I recently spoke to my chaplain about my feelings and she directed me towards military one source for non-military related face to face counseling sessions done by civilians who wouldn't answer to my chain of command, however, I'm worried that a resource made just for military members wouldn't send the red flag up to my chain of command the second I tell them who I am and what I need to be seen for. Does anybody have any experience with military one source that could help with my fears? Thanks.
Quote from: Metora on July 16, 2013, 07:12:27 PM
I recently spoke to my chaplain about my feelings and she directed me towards military one source for non-military related face to face counseling sessions done by civilians who wouldn't answer to my chain of command, however, I'm worried that a resource made just for military members wouldn't send the red flag up to my chain of command the second I tell them who I am and what I need to be seen for. Does anybody have any experience with military one source that could help with my fears? Thanks.
Do not go there, one whiff you are trans and you will get discharged. In the US there is no way to transition or deal with GID while in uniform.
Sorry about the bad news
I would point to TAVA but they mostly deal with discharged personnel. Disclosure to medical without an exit plan in place could mean an administrative discharge.
http://www.tavausa.org/faq.html (http://www.tavausa.org/faq.html)
Peky, thanks for the warning, this unnecessary vendetta against TG in the military is a little out of hand, especially considering that there's no logical reason for it. I think my saving grace will be to find out if the one source consultants are members of the military themselves. Generally the way it works is if they're not military, they don't answer to any chain of command within it. Honestly, Flan the best plan I can throw together in my head is to get all of my education taken care of in the next year or so, and show myself the door out, if the military wants to discriminate against me, they'll learn screwing someone is a two way street.
Jessica B came out on the day DADT was repealed as part of her exit strategy. She worked with a Chaplain leading up to that. She may have some information for you, but transitioning in the service is still a no-go. Hugs, Devlyn
I don't know what one source is, but I landed myself in Mental Health once over depression and within a couple weeks I was discharged for GID. I never even mentioned it. If I had actually said something, it probably would have been faster.
Thanks, Devlyn. I think that's the easiest way out is to take what I need and let the military overreact and deliver me to the front gate, so I can begin what I truly need to do. Emily, one source is supposed to be a way for service members to seek help without notification of their chain of command, however, I'm worried about the point where I say what I need and them agreeing to schedule a counselor for me. Just thinking I'm unhappy is apparently illegal according to military policy. The only person I can get 100% confidence from is my chaplain but she's the one who pointed me to one source, although she wasn't completely sure of the ramifications of me going to them.
I'm having a really hard time believing there isn't a single individual who's in the same boat and has ANY advice to offer on this forum.
I knew a guy who was in the Reserves. His CO was sympathetic, and he was able to start transitioning, but the CO told the guy that this could totally change if he was transferred elsewhere. I have heard of this in the Reserves, though extremely rarely. I think the experience would be very different in the regular military. I also don't know as I haven't heard from lately.
He was able to work as part of the Reserves which involved stuff like fire fighting. But not sure otherwise.
AFAIK, the repeal of DOMA does not apply to trans people.
--Jay
Yeah your shrink needs to be off base or via Skype. On base with military it's like high school. Everyone's business tends to come out.
I had a very bad experience with military onesource. I was going through a rough period and set up to get phone counseling. It was important to me to finish my contract so I was trying to get help through them because I thought my command wouldn't fin out. Unfortunately, during the first session while still just kinda evaluating me, she interpreted "I would never commit suicide but lately I wish I didn't have reasons not to" as I was an threat to myself and without hearing why I felt that way called the ER of the local military hospital. It wasn't until after I got stuck in the psych ward that I opened up about my dysphoria. While I am being discharged because of being diagnosed with GID, I can at least say that have been pretty awesome about everything other than not giving me the option to stay in. While in the military psych ward, they put me in an empty room on the female side rather than put me with male roommates. I didn't think it was necessary but I was surprised that they thought about it. Every Army nurse and doctor in the ward encouraged me to embrace my feminine side and not be ashamed of it instead of trying to keep it bottled up. And instead of discharging me outright, they put me on Limited Duty for 6 months and are paying for me to go to a civilian therapist who has experience with trans clients. My Navy doctor said she did it to make sure I got a good start in therapy and give me a chance to figure things out before going back home. And everyone that has found out in the military since from the other enlisted sailors in my therapy group, my limited duty coordinator, and everyone in the chain of command at my limdu assignment who I felt it would be easier to just tell have been nothing but supportive and have yet to receive any ill will or dirty looks as to why I'm limited duty. I would have preferred to finish my time and dealt with transitioning in a couple years and am pretty offended that they don't want me just because I'd rather be a girl, but overall I am plesantly surprised with how I've been treated.
But the point of my story: Do not trust military one source to not inform your command and if medical finds out you have gender dysphoria, they do not have a choice, there is an instruction that the diagnosis does not allow you to stay in.
Aleon, I have heard of cases where those in the military could discreetly transition under the nose of their command.. The problem I see with that is how do you get the hormones on military health care? Some butterbar is going to see a male getting hormones that he doesn't need and start investigating. I could see paying out of pocket working. Tristan, I wholeheartedly agree, however, I do have one good friend I've confided in and it's paid off as far as my sanity is concerned, because these are certainly not new feelings for me. I wonder if maybe I would have been better off not joining the military, but I can't ignore the benefits it's laid out for me. It's kind of like I'm prolonging my life to collect the things I will need during it if that makes any sense? Skin, thanks for the message. I really appreciate it! If I might ask how did you go about getting through to a counselor? Did you mention GID or was suicide the reason you called? While I would like to finish my contract, I can't in good conscience knowing that they really don't want me anyways. How do people even start their transition in military without speaking to a counselor at some point? maybe if I wanted to talk to a counselor under false pretenses and then talk about what I'm really there for, would they turn me away? I can't ignore the strides I would make if I were beginning my transition as early as possible by the time I was out. Granted I should have started 5 years ago when I first told my mother about it, but she fought me every step of the way. I should talk to her about that.
It's been a few months now, so I don't know exactly who I called. I never mentioned GID to military onesource. I think I just called the main number and asked for counseling because I was having a rough period. Then they asked about suicidal thoughts and I don't know what I said but that first person must not of thought I was in crisis mode because she set me up with a phone counseling appointment for like a week later. I would like to point out that I never got the impression I wasn't wanted. My doctor in the hospital took the time to make it clear that while I was being diagnosed with GID that the diagnosis was soon changing to gender dysphoria because it is not a disorder and I shouldn't feel ashamed of it. And once I got out, the doc that put me on limdu showed me the instruction that said separation was required for the diagnosis and explained that hopefully it would change soon. But she also mentioned that it may be for the best as she thinks I should go home and transition instead of trying to hold it in for a couple more years anyway.
That's true. Flying under the radar might be best for now. It's just so difficult to not be who I truly am for the sake of a military that ultimately doesn't need me. The results of transitioning would be difficult to hide, especially being so far behind in my education at this point. My goal is a bachelors degree before I'm out and enough money to get myself started and on my way. Does civilian insurance often cover transition needs?
Personally, I would not feel comfortable transitioning under the radar while in. I have enough trouble simply explaining why I'm getting electrolysis on my facial hair. I would have to imagine at somepoint the results of hrt would be noticed, and I'm not sure at the repercussions for doing that without consulting your military PCM. And the biggest hurdle would be how long could you meet male PT standards after no longer having testosterone?
No I didn't mean I would start while I'm in, rather closer to when I'm planning on actually ending my career.
gotcha ;) November is when my limdu period ends and the separation will start. I'll try to remember to let you know how that part works out when it happens.
Please do! Any information what so ever is helpful, take care and good luck!
Quote from: Metora on July 17, 2013, 12:15:51 AM
That's true. Flying under the radar might be best for now. It's just so difficult to not be who I truly am for the sake of a military that ultimately doesn't need me. The results of transitioning would be difficult to hide, especially being so far behind in my education at this point. My goal is a bachelors degree before I'm out and enough money to get myself started and on my way. Does civilian insurance often cover transition needs?
If you become a Fed civilian you will be protected, and would not be fired or not hired because your GID. However, fed civilian health isurances do not cover "ransitioning" services yet, maybe in FY14 or FY 15.
I toughed out my four years and it was really hard. I can't really comment on Military One Source though but can say don't trust anything that the military has contracted through. If it were me I would seek a therapist on my own that is more obligated to me and my paying them instead of the military.
Most Chaplains have a moral obligation so your pretty much safe there. I'm sure that Military One Source has a contractual obligation and unless you know exactly what their obligations are to you and the military and you don't want to be outed, I wouldn't trust them too much.
AFAIK, the guy I know did not transition "discretely" OTOH this is a FTM. He was on low T I think and guys, well we "get away with transition" as masculine women are common. OTOH, the CO knew. However this was the Guard, and he was told that if was transferred there was no guarantee (I'd say there was a guarantee the other way!)
In the Guard there are gendered activities so that was really hard for him as he was actually not allowed to do things with the guys. Though his CO exempted him in some cases.
I also haven't seen him.
Sounds like a difficult thing, even with such a supportive CO. I am pretty sure that it is like HS everybody knows your business and the only "safe" therapy is off base.
--Jay
My plan right now is to get my education squared away. Go on a few deployments to make money. Then when I feel the time is right, come clean and let them decide how to go about it. I'd rather avoid a government job if I can, maybe with a bachelors I could land a well paying job after the military.
Quote from: peky on July 16, 2013, 07:27:36 PM
Do not go there, one whiff you are trans and you will get discharged. In the US there is no way to transition or deal with GID while in uniform.
Sorry about the bad news
This +1. Be very careful what you say and to whom. Even fellow soldiers or those who like to be nosey.
Thanks again, I'm pretty much decided that one source is not the place to stash my concerns. I'll just have to hold my breath until my situation gets better and I take what I need for myself.
I don't know how many more years you have Metora but I served four years. I spent two years out of country and had a real mission. I threw myself into my job and spent my off time learning the culture and meeting people. It was totally bearable for those two years. The last year and a half being back in country with no real mission and doing nothing but training in the same old country I already knew about is when it became hard. After 6 months I started thinking of ways to get discharged like throwing PT tests, becoming overweight and other things to try to get at least a general discharge. I never talked to anyone about it and the thing that helped me the most is the half cup full deal. "It's only a year" I would tell myself over and over again instead of " OH GOD, A year is such a long time." Before I knew it The 6 month point came then the 3 month point and then I had my papers to ETS.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it may get hard on you and watch out for the down time because that's when it would sneek up and bite me in the rear.
We're having a guy being discharged with under honorable conditions and he's a dirtbag, I'm trying to understand how someone who serves honorably but has GID could really get any less than that. Also if its a medical condition why is it considered an administrative discharge? The sooner I get out the better because I can dive into transition without anybody telling me otherwise.
Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 08:20:43 AM
We're having a guy being discharged with under honorable conditions and he's a dirtbag, I'm trying to understand how someone who serves honorably but has GID could really get any less than that. Also if its a medical condition why is it considered an administrative discharge? The sooner I get out the better because I can dive into transition without anybody telling me otherwise.
It's sad to say but the government is one of the biggest hypocrites when it come to double standards between civilians and military personel when it comes to gender identification not so much sexual orientation with the repeal of DADT. You can look into ways in which the military is discharging people under the honorable flag. I knew quite a few that got out by being overwieght under honorable conditions with more benefits than the standard ETS. This was at a time when the military was downsizing and it was extremely easy by being just a few pounds overweight and not losing them. If you failed three PT tests you would also get an honorable discharge.
That last sentence you wrote is where I had most of my problems. I hate anyone telling me how to dress, what hairstyle to have, what jewelry I can wear and so on. I would definately look into ways of being discharged honorably though because that record will follow you through life. Several jobs after the military I had to show my DDform214 now not so much but it carried a lot of bearing several years after I ETSed.
As for if you ever get negative feelings or guilt over not being able to finish the contract, don't worry about it. The only way I finished is that I have overwhelming GID. I do have GID but not at the point so many others have and I could supress it but just barely. If I would have signed on for another two years there is no way that I could have made it and any discharge would have been a relief. I really doubt that if I would have stayed stateside instead of an overseas post, I could have even made the 4 years.
I signed on for 6 because it shot me to e-3 about 8 months after my enlistment. The way I look at it is everyday I spend not pursuing this is a longer road I'm going to have to walk to pursue it later. Our command is pretty lenient I think. Because honestly, this guy screwed up all the time and he's keeping his benefits.
6 years? How many do you have left if you don't mind me asking? Recruiters aren't always wholy truthfull when it comes to what the military needs. I got my E1 right out of basic which was about 4 months, 3 months in my first duty station I had my E2 and 3 months after that my E3. Another year later I had my E4. I got told when I joined that I could request a German post but my recruiter failed to mention that isn't the way it really works in the real military. A lot of my fasttrack up the rank was do to delving into my job though.
A lenient command is a good thing. Stateside my Battalion Comander was an ex Ranger and we were always having his Fun Runs of which weren't very fun to me. One time it was upward to 8 miles. He didn't cut anyone any slack. We had to do a parade for an outgoing and incoming post commander and he trashed everyone that passed out on the parade field. He didn't like anyone even going on their knee to keep from passing out or to drink water during the ceremony. Yeah, he was a little bit of a butt. But lenient or not, I wouldn't trust them too much when it comes to gender identity issues because the millitary has a set ways on doing things. Since being trans is a taboo of sorts for the military, they may not be able to help too much.
My recruiter wasn't a liar by any means, he was the person I told about my original GID, I handed them the therapist records and everything I just said I didn't feel it anymore, which I didn't at the time, and I only had my weight left to worry about, I had to put on about 15 pounds to make my minimum weight. And putting on weight is not an easy thing for me. Honestly there's waivers for everything in the AF.
Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 09:51:57 AM
My recruiter wasn't a liar by any means, he was the person I told about my original GID, I handed them the therapist records and everything I just said I didn't feel it anymore, which I didn't at the time, and I only had my weight left to worry about, I had to put on about 15 pounds to make my minimum weight. And putting on weight is not an easy thing for me. Honestly there's waivers for everything in the AF.
Wow. You had to gain 15 pounds? I really wish putting on weight was hard for me to do. There you go though. If you aren't unhealthy at your pre enlistment weight that should be an honorable discharge just like being overweight. To get in ther are waivers for everything in every branch but getting out it just depends on the building up or sizing down on what is acceptable.
Sometimes we really think that we get the GID whipped but in my case it always came screaming back. For me it never actually went away but quietened down for differing periods of time. When I started accepting it and gave into it, it became more like a dull steady throb.
The waiver came for my weight my last day of meps, I didn't cut it, but the doctor didn't care and wrote the waiver. I wonder what having GID already on my record would mean. I'm very much the same way as far as it coming and going, I might accept this time and act on it when I feel the time is right. Even when I'm not in one of these spells I think about it with some interest.
Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 10:23:31 AM
The waiver came for my weight my last day of meps, I didn't cut it, but the doctor didn't care and wrote the waiver. I wonder what having GID already on my record would mean. I'm very much the same way as far as it coming and going, I might accept this time and act on it when I feel the time is right. Even when I'm not in one of these spells I think about it with some interest.
I'm really rather surprised that didn't knock you out from the get go.
Probably the fact that I was honest about it, and whatever was in my therapists notes didn't scare them. Kind of a weird situation. My recruiter was awesome though. I'm happy he understood it.
I was talking to a friend of mine about what I'm thinking and he's telling me that One Source is the best place to go. I'm really torn over it. I just got my education underway again, and I'm not sure if I can handle that, work AND therapy all at the same time. As much as I would like to speak to someone, I'm not even sure what I would be looking for of it. What do I do?? What are some questions I can ask myself first that could lead me to the right path?
Quote from: Metora on July 18, 2013, 05:25:49 PM
I was talking to a friend of mine about what I'm thinking and he's telling me that One Source is the best place to go. I'm really torn over it. I just got my education underway again, and I'm not sure if I can handle that, work AND therapy all at the same time. As much as I would like to speak to someone, I'm not even sure what I would be looking for of it. What do I do?? What are some questions I can ask myself first that could lead me to the right path?
I nor anyone else can tell you what you need to do. You just have to look to yourself and try and figure out how bad the gender dysphoria is and can you handle it for a while in order to finish your education while remaining in the military.
Therapy is not an everyday thing. Usually for about an hour once a week but you get to pick the frequency. If you use One Source, I would claim needing it for something else like anxiety until I met a therapist and gained trust in him/her. Then I would bring it up casually and non chalantly something like, " I thought I had these feelings conquered but they seem to be coming back at times." After a while you can go full throttle about the GID issues if you can trust them.
What your looking for from therapy? You probably know the answer to that already. Do you suffer depression or anxiety? Go for that in the beginning and then slowly open up and see where the sessions go.
There are things that you can do to kind of cope and allow a release for your self expression wile serving. I wouldn't go and drop a bunch of money on clothing, shoes, make up and a wig while living in the barracks though. Way too many inspections of the room and wall lockers. Can you live off post? I did. Although fairly expensive to rent something you are afforded the privacy to be yourself without too many fears of inspections and even if so, you can hide things really easy.
I would rather not give up my education so early because god knows they're good to take my benefits from me when I leave. So that's settled. As far as the therapist goes I really have no idea what I think I might want from them.. I would say no to depression or anxiety. The only depressin I feel is when I think about my situation honestly. The airforce works somewhat differently, we have our own rooms and space, but room inspections are often monthly. I did have a small box of clothes I left with a trusted friend while on deployment this year, but when I got back I decided it would be best to toss it out, I still think I made the right move. They were more of a liability than a comfort at this point. When I hit my 3 year mark, I'll move off base. Then my privacy will be mine and I got branch out a bit. How many sessions should I give the therapist before I decide if I trust them? I'm a pretty trusting individual, I'm nothing if not naive.
I can't really say for sure on how long it would take for you to trust them. I, by nature am not a very trusting person but can usually figure out if I can trust people fairly quickly. If the therapy bill is being payed by the military I would say give it a bit. Always ask questions from them like their education, what they think of this or that, how they would handle certain generalized cases and so on. My therapist is always accusing me of analysing him because I know just about as much about him as he of me. I do therapy for depression and anxiety even though I know my slow forward progressing GID is responsible, I just haven't and can't open up about it yet. So I would say use an excuse to see a therapist for something other than GID. It can always come out later when they have gained your trust.
Also when asking things of them, ask them what the policies are of them sharing info with the military. Just insert the GID in along with a lot of other things like OCD, MPD and any other disorder you can think about or find on the internet. Yeah, I'm pretty good about beating around the bush. It's not a bad thing to be trusting believe me. Being non trusting has caused me way more problems in therapy than not.
If they act with an air of supeiority, request another theapist. If they act like it's none of your business about their background, how they would handle certain situations and just refuse to talk to you as a fellow human being, request another therapist. They should make you as comfortable as possible, make you feel like your in a safe zone and relaxed enough to open up. If they get frustrated with you and your lack of "addressing the problem" request another therapist. They should have an extreme amount of patience and realize there are people out there like me that just can not open up in a short amount of time. BTW I had a therapist with all the negatives that I mentioned. She told me she could do nothing else for me without giving me enough time to feel comfortable. She dealt with GID too which is really what I needed and what I eventually would have worked toward if she could have put up with all the other BS that I spew out during therapy. The therapist I have now, while not as extensive a background, is a lot better, actually talks to me, no air of superiority, is very understanding and all around a better person. Before and after sessions we talk about other things unrelated to psychological issues. I am becoming quite comfortable and am able to hint at things about myself more than I ever could have the other one. He probably already knows but that is a leap that I have to take myself without a push.
You should be able to tell with the asking questions, personality, disclosure policies and background in about three or four sessions. But all of that depends upon you and your own willingness to open up. Like I said, with me I am just now beginning to hint at my true self and it's been over a year.
Yeah, I get that. My friend is saying I should call up one source and just say I'm looking to become a better person, and get a therapist that way. I'm not really lieing as I am seeking to better myself. But we only get like 12 free sessions. After that I'm on my own. I really appreciate the advice. I'm still nervous about calling.
Quote from: Metora on July 19, 2013, 10:53:43 AM
Yeah, I get that. My friend is saying I should call up one source and just say I'm looking to become a better person, and get a therapist that way. I'm not really lieing as I am seeking to better myself. But we only get like 12 free sessions. After that I'm on my own. I really appreciate the advice. I'm still nervous about calling.
You should definately know in 12 sessions. Probably more like 3.
Nervous about calling? I feel ya' hon. But just take the leap. You owe it to yourself.
Well you mentioned feeding them a bunch of crap to see if you trust them, but how can I expect them to believe it when I don't even believe the things I'm saying myself? It'll be hard for me to know when the time is right. My friend suggested someone by name, can you ask for specific therapists?
Quote from: Metora on July 19, 2013, 01:25:34 PM
Well you mentioned feeding them a bunch of crap to see if you trust them, but how can I expect them to believe it when I don't even believe the things I'm saying myself? It'll be hard for me to know when the time is right. My friend suggested someone by name, can you ask for specific therapists?
No. That's not the BS that I was talking about. When I throw around the BS its because I'm kinda' going in circles because I am trying to let things out but just can't. I use depression and social anxiety issues to deflect from my gender identity issues to lead the therapist away from that area. Yeah, I'm really screwed up when it comes to that. I'm not really scared to bring it up or even admit to it but I'm very protective of it. It's mine and I really don't know if I want to share it. Once it's out there then people will know for sure instead of making assumptions in the way of looks, actions and so on. Now I can be either or fairly easy. When it's out there I will have to be one or the other. I know, it doesn't make sense to me either. ???
In the beginning just ask them questions about their background. What they think and or how they feel about this or that. Policies on what they can share with the military and so on. Once you establish the trust you should feel more at ease and comfortable then you can open up enough to see what gets back to your chain of command.
I've decided I'm going to atleast talk to a therapist. I just need to figure out what I'm really looking for from it.
Air Force here, I am currently being seen by an off-base shrink under the guise of marriage councelling, She also said that military one-source is a decent resource to go to because they don't make roports to your chain of command but... you only get 10 or 12 sessions a year and once a month one hour session to vent is not enough, off-base shrink unlimitted, mine is so amazing, she is really understanding
Thanks for the advice, it's good to know that there is someone who is for sure doing what I've been planning about. I've come to realize that this feeling of mine doesn't just switch on and off, I get so used to feeling wrong that I forget there is something wrong until I'm reminded by something. I live in my own place now so I'm much more free to be myself. Unfortunately I'm being deployed this week so I won't be able to be me for a while again. I like to confide in one of my friends that works with me and even talk to his wife, but there isn't much either of them can offer me in terms of help, so I think even an hour a month to help me figure out my direction is more than what I've got now. Thanks again. Lastly, I want my mother to know what I'm going through but she seems to be the biggest opponent of what I'm feeling. She's the type that gets upset when there is something she doesn't understand and this is definitely one of those things. Any advice?
Best of luck on deployment. I am now out. Once both my Navy therapist and I agreed that I was ready to move forward she wrote the recommendation to my CO that I was diagnosed with GID and that it's disqualifying. He terminated my contract for the convenience of the government due to a condition not amounting to a disability. He looked at my record and gave me an honorable discharge, which I was expecting, but a general was possible. I am now about to use my GI Bill to go to school, and just started my care at the VA. I guess all things considered, the process of being discharged for GID was much smoother than I would have imagined, though I still wish it would not have happened.
I would be all for that, but knowing my luck and the way the USAF is, I would be looking at a general. I really want to get college out of the way before i speak to anyone because there's no telling where it will land me. The more I think about it the more it upsets me. The whole thing is ridiculous. There is zero, literally zero, evidence proving that transfolk are unable to comply with and excel at what their job demands of them. How can we boast to be the greatest military on this planet but can't figure out social reform without any sort of drama or political intervention when four of our closest allies did it without any sweat or blood involved. It leaves me speechless. Enough ranting tonight, I'm going to bed.
I understand. I know it is of no help to you, but I do sense that our military's stance on it is shifting. Certainly not quickly or soon enough, but it is.
This Thread just makes me so sad. I'm A Full Time Serving Member of The Royal Australian Airforce and I'm FTM. I have received some of the most incredible support from my CO and medical staff here on Base. They pay for Psych and some medical bills associated with transition including hormones. There's quite a number of currently serving Trans members in Army, Navy and Airforce here in Australia and I just Feel terrible that there are members of the American Military, proudly serving their country, that are still discriminated against like this. It really is just such a travesty. :(
Much Love,
Liam x