I am writing this for both feedback but more so to hopefully help others that might be questioning their sexuality.
Also the last couple of days have been somewhat stressful and I have been feeling depressed also at some of my most questioning of my own gender issues.
When I was young maybe 7-8 I was introduced to the concept of transsexuals in such a way that I developed my first prejudice which lasted to a few years ago. Now here on Susans I feel joy when things go well for people and sorrow when things go poorly.
Here is where it gets a bit disturbing
When I was 9-10 playing with a friend I played the tied up damsel in distress. My first time climaxing was dressed in a one piece bathing suit and in self bondage. 90 % or more of the sexual releases that I have had in my life were while I was wearing women's underwear, imagining myself as a woman or as a man being tied down being used as a woman. Every time I finished I would be totally disgusted with myself, in fact I still have troubles accepting that.
(Yeah I'm not going to post a picture I don't think there would be enough alcohol to blur the horror of that mental image )
During secondary school and beyond I would never admit to myself that I might be transgender I still had that prejudice but I would often wish that I had of been born a girl. I never saw myself as a woman in a mans body nor did it bother me that I was male I just would have prefered to be a girl.
When I was playing mmo's I found that I only really associated with women never the men. One husband who was jealous of his wife chatting online with males didn't have a problem with her chatting with me (not really sure how to take that one :P)
Around 10 years ago or so a friend of mine came out as transgendered and I reacted poorly (not to his face but to other friends) but in the end it resulted to coming to terms with transgendered people and in the end accepting them. But I still said to myself "no I am not transgendered".
In the last 10 years or so I became obsessed with the sexual fantasy of being forcefully changed into a woman "against my will". Especially during the summer when my libido seems to be particularly bad I have thought quite a bit about finding estrogen somehow and self medicating until I had breasts. But I was still not transgendered. (my intention is to wait until I can eventually go through legal and safe means).
In the last month or so I was looking for forced feminization videos but I found myself watching videos on transsexuals and one was somewhat close to what I was feeling. It was finally at that point that I said maybe I am transgendered. Then I found Susans Place and a week or so later I signed up and here I am.
Today as I sit here writing what I have never told a soul, heck I wouldn't accept it in myself until very recently. Today I find myself thinking no I don't want to go through the uphill battle of transitioning. I am ok with presenting as a male and finally I feel that I want this not that I need it.
W.R., I had similar fantasies. I was somewhat more fortunate than you in that I was never in the slightest ashamed of any of my fantasies. I knew they were just fantasies and that how good a person I am has nothing to do with what turns me on. But my most intense turn-on involved finding myself in the body of a woman and being manhandled or bound by a faceless man. I would expect Susan's place is full of women with similar thoughts.
Actually it was comforting to realize that I might be trans
Well, I dont want to go into much details about this, but the fantasy You both described is quite high in the top of female sexual fantasies. Given that we have female-wired brains, there is no surprise we are having those fantasies too ;). Yes, I said "we" :P.
I also had the "faceless man" fantasy (my first sexual fantasy). I used to think that it was "faceless" but the more I think about it, the more I think that it might be "bodyless" too. It's a man in the most abstract sense, wherein I am sure it's a man, but if I try to focus on any specific aspect, the fantasy would disappear. Does that seem to more or less be the case for you girls?
What do you think the reason for the "faceless" aspect is? Deep seeded feelings of shame perhaps?
Quote from: su->-bleeped-<-ime link=topic=145971.msg1195489#msg1195489 date=1375608308
What do you think the reason for the "faceless" aspect is? Deep seeded feelings of shame perhaps?
Good question, Sushi. For me, he wasn't so much faceless as that his face didn't matter. As you say, he was a man in the abstract sense.
This is to contrast to the women in my fantasies (since I've pretty much only gone for women IRL) whom I can usually describe in vivid detail.
Well, what do you think this says about sexuality? I am attracted to men in the abstract sense, but it doesn't matter WHAT "real" man I think of, it just doesn't do anything for me.. ???
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 04, 2013, 07:41:33 AM
Good question, Sushi. For me, he wasn't so much faceless as that his face didn't matter. As you say, he was a man in the abstract sense.
The same for me :)
Quote from: su->-bleeped-<-ime link=topic=145971.msg1195555#msg1195555 date=1375620592
Well, what do you think this says about sexuality? I am attracted to men in the abstract sense, but it doesn't matter WHAT "real" man I think of, it just doesn't do anything for me.. ???
Sounds like we're at the same place.
I feel like I'm a lesbian teen discovering her sexuality. I really want to be attracted to men. I would give me a much more "mainstream" experience and make the pool of possible partners wider.
But no actual male does anything forme. Like that reluctant teen lesbian it seems that I'm destined to want women.
That being said, before I knew I was a transwoman, the idea of being with a man in my (then) male body grossed me out totally. However, once I shaved parts of my body and started feeling feminine, the idea of rough male skin against my soft skin started seeming more attractive. Interestingly, these feelings started BEFORE I began HRT.
There is a chance that SRS is in my future. If I ended up going through with it, I will be curious to see what having a vagina will do to my sexuality.
Like I say in my tag line a little validation goes a long ways. Thanks all
Sexual identity and sexual preference weave an interesting fabric in our lives. I was raised in a (ultra) conservative family. Being born a male meant that I had to love women. When I started my searching, being trans meant that I had to love men...I'm so glad that we are more enlightened now and have the opportunity to explore. I know that in my case, the closer I get to fully transitioning, the more I allow myself to consider men as sexual partners; something I never would have thought to do.
So, defiantly I can relate. I think your beginning to allow yourself to go down those paths that you are interested in. The spectrum is a broad thing and life is a journey...explore, but be safe!
Gwyn
Quote from: White Rabbit on August 03, 2013, 08:20:43 PMToday I find myself thinking no I don't want to go through the uphill battle of transitioning. I am ok with presenting as a male and finally I feel that I want this not that I need it.
That's OK. Nobody needs to transition unless she/he cannot be happy without it.
Quote from: White Rabbit on August 03, 2013, 08:20:43 PM
When I was 9-10 playing with a friend I played the tied up damsel in distress. My first time climaxing was dressed in a one piece bathing suit and in self bondage. 90 % or more of the sexual releases that I have had in my life were while I was wearing women's underwear, imagining myself as a woman or as a man being tied down being used as a woman.
Quote from: White Rabbit on August 03, 2013, 08:20:43 PM
When I was playing mmo's I found that I only really associated with women never the men.
Quote from: White Rabbit on August 03, 2013, 08:20:43 PM
In the last 10 years or so I became obsessed with the sexual fantasy of being forcefully changed into a woman "against my will".
Quote from: White Rabbit on August 03, 2013, 08:20:43 PM
In the last month or so I was looking for forced feminization videos
While I was never playing with a friend, I got the exact same experiences as you had. In MMOs I play female characters (like any male), but my main target is dressing them up in nice clothes. I have one male character as an excuse, but he is also dressed up.
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 03, 2013, 08:56:13 PM
finding myself in the body of a woman and being manhandled or bound by a faceless man
When I have this fantasy, it's most of the time done by a very beautiful women (who most of the time is an idealized version of the women I find attractive). The last years I had a man sometimes too; the man did never have a face or even a body, only the one thing was important...
Quote from: suzifrommd on August 04, 2013, 08:20:03 AM
I feel like I'm a lesbian teen discovering her sexuality. I really want to be attracted to men. I would give me a much more "mainstream" experience and make the pool of possible partners wider.
Yeah, that's kinda my mileage. I just don't know, if I really want to experience sex with a man. I just know that after SRS I might be wanting to test the possibilities of my new body.