I'm not sure if this was the best way to do things, but here is what I did:
1) Silently update my name / profile pic / cover photo / contact information
2) Sit back and see what the reaction is
I had one person email me asking if I was hacked. I politely explained what was going on and she thanked me for the info. My new photo got a "Uh ... what?" comment, so I replied to that explaining that I'm trans and that I've been on hormones for a while. I think this is quickly becoming my most "liked" picture and status ever...
At the beginning of the day I had 213 friends. I currently have 212. I'll check back later on to see how many I have left ...
Those that no longer want to be friends with you just don't deserve you as a friend if you ask me, so don't feel bad if there are way less facebook friends.
Congratulations on the coming out, and sorry to hear about the friend who'd dropped off.
It was just one friend. I spent the last several days going through my friends list and removing "That one girl from high school that sat across the room from me in one class" kind of people. When I started that I had something like 375 friends!
Quote from: Anna! on August 16, 2013, 11:10:49 AM
I'm not sure if this was the best way to do things, but here is what I did:
1) Silently update my name / profile pic / cover photo / contact information
2) Sit back and see what the reaction is
I had one person email me asking if I was hacked. I politely explained what was going on and she thanked me for the info. My new photo got a "Uh ... what?" comment, so I replied to that explaining that I'm trans and that I've been on hormones for a while. I think this is quickly becoming my most "liked" picture and status ever...
At the beginning of the day I had 213 friends. I currently have 212. I'll check back later on to see how many I have left ...
It's understandable that some would be confused initially. And screw the one person who took you off their friends list.
Congrats on coming so far!
I've been known to remove people if I can't figure out how I know them, so I'll just assume that whoever removed me wasn't being malicious :)
My cover photos in Facebook are usually the same as my avatars here in Susans. In some photos, I wear miniskirt and high heels. My colleagues, graduate students, and even my wife see those photos everyday through Facebook. Some people comment on those photos, but most do not.
I think Facebook is a great place for coming out. People are far more accepting than I thought before.
barbie~~
I came out on facebook as well to my family,so i dont feel it was a wrong way.I have seen a few other topics on it and tried to help those who did.After i came out,i made a 2nd page (which was based on my new name and so on) then told those on my old page *this is me and if you accept me,then add my new page-if not then later* then deleted it (the main) and thats how it was done.
Quote from: Chaos on August 16, 2013, 05:21:47 PM
I came out on facebook as well to my family,so i dont feel it was a wrong way.I have seen a few other topics on it and tried to help those who did.After i came out,i made a 2nd page (which was based on my new name and so on) then told those on my old page *this is me and if you accept me,then add my new page-if not then later* then deleted it (the main) and thats how it was done.
I did something similar. I'd originally set up my FB under my birth name (David), then set up an account with my chosen name (Connie). I friended Connie from David and eventually announced that they were one and the same. After about a month or so of running both pages, I shut the David page down.
Good for you, Anna!
It's been a few years so I never really gave it much thought until now, but I never had a FB account until I started my transition. Hahaha. I added friends who supported me through transition and I've added new friends since.
Is your family on FB too? I don't have much to do with my family any more but at least my brother and sister /friended me back after they found out I had a FB account. We don't chat much at all but at least we tolerate each other I guess. lol
Congrats! I haven't really come out on FB or anything but I do change my profile image and I never post images with makeup on but I might as well have as people have noticed and ask friends if I was becoming a woman or getting a sex change. I haven't lost a single friend. it's possible the friend you lost just noticed he or she doesn't know you so they were like cleaning up their friends list or something like you said.
My mom hates my images so I put up a more masculine one as I have a lot of fmaily on mine and she said she always worries someone will ask what is up with me. But I'm pretty sure everyone knows but maybe not. My one friend said he thought it was just the camera angle until he saw me in person. Luckily I only really care about my family and my BF so I spend a lot less time on FB as my BF hates it.
haha that does seem like a fun way to do it. I've been thinking of ways to approach coming out on Facebook. I was thinking of posting a status explaining everything, but that really isn't my style. I posted a self-portrait last week that I thought was a bit more androgynous-looking, and I think keeping up with photos like that will give people the right idea as I become more feminine. Maybe I'll change everything on April 1 and never change it back. The joke being that this is no joke. Nevermind, that's a terrible idea.
The mystery person was in the group of people I ended up with last night. Facebook came up and she mentioned that she deactivated her account to take a break from all the noise. We all joked that she'll be back :)
Doing facebook is nice, easier in a way. I changed my name, already had girly pictures, though very few of me. I never had my gender on there from the beginning. Noone really said anything other than who's this? since they were confused.
I think I have the shortest friend list on FB, of people who have a page there anyway.
I guard my privacy more than some people care for, so a 'social' networking site isn't my top priority for using.
I am curious how you made a genderless page though as you had to choose one when I set up mine.
If you started your account before they asked it will be genderless. That's the only way currently.
I shut down my old profile then some months later opened a new account. Trouble is that I have lost contact with a lot of friends that I would like to have kept :-/ Oh well.
OH. I wish they didn't ask, it feels intrusive. Maybe not for cisfolks though.
Though I've not tried the following myself, I've seen FB profiles that appear to have done this. It results in the pronoun "they" being used when an update is made.
http://fyeahgenderqueers.tumblr.com/post/19698179572/this-is-for-the-anon-who-was-trying-to-make-their (http://fyeahgenderqueers.tumblr.com/post/19698179572/this-is-for-the-anon-who-was-trying-to-make-their)
Quote from: Constance on August 19, 2013, 11:33:30 AM
Though I've not tried the following myself, I've seen FB profiles that appear to have done this. It results in the pronoun "they" being used when an update is made.
http://fyeahgenderqueers.tumblr.com/post/19698179572/this-is-for-the-anon-who-was-trying-to-make-their (http://fyeahgenderqueers.tumblr.com/post/19698179572/this-is-for-the-anon-who-was-trying-to-make-their)
Doesn't work.
The reason you see others that have this is that they did it before facebook made it impossible.
Oh, that's too bad. I guess it's tough to advertise to the non-binaries, so they force a gender choice. I can't see why else they'd take away such a feature.
This is similar to what I'm planning in my own life. I'm thinking that, once my legal name change and other documents are in order, much like you did, I'll just update my profile and let that be the 'larger world' announcement after I've already come out to my inner circle. Several close family members will have to wait for the larger one to avoid complications, but such is life.
Guess I got lucky.
I'm a privacy freak, too, and I don't use my name on facebook. The only identifying things about me are the few pics that friends tag me in and my workpalce. My birthday is hidden, email, phone, everything.
ye, I don't use my name and I'm not tagged in photos.
My facebook screens from smartphone.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm8.staticflickr.com%2F7363%2F11477116976_0fa94648a0_c.jpg&hash=977e3e9556b7414cb86e3d76feb74d01d1320b68) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm4.staticflickr.com%2F3788%2F11477116676_13c990caf2_c.jpg&hash=ce69cf40726b4d48a57ba9cd80c41ba09f3d9663)
barbie~~