The last time I saw my mom she gave me the book "Paper Genders" by Walt Hayer which supposedly debunks the effectiveness of transitioning (*sigh*). I expect that reading it will only be hurtful (one of the Amazon reviews even calls it "disgusting"), so I'm not even going to bother. The question is, what should I do with it? I don't want to display it on my bookshelf, since I don't want my friends to think I'm anti-LGBT. I've thought about burning it when I go camping next week, but for whatever reason I still have some residual loyalty to my parents and I feel bad about the waste of money. I don't want to donate the book because somebody else might read it and believe it. What else is there to do?
Throw it away and don't think about it again.
Quote from: Anna! on July 28, 2013, 07:10:52 PM
What else is there to do?
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BjnOZLAtFVQ/UGx0uXUlTBI/AAAAAAAAB0Q/wZp7Ico0DOQ/s500/3566044905_48ae340e3f%255B1%255D.jpg)
It seems obvious this isn't about the book, the book is a symbol for the barrier between you. Give it back to her. Hold her hand, and tell her you love her, but your path isn't in this book. Hugs, Devlyn
Recycling is a good option.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on July 28, 2013, 07:28:05 PM
It seems obvious this isn't about the book, the book is a symbol for the barrier between you. Give it back to her. Hold her hand, and tell her you love her, but your path isn't in this book. Hugs, Devlyn
I may also mail it back... holding her hand and handing it back in person is out of the question after recent events (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,137150.msg1182126.html#msg1182126). I would really prefer to keep my distance.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on July 28, 2013, 07:28:05 PM
It seems obvious this isn't about the book, the book is a symbol for the barrier between you. Give it back to her. Hold her hand, and tell her you love her, but your path isn't in this book. Hugs, Devlyn
Isn't she the one who discussed harming you? I wouldn't do the above for fear of triggering a reaction from her. I would just recycle and move on.
Apologies, I missed that. Compost the book. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on July 28, 2013, 07:41:33 PM
Apologies, I missed that. Compost the book. Hugs, Devlyn
No worries :). This is a busy site and it's hard to keep up with everything sometimes.
If it bothers you, throw it away. You shouldn't torture yourself over something like this.
Though, I would probably read it. I know this sounds weird, but I enjoy hearing from those with different perspectives. I feel I can either learn to look at something some other way, learn about the other side of the position's psychology and/or find another way to pick up apart fallacious arguments to help educate those who hold ignorant views or incorrect positions (imo). Either way I benefit from the outcome. I guess I'm weird. I see everything as an educational experience. In the case of this book, I would read the book and then write a long detailed essay on why it is wrong which I would give to my mother. That way I can at least humor her and show her that I did give her book a read and considered her views while explaining why I have come to the conclusion that I have. However, in the case of your mother, I don't think anything at this point will put her at ease. She is on a different wave length.
So read it for your own entertainment or throw it away if it causing you emotional distress. That's about the only solution you have if you don't want it to fall into someone else's hands.
Over the years, I have kept a few things that my family gave me OUT OF LOVE or their version of it. In every case, I wanted to toss these things. When I hung onto them, they sort of ate away at me like acid. When I got rid of them, I felt much, much better. I gave away the book (it was a decent book, not like yours). The acrostic with my birth name on it? I tore that to shreds after hating it for fifteen years.
At this point in my life, I would have no trouble destroying a book like the one you received. If you recycle it, tear it up first. Doing so can be very satisfying and prevents anyone else from rescuing it intact.
ETA: I just read several pages of this book on Amazon. The author cleverly spins certain points ("LGBT people would say..."--uh, no, I don't think they would) and is extremely dishonest and misleading with statistics. Any reasonably competent reader should be able to see through him. In other words, most people won't.
I'd rip out page by page, then shove them through a shredder :angel:
I accept gifts as I do advice. Smile and accept gracefully. Use what you can or want and disregard the rest.
I'd get rid of the book. Never keep anything even of great material value from those with evil or malicious intent towards you either about your person or in your home. You don't need such karmic bonds. A good example of a karmic bond is something which you have sentimental value.
If you do go down a path which is wrong for you, then please feel sure that those with good intentions will be able to find a way of showing you without threatening you in any way. But I also feel that experience is the best teacher in life and most of the stuff you need to know or learn is stuff you teach yourself.
It's no different from school which is why you often remember the good teachers from childhood throughout your life.Good people in life inspire you to want to learn something rather than try to tear you down and show you you are wrong.
I would use to to start campfires. Then tell your mom that the book came in really handy during your camping trip. It literally gave you light and warmed you up.
Use it as something to put your drinks on
OR
If you ever run out of toilet paper....
That way you are still getting some use out of it.
There's always target practice or the option of using the pages as napkins
Consider filing it on the shelf next to Mein Kampf, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Tintin in the Congo, and God Made Dad & Mom.
Know your enemy!
Maddy
Just recycle it, that way your mom just helped the Earth. ;)
Though I also like Bethany's idea. >:-)
Amy
I like the composting idea. Maybe some flowers will grow. That book should be effective fertilizer after all.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on July 28, 2013, 09:44:15 PM
Just recycle it, that way your mom just helped the Earth. ;)
Though I also like Bethany's idea. >:-)
Amy
Nothing like roasting marshmellows for smores over a bad book. than Anna can say it also gave her food for thought. LOL
I been reading to many of Devlyn's posts
Quote from: Bethany Dawn on July 28, 2013, 10:11:14 PM
Nothing like roasting marshmellows for smores over a bad book. than Anna can say it also gave her food for thought. LOL
Forget what I said before, just go with Bethany's idea, it keeps getting better and better. :icon_cool:
Quote from: Bethany Dawn on July 28, 2013, 10:11:14 PM
Nothing like roasting marshmellows for smores over a bad book.
Ah, but wouldn't you worry the marshmallows would end up being poisoned by ignorance and misinformation?
Maddy
Quote from: MadeleineG on July 28, 2013, 10:15:31 PM
Ah, but wouldn't you worry the marshmallows would end up being poisoned by ignorance and misinformation?
Maddy
Nahh The only thing that a book like that can poison are the minds of people that actually read it.
Quote from: Bethany Dawn on July 28, 2013, 10:19:15 PM
Nahh The only thing that a book like that can poison are the minds of people that actually read it.
The author of this book deserves a good intellectual tar-and-feathering.
My exact thoughts after reading: Time for a good ol' fashion book burning!
Quote from: AmberSkyeArisen on July 29, 2013, 02:35:19 AM
My exact thoughts after reading: Time for a good ol' fashion book burning!
The more I think about it, the more I feel that book burnings is something that The Opposition would do...
Quote from: Anna! on July 29, 2013, 08:21:47 AM
The more I think about it, the more I feel that book burnings is something that The Opposition would do...
I agree. Burning a meanspirited or wrongheaded book may be cathartic, but you need to keep an intact copy on hand so you can rebut.
Burn the argument, not the pages.Maddy
Quote from: Bethany Dawn on July 28, 2013, 10:11:14 PM
Nothing like roasting marshmellows for smores over a bad book. than Anna can say it also gave her food for thought. LOL
I been reading to many of Devlyn's posts
There's a cure for that. Keep reading my posts to find out! >:-)
I'd shred the pages and burn it, making it harder for it to be repaired and given back. Then forget about it.
There are really only three choices to work with.
Ditch it, it is worthless and you don't need it.
Send it back and say thanks for the journal, but some idiot ruined it by writing dumb ->-bleeped-<- all over the pages and can she get her money back.
Send HER a present that clearly is the opposite of her gift.
But 2 and 3 likely just make things worse.
Quote from: MadeleineG on July 29, 2013, 11:28:06 AM
I agree. Burning a meanspirited or wrongheaded book may be cathartic, but you need to keep an intact copy on hand so you can rebut. Burn the argument, not the pages.
Maddy
Well said. It is horrifying to me to think of defacing pretty much any kind of book, so I have a difficult time advising you on what to do with it.
I'd probably read it... if I ran out of library books, and had nothing else lying around (it happens...).
Quote from: Anna! on July 28, 2013, 07:10:52 PM
The question is, what should I do with it?
I'd say you should put it in your bookshelf, in a dedicated area called "what you should give me as present if you want to upset me."
A symbolic burning sounds good, and should be cleansing. Then she truly will have given you a gift, which was the intention, right? :-)
Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on July 30, 2013, 04:01:15 AM
Then she truly will have given you a gift, which was the intention, right? :-)
Okay, you got me. That totally beats my proposal.
Actually, the comment about NOT burning the book actually rings true with me.
Nothing angers me more, than when I think of the loss of the Great Library of Alexandria.
Keep the book so you can reference it when needed. Because sometimes the bull->-bleeped-<-ters can't even get their bull->-bleeped-<- correct :)
Quote from: PiaBianca on July 30, 2013, 12:34:26 AM
I'd say you should put it in your bookshelf, in a dedicated area called "what you should give me as present if you want to upset me."
I actually like this idea. I might also put it in my basement, where maybe the spiders can read it.
burning it does sound fun but confronting your mother will dramatically strengthen you as a person. I had to put my foot down to my family about the way I live my life. and nothing feels better than taking control of your life and telling everyone to either accept you or get the hell out of my way!
Quote from: curiousandconsideringit on July 30, 2013, 08:53:25 PM
burning it does sound fun but confronting your mother will dramatically strengthen you as a person. I had to put my foot down to my family about the way I live my life. and nothing feels better than taking control of your life and telling everyone to either accept you or get the hell out of my way!
Yeah, this is a bad idea given Anna's situation. You're forgiven for not knowing the rest of the story :)
I am sorry. I didn't mean to give bad advice. I have always been a very independent person that did well on my own. I wouldn't suggest being as stubborn as me unless you are already on that path as it has never been easy for me.
All advice and opinions are welcome here, thank you for sharing your ideas curiousandconsideringit! I took the stubborn "i've made up my mind and nothing can stop me" approach for a few months, but my parents are control freaks and didn't work well. Now I'm afraid of being shot if I ever see them again
in that case I would steer clear too! I know being shot can't feel any better than getting stabbed and that sucked for a long time.
I just thought of what I think is a good idea for this situation. While the first part might sound hard to do it really might help your parents in the long run. Try to read the book they gave you and write out a book report, So it will prove you read it. Also state how after reading it how it made you feel.
Now for part 2 of my idea. While looking through Amazon's books I happened to find one titled "Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not"http://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Explained-For-Those-Who/dp/1449029574/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1375263070&sr=8-5&keywords=transgender (http://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Explained-For-Those-Who/dp/1449029574/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1375263070&sr=8-5&keywords=transgender)
I suggest that you buy this book or one like it, and send it as a gift to your parents along with a note that says something like this. Dear Mom and Dad, Thank you for the book, I did read it, please see the enclosed book report that I sent you. Now I want you to please read the book that I sent you. So you can see where I'm coming from.
That's a lovely idea but knowing what I know about the mother, she would never read it and so the only result would be that she would see that she had got Anna to read her literature. Also, as she has made threats against Anna, if she needs to bring a restraining order against her, then Anna should have no contact her.
I'd personally read it for the different perspective then give it back. And if they presented it to you, it's probably what they believe too so it helps with your strategy in talking to them.
Quote from: Anna! on July 28, 2013, 07:10:52 PM
The last time I saw my mom she gave me the book "Paper Genders" by Walt Hayer which supposedly debunks the effectiveness of transitioning (*sigh*). I expect that reading it will only be hurtful (one of the Amazon reviews even calls it "disgusting"), so I'm not even going to bother. The question is, what should I do with it? I don't want to display it on my bookshelf, since I don't want my friends to think I'm anti-LGBT. I've thought about burning it when I go camping next week, but for whatever reason I still have some residual loyalty to my parents and I feel bad about the waste of money. I don't want to donate the book because somebody else might read it and believe it. What else is there to do?
what can you do with a book you dont want to read?
-
1) use it as wood for canfire
2) use it as as a scetchbook for random drawing or notes
3) use the papers in the bottom of your guinie pigs cage
4) cut a hole in it and save your money
5) give it to the poor to sell
--
a few suggestions
Know that your not alone. I cannot go anywhere with my family because they refuse to call me by my new and legal name. They are critical of my wardrobe and accessories and when talking about me to others, still use my former gender. They are arrogant and conceited people and I cannot wait to graduate college and get my own place! everyone else I meet treats me and knows me as I now am, so I hang around with friends more than I am home. So, may God bless you, and if you ever need someone to talk to, you can reach out to me at christine.siims@yahoo.com.
Personally, I would put the book somewhere in my home where I could see it every day and use it as a gentle reminder to work on my feelings about my parents, accepting their limitations. If I don't accept them as they are, I can't make good decisions about how much to let them into my life and when I need to protect myself. I might set something right next to it that reminds me of my own values or strength.
When looking at the book didn't hurt any more, I'd know that work was done. And what happened next to the book wouldn't hardly matter.