Okay so I love this site and others like it because they are a huge resource for me. They help me with my struggle by allowing me to connect with like minded people that actually understand, from experience, what i'm going through. The only thing is they really don't help my wife's struggle in all of this, I know this site has a significant others section but only one section and the majority of the topics are older. There has to be resources specifically aimed towards significant others. Does anybody have resources that can ease her confusion and cope with the pressure? What works for your spouse or S.O. She is trying so hard so please help her! Thank you :)
I think you will find there are some great resources for So's. At my local lgbt center, they offer family support groups and one geared towards parents. I haven't looked for spouses, but there must be something along those lines. There is also plenty of group counselling available that would probably help you both. As for this site, there are some SO's here and bet they will be able to help if you have specific questions.
Good luck with everything! :)
I agree with LtL, there are people here ready and happy to share experiences on both sides. If you do have a local lgbt center, that may be a good resource as well.
My personal experience with my SO largely involves a lot of time on the internet. Even with all of the resources, it took longer still to find positive stories ( I know and understand not all spouses are able to make this work, for a variety of reasons, but I very badly wanted just positive but honest tales). I found very little, and cobbled it together to kind of make sense to me.
This forum has been the greatest source for me so far. While most of the SO topics are older, the emotion and actions are still relevant. I also find a lot of help by reading the mtf boards. Seeing the ups and downs that everyone seems to experience helps me to be ready for those times when my SO may go through something that I would otherwise be unfamiliar with.
If your wife is open to posting questions here, I am certain we could find somebody with some input.
Unfortunately, like prettypoly, I looked and looked and found almost nothing except the insistence that relationships never survive (or, best case scenario, the couple stays together "like siblings"). Even the local LGBT groups I've heard of mostly address LG issues, and there's been very scanty support for SOs as opposed to parents/family. PFLAG, for example, is terrific for family struggling with trans issues, but has almost nothing I've seen for partners - their flagship pamphlet is titled "Our Trans Children."
The good news is that since then, I've made a point of *being* that kind of support, and so have most of the SOs in successful relationships I've known. :) I particularly like to tell people that this is like any other major relationship stressor in that there is a VERY good chance of survival as long as both partners are still in love and interested in working hard at maintaining the romantic bond.
(Learningtolive : I very much wish that support for parents and family meant there "must be" attention paid to SOs, but my experience was that when I went to explicitly labeled as "support for partners" groups... well, one was dominated by very hurt, bitter SOs who said trans people were evil and all partners should leave, and one was dominated by trans women who told my wife to divorce me now before I got angry enough to destroy her life. I have not heard many positive stories of attempts to contact support groups, but I'd be absolutely thrilled if anyone could find and post contact information for groups like that!)
I would love to hear of any support for spouses who DO want to stay together and work things out.
My partner is ftm (pre everything) and I am struggling to find any resources available to SO's as well. I'm a complete newbie to Susan's and I've posted a few things but would love to talk to other SO's as well! :)