There is a lot of my life that is wrapped up in a lot of things, and often in fact too often, it is negative or wrapped in unhappiness.
I am turfing it.
I am taking it out like the trash that it is.
Because while it is wrong to forget the past in a global societal human history sort of context, MY history has done me little good.
I have a couple of key moments in time, getting into the army, my first real job after that, my wedding day, the day my son was born, I can honestly say, that is a combination of time, that doesn't exceed 5-7 years and when you consider I am 51 as I type, well that leaves a lot of past I likely have little fondness for.
I won't miss it. I don't wish to remember it. I'd be glad to see it fade from memory.
A lot speak of how they have always known they were [insert gender here]. In my case, hindsight has revealed some things, but, my journey is mainly a recent one.
I'm starting fresh, and I am cleaning out the past from my life. The events the attitudes, and all the grief.
I am not saying I am voiding key moments where my word is involved. My wife is in no danger of my changing my mind there. But, I am walking away from my past. I am also thinking of getting rid of the grief and anything that keeps it alive in my life.
If I have said anything dumb ass here at Susan's prior to this post, I hope you will permit me to say I am unsaying it.
*hugs*
Good luck Lesley, I hope that you are able to move on from your past, it's not an easy thing to do.
I have tried somewhat to move past my past but it is a hard thing to do. There are a few things that I am not proud of, but they helped me become the person I am today.
Behaviours, mannerisms, claims, there is a lot of baggage in a lot of things from my past.
Stuff I have claimed was important to me, and I get to wondering some days, really? is it REALLY important to me? Is it even profiting me in any noticeable way. Genuinely getting me something of worth for the cost that is it causing me?
And the truth is, some of it has failed the test in the end. Simply has not been enough worth.
I am walking away from somethings as they are just bad investments, a drain on my soul my life my limited energies.
Doing some spring cleaning in the basement of my past :)
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on August 04, 2013, 03:20:07 PM
Behaviours, mannerisms, claims, there is a lot of baggage in a lot of things from my past.
Stuff I have claimed was important to me, and I get to wondering some days, really? is it REALLY important to me? Is it even profiting me in any noticeable way. Genuinely getting me something of worth for the cost that is it causing me?
And the truth is, some of it has failed the test in the end. Simply has not been enough worth.
I am walking away from somethings as they are just bad investments, a drain on my soul my life my limited energies.
Doing some spring cleaning in the basement of my past :)
Just wanted to say "thank you" for posting this, and being open about this aspect of your life...I too have some things from my past which I've held onto for years and years...never even thought to do a cost/benefit analysis of what is *actually* good for me, and what is no longer good...
8)
I live your words every day and the clean up is a daunting task.Triggers always seem to hit you when you are most vulnerable . I can say from my own life that it can be done but it comes with a cost.Just keep moving forward it will get easier with time .We are both starting our journey at about the same time except I am a lot older and will most likely have far fewer years than you.Shoulders back eyes forward and keep marching Forward.Hope to see your posts again I always enjoy them. Pat
I wish you success.
I to am trying to put to bed or at least confront many past issues too.
One of these days ill figure out how to do that, until then the past keeps calling me and trying to get me to help them move a couch or something >< and im too nice to say no
I try to learn from the past both the good and bad and become a better person,life is not always easy but is suppose to be? I feel the trials and setbacks have many times made me a better and stronger person to face the bumps in the road (proud to be the girl I have become) :angel:
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on August 04, 2013, 03:20:07 PM
Stuff I have claimed was important to me, and I get to wondering some days, really? is it REALLY important to me? Is it even profiting me in any noticeable way. Genuinely getting me something of worth for the cost that is it causing me?
I would say it all depends on how you see it. You are after all the main character, director and scriptwriter in your life.
I can offer an analogy from film making, from my transition within a transition.
The thing about film making is, that when you're filming it's never ideal. There's never enough time, or enough resources, and you have background noise, distractions and all sorts of other stuff going on.
But in editing, that's when you get to tell the story and you cut the footage you took into clips and rearrange the clips and bring them together to tell the story. I can spend an entire afternoon watching the same 2 minute video clip over and over again.
The words and actions never change for the camera saw everything and recorded it. But what can change are my feelings, emotions and ideas and I know that from hundreds of clips all I need is just one to inspire me to tell the story.
But then this is where the challenge lies - sticking to the one story and making sure it's the right story. All the movies you see in the movie theater and on DVD are but the tip of the iceberg and most of the movies which are made never get released.
I feel it's the same with our pasts, memories, and 'the baggage' we accumulate from life and dealing with other people. Nothing can change what happened, what's been said, and the decisions taken.
But see, you only have one life, and one set of memories, and you can change how you feel about that what lies in your past within a day, just one day, one hour, even one minute.
As a film maker it doesn't matter if I never find the right story, because I can always reshoot a movie and have a fresh set of video clips.
But you can't relive your life, can you?
But you can change how you feel about your past and what happened and create a totally different story.
All you need is a different day and a different perspective.