, 2013, 05:53:34 PM
Wanna see my stack of 40+ bills for one hour lessons at 40€ each one?
A stack of lessons? I'm sure that hurts the wallet. If I go with them again, that will be the price for my lessons. :/
Ouch! It has to get easier sooner or later, FTM diaries.
I can get my car maybe fixed, but not until tomorrow. My mother is most disappointed since I was going to take her to a hair appointment and back to save taxi fare. Honestly, taxi fare costs less for her than gas for my car.
Crud! One of the ends to one of my nipple barbells came off at some point. I cant find it, and because I'm wearing high quality internally threaded jewelry, I cant just pop over to the average piercer and get a new end. Im scared the jewelry will fall out between now and when I can get to my piercer, and I just feel like crying.
At a rehearsal for the Transgender Day of Remembrance service I'm a part of, I learned that this year's dead include a 13-year-old who was hanged. Why are our lives worth so little?
Quote from: LordKAT on November 05, 2013, 06:10:36 PM
Ouch! It has to get easier sooner or later, FTM diaries.
Thanks, I certainly hope it does.
My mom isn't going to make it easy for me to get a moped.....no one in my family is so it looks likeit's all up to me. -sigh-
I have a cut that's red and scabbing up on my left breast and I have no clue how it got there. I hope it doesn't leave a bad scar.
I don't mean to be a bummer, but mopeds are listed as statistically one of the most dangerous forms of transportation, even more dangerous than motorcycles
Just be careful, alert and aware when you ride
Hugs
Getting tired of my mom, she acts like shes god and I'm nothing...
Quote from: Xhianil on November 06, 2013, 08:15:46 AM
Getting tired of my mom, she acts like shes god and I'm nothing...
*BIG HUGS*amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 06, 2013, 08:36:18 AM
*BIG HUGS*
amy
Please just kill her with a huge hug, or any other way...
having to go through the hassle of changing my ostomy bag.
Quote from: V M on November 06, 2013, 06:40:37 AM
I don't mean to be a bummer, but mopeds are listed as statistically one of the most dangerous forms of transportation, even more dangerous than motorcycles
Just be careful, alert and aware when you ride
Hugs
At this point it doesn't matter to me. We all got to die some day.
My father never listen to what I have to say. To him: he's always right and I'm always wrong just because he lived longer.
Ate no lunch...
Have to go to the dmv to renew my permit....I'm paying in change....
Have to wait til Tuesday and hopefully some incoming cash so that I can have my car back to go to work, even if it is only a couple hours a day.
Quote from: Constance on November 06, 2013, 12:39:29 AM
At a rehearsal for the Transgender Day of Remembrance service I'm a part of, I learned that this year's dead include a 13-year-old who was hanged. Why are our lives worth so little?
Willful ignorance + fear + personal insecurity + groupthink = hate.
I'm starting to wonder if I should be packing some heat in my purse.
I'm older than US zipcodes. :(
Quote from: big head horsey-face on November 06, 2013, 06:38:51 PM
I'm older than US zipcodes. :(
That's ok baby, I'm older than dirt! ;D
I want to feel a mutual connection with someone.
- Sister thinks it's a *fantastic* idea to start practicing her guitar and drums at 12AM. We have very thin walls, and I can hear her cackling and talking from the other side at least once a day, so this was no pleasure.
- Being woken up twice last night because of nosebleeds, after managing to fall asleep despite aforementioned sound.
Dreading when I'm going to have to start driving with my dad (at night) when I've been protesting against it, but I have to because I can't keep affording driving lessons. :/
One of my biggest irrational fears came true today! There was a HUGE spider in the toilet! :icon_cry2:
I guess it wasn't all that irrational since it FINALLY HAPPENED! :icon_anger:
Had to cut my nails (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi40.tinypic.com%2F2pyqmaw.jpg&hash=c52ded628dd70ba0d10a7b1c8cabf41c33b376fa) :'( :'( :'( (https://www.susans.org/forums/Smileys/susans/icon_cry2.gif)
Stumped on Natkat's problem. My own braindeath.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 06, 2013, 09:35:40 PM
Had to cut my nails (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi40.tinypic.com%2F2pyqmaw.jpg&hash=c52ded628dd70ba0d10a7b1c8cabf41c33b376fa) :'( :'( :'( (https://www.susans.org/forums/Smileys/susans/icon_cry2.gif)
I can empathize with you on that, my nails often break off and I end up having to cut them :( I've had a great set of French nails going at various times only to have them break off one by one
Very disappointing after caring for them for so long
Quote from: V M on November 06, 2013, 09:52:30 PM
I can empathize with you on that, my nails often break off and I end up having to cut them :( I've had a great set of French nails going at various times only to have them break off one by one
Very disappointing after caring for them for so long
Lucky, wish i had them long enough to break.
I've been taking horrible care of my nails since my little departure back into manhood. I clipped them all when I freaked out. They're finally starting to get long again but they look terrible. :(
They are shiny though. I can't NOT buff them!
The sexual assault workshop was bull->-bleeped-<-; I couldn't get into the LGBT ones, so I had to make do with the normal ones, and when they separated us by gender, I didn't know what to do. I'd have surely outed myself to over 80 people if I had stayed with the women, but not felt comfortable with the men. I did have someone take me aside into the hall (transgendered herself) after explaining to the staff about my situation in low whispers, to finish up everything. I ended up crying in joy at the end and hugging her for a solid 5 minutes at the end.
Also, a few genderqueer people I met today refuse to accept me as female, even when asking them to use female pronouns to refer to me. Is this common with genderqueer people not liking transpeople, or just rare a-holes?
Quote from: Jillian on November 06, 2013, 11:04:41 PM
I've been taking horrible care of my nails since my little departure back into manhood. I clipped them all when I freaked out. They're finally starting to get long again but they look terrible. :(
They are shiny though. I can't NOT buff them!
I ordered some *regular* nail hardener... I was using nutranail bulletproof - but it seems to be a bottom coat with some sort of fiber reinforcement... the only problem is it chips off so easily (and makes the top coat come off too). I liked having shiny nails... but I just cut them all after I broke a couple and gave up. I'll try the hardener (nutranail standard w/ aloe... girls seem to swear by it) and maybe go back to a top coat. I also hate having only a clear coat on - it makes under your nails look dirty when they grow (no matter how clean they are).
Just started my third episode of a certain hormonal cycle, despite having been on T since August.
getting back into male mode to go to work...
13 minutes into my day, already a bad day...
Quote from: Xhianil on November 07, 2013, 07:44:41 AM
13 minutes into my day, already a bad day...
In what way, may i ask.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 07, 2013, 07:59:44 AM
In what way, may i ask.
13 minutes is unlucky... must have been one really BAD minute.
Hope the day looks up from here, Xhianil!
Quote from: LordKAT on November 07, 2013, 07:59:44 AM
In what way, may i ask.
I'll get no lunch today, got yelled at already, and threw up.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 07, 2013, 08:08:20 AMI'll get no lunch today, got yelled at already, and threw up.
You poor thing! Oh my, how I wish I could help. I'd send you my lunch if I could.
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 08:31:01 AM
You poor thing! Oh my, how I wish I could help. I'd send you my lunch if I could.
If i got your lunch and my mom knew id get no dinner either.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 07, 2013, 08:32:37 AMIf i got your lunch and my mom knew id get no dinner either.
I could send that to. I have a theoretically unlimited amount of meals in a week, I can always get food to you if you really needed it.
And that brings up my unhappy abuse of said unlimited all you can eat policy at the dining halls; I eat way too much.
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 08:35:40 AM
I could send that to. I have a theoretically unlimited amount of meals in a week, I can always get food to you if you really needed it.
And that brings up my unhappy abuse of said unlimited all you can eat policy at the dining halls; I eat way too much.
The more food i get the more abuse i get, i learned that the hard way.
So don't, plan out your meals.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 07, 2013, 08:38:07 AMThe more food i get the more abuse i get, i learned that the hard way.
So don't, plan out your meals.
It's so hard though, I just eat whenever I get hungry, 4-5 times a day, and eat a lot every time, or get sad and eat very little of the food I've ordered.
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 08:39:26 AM
It's so hard though, I just eat whenever I get hungry, 4-5 times a day, and eat a lot every time, or get sad and eat very little of the food I've ordered.
That's not the smart thing to do, 3 meals a day plus 2 light snacks is the way to go.
Messed up my post in the truth thread,...again
Quote from: Xhianil on November 07, 2013, 08:41:20 AMThat's not the smart thing to do, 3 meals a day plus 2 light snacks is the way to go.
My brain rarely works when I eat. It's unfortunate; I let impulse take over. I'm surprised my BMI is still in the healthy range with the way I eat. I just feel so fat and don't have the motivation to do anything about it.
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 08:50:06 AM
My brain rarely works when I eat. It's unfortunate; I let impulse take over. I'm surprised my BMI is still in the healthy range with the way I eat. I just feel so fat and don't have the motivation to do anything about it.
Don't do that, you can do it, no offense but you seem to lack self-control hun, you need to work on that.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 07, 2013, 08:54:14 AMDon't do that, you can do it, no offense but you seem to lack self-control hun, you need to work on that.
I know I do, and I shame myself for that.
Some years back, I started getting to know someone online, then things in real life got in the way & I was away for a looong time...it was just as friends, nothing romantic, but my hope to reconnect don't seem likely to be answered. I know it was 'only' online, but I'm an HSP (a Highly Sensitive Person) & feel things more deeply than most people do. All I can think of was the time she wrote, "I so much wanna' meet ya'," and the regret I have that my hiatus has probably ruined any future chance of truly connecting again. And my PC got all virused-up & has been inoperational for years now, so I can't even retrieve our old IMs to give myself some happy recollections. It hurts. And I can't forgive myself for doing something that continues to hurt me. :(
~Valerie
I'm tired and had an argument last night that put me in a terrible mood. I am trying to shake it though, because I have to teach three times today as I am covering for someone.
Watching C-Span to see what the senate is saying about ENDA since the vote is today. Idiot senator is going on about how it attacks religious freedom in this country. BS! >:(
Not surprised but it's still lame. :(
amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 09:33:34 AM
Watching C-Span to see what the senate is saying about ENDA since the vote is today. Idiot senator is going on about how it attacks religious freedom in this country. BS! >:(
Not surprised but it's still lame. :(
amy
Because "the gay is against gawd!" then any legal reasons to promote same sex or trans-anything is againt religious freedom, because we can't let bigots practice in peace, evidently, while they proceed to harass and murder us.
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 09:36:10 AM
Because "the gay is against gawd!" then any legal reasons to promote same sex or trans-anything is againt religious freedom, because we can't let bigots practice in peace, evidently, while they proceed to harass and murder us.
He's ranting about how everything the government does is attacking religion (christianity). He even brought up Obamacare. lol
amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 09:37:57 AM
He's ranting about how everything the government does is attacking religion (christianity). He even brought up Obamacare. lol
amy
They all do that. Or its "unamericanness"
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 09:33:34 AM
Watching C-Span to see what the senate is saying about ENDA since the vote is today. Idiot senator is going on about how it attacks religious freedom in this country. BS! >:(
Not surprised but it's still lame. :(
amy
I wore the uniform years ago and swore to protect the US and uphold the Constitution. Funny, but at the time I had the impression that it was written to cover everyone who wanted to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and not to be parsed out to cover only those who we agree with.
Thanks for the replies but we're taking this thread off topic. I just wanted to share what made me unhappy today. ;)
amy
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 08:58:26 AM
I know I do, and I shame myself for that.
Don't be ashamed, just fix it.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 09:49:34 AMThanks for the replies but we're taking this thread off topic. I just wanted to share what made me unhappy today. ;)
amy
What you shared made me unhappy too.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 07, 2013, 09:53:57 AMDon't be ashamed, just fix it.
Not as easy as it sounds, I also suffer from impulse shopping. But what woman doesn't?
Stifling any meaningful conversation! ???
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 10:02:02 AM
Not as easy as it sounds, I also suffer from impulse shopping. But what woman doesn't?
My wife... though I guess I'm the woman in a lot of ways :angel:
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 10:02:02 AM
What you shared made me unhappy too.
Fair enough.
Quote from: Shantel on November 07, 2013, 10:05:30 AM
Stifling any meaningful conversation! ???
No, this can be discussed here (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,153359.msg1275630.html#msg1275630) in the Politics forum. ;)
amy
Man, was i in a foul mood today. I am sorry for the people who had to endure my shouting and my whining today. I was suffering from terrible mood swings and was constantly yelling how much i hate myself too. I told my teacher to kiss my ass, that's not how i usually am. I usually wouldn't dream of screaming at anyone, but lately i have been rather unwell.
This is how it went for me today:
1.pissed
2.depressed
3.pissed
4.angry!
5.depressed
5.way too upbeat
7.angry!
8.pissed
9.extremely depressed but unable to cry
10.pissed
11.mentally exhausted
Chainsaws and jackhammers next door since 6:45. Still going. Ugh.
My mom came home early.
Just got an e mail firing me and telling me to get out by 10 00
Quote from: big kim on November 07, 2013, 03:20:47 PM
Just got an e mail firing me and telling me to get out by 10 00
Crap, sorry, hon. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: big kim on November 07, 2013, 03:20:47 PM
Just got an e mail firing me and telling me to get out by 10 00
Didn't even have the guts to do it in person. :icon_no:
I'm sorry to hear this Kim. :(
*BIG HUGS*Amy
Starting a war and losing a member. I should have stayed quiet maybe.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 03:22:41 PM
Didn't even have the guts to do it in person. :icon_no:
I'm sorry to hear this Kim. :(
*BIG HUGS*
Amy
Yeaah.... if I got fired over e-mail I'd be pretty confused, just to start. That's really crappy of them. :(
Good luck, Kim!! ♥
My nightmares are coming true. I am failing. Next thing I know I'm broke on the street. And then even my simple dreams of jusy being at college would be crushed.
Got another chance at work,have my job back and somewhere to live again.
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 03:34:36 PM
My nightmares are coming true. I am failing. Next thing I know I'm broke on the street. And then even my simple dreams of jusy being at college would be crushed.
Been the point of on the street and good bye college. It sucks but you can still go. You just have to adjust your timetable a bit. Meanwhile have a furry hug and know you are not alone.
Quote from: Willow on November 07, 2013, 03:34:36 PM
My nightmares are coming true. I am failing. Next thing I know I'm broke on the street. And then even my simple dreams of jusy being at college would be crushed.
I'm sorry things aren't going well Willow. :(
*BIG HUGS*Quote from: big kim on November 07, 2013, 04:13:28 PM
Got another chance at work,have my job back and somewhere to live again.
Yay! I'm really happy for you Kim! :D
Amy
Having a terrible female voice and an unsupportive son. :'(
Amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 04:42:02 PM
Having a terrible female voice and an unsupportive son. :'(
Amy
Ditto that! Great to know that you're not alone isn't it hon?
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 04:42:02 PM
Having a terrible female voice and an unsupportive son. :'(
Amy
I'll ask if my mother will trade "sons" with you.
That this thread is mis-titled, it should be "What horrible drama has overwhelmed you today!"
*Sigh* Amen to that, Auntie Shan.
Being misgendered, but this time repeatedly after correcting the person after every instance of "she" and "her". I know my voice doesn't reach very far and it's plausible if not probably that he just didn't hear me, but that was close as I could get to loud without actually shouting.
That and generally being angry and touchy today, which is why I managed to so loudly and obviously correcte the person anyway. Such a wasted attempt that was, and it feels bad because he was trying to do something for me and had I been heard, I would have come off as sounding rude.
Quote from: Shantel on November 07, 2013, 04:57:18 PM
That this thread is mis-titled, it should be "What horrible drama has overwhelmed you today!"
^This.
Makes me feel like a drama queen. :(
I'm not a drama queen, I'm the BAN Queen! :P
amy
Quote from: Night Haven on November 07, 2013, 05:01:42 PM
*Sigh* Amen to that, Auntie Shan.
Being misgendered, but this time repeatedly after correcting the person after every instance of "she" and "her". I know my voice doesn't reach very far and it's plausible if not probably that he just didn't hear me, but that was close as I could get to loud without actually shouting.
That and generally being angry and touchy today, which is why I managed to so loudly and obviously correcte the person anyway. Such a wasted attempt that was, and it feels bad because he was trying to do something for me and had I been heard, I would have come off as sounding rude.
I understand your feelings about this sort of thing, it seems to be a constant problem for a lot of people here and it's happened to me multiple times, though I don't give a rip about it because I bring it on myself as a non-binary androgyne. I've come to the opinion that some people are just dense and it's best to just blow it off as if it didn't happen, especially if there are other people present. If we insist on some dork gendering us properly in front of others, we are only drawing that much more unwanted attention to ourselves. Best to just walk away and go...Meh!
Amy getting down on herself. Voice isn't the biggest issue, just ask other deep voiced ladies. Kids are an issue but they don't rule you. Be you and they will respect you or they are not worthy of your respect. This doesn't mean unlove them.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 05:04:40 PM
Makes me feel like a drama queen. :(
I'm not a drama queen, I'm the BAN Queen! :P
amy
Alright, I'll get you the royal tiara too.
Amythist stones I take it?
Quote from: LordKAT on November 07, 2013, 05:34:12 PM
Amy getting down on herself. Voice isn't the biggest issue, just ask other deep voiced ladies. Kids are an issue but they don't rule you. Be you and they will respect you or they are not worthy of your respect. This doesn't mean unlove them.
Alright, I'll get you the royal tiara too. Amythist stones I take it?
Yes please, they will go with my dress. ;D
*BIG HUGS*Amy
The Hug Bank (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,149821.0.html) is open for business if anyone needs it. Just for good measure, hugs to everyone, Devlyn
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 05:04:40 PM
^This.
Makes me feel like a drama queen. :(
I'm not a drama queen, I'm the BAN Queen! :P
amy
I'm only trying to commiserate with you Amy. I have a male sounding voice most of the time and one of my sons told me to F-off several years ago, ran away and even changed his last name because he hates me and we haven't seen him in years. You're not alone, so how does that make you a feel like drama queen hon?
Quote from: Shantel on November 07, 2013, 05:48:03 PM
I'm only trying to commiserate with you Amy. I have a male sounding voice most of the time and one of my sons told me to F-off several years ago, ran away and even changed his last name because he hates me and we haven't seen him in years. You're not alone, so how does that make you a feel like drama queen hon?
That's the post I was talking about in my PM. I was being overly sensitive, just ignore me. ;)
Amy
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 05:52:38 PM
That's the post I was talking about in my PM. I was being overly sensitive, just ignore me. ;)
Amy
BS You have every right to feel hurt. Ignoring you isn't the answer.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 07, 2013, 05:54:56 PM
BS You have every right to feel hurt. Ignoring you isn't the answer.
Check out the happy thread, I feel better now. ;)
Amy
I feel drained of energy.
Quote from: big kim on November 07, 2013, 03:20:47 PM
Just got an e mail firing me and telling me to get out by 10 00
Considering how easy it is to fake an email, I would force them to tell me in person. Unless of course I had more to lose by doing so, like if they were offering me extra pay or a good reference if I didn't make a stink about leaving.
I spent an hour at the DMV getting my car registered. Nothing seemed to workout right and even though I got it registered in the end I was still put in a bad mood which has me bummed out.
Quote from: Megumi on November 07, 2013, 06:49:00 PM
I spent an hour at the DMV getting my car registered. Nothing seemed to workout right and even though I got it registered in the end I was still put in a bad mood which has me bummed out.
Perhaps a calming vision:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.photographyblogger.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F05%2Fflower23.jpg&hash=c322858d4ec31cbbf1c8d82c6c5d688bfb3bfd8d)
The DMV can be frustrating.
I was feeling better about myself so I changed my avatar back to my actual face. Then I remembered how homely I am. :'(
Switched back to Karen Gillan, MUCH easier on the eyes. :(
Amy the Drama Queen
My effing TV died... not the "family" one, but the one in the basement hooked up to the wii... where working out is actually possible...
thus ends my effing AWESOME streak of one day of zumba fitness.
Internet connection is extremely slow and keeps breaking for some reason lately
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 07:15:30 PM
I was feeling better about myself so I changed my avatar back to my actual face. Then I remembered how homely I am. :'(
Oh please Amy, no more drama pills for you dear!
Switched back to Karen Gillan, MUCH easier on the eyes. :(
Amy the Drama Queen
Quote from: Shantel on November 07, 2013, 08:07:30 PM
Oh please Amy, no more drama pills for you dear!
Then I better stop taking my honesty pills too because I'm just being honest. :P
Amy
And here I was so happy to see the real you. Maybe when you have a bit more faith in yourself.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 07, 2013, 08:19:30 PM
And here I was so happy to see the real you. Maybe when you have a bit more faith in yourself.
I want you to be happy so I changed it back. :D
Amy
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sidehustlenation.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F02%2Fgod-creating-the-world1.jpg&hash=4ea085e60932f298f108e212b36246a1104c7986)
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 07, 2013, 08:22:14 PM
I want you to be happy so I changed it back. :D
Amy
I can't tell the difference! ;D
Seriously, though! You look good ♥
Trying to fight this insatiable craving for sour cream
Quote from: V M on November 08, 2013, 06:55:04 AM
Trying to fight this insatiable craving for sour cream
Poured over nachos with avocado, with mexican beans and cheese and...
But I've just eaten!!!!
Quote from: Cindy on November 08, 2013, 07:03:34 AM
Poured over nachos with avocado, with mexican beans and cheese and...
But I've just eaten!!!!
Making me hungry for things I don't have.
Yeah, I don't have any sour cream either, I'm just craving it
The problem with sour cream is that it's a rather tasty topping for almost anything
*Drooling just thinking about it*
It's like a drug, if you try it even once you will become addicted
But it's also an eat it now, wear it later kinda thing
ARRRRRGH!!! And now I'm craving an avocado too!!!
Our dog was put down this morning. :'(
She was about 10 years old and was suffering from kidney failure. She's been getting steadily worse over the past week and it seemed like all the joy had been sucked out of her, so we made the heart-wrenching decision to have her euthanised this morning. My kids in particular are devastated because she's the only dog they've had, and she's been with them since they were little.
That's both of our long-term pets put down within 6 months of each other. For the first time ever, we have no pets at all.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 08, 2013, 07:25:47 AM
Our dog was put down this morning. :'(
She was about 10 years old and was suffering from kidney failure. She's been getting steadily worse over the past week and it seemed like all the joy had been sucked out of her, so we made the heart-wrenching decision to have her euthanised this morning. My kids in particular are devastated because she's the only dog they've had, and she's been with them since they were little.
That's both of our long-term pets put down within 6 months of each other. For the first time ever, we have no pets at all.
I'm sorry for your loss, it's never easy to lose someone you love. :'(
*BIG HUGS*Amy
Losing a lifelong pet friend is hard. I hope you and the kids can remember the good times through your sadness.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 08, 2013, 07:25:47 AM
Our dog was put down this morning. :'(
She was about 10 years old and was suffering from kidney failure. She's been getting steadily worse over the past week and it seemed like all the joy had been sucked out of her, so we made the heart-wrenching decision to have her euthanised this morning. My kids in particular are devastated because she's the only dog they've had, and she's been with them since they were little.
That's both of our long-term pets put down within 6 months of each other. For the first time ever, we have no pets at all.
I'm really sorry to hear that! :( I'm not looking forward to my old dog (a 9 year old lab) going - my kids will be devistated too.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 08, 2013, 07:25:47 AM
Our dog was put down this morning. :'(
She was about 10 years old and was suffering from kidney failure. She's been getting steadily worse over the past week and it seemed like all the joy had been sucked out of her, so we made the heart-wrenching decision to have her euthanised this morning. My kids in particular are devastated because she's the only dog they've had, and she's been with them since they were little.
That's both of our long-term pets put down within 6 months of each other. For the first time ever, we have no pets at all.
Always a sad occasion, hugs dear! It seems unfair that our pets lives are so brief in relation to our own since they become family members and love us so unconditionally like no human could, but I suppose it's part of the big plan to keep us in touch with the reality of our own mortality.
So sorry, hon. Hugs, Devlyn
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Fcandle_flame_zps05f4fedd.jpg&hash=6daecf7043991ca72a28261f7cfad76c8cb04521)
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 08, 2013, 07:25:47 AM
Our dog was put down this morning. :'(
She was about 10 years old and was suffering from kidney failure. She's been getting steadily worse over the past week and it seemed like all the joy had been sucked out of her, so we made the heart-wrenching decision to have her euthanised this morning. My kids in particular are devastated because she's the only dog they've had, and she's been with them since they were little.
That's both of our long-term pets put down within 6 months of each other. For the first time ever, we have no pets at all.
Pets become family members, it is very hard and hurts a lot when one is lost
Hugs
Thanks for the kind words & hugs, everyone!
Sorry FTM :'(
My unhappy of the day? freaking kinect. I calculate that I had the minimum 1.8 m range, but sitting. If I have to stand I advance 30 cm and go out of range, plus my screen is so low it gives me neck pain. Plus Star Wars Kinect decided it was a good idea to activate 3d mode without asking me and I had to dig for the 3d active glasses...
Considering buying the zoom lens. I was starting to like Dance Central.
I just got into a heavy argument with our landlady. Uh oh, i hope this won't have consequences.
¿Why do everybody thinks I must be the most desired woman and that guys must be piling and making a line for me? I end my answery usually is... Yeah, try to gues how many hetero or les persons are interestested in "Miss Frankfurt", and ->-bleeped-<-s do not count.
If I wanted sex I could have it every night, but what purpose does it serve if there is nothing else and a complete stranger?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmpe-s1-p.mlstatic.com%2Fshake-weight-de-dama-pesas-para-brazos-torso-y-hombros-951-MPE4730223057_072013-O.jpg&hash=6717e66283f31ebc605caafd1546748a83807b6d)
This seems more useful and simpler.
Edited per Tos 10
Quote10. Bashing or flaming of any individuals or groups is not acceptable behavior on this web site and will not be tolerated in the slightest for any reason. This includes but is not limited to:
Advocating the separation or exclusion of one or more group from under the Transgender umbrella term
Suggesting or claiming that one segment or sub-segment of our community is more legitimate, deserving, or more real than any others
Yahoo won't let me in to my account. Nor will they answer their d**n phone!!!
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 08, 2013, 07:25:47 AM
Our dog was put down this morning. :'(
She was about 10 years old and was suffering from kidney failure. She's been getting steadily worse over the past week and it seemed like all the joy had been sucked out of her, so we made the heart-wrenching decision to have her euthanised this morning. My kids in particular are devastated because she's the only dog they've had, and she's been with them since they were little.
That's both of our long-term pets put down within 6 months of each other. For the first time ever, we have no pets at all.
I am so sorry *hug* our 12 year old died of kidney failure last week. But really....near the end they are not themselves anymore. Putting her to sleep was a kindness on your part.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 08, 2013, 11:46:12 AM¿Why do everybody thinks I must be the most desired woman and that guys must be piling and making a line for me? I end my answery usually is... Yeah, try to gues how many hetero or les persons are interestested in "Miss Frankfurt", and ->-bleeped-<-s do not count.
If I wanted sex I could have it every night, but what purpose does it serve if there is nothing else and a complete stranger?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmpe-s1-p.mlstatic.com%2Fshake-weight-de-dama-pesas-para-brazos-torso-y-hombros-951-MPE4730223057_072013-O.jpg&hash=6717e66283f31ebc605caafd1546748a83807b6d)
This seems more useful and simpler.
If it counts for anything, I think you're cute...
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 08, 2013, 11:46:12 AM
¿Why do everybody thinks I must be the most desired woman and that guys must be piling and making a line for me? I end my answery usually is... Yeah, try to gues how many hetero or les persons are interestested in "Miss Frankfurt", and ->-bleeped-<-s do not count.
If I wanted sex I could have it every night, but what purpose does it serve if there is nothing else and a complete stranger?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmpe-s1-p.mlstatic.com%2Fshake-weight-de-dama-pesas-para-brazos-torso-y-hombros-951-MPE4730223057_072013-O.jpg&hash=6717e66283f31ebc605caafd1546748a83807b6d)
This seems more useful and simpler.
I for example am straight and i only care about the person. What do i care about what is "down there". The chemistry is all that matters.
Maybe you had a bad experience or maybe bad luck, no idea. But there are plenty of men who will love you for being you, a woman, and not for what's down there. I know it's easy for me to say "give up", me not having gender issues or anything else like that, but just hang in there. You're going to find someone. I do know the feeling of being lonely and alone, but i don't think i can even compare in intensity, but yeah, just telling you the truth. I know ->-bleeped-<-s are a problem, but not all men are, luckily.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 08, 2013, 11:49:24 AM
Yahoo won't let me in to my account. Nor will they answer their d**n phone!!!
*HUGS*Amy
Quote from: ZootAllures/BlackNapkins! on November 08, 2013, 01:15:22 PM
But there are plenty of men who will love you for being you, a woman, and not for what's down there
One thing for sure, they are not in in dating sites. I need to get out more.
I have to say it is a very bizarre sounding policy. Five trips per month? Retracting toilet roll?? Auto opening door??? Sounds a bit like a "management joke" (like a "dad joke", but worse). I hope it is, but if it isn't it sounds like protest time!
They said, in the ladies room, the fresh scent dispenser will now require a dime.
And I forgot. No hot water. Just cold in the sinks. How am I supposed to make my cup of instant soup at lunch?
All to just save money and keep us chained to our desks. :(
Your boss isn't Ricky Gervais by any chance?? Sounds like something right out of The Office. Oh well, good luck... :-\
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 08, 2013, 07:25:47 AM
Our dog was put down this morning. :'(
She was about 10 years old and was suffering from kidney failure. She's been getting steadily worse over the past week and it seemed like all the joy had been sucked out of her, so we made the heart-wrenching decision to have her euthanised this morning. My kids in particular are devastated because she's the only dog they've had, and she's been with them since they were little.
That's both of our long-term pets put down within 6 months of each other. For the first time ever, we have no pets at all.
I'm really sorry for your loss :(
Actually, I am not surprised at the electronic and technological improvements being made to restroom facilities. I read somewhere the Japanese developed a public toilet (Western style) that actually incinerates the waste, with an electric current.
I know they make waterless urinals.
Quote from: Jamie de la Rosa on November 08, 2013, 04:52:59 PM
Actually, I am not surprised at the electronic and technological improvements being made to restroom facilities. I read somewhere the Japanese developed a public toilet (Western style) that actually incinerates the waste, with an electric current.
:icon_poke: Be sure to get off the commode first! :icon_yikes: :icon_evil_laugh:
Biggest flaw in Thor 2:
Greenwich isn't on the tube! You have to take the DLR to get there!
Respect the metro systems of the world 8)
Quote from: Shantel on November 08, 2013, 06:05:35 PM
:icon_poke: Be sure to get off the commode first! :icon_yikes: :icon_evil_laugh:
Ouch, talk about electric chair!
Willow, What is DLR?
Thank god we don't have bathroom policies like those!!! I don't think anyone has noticed I haven't stood to pee in well over a month... with that amount of restroom scrutiny I'd be outed in no time! I also try to use the handicap bathroom as much as possible... though lots of people do (we don't have anyone I know of who requires it... and I consider my need to be pretty legit ;)).
Seriously... if that "door swinging open" thing is real, you could easily protest it... but if you work in a place like that, you might not want to (for fear of your job).
My PS3 controller is messing up again.
My laptop battery seems to be messing up even though I just got it replaced several months ago.
I may have to hold off on putting money in my top surgery fund.
I have a persistant cough.
My father is supposed to be taking me driving today. :/
It's cold outside.
Knowing deep down inside that my marriage won't work. :'(
Amy
Jakey got hit by a truck and now he's gone. God, I'm gonna miss coming home everyday to him. I feel like its my fault.
Quote from: of a sort on November 09, 2013, 09:03:34 AM
Jakey got hit by a truck and now he's gone. God, I'm gonna miss coming home everyday to him. I feel like its my fault.
Oh gosh not Jake! He was such an adorable dog! -big hugs-
Quote from: of a sort on November 09, 2013, 09:03:34 AM
Jakey got hit by a truck and now he's gone. God, I'm gonna miss coming home everyday to him. I feel like its my fault.
No way! :'(
Quote from: of a sort on November 09, 2013, 09:03:34 AM
Jakey got hit by a truck and now he's gone. God, I'm gonna miss coming home everyday to him. I feel like its my fault.
I'm sorry for your loss. :'(
*BIG HUGS*Amy
Quote from: of a sort on November 09, 2013, 09:03:34 AM
Jakey got hit by a truck and now he's gone. God, I'm gonna miss coming home everyday to him. I feel like its my fault.
Noooo I'm so sorry Jaime, wish I could be there with you right now hon. xox ~Shan~
My fairly new laptop battery isn't holding it's charge. :/
Quote from: of a sort on November 09, 2013, 09:03:34 AM
Jakey got hit by a truck and now he's gone. God, I'm gonna miss coming home everyday to him. I feel like its my fault.
Big hug! I'm so sorry, hon. Hugs, Devlyn
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Fcandle_flame_zps05f4fedd.jpg&hash=6daecf7043991ca72a28261f7cfad76c8cb04521)
Quote from: Willow on November 08, 2013, 06:32:47 PM
Biggest flaw in Thor 2:
Greenwich isn't on the tube! You have to take the DLR to get there!
Respect the metro systems of the world 8)
Perhaps they're assuming that the DLR is a pre-metro? :-\
Tired of Transphobic attitudes while hidding behind a keyboard.
Apparently, sub-humans pissed off ranting that the "dating sites are filled with transexxuals and they don't want to have dates with dudes"
Heck, ¿where are them? Send them to me!
>:(
My wife and oldest son were having a very homophobic conversation and confirmed how close-minded/ignorant they can be. :'(
If my marriage ends, I'll never be able to find anyone else to love me. :'(
Apparently, I'm also a drama queen. :(
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 12:13:23 PM
If my marriage ends, I'll never be able to find anyone else to love me. :'(
Apparently, I'm also a drama queen. :(
There are people who LOVE the drama out there, too!! :D (I listen to OutQ on SiriusXM and anyone who can be married to Frank DeCaro... ;))
I used to like laid back and quiet... but that's who
I am. I think I'll need someone outgoing and exciting (maybe not
too active... zzzzz)... if I find anyone myself. It's a looong ways off . . .
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 12:01:24 PM
My wife and oldest son were having a very homophobic conversation and confirmed how close-minded/ignorant they can be. :'(
Sadly, that usually makes educating them hard. Can you speak to your son alone and actually converse with him?
Aren't drama queens the best movie actresses? Also
if your marriage ends, you have many at Susan's who still love you.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 09, 2013, 12:29:52 PM
Sadly, that usually makes educating them hard. Can you speak to your son alone and actually converse with him?
They're generally not homophobic but they were being homophobic and I tried to point that out to both of them and they just dismissed what I was saying. :(
QuoteAren't drama queens the best movie actresses? Also if your marriage ends, you have many at Susan's who still love you.
I know there are a few but I won't ever have a romantic relationship again and I don't think I'm strong enough to be alone forever. :'(
Hardly no one wants to play missions with me on gta v online. It's quite frustrating because missions are extremely hard to do on their own usually.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 12:33:18 PM
They're generally not homophobic but they were being homophobic and I tried to point that out to both of them and they just dismissed what I was saying. :(
I know there are a few but I won't ever have a romantic relationship again and I don't think I'm strong enough to be alone forever. :'(
You are in a low place right now and can't see that you won't be alone forever. Romance that lasts tends to sneak up on a person.
I'm pushing everyone I care about away by being me and being upset. :icon_cry2:
Aw, come sit with me. I promise not to pinch or tickle. Hugs, Devlyn
Feeling so crummy and pushing everyone away.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 09, 2013, 01:38:52 PM
Aw, come sit with me. I promise not to pinch or tickle. Hugs, Devlyn
And I'll only tickle!! :o
Quote from: TanyaW on November 09, 2013, 01:45:52 PM
Feeling so crummy and pushing everyone away.
Big hug! You can sit on the Group W bench with me, too. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: kabit on November 09, 2013, 01:48:59 PM
And I'll only tickle!! :o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O58q19dH8F4&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3NE6UuaLiY
^That's about how I'm feeling, anyhow...
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 01:26:44 PM
I'm pushing everyone I care about away by being me and being upset. :icon_cry2:
If thats true, how come we are all still here.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 09, 2013, 02:21:08 PM
If thats true, how come we are all still here.
You feel obligated to making me feel better? IDK. :icon_shrug_no:
Quote from: LordKAT on November 09, 2013, 02:21:08 PM
If thats true, how come we are all still here.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 02:23:51 PM
You feel obligated to making me feel better? IDK. :icon_shrug_no:
[Three Stooges] For duty and humanity! [/Stooges]
QuoteYou have exceeded the limit of 20 personal messages per hour.
>:( :'(
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 03:06:38 PM
>:( :'(
Wow... type more per message ;) LOL!
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 02:23:51 PM
You feel obligated to making me feel better? IDK. :icon_shrug_no:
I hope your evening improves!!
Quote from: kabit on November 09, 2013, 03:43:14 PM
Wow... type more per message ;) LOL!
>:(
QuoteI hope your evening improves!!
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,139969.msg1277712.html#msg1277712
Still not great but I'm feeling a little bit better, thanks. :)
gosh amelia, i am also struggling with maintaining my relationship and balance of moving forward with expressing who i am. my wife feels I am hiding stuff but she is combative when i tell her that only trickle information. i know it is only feeding her furry but I have to pick and choose y battles. I have moved into the guest room and only hope it will help. she is very homophobic and i am not sure of the outcome but will continue to try anyway. my daughter is being very supportive and that just about killed her. i am going try a family therapist to see if we can start building some common ground to keep our relationship intact. hope you can find a solution and i will keep you abreast of how this working out for me. but I am also in a very tough spot with my relationship and my transition
xo Jerri
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 09, 2013, 03:45:58 PM
>:(
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,139969.msg1277712.html#msg1277712
Still not great but I'm feeling a little bit better, thanks. :)
I'm glad!
I think I'm in a similar family situation... perhaps you're a lot like me - easy to love others, not necessarily that easy to love (plus... trans* ;) ha :(). Good luck with the family you have and I hope you find companionship later on, too!!!!
Having to endure the soap opera.
Quote from: of a sort on November 09, 2013, 09:03:34 AM
Jakey got hit by a truck and now he's gone. God, I'm gonna miss coming home everyday to him. I feel like its my fault.
So sorry to hear about Jake :'( He seemed such a wonderful little guy
Hugs
That's the third dog (I presume Jake is a dog) on Susan's that I've heard has died in the last week. :'( :'( *hug*
Got absolutely poured upon on my Sunday bike ride. It was chucking down and flooding in places.
Not happy. Oh well still did 60k. We do need the rain though as it has been very dry and hot.
Thanks y'all. Jake was my first and only dog. I never thought I would get so attached to a little crazy hyper critter as much as I have. Still crying and everywhere I look there is some reminder of him around the house. one time today when I did doze off for a few minutes, I woke and started to go look for him. I am glad my brother and his gf and daughter were here this morning, they helped me with him. They helped bury him.
I just miss the little guy laying there next to me or bugging me for candy or wanting me to throw stuff for him to get.
so sorry
I have many critters around here they as much family as the people,
best we can do remember the good as time passes and we can accept what is
Jerri
Quote from: of a sort on November 09, 2013, 05:01:26 PM
Thanks y'all. Jake was my first and only dog. I never thought I would get so attached to a little crazy hyper critter as much as I have. Still crying and everywhere I look there is some reminder of him around the house. one time today when I did doze off for a few minutes, I woke and started to go look for him. I am glad my brother and his gf and daughter were here this morning, they helped me with him. They helped bury him.
I just miss the little guy laying there next to me or bugging me for candy or wanting me to throw stuff for him to get.
It's so sad hon, hope you'll consider another pup in the near future, it will take away the pain, Jake would approve. My dog has been my best buddy, we have a regular routine starting at 0500 each day, he isn't going to let me be a lame ass and sleep in. Dogs are great companions, even for old broads. :)
I put down a yellow lab in 2010, he was eleven. I would have driven around crying and listening to loud music, but I had to get home to the other yellow lab. He's nine now. Just like you, Shan, they've gotten me out of bed before 6 AM for over a decade! I love dogs. Hugs to everyone and their pets! Devlyn
Trying to decide whether this should go here or on the "What are you thinking?" thread. I suppose it's better suited to go here.
*Sigh* I just don't like talking, and even explaining that I don't want to speak is too much of an effort to put forth. I was going to say something about this when I'm out to everyone in the house, explaining that I don't like my voice and as such won't be bothering to speak as much as usual.
Thing is - even if I do get a deeper voice after T, I don't think I'll be that much more comfortable with speaking.
It's not comfortable, I don't feel right doing it... Perhaps because people always expect a verbal response to something; my voice doesn't carry no matter what volume I'm trying to give it (which I doubt will change on T, given that I don't plan to continue it for long, and I always seem to say the wrong thing so I doubt it'd be much better if I did get some more volume with that). It causes more pain to keep repeating myself and then give up than just not talk. Suppose why I like - hell, prefer - ASL, even though I don't know enough for a decent conversation.
*Sigh* Kind of odd, since I tend to babble anyway, and I have reign myself in online.
Edit: Also, misophobia being more of a little bastard than normal.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 09, 2013, 07:06:36 PM
I put down a yellow lab in 2010, he was eleven. I would have driven around crying and listening to loud music, but I had to get home to the other yellow lab. He's nine now. Just like you, Shan, they've gotten me out of bed before 6 AM for over a decade! I love dogs. Hugs to everyone and their pets! Devlyn
Yeah, I had a yellow lab as a kid. Dogs are wonderful, it's a real loss when they finally go. Any pet, for that matter.
Hair, as usual. I utterly loathe having to rely on wigs or extensions. No matter how much I try to care for it or take every possible hair loss solution, I will never recover the volume. Now that my hair is long, the loss of density in a tipilically male pattern is more visible than ever whenever I remove the extension.
I hate everything about being trans, about family genetics, about my family itself.
Happy ->-bleeped-<-*ng Birthday. I did not even now what day it was until they told me. Tomorrow it will be worse, since my family my try to call me. I don't think I will even pick the phone. I'm tired of trying to be something my body denies every second I breathe.
I got deliberately misgendered at work last night by someone I work with.. It won't be happening again..
It's also exactly 6 months since I lost Alison.. I miss her.. :icon_cry2: :icon_cry:
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 09, 2013, 07:18:19 PM
Hair, as usual. I utterly loathe having to rely on wigs or extensions. No matter how much I try to care for it or take every possible hair loss solution, I will never recover the volume. Now that my hair is long, the loss of density in a tipilically male pattern is more visible than ever whenever I remove the extension.
I hate everything about being trans, about family genetics, about my family itself.
Happy ->-bleeped-<-*ng Birthday. I did not even now what day it was until they told me. Tomorrow it will be worse, since my family my try to call me. I don't think I will even pick the phone. I'm tired of trying to be something my body denies every second I breathe.
Apple,
You may think this is only your ->-bleeped-<-pile, guess agin sweetheart, we all suffer from the same things, you are not alone and we all care for you because you are us.
Life.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 09, 2013, 11:07:42 PM
Life.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi341.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fo377%2Fsammyshockthemonkey%2Fihugzyou.jpg&hash=6efb1ff75e8edee0e6fb710b9ff7ac12f4b21858)
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 09, 2013, 04:58:07 PM
Got absolutely poured upon on my Sunday bike ride. It was chucking down and flooding in places.
Not happy. Oh well still did 60k. We do need the rain though as it has been very dry and hot.
Ahh Sydney siders got washed, I thought the pong had improved!
Runs away to her rock and crawls under
Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on November 09, 2013, 09:19:02 PM
I got deliberately misgendered at work last night by someone I work with.. It won't be happening again..
It's also exactly 6 months since I lost Alison.. I miss her.. :icon_cry2: :icon_cry:
Hugs Sis
A terrible thought came to mind, a negative response from my parents that may occur:
"We still love you no matter what, but we won't support you. You'll have to go through college as a man, and then use a job after that to finance your transition"
Doesn't help when the effects of dysphoria are causing severe harm to my grades.
You can always start in college
without their knowledge.
Heehee, I made a rhyme.
Major dysphoria attack.
Need a release from it and all my coping mechanisms are gone. Even trying to use them (I ate a donut :P amongst other things) fails.
I just want to run away, but I know it won't help.
When I was finally considering driving to church, my mom now has to help take others to church so I can't drive there to get used to driving.....
Quote from: kabit on November 10, 2013, 07:10:10 AM
Major dysphoria attack.
Need a release from it and all my coping mechanisms are gone. Even trying to use them (I ate a donut :P amongst other things) fails.
I just want to run away, but I know it won't help.
Don't beat up on yourself Kabit. Look at it like this, if a toddler learning to walk fell and bonked her head on a coffee table and just lay there crying and became fearful and didn't get back up, she'd never learn to walk. Get up Kabit, you'll be ok hon!
Quote from: LordKAT on November 10, 2013, 12:28:26 AMYou can always start in college
without their knowledge.
Heehee, I made a rhyme.
That's what I'm trying to do. But money is an issue. To quote my dad's words from last night exactly: "I don't want you working, I want you studying!" even though I have Fridays free next semestre.
Quote from: Shantel on November 10, 2013, 08:43:14 AM
Don't beat up on yourself Kabit. Look at it like this, if a toddler learning to walk fell and bonked her head on a coffee table and just lay there crying and became fearful and didn't get back up, she'd never learn to walk. Get up Kabit, you'll be ok hon!
Thanks :D It just takes time for it to pass me by... it's just that these are almost daily.
I'm REALLY hoping AA's help this... and I feel positive E will... that much I think my parents are starting to understand, at least.
Awful night out yesterday. At home cleaning the clutter of small printed things that litter the whole place and I keep procrastinating on classifying them.
Well, It's nearly the 18th hour of my birthday (not that I am happy about it), and my family has not even tried to contact me. I sent an SMS to my father giging my home number in case the grandparents wanted to talk with me as other years, but I have gotteng no answer. It's nearly a month and despite how toxic they are to me, I still feel disappointed and suffering.
I feel completely alone more than ever. If at least I could go back to work.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 10, 2013, 10:38:18 AM
Well, It's nearly the 18th hour of my birthday (not that I am happy about it), and my family has not even tried to contact me. I sent an SMS to my father giging my home number in case the grandparents wanted to talk with me as other years, but I have gotteng no answer. It's nearly a month and despite how toxic they are to me, I still feel disappointed and suffering.
I feel completely alone more than ever. If at least I could go back to work.
This family just has! :icon_birthday:
I feel like I often get skipped over on the photo posting threads...wish I knew why...
Being confused about too many different interconnecting things. :(
Some reason, I'm just in a down funk. Probably because the more I empty my house, the more the loss of my home and privacy sinks in.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 10, 2013, 02:25:46 PM
Some reason, I'm just in a down funk. Probably because the more I empty my house, the more the loss of my home and privacy sinks in.
*BIG HUGS*
Quote from: LordKAT on November 10, 2013, 02:25:46 PM
Some reason, I'm just in a down funk. Probably because the more I empty my house, the more the loss of my home and privacy sinks in.
Feel better KAT! It sounds like lots of us are funked out today :(
Mind fog rolling in and I still have a lot of work to do. Somehow it always seems worse if I've been listening to music or watching videos. I'll need to step outside soon.
Feeling like my avatar. :icon_cry2:
I'm told I can't have a job while I'm at school. Without a job, I don't have money. Without money, I can't finance the start beginning transition. When I can't begin transition, my depression worsens. When my depression worsens I start to do poorly academically. When I do poorly academically, I get depressed all over again and fail out of school. I Don't want to do that. Getting a job solves all that but dad doesn't understand. He can't understand yet. How should I tell him? Should I go behind his back and get a job anyways? I'm so lost and confused.
Trying so hard to keep it together for everyone, pretending I'm ok, when really I feel like I'm going to fall apart at any moment.
Quote from: Joe. on November 10, 2013, 04:51:19 PM
Trying so hard to keep it together for everyone, pretending I'm ok, when really I feel like I'm going to fall apart at any moment.
I know how that is. :icon_cry2:
*HUGS*
Quote from: Joe. on November 10, 2013, 04:51:19 PMTrying so hard to keep it together for everyone, pretending I'm ok, when really I feel like I'm going to fall apart at any moment.
The past 4 years of my life, and a good amount of everyone on here's lives.
Quote from: spacerace on November 10, 2013, 05:11:14 PM
I haven't gone 24 hours without consuming MJ in over 6 months. Every morning I wake up and say 'none today' and yet once again I failed to stop myself. It's not physically addicting, yet it is affecting my life, and I always find a reason why one more day is okay. I am so unhappy with myself.
I'm trying to google MJ, and you are either eating the remains of Michael Jackson, or Pot Brownies...
It's well past bed time and I haven't washed my extension. Since I've been at least two days without using it holed up at home, I think it should last one more day before cleaning it...
6 breakfasts made,18 rooms bedding & towels cleared from rooms,4 rooms cleaned started 09 10 finally sat down for first meal of day at 18 30.My sciatica,cellulitis & knee cartilage is killing me.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 10, 2013, 05:23:51 PM
I'm trying to google MJ, and you are either eating the remains of Michael Jackson, or Pot Brownies...
Lol the first thing I thought was "Michael Jackson" too.
Quote from: caleb. on November 10, 2013, 05:48:46 PM
Lol the first thing I thought was "Michael Jackson" too.
I'd say Mary Jane (Watson)... but she's a euphemism too!
I'm thinking of just giving up on everything. I don't appear at all what I am inside. On the inside, I am creative, warm, loving, emotional, delicate, motherly, and exquisite. On the outside, I am intimidating, rude, vile, rigid, and repulsive. Even if I change my appearance to female, my bad feelings still follow. Like I'm expected to be all those bad things.
Everything is so frustrating, it feels like I can't get anything right and will never be deserving of anything nice. Sometimes I feel hallucinational, like I am yelling "MAKE IT STOP!" to myself even though I can change nothing.
I don't even know where I'm going with this.
Quote from: kabit on November 10, 2013, 05:54:37 PM
I'd say Mary Jane (Watson)... but she's a euphemism too!
I'd take her every day for 6 months. ;)
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 06:05:53 PM
I'm thinking of just giving up on everything. I don't appear at all what I am inside. On the inside, I am creative, warm, loving, emotional, delicate, motherly, and exquisite. On the outside, I am intimidating, rude, vile, rigid, and repulsive. Even if I change my appearance to female, my bad feelings still follow. Like I'm expected to be all those bad things.
Everything is so frustrating, it feels like I can't get anything right and will never be deserving of anything nice. Sometimes I feel hallucinational, like I am yelling "MAKE IT STOP!" to myself even though I can change nothing.
I don't even know where I'm going with this.
I can tell you one thing Willow. The more progress I make in my transition, the better I generally feel. Most of my negative traits like anger, depression, being socially inept and probably a few other, went away. Now all of my positive traits come out and I don't have the same problems that I did before.
I know part of your problem is that you can't afford to transition right now but if you hang in there, one day you can and Willow will come out in all of her glory and leave "him" behind her. :)
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 06:05:53 PM
I'm thinking of just giving up on everything. I don't appear at all what I am inside. On the inside, I am creative, warm, loving, emotional, delicate, motherly, and exquisite. On the outside, I am intimidating, rude, vile, rigid, and repulsive. Even if I change my appearance to female, my bad feelings still follow. Like I'm expected to be all those bad things.
Everything is so frustrating, it feels like I can't get anything right and will never be deserving of anything nice. Sometimes I feel hallucinational, like I am yelling "MAKE IT STOP!" to myself even though I can change nothing.
I don't even know where I'm going with this.
Relax, take a deep breath, it's going to get better hon and you're going to be ok.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 10, 2013, 06:11:10 PMI can tell you one thing Willow. The more progress I make in my transition, the better I generally feel. Most of my negative traits like anger, depression, being socially inept and probably a few other, went away. Now all of my positive traits come out and I don't have the same problems that I did before.
I know part of your problem is that you can't afford to transition right now but if you hang in there, one day you can and Willow will come out in all of her glory and leave "him" behind her. :)
I know my anger comes from testosterone. depression and social ineptitude from dysphoria. I already fixed my balance by just walking normally instead of trying to fake a "masculine" walk.
I can't even afford to start. With dad saying that I can't have a job (and even if my family is accepting they likely won't give me any money for it) and a quickly diminishing number in my checking account, I won't even be able to afford food during Thanksgiving break. Hanging in there is so hard to do, especially when it causes depression and my grades to suffer, my mind and body with them.
Quote from: Shantel on November 10, 2013, 06:17:51 PMRelax, take a deep breath, it's going to get better hon and you're going to be ok.
But when? The sooner the better, lest I destroy myself through destructive processes because I'm to that point where I just can't handle it anymore.
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 06:19:52 PM
I know my anger comes from testosterone. depression and social ineptitude from dysphoria. I already fixed my balance by just walking normally instead of trying to fake a "masculine" walk.
I can't even afford to start. With dad saying that I can't have a job (and even if my family is accepting they likely won't give me any money for it) and a quickly diminishing number in my checking account, I won't even be able to afford food during Thanksgiving break. Hanging in there is so hard to do, especially when it causes depression and my grades to suffer, my mind and body with them.But when? The sooner the better, lest I destroy myself through destructive processes because I'm to that point where I just can't handle it anymore.
I've found that these things are just life's tests, the crucible in which we are refined to get better at what we aspire to become. There are those who refuse to endure this phase and check out, it's unfortunate and makes the rest of us miserable for a short while, but we continue on because "We are the champion"s like Freddy Mercury sings. You have everything it takes to be a champion and a winner, set your resolve to get through it and change the tape that's currently running in your head. We're here for you Willow! Feel free to pm me anytime.
Quote from: Shantel on November 10, 2013, 06:32:08 PMI've found that these things are just life's tests, the crucible in which we are refined to get better at what we aspire to become. There are those who refuse to endure this phase and check out, it's unfortunate and makes the rest of us miserable for a short while, but we continue on because "We are the champion"s like Freddy Mercury sings. You have everything it takes to be a champion and a winner, set your resolve to get through it and change the tape that's currently running in your head. We're here for you Willow! Feel free to pm me anytime.
I'm trying to push through so hard, but I feel emotionally overwhelmed. Just ready to shut down and let it pass. But that doesn't work. I need something, just that boost to get me over, and I'm afraid I'll choose the wrong one and spiral down.
I'm not saying all this about transition, I'm also saying this about life; I need the former to properly function in the latter.
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 06:45:01 PM
I'm trying to push through so hard, but I feel emotionally overwhelmed. Just ready to shut down and let it pass. But that doesn't work. I need something, just that boost to get me over, and I'm afraid I'll choose the wrong one and spiral down.
I'm not saying all this about transition, I'm also saying this about life; I need the former to properly function in the latter.
If you are coming under familial pressure perhaps you need to put a little of this burning passion that we all have on the back burner for a short while so that you can complete your eduction and become upwardly mobile and out on your own and pick up where you left off. You will either have to be pragmatic about this or suffer the consequences like so many here who live off a government dole and will never realize the fullness of their dreams. The choice is yours honey.
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 06:45:01 PM
I'm trying to push through so hard, but I feel emotionally overwhelmed. Just ready to shut down and let it pass. But that doesn't work. I need something, just that boost to get me over, and I'm afraid I'll choose the wrong one and spiral down.
I'm not saying all this about transition, I'm also saying this about life; I need the former to properly function in the latter.
I can't offer any specific things you can do. I totally feel for what you're going through - it sounds like the problem I've got (though worse?). I somehow learned to cope for years, and now that's gone.
I can say that, if you can bide, cope as much as possible, and get through the tough times... what follows will be absolutely amazing. You'll look back on these times and be proud of your strength and your accomplishments. Take each day on its own and make your way to that point you need to get to.
Until then... why not look for a job for that Friday off? The worst that can happen is that you'll get one!
Stay strong!!
♥ ♥
Quote from: Shantel on November 10, 2013, 06:53:30 PMIf you are coming under familial pressure perhaps you need to put a little of this burning passion that we all have on the back burner for a short while so that you can complete your eduction and become upwardly mobile and out on your own and pick up where you left off. You will either have to be pragmatic about this or suffer the consequences like so many here who live off a government dole and will never realize the fullness of their dreams. The choice is yours honey.
Sooner is better, because my grades will suffer until this gets fixed.
I don't even know how to tell my family. So that's really the next step. I had an idea, but lost it. When I visit the LGBT resource centre at school there may be some sort of resource to help out.
Quote from: kabit on November 10, 2013, 06:58:51 PMI can't offer any specific things you can do. I totally feel for what you're going through - it sounds like the problem I've got (though worse?). I somehow learned to cope for years, and now that's gone.
I can say that, if you can bide, cope as much as possible, and get through the tough times... what follows will be absolutely amazing. You'll look back on these times and be proud of your strength and your accomplishments. Take each day on its own and make your way to that point you need to get to.
Until then... why not look for a job for that Friday off? The worst that can happen is that you'll get one!
Stay strong!! ♥ ♥
I've been trying to cope for 4 years. I can't go much longer. I just feel like I want to make some headway in transition, an it'll help immensly. Would I be correct in thinking that?
Accomplishments are not much at this time. My scores are at an all time low. I think I've realized something about myself and it's let everything unwind, in the most negative way possible.
And my dad gets angry at me for getting a job that's "taking up study time"
Quote from: spacerace on November 10, 2013, 07:12:10 PM
MJ means marijuana...
as in...for the last 6 months, if I am awake, there is a 85% chance I am high.
By posting about this, I want to publicly shame myself into getting over this incredibly silly problem of being unable to make myself stop smoking marijuana. It is not addictive, yet it is negatively impacting my life. Marijuana is less harmful than alcohol - I'm just really lame.(and bipolar) but I need to fix this asap before my therapist makes me do something that will cost money to try and stop smoking it. I don't think I could live that down to myself if I have to get help for a marijuana addiction issue.
I've never taken it... but that sounds like an addiction to me. It's not always the substance itself that's addictive. Alcohol is not addictive yet there are plenty of addicts. Bad food is not addictive, but obesity is an epidemic.
If you can't kick it yourself... get some help!!
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 07:17:18 PM
Sooner is better, because my grades will suffer until this gets fixed.
I don't even know how to tell my family. So that's really the next step. I had an idea, but lost it. When I visit the LGBT resource centre at school there may be some sort of resource to help out.
I've been trying to cope for 4 years. I can't go much longer. I just feel like I want to make some headway in transition, an it'll help immensly. Would I be correct in thinking that?
Accomplishments are not much at this time. My scores are at an all time low. I think I've realized something about myself and it's let everything unwind, in the most negative way possible.
And my dad gets angry at me for getting a job that's "taking up study time"
I don't like to give specific advice, but it sounds like you know what you need to do! You need help with therapy and HRT and either you tell your family or, if you don't think that will work out well, you need to get that help on your own. The LGBT center must have those resources?
Quote from: kabit on November 10, 2013, 07:31:51 PMI don't like to give specific advice, but it sounds like you know what you need to do! You need help with therapy and HRT and either you tell your family or, if you don't think that will work out well, you need to get that help on your own. The LGBT center must have those resources?
I'm waiting on some time to call the two therapists I was referred to, and waiting on my psychiatrist to send a referral to the doctor on campus that deals with trans students. The former I plan on doing tomorrow, along with the referral for the ADHD testing I was given (and the 5 clinics referred to.) Also, I wanted to check out the place that does laser that a friend told me about (fortunately, free consultations, I can't even afford one treatment right now, let alone the 5 or 6 required for full hair removal.) And I have all those meetings now, one seeing if I can have the professorial assistantship (making $1250 a semestre, 8-10 hours worked a week, and I get to choose where I want to go and what hours I want,) a meeting with the College of Arts and Letters to find out what "experience architecture" is, and then a meeting with the Department of Geography to see about a minor in GIS, whatever that is.
Looks like another busy week.
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 07:41:58 PM
I'm waiting on some time to call the two therapists I was referred to, and waiting on my psychiatrist to send a referral to the doctor on campus that deals with trans students. The former I plan on doing tomorrow, along with the referral for the ADHD testing I was given (and the 5 clinics referred to.) Also, I wanted to check out the place that does laser that a friend told me about (fortunately, free consultations, I can't even afford one treatment right now, let alone the 5 or 6 required for full hair removal.) And I have all those meetings now, one seeing if I can have the professorial assistantship (making $1250 a semestre, 8-10 hours worked a week, and I get to choose where I want to go and what hours I want,) a meeting with the College of Arts and Letters to find out what "experience architecture" is, and then a meeting with the Department of Geography to see about a minor in GIS, whatever that is.
Looks like another busy week.
I'm sure it seems overwhelming, but it sounds like you have it really well in hand! Be strong! Good luck!
GIS must be Gender Identity Studies .... or some geology thing.
Read about a guy that hqd an allucination seeing a black humanoid shadow rynning towards him while alone at tome.
Now hidden under the blqnket scared Nd crying. CNt sleep.
Quote from: kabit on November 10, 2013, 07:48:15 PMI'm sure it seems overwhelming, but it sounds like you have it really well in hand! Be strong! Good luck!
GIS must be Gender Identity Studies .... or some geology thing.
It's in my hands, but I am unable to touch it. That's what it feels like.
I think it's Geographical Information Systems, but I'm not sure. I may like to take a gender studies class, I'll see about adding that too.
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 04:30:07 PM
I'm told I can't have a job while I'm at school. Without a job, I don't have money. Without money, I can't finance the start beginning transition. When I can't begin transition, my depression worsens. When my depression worsens I start to do poorly academically. When I do poorly academically, I get depressed all over again and fail out of school. I Don't want to do that. Getting a job solves all that but dad doesn't understand. He can't understand yet. How should I tell him? Should I go behind his back and get a job anyways? I'm so lost and confused.
You need to break the circle somewhere. Personally, I encouraged my kids to have extracurricular activities. Some played sports, some worked, some volunteered. Actually, depending on the season, they all did all of those things.
I hope it all works out Willow.
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 08:13:31 PM
It's in my hands, but I am unable to touch it. That's what it feels like.
I think it's Geographical Information Systems, but I'm not sure. I may like to take a gender studies class, I'll see about adding that too.
It will come in time!!!
♥
My father didn't answer a couple of questions I had about driving. He said those were sarcastic and dumb questinos and that if I didn't know the answer to them, then I shouldn't be driving. It made me feel stupid and not want to drive even more. :/
Quote from: Malachite on November 10, 2013, 09:08:35 PM
My father didn't answer a couple of questions I had about driving. He said those were sarcastic and dumb questinos and that if I didn't know the answer to them, then I shouldn't be driving. It made me feel stupid and not want to drive even more. :/
*HUGS* I'm sorry your dad is being so difficult. :(
Quote from: Malachite on November 10, 2013, 09:08:35 PM
My father didn't answer a couple of questions I had about driving. He said those were sarcastic and dumb questinos and that if I didn't know the answer to them, then I shouldn't be driving. It made me feel stupid and not want to drive even more. :/
I taught all four of my kids to drive - my wife couldn't handle the stress!!
I will be glad to answer your questions.
Quote from: Jamie de la Rosa on November 10, 2013, 08:47:13 PMYou need to break the circle somewhere. Personally, I encouraged my kids to have extracurricular activities. Some played sports, some worked, some volunteered. Actually, depending on the season, they all did all of those things.
I hope it all works out Willow.
Yeah, dad says I should be studying, sleeping, eating, or in class. Haven't told him about all the clubs I'm in and the necessity of a job I need.
Quote from: kabit on November 10, 2013, 08:52:34 PMIt will come in time!!! ♥
As you probably are too, I'm incredibly anxious and can't wait to start, the sooner the better. I believe you probably have he exact same feeling.
Quote from: Malachite on November 10, 2013, 09:08:35 PMMy father didn't answer a couple of questions I had about driving. He said those were sarcastic and dumb questinos and that if I didn't know the answer to them, then I shouldn't be driving. It made me feel stupid and not want to drive even more. :/
If it helps, you can ask me. Hell, I even know it's legal to drive a tractor on an interstate highway in Florida without a license (because I got the question wrong :( )
Quote from: Willow on November 10, 2013, 09:26:37 PM
Yeah, dad says I should be studying, sleeping, eating, or in class. Haven't told him about all the clubs I'm in and the necessity of a job I need.As you probably are too, I'm incredibly anxious and can't wait to start, the sooner the better. I believe you probably have he exact same feeling.If it helps, you can ask me. Hell, I even know it's legal to drive a tractor on an interstate highway in Florida without a license (because I got the question wrong :( )
That was an unfair question!
I learned how to drive on a tractor at the age of 12.
Quote from: Jamie de la Rosa on November 10, 2013, 09:37:32 PMThat was an unfair question!
I learned how to drive on a tractor at the age of 12.
It was, it was stupid, completely irrelevant to car driving (I got another one about semis and what lights I need to put on them) and overall a stupid law (or lack thereof) in the first place.
Last night my mom gave me some testosterone cream and said if I use it every day it will cure me..... I'm not going to use the stuff ever. About that we'll support you no matter what thing, can't help but notice the support I get is to not transition or tell anyone so people aren't inconvienced.... I understand not wanting things to change but dang how about some compassion to see how would it feel if you were in my shoes.
At least today is a new day and some good things should happen this evening so I have something positive to look forward too.
That's unfortunate, Meg. It really sounded like your parents had your back before. Wonder if they are just confused. Best of luck to deal with them.
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Feel like I'm going to throw up... Got a hour of very broken sleep... Have a migraine... The list goes on...
Quote from: Megumi on November 11, 2013, 07:46:00 AM
Last night my mom gave me some testosterone cream and said if I use it every day it will cure me..... I'm not going to use the stuff ever. About that we'll support you no matter what thing, can't help but notice the support I get is to not transition or tell anyone so people aren't inconvienced.... I understand not wanting things to change but dang how about some compassion to see how would it feel if you were in my shoes.
At least today is a new day and some good things should happen this evening so I have something positive to look forward too.
That stuff is expensive, right? Sell it. As for your mom, she's dumb if she thinks you'll be "cured".
- I'm slowly swimming out of my depth.
- Trying to figure out what to do is making me feel like I have to leave here.
- I feel lousy.
- Not getting enough sleep. :icon_zombie:
- Waking up with a severe headache. :icon_headache:
- Telling my wife that I want a divorce for the second/final time. :'(
What's up with all the girls wearing Hunter rainboots? And how do they afford a pair of $125 shoes? How can I get some of those for less, a lot less; they're cute.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 10, 2013, 09:13:03 PM
*HUGS* I'm sorry your dad is being so difficult. :(
-hugs- Thanks Amelia. :( I just wish he would actually take the time to listen to me instead of criticizing me for once instead of acting like Mr. "I know everything and you know nothing."
@ Jamie D and Willow I asked him what does a road sign mean when it's looks like a sideways capital T ( Kind of like l- ) and is it illegal to always keep your high beams on?
My father makes me feel like an idiot and that it's wrong to ask questions. He never answers any of them and he told me that he didn't want to hear another word from me and to keep driving. I just wish he was more caring.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 11, 2013, 10:09:43 AM
- Telling my wife that I want a divorce for the second/final time. :'(
:embarrassed:
Quote from: Malachite on November 11, 2013, 10:45:29 AM@ Jamie D and Willow I asked him what does a road sign mean when it's looks like a sideways capital T ( Kind of like l- ) and is it illegal to always keep your high beams on?
My father makes me feel like an idiot and that it's wrong to ask questions. He never answers any of them and he told me that he didn't want to hear another word from me and to keep driving. I just wish he was more caring.
That sign means that there's a T intersection ahead, most likely it's not very visible, so it's marked for safety reasons.
As for high beams, I don't know about illegality, but when there's oncoming traffic, for safety reasons, it's best to turn them off until they've all passed.
I get that feeling too, like I can't ask questions because it means I don't know what I'm doing and don't have control, two things I claim to have.
Support group today and I'm running late at everything today. Could not have lunch until 16:00 end the shrink there wants to meet me 30 minutes earlier to tell me some sort of story.
I have a chemistry midterm on friday and don't know what I'm doing.
As usual, I feel isolated, shunned, and lonely. I wonder what's so wrong with me. I wonder if people here are reading these things I keep saying and hating me because I am such a loser and won't shut up about it. Maybe that's one of the reasons why people here don't really talk to me either. That and I got upset when I just started T and was wondering if I should share my joy or if people wouldn't care and ended up reading a post that said, not only would people not care, they'd be upset by it. I'm not allowed to be upset. I know that. Everyone else is, but not me. I don't know why. I lost so many friends because of that. They do something that hurts me (or it's a misunderstanding), I show anger, I am suddenly the root of all evil and no amount of begging for forgiveness will make them even pretend to treat me as an equal. I do something stupid like politely correct them on the cause of Down's syndrome (I've reread it over and over and I still don't understand), they blow up at me, and suddenly my friendship is worth nothing because I want to be treated like an equal. I've even had people "quit" (their word) because I calmly asked them stop insulting things I like. Sorry. I should shut up. No one gives a beaver-made structure. What is so wrong with me?
Oh and, even though I know there must be something wrong with me (it's the only thing that explains the large numbers), I still won't stand for being treated as anything less than equal.
BS Edge, you are allowed to be as pissed off as the next guy.
Quote(it's the only thing that explains the large numbers),
What large numbers? What did I miss?
I haven't passed a math test all year. I studied so hard for this one and I only got a 45%, while most of the class hour over 90%
Quote from: LordKAT on November 11, 2013, 11:47:59 AM
BS Edge, you are allowed to be as pissed off as the next guy.
What large numbers? What did I miss?
I just mean I have a long, ongoing history of not getting along with people everywhere I go.
Edge, I've been reading your posts and doubting about replying because I don't feel like I'm qualified to say anything to you but I can't keep quiet. The thing is I'm sort of familiar with what you're saying, I've always been the one no-one really liked. People just didn't connect with me, they thought I was weird, abnormal,... I was always the one who 'ruined' the sort-of friendships by being to weird, by talking about weird stuff, by not doing everything for them when they didn't do anything for me...
Someone once said to me that we look for what we think we deserve, you seem to think you're unlikeable but even if it seems everyone feels that way that doesn't make you wrong or abnormal. For me it was the moment I started liking myself (only recently) and truly putting myself first that things changed a little. People still think I'm weird, and if they do that's fine to be honest I think people are weird too :p I don't put energy in people that don't put energy in me. You say you won't put up with being treated badly and you're right! You shouldn't put up with 'friends' that don't care as much about you as you do about them and if that's what they expect of you they are wrong! Look I don't know what to tell you but I'll tell you that since I came here you've been one of the people I've wanted to talk to the most. You impressed me because you seem smart and a fighter and I still feel that way. Only reason I haven't is because I'm shy and because I was a little starstruck :p Feeling like you do now isn't wrong, it isn't pathetic and it isn't forever. I'm sure no-one thinks your whining here, and if someone did I'm sorry but who cares! I wish I could become your friend, so I could show you that there are people who can like you!
Sorry it's become so long and stupid.
Quote from: Willow on November 11, 2013, 08:00:07 AM
That's unfortunate, Meg. It really sounded like your parents had your back before. Wonder if they are just confused. Best of luck to deal with them.
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That's what I thought but my mom is having a very hard time with letting go of what the "good book" says. I have given them plenty of info on what being transgender means and they can carry on a conversation about it now. Funny thing is as far as I can tell is that my dad is cool about everything. He's been in the neutral zone ever since I came out.
I'm just not entirely sure how long I'm going to put up with her resistance on this as I am a independent adult and can just walk away and cut off all contact even though that's something I really don't want to have to do unless there appears to be no hope in her actually accepting me as I am.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 11, 2013, 08:32:31 AM
That stuff is expensive, right? Sell it. As for your mom, she's dumb if she thinks you'll be "cured".
It was 20 bucks from a christian company. Hardly worth the effort to sell. She might demand to see that I've used it and I'd have to present a "used" container of the stuff to show that I've tried another cockamamie cure. Right now I'm in the I'll bear her resistance to my transition phase. I almost feel bad lying to her but I've had T in me for a long time and I know more of it is only going to make me feel worse.
Empty the fake T jar and fill it with cold cream, then she can see you are using it all she wants.
I say fake because no script= no T, cream or otherwise.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 11, 2013, 12:47:29 PM
Empty the fake T jar and fill it with cold cream, then she can see you are using it all she wants.
I say fake because no script= no T, cream or otherwise.
I was thinking the same thing. She got it off of a Daystar TV program that we watched because it explained why I feel the way I do ::). The ingredients if legit are found in real T creams from the research that I did.
Quote from: Megumi on November 11, 2013, 12:35:23 PM
It was 20 bucks from a christian company.
Intolerance in a jar. :-\
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Meg.
Thank you. Thank you as well, Kat. You have no idea what it means to me to get a response. Usually, I feel like I talk and get silence in return.
Quote from: NathanielM on November 11, 2013, 12:18:36 PM
Edge, I've been reading your posts and doubting about replying because I don't feel like I'm qualified to say anything to you but I can't keep quiet.
Not sure what qualifications one needs to talk to me, but if they're needed, that might explain something.
Quote from: NathanielM on November 11, 2013, 12:18:36 PMFor me it was the moment I started liking myself (only recently) and truly putting myself first that things changed a little.
I like myself a lot (not that anyone believes me). It's difficult not to take it personally and, sometimes I do (like now), but I am very grateful to be who I am. Other people still disagree with me on this though. Nothing has really changed aside from how I react to it.
Quote from: NathanielM on November 11, 2013, 12:18:36 PMLook I don't know what to tell you but I'll tell you that since I came here you've been one of the people I've wanted to talk to the most. You impressed me because you seem smart and a fighter and I still feel that way. Only reason I haven't is because I'm shy and because I was a little starstruck :p
Starstruck? Why? Thanks for the compliments.
Quote from: NathanielM on November 11, 2013, 12:18:36 PMFeeling like you do now isn't wrong, it isn't pathetic and it isn't forever. I'm sure no-one thinks your whining here, and if someone did I'm sorry but who cares! I wish I could become your friend, so I could show you that there are people who can like you!
I know it's not forever. I just wish I would hurry up and get over it. I also know that, sometimes, I just need to wallow. It'll pass and then I'll feel better again. People will still want nothing to do with me, but I'll feel better until the next time I need to wallow.
Eh I'm just wondering since it usually turns out to be the case wherever and whenever I mention something that is in the slightest bit not positive. Sometimes, even when it is positive. I once knew someone whose response to "life is fascinating" was "I don't like to think about that. It's too depressing." People are weird.
Thanks, but why do you
wish you could become my friend? I mean, I know it's not the same since it's online, but what's stopping you?
Er... On the subject of the T cream, isn't it dangerous to be taking hormones without a prescription and the advice of one's doctor? Do they really just hand it out like that?
Quote from: Megumi on November 11, 2013, 07:46:00 AM
Last night my mom gave me some testosterone cream and said if I use it every day it will cure me..... I'm not going to use the stuff ever. About that we'll support you no matter what thing, can't help but notice the support I get is to not transition or tell anyone so people aren't inconvienced.... I understand not wanting things to change but dang how about some compassion to see how would it feel if you were in my shoes.
At least today is a new day and some good things should happen this evening so I have something positive to look forward too.
I think my T has gone up a lot since starting my diet. I went from Obese, BMI ~33 down to (barely)Overweight BMI 26.8... I've started exercising... and my dysphoria has reached epic highs (other than during puberty :P).
Best (and most probable) case, the T-cream would do nothing... worst case it would make you feel worse!
disclaimer: I have no idea how this works! I'm just going off my own recent experiences.
Quote from: Edge on November 11, 2013, 01:14:35 PM
Thanks, but why do you wish you could become my friend? I mean, I know it's not the same since it's online, but what's stopping you?
I guess I stopped myself because I'm shy, and terrible at saying what I mean online :p Not letting that stop me anymore though :) I get starstruck about people sometimes when I get really impressed by them. It's like I'm in awe of that person or very interested and then I get scared that I'll come across as silly or something. It's one of my weird things :p
Quote from: Willow on November 11, 2013, 10:58:18 AM
That sign means that there's a T intersection ahead, most likely it's not very visible, so it's marked for safety reasons.
As for high beams, I don't know about illegality, but when there's oncoming traffic, for safety reasons, it's best to turn them off until they've all passed.
I get that feeling too, like I can't ask questions because it means I don't know what I'm doing and don't have control, two things I claim to have.
So for the road sign, would that mean there would be a dead end for the driver coming from the right? My father had me turn on the high beams when there were no cars but had me turn them off for when there were cars coming and it got very hard to see when there were several cars coming and I had to use the low beams.
Quote from: NathanielM on November 11, 2013, 02:57:50 PM
I guess I stopped myself because I'm shy, and terrible at saying what I mean online :p Not letting that stop me anymore though :) I get starstruck about people sometimes when I get really impressed by them. It's like I'm in awe of that person or very interested and then I get scared that I'll come across as silly or something. It's one of my weird things :p
I like silly. It's one of my not-so weird things.
Looking down and seeing that I still have those male things between my legs. :( >:(
i am worried about jamie.
and devlyn
And I'm trying VERY hard not to get myself banned for what I want to say on the Could I Pass As Female thread....
Yeah, because trans-elitism sucks.
Leave it to the mods, it will get taken care of.
Obviously people aren't getting the point....after 2 moderator interventions within what....less than a day...
It won't feel any less unwelcoming because a mod takes care of it.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 11, 2013, 05:26:50 PM
It won't feel any less unwelcoming because a mod takes care of it.
I know it won't, some people have their heads lodged somewhere very dark. That doesn't mean that you should stoop to their level though.
I don't mind stoolstooping.
I should have just said what I wanted....I got a smite anyways
Finding that the price of a decent psicologist with good knowledge of gender disphoria here in São Paulo will make me sell my kidneys! One appointment is R$ 700 (1 US$ = R$ 2.33), more than US$ 300!
I am crazy, but I really need to hear something from a better doctor, so *cries*
QuoteYou have exceeded the limit of 20 personal messages per hour.
^ This >:(
Quote from: Natalia on November 11, 2013, 05:45:01 PMFinding that the price of a decent psicologist with good knowledge of gender disphoria here in São Paulo will make me sell my kidneys! One appointment is R$ 700 (1 US$ = R$ 2.33), more than US$ 300!
I am crazy, but I really need to hear something from a better doctor, so *cries*
No insurance?
Quote from: LordKAT on November 11, 2013, 12:47:29 PM
Empty the fake T jar and fill it with cold cream, then she can see you are using it all she wants.
I say fake because no script= no T, cream or otherwise.
I showed it to my therapist today. She said it was most likely a topical testosterone cream just like I thought. This was also a first for her as no other patient has had something like this haopen before. We both laughed at the absurdity of the whole situation. At least the session gave me something to work with from this point forward.
Quote from: <3 on November 11, 2013, 05:41:12 PM
I should have just said what I wanted....I got a smite anyways
Well, I gave you an applaud here to make up for it, and I think it would be nice if others did. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: <3 on November 11, 2013, 05:41:12 PM
I should have just said what I wanted....I got a smite anyways
Don't be sad. Others saw what happened and realize that it wasn't fair for you to get that smite. You always do your best to create an inclusive and welcoming atmosphere for everyone here. If some don't appreciate that, it's not a fault of yours. And remember, we all make mistakes and let our emotions get the best of us at times, so let's hope any personal disputes can be resolved peacefully and all the involved parties can come out as friends.
My gta v online keeps timing out. Even when I'm in, hardly no one wants to play missions. :/
Two things make me unhappy today.
1) I can't get the nerve to come out to any of my co-workers. Even though they all seem to know something is going on, I just can't seem to out myself. There is one person that I'd like to tell, because I can't see her being mean about it, but it's just too hard. I'm a coward.
2) I have a Human Rights Campaign bumper sticker that I'd like to put on my car, but again, I'm too afraid that it will out me. Despite all my support for the lgbt community and belief in equality for all, I can't even put on a damn bumper sticker because I'm that much of a coward. For letting down my ideals, I'm angry and disappointed with myself. Why do I have to be such a chicken?
Quote from: learningtolive on November 11, 2013, 08:30:45 PM
Two things make me unhappy today.
1) I can't get the nerve to come out to any of my co-workers. Even though they all seem to know something is going on, I just can't seem to out myself. There is one person that I'd like to tell, because I can't see her being mean about it, but it's just too hard. I'm a coward.
2) I have a Human Rights Campaign bumper sticker that I'd like to put on my car, but again, I'm too afraid that it will out me. Despite all my support for the lgbt community and belief in equality for all, I can't even put on a damn bumper sticker because I'm that much of a coward. For letting down my ideals, I'm angry and disappointed with myself. Why do I have to be such a chicken?
Identifying your fear is the first step to overcoming it. Knowing that something needs work is a step forward.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think what you're scared of is doing something you can't undo. Of losing control of your situation and something which you've kept a handle on up until now being dependant on the unpredictability of others. That's a big thing, for anyone.
You will get there, hon. *hugs* You're not a coward. You're just not ready yet. You will be.
Career tests give vague answers or make you pay to see the top results. Grrr, I just want to know what I should think about doing!
From the looks of it, we've lost a handful of people, today. :(
As unhappy as I about the petty infighting in the "Pass?" thread, I'm every bit as saddened by the departures it seems to have caused. Sorry to sound naive, but "Why can't we all just get along?" :-\
The radio in the caf is playing Black Hole Sun, which was my depressive song in April when I found out about dad's affair and plans for divorce. It's not making me feel better at all.
Had a great chance to come out as transgender with a person I care about today. I could literally feel the opening / invitation hanging in the air between us. I so wanted to - but pulled away. It was like I went from being six inches away from her to sixteen miles.
I know I need to be patient and kind to myself, blah blah blah. But I also need to take a few more risks. So bummed I didn't leap at the chance today.
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 11, 2013, 09:48:16 PM
From the looks of it, we've lost a handful of people, today. :(
As unhappy as I about the petty infighting in the "Pass?" thread, I'm every bit as saddened by the departures it seems to have caused. Sorry to sound naive, but "Why can't we all just get along?" :-\
I agree Gwynne, it is sad.
3:49 AM, sleep hates me.
Quote from: learningtolive on November 11, 2013, 08:30:45 PM
Two things make me unhappy today.
1) I can't get the nerve to come out to any of my co-workers. Even though they all seem to know something is going on, I just can't seem to out myself. There is one person that I'd like to tell, because I can't see her being mean about it, but it's just too hard. I'm a coward.
2) I have a Human Rights Campaign bumper sticker that I'd like to put on my car, but again, I'm too afraid that it will out me. Despite all my support for the lgbt community and belief in equality for all, I can't even put on a damn bumper sticker because I'm that much of a coward. For letting down my ideals, I'm angry and disappointed with myself. Why do I have to be such a chicken?
#2... I just put one on. It was difficult for the same reasons you had. I did it in a grocery store parking lot... where nobody I knew would see me do it. Now it just looks like it's always been there, and LOTS of people have them. I used to see them all the time before I came out.
I'm still crying after Dexter's final episode, and I can't stop. I haven't cried this much over a work of fiction in my whole life. My eyes are damn red at this time, feeling worse than discussing with my family or the work depressions.
God, what I would give to get the writers with a nutcracker, declare it non-canon and force them to make a new final chapter. God damn estrogen.
My belly really hurts... Bad... Being stabbed would be less pain...
I'm too upset right now to post anything or send messages.
Quote from: <3 on November 12, 2013, 11:02:06 AM
I'm too upset right now to post anything or send messages.
* Nudges <3 *
Here, have a cookie. The least we can do is to munch cookies while we wait for this to pass.
Quote from: <3 on November 12, 2013, 11:02:06 AM
I'm too upset right now to post anything or send messages.
Big hugs! Somebody get some cocoa and kleenex, stat! Hugs, Devlyn
The fact a topic important to me and others got locked because of differing view points. Summer has started to me the worst season of the year. Christmas is not far away and I am going to struggle to get gifts for everyone this year due to funding issues. Oh and of course another Christmas alone...aside from family, but it isn't the same.
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on November 12, 2013, 11:34:47 AMThe fact a topic important to me and others got locked because of differing view points. Summer has started to me the worst season of the year. Christmas is not far away and I am going to struggle to get gifts for everyone this year due to funding issues. Oh and of course another Christmas alone...aside from family, but it isn't the same.
I could say the same but with winter. As magical as the light snow fell yesterday, it was the worst day yet in terms of my mood.
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on November 12, 2013, 11:34:47 AM
The fact a topic important to me and others got locked because of differing view points.
Hey hon,
If you're talking about this one (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,146688.msg1279603.html#msg1279603), it will be re-opened after some time in the fridge to cool things down.
Quote from: FA on November 12, 2013, 11:41:18 AM
Hey hon,
If you're talking about this one (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,146688.msg1279603.html#msg1279603), it will be re-opened after some time in the fridge to cool things down.
Brrrrr it's going to get cold, some of those girls in the fridge were scantily clad ! ;D >:-)
Quote from: FA on November 12, 2013, 11:41:18 AM
Hey hon,
If you're talking about this one (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,146688.msg1279603.html#msg1279603), it will be re-opened after some time in the fridge to cool things down.
But the current conversation will just resume, no?
Quote from: Xhianil on November 12, 2013, 10:47:59 AM
My belly really hurts... Bad... Being stabbed would be less pain...
Time to see the doctor I think, can you get to one?
Thinking of the chance I may not be able to get Call of Duty: Ghost on Black Friday.....
OH GOSH THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE! That thought makes me unhappy.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 12, 2013, 12:12:23 PM
Time to see the doctor I think, can you get to one?
no, besides, last time there was "nothing wrong."
Feeling lost again. Like I don't know where I belong. Just floating about in space.
That's what you get for talking to me!
During the open enrollment presentation, I learned that the healthcare IT company I work for knowingly doesn't offer the best possible health insurance coverage. Let me say that again: this healthcare IT company offers less than stellar health insurance coverage and they are aware of this fact.
Once again, the "care" is missing from healthcare.
My mom called me a boy this morning. I yelled at her to stop calling me that. She's kept doing it even though I've told my family I don't like it. Then she told me "If the plumbing fits, wear it." I just...
My period came on.
Lost 80% hearing in left ear and 40% in right one, thinking of learning to sign, and feel a lot like using the (F) word right now as it would seem so appropriate. >:-)
Quote from: Shantel on November 12, 2013, 06:30:19 PM
Lost 80% hearing in left ear and 40% in right one, thinking of learning to sign, and feel a lot like using the (F) word right now as it would seem so appropriate. >:-)
*BIG HUGS* AUNTIE SHAN!!!! Had to make sure you could hear me. ;)
I really am sorry though. :(
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 12, 2013, 06:36:43 PM
*BIG HUGS* AUNTIE SHAN!!!! Had to make sure you could hear me. ;)
I really am sorry though. :(
Thanks, no biggie though it's an old person thing, the equipment starts to get worn out.
UGH Keep getting kicked from GTA V Online
MLP
DW
Quote from: Malachite on November 12, 2013, 08:28:17 PM
UGH Keep getting kicked from GTA V Online
Guessing you'er PS3?
Quote from: Kristal on November 13, 2013, 05:58:06 AM
MLP made you unhappy? That unpossible!
Must stand for something else...
Major League Ping-pong
Amy also put this in the happy thread, though... so ???
I had an awful dream about my ex boyfriend. We were together for 7 years but we've both moved on. It brought it all back though.... :(
I washed my face with soap that said body and face and it dried the frick out of my face! -.-"
Quote from: kabit on November 13, 2013, 06:14:43 AM
Amy also put this in the happy thread, though... so ???
No, that was Orange Creamsicle. I hate My Little Pony! :icon_blah: I was really just making of Orange Creamsicle though. ;) I put DW (Doctor Who) in the happy thread because she put that here. >:(
The affect other people's negativity is having on my life.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 13, 2013, 09:18:39 AMThe affect other people's negativity is having on my life.
You just gotta get a hug in :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
Quote from: Xhianil on November 13, 2013, 12:52:26 AM
Guessing you'er PS3?
Yu.
It's the lovely second day of my period which seems a bit heavier than normal....
Quote from: Malachite on November 13, 2013, 09:22:19 AMIt's the lovely second day of my period which seems a bit heavier than normal....
Just wait a bit longer, and that'll no longer be an issue :)
Quote from: Malachite on November 13, 2013, 09:22:19 AM
Yu.
It's the lovely second day of my period which seems a bit heavier than normal....
Big hugs and a tourniquet! ;D
I know, not fun but you'll get over it soon.
At least for another 23 days it won't be, lol.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 13, 2013, 07:46:39 AM
No, that was Orange Creamsicle. I hate My Little Pony! :icon_blah: I was really just making of Orange Creamsicle though. ;) I put DW (Doctor Who) in the happy thread because she put that here. >:(
That sounds fair to me, except Doctor Who is better than My Little Pony!
When I saw it here, I thought it was DW Washburn... or that little girl from "Arthur" (the aardvark).
Quote from: Shaina on November 13, 2013, 06:47:02 AM
I had an awful dream about my ex boyfriend. We were together for 7 years but we've both moved on. It brought it all back though.... :(
Ooh hugs baby doll, sounds like maybe a little PTSD there yourself hon!
Can't even have one good day...
Quote from: Xhianil on November 13, 2013, 12:18:42 PM
Can't even have one good day...
I know that feeling all too well -hugs-
Quote from: Malachite on November 13, 2013, 12:23:40 PM
I know that feeling all too well -hugs-
I haven't had one in months and tried hard to have one today, not happening.
Quote from: kabit on November 13, 2013, 10:59:09 AM
That sounds fair to me, except Doctor Who is better than My Little Pony!
Just another dysphoric day ... therapy day ... usually that makes me SUPER happy, but I can't even write in my diary.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 13, 2013, 12:34:17 PM
Quote from: kabit on November 13, 2013, 10:59:09 AM
That sounds fair to me, except Doctor Who is better than My Little Pony!
When I saw it here, I thought it was DW Washburn... or that little girl from "Arthur" (the aardvark).
Meta-unhappy ;)
LOL... j/k. I am a fan of both... but not a pegasister... not nearly that big a fan (my kids have watched MLP and the show, it's good!) I could be considered a whovian, but even then I'm a lightweight. I'm just not that intense.
Was filling one of my scripts at the pharmacy and started to feel an anxiety attack come on so got out as soon as I paid, what's worse is that I still don't know what might have triggered it.
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on November 13, 2013, 02:02:56 PM
Was filling one of my scripts at the pharmacy and started to feel an anxiety attack come on so got out as soon as I paid, what's worse is that I still don't know what might have triggered it.
wow, i know how bad they can be. Particularly heavy ones make me feel inside like i am dying even though i am perfectly fine.
Quote from: Shantel on November 13, 2013, 11:03:02 AM
Ooh hugs baby doll, sounds like maybe a little PTSD there yourself hon!
Oh gosh thanks! Nothing like what you went through though! I'll tell you all about it later :)
Oh and I cracked my screen thanks to an errant biker! Poop! :icon_help:
Quote from: Shaina on November 13, 2013, 04:57:59 PMOh gosh thanks! Nothing like what you went through though! I'll tell you all about it later :)
Oh and I cracked my screen thanks to an errant biker! Poop! :icon_help:
I can fix that!
Quote from: kabit on November 13, 2013, 10:59:09 AM
That sounds fair to me, except Doctor Who is better than My Little Pony!
When I saw it here, I thought it was DW Washburn... or that little girl from "Arthur" (the aardvark).
Doctor Whooves. Two great tastes that go great together!
Quote from: Kristal on November 13, 2013, 05:22:12 PM
Doctor Whooves. Two great tastes that go great together!
^THIS
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 13, 2013, 05:24:08 PM
^THIS
I agree.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.geeknative.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F09%2Fdoctor-whooves.png&hash=b278b646a530448fe65f7d5d55eb5525c341d823)
Where are those ponies at? :icon_chainsaw:
Worked twelve hours. Then drove home three hours in freezing rain and blizzard conditions.
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 13, 2013, 11:59:56 PM
Worked twelve hours. Then drove home three hours in freezing rain and blizzard conditions.
Oh no Gwynne! I'm sorry you had to work so long but I'm glad you made it home safe!
I think I'm gonna get bad feedback at evaluation today, and because of that I haven't slept and because of that I'm more emotional and because of that I'l be more quiet and shy and because of that I'll make an even worse impression because I have to be more 'open'... It's a vicious cycle :(
My idiot next door neighbor called today to tell me that the underground TV cable that supplies both of our houses is in the way of his construction, so since he is not a cable customer, he told me he is cutting(!!?) it tomorrow, and that if I wanted service that it would be MY problem to contact the cable company to have my service restored after the cable is routed around his property.
I told him he'd better not or there would be hell to pay. Isn't that against the law? I mean it's like cutting your gas or electric, one would think.
His project also dumped quite a bit of debris in my backyard that he will need to clean up.
It was so nice before he moved in.
I think the cable company might have something to say about that. How does he know it is only a cable line? It could be more.
Quote from: kabit on November 13, 2013, 10:59:09 AM
...or that little girl from "Arthur" (the aardvark).
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages1.wikia.nocookie.net%2F__cb20131030192041%2Farthur%2Fimages%2F0%2F08%2FDw.gif&hash=b06e20b89ece14dd06ac6f2dcd70c15d9aeb6296)
One of
my favourite shows!
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 14, 2013, 07:21:18 AM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages1.wikia.nocookie.net%2F__cb20131030192041%2Farthur%2Fimages%2F0%2F08%2FDw.gif&hash=b06e20b89ece14dd06ac6f2dcd70c15d9aeb6296)
One of my favourite shows!
NOBODY could hate DW!!! (Except Arthur?)
Quote from: kabit on November 14, 2013, 07:23:18 AM
NOBODY could hate DW!!! (Except Arthur?)
Arthur loves DW! He just has an eight-year-old big brother way of showing it. :P
When my son was a baby, my wife and I got hooked on Arthur. We practically memorized the entire series. Soooo well written. ;D
No more internet at home...
Quote from: Xhianil on November 14, 2013, 08:52:14 AMNo more internet at home...
Your mom went through with her threat, I see.
Poor darling :( *lots of hugs*
Quote from: Willow on November 14, 2013, 08:59:45 AM
Your mom went through with her threat, I see.
Poor darling :( *lots of hugs*
Nope, she tried to torrent something like a idiot.
A death in the family. :'(
My Dad's eldest brother has died, just a couple of days before his mother's 98th birthday. Very, very sad.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on November 14, 2013, 10:05:45 AM
A death in the family. :'(
My Dad's eldest brother has died, just a couple of days before his mother's 98th birthday. Very, very sad.
(((Hugs))) :icon_bunch:
Another thread got locked because people on both sides have to act like pit bulls, latch on to each other and refuse to let up.
Rodney King made the most pregnant comment of the age when he said, "Can't we all just get along?"
Would you prefer they didn't get locked and the BS continues? It's the lesser of two evils, Shan. Hugs, Devlyn
I prefer the bad posts get deleted and let the conversation continue. To me it shows value to the negative post if it's left up and just locked. That's just my opinion. I guess it's a lot to ask.
Day 3 of my period
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 14, 2013, 10:27:21 AM
Would you prefer they didn't get locked and the BS continues? It's the lesser of two evils, Shan. Hugs, Devlyn
I agree with the lock... but I had something to say on that thread (before I read up to
that point! ;))
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 14, 2013, 10:35:33 AM
I prefer the bad posts get deleted and let the conversation continue. To me it shows value to the negative post if it's left up and just locked. That's just my opinion. I guess it's a lot to ask.
My feelings exactly.
Quote from: kabit on November 14, 2013, 10:36:56 AM
I agree with the lock... but I had something to say on that thread (before I read up to that point! ;))
I'm not referring to any specific thread, I wasn't sure which one Shan meant when I replied to her. I just don't like seeing negative comments hanging around.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 14, 2013, 10:27:21 AM
Would you prefer they didn't get locked and the BS continues? It's the lesser of two evils, Shan. Hugs, Devlyn
I'd prefer to see people make an effort to act like adults and show some self control and civility toward one another.
But they won't, so where do we go from there?
Quote from: Shantel on November 14, 2013, 10:43:12 AM
I'd prefer to see people make an effort to act like adults and show some self control and civility toward one another.
It would be nice... but then we'd have nothing left to fight for! ;) ENDA, bathroom bills, etc., etc.
Quote from: Malachite on November 14, 2013, 10:36:20 AM
Day 3 of my period
*hugs tight* i wish i could take it, it sucks a lot having to deal with the functions of the wrong gender.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 14, 2013, 10:52:46 AM
*hugs tight* i wish i could take it, it sucks a lot having to deal with the functions of the wrong gender.
-hugs- You can have it. Beware of the cramps though. >:-)
Quote from: Malachite on November 14, 2013, 10:55:27 AM
-hugs- You can have it. Beware of the cramps though. >:-)
Where do I get one of these? I'll sign on the line!! :angel: :embarrassed:
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 14, 2013, 10:44:08 AM
But they won't, so where do we go from there?
Ok is this a test or something? ;D
Quote from: kabit on November 14, 2013, 10:59:36 AM
Where do I get one of these? I'll sign on the line!! :angel: :embarrassed:
The next shipment should arrive next month. Be on the look out!
Quote from: Malachite on November 14, 2013, 11:17:48 AM
The next shipment should arrive next month. Be on the look out!
I'll be watching the moon... :icon_holden:
I'm not sure exactly what made me unhappy today but something or a lot of little somethings did. :(
(comment removed)
A few things:
Zoe forgot to bring me the wig. She'll bring it Tuesday though.
Having trouble getting into a gender therapist.
My rib hurts from running around campus being all busy like.
My stoma has diaper rash and it hurts.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 14, 2013, 03:16:05 PM
My stoma has diaper rash and it hurts.
Ow, I'm sorry. One of the kids in my internship has the same problem, it drives him crazy. They put some sort of cream around the edges of the connection though?
seems like anything is setting off the dysphoria lately. My 4yo daughter was insisting I'm a boy in the car ride home. Spiraled into a few other things... recovering now.
I was supposed to be good for a few days after how well yesterday went!!
Car mods are so expensive in GTA V :( I'm down to a little over 8 grand....
Quote from: JRD on November 14, 2013, 04:22:37 PM
People keep suggesting that I get another dog. I don't want another dog. He was my best bud, I can't even contemplate replacing him anytime soon.
Sorry about your dog :(
♥ mine so much... lately he knows when I'm really sad and comes to comfort me.
Quote from: Malachite on November 14, 2013, 10:55:27 AM
-hugs- You can have it. Beware of the cramps though. >:-)
Can't be worse then those i already have, so sign me up!
Quote from: NathanielM on November 14, 2013, 03:41:40 PM
Ow, I'm sorry. One of the kids in my internship has the same problem, it drives him crazy. They put some sort of cream around the edges of the connection though?
I have tried a couple different ones.They take time to heal and meanwhile you have to attach a giant sticker to it. Not the most conducive to healing.
T.I.S.
Living in S.C.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 14, 2013, 09:54:35 PM
T.I.S.
This is Sparta? Time in service? Teletubbies in space?
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 14, 2013, 10:11:25 PM
This is Sparta? Time in service? Teletubbies in space?
Haha I love your wit! I feel better!
Quote from: Shaina on November 14, 2013, 10:19:42 PMHaha I love your wit! I feel better!
Literally we're in Sparta :D
Keaira had to go to bed. She works in 6 hours and is only going to get 4 hrs sleep. I miss her already, I cannot wait til she comes into my hotel room after her shift. :D
Quote from: JRD on November 14, 2013, 04:22:37 PM
People keep suggesting that I get another dog. I don't want another dog. He was my best bud, I can't even contemplate replacing him anytime soon.
Sorry your lost your best bud. :(
People kept telling me the same thing too, when my dog went to doggie heaven. I can't even imagine getting another dog. He was my partner in crime for 15 years! Nobody will ever replace him!
*hugs* I hope you're okay. It hurts, but it doesn't hurt forever.
Sometimes I just get so lost as to how people can be so insensitive to others... I've never understood how you can just assume you're right all the time and feel like you can insult people because it's their fault if they feel offended by you... I mean I would probably end up crying if I said the things some people say to others, because I'd feel and know their reactions to it.
I just keep running into this bullying attitude in places where there shouldn't be one and I'm tired of alienating myself because I won't stand for it.
Sometimes I'm glad I'm not 'normal', if this is what normal is
Quote from: NathanielM on November 15, 2013, 01:24:58 AM
Sometimes I just get so lost as to how people can be so insensitive to others... I've never understood how you can just assume you're right all the time and feel like you can insult people because it's their fault if they feel offended by you... I mean I would probably end up crying if I said the things some people say to others, because I'd feel and know their reactions to it.
I just keep running into this bullying attitude in places where there shouldn't be one and I'm tired of alienating myself because I won't stand for it.
Sometimes I'm glad I'm not 'normal', if this is what normal is
^this^
And I hate it when d-bag oppressors play the victim card whenever their perceived "freedom" to discriminate against you diminishes. By the way, I'm still trying to figure out what this "moral fiber" of society is exactly and how I can further destroy it by merely existing.
Quote from: caleb. on November 14, 2013, 11:22:44 PM
Keaira had to go to bed. She works in 6 hours and is only going to get 4 hrs sleep. I miss her already, I cannot wait til she comes into my hotel room after her shift. :D
I dont even want to go in today, lol. But, a job is a job. After getting home and saying goodnight, it was 12:20am. so I am alittle sleepy. ^_^
Forgot to fast for bloodwork... and can't go Monday. Looks like Tuesday or bust (for my GP appointment next Friday... pray for my A1c to drop like a rock and let me get off the damn drug!) I didn't even realize until I was most of the way to work, anyway (the testing center is 5 min from home... work is 25).
Moving this morning was tough. I'm a bit depressed. The worst kind of supporters are the ones that were only pretending (I'm still hung up on that from a few weeks ago) and I still have nobody IRL on my side (who doesn't get paid for that service). I hate to ruin this thread (
wrong thread! ;D) but I'm very thankful for the support here (and elsewhere on the internet, but mostly here at Susan's).
Quote from: Keaira Raine on November 15, 2013, 04:29:13 AM
I dont even want to go in today, lol. But, a job is a job. After getting home and saying goodnight, it was 12:20am. so I am alittle sleepy. ^_^
I love my job ... and I almost always feel that way now. Be strong and feed that strength!!
Why won't my chest stop aching?
Disliking myself because my voice isn't like it should be, but moreso because a friend apparently hates it when she can't hear me, and I feel like I'm going to make the situation worse if I explain why, or try to explain why and still end up not being heard - my voice almost cannot project, the only somewhat effective way is when it gets higher (which I'm highly uncomfortable with for a number of reasons), I'm still not good enough at projecting a deeper voice to be certain it won't sound off, and I tend to get quieter when I'm uncomfortable anyway. I almost hate speaking, but this was one of the biggest gripes this person had about me - that I wouldn't carry on a conversation in the past, and I'm somewhat scared that she'll take my difficulty in speaking (I'm fine over email, but... she tends to get angry easily) as a renewded reason to just dump me altogether. I honestly cannot believe I'm worth much to anyone, much less this person, though it seems I've become somewhat dependent on her acceptance to feel decent about myself half the time. I... really don't know how to step right with her, though I should by now. I'm afraid to make her angry at me.
*Sigh* Probably making mountains out of molehills, but the fear stays. I'm probably jinxing myself by writing this.
I think I missed a couple of calls from a friend of mine. :(
After two months on a strict diet I made an exception and ate a lot of unhealthy things, mainly fast food!! Now I am feeling terribly guilty and considering that throwing up is a good option...but it is so nasty ewww what can I do? *cry*
Quote from: Natalia on November 15, 2013, 03:47:37 PM
After two months on a strict diet I made an exception and ate a lot of unhealthy things, mainly fast food!! Now I am feeling terribly guilty and considering that throwing up is a good option...but it is so nasty ewww what can I do? *cry*
I wouldnt worry...having a day with unhealthy food only once in two months isnt going to affect your health. :) now if it was every two days or even once a week that would be another story.
¿Why do people keep buying consoles at launch? Overpriced, hardware issues, bad games, unimplemented services, not enough stock... If people had a bit of self control and waited until things were decent, companies would have to rethink these things and be more careful if they want to keep customers.
Heck, Back in 2006 I helped with importing japanese PS3 for people who would pay 300+ € just to play a few months before the rest and show off, like "Look, I have a PS3, sooner than any of you, ha ha".
For me, 3DS was the last console I'd ever buy. I'm sticking with PC from here to eternity.
Waters off at home...
:( Looking at my body and still seeing a male body with body and facial hair, flat male chest, and male genitals. >:-)
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 15, 2013, 04:15:34 PM
¿Why do people keep buying consoles at launch? Overpriced, hardware issues, bad games, unimplemented services, not enough stock.
That is exactly why I wait. I'm going to wait a few years where there is a PS4 slim available and actually some games I'd want to play. By then, there may even be a bundle deal or a different color for a collector's edition.
Quote from: Malachite on November 15, 2013, 04:41:43 PM
That is exactly why I wait. I'm going to wait a few years where there is a PS4 slim available and actually some games I'd want to play. By then, there may even be a bundle deal or a different color for a collector's edition.
I'm more of Xbox myself, but i do agree with ya, never buy at launch.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 15, 2013, 07:31:37 PM
I'm more of Xbox myself, but i do agree with ya, never buy at launch.
Yay for late comers!
I'm unhappy because my computer router doesn't want to seem to work in the mornings.
Quote from: Malachite on November 16, 2013, 06:16:01 AM
Yay for late comers!
I'm unhappy because my computer router doesn't want to seem to work in the mornings.
I was thinking my son and I might like an xbox 360 w/ kinect as a divorce or birthday present. He's a minecraft nut... and I'm liking these dancing games lately :D (Wii Zumba... I'll finish this coffee and I'm going to go do a session!)
Unhappy today? Well... it's Saturday and the day is still young ;) I think exercise helps with unhappiness, though!!
Quote from: kabit on November 16, 2013, 06:26:29 AM
I was thinking my son and I might like an xbox 360 w/ kinect as a divorce or birthday present. He's a minecraft nut... and I'm liking these dancing games lately :D (Wii Zumba... I'll finish this coffee and I'm going to go do a session!)
Guess what I self-gifted myself for birthday...
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/798357_172877276253848_1034395985_o.jpg)
Word of advice, Add 50 adittional cm at least to the minimum required space to play.
The first system I bought at launch was the 3DS. While it was totally worth it, I don't think I'll be doing it again. Especially for the PS4 and XBone. Hell, I didn't even get the WiiU until the Zelda collector's edition, and I LOVE Nintendo.
A word to the wise, Kabit: Don't get Minecraft on the 360. Just get it for the PC, it's WAY better there.
Quote from: Kristal on November 16, 2013, 09:34:51 AM
The first system I bought at launch was the 3DS. While it was totally worth it, I don't think I'll be doing it again. Especially for the PS4 and XBone. Hell, I didn't even get the WiiU until the Zelda collector's edition, and I LOVE Nintendo.
A word to the wise, Kabit: Don't get Minecraft on the 360. Just get it for the PC, it's WAY better there.
That would require buying a PC... or fixing the broken one I have!! My laptop crashes if I install the video drivers in Windows 7...
I suppose that's unhappy enough for this thread ;)
Found out my BIL defriended me at some point after the fight we had. So you come to my house, act aggressively (in speech and manner, not physically), tell me off... and defriend me after I kick you out? Classy.
This is also the guy my parents gave me an ultimatum over. Basically... make up with him or I'm not welcome at Christmas (i.e. we'll have separate Christmases... which to me means the same thing).
All blame is assigned to me in my family... I suppose that's always been true.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 16, 2013, 05:17:27 PM
I feel like a disappointment and an embarrassment. Just want to run away to where nobody knows me
I'm with you right now, OC... but don't let others project their own failures onto you! If they can't handle it, you are not the disappointment to them - they have failed you.
I still want to run away, though. ;)
My sister is sick and can't visit me as planned.
Getting an electric shock
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 16, 2013, 06:13:51 PM
Nobody is calling me a disappointment but myself. I keep everything to myself so that other people don't know how much of a failure I am
:( Feel better!! You're no failure!
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 16, 2013, 06:13:51 PM
Nobody is calling me a disappointment but myself. I keep everything to myself so that other people don't know how much of a failure I am
i do that too. it's probably not the best thing i could do to myself, but i don't know how to stop it.
Wow, before I read any of the comments, I was going to post "I feel like a failure."
It must be something in the water today -hugs for all-
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 16, 2013, 11:21:38 PM
I used to be happy. I used to be able to be myself. Why did I have to fall in love? Love makes you do stupid things.
When you love someone you give all of yourself to them. Sometimes they become your everything in return. That means there's little left when it ends...Not enough of who you were to like and not enough of them to stop the hurt.
Okay that was bleak :P and probably not what you're feeling OC. But I'm sorry you're feeling down and know that you're not a failure! I don't know you well but I think every supportive or witty comment you make here is a triumph over the cruelty in the world sometimes!
I don't make any sense but I'm sending happy thoughts your way! :D
:::HUGS:::
I'm very bad at eye makeup. Mascara, I can do. Eyeliner and eyeshadow, nope. My eyes are too droopy to do it properly.
Add that to the list of FFS I want to go in for over the summer if hormones don't change it.
Quote from: Willow on November 17, 2013, 12:35:34 AM
I'm very bad at eye makeup. Mascara, I can do. Eyeliner and eyeshadow, nope. My eyes are too droopy to do it properly.
Add that to the list of FFS I want to go in for over the summer if hormones don't change it.
I can't do makeup well either! No worries you'll get the hang of it :) and who said your eyes are droopy?! You just don't sleep, otherwise your eyes are lovely! ;D
Quote from: Shaina on November 17, 2013, 12:38:11 AMI can't do makeup well either! No worries you'll get the hang of it :) and who said your eyes are droopy?! You just don't sleep, otherwise your eyes are lovely! ;D
I mean the brow droops down, making the eyelid all scrunched up.
Looks like a job for FFS.
The vile filthy tirade I got from a troll that I protected the site from.
I felt nauseated that such comments could be made about me.
Then coming back on and people are still arguing.
What has happened to RESPECT ?
Quote from: Cindy on November 17, 2013, 12:50:20 AM
The vile filthy tirade I got from a troll that I protected the site from.
I felt nauseated that such comments could be made about me.
Then coming back on and people are still arguing.
What has happened to RESPECT ?
:( >:( :(
Quote from: Cindy on November 17, 2013, 12:50:20 AMThe vile filthy tirade I got from a troll that I protected the site from.
I felt nauseated that such comments could be made about me.
Then coming back on and people are still arguing.
What has happened to RESPECT ?
Poor Cindy (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
Quote from: Cindy on November 17, 2013, 12:50:20 AM
The vile filthy tirade I got from a troll that I protected the site from.
What has happened to RESPECT ?
Anyone who would say cruel things to you obviously doesn't know you and likely doesn't know anyone because they push them away with their nastiness. Sorry you had to deal with that Cindy! :icon_anger:
Lots of sadness from not being able to pee like a girl...
Super frustrated.
Got a text. "This is a reminder of your appointment at the hospital tomorrow morning at 9:00. If you can not attend, please call xxxxxxxx". Would have been fair enough if it wasn't for me never receiving a letter about this appointment and there are two hospitals here. An hour's drive between them. And I have absolutely NO idea what the appointment is for, might be surgery or might be just going to the shrink. Not attending without letting them know a day before means a penalty fee of like $70. And they aren't picking up the phone.
*GAAAAH*
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on November 17, 2013, 02:22:40 AM
Super frustrated.
Got a text. "This is a reminder of your appointment at the hospital tomorrow morning at 9:00. If you can not attend, please call xxxxxxxx". Would have been fair enough if it wasn't for me never receiving a letter about this appointment and there are two hospitals here. An hour's drive between them. And I have absolutely NO idea what the appointment is for, might be surgery or might be just going to the shrink. Not attending without letting them know a day before means a penalty fee of like $70. And they aren't picking up the phone.
*GAAAAH*
Is the phone number unlisted? Just google it.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 17, 2013, 02:25:45 AM
Is the phone number unlisted? Just google it.
Googled it and all that came up was the name of the hospital that owns both of the hospitals here. *pulls my hair out in frustration* I guess I'll go to the closest one, there's a 50% chance it's the right one (although the only appointment I am awaiting is surgery and that's at the other hospital, but lord knows).. what a way to start the day. Should have been a way to see upcoming appointments online.
Kittenswithmittens that just sucks! I'm sorry you have to deal with their incompetence. If they charge you, let me know and give me their numbers. I'm giving them a piece of my mind and they'll never find me in Michigan! >:(
Coming back to Susan's after taking a couple of days off. Maybe I just don't belong here anymore. :( Maybe I just don't deserve support. :icon_shrug_no:
Don't be silly! Get ye to the Hug Bank! Hugs, Devlyn
Paying bills, seeing our savings dwindle with our move coming I know I can't get laser and that's what's bumming me out the most. *grabs the nair*
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 17, 2013, 08:32:42 AM
Coming back to Susan's after taking a couple of days off. Maybe I just don't belong here anymore. :( Maybe I just don't deserve support. :icon_shrug_no:
??? Anyone who feels they don't deserve support needs and deserves it even more!!
We all love you here, Amy!!!!
♥ ♥ ♥
Quote from: Cindy on November 17, 2013, 12:50:20 AM
The vile filthy tirade I got from a troll that I protected the site from.
I felt nauseated that such comments could be made about me.
Then coming back on and people are still arguing.
What has happened to RESPECT ?
Wretched. :( Thank you, as always, for your good work on our behalf.
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 17, 2013, 02:30:27 PM
Wretched. :( Thank you, as always, for your good work on our behalf.
+1 Amen to that!
Just got home from the TDOR event in Boston.
Made something pretty nasty to cope with loneliness. This is not going to bode well for my karma.
I just feel like something isn't right. I don't know what it is, but I feel squeamish right about now.
So tired. I'm not a grumpy person in general but right now I feel like grumpycat. Got woken up at FIVE this morning by some builders doing.. builder stuff outside my bedroom window. A bloody four-wheeled bastard of a machine with massive lights. Right into my bedroom window. And it was SO noisy. If only I wasn't so tired I'd run outside and yell at them.
-hiss-
I've had to turn off my alarm 7 times cause of how glitched my ipad is, argh!
Unhappy because it isn't tomorrow already.
Quote from: Willow on November 18, 2013, 07:53:26 AM
Unhappy because it isn't tomorrow already.
Lucky, the time i have to wait is closer to a year and a half.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 18, 2013, 07:55:18 AMLucky, the time i have to wait is closer to a year and a half.
I'm not geting estrogen yet, if that's what you think.
No, just a drag masquerade. I'm going to look fabulous.
Quote from: Willow on November 18, 2013, 08:04:05 AM
I'm not geting estrogen yet, if that's what you think.
No, just a drag masquerade. I'm going to look fabulous.
Sounds fun! And still, a year and a half till i can do that anyways, though i thought at first it was going to be voice related what you were doing.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 18, 2013, 08:11:30 AMSounds fun! And still, a year and a half till i can do that anyways, though i thought at first it was going to be voice related what you were doing.
It is voice related too. I'll have about 2 hours to practice my voice before.
I could always try going to the LGBTRC too, they'd be fine with it there.
Shaking too much to write or pick up papers.
Lost my appetite after three bites into my sandwich because of an email I got.
I need a blanket.
Being told that summer was when people expected me to go on HRT.
To go with the electric shock and the burned leg I managed to get a splinter under my nail.Lucky Devlyn wasn't around to hear what I said!
My drunken mother burned some food. Now everyting is going to smell like smoke.
Quote from: big kim on November 18, 2013, 06:00:44 PM
To go with the electric shock and the burned leg I managed to get a splinter under my nail.Lucky Devlyn wasn't around to hear what I said!
Poor big Kim! I have it from a secret source that the Dev has been known to swear, so rest easy my friend you are in good company, let-er rip!
I had forgotten that the net is full of little broken people with severe inferiority complexes whose only way of feeling better and less pathetic is making others people life more miserable.
At least this makes me see that we are better persons than we think.
Went to doc, well PA. Apparently my back is in really good health, (for my age) discs are nice and thick with only a little arthritis in my lowerback. So explain where all the back pain and loss of height is from. Yes they measured me, still shrunk 2 inches and still in pain.
I can't make sense of the world anymore. I can't get suicide out of my head. I don't know who to tell IRL about my self harming. I've lost all hope in my life, and that's what's made me unhappy.
Three days, no call back from either psychologist. And no headway yet on the letter.
Quote from: Joe. on November 18, 2013, 08:56:56 PM
I can't make sense of the world anymore. I can't get suicide out of my head. I don't know who to tell IRL about my self harming. I've lost all hope in my life, and that's what's made me unhappy.
Joe, don't give up hope! There are worthwhile things to experience in the world, don't leave before you discover them!
Quote from: Willow on November 18, 2013, 09:15:40 PM
Three days, no call back from either psychologist. And no headway yet on the letter.
I'm sorry Willow please stay positive! You're well on your way!
I'm sad because my trial feels like it's going no where and my attackers may walk...
Someone basically called me a lesbian today. -_- not a misgender. Someone who knew about my situation and conflated sexuality and gender.
Will be saying goodbye to keaira in about 12 hours. This is going to break my heart.
Quote from: Shaina on November 19, 2013, 01:26:32 AMI'm sorry Willow please stay positive! You're well on your way!
I'm sad because my trial feels like it's going no where and my attackers may walk...
I didn't expect my health staff to think thati want serious about committing toHRT until summer. Now is a much better time, so I don't struggle through two semestres instead of just currently one.
Injustice, especialy with that crime, especialy to someone I know and love, is wrong and angering to me.
And Caleb, I'm so sorry. May you two be together soon again.
On a sad day, I'm giving up on Spicy foods and condiments. No more tabasco sauce, kebabs with medium or "a little spicy" configurations, and maybe mustard too. It is just too much for my digestive system, and not worth the mornings in the Iron Throne feeling as if was being pierced by its blades.
Damn, I hope my intestinal tract goes back to slow mode sooner or later. I can't remember when was the last time I worked like a clock. I may consider even cutting my coffe
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 19, 2013, 05:01:47 AM
On a sad day, I'm giving up on Spicy foods and condiments. No more tabasco sauce, kebabs with medium or "a little spicy" configurations, and maybe mustard too. It is just too much for my digestive system, and not worth the mornings in the Iron Throne feeling as if was being pierced by its blades.
Damn, I hope my intestinal tract goes back to slow mode sooner or later. I can't remember when was the last time I worked like a clock. I may consider even cutting my coffe
I know the same feeling. Maybe we could switch. I have a stomach of cast iron so spicy foods are a non issue. I just can't eat any kind of carb unless I'm running a million miles per hour directly afterwards. Coffee shouldn't give your stomach any issues as long as you aren't dumb like me and drink it on an empty stomach haha.
Quote from: PaleDragoness on November 19, 2013, 05:21:46 AM
Coffee shouldn't give your stomach any issues as long as you aren't dumb like me and drink it on an empty stomach haha.
¿Maybe it's the fact that I am using instant coffe mixed with a mug full of milk? Ever since I got back here I haven't bought nesspresso caps in a long time, so I use a bit too much milk. Maybe I am lactose intolerant at the current amounts of milk I'm drinking.
God, second time already. The worst part is that I lose weight so fast... Today it's clean food time again.
Hmm I thought for a while I was lactose intolerant, but from reading online about the intake of liquids. You can drink water just about any time, but recommends that you don't drink anything directly before, during or after you eat because that dilutes the digestive process making it get nasty and causes gas, stomach aches, and other things that aren't very nice and don't feel good. I wish I could lose weight. No matter what I do I don't lose weight and end up gaining it and I eat healthy and exercise when my body allows me to do so.
Why do i almost always feel as if I'm going to throw up everywhere?
Quote from: Xhianil on November 19, 2013, 07:41:40 AM
Why do i almost always feel as if I'm going to throw up everywhere?
Sorry to hear that :( Are you on medications with that side effect?
I am always dizzy when I stand up quickly. It's my High BP med... (but it's better than not taking it).
Quote from: kabit on November 19, 2013, 07:44:20 AMSorry to hear that :( Are you on medications with that side effect?
I am always dizzy when I stand up quickly. It's my High BP med... (but it's better than not taking it).
I get that when my blood pressure is normal (low) so don't worry too much about it, it's natural.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 19, 2013, 07:41:40 AM
Why do i almost always feel as if I'm going to throw up everywhere?
I feel like that when my acid reflux acts up, maybe you have some sort of stomach acid issue?
Tweaked the good knee while moving massive bags of leaves to take to the local compost. Feel like a razor in my knee is ripping up what cartilage I don't have left.
Quote from: caleb. on November 19, 2013, 02:24:33 AM
Someone basically called me a lesbian today. -_- not a misgender. Someone who knew about my situation and conflated sexuality and gender.
Will be saying goodbye to keaira in about 12 hours. This is going to break my heart.
Ugh, I know that conversation. This is a transcript of one I had yesterday on Facebook.
QuoteGuy: Wait a minute just a quick question and please don't be offended but are you gay??
Me: I'm a lesbian, yes.
G: That was unexpected
What do you mean lesbian?
Your confusing me
M: Well, I'm attracted to women. As a transsexual woman, that makes me a lesbian.
G: That means your straight but just dress like a girl?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.avforums.com%2Fattachments%2Fimplied-facepalm-jpg.424589%2F&hash=b60cfa048aa6198657a5fd48dbfa76d10164c055)
Quote from: Kristal on November 19, 2013, 10:11:23 AM
Ugh, I know that conversation. This is a transcript of one I had yesterday on Facebook.
Wow! That's really pretty funny. Sad that those nutty cis just don't understand :(, but whatever ;) you are what you are!
Quote from: Kristal on November 19, 2013, 10:11:23 AM
Ugh, I know that conversation
Yeah. It sucks. -_- I think sometimes that people think our birth sex is part of how we see ourselves. Kind of defeats the purpose if you ask me...
Quote from: kabit on November 19, 2013, 07:44:20 AM
Sorry to hear that :( Are you on medications with that side effect?
I am always dizzy when I stand up quickly. It's my High BP med... (but it's better than not taking it).
No meds at all, it seems to get worse every month though, maybe stress.
Quote from: MindyD on November 19, 2013, 08:47:16 AM
I feel like that when my acid reflux acts up, maybe you have some sort of stomach acid issue?
Probably not, I'm very young.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 19, 2013, 10:40:21 AM
No meds at all, it seems to get worse every month though, maybe stress.
Probably not, I'm very young.
Acid Reflux is hereditary, not something that just happens at least that's how it is most of the time. Yes you can get stomach problems from eating too much harsh foods that are either very acidic or too base in make up. I got acid reflux the first time when I was about 10 years old and had it ever since. Stress can also make you physically ill if you build up enough of it which means you need to get yourself an out to release some of that negative energy. If not, you can always see your family dr.
I'm going out of my full time. Who cares anymore. No money, no acceptance, no transition, no hormones. Noah is Dead. THe depression will come back again.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 19, 2013, 01:06:21 PM
I'm going out of my full time. Who cares anymore. No money, no acceptance, no transition, no hormones. Noah is Dead. THe depression will come back again.
Don't give up.
Quote from: Dream Is Over on November 19, 2013, 01:06:21 PM
Who cares anymore. No money, no acceptance, no transition, no hormones.
That's going to be my future (kinda) but i don't care, it's better then now and i don't care if others care, i WILL be happy.
I'm just really on edge right now... stupid stupid stupid T.
What made me happy today would be a better question. And to that I would have to answer....nothing. :'(
Gatekept again. Told I'm supposed to be in therapy for 6 months before getting hormones. So frustrated. I can't wait any longer. I'm done pretending.
I had to say goodbye to keaira. But, I didnt even have time to hug her longer or cry because I didnt want to make her wife uncomfortable. Guess all those years of hiding feelings and repressing them so well finally paid off. :( :'( :'(
Quote from: Willow on November 19, 2013, 04:16:01 PM
Gatekept again. Told I'm supposed to be in therapy for 6 months before getting hormones. So frustrated. I can't wait any longer. I'm done pretending.
That's total BS. Can you go to an informed consent clinic?
Quote from: Willow on November 19, 2013, 04:16:01 PM
Gatekept again. Told I'm supposed to be in therapy for 6 months before getting hormones. So frustrated. I can't wait any longer. I'm done pretending.
Print out the latest SOC and ask why they are going against it.
Quote from: caleb. on November 19, 2013, 04:19:53 PM
I had to say goodbye to keaira. But, I didnt even have time to hug her longer or cry because I didnt want to make her wife uncomfortable. Guess all those years of hiding feelings and repressing them so well finally paid off. :( :'( :'(
In the emotional closet now ???
With every new photo, my father looks sicker and weirder. I should hate the guy, i kind of do, but he's my dad, we had many good times, it's just that he thought his girlfriend was much more important than his family.
Quote from: ZootAllures/BlackNapkins! on November 19, 2013, 05:55:39 PM
With every new photo, my father looks sicker and weirder. I should hate the guy, i kind of do, but he's my dad, we had many good times, it's just that he thought his girlfriend was much more important than his family.
Don't hate your father. I am sure every father loves their sons and their family, even if some might not show that clearly.
My father never showed how he felt and how much he loved me and my mother. For a long time I kind of hated my father for being the way he was, but he was a man of actions and not words and because of that I never treated my father very kindly, or at least as kindly as I treat my mother.
He died from a car accident two years ago and now I see how wrong I was, but I can't change that and I'll have to live with it. I should have treated him better.
Call your father, or make him a visit and treat him well. He might remeber how important you and your family are for him. You have to dig that out of him, because most dads aren't very good showing love (at least mine wasn't).
Quote from: kabit on November 19, 2013, 05:15:29 PMThat's total BS. Can you go to an informed consent clinic?
What's that?
I think to much, but it seems to be the only thing I can do that's close to useful these days. More often than not it doesn't get me anywhere, and perhaps even takes me a few steps back; I wonder why I can't seem to stop myself, but I could come up with a plethora of reasons for that in a moment, and it still wouldn't get me anywhere.
I had to say goodbye to Caleb at the airport and all I could do is stand there and cry. No more snuggling til he comes to visit again. I really miss him. :(
Drove an hour in nasty traffic to get 3 hours of electro today, where she turned the machine up to "11". The last hour was torture, as the numbing cream had worn off. I thought I'd be cleared in that time, but far from it, as she spent what seemed like forever in areas that aren't really that noticeable. Then it took almost 2 hours in heavy traffic to get home to ice my face, when I noticed she left quite a few on my chin.
6 hours of hell, $279, 5 gallons of gas and I still have a few stragglers on my chin.
Guess I'm doing it yet again next week. *le sigh* When does it end? 6 laser sessions, 48 hours of electro and I still feel like she's playing whack-a-mole with my face. It seems like it's been 99% gone for weeks now.
My disgusting brother acts like he can't aim at the toilet and leaving the mess there....I had to find out the hard way by feeling a wet patch on my shorts. My mom asked me how do I know it's urine and not water. I'm not going to try and prove it because in my mind, he is GUILTY until proven innocent. I told him to clean that mess up and he did.....no resisting either.
A really good friend of mine is harming himself and wants to die and is afraid of getting help. I'm really worried about him and because we live far away from each other, there's not much that I can do, other than tell him how much I care about him. :icon_cry2:
I have another really good friend who has severe health problems and since I haven't heard from her in quite some time, I'm fearing the worst. :icon_cry2:
On top of it all, the fact that I'm getting divorced is hitting me really hard. :icon_cry2:
Overnight forcast: -30oC
Quote from: Shantel on November 19, 2013, 05:32:10 PM
In the emotional closet now ???
Quote from: Keaira Raine on November 19, 2013, 09:33:20 PM
I had to say goodbye to Caleb at the airport and all I could do is stand there and cry. No more snuggling til he comes to visit again. I really miss him. :(
I had to leave a piece of my heart behind again. I like a lot of things about home, but I need her too.
Quote from: kabit on November 19, 2013, 09:30:08 PMhttp://susans.org/wiki/Informed_consent
Looks like the only places to get that are NYC, Olympia, San Diego, and Seattle. NYC is a 15 minute flight, a transfer, and then another 2-3 hour flight. Can't say that's close.
I know there is one in Chicago and in Philly. There are ones not listed and you may have to search a bit for them.
Here is a place to start.
http://www.transgendermichigan.org/transpages/d.html
From their site:
Lansing
Dr. Berry Saltman, 5135 S Pennsylvania, Lansing, MI, 517-887-5922.
Kermith A. Scarlett, DO, 4902 S. Cedar St, Lansing, MI 48910, 517-394-6500. "Dr. Scarlett has a number of TG patients and is very supportive, however he is not a hormone specialist. You may want to consult with another doctor first, if you do not already have a hormone plan." --R.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on November 19, 2013, 09:49:55 PM
A really good friend of mine is harming himself and wants to die and is afraid of getting help. I'm really worried about him and because we live far away from each other, there's not much that I can do, other than tell him how much I care about him. :icon_cry2:
I have another really good friend who has severe health problems and since I haven't heard from her in quite some time, I'm fearing the worst. :icon_cry2:
On top of it all, the fact that I'm getting divorced is hitting me really hard. :icon_cry2:
Oh no Amy! I hope your friends are okay! But make sure you take care of yourself too! Goodness knows divorce is a difficult time...
Can't sleep and the sudden urge to cry after writing is hitting me hard, but the salty release just won't flow.
Quote from: PaleDragoness on November 20, 2013, 02:50:50 AM
Can't sleep and the sudden urge to cry after writing is hitting me hard, but the salty release just won't flow.
Here, this should help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYcfo9H-j0U
That actually made me smile and laugh a little bit. Kinda felt I should have watched it while on acid for some reason.
Took about 30 minutes to force myself outta bed today.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 20, 2013, 02:06:02 AMI know there is one in Chicago and in Philly. There are ones not listed and you may have to search a bit for them.
Here is a place to start.
http://www.transgendermichigan.org/transpages/d.html
From their site:
Lansing
Dr. Berry Saltman, 5135 S Pennsylvania, Lansing, MI, 517-887-5922.
Kermith A. Scarlett, DO, 4902 S. Cedar St, Lansing, MI 48910, 517-394-6500. "Dr. Scarlett has a number of TG patients and is very supportive, however he is not a hormone specialist. You may want to consult with another doctor first, if you do not already have a hormone plan." --R.
I have a hormone plan, I just need a letter. So if my psychaiatrist is unwilling to write a letter, I have two solid backups who I know who will take little time in getting there, and one who may or may not.
I had a bad dream last night.
Did you ask them about informed consent? That was the purpose of the list, informed consent clinics, no letter needed.
I went for help with my heating bills since I am basically not working. A month later they ask for my former name because social security don't know who I am even though my card and name has been changed for years. GGRR, I hate people like this.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 20, 2013, 04:10:35 PMDid you ask them about informed consent? That was the purpose of the list, informed consent clinics, no letter needed.
That's what I meant about solid backups. I still thing going with the psychiatrist on campus is best, keeps the paper trail to a minimum, plus I know insurance covers this, for the ICCs, I have no idea if they will.
Waking up, looking in the mirror, looking at last night's pictures, it made me feel awful. And It's just compounding that I'm trying to find a safe place to get dressed for the vigil tonight.
That is fine, I was just replying to you asking about informed consent clinics. Use them or not.
Worked on the road... with a raunchy install team. I was incredibly good, though quiet. There was another guy there who was pretty quiet, kept to himself. It wasn't that bad... but I wasn't on Susan's at all and it was a long day. Dysphoria was only moderate to low.
It's most difficult to use the bathroom (I'm always doing #2... though not really :().
On top of all this, the grandparent's state has worsened and my family worries me,d espite them accusing me of being another cause on their depression just for the fact of being transgender and that they still can't accept it and are hurt and in pain. There is no way of accepting, but they won't go to therapy or see a shrink or anything.
I'm going to be out for a long time. Transition advancements have to be postponed. Currently I have to battle the hardest legal battle in my life. We found with the trade union that there is a huge ilegallity in my contract. if I get enough prood and work friends to testify, if I win they will be forced to hire me directly instead of through a client - enterprise relationship. After that comes stage 2: Suing for anxiety, mobbing and discrimination. But the Stage 2 is useless if I am not working.
I have started the proof collection (the emails I still have access, time registries, my 60 page manual with photos taken by me... And signed papers detailing exactly which day I've been there every month.)
I almost forgot. On the way to take Caleb back to the airport, he and Angie talked about the bottom surgery, which made me very dysphoric because angie doesnt want me to have any surģeries. -_-
We didn't talk about bottom surgery? =/ I listened to her talk about...my God whatever it was she was talking about. I was tired and just wanted to sit in silence lol. I literally don't remember saying anything about bottom surgery unless Angie was saying something and I nodded to make it look like I was listening. lmao
Quote from: PaleDragoness on November 20, 2013, 05:56:14 AM
That actually made me smile and laugh a little bit. Kinda felt I should have watched it while on acid for some reason.
It always gets me. Maybe it was because I was away from my parents for a while during childhood...
Worrying about a friend. She hasn't been in contact all day, and I keep leaping toward the worst case. She usually emails by now; she didn't yesterday or today and logic tries to reassure me that she's just otherwise occupied, but... *Tugs hair* We both seem to be going through rough patches in life, and she seemed pretty down when I saw her last. My anxiety seems to be peaking again, so this has grabbed its attention; it's making me feel sick, but I can't seem to make myself stop worrying.
Well I just woke up and I think I slept almost all of yesterday and I feel like I've been up for a week. I eat right, don't drink till I drop, don't really eat sweets, drink a crap ton of coffee, don't know whats going on. This has been a normal occurrence for a very long time, but it's been a longer time since I slept almost a full 24 hours for no reason and when I get up I want to go back to sleep. Should I turn myself into a bear and hibernate or something?
My son is sick and my wife works today... I'm staying home ~ yet more sick leave - I've been taking soooo much lately :( - I have the leave to take, but it would be better if I didn't have to. I also have an important meeting today that my BB just told me about (since I was away for work and out of comms all day).
Just wishing for a real hug...
Quote from: Xhianil on November 21, 2013, 11:14:57 AM
Just wishing for a real hug...
I totally would if I could!! I could use one too.
I just want to be held in love... to feel protected... to feel that someone is completely on my side for once.
i'm very close to a complete nervous breakdown
various factors are really making it tough right now.
Quote from: ZootAllures/BlackNapkins! on November 21, 2013, 12:41:51 PM
i'm very close to a complete nervous breakdown
various factors are really making it tough right now.
Heart felt warmth in your direction...
Misinterpreted intentions.
Snow
I feel like falling over
Quote from: Cindy on November 22, 2013, 05:16:44 AM
Why Honey?
Woke up and I feel like I was drained while I slept. I feel 100 times more tired than before I went to sleep and sick to my stomach on top of it. Breathing heavy and muscles aching like I ran the NY city marathon. Had the lingering urge to vomit for a while.
Sounds like a virus. Fluids, warm lemon tea soothes. Get to your Dr if it persists honey.
We are here if you feel miserable.
If it is Viral this is the first in years, but when it happens it hits with the power of a nuclear blast. I think the last time I got really sick had fever up around 105 for the better part of 8 days. Slept with about 4 layers of clothing on cause I felt the next ice age was coming, drank so much water I thought I became the ocean. Unfortunately if it's that time, I don't have a primary dr to go to. More or less I just wait it out and let it do it's thing before it passes. No money to appt or for medicine. Bleh, I'm still smiling though. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment haha.
Quote from: PaleDragoness on November 22, 2013, 06:15:07 AM
If it is Viral this is the first in years, but when it happens it hits with the power of a nuclear blast. I think the last time I got really sick had fever up around 105 for the better part of 8 days. Slept with about 4 layers of clothing on cause I felt the next ice age was coming, drank so much water I thought I became the ocean. Unfortunately if it's that time, I don't have a primary dr to go to. More or less I just wait it out and let it do it's thing before it passes. No money to appt or for medicine. Bleh, I'm still smiling though. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment haha.
Maybe have a chant, if I can deal with this I can deal with dilation!!
Well I should, hopefully, be fine. I'm just trying to keep calm. I've got really bad panic disorder that likes to kick in whenever it wants, even if I don't really trigger it. Kinda like my body won't listen to my brain. It's also ready trying to come out (my fingers, toes, and face are starting to tingle). If it hits full swing, hospital I go. I can't control my body once it gets going. Feels like my skin is falling off, heart beat through the ceiling, eyes start blinking a million times a minute. Not fun and no medication for it.
Hugs honey
-hugs- =]
Sometimes all we can is to love and hold each other.
I don't remember the last time I was ever hugged in general. Not even the hi how are you hug. I really think if I ever got really hugged I'd probably cry my eyes out.
-43oC
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
No one should be without a hug. My arms are open, cuddle in my sister
Cindy
I failed at going through and telling my sister and brother in law last night. Guess I'm going to have to go the email route to let the cat out of the bag.
Walking in 21F weather+tons of wind is NOT fun.
Feel like I've lost my friends. Whether or not I really did.
Yesterday was a messed up day
The washing machine didn't spin out correctly so it took forever to dry my clothes that I had to hang up everywhere all over my little apt. even though I had run them in the dryer twice :P
Then I went to a 'pot luck' Thanksgiving dinner in the lobby and my mashed potatoes that I had brought were insulted and ruined by a some brain dead mindless creeps >:(
Quote from: V M on November 22, 2013, 09:25:57 AM
The washing machine didn't spin out correctly so it took forever to dry my clothes that I had to hang up everywhere all over my little apt. even though I had run them in the dryer twice :P
My washer broke and overflowed yesterday, weird...
P.s. Love your new avatar kat, it looks cute!
That general "I don't belong here and I have no actual friends" feeling combined with the message I just received that I will be paid $170 less per month from next year on..... :(
Quote from: Megumi on November 22, 2013, 08:17:17 AM
I failed at going through and telling my sister and brother in law last night. Guess I'm going to have to go the email route to let the cat out of the bag.
It's ok, it's not easy and at least you had the courage to try, great job hun.
I feel nasty even though I showered last night.
Time to shower again.
I had to go and buy boot polish and deodorant because I've been without for the last week and hadn't had any money until payday today. One of my friends from here came with me, and on the way there it ended coming out that I'd been suicidal in the past and he started getting weird with me. I know it's only because he's worried that I'll try something again even though I told him that I've been mostly okay for two years now, but it hurts to be treated differently because of stuff that happened in the past. Doesn't help that the first thing he said was "I don't agree with suicide". Yeah, I know, I don't either. I never wanted to hurt the people around me, but sometimes it seems like the only way out when you've been in pain for that long.
And then because he came with me I had to buy female deodorant. I can't even remember the last time I wore that stuff. I can't afford to just throw it away and get some more when I can escape on my own though, and I didn't think to take it back before I used it because I was desperate to put some on before I went out with people to Nandos. In the end I decided that it was too much effort to go and socialise, even though I'd said I was going for a week or two. At least I save money.
Quote from: AlexanderC on November 22, 2013, 01:26:46 PM
I had to go and buy boot polish and deodorant because I've been without for the last week and hadn't had any money until payday today. One of my friends from here came with me, and on the way there it ended coming out that I'd been suicidal in the past and he started getting weird with me. I know it's only because he's worried that I'll try something again even though I told him that I've been mostly okay for two years now, but it hurts to be treated differently because of stuff that happened in the past. Doesn't help that the first thing he said was "I don't agree with suicide". Yeah, I know, I don't either. I never wanted to hurt the people around me, but sometimes it seems like the only way out when you've been in pain for that long.
And then because he came with me I had to buy female deodorant. I can't even remember the last time I wore that stuff. I can't afford to just throw it away and get some more when I can escape on my own though, and I didn't think to take it back before I used it because I was desperate to put some on before I went out with people to Nandos. In the end I decided that it was too much effort to go and socialise, even though I'd said I was going for a week or two. At least I save money.
Why did you need to buy female deodorant? I know plenty of cis women who wear male deodorant, and vice versa. Heck, my mother and one of my brothers do. It wouldn't have raised suspicion, I don't think.
Quote from: Kristal on November 22, 2013, 02:39:24 PM
Why did you need to buy female deodorant? I know plenty of cis women who wear male deodorant, and vice versa. Heck, my mother and one of my brothers do. It wouldn't have raised suspicion, I don't think.
I walked up the aisle with my head down trying to think of a way out and he turned to the female side (I was hoping that they would be side by side so I could spot a bargain in the men's and get away with it that way). He was basically choosing it for me and my head was regretting going at all too much to cause a fight. I'm paranoid about anyone finding out, and I'm sure he's seen my leg hair and I wouldn't be surprised if he's noticed I don't wear bras. It wouldn't take much to put two and two together on me. Whatever its done now.
And I've had possibly the worst shower of my life. I'm still not believing that my mind was working that way. This place has stripped me of my identity, my name, anywhere I can be alone and feel safe, my personal space, and now it's taking my sanity. The things we do to be able to provide for our future families, eh?
Quote from: LordKAT on November 22, 2013, 08:33:13 AM
Feel like I've lost my friends. Whether or not I really did.
I know the feeling all too well. They are still there waiting for you. Your true friends will be there no matter what. If they aren't then I'm here =]
Dragons are cool. BTW, I hate ketchup. Guess I have to be friend and not lunch.
Friend sounds better than food. I'm fat enough haha.
Social dysphoria and a consequent headache. The former I've known for a long time, the latter not so much. No really good coping strategies for either right now.
Likely losing all connection to Susan's... Getting kicked out of a class... Going to face a lot of pain from my mother... Wanting just to die...
Quote from: Xhianil on November 22, 2013, 04:32:43 PM
Likely losing all connection to Susan's... Getting kicked out of a class... Going to face a lot of pain from my mother... Wanting just to die...
don't even think of suicide.
Quote from: AlexanderC on November 22, 2013, 02:47:18 PM
I walked up the aisle with my head down trying to think of a way out and he turned to the female side (I was hoping that they would be side by side so I could spot a bargain in the men's and get away with it that way). He was basically choosing it for me and my head was regretting going at all too much to cause a fight. I'm paranoid about anyone finding out, and I'm sure he's seen my leg hair and I wouldn't be surprised if he's noticed I don't wear bras. It wouldn't take much to put two and two together on me. Whatever its done now.
And I've had possibly the worst shower of my life. I'm still not believing that my mind was working that way. This place has stripped me of my identity, my name, anywhere I can be alone and feel safe, my personal space, and now it's taking my sanity. The things we do to be able to provide for our future families, eh?
I may have missed something. Did you join the military?
Quote from: Kristal on November 22, 2013, 05:16:13 PM
I may have missed something. Did you join the military?
Not quite, although I'm living on a naval base at the moment, meaning I have to wear a security badge all the time so there goes passing with strangers. I'm in a shared room with the girls and treated as such. I'm used to being perceived as female because I've not been able to come out yet, but not used to being lumped in with girls and treated like one. It was a last minute job, and I didn't have enough time to arrange things, or inform my employer that I'm trans. Plus I was fearful that if I brought it up again my parents would decide that I wasn't sane enough to go and I'd lose my best chance at getting a good career that I want to do.
Quote from: Xhianil on November 22, 2013, 04:32:43 PM
Likely losing all connection to Susan's... Getting kicked out of a class... Going to face a lot of pain from my mother... Wanting just to die...
You are not allowed to die. Contact us from the local library if you have to. Is it possible that one less class may be actually helpful? Sometimes it helps to have more time to devote to other causes. I wish I could help with the mother part.
I don't know how to help, and it bothers me that you are going through this in a bad way.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 22, 2013, 05:32:36 PM
You are not allowed to die. Contact us from the local library if you have to.
I'd rather not have someone look over and see me on there, worsening my pain, plus i have no way to get there.
QuoteIs it possible that one less class may be actually helpful? Sometimes it helps to have more time to devote to other causes.
Just going to have to pick up another...
I want to stop HRT. Nothing has helped, and I'm worried about my help. 18 months ago I suffered from a major depressive episode that thought had finally stopped with the drugs and HRT. In July I started suffering depression and anxiety again after things got worse at work.
The truth is that it probably never went away. And my life died with it. I haven't had any real interest in life for the last 18 months, and transition was the only goal that made me move forwards. Now I just feel it hasn't been worth it. All the trip has just depressed me even more. Hormones never really changed my mood. Maybe my body image problems stopped (I stopped crying by just watching myself at the mirror, but the rest just got worse. I've been taking drugs nearly non stop from october to July, and now I can't stop ruminating if stopping the medication was the cause of losing my job. I just keep going in circles. I know that I was treated badly, greatly abused and that the amount of pain I endured made everything worse. Maybe I would have hold the blows better on medication?
I feel like drowning. a hole in my chest that keeps growing bigger and burning everything. I have a too big stone I can't remove, and a lot of painful paths.
I always said that I would never ever back down on transition since I had that pride, but what worth is pride? I'll go back to my sad past life. Every direction is bad, and I just want to get down from the life bus.
The pub by girlfriend works in was hit by a car tonight. Two teenagers died, one on the scene, one in hospital. She's completely shaken, and I want nothing more than to be able to hug her, and convince her that she couldn't have done anything more to help than call the emergency services and get someone out to them as quickly as possible.
I was reading the thread title, 99 problems. I too have 99 problems, each one being a lack of 99 benjamins.
It's only 830, I'm bored, and I want to just go to bed, but it's too early.
And I need better mallgoing clothes.
"Waking up," as an acquaintance of mine would say.
I got accused of spamming in the chat, of "copying & pasting from a script."
That didn't set me off though, it's thoughts of my life ... my mother being in a dementia ward and I hadn't bothered socializing with her for the decade we had together. She just never left home at the time. We always had lived in the same house for most of my life (sad about that) and shared it with my abusive father til he died basically in 2003 (pity him now rather than hate), I mourn all the things I lost...
Things like writing journals where I hand-wrote down notes. 2005 I lost like ten of those I'd written within that year or so... things like most of the furniture in the house we had. We lost the house itself because I couldn't care give for my mother and she couldn't take care of herself.
I mourn the doggy we had who was so decrepit at her death we had to put her to sleep (couldn't walk, lay in her own filth in the living room), I mourn the life I could have had.
I'm angry I didn't take up that police officer's offer to find me a new home when I was 18 after dad assaulted me.... So much anger....
I hate being brushed aside and swept under the rug because I'm mentally ill.
Freezing cold weather, mostly because my food goes cold too quickly :P But also because it costs too much in electricity to run the heater
Quote from: V M on November 24, 2013, 07:48:57 AMFreezing cold weather, mostly because my food goes cold too quickly :P But also because it costs too much in electricity to run the heater
Or in my case, having to run across a courtyard in 15 degree (Fahrenheit) temperatures just to get a cup of coffee at the caf.
I want to talk to someone but I'm sitting alone, and I'm awfull at talking via phone or internets...
Quote from: NathanielM on November 24, 2013, 07:59:52 AMI want to talk to someone but I'm sitting alone, and I'm awfull at talking via phone or internets...
I can only really do it over internet. I'm a terrible phone talker, and not much better at RL talking.
I can relate (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
Quote from: Willow on November 24, 2013, 08:03:54 AM
I can only really do it over internet. I'm a terrible phone talker, and not much better at RL talking.
I can relate (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
I need to try the skype. I could really use girl voice help... and I can't talk into a mic just to record -- I need someone on the other end! (My totally awesome microphone ~ Blue Snowball ~ is going to WASTE).
Quote from: kabit on November 24, 2013, 08:06:10 AMI need to try the skype. I could really use girl voice help... and I can't talk into a mic just to record -- I need someone on the other end! (My totally awesome microphone ~ Blue Snowball ~ is going to WASTE).
I'd Skype you, but no privacy :(
Kabit, what kinda practice? Just a regular convo? I've got skype.
Quote from: hurin19067 on November 24, 2013, 08:39:31 AM
Kabit, what kinda practice? Just a regular convo? I've got skype.
Yeah. :) I can't do it now (heading out w/ kids soon) but that would be awesome :D
My skype ID is KabtTarah
I hate arguing with people who think they know a subject I have spent years studying better than I do.
I hate it when people are so arrogant, they think they know me better than I know myself even though they just met me.
I hate it when people are so arrogant, they think they can dictate what I "have" to do and what I "should" think about other people.
I'm worried about my son and I don't know what to do. People keep giving me this really stupid advice or useless (and sometimes sketchy) comments and it makes this all even more frustrating. I don't say that lightly. Some of them are seriously sketchy.
Quote from: Edge on November 24, 2013, 02:47:27 PM
I hate arguing with people who think they know a subject I have spent years studying better than I do.
I hate it when people are so arrogant, they think they know me better than I know myself even though they just met me.
I hate it when people are so arrogant, they think they can dictate what I "have" to do and what I "should" think about other people.
I'm worried about my son and I don't know what to do. People keep giving me this really stupid advice or useless (and sometimes sketchy) comments and it makes this all even more frustrating. I don't say that lightly. Some of them are seriously sketchy.
The best advice I ever received was, "Listen to it all, use what you can, disregard the rest."
As to arrogance and knowing better than I when I have years more experience, I work with a lady like that now. She was most unhappy to have others let her know how long I had been there. It probably didn't help that most think rather highly of my work.
Just thinking how ridiculous it is to have an official diagnosis, but no letter for HRT.
I just want it to be Wednesday already.
That nasty black dog has me firmly by my ankle today and needs to let go... either that or I just really need to pull my head outta my a$$. :P
No specific problem or issue, just everything feels blah. That's life, eh? Gonna take today off work, that should hopefully lift my mood.
Quote from: Ms Grace on November 24, 2013, 05:24:06 PM
That nasty black dog has me firmly by my ankle today and needs to let go... either that or I just really need to pull my head outta my a$$. :P
No specific problem or issue, just everything feels blah. That's life, eh? Gonna take today off work, that should hopefully lift my mood.
Please tell me that's a Nick Drake reference?
Frustrated that I have such great music and art in my head, but can't put it down on paper, can't figure out how to use software to make the music or art.
Was I truly meant to be a creative person?
Quote from: AlexanderC on November 24, 2013, 05:56:28 PM
Please tell me that's a Nick Drake reference?
"Black Dog" is a common expression in Australia for depression, probably has it's roots in Nick Drake's Black Eyed Dog song... dunno! :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FJTyGGX9.jpg&hash=7f0b48bd3e2e22f368adfdee4b641fa927e73859)
:(
I can basically never convince my wife it isn't my fault. I didn't choose to bury being trans*. I didn't choose to keep it buried when we got married. I didn't choose to keep it buried until now... and I didn't really choose to come OOTC now! If that were a choice, I might well have made the other one ~ to keep it buried until I died... if just for the family.
Coming out when I did was circumstantial... a confluence of dysphoria. It likely would have happened sooner or later, but this was the perfect storm of dysphoria triggering conditions at the perfect time in my life ~ when I couldn't care less about what people thought of me.
Still am feeling the same as Friday...
Morons telling me I should have contact with my toxic family.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on November 25, 2013, 03:20:26 PM
I miss my chat friends.
*hugs* i know how that is, I'm missing the heck outta my boyfriend.
My reading in bed turned into a 3 hour nap.
Quote from: big head horsey-faced marsh monster on November 25, 2013, 05:16:26 PM
Not used to just cooking for one yet.
Poor baby, fix a couple of extra hot dogs and I'll be right over!
Having that sluggish feeling (full stomach) after a meal.....
Quote from: Willow on November 24, 2013, 06:08:07 PM
Frustrated that I have such great music and art in my head, but can't put it down on paper, can't figure out how to use software to make the music or art.
Was I truly meant to be a creative person?
Maybe you just need the right time of day and mood to jot it down.
Going to sad posts to cheer the OP up...
And becoming sad yourself. :(
That moment when I had to take my makeup off and begin to get ready for bed. I don't want to get up and go out in male mode to go to work tomorrow.... I went from wow I actually look half way good to oh my god there's that guy again :(
I feel like I want to crush my head.
Quote from: Willow on November 25, 2013, 10:25:32 PM
I feel like I want to crush my head.
Nooo! I'd miss you too much! :(
Things will get better.
Quote from: Megumi on November 25, 2013, 10:10:33 PM
That moment when I had to take my makeup off and begin to get ready for bed. I don't want to get up and go out in male mode to go to work tomorrow.... I went from wow I actually look half way good to oh my god there's that guy again :(
Ugh, I hate that guy. He's always messing up my mirror. Stupid jerk...
Anywho, on the subject of my own unhappiness, my Internet was off for half of the day today. No idea why, it just disappeared, then returned as mysteriously as it left.
I am praying to whatever deity is up there that my master's degree is going to be the light at the end of a very long and annoying tunnel. My mom just made the assumption that if my middle brother doesn't buy the truck, my youngest brother gets it. Hi, I'm 24, I have my learner's permit (YB does not), IO have an income (YB does not), and I have been spending the past 7 years busting my balls and my bank account to get myself an education. Which meant putting my transition, as well as nice little extras like a vehicle, on hold. I think it should be my turn.
Please God just let me get a decent job.
I asked what my younger brother would need a truck for and he said "to work." Uh huh. OK Princess. Your pets and whatnot have all demonstrated that you clearly lack the motivation and responsibility for a vehicle.
Quote from: caleb. on November 25, 2013, 11:55:55 PM
I am praying to whatever deity is up there that my master's degree is going to be the light at the end of a very long and annoying tunnel. My mom just made the assumption that if my middle brother doesn't buy the truck, my youngest brother gets it. Hi, I'm 24, I have my learner's permit (YB does not), IO have an income (YB does not), and I have been spending the past 7 years busting my balls and my bank account to get myself an education. Which meant putting my transition, as well as nice little extras like a vehicle, on hold. I think it should be my turn.
Please God just let me get a decent job.
I asked what my younger brother would need a truck for and he said "to work." Uh huh. OK Princess. Your pets and whatnot have all demonstrated that you clearly lack the motivation and responsibility for a vehicle.
Dude, your family sounds like a bunch of jerks. I mean, they're not kicking you out, so that's something, but they're also poisoning you. I think it's worse to stay around cruel people than to be rejected by them. That's just me, though. I assume there's a reason (most likely monetary) why you need to still be there?
My back hurts.
Plumbing blowout. Unregulated 200psi made a huge splash in my driveway. I hope the idiot plumber who put it in last year fixes it free.
Unhappy being alone. :(
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 26, 2013, 02:02:18 AM
Unhappy being alone. :(
Have FURRY HUG. I know it ain't quite the same but it is best I can do on long distance notice.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nitewindes.com%2Falcwleopardct2.jpg&hash=f74228c434b3c560adb691560ef92b433db5b2c3)
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 26, 2013, 02:02:18 AM
Unhappy being alone. :(
You and I are gonna have to get together some time soon!
Quote from: Kristal on November 26, 2013, 01:02:28 AM
Dude, your family sounds like a bunch of jerks. I mean, they're not kicking you out, so that's something, but they're also poisoning you. I think it's worse to stay around cruel people than to be rejected by them. That's just me, though. I assume there's a reason (most likely monetary) why you need to still be there?
Yeah, its the cash lol. I like home for the most part too but little stuff like that gets to me.
All the sad on this thread! :(
And my family--my stepdad's father died suddenly on Friday. He's in NC & the funeral is today in Delaware. Car died before he even got outta' town; no buses or trains in their area, no rental cars till Friday and the airport near them is closed. :/ To top it all off, my grandma hasn't been behaving at all since they moved to NC in September, and she's still being mean even knowing his father died.
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 26, 2013, 02:02:18 AM
Unhappy being alone. :(
Have a *hug* from another hemisphere.
Quote from: Valerie on November 26, 2013, 05:59:32 AM
All the sad on this thread! :(
And my family--my stepdad's father died suddenly on Friday.
I'm sorry for your loss. :(
Quote from: Valerie on November 26, 2013, 05:59:32 AM
All the sad on this thread! :(
And my family--my stepdad's father died suddenly on Friday. He's in NC & the funeral is today in Delaware. Car died before he even got outta' town; no buses or trains in their area, no rental cars till Friday and the airport near them is closed. :/ To top it all off, my grandma hasn't been behaving at all since they moved to NC in September, and she's still being mean even knowing his father died.
:(
I'm sorry for your loss... it's really terrible circumstances that your stepfather can't make it to the funeral :( he must be devistated. At least he has support in you.
Thanks...y'all are super sweet. I'm sad he died, not because I knew him well, but because I liked him the one time I did,meet him. I'm more upset for my step-dad's ->-bleeped-<-ty circumstances...if they were still in Jersey, it woulda' been easier. They've had one bad thing after another happen since relocating. Hugs all around for your kindness....
Lost internet connection completely last night, don't leave me Susan's! :D
Christmas music. Ugh. I hate it.
Quote from: Willow on November 26, 2013, 09:49:57 AM
Christmas music. Ugh. I hate it.
Seriously. I keep shouting "IT'S NOVEMBER!" at my radio, but it doesn't work.
BAH! HUMBUG!
Saw a commercial today for Southland Park Gaming & Racing that had people talking about stuff and realized it was something else or rather. Anyway, the very last person was a guy laying in bed with a woman and said "I found out she is a he" and then looked confused. That infuriated me. Makes me hope I don't become something to gape and laugh at when I transition. :-\
Thinking about death again. Bleh
I ate enough for three dinners. And I'm still hungry.
Last night the sewer in the street got blocked and resulted in our sewer pipe breaking and my garage being flooded with raw smelly brown stuff, yes that's right. Disgusting!
Nasty stuff. No one else seemed to care so I had to spend till midnight trying to clean it all up before the cleanup crew from Sydney water came this morning. The crap was beyond words besides the smell!
Clean for now but it shows just how many people care in my block about how and where they live.
J
Internet connection keeps conking out.
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 26, 2013, 06:54:24 PM
Last night the sewer in the street got blocked and resulted in our sewer pipe breaking and my garage being flooded with raw smelly brown stuff, yes that's right. Disgusting!
Nasty stuff. No one else seemed to care so I had to spend till midnight trying to clean it all up before the cleanup crew from Sydney water came this morning. The crap was beyond words besides the smell!
Clean for now but it shows just how many people care in my block about how and where they live.
J
That's sad how disconnected people have become from caring for neighbors, it's not just a typically Australian problem, it's American and everywhere else Jenny!
Quote from: Malachite on November 26, 2013, 07:36:40 PM
Internet connection keeps conking out.
Probably because you and Miss Shaina are burning it up.... :D ;D :laugh:
foggy mountain top aka bad headache
Struggling with trying to improve the sound of some live audio that was recorded on a stupid phone. I can't fix this stuff no matter what I do. It really sucks and is depressing.
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on November 26, 2013, 10:01:43 PM
Struggling with trying to improve the sound of some live audio that was recorded on a stupid phone. I can't fix this stuff no matter what I do. It really sucks and is depressing.
garbage in/garbage out, Miss B
I'm scared for tomorrow. It could make or break me. I don't know if dressing for therapy will increase my chances of getting a letter. I see the scenarios; two ifi get the letter (I feel better because I know change is coming, or I feel worse because my body fights back by pumping more testosteronr) and one where I don't (I feel worse because change isn't coming.) I Misty try for the first scenario. I just don't know if it will happen.
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on November 26, 2013, 10:19:47 PM
garbage in/garbage out, Miss B
Yeah, I know. I'm just angry with myself for being so stupid and not doing what I should have so that things would have worked out.
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 26, 2013, 06:54:24 PM
Last night the sewer in the street got blocked and resulted in our sewer pipe breaking and my garage being flooded with raw smelly brown stuff, yes that's right. Disgusting!
eyew! Boo to pooh! :icon_blah:
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 26, 2013, 06:54:24 PM
Last night the sewer in the street got blocked and resulted in our sewer pipe breaking and my garage being flooded with raw smelly brown stuff, yes that's right. Disgusting!
Nasty stuff. No one else seemed to care so I had to spend till midnight trying to clean it all up before the cleanup crew from Sydney water came this morning. The crap was beyond words besides the smell!
Clean for now but it shows just how many people care in my block about how and where they live.
J
I am not going to say anything!!!! Sydney. Mmmmmm
Quote from: Shantel on November 26, 2013, 07:40:57 PM
Probably because you and Miss Shaina are burning it up.... :D ;D :laugh:
Well.....I wouldn't doubt it. >.> lol I think it's jealous.
Quote from: Malachite on November 27, 2013, 04:03:23 AM
Well.....I wouldn't doubt it. >.> lol I think it's jealous.
Haha, yup we're too hot to handle! :P
Having to wait three and a half more days for my surgery appointment. Being off HRT is not fun either.
See also, "What made you happy today" as well.
Quote from: Shaina on November 27, 2013, 04:04:05 AM
Haha, yup we're too hot to handle! :P
You got that right. 8)
Quote from: Shaina on November 27, 2013, 04:04:05 AM
Haha, yup we're too hot to handle! :P
The smokin duo? :D
I had really bad dysphoria this morning, so I walked instead of taking the bus. Probably a bad idea in the dark but I can't stand to even sit still.
I'm really happy about the changes on T...I mean, I'm actually OK to speak up now because my voice doesn't make me hate myself. I love my body and facial hair, the fat redistribution, all of it. But I hate knowing that just under my clothes I'm still female. It makes me sick, and sometimes scared. And I've spent so long having trouble passing that now that I do, I don't fully believe it. And I'm scared to just "relax" and be myself because I'm just waiting for someone to spot me. I need to care less what others think, and I need to care less about how I am perceived.
Quote from: caleb. on November 27, 2013, 08:20:00 AM
I had really bad dysphoria this morning, so I walked instead of taking the bus. Probably a bad idea in the dark but I can't stand to even sit still.
I'm really happy about the changes on T...I mean, I'm actually OK to speak up now because my voice doesn't make me hate myself. I love my body and facial hair, the fat redistribution, all of it. But I hate knowing that just under my clothes I'm still female. It makes me sick, and sometimes scared. And I've spent so long having trouble passing that now that I do, I don't fully believe it. And I'm scared to just "relax" and be myself because I'm just waiting for someone to spot me. I need to care less what others think, and I need to care less about how I am perceived.
That's the key to it and everyone needs to get a handle on that!
My grandmother is in the hospital recovering from surgery to remove a blood clot before it was too late and had to amputate
Not exactly one of my favorites health complication, being on HRT and all.
More bad things: Higher levels of anxiety and depression after the worst and an incoming legal battle.
Even worse: Can't visit since the visitors level is already exceeded.
Really bad: My parents have loaded me with homemade food, a box full of natural apples from their hometown (directly from the tree), blankets to survive the winter... Which is a pain since they can't accept me, but you know, I don't care anymore. I don't live by the therapist's rules anymore, and if I keeping contact, relationships and work opportunities means having two presentation modes, I'm ok with it. After all, I know how I am myself and it is my transition: I tailor it to my life, not the opposite.
Quote from: big head horsey-faced marsh monster on November 27, 2013, 03:13:14 PM
And that is exactly how you should do it, your own way and at your own speed.
Yes. Very much agree. It really sounds like your therapist was manipulative and let you down terribly. Your journey should be directed by your needs not theirs.
Quote from: Ms Grace on November 27, 2013, 03:22:09 PM
Yes. Very much agree. It really sounds like your therapist was manipulative and let you down terribly. Your journey should be directed by your needs not theirs.
Wanna hear more? They denied me the letter. They just gave me a
human fecal wasty endo referral where it says that I have been on therapy for a year and I am apt for HRT. I have asked for it and they say they have nothing, and when I need it they will write it... The next time I see a shrink, in January.
So I'm claiming a copy of my medical record with them. Let's see if it is there.
No letter. I'm told I have to transfer to a dedicated gender therapist for this and meet with them for likely 3 months at minimum before I get a letter.
Why wasn't I told this at first? Was I not being taken seriously?
At least the resons for sending me elsewhere are justified, no matter how frustrating it is, and I have to agree with them.
I woke up with a sore left side of my throat which made my left jaw ache and click worse than it normally does, my left ear crackle when I swallow, and I think the left gland in my neck isn't too happy either. Now I think it's starting to spread across to the other side. If I wake up worse tomorrow, by the time I'm awake to realise the nurse will have already gone home and I'll have to go to work anyway, or not get paid. For all I know I've got something nasty and contagious (kinda hoping I have so I can move into the one man isolation room for a while...)
I think I have some internalized homophobia and transphobia going on. It's only directed towards me though. I feel considerable shame for being trans and embarrassed and ashamed for being attracted to another male. I know it doesn't make sense, but I still feel shame.
Quote from: Willow on November 27, 2013, 05:18:56 PM
No letter. I'm told I have to transfer to a dedicated gender therapist for this and meet with them for likely 3 months at minimum before I get a letter.
Why wasn't I told this at first? Was I not being taken seriously?
At least the resons for sending me elsewhere are justified, no matter how frustrating it is, and I have to agree with them.
I know exactly how you feel. It's beginning to seem like my therapist is a hardcore gatekeeper. Every time I make a huge step like coming out to my family, presenting as myself in public, getting RLE, going to support groups, meeting new people and building up a support network and even getting in contact with the endo to figure up costs for everything and build up a financial template showing that HRT is viable for me as it won't greatly impact my finances all I keep getting is well we will have to see how things go until next week with your family or X scenario. It's really beginning to tick me off as I actually feel great about myself and I know the next step in my transition is to begin HRT and yet a gate is in front of me that's called the endo has to have my therapist's letter as he wont do informed consent..... argghh.
Quote from: Megumi on November 27, 2013, 09:07:07 PMI know exactly how you feel. It's beginning to seem like my therapist is a hardcore gatekeeper. Every time I make a huge step like coming out to my family, presenting as myself in public, getting RLE, going to support groups, meeting new people and building up a support network and even getting in contact with the endo to figure up costs for everything and build up a financial template showing that HRT is viable for me as it won't greatly impact my finances all I keep getting is well we will have to see how things go until next week with your family or X scenario. It's really beginning to tick me off as I actually feel great about myself and I know the next step in my transition is to begin HRT and yet a gate is in front of me that's called the endo has to have my therapist's letter as he wont do informed consent..... argghh.
I'm in the same situation almost to the dot (except I refuse to go full time before hormones, just go out once and a while) and all I'm told is that "I'm making good progress, and great baby steps, but [I'm] not ready for the big step yet" and I'm sick of it and just want to ignore it all and find an informed consent clinic, even if I have to take the train to Chicago a few times. But that's also the reason I have to slow down and try to fix my emotions first.
I'm sorry you're having trouble, Meg.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
Ow dysphoria... ow, ow...
Avoid the Black Friday ads. I want boots, and clothes, and etc., and I just know tomorrow will be the absolute worst time to be shopping for my own wardrobe... (aside from being entirely unnoticed at doing it ;))
I still feel a lot of shame and freakishness today.
I woke up in the most godawful mood.
Quote from: kabit on November 28, 2013, 09:24:50 AMOw dysphoria... ow, ow...
Avoid the Black Friday ads. I want boots, and clothes, and etc., and I just know tomorrow will be the absolute worst time to be shopping for my own wardrobe... (aside from being entirely unnoticed at doing it ;))
I planned on doing some Internet shopping for clothes and such, but I still haven't founda way to load the cash I have to make it usable online.
Quote from: Willow on November 28, 2013, 10:47:45 AM
I planned on doing some Internet shopping for clothes and such, but I still haven't founda way to load the cash I have to make it usable online.
A prepaid debit card should do it. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 28, 2013, 10:53:36 AMA prepaid debit card should do it. Hugs, Devlyn
Thought about it, but those tend to have an activation fee attached. Every dollar is precious right now, especially with a potential financial crisis in the line for me.
Quote from: Dream Is Over on November 27, 2013, 04:11:20 PM
Wanna hear more? They denied me the letter. They just gave me a human fecal wasty endo referral where it says that I have been on therapy for a year and I am apt for HRT. I have asked for it and they say they have nothing, and when I need it they will write it... The next time I see a shrink, in January.
So I'm claiming a copy of my medical record with them. Let's see if it is there.
Wow, they're really jerking you around aren't they? I know they seem to do things much less with your needs in mind where you are from, but surely there are better health practitioners there who aren't so hardcore about being unfair. I hadn't realised that you had to do real life without HRT. When my shrink mentioned it once I shot him the dirtiest look and told him no way and he backed down pretty quickly. I had a letter not long after that...he probably realised I'd just go elsewhere.
Quote from: Willow on November 27, 2013, 05:18:56 PM
No letter. I'm told I have to transfer to a dedicated gender therapist for this and meet with them for likely 3 months at minimum before I get a letter.
Why wasn't I told this at first? Was I not being taken seriously?
At least the resons for sending me elsewhere are justified, no matter how frustrating it is, and I have to agree with them.
I'm really sorry to hear that Willow. Very unfair of them not to be more transparent about the process up front. Hugs. You mentioned an informed consent clinic, sounds like a good possibility if you can do it.
I found out that there will be no Cornish Hens this year. :(
It sucks but, oh well, we will have turkey (meh) instead, in addition to some lasagna since I have one family member that is ULTRA picky about what they eat. Yes...lasagna on Thanksgiving. :D
Thanksgiving, family, snideness. :P
Trying to watch a movie with my grandmother and grandfather. They couldn't understand it at all and they were complaining all the time! The movie was actually very good and sometimes I think they can only understand pathetic simple movies made for people without a brain! I ended up arguing with them about it!
Quote from: Ms Grace on November 28, 2013, 12:18:00 PMI'm really sorry to hear that Willow. Very unfair of them not to be more transparent about the process up front. Hugs. You mentioned an informed consent clinic, sounds like a good possibility if you can do it.
It's a 4 hour trip by train each way. But if I have to do it, I will.
My family thinks I'm a lesbian. And they're not being very nice about it either... ???
Quote from: Shaina on November 28, 2013, 06:59:18 PM
My family thinks I'm a lesbian. And they're not being very nice about it either... ???
That's not cool.
I think you would make a cute lesbian, though. ;D
Quote from: Shaina on November 28, 2013, 06:59:18 PMMy family thinks I'm a lesbian. And they're not being very nice about it either... ???
Because we had a picture of us together with you dressed as a guy?
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on November 28, 2013, 07:00:47 PM
That's not cool.
I think you would make a cute lesbian, though. ;D
Haha thanks a bunch! :)
Quote from: Willow on November 28, 2013, 07:04:15 PM
Because we had a picture of us together with you dressed as a guy?
Nope, I told them I liked a transgender guy. They misunderstood. However, that picture probably wouldn't have helped.
Quote from: Shaina on November 28, 2013, 07:08:33 PM
Haha thanks a bunch! :)
*Waves a watch in front of you*
You must join our wicked lesbian cabal...
Come on!!.......we have cookies.
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on November 28, 2013, 07:25:28 PM
*Waves a watch in front of you*
You must join our wicked lesbian cabal...
Come on!!.......we have cookies.
It's "wicked"? Okay sign me up, please! :D
Quote from: Shaina on November 28, 2013, 07:36:18 PM
It's "wicked"? Okay sign me up, please! :D
Well...Kathy thought so....but she is slowly coming around. ;) :D
Why is it that people who met me as a guy named Victor call me "she" even though they've known I'm a guy for the entire time they've known me?
All the communication with my mother I have, she's calling me "my boy"
I'm afraid she found out and is reacting negatively.
I am at my Brother-in-Law's for thanksgiving until Saturday. So they seem to take any chance they can to call me by my old name and male pronouns. I am so f-ing done! Its just one of the nails in the coffin in my failing marriage. I wish I was with Caleb. Speaking of my Honeybear, I miss him.
Edited for profanity
Quote from: Willow on November 28, 2013, 08:28:42 PM
All the communication with my mother I have, she's calling me "my boy"
I'm afraid she found out and is reacting negatively.
Ugh, I went through that with my mom but I just didn't respond to it making it a non-issue and she eventually gave up on it
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on November 28, 2013, 02:42:18 PM
I found out that there will be no Cornish Hens this year. :(
Fowl: extirpated in Cornwall.
Quote from: V M on November 28, 2013, 08:54:37 PMUgh, I went through that with my mom but I just didn't respond to it making it a non-issue and she eventually gave up on it
I'm just afraid of what went wrong. Will it be safe to go home for Christmas? There's too many variables.
Which is why I'm told to go to a dedicated therapist. Momday I must make a call to the only one who responded.
Quote from: Joules on November 28, 2013, 11:14:13 PMNot quite the same, but I'm going through similar with my brother. I think it just takes some time for the peeps in our lives to adjust to the change they are confronted with. The deeper the connection and longer the history, the more difficult the adjustment. Hugs and Happy Turkeys Willow.
P.S. Curious typo girlfriend... ;)
I'm just looking for acceptance for who I am, and not who I appeared to be for 19 years.
Well, I was on the phone with her for a long while :D
Quote from: Keaira Raine on November 28, 2013, 08:37:28 PM
I am at my Brother-in-Law's for thanksgiving until Saturday. So they seem to take any chance they can to call me by my old name and male pronouns. I am so f-ing done!
That really sucks. I've been similar situations before and it is no fun at all. Hang in there. :icon_hug:
Quote from: Shaina on November 28, 2013, 06:59:18 PM
My family thinks I'm a lesbian. And they're not being very nice about it either... ???
You're not a lesbian? Damn...
I had to have a talk with my mom about pronouns... AGAIN. One of her brothers came by for Thanksgiving, he'd been in prison for years (weed, or something stupid like that, you know how it goes) so this is the first time we've met him. Thing is, I had friended him on Facebook and explained the whole trans thing, and he was really cool about it.
So my mom is introducing us:
"These are my sons, B, C, and E. And this is my I don't know what it is.
I frown at her here This is [boyname] and he's decided he wants to be a woman and has renamed himself Crystal. (Okay, I don't know for sure that she spelled my name wrong while speaking it, but I wouldn't be surprised.)"
So I just left and cried for a while. Thanks, Mom. Thank you so very much.
I feel like a freak.
People piss me off.
I'm getting hairier than a wookie, specially from the waist down. I haven't shaved down there since the temperature dropped and I have 16-17º at home. Expending 30 minutes naked is far too painful, not to mention wetting my legs while and letting the water freeze instantly.
On the good side, my pubic hair growth rate has slowed down A LOT. If tomorrow I get up on time, I swear I will shave my legs while I swear everything I know.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2013%2F07%2F01%2Farticle-0-1A983B6D000005DC-797_634x353.jpg&hash=486d22e755e4940dc7bfaa4fe1b61d641418a8ce)
I wear female jeans, skinny jeans, and I get ridiculed for it at work, it sorta sucks. The officer in charge in my shop ( in the military) is a really macho guy so anything I do that is remotely feminine he points out to the entire shop to put me down, it's schoolyard crap but he still does it all the time. It reminds me of high school :( I know people are entitled to there own opinion but damn, he's the type to compare the gay marriage debate to pedophillia, he's so low
Quote from: Kaitlin4475 on November 29, 2013, 12:17:11 PM
I wear female jeans, skinny jeans, and I get ridiculed for it at work, it sorta sucks. The officer in charge in my shop ( in the military) is a really macho guy so anything I do that is remotely feminine he points out to the entire shop to put me down, it's schoolyard crap but he still does it all the time. It reminds me of high school :( I know people are entitled to there own opinion but damn, he's the type to compare the gay marriage debate to pedophillia, he's so low
I hear you Kaitlin, but maybe you ought to cool your jets about feminizing until you're out of the military. They will make it difficult until it becomes a case against you and you have to get a psyche eval. They could find cause to put you out with a less than honorable discharge which would trump your chances for Veteran's benefits. Think it through!
Quote from: Kaitlin4475 on November 29, 2013, 12:17:11 PM
I wear female jeans, skinny jeans, and I get ridiculed for it at work, it sorta sucks. The officer in charge in my shop ( in the military) is a really macho guy so anything I do that is remotely feminine he points out to the entire shop to put me down, it's schoolyard crap but he still does it all the time. It reminds me of high school :( I know people are entitled to there own opinion but damn, he's the type to compare the gay marriage debate to pedophillia, he's so low
Sounds like that dude might have some major issues with his own sexuality!
They took the shaven head option off of GTA V: Online which sucks because I wanted my character to look like Mike V.
Quote from: Ms Grace on November 29, 2013, 07:18:21 PM
Sounds like that dude might have some major issues with his own sexuality!
That's usually the case, but he's got the full force of the military establishment to back him up and make Kaitlin miserable. It shouldn't be so, but it is what it is.
Having that out-of-your-body kind of depression. It's so bad. :( I have absolutely nobody to talk to about it so forgive me for the ranting. I'm just so tired of being like this.
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on November 29, 2013, 09:18:19 PM
Having that out-of-your-body kind of depression. It's so bad. :( I have absolutely nobody to talk to about it so forgive me for the ranting. I'm just so tired of being like this.
We're all here for you Kittens, there is always someone to talk to
Just start talkin'
Hugs
I had to have an ultrasound today (bad undiagnosed cramps) and it drove my dysphoria through the roof...having to cover my chest with that sheet (I know men do it but the saggy boobs were oh so visible). And seeing my uterus, ovaries, etc on the screen just really made me feel uncomfortable.
The good news is, upon the doctor's initial examination, nothing seems immediately wrong with those organs. I'll know for sure in 3 days.
T has made so many things better for me, and my dysphoria has decreased overall. But it is still so bad sometimes. As soon as I get my hysto, I'm booking top surgery with Dr. G.
i wish i'd have the equipment to connect my record player to my computer (through a preamp of course, need the inverse RIAA and then i have to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow)
I had a conversation with my mom the night before last about misgendering and using my preferred name. She did the usual "I've known you for so long" spiel. I asked her to at least try. I told her that I didn't care as long as she corrected herself afterwards. She said she would. I thought we had a nice moment.
The next morning I woke up and heard her recounting the conversation with my father and my brother E. E has been very good about gendering me correctly and getting my name right. And yet he was right there with them using male pronouns and my boyname. They were complaining about how I was being rude and mean for asking them to get my name right.
It's such a huge burden that cis people bear, having to respect other people. I mean, who could possibly remember a name and set of simple pronouns? It's unthinkable!
Quote from: Kristal on November 30, 2013, 11:08:08 AM
I had a conversation with my mom the night before last about misgendering and using my preferred name. She did the usual "I've known you for so long" spiel. I asked her to at least try. I told her that I didn't care as long as she corrected herself afterwards. She said she would. I thought we had a nice moment.
The next morning I woke up and heard her recounting the conversation with my father and my brother E. E has been very good about gendering me correctly and getting my name right. And yet he was right there with them using male pronouns and my boyname. They were complaining about how I was being rude and mean for asking them to get my name right.
It's such a huge burden that cis people bear, having to respect other people. I mean, who could possibly remember a name and set of simple pronouns? It's unthinkable!
I'm not even nearly at that point and it astounds me how my family treats me. My parents defended my BIL to the end about his decision that I shouldn't see his kids again once I started transition (when? Who knows... I've already started :P). Above all, my wife's family has been more supportive and welcoming of me, but they're also probably (and probably rightly, though that certainly depends) under the assumption they'll see much less of me once my wife and I are divorced.
The worst part is that they talk. Not to me, they're talking to each other and making group decisions based on bigotry and bullsh.
The worst people during transition have to be family... mine are at the same time supportive and backstabbing, pleasant and derisive.
This year... I give thanks that I'm me and I'm alive and well enough to be me. My therapist, when we were going over my HRT letter (which he's writing now), seemed to think it was a miracle I made it this far (that is... to 35 years old) without transitioning or worse.
Quote from: caleb. on November 29, 2013, 10:24:12 PM
I had to have an ultrasound today (bad undiagnosed cramps) and it drove my dysphoria through the roof...having to cover my chest with that sheet (I know men do it but the saggy boobs were oh so visible). And seeing my uterus, ovaries, etc on the screen just really made me feel uncomfortable.
The good news is, upon the doctor's initial examination, nothing seems immediately wrong with those organs. I'll know for sure in 3 days.
T has made so many things better for me, and my dysphoria has decreased overall. But it is still so bad sometimes. As soon as I get my hysto, I'm booking top surgery with Dr. G.
This event could be a signal that those days are hastening, you never know!
I asked my mother to apologize and she said she had nothing to apologize for. That since she wasn't talking TO me, it doesn't matter how she refers to me. When I came out to her, she said she loved me and cared for me no matter what. I can see now that that was a lie. Her acceptance only lasts until I ask her to respect me as a woman. She told me that "There's more to being a woman than taking drugs to give yourself boobs and wearing women's underwear." I can't even f-ing deal with her right now. I've been full time at home for over a month, why is she so cruel!?
Edited for profanity
Quote from: Kristal on November 30, 2013, 01:37:21 PM
I asked my mother to apologize and she said she had nothing to apologize for. That since she wasn't talking TO me, it doesn't matter how she refers to me. When I came out to her, she said she loved me and cared for me no matter what. I can see now that that was a lie. Her acceptance only lasts until I ask her to respect me as a woman. She told me that "There's more to being a woman than taking drugs to give yourself boobs and wearing women's underwear." I can't even f-ing deal with her right now. I've been full time at home for over a month, why is she so cruel!?
Edited for profanity
Big hugs hun. I'm sorry to hear that your getting so much grief from your mom.
They imported the Black Friday thing... There was a 20% discount on everything and obviously... They are out of stock for my size. Now I have to wait several days, but whatever. That sweater would have been rather comfy in the middle of this cold wave.
It's too late to be awake but I can't sleep, and have the munchies.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 12:37:37 AM
It's too late to be awake but I can't sleep, and have the munchies.
Misery loves company, so here I am! :D It's too late to be awake but I can't sleep, and I have the hack-up-a-lung-sies.
Quote from: Valerie on December 01, 2013, 01:16:24 AMMisery loves company, so here I am! :D It's too late to be awake but I can't sleep, and I have the hack-up-a-lung-sies.
Ouch, you poor thing, you need cough medicine.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 01:18:13 AM
Ouch, you poor thing, you need cough medicine.
I've not had a cold in over a year and a half & my buddy gave me his. First symptoms a few hours ago--and no meds till Friday (payday). I've got plenty of honey, though, so mebbe' can use it to coat my throat.
And YOU....you need: Pringles, German wafer cookies, Ben-N-Jerries ice cream, a good book, and a kitty in your lap. :)
Quote from: Valerie on December 01, 2013, 01:27:46 AMI've not had a cold in over a year and a half & my buddy gave me his. First symptoms a few hours ago--and no meds till Friday (payday). I've got plenty of honey, though, so mebbe' can use it to coat my throat.
And YOU....you need: Pringles, German wafer cookies, Ben-N-Jerries ice cream, a good book, and a kitty in your lap. :)
That's sad that you can't even afford couch medicine :(
Ice cream, no, can't handle that at this hour. But a kitty, yes. Kitty do want. And snacks.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 01:42:10 AM
That's sad that you can't even afford couch medicine :(
Ice cream, no, can't handle that at this hour. But a kitty, yes. Kitty do want. And snacks.
Oh, I just budgeted unwisely is all. I'll have your ice cream. My boys are here cuddled up near me wondering why I'm not horizontal. How about gingersnaps? And did you know they taste yummy with apple butter?
I think I'm chill to be alone and let go of trans people and be sure I never see another suicide, but I can't guarantee that. I keep trying to forget past normal stuff, teenage deaths, dumb young recklessness, anything that riles up mawkishness and pointless emotion, but I'm clearly not the captain of my own ship.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 01:42:10 AM
That's sad that you can't even afford couch medicine :(
Ice cream, no, can't handle that at this hour. But a kitty, yes. Kitty do want. And snacks.
A kitty might be nice..... but they don't hop, per se ;)
That odd depression that hits all to often, fell asleep thinking dark thoughts and the best way to go about it and how it might effect my friends and family :-\
Woke up and the black dog still has me by the knickers :P
Susans stopped working for me for about an hour.
You know what would be nice? If people didn't suck. If the people who claim to be my friends actually wanted to talk to me and showed it by saying "hi" sometimes without me saying "hi" first. I'm sick of running after people who insist that I need to trust them, but never do anything that would indicate they even want to talk to me never mind be trusted.
Quote from: AlexanderC on December 01, 2013, 10:16:44 AM
Susans stopped working for me for about an hour.
Me too just as I was about to send an answer to a pm which went off to cyberspace la-la land...Aaarrrrgh!
I'm in the middle of T-tension & general dysphoria right now... trying to just act as normally as possible...
Had a totally creepy dream. Don't want it happening, not at all.
I mentioned this to Caleb earlier, but...
I feel like HRT hasnt done a lot for me. Im still strong as an ox, and pretty muscular.
I miss my father, but he's an idiot. There are some things i shouldn't have said, but he is an idiot. The worst kind. I no longer have a father if you ask me, biologically he is my father, but for me he's somebody i used to or thought i knew.
I know I've whined a lot today, but seriously, this has really annoyed me right now. I let a girl in my room borrow £10 off me at the end of last month so she could afford a meal and a drink with us as she was already at the pub, I also lent £20 to someone else for the same reason. They paid me back like I knew they would. I assumed that she would pay me back as well as she gets really snide at people who don't pay her back. She said she'd pay me back when her sister gave her £400 or so in cash, so I left it until she had chance to go to her sisters at the weekend. She told me that her sister hadn't given her the money. On Friday I reminded her that she still owed me, and she turned around and said that she had paid me, and that she had got the money off her sister. I've asked the people who were around at the time that she reckons she paid me, and been through everything that I brought with cash, and it adds up to exactly £20, which was all I knew I started with because someone else gave me my winnings from a bet we had.
Long story short, either she never paid me, or she did, I've spent it on something I have no recollection of, and everyone else got amnesia that evening, but I can't prove it.
I don't want to be stingy and stop lending people money when they need it, and I should be able to trust the people that I'm living with, but I feel like I might have to. It's only £10, but we're all living on apprenticeship wages which are below the national minimum wage, and it's the principle of it more than anything.
i miss my dad so much. i never realized how much it affects my overall thinking. I didn't change character-wise, i am just terribly hurt by it all. It made me bitter and mad at the world. But i cannot make it right. I can no longer look him in the eyes.
My sister hasn't emailed me back, and it's been over a week. I'm wondering if I should just go straight to mom and tell her.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 02:45:08 PM
My sister hasn't emailed me back, and it's been over a week. I'm wondering if I should just go straight to mom and tell her.
Go for it Willow! You can tell her over break if you'd prefer to talk in person.
Either way, good luck hon! :)
Quote from: Shaina on December 01, 2013, 03:24:57 PMGo for it Willow! You can tell her over break if you'd prefer to talk in person.
Either way, good luck hon! :)
I'm just afraid of what her reaction will be. I get along better with my dad, but my scenarios put mom at a higher rate of acceptance than dad.
In person is a no. I don't want to be told to get out of the house and have nowhere to go. Plus I don't want to offend by getting incorrectly gendered clothes (as I always do at Christmas) and not wearing them. I guess I feel too guilty.
I'll give it a try Tuesday, when I have some more time.
Quote from: Felix on December 01, 2013, 02:31:38 AM
I think I'm chill to be alone and let go of trans people and be sure I never see another suicide, but I can't guarantee that. I keep trying to forget past normal stuff, teenage deaths, dumb young recklessness, anything that riles up mawkishness and pointless emotion, but I'm clearly not the captain of my own ship.
But who really is?
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 03:28:10 PM
I'm just afraid of what her reaction will be. I get along better with my dad, but my scenarios put mom at a higher rate of acceptance than dad.
In person is a no. I don't want to be told to get out of the house and have nowhere to go. Plus I don't want to offend by getting incorrectly gendered clothes (as I always do at Christmas) and not wearing them. I guess I feel too guilty.
I'll give it a try Tuesday, when I have some more time.
Don't let the devil take you down with guilt and fear. Here's a strategy that works well, come out to your mom. She will be upset but she will get over it because you will always be her baby that she carried inside her and close to her heart for nine months and it is only natural that you will always be close to her heart regardless of anything. Let her leak it to your dad first, he will have a curmudgeonly moment, but your mom will soften him up considerably before you and he have that little chat. Your mom holds all the power if I know anything about family dynamics. Hang in there Willow, you will be fine dear.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 03:28:10 PM
I'm just afraid of what her reaction will be. I get along better with my dad, but my scenarios put mom at a higher rate of acceptance than dad.
In person is a no. I don't want to be told to get out of the house and have nowhere to go. Plus I don't want to offend by getting incorrectly gendered clothes (as I always do at Christmas) and not wearing them. I guess I feel too guilty.
I'll give it a try Tuesday, when I have some more time.
This is just based off of my own personal experience. The fears you have are most likely just that, fears that you have of the unknown. I had to tell myself this, not to let the sadness and depression of not telling them that you are transgender. You WILL tell them when YOU are ready and that has proven to be 100% true for myself and many of my therapists patients. Out of the nearly 150+ transgender people she has seen over the past 8 years only 1 was actually rejected by their parents and family. I came out to my parents nearly 2 months ago and just now came out to my sister and brother in law. Things turned out well in the end but it was still the hardest thing I've ever done just because of the fears I had built up over the years and had to overcome. Sure things were tough at first but in the end I'm still their child, I'm still their sibling, I'm still their family and I'm still the same person as I always was. The only thing that has changed is that I look different now.
Quote from: Shantel on December 01, 2013, 04:01:16 PMDon't let the devil take you down with guilt and fear. Here's a strategy that works well, come out to your mom. She will be upset but she will get over it because you will always be her baby that she carried inside her and close to her heart for nine months and it is only natural that you will always be close to her heart regardless of anything. Let her leak it to your dad first, he will have a curmudgeonly moment, but your mom will soften him up considerably before you and he have that little chat. Your mom holds all the power if I know anything about family dynamics. Hang in there Willow, you will be fine dear.
I was really hoping to test the waters with my sister first; she was absent from all 50 scenarios I came up with regarding my parents. I'll give it a go on Tuesday though. If she reacts violently, I'll just not go home for Christmas. If she's just sad, she probably just needs to hug me and feel me there. I'll see if I can't bring some of my feminine clothes home to get them accustomed to Willow rather than him.
About family dynamics, at least between interactions with the children, mom definitely holds the power, because since 9 years ago when my dad deployed, he has been virtually absent from my life, besides the inflow of cash. He's only been home less than 25% of the time since then. That's why I'm afraid of his reaction; I think he'll feel that he never "properly trained me as a man" or something like that. He could lose his job from the reacting reaction, being a borderline alcoholic, like the rest of his family. I don't want to ruin his, and indirectly, my life. If he's dishonourably discharged, that means no post-retirement benefits, meaning no more health insurance for me, no income, and he'll have a hell of a time finding a job.
I may be thinking too much into it, but I'm looking out for myself and my family.
Quote from: Megumi on December 01, 2013, 04:06:04 PMThis is just based off of my own personal experience. The fears you have are most likely just that, fears that you have of the unknown. I had to tell myself this, not to let the sadness and depression of not telling them that you are transgender. You WILL tell them when YOU are ready and that has proven to be 100% true for myself and many of my therapists patients. Out of the nearly 150+ transgender people she has seen over the past 8 years only 1 was actually rejected by their parents and family. I came out to my parents nearly 2 months ago and just now came out to my sister and brother in law. Things turned out well in the end but it was still the hardest thing I've ever done just because of the fears I had built up over the years and had to overcome. Sure things were tough at first but in the end I'm still their child, I'm still their sibling, I'm still their family and I'm still the same person as I always was. The only thing that has changed is that I look different now.
Coming from a religious and military background (both which consider me a moral degenerate and a pervert) I don't know if it will be quite the same. But I do agree, I have a fear of the unknown. I like to know what I'm getting myself into first. In this case, I don't know what to do.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 04:15:27 PM
I may be thinking too much into it, but I'm looking out for myself and my family.Coming from a religious and military background (both which consider me a moral degenerate and a pervert) I don't know if it will be quite the same. But I do agree, I have a fear of the unknown. I like to know what I'm getting myself into first. In this case, I don't know what to do.
I can understand why you'd be concerned. This is why I'm a little afraid of when I come out at work. I've decided I can't let it affect me, but it's different when it's family. Good luck, Willow!
♥
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 04:15:27 PM
Coming from a religious and military background (both which consider me a moral degenerate and a pervert) I don't know if it will be quite the same. But I do agree, I have a fear of the unknown. I like to know what I'm getting myself into first. In this case, I don't know what to do.
My dad is retired Air Force with 20 years of service and both my mom and brother in law are VERY religious. That was one of my mom's qualms was that I'm transgender therefore that means I am a sexual deviant, which was of course 100% not true at all. It all came down to is that they really want/need me in their lives as I do help them all out a lot in many different ways. It varies from person to person but if they really do care about you then they will learn to accept the new reality. If they don't then all you can do is move on because how can you really live if you don't live true to yourself. I had a backup scenario planed out if things went sour with my family and luckily that didn't happen but I was prepared to move on forward if they liked it or not.
What I found to help me think things over was walking. I can walk for miles and miles when I have the tough things on my mind and that helps me decide what I need to do but most of all you will find that you will do things when you need to do them at a pace that you are comfortable with.
What is it with this general dysphoria? OMG...
Today has been the worst for it.
There's one thing I learned, though. I knew that dysphoria and depression weren't the same, but I usually had it worst when I was sad. I've been just so happy all day... and practically debilitated with the dysphoria / T-tension. I powered through the day, but I feel more than weak - physically and mentally.
We went out shopping (gifts for children of families in need... and groceries). It was off and on in the car (singing helps sometimes). It was just terrible in the warehouse store. I felt like my arms were leaden and I mostly just pushed the cart and followed along. And I was still happy throughout! I saw a cute, older lesbian couple (they just had to be... ;)). I got a lot of looks... the "you're hard to gender" kind. I like that. I wasn't too affected by the clothes or anything like that (ok... there are some slipper socks that would be nice - that I felt I had to pass by... but that was it).
It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Rationally, yes -- it's the hormones... but it doesn't make sense how I can feel happy and so terribly dysphoric at the same time.
Quote from: kabit on December 01, 2013, 05:25:49 PM
What is it with this general dysphoria? OMG...
Today has been the worst for it.
There's one thing I learned, though. I knew that dysphoria and depression weren't the same, but I usually had it worst when I was sad. I've been just so happy all day... and practically debilitated with the dysphoria / T-tension. I powered through the day, but I feel more than weak - physically and mentally.
We went out shopping (gifts for children of families in need... and groceries). It was off and on in the car (singing helps sometimes). It was just terrible in the warehouse store. I felt like my arms were leaden and I mostly just pushed the cart and followed along. And I was still happy throughout! I saw a cute, older lesbian couple (they just had to be... ;)). I got a lot of looks... the "you're hard to gender" kind. I like that. I wasn't too affected by the clothes or anything like that (ok... there are some slipper socks that would be nice - that I felt I had to pass by... but that was it).
It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Rationally, yes -- it's the hormones... but it doesn't make sense how I can feel happy and so terribly dysphoric at the same time.
Big hugs to you. It gets better. It is always darkest just before the dawn.
Someone made fun of my name... which is the same as my username.
Now I'm upset everytime someone says it. Well, poo on them! >:(
Quote from: Shaina on December 01, 2013, 08:11:37 PM
Someone made fun of my name... which is the same as my username.
Now I'm upset everytime someone says it. Well, poo on them! >:(
Sorryyyyyyyy! Loooove you!!!!!!
Still, I see "Shy-na" ;p
Quote from: Joules on December 01, 2013, 08:19:15 PM
hugs Shy, that's no fun!
While we're at it, how do you pronounce your full name? Is it "Shy-na" or "Shay-na"?
The second, shay-na. It's Hebrew and I always thought it was pretty. :icon_cry:
And since you've admitted it was you Malachite you should be ashamed of yourself! I never made fun of your name! >:(
Quote from: Shaina on December 01, 2013, 08:26:06 PM
And since you've admitted it was you Malachite you should be ashamed of yourself! I never made fun of your name! >:(
I'll give you a coupon for one free Malachite name diss. :D
Quote from: Shaina on December 01, 2013, 08:26:06 PM
The second, shay-na. It's Hebrew and I always thought it was pretty. :icon_cry:
And since you've admitted it was you Malachite you should be ashamed of yourself! I never made fun of your name! >:(
I read it as shay-na, and it is pretty. Beautiful, in fact. Malachite is BANNED. Shoo!
Quote from: Shaina on December 01, 2013, 08:11:37 PM
Someone made fun of my name... which is the same as my username.
Now I'm upset everytime someone says it. Well, poo on them! >:(
^THIS
Malachite, you should be ashamed. Shaina has a very pretty name. >:(
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 01, 2013, 08:35:18 PM
I read it as shay-na, and it is pretty. Beautiful, in fact. Malachite is BANNED. Shoo!
Quote from: Amelia Pond on December 01, 2013, 08:35:27 PM
^THIS
Malachite, you should be ashamed. Shaina has a very pretty name. >:(
Thanks you guys are so sweet! :) I feel better!
Quote from: Shaina on December 01, 2013, 08:48:05 PM
Thanks you guys are so sweet! :) I feel better!
It totally makes sense...
Shai (shy) na (na)
or
Shain (shayn) a (a)
It depends on where the syllable break is!
I havent heard from Caleb at all today. *sigh* I'm going to bed.
Quote from: Willow on December 01, 2013, 01:42:10 AM
That's sad that you can't even afford couch medicine :(
Ice cream, no, can't handle that at this hour. But a kitty, yes. Kitty do want. And snacks.
*soulful eyes* meow
I'll be offline for about a week and I'll miss everyone on Susans. :)
I love you guys! Have a great week. *hug*
I have an itchy throat. I think I may be coming down with something. :(
Quote from: V M on December 01, 2013, 08:12:39 AM
That odd depression that hits all to often, fell asleep thinking dark thoughts and the best way to go about it and how it might effect my friends and family :-\
Woke up and the black dog still has me by the knickers :P
Maybe this will help.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcl.jroo.me%2Fz3%2FX%2FR%2Fd%2Fe%2Fa.baa-Very-cute-hug-between-a-leop.jpg&hash=a7c84a08f60e43f57fdada18add5de2adb56bada)
Would really like to run the black dog off for you.
Haven't eaten all day...
Quote from: LordKAT on December 01, 2013, 09:45:38 PM
Maybe this will help.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcl.jroo.me%2Fz3%2FX%2FR%2Fd%2Fe%2Fa.baa-Very-cute-hug-between-a-leop.jpg&hash=a7c84a08f60e43f57fdada18add5de2adb56bada)
Would really like to run the black dog off for you.
Thank you Ken
Hugs
Quote from: LordKAT on December 01, 2013, 09:38:55 PM
*soulful eyes* meow
That's one KATty I could really have around ;)! (Plus, no allegies)
My finals schedule: 2 back to back monday morning, 2 back to back thursday afternoon.
Quote from: Joules on December 01, 2013, 11:07:40 PMLet me say this.. about that...
ACK!
Hugs Willow, they'll be all over soon.
My dad thought I would have a saturday final, so he booked my flight for Sunday. So that's Tuesday and Wednesday I'll be studying like no tomorrow, then Friday and Saturday I'll be doing nothing. Oh, and those two nights I'll sleeping at a fraternity, yuck.
This is also next week (week of the 9th,) not this week.
Quote from: Liam Erik on December 01, 2013, 11:21:33 PM
If my endo hasn't done anything helpful by Thursday, shot day, I'm going to be really unhappy. I'm on shots every two weeks and the trough effect is really, really bad. I could feel it coming on last night, and now I'm messed up again. At this point, my anxiety skyrockets until I can barely function by Wednesday. I always feel better a minute or two after injecting, like swiping an eraser through my brain. Sometimes I recover fine and have a good ten days, and sometimes the anxious spells are so exhausting I just get depressed afterward. I've been doing this for three months. If he leaves me a message saying, nope, your levels are fine, no changes necessary, I'm going to want to go in there to yell at him in person. Realistically, I'll be too busy hiding under the covers in the fetal position.
Try just requesting weekly injections.
It has been almost 5 years since I was really sick, and yet...looking at those pictures...I just have never regained a healthy appearance. I don't look as sickly as when I was sick, but before, I looked full of life in my face. Although I had some acne, my skin had a healthy flush, my eyes had more light in them, etc. I can tell if a picture was from before I got sick just by looking at my face in it.
I had a nightmare and now I can't sleep. In my dream this guy kept putting his hands on me, but he was in my house and there were two other men standing by the doors so I felt completely trapped. Then he pinned me down and put his hand down my pants and I bit him on the face. I woke up wincing in pain because I bit my arm in my sleep! But it did wake me up, so that's good. I have red teeth marks on my arm now, and it's a little swollen. At least I didn't draw blood.
I hate nightmares so much. I used to have nightmares almost every night. I was afraid to sleep because of it. I couldn't sleep in my bed or I'd definitely have a nightmare, so for years I had to sleep on the couch with the TV on because for some reason that made them less frequent. I don't have them nearly as often now but when I do I end up afraid to sleep again.
It's already been a rough week. The last thing I need is insomnia on top of it all. :(
Big hug! I'll watch over you, hon. Hugs, Devlyn
Finding it getting a lot harder each day to force myself out of bed, almost failed to today...
It's official, I'm coming down with a cold. That, and I have a painful back ache. :/
Quote from: Malachite on December 02, 2013, 08:49:31 AM
It's official, I'm coming down with a cold. That, and I have a painful back ache. :/
Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that. :icon_nervious:
Drink lots of fluids, dress warmly and-if all else fails-take a long bubble bath.
Fourth day in a row that I've woken up with a pretty nasty headache. It happens often off and on so it's not surprising, just sucks when it does. :(
Quote from: Shaina on December 02, 2013, 09:47:49 AM
Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that. :icon_nervious:
Drink lots of fluids, dress warmly and-if all else fails-take a long bubble bath.
Listen to momma Shy Malachite!
Bubble bath for a guy??? ;D :D :laugh:
Well, I kinda got called gay. Just so you can understand: I'm in guy mode with a beard and everything because I cannot do anything because of family and money related reasons until I move away.
So, my feminity comes out in my everydays in very tiny pieces when I'm not alone or with my best friend, who knows about me. So, last week a girl in my caretaking class called me genetic trash out of the blue, and today, this same girl teased me, implying I was gay because of my white-pink-black lighter and my purple hair brush which she saw by mistake.
I know it's silly and all as she has no clue about me being trans or even my sexual orientation as I'm a lesbian so I had girlfriends, but it really hurts anyway.
Quote from: Joules on December 02, 2013, 08:26:59 AM
Perhaps 'tis the season? I hate this time of the year too, I usually just "switch off" to living until January.
More of feeling too depressed to.
Quote from: Joules on December 02, 2013, 12:01:07 PM
Hugs Xhianil. You may have Seasonal Affective Disorder (acronym: SAD. Clever eh?). Depression is a part of it. The good news is it's over in January for most. Hang tough.
It's not related to the season so much as all the crap going on and pulling me down in life.
Quote from: Shaina on December 02, 2013, 09:47:49 AM
Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that. :icon_nervious:
Drink lots of fluids, dress warmly and-if all else fails-take a long bubble bath.
Mam yes mam! -salutes- I finished some tea earlier and now I'm on to orange juice. I got pretty hot so I couldn't follow the dressing warmly rule. :p
Quote from: Shantel on December 02, 2013, 10:39:33 AM
Listen to momma Shy Malachite!
Bubble bath for a guy??? ;D :D :laugh:
Lol yeaaaah! I love bubbles in my bath because I can make a bubble beard out of them. :D
Quote from: Shantel on December 02, 2013, 10:39:33 AM
Listen to momma Shy Malachite!
Bubble bath for a guy??? ;D :D :laugh:
i like them but i prefer showers.
Quote from: Malachite on December 02, 2013, 12:39:13 PM
Lol yeaaaah! I love bubbles in my bath because I can make a bubble beard out of them. :D
Haha such a kid still, I love it!
I've managed to almost go over my "unlimited" Internet allowance on my phone with a week to go. Stupid fair usage policies and terrible wifi not liking my phone.
i have a weird feeling i will be alone/single forever.
Quote from: Shantel on December 02, 2013, 10:39:33 AM
Listen to momma Shy Malachite!
Bubble bath for a guy??? ;D :D :laugh:
Hey, bubble baths are for everyone! Don't be policing his masuclinity, yo! ;)
Every time i have to stand there and be yelled at today makes me want to punch someone, or even yell back, but no, i can't...
Quote from: Kristal on December 02, 2013, 02:41:38 PM
Hey, bubble baths are for everyone! Don't be policing his masuclinity, yo! ;)
I totally agree! Bubble baths for everyone! :D
Quote from: Shaina on December 02, 2013, 04:45:43 PM
I totally agree! Bubble baths for everyone! :D
Ok lavender bubble baths for everyone, I give up! :laugh:
Quote from: Shantel on December 02, 2013, 04:50:16 PM
Ok lavender bubble baths for everyone, I give up! :laugh:
We're all going to take a bubble bath together? :o
Quote from: Amelia Pond on December 02, 2013, 04:56:37 PM
We're all going to take a bubble bath together? :o
Sounds kinky, why not?
Quote from: Shaina on December 02, 2013, 05:20:29 PM
Count me in! ;)
Woo Hoo what a sport! Wash my back will you hon? ;D
Yuck! Bath make me very unhappy.
Gross....
Showers! FTW!
^ ^ ^ As long as it makes us all happier!!
Just more T-trouble for me... unfortunately when I'm in pain from T, all I want to do is eat. I guess that makes a lot more sense in my history... :(
edit: except Mss Bungle, I guess!
Quote from: kabit on December 02, 2013, 05:31:56 PM
^ ^ ^ As long as it makes us all happier!!
Of course.
It's just a preference thing for me is all.
Just like I prefer Portia Porcupine worship and others prefer to look at me as if I am insane. :D
Quote from: Amelia Pond on December 02, 2013, 05:38:37 PM
No reason, count me in! ;)
I'll bring my rubber ducky and bubble pipe. :D
Writing in the OCD thread made me aware that I am probably dealing with a new obsession lately. *sigh* I had enough to start with! lmao. Too much work.
Feeling very conflicted and trying to sort it all out. :(
I feel like I'm backing down on myself. I have trouble getting up in the mornings, even though I'm awake by 8, I don't have the strength or courage to get up for another three hours or so.
And then there's the issue of family; since my sister hasn't replied to my email yet, I told myself I'd tell my mom tomorrow. But I'm feeling scared again. I thought I got rid of those thoughts.
My computer is being a nicompoop
People at work who would rather undermine and whinge than be supportive and constructive.
Inability to sleep.
Quote from: Willow on December 03, 2013, 01:04:55 AM
Inability to sleep.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimage.blingee.com%2Fimages18%2Fcontent%2Foutput%2F000%2F000%2F000%2F752%2F710756253_830385.gif&hash=2afb8516be9735531b791fa4c5d54ec52085ebcc)
C'mon in, I'll rock you to sleep.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 03, 2013, 01:44:11 AM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimage.blingee.com%2Fimages18%2Fcontent%2Foutput%2F000%2F000%2F000%2F752%2F710756253_830385.gif&hash=2afb8516be9735531b791fa4c5d54ec52085ebcc)
C'mon in, I'll rock you to sleep.
Oh jeez.
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 02, 2013, 05:29:32 PM
Yuck! Bath make me very unhappy.
Gross....
Showers! FTW!
Yeah, I don't take baths to get clean. I really don't feel like stewing in my own ass juices. I'll take one after a shower, though.
Quote from: Kristal on December 03, 2013, 05:32:04 AM
Yeah, I don't take baths to get clean. I really don't feel like stewing in my own ass juices. I'll take one after a shower, though.
Lmao! Perfect comment
Stupid school net blocks almost all images on here.
I randomly started feeling very sad and crying, and I have literally no explanation as to why. =/
Quote from: caleb. on December 03, 2013, 12:32:11 PM
I randomly started feeling very sad and crying, and I have literally no explanation as to why. =/
♥I wonder if this could help me right now, myself. :( Need catharsis.
Lol, you are welcome to the tears if they come back. They only lasted like 2 minutes, courtesy of T I am sure.
Multitude of things going wrong.
Therapist didn't answer the phone. I don't know if I'll be able to get in to see her before I leave to go back home.
Only 1 space left in gender-neutral housing on campus for next semestre, no singles available. If things go south with my roommate when I tell him (and I'll have to, things will be a-changin' next semestre) I may be stuck.
I'm nervous about telling my mom. I have to. I told myself I would tell her today. But I'm afraid again. I thought I got rid of that fear.
Quote from: caleb. on December 03, 2013, 01:07:04 PM
Lol, you are welcome to the tears if they come back. They only lasted like 2 minutes, courtesy of T I am sure.
My best is about 15 minutes... and that's with T :) I'm not sure how different it is if I'm *supposed* to have E... I wonder if that affects it.
Quote from: Willow on December 03, 2013, 01:28:03 PM
Multitude of things going wrong.
Therapist didn't answer the phone. I don't know if I'll be able to get in to see her before I leave to go back home.
Only 1 space left in gender-neutral housing on campus for next semestre, no singles available. If things go south with my roommate when I tell him (and I'll have to, things will be a-changin' next semestre) I may be stuck.
I'm nervous about telling my mom. I have to. I told myself I would tell her today. But I'm afraid again. I thought I got rid of that fear.
♥ hugs willow! It sounds like these are all anxieties - you can't know what will happen and often can't prepare. Distract yourself with something fun
♥!
I hate my dad. It's rather personal. This i'll tell you though: He's a compulsive liar who refuses to pay what he owes. haven't seen him since late summer 2012 and i'm not planning on seeing him. I might see him tomorrow whether i'll like it or nor. That, or his utter disinterest in my life will lead to him abruptly being unavailable for the meeting. It's stirring up all kinds of bad feelings in me. One very dominant emotion being anger, another one being hurt.
Quote from: kabit on December 03, 2013, 01:39:23 PM♥ hugs willow! It sounds like these are all anxieties - you can't know what will happen and often can't prepare. Distract yourself with something fun ♥!
I could if I would, but finals are next week, I need to study. Not exactly fun, especially with boring classes like mine.
Quote from: Willow on December 03, 2013, 01:55:08 PM
I could if I would, but finals are next week, I need to study. Not exactly fun, especially with boring classes like mine.
Distract yourself with something boring! Just distract yourself ;D
Quote from: caleb. on December 03, 2013, 12:32:11 PM
I randomly started feeling very sad and crying, and I have literally no explanation as to why. =/
I think I know why, it has to do with your TMI comment about having so much a$$ juice, bet it says juicy on the back of your pants too. :D ;D :laugh:
Hi Friends :)
Time for a new one (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,155288.new.html#new)