So many times I hear from girls who are terrified that their mood swings and GID sometimes become very intense, and it scares them. So let me tell you about yesterday morning.
I woke up a little before 6am with a horrible lonely and unloved feeling. I began to cry, and it didn't stop no matter what was done. A few times I wished I'd be killed by some horrible disaster just to end the memories from a lifetime of suffering, hiding, embarrasment, and torture from a false life. The tears and memories didn't stop for six hours, and every time a little control was gained something else would bring up a memory and the tears would start again. YES, SIX F'ing HOURS. This was the worst breakdown in 10 months, but I kept trying to keep in mind that it would pass.
So just before noon Eastern Time I got in touch with a couple girls back in California for a little support. They were at a party the night before, but took the time to talk, and that's all it took to smooth out my mood. After those calls the day went on, and with no more tears. Oh there was still a little remorse about my past, but after those calls I went back to knowing "what's important is what's ahead".
Today is bright and sunny, and I've put yesterday behind me. These mood swings happen, and sometimes their absolutely horrible. I know they're set off by fatigue, lack of sleep, or hormone levels from injections, and I'm usually prepared. But even after more than a year on HRT there are still those days when I need a kind voice.
So my advice to you girls is to find someone you can call, email, instant message or anything else. Make some contacts and make some friends, even if you never see them and it's just over the internet. The best remedy yet is to have someone who personally knows transition, and can relate to us on that basis.
Take care girls. It really is a good morning again.
Kathy
Kathy, as much as I'm feeling sorry for what you have to go through as much jealous I am. It doesn't make any sense, but I hope to feel that soon. I want to let tears run down my face. I've missed that for oh so many years now. I was crying a lot as a child but I stopped because of my male gender; men don't cry ever.
That said I'm happy that you found your happiness again. I'll keep that advice in my mind; I have a good friend who I will talk to as soon as my status is clear. He's gay so I foresee him to be open minded enough to understand. I prefer real conversations with people able to hug me. A hug is so great; but men don't hug each other.
I do hug others. It feels good.
Kathy, you're great! Rock on, girl!
Quote from: kathyk on August 11, 2013, 06:57:45 AM
So my advice to you girls is to find someone you can call, email, instant message or anything else. Make some contacts and make some friends, even if you never see them and it's just over the internet. The best remedy yet is to have someone who personally knows transition, and can relate to us on that basis.
Kathy this such great advice none of us should attempt to go through transitioning alone it can be difficult at times. And I can't tell you how much women on this site and the ones I know in person have helped me through the rough points in my transition so far. :)
Like Heather said, that's grand advice! I had to stop seeing my therapist and I'm really missing having someone that I can talk to. Hopefully college changes that!
Also, call me crazy, but I wish I could cry like that. I've been on HRT for three weeks and my mood is the same old "blah" it was before. At least give me SOME indication you're working, dammit!
I once cried for almost a year straight. Everytime I would see a Ford Contour the tears started. Anytime I saw an ad for Orlando, boom, tears. It never stopped. I couldn't stop. My ex-fiance literally told me to stop and wouldn't be friends anymore because if it. She was horrid after the break up. She told people I used to beat her. Which is laughable since she is two inches taller and a 75 lbs. heavier and most women can beat me up and my one friend told me once that she could take me. I once lost to a girl at arm wresting and she was like "My record stands I still never lost to a girl." That's when I realized what people thought of me. I still can't believe she told people that. I don't think anyone believed it. Iy makes me want to cry lol
But I have always been super emotional. I actually feel like I am much more calm and on an even keel now that I am on HRT. I have zero dysphoria and I am working on an even keel. I mean I still cry a lot of something emotional happens but that is just normal.
It must be strange all the sudden having emotions. I guess I have trouble understanding wanting to cry and not being able too. It must be weird. Not saying there is anything wrong with that, it just hasn't been my experience but if you can cry now and have emotions, embrace it. I always feel better after crying. I've always been like this since I was a toddler.
I would kindly ask for a right to vent here in forum :), because sometimes this feeling "I am not going to get through this alone this time... " is just too overhelming.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 12, 2013, 01:49:53 AM
I once cried for almost a year straight. Everytime I would see a Ford Contour the tears started. Anytime I saw an ad for Orlando, boom, tears. It never stopped. I couldn't stop. My ex-fiance literally told me to stop and wouldn't be friends anymore because if it. She was horrid after the break up. She told people I used to beat her. Which is laughable since she is two inches taller and a 75 lbs. heavier and most women can beat me up and my one friend told me once that she could take me. I once lost to a girl at arm wresting and she was like "My record stands I still never lost to a girl." That's when I realized what people thought of me. I still can't believe she told people that. I don't think anyone believed it. Iy makes me want to cry lol
But I have always been super emotional. I actually feel like I am much more calm and on an even keel now that I am on HRT. I have zero dysphoria and I am working on an even keel. I mean I still cry a lot of something emotional happens but that is just normal.
It must be strange all the sudden having emotions. I guess I have trouble understanding wanting to cry and not being able too. It must be weird. Not saying there is anything wrong with that, it just hasn't been my experience but if you can cry now and have emotions, embrace it. I always feel better after crying. I've always been like this since I was a toddler.
That's terrible!!! Have you considered suing her for libel? I would..
I'm glad the post helped, and maybe it gave everyone starting out the knowledge that our little personal breakdowns do eventually happen. If you don't yet have a friend to call, email or message then post it on Susan's. And hey, maybe the moderators got tired of my having to turn to these pages for help last year when I went "through the wringer". But I didn't know where to turn then, and they were here for me.
Quote from: -Emily- on August 12, 2013, 02:12:52 AM
I would kindly ask for a right to vent here in forum :), because sometimes this feeling "I am not going to get through this alone this time... " is just too overhelming.
Funny. No one can give you permission to recieve something you already have.
Hugs Girls.
K