Hi,
my name is Kajetan, or at least i chose this name. Actually im very nervous to be here, first because im no englisch native (so please excuse my errors).
The second reason is because i think im very shy, especailly because only two people know that i am a transgender.
I am born a woman, but i always wanted to be a boy, now that i am older i know that i am gay man in a womans body.
When i was younger, at the age of 19 i tried for a short period of time to be "myself" but it ended badly.
For a few years i could accept my body, mostly because i tried to imagine to be someone else.
The fact that i had a new boyfriend all the time made it somehow easier, when i was in longer relationship i lost naerly every interest in sex.
Since i can remembery live was very complicated, i had abusive parents and no support whatsoever from home.
I had a lot of problems, was depressed and suicidal, sex and anything related to it was no priority.
Now that i am lot better mentaly, im dealing with my sexaulity again.
I am not sure i can every be brave enough for surgery.
Since 2007 i am in a long time relationship with a very sweet and loving man, we had a lot of problems, but the last 2 years our relationsship are very happy.
Now that i have accepted how i really am, i´m sexually active again! :) And i started to be creative again, now i`m also writing und singing :)
My boyfriend knows everything about me and its alright for him to roleplay and we have talked about me beeing a man.
But at least a the moment he cant imagine being with me as a guy.
But i want to honest!I want to shout from the rooftops, but sometimes i dont now how to live withmyelf anymore.
And even though i feel a lot better i stoppt having contact with a lot of my friend, and stay mostly at home.
I think im really lonly because i fell like a liar all the time and dont now what to do and how to react.
Thank you for reading my introduction. maybe some of you can help my find a way to live with myself.
Im really thankful in advance. It felt good to get this of my chest :)
Kajetan
Hi Kajetan :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
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Hugs
V M
Hi Kajetan, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 6856. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Ollo,
I am relieved to hear you are doing a lot better mentally now. I feel distraught when i hear what others have been through. It's also wonderful to hear you have found a charming guy, and have been with him for a few years :C Now, you just need to find out how to get the ball rolling with progressing.
Welcome, kajetan! I am in southern California. Don't worry about your language. You post was entirely understandable.
And by the way you spelled "englisch" I guess you speak Deutsch.
Welcome to Susan's, kajetan! :)
Amy
Thank`s for the nice welcome and the encouragement! :)
nice meeting you all, the family part sounds nice.
And yes, my mother tongue is german ^^