Susan's Place Transgender Resources

General Discussions => General discussions => ARGHHH! => Topic started by: Emmaline on August 05, 2013, 06:52:06 AM

Title: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Emmaline on August 05, 2013, 06:52:06 AM

My dad just died of a sudden heart attack.  I was teaching a night class and got the call halfway through.
No warning.  Was fine one day... then gone in a flash.  He came home from the hospital this morning with the all clear.  Chatted to him on phone.  Thats it.

I came out to him last month about being trans and he accepted me... which was nice... he wasnt entirely clear on the specifics but at least he got to hear why I was so depressed all my life and that it wasnt his fault bringing me up wrong or anything like that.

He wont see the real me, post transition... which is sad... but its probably going to be easier this way I guess.  He came from a old school background so seeing his son become a daughter... probably not on his list of fave things.

Not sure why I am writing this here. . Guess its been a huge source of hugs and smiles for me.

I am sad, surprised but handling it fine, and have lots of family support.  I am strong enough to not get depressed now.  Before I realised I was trans, depression would have flattened me like a truck.

But yeah, glad he heard the truth before he passed, and glad I have such great support.  Thanks everyone.  :'(
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: mrs izzy on August 05, 2013, 07:00:03 AM
I am sorry for your loss.  :(

Handful of hugs to help.

Izzy
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Danielle Emmalee on August 05, 2013, 07:01:58 AM
So sorry to hear. Good to hear you have lots of family support, that's always helpful.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: V M on August 05, 2013, 07:08:49 AM
Sorry to hear of your loss Emmaline, We are all here for you

Hugs

V M
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: SaveMeJeebus on August 05, 2013, 07:14:15 AM
It's shattering to hear your father passed away. You have my deepest sympathy.

It's nice to hear that you have lots of family and friend support. It's also lovely to hear you told him how you truly felt, and that he was fine by it =]

Title: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Eva Marie on August 05, 2013, 07:16:24 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about this Emmaline [[ hugs ]]
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Susan on August 05, 2013, 07:17:12 AM
Remember the good times, let the bad ones go!
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Devlyn on August 05, 2013, 07:37:23 AM
Big hug! Sorry about your Dad. You know we're here for you, hugs, Devlyn

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2Fcandle_flame_zps05f4fedd.jpg&hash=285a09e7b8bf8e817f352b51da1594081973557e)
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: big kim on August 05, 2013, 07:47:00 AM
Please accept my condolences
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: bethany on August 05, 2013, 07:58:22 AM
So sorry to hear about your loss. My condolances go out to you and your family.                                                               Hugs Bethany
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: ZoeM on August 05, 2013, 08:38:39 AM
Emmaline,
I'm so sorry. :(
He sounds like a wonderful person, and it's horrible that he's no longer there with you. 

I will be praying for you.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Edge on August 05, 2013, 09:23:24 AM
I am sorry for your loss.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Heather on August 05, 2013, 10:07:32 AM
I'm sorry for your loss Emmaline.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Athena on August 05, 2013, 10:26:35 AM
I am sorry for your loss.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Ms. OBrien CVT on August 05, 2013, 10:33:01 AM
It is always a shock when we lose loved ones suddenly, but he did know he has a daughter whom he loved.

You and your family are in my thoughts, Emmaline.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Renee on August 05, 2013, 11:59:44 AM
I'm sorry about your dad, dear. But at least he was able to know a little of the real you and was accepting, so you'll have good thoughts about him in the future and believe me, that does help.

Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: LordKAT on August 05, 2013, 02:32:39 PM
I went through the same thing a year and a half ago. Condolences.



Hugs even. Take care.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Emmaline on August 05, 2013, 07:46:48 PM
Thank you all... all this was nice to wake up to.  :)

I really wanted to highlight that coming to terms with being trans and coming out to my family has given me strength I previously didnt have.  It is a feeling of having this abundant inner resource to deal with such a blow where before I had no capacity- my mind was busy and deeply stressed.  I know who I am, why I am and that future me is someone really worth being.

Its also thanks to everyone here who have helped and encouraged me so far I am on the path to transition and that has helped me weather this knock.

So thank you all.


Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Anna++ on August 05, 2013, 07:53:24 PM
I'm so, so sorry to hear this.  *hugs*
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Ltl89 on August 05, 2013, 08:05:12 PM
I'm terribly sorry you are going through this.  Big hug.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: MadeleineG on August 05, 2013, 08:18:20 PM
I'm really sorry to learn about your loss. *supportive hug*
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Emmaline on August 06, 2013, 07:23:23 AM
Thanks all.  I am doing good so far.

I am dreading the 'you are the man of the house now' comments but its a small wince.  My nephew is a good foot taller than me and knows I am trans... so I will just shoot him a grin.  He is technically the next male in line - but thats our lityle secret for now.   :)

Now get back out of this thread and natter about trans stuff... I am doing fine ;)

Thanks again all!  Hugs.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Cindy on August 06, 2013, 09:42:53 AM
Hugs Emmaline,

I just saw this.

Nah you are the 'woman of the house' and your Dad loved you.

Hugs

Cindy
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Jamie D on August 07, 2013, 12:51:53 AM
My deepest condolences to you and your family, Emmaline.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Emmaline on August 08, 2013, 07:50:12 AM
Thanks all

Its been tricky balancing greif and my gender dysphoria.  I am away for a week from my girly stuff which is a vent.  I sneak quick trips here for my trans-fix. ( Lol.  I guess I am now transfixed :)  )

I am dreading having to man mode for the service.  Part of me wants to announce to everyone that I am trans and proudly his daughter, but its his day... not mine.  I want people to remember the occasion for the right reasons.

I have decided to get the celebrant to introduce me as his 'youngest child', not son- so I dont get that little stab of dysphoria right before I read the eulogy.

I am not looking forward to the small talk after- there will be a lot of gender references- like 'man of the house', proud of his son etc.   Winces and smiles.  Even death is laced with gender our culture.
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: Just Shelly on August 08, 2013, 09:00:43 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this :(

It's nice to hear you have people around for support :)

....and please cry if you need too...don't hold it in. 
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: SarahLynn on August 08, 2013, 11:35:48 AM
So sorry for your loss.  :(
Title: Re: oh. Dad just died.
Post by: mikaelmackison on August 10, 2013, 02:07:02 PM
I, too, am sorry for your loss.