Well I'll bet that more than just myself is asking this exact question to themselves and trying, and/or not knowing how, to be as feminine as possible. So far all I have ever really done has been under clothing. I haven't done anything that could be seen in public really besides experimenting and failing miserably with makeup.
I think this could be a worth-while thread for anyone to ask what should they do to pass as a woman. I really want to try on my days off to go into town as a woman but given I have no idea how to apply makeup and what clothing to wear for my body type I'm absolutely clueless. Here is the most recent picture of myself......and dear god the facial hair (I eventually get tired of shaving occasionally and just let it grow.....let's me pass unquestionably as male when I need to at least).......
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi40.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe239%2Fgoldendragonlord%2F405689_348949351805177_1086472568_n1_zpse95eadec.jpg&hash=de2f1411ba664a4f6a41916e0b5d753a292413ba) (http://s40.photobucket.com/user/goldendragonlord/media/405689_348949351805177_1086472568_n1_zpse95eadec.jpg.html)
Now I know obviously by that picture I need to shave. That picture is 2 years old but I still have the same appearance so cutting out the fact that there's facial hair and that I obviously needed to shave 2 years ago, what do I need to do to pass? I know I need a wig and I don't have a card to order one online but I can rectify that in a few days if need be. The only makeup I have is some foundation as close to my skin tone as I could find and some cheap mascara.
For those of whom that were going to ask, that's my....I think 8 month old daughter at the time. I have her birthday memorized but I really don't want to sit here and do the math to figure her exact age when it's not near her 2nd birthday yet in November. I do think though she's 8 months old in that picture. Again I'm probably wrong but I live at home alone, I decided to drink tonight, and I can't remember numbers right now.
Drinking is a bandaid. What do you think you need to do to pass?
Learning how to do make up ( that fits you ), finding the right hair style, clothing style, the look...etc..all of that takes time. Sometimes a lot of time.
I wouldn't get overburdened trying to think of "how do I do everything" all at once. Just like any other thing life, practice practice practice and lots of trial and error experimenting.
I certainly don't pass ( I'm very early trans, only 1 month on HRT ), everyone is different, but for me personally, the two things I feel helped my look the most was finally getting my eyebrows shaped out like a woman's and spending a lot of time with wigs finding a new color / style that really fit me.
You can get a 'makeover' in one of a number of stores. They will help you with th correct colors and show you how to apply each piece of makeup. Letting your hair grow out would help. When it comes to clothing, first watch what other women are wearing around you, then go to a discount or resale type store and just try on anything and everything that grabs your fancy until you have an outfit or two that works, or you think works. Having a female friend along can be very advantageous.
1. No mascara. Unless you're very skilled with it or going for a certain precise style (which won't work in the beginning for sure), that's mostly only appropriate for night outings.
2. As for the rest of make-up... the main thing is that you need to make your facial hair as invisible as you can. If the foundation does it, great. If not, some concealer (be it in a cheap-ish beige lipstick-like thing or a more expensive palette of colours) might do the trick. If your beard shadow has a bluish colour to it, then red can probably offset it. That can be performed with the specialized expensive palettes, but apparently some people have thought of a tip where they spread just a thin layer of red lipstick over their beard area (don't remember, maybe they mixed it with something?) and then spread the foundation over it. If nothing can be done, then there is the last recourse of DermaBlend, an expensive product for hiding scars. Apparently it works wonders.
Then you add powder. Pretty simple. Just brush it around everywhere. It has two purposes. One, it'll help foundation hold better against touch/water/etc. and two, if your foundation, like mine, "looks like make-up", it should give your skin a more natural appearance.
Then... Whatever you do, no blush or even eyeshadow. These products are mainly for night outings, and for day use, they are to be used with utmost precaution and skill, and in very subtle ways. No way a beginner can do that. Even, if you're in the unlucky bunch of beginners, you'll try it and THINK it looks fine, and then go out looking weird. So forget it for now.
And for last... your lips. Don't overdo it. Above everything, no flashy lipstick. How about some subtle, transparent-ish gloss for now?
As a whole, make-up is probably the hardest part of it all. It's easy to screw it up. The more kinds of make-up you add, the more risk you take. On the other hand, not wearing any, or wearing little of it, is no less womanly than wearing a lot of it. If anything it's more normal.
3. Your eyebrows are an extremely important part. They must look at least okay for a woman. And since a mistake hurts for a long time, ask a professional or a skilled friend to do this. It's cheap and should always yield something at least acceptable.
4. Dress... normal. The most normal you can think of for the season. If you want to pass above everything else, no dress. Dresses don't tend to flatter a male-ish figure at all. And to be honest, even though it's "in" right now, and even if you wear a really fashionable dress, dresses are the most easily "weird" kind of clothes. Trans or not. So uhm, yeah, as normal as you can think of.
A capri, a boat-neck t-shirt and something of a feminine-ish open shirt over it sounds like a safe thing to try, for example, if the temperatures are still summer-like. Anyhow, think normality and blending in. If you overly attract attention, people will look at you more and make it more likely that they'll see through you (not literally - I swear you won't become a ghost). And even if they don't, people will look at you and make you afraid that they know what's underneath, which will make you inconfident and stressed, which will also not help you at all.
And mind you, for example, it's not because so many thin women (well mostly girls actually) wear very short shorts that you can put it in the "normal" category. Even if you think your legs are okay. They may be, but at least for your first outing (and actually according to me for your hundred first outings until you're completely confident on every aspect) attracting attention and looks, for good or bad reasons, ends up being bad.
Look up how to dress in an advantageous way for your body shape, remaining within normal bounds. Quickly, I fished you up these, but don't hesitate to google around a bit yourself:
http://www.wikihow.com/Dress-for-Your-Body-Type
http://feminizationsecrets.com/category/fashion/
(I think on this site there were haircut tips too - take a look before buying a wig. Speaking of which, it's probably a lot safer, if you have the courage to do it, to go shop for a wig in person. What if you buy something that looks great on the website but not on you? You can just say you need it for a costume party or something.)
http://www.marksandspencer.com/Dress-your-Bodyshape-Dresses-Womens/b/1892339031
If you're tall, too, it might not hurt to look into ways to look shorter.
Oh, and another note, in case you're very oblivious to fashion. Fashion magazines are by far your worst reference when it comes to dressing normal. Fashion designers are eccentrics and love to do everything eccentrically. These articles feel like the bible - enormous metaphors and exaggerations to pass a small message. Except, the bible is a hundred times less cryptic. For example, the last fashion article I read, maybe a year ago, said "this year, red is worn from head to toes - no half measures!" Yes, wear a red hat, blouse, pants, bracelets and shoes and people won't think you're weird, yes. Not to mention, what's "in" right now is hipster clothes. Masculine, "boyfriend" clothes. Not your goal, even if you disagree with me and say it looks good.
5. Your voice is probably more important than all the rest. It must be passable, even if your looks are flawless. And if they're not then your voice must be flawless or close. Unless you don't intend to speak at all.
6. Of course, that's obvious, but you need to take care of your body hair. If you have darker hair that still shows quite a lot through the skin even shaved, then the good news is that laser will probably be effective on it, eventually. The bad news is that you need to pull it out. I recommend wax (not sugar!). It's pretty easy and if you do it like removing a band-aid, it's not so painful, and it becomes near-painless as you get used to it. Arm hair is a question you have to ask yourself: do you have arm hair that's acceptable, within normal borders, for a woman? I don't. Maybe you do.
7. Make sure you don't walk too masculinely. You don't need to especially walk like a woman. Just, not like a man. And make sure you don't overdo it. An overly hip-shaking model walk is, to be nice, very attention-attracting. The most simple thing I can think of is... if, when you walk, your shoulders move a lot alternatively (up and down and/or left and right and/or front and back), then you're walking wrong.
Imagine that old "dignified walking" training where they walk with books on their head. No need for books, but your shoulders (and ultimately head, which follows) shouldn't move much otherwise than up and down simultaneously, to follow your body that goes up and down with your steps. If the shoulders are okay, the rest probably is. As a bonus, the necessary lateral movement, if it's not in your shoulders, should move to your hips. Don't overdo it though. Model-like walking is bad.
The principle behind it all is that men tend to shift their weight strongly from one side to another when walking, the body itself remaining rather stiff and bending from one side to another, while women tend to keep their weight rather centered, the hips bending and absorbing the lateral movement.
Okay, all of the above is rather severe, and you may argue that XYZ thing that will help you pass isn't "you", but that's a choice you have to make. There's no arguing with tastes or personalities, but there sure are things that pass more than others. Whether, when and where you compromise between passability and tastes... only you can decide. Just make sure your liking for something doesn't impede your ability to discern its passability. Personally I recommend going extra safe in the beginning and then adjusting, if needed, to your tastes, as you gain confidence and your body gains feminity.
Wow. After typing something up I lost it. Oh well, try again. I watched a few makeup tip videos, but a couple of the best for me were for quick makeup tips. Raiderettegirl has a couple good videos and she takes the time to explain a lot. It helped since my makeup now takes only 5 to 8 minutes.
So. The post from A has this right. I'll just add that you should start out using a small amount of foundation and evenly spread it around with a sponge. I use cheap compact replacement sponges but they're not good around the eyes or directly around my eyebrows. And make sure you apply the foundation along the lines under each cheek, next to your mouth, on your chin and forehead, and any other deep wrinkle. Then work the foundation out from there, but make sure you get down your neck and blend it out between your breasts. You don't want to look like a plaster bust, or appear to have a mask on.
Yeah, a little blush goes a real long way and too much is terrible. Don't use blush or mascara until your comfortable with applying it, and then only use a little. Remember, a little makeup enhancement can quickly go too far, and the mascara and blush are giant offenders.
Eye shadow and liners are things you may not want to learn on your own. And you don't want to look like your learning in public, so see someone who can help you. Anyway shadows and liner are often best left for night life. I never use shadows or liners because of my age, and having one blind eye makes it real hard to work on half my face. Anyway, once your comfortable with mascara and your brow shape, 95% of the time you won't need much more. Again, a lot of eye makeup is only good for night life and not daywear.
And last. Use a neutral color lipstick that adds gloss and only a slight amount of color. It will do wonders for a natural look.
Why a sponge? My fingers work more than fine. And uhm, I'm not following on putting foundation that low at all. My mother warned me against going too low: I should put some on my face and then slightly extend it down my neck, certainly not further than half on it at most. I've never tried extending my make-up all the way to my chest, but I have a strong feeling that even if it doesn't look weird, it's a risky approach...
Quote from: A on August 20, 2013, 02:32:37 AM
1. No mascara. Unless you're very skilled with it or going for a certain precise style (which won't work in the beginning for sure), that's mostly only appropriate for night outings.
I don't get this. I use mascara often during the day. People can't even tell I'm wearing it unless I point it out or they're close to my face. How many mascara styles are there? I only have two. Thick or thin and black only.
Sometimes, it's the only make-up a girl uses.
Congratulations if you're skilled enough and you're going for and succeeding in that particular style that I mentioned. Truth is, most beginners are absolutely unable to pull it off. And from what I've seen, many girls who indeed use mascara primarily make a mistake doing so. I remember that girl in high school. Blonde, pale, but with black, flashy mascara but nothing else. She just didn't get it. And she's fat from my only example.
Me, even if I had the skill, I know it would be a bad idea. My eyelashes are too long and light colored. Even a little bit of it goes poof. And outside night settings, to be honest, I've only seen a minority of women who wore mascara look okay with it.
Anyhow, whatever the opinion about mascara, the fact remains that it's one of the most difficult kinds of make-up to use and it's not suitable for a first time.
Quote from: Nicolette on August 20, 2013, 10:20:46 AM
I don't get this. I use mascara often during the day. People can't even tell I'm wearing it unless I point it out or they're close to my face. How many mascara styles are there? I only have two. Thick or thin and black only.
Sometimes, it's the only make-up a girl uses.
I agree here, and have two modes too, think or thin. It's good to have some on especially if your curling your eyelashes (very good for opening your eyes up and giving a very feminine look).
I also use eyeliner, and eye shadow in moderation during the day, so it is an option, but be cautious of straying away from natural colours during the day. Especially at the beginining
Another important point is look after your hands and nails. You do not see women with crappy looking nails. But as everyone else says keep it in moderation. Shape and tidy the nails, buff them using a buffing and polishing block, and keep the polish to plain or very neutral tones (says me with violently pink polish on lol... however I'm pretty confident these days of who and what I look like and "know" I can pull if off, you will too :) )
Finally, just practice, see something you like try it! If it doesn't work try again. You'll soon find a style you like and that will enhance you. But build yourself up from the beginining, don't try to use everything at once, as A does say, but there isn't a reason that you can't use everything it's just appropriate amounts and style for the time of day.
Quote from: RachelH on August 20, 2013, 10:39:14 AM
I agree here, and have two modes too, think or thin. It's good to have some on especially if your curling your eyelashes (very good for opening your eyes up and giving a very feminine look).
Curling lashes on their own doesn't last long. Putting on mascara after curling keeps the curl frozen for the whole day. I love the look. It takes me seconds to put it on. Maybe I've forgotten there was a learning curve to it? Remember to keep your eyes open until it has dried!
Quote from: Nicolette on August 20, 2013, 10:47:34 AM
Curling lashes on their own doesn't last long. Putting on mascara after curling keeps the curl frozen for the whole day. I love the look. It takes me seconds to put it on. Maybe I've forgotten there was a learning curve to it? Remember to keep your eyes open until it has dried!
I think we all forget the learning curve. I use to watch one of my ex's put her makeup on and tried to copy her style, it took me ages, and it looked like someone had thrown makeup at my face. Now I must say I'm pretty good... although not as good as I would like that is why I practice even more, but I know I am better then some cis friends at using make up, just as they don't use it often or feel the need to practice. I think getting the eyes right is one of the hardest things to learn, just because one slip and you start heading into clown territory :(
I'll certainly go in and have a makeover for sure, for some reason I never thought of that. I would be so much easier to have a professional show mehow it's done and how it should look in the end. And see the first thing I was going to try was the mascara.
Away from the makeup subject, I do think I have a bit of a feminine but. So I'll try jeans and the T-shirt thing. I couldn't imagine trying a dress right now, I just don't have the figure yet. Too much muscle lol.
The hands part is going to be very difficult to get on top of considering my job in the oil field. Very thick callouses that I need and dead skin constantly flaking off (just icky when I look at my hands) but they're workin hands.
I really don't want to wax my chest again. What I've been using instead of shaving or waxing is Nair. That lotion stuff that when you let it sit for a while, when you rub it off the hair comes off with it. Really messy but really effective but only lasts a couple days. I am going to order the nono and give that a try.
IMO, mascara was the simpliest to master... It really depends on quality, having a magnifying mirror and steady hand (the latter, after having painted hundreds of model miniatures... You got it :P). I usually go for the thin mode and it really makes difference. Now, eyeliner... it makes me tickle... or I am simply doing something wrong.
A, warm thanks for posting that link - it was very helpful and provided a lot of insights!
Quote from: -Emily- on August 20, 2013, 11:09:30 AM
Now, eyeliner... it makes me tickle... or I am simply doing something wrong.
With eyeliner, sometimes less is better. Personally, I don't like the look where the eye is surrounded by one unbroken line of eyeliner eg. Egyptian look. I like subtlety. It's not often that I put eyeliner on my bottom lid, unless it's an occasion. Mostly, it's just the top lid, starting about a third from the eye corner, gradually increasing thickness towards the outer corner.
Quote from: Nicolette on August 20, 2013, 11:17:38 AM
With eyeliner, sometimes less is better. Personally, I don't like the look where the eye is surrounded by one unbroken line of eyeliner eg. Egyptian look. I like subtlety. It's not often that I put eyeliner on my bottom lid, unless it's an occasion. Mostly, it's just the top lid, starting about a third from the eye corner, gradually increasing thickness towards the outer corner.
I use eyeliner on my bottom lid and during the day but it's hardly the Cleopatra look. It's a lot more subtle. Like I'm wearing eyeliner in my avatar, and mascara, and blush, and eyeshadow, and foundation. But not lipstick. I rarely, if ever, wear lipstick. I think it makes me look like a clown. But I'm all about the eyes. Really it's all about subtly. The Op should do three things if she wants to master makeup: practice, practice, practice.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 20, 2013, 11:39:12 AM
The Op should do three things if she wants to master makeup: practice, practice, practice.
Well with what someone else mentioned before I'm definitely going to go in and have a professional do it and show me how I can do some things by myself and what to work on.
Quote from: Joanna Dark on August 20, 2013, 11:39:12 AM
I use eyeliner on my bottom lid and during the day but it's hardly the Cleopatra look. It's a lot more subtle. Like I'm wearing eyeliner in my avatar, and mascara, and blush, and eyeshadow, and foundation. But not lipstick. I rarely, if ever, wear lipstick. I think it makes me look like a clown. But I'm all about the eyes. Really it's all about subtly. The Op should do three things if she wants to master makeup: practice, practice, practice.
I don't like lipstick either. If I do then it's a very subtle colour. I agree, it's all about subtlety. And I must say that you're looking even more fab in your avatar.
Quote from: Nicolette on August 20, 2013, 11:43:34 AM
I don't like lipstick either. If I do then it's a very subtle colour. I agree, it's all about subtlety. And I must say that you're looking even more fab in your avatar.
Thanks!
I always got told that you choose dramatic eyes or lips, never both. Something after experimenting with I would agree with.
Quote from: A on August 20, 2013, 10:09:37 AM
Why a sponge? My fingers work more than fine. And uhm, I'm not following on putting foundation that low at all. My mother warned me against going too low: I should put some on my face and then slightly extend it down my neck, certainly not further than half on it at most. I've never tried extending my make-up all the way to my chest, but I have a strong feeling that even if it doesn't look weird, it's a risky approach...
Sponge just makes it a lot easier for me to work the foundation, and it holds and spreads areas that are too heavy. I guess I've just gotten used to them.
As I finish the foundation on my face and go down my neck there's always a small amount left on the sponge, and that gets spread out to lightly cover the area that would show with an open top or tank. It's something that came up in group last april, and it works for the light skin above and between my bra cups.
Quote from: Nicolette on August 20, 2013, 10:20:46 AM
I don't get this. I use mascara often during the day. People can't even tell I'm wearing it unless I point it out or they're close to my face. How many mascara styles are there? I only have two. Thick or thin and black only.
Sometimes, it's the only make-up a girl uses.
It took me a long time to get used to using mascara correctly especiall with one good eye, and now I use just a little whenever I put on makeup. And I think the OP may be better off not using it regularly until she has real confidence in how much to use. I'm lucky since my grey hair doesn't show a lot under the foundation as the day goes on, but if I use too much mascara my eyelashes clash with the grey, and they become super noticable.
I'm not saying every girl needs to do this or that, and it's just how I feel about makeup for beginners. Anyway, after a little while we all seem to know what we're comfortable with.
What sort of foundation do you have? (Liquid, for example.) It might explain why I don't understand.
I am using liquid foundation and I blend it in with my fingertips.
I use a liquid foundation, that I dab around my face, and then blend in using a good quality foundation brush. I would recommend brushes, they don't streak as much as sponges or fingers and unlike the sponge they don't absorb loads of foundation. But whatever you find gives you the best results :)
Uhm, I was talking to kathyk who was the one who intrigued me with her sponge, but thanks.
Also, using a brush for something else than powder is new to me. o.o
A sponge is for thicker foundation. I use cover f/x from sephora and it is almost like concealer in its consistency. So you need a sponge. You can use your finger tips if you are just using it for one spot or as a cover up. I use a liquid mostly and I use my finger tips.
Quote from: A on August 20, 2013, 02:50:31 PM
What sort of foundation do you have? (Liquid, for example.) It might explain why I don't understand.
I use liquids, and switched to Rimmel liquid because it's inexpensive and still covers very muck like a concealer as does the Sephora Joanna uses. Rimmel doesn't seem to last the way other liquids did, but it meets my needs.
Quote from: RachelH on August 20, 2013, 04:22:31 PM
I would recommend brushes, ... and unlike the sponge they don't absorb loads of foundation.
Oh my, these sponges absorb a ton. A girl can spend a fortune on some of them, so a good rinse and squeeze takes care of mine.
I see. Makes more sense for liquid. I did use an exfoliating brush (it was soft, unsuitable for exfoliation and I swear it did the job! xD) to remove extra foundation back when I used a liquid one. Then I switched to my current much easier to use "mousse".
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi174.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fw86%2Fanteyenazi%2FTPhoto_00003_zps964cffd0.jpg&hash=30652c0c6228dd0cce6fd262c6cb75e45038ab4e) (http://s174.photobucket.com/user/anteyenazi/media/TPhoto_00003_zps964cffd0.jpg.html)
10 months in. jaw bothers me quite a bit there is still a lot of fat there but a smaller jawline under all of it... how long till this remedies itself?
Quote from: justbeinggreene on August 21, 2013, 01:01:44 PM
10 months in. jaw bothers me quite a bit there is still a lot of fat there but a smaller jawline under all of it... how long till this remedies itself?
I don't know, you look pretty darn good in my opinion.
there are plenty of videos and tutorials on the internet for applying make up. I may not be much help, im an ftm, but i wear make up when in costume and had to for formal events. just give it a try, there's no harm in it, you don't like make up a sure fire way of getting it off is vaseline. get's rid of everything.
as far as passing, as long as you are confidently a woman people will pick up on that, wear more form fitting clothes, even men have hips. try to carry yourself more feminine, again you can pick that up through observation, as i am trying to carry myself more masculine, which sometimes works sometimes doesn't, i don't bind so once they see teh front of me they know im a girl almost immediately. but every so often i get a hey dude and it makes my day.
so just take baby steps. no need to rush.