Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Male to female transsexual talk (MTF) => Topic started by: Alaia on July 16, 2013, 02:05:50 PM

Title: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Alaia on July 16, 2013, 02:05:50 PM
I've heard it called TG-dar before. Basically I've caught myself looking at other people and thinking "I bet she's trans." And then I'm like "What the hell is wrong with you?!" First, just because a woman is tall, broad shouldered, has large hands and feet, and a whispered voice doesn't necessarily mean she's trans... And second, if she is trans, it's certainly not going to make her day if she catches me stealing glances while trying to read her.

But I still find myself doing this all the time. Seriously, WTH is wrong with me? I almost wonder if I'm doing this in part so that I can feel like there's more people like me around. I mean there is a desire to connect with people like me, but that is what my support group is for--not at work or while out in public.

Anybody else find themselves doing this? Or am I just a big dinklehead?
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Devlyn on July 16, 2013, 02:16:52 PM
I'm not passing up an opportunity to call someone a big dinklehead! You're a people-watcher, but don't stare, anyone is going to be uncomfortable with that. And we all know, you can feel it when someone is staring at you. Hugs, Devlyn
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Jess42 on July 16, 2013, 02:19:32 PM
Dinklehead??? That's a new one. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I do the same thing with the trans part plus a whole list of other things. I believe it is perfectly normal for people to steal glances at others and just wonder about them. So.. in short answer no there is nothing wrong with you but on the other hand someone that uses the word "dinklehead" I refuse to comment on. :D
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: sam79 on July 16, 2013, 02:21:38 PM
I'm definitely a dinklehead, guilty of this. Although I do try and be subtle, to avoid drawing attention to either of us.

I find it helpful actually. Trying to learn from others is great. Eg, the lady I noticed yesterday was kinda attracting attention by wearing a mini skirt and showing leg, on a cold winters' day. Didn't help her to blend.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Devlyn on July 16, 2013, 02:25:06 PM
Quote from: sam79 on July 16, 2013, 02:21:38 PM
I'm definitely guilty of this. Although I do try and be subtle, to avoid drawing attention to either of us.

I find it helpful actually. Trying to learn from others is great. Eg, the lady I noticed yesterday was kinda attracting attention by wearing a mini skirt and showing leg, on a cold winters' day. Didn't help her to blend.

You didn't say dinklehead.  ;D
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: suzifrommd on July 16, 2013, 02:54:09 PM
No such thing as a "thought crime". Only actions matter. What goes on in your own head as you watch people is your own business.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Tyler92 on July 16, 2013, 02:57:27 PM
I do this a lot, and I just can't stop myself. I'm always wondering if someone is trans or not, and I think it has to do with how you said you want a connection. I think that's why I do it. That, and hoping to find someone like me to encourage me and make me feel like I'm not alone. I honestly don't know if it's okay or not, I'd say don't stare too long and draw attention to yourself, or them.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: sam79 on July 16, 2013, 03:06:03 PM
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on July 16, 2013, 02:25:06 PM
You didn't say dinklehead.  ;D

Fixed. Apologies  ::)
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: TheLance on July 16, 2013, 03:09:44 PM
I always do this. It's natural, for me at least. I tend to analyze people as it is. So when I'm sitting in any kind of restaurant on my lunch, like now, I watch everyone. I don't stare, I just glance around in a subtle manner. All people do this, only difference is we are looking for people kinda like us.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Tristan on July 16, 2013, 03:19:32 PM
Idk? I guess not odd. It's normal to look for someone with common interest as you
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Emoroffle on July 16, 2013, 04:37:31 PM
I do that as well whenever I do happen to go out. I'm too much of a shut-in for that to happen often. Though I don't stare so much as play a mental game of "guess the LGBTMORELETTERS"
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Ltl89 on July 16, 2013, 06:07:33 PM
At the end of the day, I couldn't care one way or another if another person is trans.  What's going to happen?  If they are a stranger and I'll never see them again, it really doesn't have an impact on my life either way.  We all look for similarities, it's common, but sometimes we read too much into things.  Trans or not we all have things in common, including physical traits, and differences. 

Nonetheless, I don't think you are being a dinklehead,lol. 
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Jamie D on July 16, 2013, 06:11:42 PM
If the recent statistics are correct, or at least represent a good estimate, then approximately 1 out of 333 people are transgendered.

But you would be hard press to identify a transgendered person by looks alone, unless the gender presentation did not match, in some way, their sexual image.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 16, 2013, 06:25:24 PM
I do that all the time. >.<

There's nothing wrong with it, looking at someone and trying to figure out if they're trans in your mind does not make you a terrible person. :P
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Sarah Louise on July 16, 2013, 06:27:55 PM
Looking at someone is fine, Staring on the other hand could be considered rude.  Would you want unwanted attention brought on you because someone was staring at you?
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Renee on July 16, 2013, 06:28:57 PM
Its way more fun to wonder what their genitals look like...
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Tristan on July 16, 2013, 06:52:30 PM
Quote from: Jamie D on July 16, 2013, 06:11:42 PM
If the recent statistics are correct, or at least represent a good estimate, then approximately 1 out of 333 people are transgendered.

But you would be hard press to identify a transgendered person by looks alone, unless the gender presentation did not match, in some way, their sexual image.
Wow... Just wow....
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Horizon on July 16, 2013, 07:47:50 PM
Quote from: Jamie D on July 16, 2013, 06:11:42 PM
If the recent statistics are correct, or at least represent a good estimate, then approximately 1 out of 333 people are transgendered.

But you would be hard press to identify a transgendered person by looks alone, unless the gender presentation did not match, in some way, their sexual image.

Transgendered, as in the umbrella term, or transsexual, as in someone who's undergone steps to change their outward appearance?  I could easily believe the first, but I'm definitely the only transitioner in my area.  I've heard rumors of a transguy in a neighboring town, though (which probably goes to show how I would know about this sort of thing, given how rumor heavy my little village is).
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Emily Aster on July 16, 2013, 07:56:50 PM
I used to think I had that until I found several that I was 100% positive were trans that were cis. Lately it's even worse for me because everybody I see looks androgynous, which I guess isn't necessarily a bad thing when it comes to courage to walk out the door.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: DrBobbi on July 16, 2013, 07:57:31 PM
I can't help but wondering...Sorry, just human, I guess.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: kariann330 on July 16, 2013, 08:04:51 PM
I always wondered with my exes....until they got there period...kinda bummed tho cuz it would be awesome to have someone who already transitioned help act as s guide ya know.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Renee on July 16, 2013, 08:05:49 PM
Quote from: Jamie D on July 16, 2013, 06:11:42 PM
If the recent statistics are correct, or at least represent a good estimate, then approximately 1 out of 333 people are transgendered.

But you would be hard press to identify a transgendered person by looks alone, unless the gender presentation did not match, in some way, their sexual image.
There are two of us in the town I live in(pop. 420), at least that are out anyway...

But with transgender covering more than just transitioners, many would never be noticed anyway.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: HM on July 17, 2013, 01:19:26 AM
Can I join the dinklehead club also?

I think part of it is just awareness. Like if we buy a new car, suddenly we're aware
that there are a lot of other cars just like it on the road. We never noticed them
before. We are all so self conscience we can't help but notice others.

Also, I think I'm always looking, hoping to find I am not the only one
like me and when I do spot someone who appears trans, it's kind of
comforting just to know they are there.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Alaia on July 17, 2013, 06:59:24 AM
Teehee, glad to see there are so many other dinkleheads out there.  :D

Now for the big follow up question. Have you ever been tempted to say something to someone you were sure was also trans?

I certainly wouldn't ever say something that outed them. But I almost wish we all had a special code word, just so we could secretly offer support for each other.


For example, I was in Walmart the other day with my wife. While we were in line at the check out I was observing the woman in front of us. She shared many of the physical characteristics of a MTF transwoman. She was tall, broad shouldered, and had large hands and feet. But at the same time she was completely passable as a CIS woman. So for a few moments I was just wondering "is she or isn't she?" But as I noticed a lack of self-confidence in her posture and demeanor and listened to her whispered voice the scales shifted in my head towards "probably trans".

I wanted to say something to her. Something to comfort her and let her know I thought she looked fab. But what could I say? I mean my wife and the cashier were right there and I was in male-mode. My hesitation and fear over creating an awkward moment ended up making the decision for me. I just watched as she paid for and collected her groceries and then walked away--and the opportunity to say something went out the door with her.

As I think back, it would have been nice if I could have said something like:

"Excuse me miss... I may be a dinklehead for saying this in front of my wife, but I just wanted to say that you look fabulous!"

And maybe my use of a code word like 'dinklehead' would have keyed off to her that I am trans too. And if I was wrong, and she was a CIS woman, then she may have given me a puzzled glance and a shy "thank you" before heading off--at which point I may also have some explaining to do to my wife.


Here's another example. There's a couple people at work that I think may be trans (we have hundreds of employees in our office and my employer is pro trans rights, so it isn't a stretch). Anyway, I kinda wish there was a code word or phrase I could use in conversations to identify myself as trans to them. If they aren't trans then they just wouldn't pick up on it, but if they are... well, at least they'd know I am too. At which point they could choose to approach me and say "Hey dinklehead, let's go to lunch some time."

I know it's just wishful thinking on my part. But it would be nice to be able to say something and make that instant connection.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Sammy on July 17, 2013, 08:58:26 AM
Quote from: JulieR on July 17, 2013, 07:12:28 AM
That is a great idea Alaia, at least in the basic idea of it.  I don't know about a code word used to seek out others.  In Alcoholics Anonymous, a similar code phrase is to ask someone if they are "a friend of Bill", after Bill Wilson who was one of the co-founders of AA.  This is a harmless question and means nothing if the person is not in fact a member of AA.

Although it may be an urban myth of sorts, I like the concept of gay men using earrings to signify certain meanings to others.  Perhaps trans folks could adopt a similar article of clothing, jewelry or manner of dress which id's them as trans.  Perhaps a swastika carved in the forehead would be a bit much; rather a backwards "D", for dinklehead.  (J/K, I'm not really fond of the idea of carving a symbol in my forehead.)

I am wearing a wristband with TG Pride flag colors (blue, pink, white) and pendant with TG arrow-circle :). Sapienti sat :)
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Andaya on July 17, 2013, 09:53:08 AM
I totally do this all the time. But in addition I'm always looking at people's features, not necessarily because I think they are trans, but to see what makes their features masculine and what makes them feminine. Ever since starting down this path I've become much more sensitive to brow arches, eyebrows, Adam's apples, facial hair etc etc. it's interesting to people watch in this way.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Jess42 on July 17, 2013, 10:21:11 AM
We could always ask, "Are you Susan's friend?" like with AA that someone else posted.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 17, 2013, 10:53:43 AM
Quote from: Alaia on July 17, 2013, 06:59:24 AM

Now for the big follow up question. Have you ever been tempted to say something to someone you were sure was also trans?


I suppose I could just say hi in the lowest voice I can make.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Nicolette on July 17, 2013, 11:57:06 AM
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 17, 2013, 10:53:43 AM
I suppose I could just say hi in the lowest voice I can make.

Ha! I may risk outing myself by making an acknowledgement and I wish to remain stealth. From experience, I mostly have very little in common with other tpersons. Well, as much as any other stranger.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Alaia on July 17, 2013, 12:24:30 PM
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 17, 2013, 10:53:43 AM
I suppose I could just say hi in the lowest voice I can make.
Bwahaha! Good one, I LOL'd! My coworkers are like 'wut?'. Fortunately my phone was on mute so my customer didn't hear :D
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: vegie271 on July 26, 2013, 11:18:27 PM


I live as anout lesbian, but not an out trans - I would not - and I am actually planning in the city I am moving to in 6 months on beeing even deeper in stealth - curently in the city I live in about 100 people know I am trans. in the new one only my doctors.

Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Dahlia on July 27, 2013, 10:15:58 AM
Sometimes I read pre everything MTF/TV  presenting as 'straight' cismen.

Somehow you can just sense  the exact reason why some 'straight' guy is looking at you....in a bit of a nervous way.

On the other hand...once in a while I spot a MTF who invariably doesn't spot me.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Rachel on July 27, 2013, 11:17:26 AM
I am a dinklehead too.

Where I work, and several large employers surrounding that campus pay for SRS and HRT and we have protections. I walk at lunch and look at all the females. I see what they are wearing, their height, make-up, hair and yes if they are TG. If 1/333 are TG in society then in my work area in is very much higher. Yes there are several TG women and men I see on my lunch walk. 

When I go to the gayborhood there is a large population of TG and queer people and it is really nice to see. I love to watch the interactions and differences in the corporate world vs. the gayborhood world.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: kathyk on July 27, 2013, 10:56:44 PM
I don't pass and get a lot of stares, catch people glancing my way in curiosity, or saying something to friends.   And hey, it's my choice to be out-and-about while not passing.  But it doesn't bother me unless someone says something ignorant, and loud enough to draw a lot attention.  Or if it's just plain vulgar.  Yet I can deal with it, and know it's always a possibility.

But please .... think of the poor girl who spent hours getting an outfit together, doing her makeup, and planning one of her first few evenings out as herself.  And above all she wants to avoid being a spectacle.  Then someone walks up and says, "Hi, are you trans?"   And for her it's suddenly "Oh god, I don't pass."  And, "Welcome back full blown dysphoria and depression."  Of course she'll burst into tears.

I don't know if it'd be better to walk up and say "Hi, I'm transgender and would like to talk if you're ok with that".   But I've seen a lot of non passing transwomen in the SF Bay Area, and have never considered walking up to any of them.  It doesn't matter how I feel, because it's all about them.

Maybe I'm off base on this.  Just the way I feel about it.

Kathy
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Joanna Dark on July 27, 2013, 11:36:45 PM
You're not off base Kathy, one should never ask someone you think is trans if they are. Ever. It's bascially saying I clocked you. Have a nice day! It won't be a nice day for them.
Title: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: ashley_thomas on July 27, 2013, 11:47:13 PM
Dinklehead here though I try not to stare.  Saw two possible sisters tonight at dinner, though one was male leaning and the other was fully presenting as a woman and either way was totally woman.  I think I was okay, seriously sorry though if I made them feel uncomfortable.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: kathyk on July 28, 2013, 01:05:02 AM
Don't get me wrong.  We will notice, and it's human nature.  But one noticing glance and it's over, is what happens for me now.  And yes, there were those early days in this life when my stare was too long and sometimes followed a woman across a room.  Eew...  How creepy of me.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: LordKAT on July 28, 2013, 01:11:08 AM
You can chat. Asking if someone is trans is just extremely rude.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Pia Bianca on July 28, 2013, 05:39:21 AM
Quote from: LordKAT on July 28, 2013, 01:11:08 AM
You can chat. Asking if someone is trans is just extremely rude.

Yeah. And it can only depress people. If they are, they will feel caught. If they aren't they will feel un-womanly or un-manly. Both is bad.

BDSM people have signs which only knowing people will recognize. I heard the same holds true for gay people. It's a shame that this doesn't seem to exist for trans people. If it would you could start chatting with: "Are you really trans? I would never ever have recognized this without the sign." and everybody would feel comfortable.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: vegie271 on July 28, 2013, 07:37:28 AM
Quote from: PiaBianca on July 28, 2013, 05:39:21 AM
Yeah. And it can only depress people. If they are, they will feel caught. If they aren't they will feel un-womanly or un-manly. Both is bad.

BDSM people have signs which only knowing people will recognize. I heard the same holds true for gay people. It's a shame that this doesn't seem to exist for trans people. If it would you could start chatting with: "Are you really trans? I would never ever have recognized this without the sign." and everybody would feel comfortable.




With Masons they have handshakes that they recognize each other  by,  and if you do not give the correct hand shake no on e responds, then you just move on like nothing happened

the thing is I would not even respond if someone gave me the handshake since I am stealth, I do not want to be known in my new city, that is the way I am going to be

I had the trans people who are in the organization from the city that I am moving to visit my city in the gay & lesbian center & I did not go just so they would not know me this is how stealth I wish to remain



Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: kathyk on July 28, 2013, 08:04:19 AM
A little girl, a giddy teenager, grown woman, wife, partner, and mother.  The way I see it they don't have signals to show a special group signaling gender.  Wouldn't having a transgender signal also show I don't really desire to fully blend with the gender group of my dreams? 

I'm probably too old to annouce anything more, so I'll just be myself.  (Pass or not.)  It'd be wonderful if someone wants to walk up to me and say they're trans, they noticed me, and want to talk for a while.  In a instant I'd sit down and have coffee with them.  Never expect others to feel this way.

K
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Christine167 on July 28, 2013, 08:55:10 AM
"Hi my name is Christine and I'm a dinklehead."  :D

I did that even before I knew I was trans. I would people watch and pick up in behaviors, style of dress, fitness, the way they walked, and they way they talked. I'd even check out their teeth, toes and fingers. And people sometimes wonder why I am so self conscious...  ;)

Now that I am trans it has only intensified and shifted to how can I mimic one way or the other. One hand I don't want to be outed without may permission... Ever. On the other I do want to meet more transgender people. Somehow I am happier and more relaxed with them. How to explain.... do you know that odd feeling when you first meet someone and its a little awkward and it takes a good bit of time to get get comfortable and really start talking? So yeah with other transgenders I feel at ease much more quickly. So much that I worry about stepping on social politeness and coming off as a know it all who should mind her own business.

I guess that last bit makes me a double dinklehead.  :D
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: vegie271 on July 28, 2013, 09:03:07 AM
Quote from: kathyk on July 28, 2013, 08:04:19 AM
A little girl, a giddy teenager, grown woman, wife, partner, and mother.  The way I see it they don't have signals to show a special group signaling gender.  Wouldn't having a transgender signal also show I don't really desire to fully blend with the gender group of my dreams? 

I'm probably too old to annouce anything more, so I'll just be myself.  (Pass or not.)  It'd be wonderful if someone wants to walk up to me and say they're trans, they noticed me, and want to talk for a while.  In a instant I'd sit down and have coffee with them.  Never expect others to feel this way.

K



I know people who are out activists and they actually wear t-shirts they have symbols there are trans symbols I am pretty sure you know what it is it is the female one the male one interlaced with  an arrow one all three the arrow one points in the upper right as you look at it if you want to be obvious get one of these shirts

then people can walk up to you and talk to you but as I say I just want to be recognized as a lesbian (and I do wear those symbols)




Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: JessicaH on July 28, 2013, 09:13:18 AM
I think it's only natural that we do it and because we have all studied the major and subtle differences that differentiate the sexes, we are far more tuned in to the cues to spot another trans person. But.... We can over analyze things and easily start seeing trans people where there aren't any.

Last year, I was on a business trip to Namibia and as I was having lunch down by the docks, a whole group of tourist came walking by and my transdar started going off like crazy. I was wondering if it was some sort of trans cruise or something. 

Curiosity got the best of me and I purposely got closer to check a few of the girls I thought were certainly trans. I got a coffee and sat at the table next to one of the girls and discretely checked her out and I came to the conclusion that they weren't trans. Just all Germans...
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Nicolette on July 28, 2013, 09:16:48 AM
Quote from: JessicaH on July 28, 2013, 09:13:18 AM
Curiosity got the best of me and I purposely got closer to check a few of the girls I thought were certainly trans. I got a coffee and sat at the table next to one of the girls and discretely checked her out and I came to the conclusion that they weren't trans. Just all Germans...

Ha ha! What aspects made you think they were trans, exactly?
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Heather on July 28, 2013, 09:22:07 AM
Quote from: vegie271 on July 28, 2013, 09:03:07 AM




but as I say I just want to be recognized as a lesbian (and I do wear those symbols)





I must admit this is probably my biggest frustrations with trans people. I really don't get how on the one hand they can be totally proud of their sexuality. But on the other be so ashamed of who they really are! That attitude is the reason why being trans is never going to reach the same level of acceptance in society the being gay has become. I would hate to see where the gay rights movement would be now if it wasn't for gay people being proud of who they were.  ;)
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Nicolette on July 28, 2013, 09:30:35 AM
Quote from: Heather on July 28, 2013, 09:22:07 AM
I must admit this is probably my biggest frustrations with trans people. I really don't get how on the one hand they can be totally proud of their sexuality. But on the other be so ashamed of who they really are! That attitude is the reason why being trans is never going to reach the same level of acceptance in society the being gay has become. I would hate to see where the gay rights movement would be now if it wasn't for gay people being proud of who they were.  ;)

I'm guessing it's related to the not so little stigma and negative connotations. Being gay is about sexuality. Trans is about gender. Personally, if I had other medical conditions too, I wouldn't stick on a badge advertising it. Should I?
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: MariaMx on July 28, 2013, 09:33:18 AM
It's interesting, I transitioned 10 years ago and back then I thought I saw trans women everywhere. I thought I was exceptional at spotting us. Nowadays I hardly see any. Mostly I just see cis-women with a few masculine features.

If there was a secret handshake I would not use it and I would not respond to it. If you used it on me I would probably not like you very much afterwards. I've never knowingly talked to another trans person IRL outside of the clinic I went to in Thailand.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Heather on July 28, 2013, 09:36:18 AM
Quote from: Nicolette on July 28, 2013, 09:30:35 AM
I'm guessing it's related to the not so little stigma and negative connotations. Being gay is about sexuality. Trans is about gender. Personally, if I had other medical conditions too, I wouldn't stick on a badge advertising it. Should I?
It may be me but I don't see being trans as a medical condition.  ;)
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Nicolette on July 28, 2013, 09:40:03 AM
Quote from: MariaMx on July 28, 2013, 09:33:18 AM
It's interesting, I transitioned 10 years ago and back then I thought I saw trans women everywhere. I thought I was exceptional at spotting us. Nowadays I hardly see any. Mostly I just see cis-women with a few masculine features.

Funny that. I don't remember seeing a readable trans woman in the past 10 years either. Maybe I'm just not looking out for 'them'.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: MariaMx on July 28, 2013, 10:00:05 AM
Quote from: Nicolette on July 28, 2013, 09:40:03 AM
Funny that. I don't remember seeing a readable trans woman in the past 10 years either. Maybe I'm just not looking out for 'them'.
Perhaps, but personally I think I was probably wrong about most of the ones I thought I saw.

I had srs in Thailand 7 1/2 years ago and went back for AM last year. This time I thought all the patients looked way more passable than last time. Perhaps back then I focused way more on masculine features in women than I do today.

Occasionally I'll see someone I know for sure is trans, but I just try not to make eye contact and move on.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Andaya on July 28, 2013, 10:07:09 AM
This doesn't really work on the fly, but there is always the gender pride flag :) this is likely going on my Facebook when I eventually start presenting as female and change my name:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fb%2Fb0%2FTransgender_Pride_flag.svg&hash=3442d5de09af01b4c004a8a1d61351c80df58bbe)
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Nicolette on July 28, 2013, 10:24:26 AM
Quote from: MariaMx on July 28, 2013, 10:00:05 AM
Perhaps, but personally I think I was probably wrong about most of the ones I thought I saw.

I had srs in Thailand 7 1/2 years ago and went back for AM last year. This time I thought all the patients looked way more passable than last time. Perhaps back then I focused way more on masculine features in women than I do today.

Occasionally I'll see someone I know for sure is trans, but I just try not to make eye contact and move on.

I'll be meeting a dozen trans women and men quite soon for my own SRS. I admit that I'm not the most social person in the world and thus quite apprehensive about it. It should be quite an eye-opener, especially for my Mum.  I haven't knowingly encountered anyone since 2000, if you exclude the couple I saw at my gender specialist's waiting room.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: JessicaH on July 28, 2013, 10:29:46 AM
Quote from: Nicolette on July 28, 2013, 09:16:48 AM
Ha ha! What aspects made you think they were trans, exactly?

I don't remember exactly but I think it was just the usual things. What finally convinced me that I was wrong was getting close enough to hear them speak. Something to think about for all the girls that want to pass but aren't investing in their voice.....

Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: kathyk on July 28, 2013, 10:36:05 AM
Quote from: Andaya on July 28, 2013, 10:07:09 AM
This doesn't really work on the fly, but there is always the gender pride flag :) this is likely going on my Facebook when I eventually start presenting as female and change my name:

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2Fb%2Fb0%2FTransgender_Pride_flag.svg&hash=3442d5de09af01b4c004a8a1d61351c80df58bbe)
A small copy of the flag is on the sun visor of my pickup, along with the Anime Avatar from my old Susan's account to remind me of where I started with dreams, tears, and wishful sighs.

I'm out of the conversation now.  Too much personal processing for me.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: MariaMx on July 28, 2013, 10:41:02 AM
Quote from: JessicaH on July 28, 2013, 10:29:46 AM
I don't remember exactly but I think it was just the usual things. What finally convinced me that I was wrong was getting close enough to hear them speak. Something to think about for all the girls that want to pass but aren't investing in their voice.....
This is so true. I've had this happen to me too. Usually it is in a check-out line or something. I might suspect it is possible the woman in front of me is trans, but then she speaks and I dismiss the whole idea out of hand. Generally, if you have a good voice, suspicion should disappear as soon as you open your mouth.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: vegie271 on July 28, 2013, 04:18:57 PM
Quote from: Heather on July 28, 2013, 09:22:07 AM
I must admit this is probably my biggest frustrations with trans people. I really don't get how on the one hand they can be totally proud of their sexuality. But on the other be so ashamed of who they really are! That attitude is the reason why being trans is never going to reach the same level of acceptance in society the being gay has become. I would hate to see where the gay rights movement would be now if it wasn't for gay people being proud of who they were.  ;)




Maybe because no one has ever actually tried to KILL YOU for who you are, I never actually went around "out and proud"  but I did not exactly hide it, I went to all the demonstrations and attended meetings and I spoke at various functions and actually helped other people understand what it was to be trans in my city, until a man who thought I was cis gender tried to rape me, when he found out I was actually tans he beat me practically to death. Not only did the police in my city refuse to investigate, they made fun of me. Made a joke of the whole thing. My jaw never healed, only two teeth meet. please forgive me if I don't want to let anyone in this wasteland to know I am trans.

besides, you consider yourself trans - I consider myself female - all point of view

Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Heather on July 28, 2013, 05:34:43 PM
Quote from: vegie271 on July 28, 2013, 04:18:57 PM





besides, you consider yourself trans - I consider myself female - all point of view


Now I know I'm about to say something controversial but I'm going to say it anyways! Yes I am trans and amount of surgery or drugs will ever change that fact. It's something I had to come to grips with but it's the truth. It's the same reason I could never be male either. Like it or not I'm trans I can't consider myself fully female because this was the way I was born. Maybe you see something wrong with that but I do not.  :)
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Joanna Dark on July 28, 2013, 05:54:43 PM
Quote from: vegie271 on July 28, 2013, 04:18:57 PM
Not only did the police in my city refuse to investigate, they made fun of me.

That's horrible. I had an encounter with the police and I had to tell the I was trans since they were calling a female office to search me and when I said i was male they thought I was being a smart a**, (I didn't think I passed before this, still kinda don't) and the police were extremely professional, nice, respectful and asked what I wanted to be called and everything. The whole encounter lasted about 10 minutes then I was on my way. This was a 'bout a month ago.

But yeah that's horrible. I'm so sorry.

Quote from: Heather on July 28, 2013, 05:34:43 PM
Now I know I'm about to say something controversial but I'm going to say it anyways! Yes I am trans and amount of surgery or drugs will ever change that fact. It's something I had to come to grips with but it's the truth. It's the same reason I could never be male either. Like it or not I'm trans I can't consider myself fully female because this was the way I was born. Maybe you see something wrong with that but I do not.  :)

I'm still on the fence about whether to consider myself female. Part of me is just like it will never be no matter how much I change, no matter what I do.
Title: Re: Is it wrong that I keep reading if people are trans?
Post by: Heather on July 28, 2013, 06:08:23 PM
Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 28, 2013, 05:54:43 PM


I'm still on the fence about whether to consider myself female. Part of me is just like it will never be no matter how much I change, no matter what I do.
Don't get me wrong I consider myself female. It's just I can't just lie to myself and say I'm not trans because I am. Nothing going to change that fact! It's not like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and that whole being born male thing never happened because it did.
But the whole point I was trying to make with my first post until we stand up for ourselves being trans is always going to be looked down upon.  :)