When I was planning my transition two years ago, and when I started a few months later, my mind was set on going "full time" at the 24-month mark. Then things changed, and for personal reasons, I decided to never be "full time" and to forever remain non-op.
But something has been growing in my mind for the last month or so. It started when I made a new friend one night while presenting as female. She asked me where I got my wig. I told her that I wasn't wearing a wig. Then she said that she was wondering because I had mentioned earlier in the conversation that I am not "full time."
You see, my current hair style is a bob. It's actually rather long for a bob; in a couple of months, it will grow past my shoulders. I know that bobs are always female styles, so I don't think that I'm presenting as male when I'm not presenting as female. (For this reason, I prefer not to say "boy mode" and "girl mode.") In my everyday appearance, wearing the same clothes that I've had for most of the last decade and no make-up, I am simply androgynous. Sometimes, I enjoy some minimally sadistic fun in making strangers confused about how to read me. Ever since I got my hair cut to the bob last December, I am addressed as ma'am more often than sir, but I get neither most often.
BUT. The truth is that I smile inside whenever I hear the "ma'am," and I frown inside whenever I hear the "sir," and I'm a little frustrated and disappointed whenever I hear neither. At the end of May, I stopped using men's restrooms and started using only women's restrooms because I got one funny look too many inside a men's restroom and don't like being in close quarters with so many men anyway. I do feel nervous when I'm in women's restrooms while not "en femme," so I try to go when they're pretty empty. But I've stood side-by-side with women in restrooms and haven't had any problems yet. To sum it up, I really do prefer and wish to be perceived as female even when I'm not trying for it, and it does seem to work more often than not. Furthermore, I constantly fantasize about getting FFS so that I'd never be perceived as anything but female, no matter what I'm wearing or the sound of my voice. (It will be the first thing that I do when I have enough money.)
All of that leads to me to question what "full time" means to me (i.e., am I already inadvertently "full time"?). So here's what I'm wondering: Is "full time" more a state of mind that you have and an effort that you make, or is it more the social role that others perceive about you, even if you're not trying for it?
Quote from: Silvermist on August 11, 2013, 10:15:09 AM
Is "full time" more a state of mind that you have and an effort that you make?
Yes! We have absolutely no control over how we are perceived by others, but we do have control over our own mindset and how we present ourselves in public.
To me, full time means presenting yourself as a woman all the time. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to be all dolled up . Apparently however how you are dressing you still come across to others as female otherwise you would probably have a problem in the women's restroom.
I also agree that another important aspect is how we perceive ourself especially in relation to our own confidence, which comes across to others.
"Full time" to me means that I present myself as a woman all the time, never looking by dress or mannerisms as a guy. And I'm with Shantel on the idea that I cannot control the perceptions of others, and it does not affect my being a woman.
I know my own thoughts and feelings are femme as well, because to "think guy" is literally painful to me.
eta: Although I was femme "inside" for much of 2011, the outside developed slowly...but by May of 2012 I asked my work to address me as "Beth" and female pronouns etc as part of my transition...from then on it hasn't been a single day of "guy."
For me, full time started when I asked all those around me to use female pronouns and my female name. I also started going out with a female presentation (I don't pass without a wig) so that I would be recognized as female.