so about 2 weeks ago my mom text me saying that she was going to a therapist so she could better understand.
I was very excited my mom was coming around trying to understand.
a couple days later she text me telling me she saw the therapist and wanted to talk.
so im thinking all right this is good now that she understands more this will be easier.
a few days later I meet up with my mother and her attitude was pretty much the same.
the first think she starts with is how she went and saw a therapist
so I ask her how it went?
she respond with not that great. I responded with why
she goes on that he wasn't much help
I ask who you go see. and she tells me
the thing is I know this therapist and he is not a gender therapist.
and apparently the reason he was no help is because he couldn't give my mom a price on what everything would cost
im happy she went to therapy to try to understand
the thing that gets me one the therapist she saw wan not a gender therapist and she was more concern
about the price than what is going on in my head
My mom came with me to meet my therapist. It was not helpful as it only gave her more ammunition to use against me, as my therapist is trans and she doesn't believe she passes. It's sad she couldn't see past her appearance because the whole session was about how we are to deal with grieving and ways that I could help my family through this. It was a pretty objective look and she mainly sympathized with my families concerns and fears. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter whether the therapist is a gender therapist or not. I think what's most important is that she talks to someone who can help her adjust to your transition. I don't know if she needs a gender therapist in particular for that. Since she isn't transitioning, her issues are different even though they are related to your transition. Remember, one session isn't going to change things. The only thing that will allow most families to heal is time. And remember they will go back and forth. Some days things are good with my mom. The next day, like yesterday and tonight, I am a warped disgusting embarrassment who mortifies her. Progress is rarely achieved on a continuous path. There will be bumps along the road.
Maybe you could go to a trans support group with your mom? That may help. However, keep in mind, she may use the appearances of others against you. I have learned this the hard way. In that case, there are lgbt support groups for parents as well. That might be a good step for her.
I'm inclined to agree that a trans support group might be more helpful to a parent, if they had any openness about it. They are free to ask questions and that sort of thing. In some areas there might be a SOFFA group where they can ask questions without you around, that can also be valuable, while still be supportive of you. The question about what it would all cost though, not sure how easy that one is to answer. There are people who have tallied their expenses but even that is what they do, where they go, and all that. Not much help in individual situations. A therapist is such a mixed bag-- find one that you can relate to, who is knowledgable about trans, etc.
--Jay
Kelly, I'm sorry the therapist wasn't able to help your mom. :( I also agree that going to a trans or trans ally support group may help her.
When I first came out to mom, while she was supportive, she didn't understand how I could be trans. I found it helped when I made her watch Trans the movie since it helps to humanize us rather than depict us as some "weird fetish group." I've since made others watch it to help them understand and it usually does help. Maybe you could give it a shot?
I don't understand the worry about price. Unless that's her only concern because she thinks it will either break you financially or you'll come asking her for help paying for transition? No idea if that could be it or not. ???
LTL, that's awful but then again, maybe your mom is concerned you won't pass and it will endanger your life and that's the real reason behind her hostility? I don't know. :-\
*BIG HUGS*
Amy
OH yes, love Trans the Movie. Although you might want to view first. There is a long scene of a Transgender Day of Remembrance.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on August 12, 2013, 01:14:05 PM
There is a long scene of a Transgender Day of Remembrance.
That's the part of the movie that really helped my 14 year old son understand better.
Amy