Well, here I am....getting things together to go out in public on Wednesday fully dressed as myself....for the first time....and I'm terrified. It was fear of looking like a big bald guy in a dress that stopped me from doing anything 20 years ago. Then, it stopped me 16 years ago, then 10 years ago, then just four years ago. Now, I don't really have a choice as a girl can only hide from herself for so long...or she goes over the big, dark edge of eternity.
So, I've lost weight – close to 80 pounds. I've worked out so I'm not fat any longer. My physical body has been changing for a while and I've been on HRT for 7 months so it isn't bad (still a way to go). I've been in counseling for well over a year. Got an appointment with the top wig designer in the US tonight at 5:00 so I'll get the best hair my visa can tolerate. I've been training my voice for months with a voice instructor who also corrects my mannerisms. Going to make up school Monday to augment what I have learned on the web. I'll get a manicure Tuesday. I'm putting together my clothing for that first time which will consist of clothes that I am comfortable in wearing – nice, flat fairly plain shoes, reasonably loose fitting pants (legs and bottom are strong points for me), nice shirt, subtle bra (breasts are good as well). I'm borrowing a necklace, ring and ear rings form my wife (who is leaving town for my exploratory week). Will shave very close (HRT has helped that). Made that first destination a support group function (although I have not been to the group before) so it will be at least somewhat friendly.
The bad part is my face, which is looking better than I ever thought it would still looks masculine. And my ears...we are talking dumbo ears here.
So, as I figuratively I have no balls (and really don't want to have them anyway) and am trying not to be terrified (but am really, really nervous), I'm asking .......
WHAT HAVE I FORGOTTEN??????
(I really admire those of you who do this without HRT.)
Honey, you sound incredibly well-prepared. Just remember to breathe, and have fun! :)
Quote from: JLT1 on July 18, 2013, 09:08:53 AM
(I really admire those of you who do this without HRT.)
Actually to be honest it was easier for me to go out before hrt. When I would go out before hrt I knew I didn't pass so there was no pressure to try to pass. Now it's a different story I want to pass so if I feel like I don't it severally effects my mood. But the best advice I can give you is just pay attention to yourself and ignore other people and just be yourself. That's really all there is to it when you learn what other people think is not important it's how you think of yourself that's important. ;)
Quote from: JLT1 on July 18, 2013, 09:08:53 AM
(I really admire those of you who do this without HRT.)
When I was younger it started as trying to be seen as a boy with big hair in makeup and skimpy clothes with the exception of the shoes. Most times people that didn't know me thought that I was a girl so I just kinda' rolled with it and started acting more like one.
Quote from: Heather on July 18, 2013, 09:44:10 AM
Actually to be honest it was easier for me to go out before hrt. When I would go out before hrt I knew I didn't pass so there was no pressure to try to pass. Now it's a different story I want to pass so if I feel like I don't it severally effects my mood. But the best advice I can give you is just pay attention to yourself and ignore other people and just be yourself. That's really all there is to it when you learn what other people think is not important it's how you think of yourself that's important. ;)
The first time I was in public with full on female makeup, teased hair and the clothing there was nothing about being selfconsious about it because I was supposed to be a boy dressed that way. It's just most people didn't see me that way and I ended up liking more the way they did see me. If I would try too hard, that's when I became selfconscious even though I looked and acted the same. Just being me and not caring what others thought was a lot less stressful.