Not sure where to put this, as it could pertain to those on HRT, or us in general...
So lets say you're not QUITE passing, but enough to confuse people, when you meet people and they ask you what gender you are, what do you say? I've been having to say I'm male, which kind of sucks because these people I meet I'm going to still have to see in 2 years. It's not like I want to be like, "hi, I'm actually trans..." right when I first meet them. I don't care telling them later (or not since it'll be obvious), but it just seems a little disheartening to have to say that now when I know I don't pass.
Maybe I'm "lucky" enough to get asked...but it sucks. I'd rather they not ask since it's currently changing, albeit slowly.
I say I'm male because I am one. I don't pass though, so it makes it very obvious I'm trans.
Quote from: smile_jma on July 19, 2013, 03:46:49 AM
Maybe I'm "lucky" enough to get asked...but it sucks. I'd rather they not ask since it's currently changing, albeit slowly.
I have the opposite problem, sort of. I used to pass as male, but then I had to stop taking T (financial problems) and could no longer bind, so now most people either assume I'm a butch lesbian or categorize me as an "it." Sometimes, under near-perfect conditions, I get lucky and pass, but mostly people alternate between staring at my chest and staring at my attempt at otherwise looking male, with that horrible "what
are you???" expression. Literally nobody has ever asked me what gender I am, and I wish people would just ask instead of staring at me as if they can figure it out on their own if they stare at me long enough and calculate whatever gender-discerning formula they think will result in the right answer.
I wish neither me nor anyone else had to go through the awkward don't-quite-pass stage of transitioning. It gets a bit depressing after a while.
I'm over the stage of worrying whether I pass or not, I can't ever remember signing up to some contract agreeing to be eye candy for other people, and I certainly don't feel any stigma in telling anyone that I'm trans. It's the truth and part of who I am.
If other people have an issue with that, then I'm sorry, it's not my problem. I can't be anyone other than who I am.
I confused people pretty much my whole (early) life. People who didn't know the family would often mistake me for a girl or ask one of my parents. By my mid teens if I was dressed in neutral clothing, I still confused people but if my clothes were a little snug or just overtly feminine I was assumed to be a girl. By the time I started college, even when dressed as a boy, nobody bought the act.
In childhood, I thought I was a girl so if anybody asked or used the wrong pronoun, I told them. By my teens, if I was asked "Are you a boy or a girl?" I would just answer "Yes." and by college I simply refused to answer that question - I was even registered under my first initial and family name with no gender stated.
I've been saying I'm a guy since I came out as FTM, long before I even started HRT. If people question me, I generally explain that I have a hormone deficiency and leave it up to them to decipher what I mean by that. If they figure out I'm trans, fine. If they don't, also fine. If they continue arguing with or misgendering me after I explain, they're probably not someone whose opinion or company I value anyways.
When I was beginning my transition, I really didn't care because people looked at me anyways. Eventually the longer I went on hormones, people saw me as androgynous, and I would tell them "Actually, I'm a woman!" and they would profusely apologise, lol.
Nowadays I just tell people that I grew up with hormone problems, especially in regards to my voice. It generally takes care of that curiosity.
Quote from: StellaB on July 19, 2013, 11:53:54 AM
I'm over the stage of worrying whether I pass or not, I can't ever remember signing up to some contract agreeing to be eye candy for other people, and I certainly don't feel any stigma in telling anyone that I'm trans. It's the truth and part of who I am.
If other people have an issue with that, then I'm sorry, it's not my problem. I can't be anyone other than who I am.
+1
"Hi, I'm Beth."
If there are indications that the person is perplexed ("confused" implies they're expecting one thing, but seeing another; "perplexed" means they can't make heads or tails over what they're looking at), I say words to the effect of, "Yes, it means what you might think it does...I am transitioning from male to female."
Simple, to the point, said with a smile and a gleam in the eye, while looking into theirs.
No further questions, Your Right Honorable Highness.
I use to say male. I still do sometimes if I want people to be confused or leave me alone
I was never asked what gender I was. One day I was "sir" and the next I was "ma'am". It all started my first time being out of the closet in San Francisco :)
I came back home a changed person after inadvertently being gendered properly everywhere I went.
Love that city <3
I'm never asked.
I'm a woman. End of story.
If someone has a problem with that, well it isn't my problem.
I don't pass and never will. So I use it to my advantage.
Today for example there was a meeting of about 100-200 staff and the CEO was addressing changes. I wanted to ask a question but time ran out.
The CEO walked straight up to me and apologised for not having time to answer my concern publicly so we ended up talking for about 10 mins as he walked to his car.
I got more time and more answers than anyone.
Why?
He recognised me.
My advantage, use it.
What am I?
I'm Cindy; a female human being. Post-trans and proud.
I have to say I'm male because of my voice. Sucks.
Quote from: smile_jma on July 24, 2013, 04:02:16 AM
I have to say I'm male because of my voice. Sucks.
There are 20-30 people on this site who have spoken to me on the phone. They all know my voice.
My voice is a deep male voice, with a strange mix of an Australian and Liverpool accent.
I'm a woman - my voice is a voice.
My gender is not linked to my voice.
And neither is yours.
I'm going to be rude - so take care. You are a woman, your voice is a voice and your genitals are genitals.
What are you apologising about?
Be you. Be proud.
Is it easy?
No
But I tell you what; there isn't a person of any relevance that I meet who doesn't respect me.
Why?
I'm me and I'm proud me.
You can do this.
I am nothing special.
I'm just another woman with a deep voice and a male looking face.
And no one's joke.
Cindy
I don't get asked, largely because I don't pass. But I do often get a double take and a look that says "Wait, what?!?"
Quote from: Cindy. on July 24, 2013, 03:44:54 AM
...
I'm Cindy; a female human being. Post-trans and proud.
Hello Cindy, i just wanted to ask you what is post-trans? How you define it?
I just knew former trans women living now stealth and cutting all connections to the very own trans-history and trans community.
Way back in the day.... when I first started I remember that some jerk came up in public and asked very loudly what the f was I, I looked at hime like huh? all confused and being the Pos he was he asked if I was a girl, a guy, or some f**, I said kinda loudly and very aggressively hmmm I'm not sure, but I am curious what the heck you are, to which he responded what you mean?,and my response I'm sorry I just cant figure out if you are a Piece of S*** or just anther F-ng A** hole!, to which he just said f-u and walked off....
I was at a wedding last Friday.. I got a similar question from some members of the grooms family.. Saying I was Mother-of-the-Bride shut them up..
Quote from: angelats on July 27, 2013, 06:20:30 PM
Hello Cindy, i just wanted to ask you what is post-trans? How you define it?
I just knew former trans women living now stealth and cutting all connections to the very own trans-history and trans community.
I'm a woman, I accept me as a woman, I owe no explanations to anyone about who or what I am. I'm me. A female.
I'm post trans, I'm not a trans*woman. I'm just a woman.
Quote from: Cindy on July 29, 2013, 02:41:49 PM
I'm post trans, I'm not a trans*woman. I'm just a woman.
I totally like they way you see that. I hope I'll get the chance to seeing it the same way.
Quote from: Cindy on July 29, 2013, 02:41:49 PM
I'm a woman, I accept me as a woman, I owe no explanations to anyone about who or what I am. I'm me. A female.
I'm post trans, I'm not a trans*woman. I'm just a woman.
I do wonder, what this is: just a woman.
Is it something corporeal for you? something spiritual? Is it your essence?
I do wonder what is your concept of womanhood. Of being just a woman.
You definitely do not owe me an explanation. But i am here to learn from you.
Quote from: angelats on August 03, 2013, 04:59:18 AM
I do wonder, what this is: just a woman.
Is it something corporeal for you? something spiritual? Is it your essence?
I do wonder what is your concept of womanhood. Of being just a woman.
You definitely do not owe me an explanation. But i am here to learn from you.
OK I'm not sure I understand the question.
I was born with male genitals and an XY:46 chromosome set. From very early age I identified as female. Well before conscious gender selection in children. To clarify, young children gender ID at about 3-6 years old, they do not need to be 'taught' their gender, they, the vast majority, just act and want to dress etc as their gender. I identified female in play and social interaction. a point we now look at in treating kids with potential GID.
I was sadly in an era were the condition was unrecognised, and if it was, it tended to be treated with aversion therapy.
I lived acted as a female all my life, yes I forced into male only schools to treat me and I was forced into male activity and positively restrained from participating in female activity.
At puberty I was waiting with joy to become a 'woman'. I won't go to far into the next few years, there are details from me in my history, they trigger me, and if you read them you will know why.
Suffice to say I was cruelly treated.
But throughout and maybe because of everything I had to accept me as a female who was being treated as a male.
I never knew what being a guy was, I never understood, I tried, Oh F* I tried. I wanted to be normal. I even married a woman who knew I was TG in the hope that would cure me. Guess what it didn't work. I was still a woman and I'm not a lesbian so our sex life was zilch. I still love her and she love me.
When, after a long road when I finally accepted me, I accepted me as a normal woman. I am. OK I'm sterile. But other women are.
No explanations? Why should I? I have and don't expect explanations from any other man or woman to describe themselves, why should I?
I'm a woman.
I'm proud, I'm nice, I'm attractive, I love my life.
I'm just a woman, just like 50%-ish of society.
Spirituality, essence? I don't have a clue.
I'm a woman.
I hate that question even when its some time since I got it.
last time a guy asked "are you a boy or a girl" I said. "what do you think?"
if im being more polite I say "im a guy" I think thats what suits me,
No one has actually ever asked whether I was a man. If an adult ever asked me that, my stock answer will be "Are you saying I look like a man?"
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 03, 2013, 10:31:00 AM
No one has actually ever asked whether I was a man. If an adult ever asked me that, my stock answer will be "Are you saying I look like a man?"
Perfect! That's exactly what any other woman would say. Then watch them trip all over themselves even worse than if they'd mistakenly asked someone if she's pregnant.
I love Cindy outlook on life. I have started selectively living my life in my real gender. Sometimes I get identified as female and recently I was in the drugstore paying for my cosmetics and cashier called me sir. So I guess I would consider myself somewhat passable my problem is I wish I had the courage that some of you show. It's like I want to take tennis lessons and do it as a female but I just don't want everyone staring at me and saying look at that nut in skirt. It's not that I don't go out but I feel safe in store or restaurant where I know I will not go back to on a regular basis. No one's ever asked me what sex I am. I guess it's my belief I don't want people to think ill of me or make fun. I guess I'd say what advice can you?
Quote from: Hope on August 03, 2013, 12:25:29 PM
I love Cindy outlook on life. I have started selectively living my life in my real gender. Sometimes I get identified as female and recently I was in the drugstore paying for my cosmetics and cashier called me sir. So I guess I would consider myself somewhat passable my problem is I wish I had the courage that some of you show. It's like I want to take tennis lessons and do it as a female but I just don't want everyone staring at me and saying look at that nut in skirt. It's not that I don't go out but I feel safe in store or restaurant where I know I will not go back to on a regular basis. No one's ever asked me what sex I am. I guess it's my belief I don't want people to think ill of me or make fun. I guess I'd say what advice can you?
Thank you.
But lets reflect on a few things. It hasn't taken courage to be me. It took courage to pretend I was
not me. Now a days life is a dream, I'm me, a normal woman, if others have a problem with identifying me, guess whose problem it is? Clue: not mine :laugh:
You can take comments about yourself in many ways. I don't listen to negative comments, I'm not interested in listening to them, why should I be?
I'm proud and confident, why not? Hell's Bells how many people live our lives and have our courage! I have walked paths; no, we have walked paths that would make the mighty tremble. Be proud!!!!!!!
The words from Carlita are still true. 'I'm more of a man than you will ever be and more of a woman than you will ever have'
Courage doesn't happen. Courage is engaging that persons' eye contact and letting them see your soul, you can then cure them for they then see their fears.
Tennis lessons? Go for it. Nut in a skirt? Nah, you are a woman in a tennis outfit. Simple. get used to it!
I am blessed that I pass 100% of the time now. Before (when I didn't pass) I usually gave two responses. The first was simply not responding. Who does that person think they are? Why should I feel like I owe them any explanation? I would just keep walking.
The second response was usually nasty. A middle finger usually got the point across or just a blank stare. I couldn't open my mouth without giving myself away so if I wasn't in the mood to deal with people I would be a jerk. Not that I advise it but to me they were asking for it by approaching me rudely with such a personal question.
Of course if it was a situation I would be in often like work I would react accordingly. As far as the general public? Screw em'.
Guy : Are you a boy or a girl?
Si: I - AM - SPARTAN! (Boot)
Right now in my current thought pattern I wouldn't mind identifying that i'm trans, maybe i'm just trying to appease hardcore feminists or something
I guess it's always going to depend on the situation isn't it? There is a time to educate, a time to protect yourself by oversimplifying or flat out lying. Sometimes humor. .. I guess you just have to have a range of answers up your sleeve.
Here are some lighthearted ribs...
'I am a girl, but with a severe hormone problem, thanks for reminding me.'
'Shhh! Don't blow my cover. .. The girls don't suspect a thing and are sharing all their secrets!'
'I am not sure. .. hold on I will go check....' (walk off)
'Im a cop.'
Quote from: Emmaline on August 11, 2013, 06:50:50 AM
'I am not sure. .. hold on I will go check....' (walk off)
'Im a cop.'
lmao both these 2 = win
or.... I'm Batman, :icon_smile:
Quote from: calico on July 29, 2013, 02:45:31 AM
Way back in the day.... when I first started I remember that some jerk came up in public and asked very loudly what the f was I, I looked at hime like huh? all confused and being the Pos he was he asked if I was a girl, a guy, or some f**, I said kinda loudly and very aggressively hmmm I'm not sure, but I am curious what the heck you are, to which he responded what you mean?,and my response I'm sorry I just cant figure out if you are a Piece of S*** or just anther F-ng A** hole!, to which he just said f-u and walked off....
there are plenty of times where I wish I would girl up and say something like that to a hater. I dont, and have a policy of "just keep walking" that I adhere too. reasons are many. I live in a barrio (great neighborhood and quite beautiful in its way), I often walk alone, and really, Im generally not wired to be confrontational. I do take a lot of abuse on a daily basis though. and it gets quite old. I leave the house feeling confident and pretty and sometimes I cant get much further than the sidewalk before someone says something crappy. This is a primary cause of gender related anxiety now that I am on HRT. The other main contributor is knowing my family (talk to them alot, rarely see them) will never accept me as a woman.
Quote from: smile_jma on July 19, 2013, 03:46:49 AM
Not sure where to put this, as it could pertain to those on HRT, or us in general...
So lets say you're not QUITE passing, but enough to confuse people, when you meet people and they ask you what gender you are, what do you say? I've been having to say I'm male, which kind of sucks because these people I meet I'm going to still have to see in 2 years. It's not like I want to be like, "hi, I'm actually trans..." right when I first meet them. I don't care telling them later (or not since it'll be obvious), but it just seems a little disheartening to have to say that now when I know I don't pass.
Maybe I'm "lucky" enough to get asked...but it sucks. I'd rather they not ask since it's currently changing, albeit slowly.
Just say you a female.
I get called on being a guy all the time and I still refer to myself as a female.
You just have to be confident in yourself!
There was a woman on here with a signature line that said something like, "Woman with a few anatomical anomalies." I rather like that.
Depends on who I'm talking with.
If it's someone I don't know etc, it's just "I'm a guy". It's just that simple. If they start asking stupid questions, I'll just tell them it's not their business at all.
But if I'm with someone I know and consider a good friend, I sometimes say as a joke that I'm a trans guy who's in a heterosexual relationship and draws gay stuff. |D It describes me quite perfectly.
I'm never asked. They assume one way or another (and less wrong now). Right now a LOT of people are not gendering me at all (so I'm guessing they are thinking I am either super butch or male). I would actually expect that question from a child and not an adult. And if a child asked me if I was a boy or girl, I'd say I was a boy.
--Jay
Quote from: dreaming.forever on July 19, 2013, 10:57:15 AM
I have the opposite problem, sort of. I used to pass as male, but then I had to stop taking T (financial problems) and could no longer bind, so now most people either assume I'm a butch lesbian or categorize me as an "it." Sometimes, under near-perfect conditions, I get lucky and pass, but mostly people alternate between staring at my chest and staring at my attempt at otherwise looking male, with that horrible "what are you???" expression. Literally nobody has ever asked me what gender I am, and I wish people would just ask instead of staring at me as if they can figure it out on their own if they stare at me long enough and calculate whatever gender-discerning formula they think will result in the right answer.
I wish neither me nor anyone else had to go through the awkward don't-quite-pass stage of transitioning. It gets a bit depressing after a while.
Totally agree!
Quote from: Cindy on July 24, 2013, 03:44:54 AM
I'm never asked.
I'm a woman. End of story.
If someone has a problem with that, well it isn't my problem.
I don't pass and never will. So I use it to my advantage.
Today for example there was a meeting of about 100-200 staff and the CEO was addressing changes. I wanted to ask a question but time ran out.
The CEO walked straight up to me and apologised for not having time to answer my concern publicly so we ended up talking for about 10 mins as he walked to his car.
I got more time and more answers than anyone.
Why?
He recognised me.
My advantage, use it.
What am I?
I'm Cindy; a female human being. Post-trans and proud.
I'm not sure who posted it, but someone shouted out at her from the other side of a busy street 'what the f* are you!?', to which she turned around, walked right up to him and shouted back 'I'm a f*ing human being! what the f* are you?'. Awesome
So not every person who will ask will be a hater. Have any of you had people asking which gender you are in a way that was not hurtful and was a positive experience?
Nope
Online there the safety of anomynimity so when asked I just say I'm a woman, and in person when I'm dressing up and trying to be pretty ill just tell them I'm a woman if asked. Besides that I think it'll help boost my confidence too.
I kind of identify with being trans. OTOH, if I were asked, I'm a guy. I don't think any stranger who would ask me deserves any kind of statement from me that I'm trans. But I am not ashamed of who I am.
--Jay
I usually don't have to answer that question. My fiance usually jumps up with a resounding "She's A WOMAN". ;D But in the few cases where i have been on my own and asked i usually say something like "WHAT DO YOU THINK?" or just "I'm A woman.!" non of there business what i am as along as i'm not hurting them or anyone else.! I would say 99% of people just want to know because they want to know, and the other 1% are just trying to be jerks.
:icon_geekdance:
I remember ages ago, during a homestay overseas, when my host mom kept being asked whether I was a boy or a girl. That felt wonderful looking back on it. It made it almost feel like my gender wasn't written in stone, that I had freedom. I remember just sheepishly not answering, letting my host mom do the talking. That wasn't very nice of me, I know...:-[
Now, I rarely have people ask. They just assume one way or the other.
Actually, the few times people have asked over the years, I seem to remember always responding "It's complicated" or even more upfront "My genes say male but my brain says female". These went over differently with different people, but then, that was back in the day. Not many knew about trans folks.
Whatever you do say, say it with a smile, and be genuine when you say it. That would be my advice.
If asked, someday I'll be able to answer "none!".