something i noticed within the short timd ive been here is that many FTMs who pass well as men are reluctant to use mens washrooms. but that eventually brought into my mind the awful consequences of using womens rooms instead. so, with the hope of encouraging our transitioned friends to use mens washrooms and for some good laughs, you all are welcome to share your bathroom experiences...
starting with my own story,
i was at an airport of a middleeast country, with 9 other friends who were girls. (fyi-i didnt know then that i was trans, but i did prefer wearing boyish clothes and having my hair short) suddenly we all wanted to use the washroom, it was already full and with us 10, it became so crowded that we had to wait in line outside for our turn. finally the line moved and just as i was stepping in, a cleaner woman was coming out. when she saw me she started yelling 'no no you cant come in here!' i was stunned, my friends tried to explain but didnt know what to say. finally she realized and let me go in!
What a brilliant idea for a topic!
I have had this one a few times, and fairly recently too. I currently don't try and pass, I just wear what I'm comfortable in, however despite being rather large chested and wearing tshirts I still seem to pass.
Anyway the latest one I went into the ladies and no one else was in there. Phew, that's always the best way yeah? By the time I left the cubicle there was a young girl there. She saw me come out, stares at me, you can tell what she's thinking. She then reverses a little towards the door. Turns round and looks up above the entrance door.
Clearly looking to check if SHE was in the right room!!!!
That one always makes me laugh a little (although of course I hate how uncomfortable I feel) because how many of us have ever seen a bathroom with the gender sign on the inside?
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 22, 2013, 04:53:49 PM
Anyway the latest one I went into the ladies and no one else was in there. Phew, that's always the best way yeah? By the time I left the cubicle there was a young girl there. She saw me come out, stares at me, you can tell what she's thinking. She then reverses a little towards the door. Turns round and looks up above the entrance door.
Clearly looking to check if SHE was in the right room!!!!
That one happened to me recently: I went into the women's room because I was with my mom. Usually when people see me in there I get nothing more than a weird look, but this time a girl about my age walked in, looked at me when I was at the sink, backed out of the bathroom, and then walked back in with a confused look on her face.
It was quite satisfying actually, the proof I needed to tell me I can use the men's room.
On another note I found being in the US on holiday made my bathroom dysphoria 10 times worse. I figured if I go in wearing a t shirt with my chest clearly visible things are ok.
It wasn't until holidaying I realise how well I pass even in a tshirt, as everyone there seems to be far more vocal about the fact they think you've got it wrong or at the very least purposefully stare in such a way to make sure they have let you know their thoughts.
I think may be in the UK folk are a little more reserved and hide their thoughts on this.
It has had a very negative effect on my confidence knowing that in the UK even if people don't make their thoughts known they think I'm in the wrong room.
Well, I've got a few XD
My school decided it'd be brilliant to change a boys' bathroom into a girls' one, but considering that left a 3:1 bathroom ratio on that floor, plenty of guys would still use it during class anyway. I went in there and did my business, and when I was washing my hands this little asian girl walked in, saw me, and ran out. Poor girl :P
I tried using the girls' room because I didn't want to run into any awkward situations with people I was closeted to, but it got hard to do that when girls kept asking what I was doing in there and thought I was a creep or something. Mind you, I already felt like one being in there. So I gave up and tried avoiding the restrooms altogether until around the end of last year when I ended up being half-dragged into one by a guy I'm stealth to because we were having a conversation and he didn't want to interrupt it. I was a bit weirded out being in there, but several guys walked in and out and no one questioned. Big win for me, considering guys are a rare breed at this school and people are gendered as female automatically until proven otherwise.
Now I'm starting to get a lot less anxious about using the mens' in public and all, not once have I been questioned in there. I even went into one with a wet t-shirt draped over my bare chest and board shorts and no one cared, it was great! Pretty sure I'd be kicked out of the ladies' room by screaming women hitting me with their purses if I tried using one now :D
Quote from: CursedFireDean on August 22, 2013, 04:57:27 PM
That one happened to me recently: I went into the women's room because I was with my mom. Usually when people see me in there I get nothing more than a weird look, but this time a girl about my age walked in, looked at me when I was at the sink, backed out of the bathroom, and then walked back in with a confused look on her face.
It was quite satisfying actually, the proof I needed to tell me I can use the men's room.
Mmm it's funny isn't it (well afterwards, not so funny at the time).
Congrats on passing :)
Until recently I've never tried passing as I was dead set on the idea of never acting on my trans feelings. However after a very enlightening couple of sessions with my Psychotherapist, I am sooooooo ready to do this. Once I'm binding effectively I suspect I may try and move over to the gents, as I'm sure I'll get far less funny looks. My BF's been telling me this for years, but I never believed him :)
Up intil highschool I almost never used public washrooms. Even in grade school I remember trying to use the male washrooms and getting in trouble for it. This gave me kind of like a phobia where I only wanted to use home washroom in fear of getting laughed at. I peed my pants a lot on account of not being able to hold it all day and try and make it home in highschool I used to do the duck and sneak into the girls washroom because I wasn't out as trans. I was in grade 12 so all the grade 10s-12s knew me but the new grade 9's did not. Which made it awkward. Some times I would get trapped in there by a flock of girls and have to wait in the stall until they left. When I started college i passed well (90%) and instead of using my birth name I informed my teachers of my preferred name instead. The first couple months were shaky. I was still scared that some guy would try to start something but I quickly learned that (most) guys are way too homophobic to even look you in the eye in the washroom. Now I use the mens washroom 24/7 with no issues or crazy stories. Except shark week. then I try to use single washroom bathrooms.
The only time I've tried to use a male public toilet (pretty much just a fancy portaloo in the middle of nowhere) I opened the door to find a bloke backside hanging out his jeans. I quickly shut the door and dived into the disabled one because I was worried he'd notice I'd gone into the female one next door.
That same holiday I was in a female bathroom, and washing my hands, a woman came in, saw me, and did the double check of the door. I didn't imagine that anyone would actually do that although I'd heard the stories.
My worst bathroom experience actually shook me up a bit. I was in a pub helping my friend get a drink of water because she felt sick, on one of my friends birthday parties. There were quite a few people I'd never met there, and one girl came put of the cubicle and just stared at me, eventually asking, "What's he doing in here?" I couldn't face answering that I was female, because we'll, I'm not, and left it to my friend to point out it was okay. Later on the landlord opens the door, reaches in and grabs me by the collar and tries to pull me out shouting and swearing at me. I wrenched myself away and managed not to get dragged out, but shortly after that we all got kicked out, probably no thanks to me. In my anger I punched the tampon machine and could hardly move my hand for a week or so.
The funniest bathroom experience I have had actually was before I started using the men's. Wasn't passing and at work I was not out yet. So I was at this conference and I nearly walked in the men's room. I broke down and started laughing. Two women started laughing as well. I am pretty sure, I was laughing for a whole different reason than they were.
I stopped using the women's room when I talked with some guys at Philly Transhealth and we all decided we were safer in the men's room as men in RRs never pay attention to anything anyway, while women are very aware of their surroundings.
--Jay
i can't go into a bathroom without a friend going with me, and this was even more so the start of my freshman year of high school. i was at the mall with some friends of mine, and the three of us went into the bathroom. we finished and washed our hands. one of my friends was going through his "scene" phase and started fixing his eyeliner in the mirror, which i didn't think was a big deal. just as we were about finished i heard a deep voice behind us say a very homophobic slur, and naturally with my anxiety, i thought he was talking to me, i almost peed my pants haha but i turned around to realize he was talking to my friend. i was slightly relieved yet still pretty upset over it, especially since it was some twenty-something dude trying to start a fight with 14 and 13 year olds. ah well.
that same year i went into the bathroom at my school with the same friends during after school band rehearsal. that year i played alto sax, and my senior section leader happened to be in the bathroom at the same time. he glared at me and asked, "are you sure you're supposed to be in here?" he worded it in a neutral way but i knew he was trying to be a dirtbag. i hated that kid. the rest of practice was awful.
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 22, 2013, 05:42:17 PM
"What's he doing in here?"
Slightly off topic, well.....off the bathroom topic but similar as it's a case of people thinking you're in the wrong clothes instead of the wrong room.
Reading this bit of your post Alex reminds me of another incident that happened to me.
I was, dare I say it, wearing a skirt (yuck-washes mouth out with soap and water. For the record I haven't worn one now for 21 years) and must have been around 14 or 15. I was crossing the road and two young lads were playing when one shouts out to the other (and I'm pretty sure these were more or less his exact words):
"Oh, that boy's got a skirt on"PROUD TRANS MOMENT!!!! :D
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 22, 2013, 05:00:53 PM
On another note I found being in the US on holiday made my bathroom dysphoria 10 times worse. I figured if I go in wearing a t shirt with my chest clearly visible things are ok.
It wasn't until holidaying I realise how well I pass even in a tshirt, as everyone there seems to be far more vocal about the fact they think you've got it wrong or at the very least purposefully stare in such a way to make sure they have let you know their thoughts.
I think may be in the UK folk are a little more reserved and hide their thoughts on this.
It has had a very negative effect on my confidence knowing that in the UK even if people don't make their thoughts known they think I'm in the wrong room.
interesting, the absolute worst experience i had in a bathrooom was in the uk. I also experienced much more general and frequent hostility in the uk when i "didnt pass" than i did in the US. Maybe its cultural misunderstanding or something. Maybe in the us folks are just a bit more thoughtful or something about it...
Quote from: chuck on August 23, 2013, 07:01:34 AM
interesting, the absolute worst experience i had in a bathrooom was in the uk. I also experienced much more general and frequent hostility in the uk when i "didnt pass" than i did in the US. Maybe its cultural misunderstanding or something. Maybe in the us folks are just a bit more thoughtful or something about it...
Hmmm that's interesting. Sorry to hear of your bad experience.
All I've had is either people staring at you, or looking back to see if THEY are wrong, or occasionally saying something. If they say something then of course I'll reply and my voice confirms thay are wrong and I am right. They then usually look embarrassed.
Still unpleasant whatever though. :(
When I was in the UK for holiday I saw lots of unisex toilets (yay!) so I went into those instead. No weird glares, no fuss, no problems. I love unisex toilets! :D
But anyway, some may know I cut off my dreads (yes, really. Not kidding), and since I did so I have been gendered as male like FIVE times in a row! (Downside is that when they said "Hey, young man" and I replied with "Yes?" they were like "Ohhhh, sorry miss!" EACH time. Argh! Stupid people...) One of them was when I wanted to go to the toilet. I was in my *cough* hell week *cough*, so using the men's was definitely out of the question. (I wanted to do it for a sec tho, as the line for the women's was super LONG and I hate standing in line for the toilet. I really want to get it over with A.S.A.P.) At some point the girl in front of me turned around, looking over me awkwardly and saying "Ehh, dude, this is the girls!"
Ahhhh, that word... :) "dude"
Almost gave me a laughing fit, but managed not to once I realized it was in my favourite week of the month *sarcasm* and really HAD to use the women's and HAD to tell her. I just mumbled a quiet "I know", unable to say "I AM a girl". She got the hint, but still looked at me with a "what-a-freak" expression and I heard her giggle with her friends when I walked out.
God, that was SO awkward #O___O#
But I'm still happy that she said "dude" Hah!
A few days ago I had the same experience with checking if I'M in the right bathroom. :D Now I pass in every situation so I was confused. I was at a party in a boat at went to the men's bathroom, and this girl just came out...I needed to go back to see if I didn't make a mistake ;D Turned out his bf (I suppose) was in one of the stalls xD Everything's clear :P
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 22, 2013, 05:00:53 PM
I think may be in the UK folk are a little more reserved and hide their thoughts on this.
^ This. I grew up in South Africa, where the society is very much like American society in that strangers seem to think they have a right to get in your business.
When I moved back to the UK, I noticed that British people keep themselves to themselves a heck of a lot more. They don't tend to stare so much, and they don't tend to pass comment. People can wear, do or say the most ridiculous things in the UK (and frankly, they often do LOL) and they're largely ignored by passers-by.
That having been said, British women are far more judgemental and critical of those of us who don't pass well than men are, at least in general public toilets. I used to get lots of nasty looks all the time in the women's toilets until I switched to the men's last year. Since then, I've had maybe one or two confused-looking guys, but on the whole I've had a lot less hassle than I ever had in the women's.
Speaking as an FTMSO, we have had so many hilarious bathroom trips in the last 2 years of our relationship. My partner is pre everything but is lucky enough that she passes without a deal of effort.
Almost every bathroom trip we make together (to female bathrooms) are met by glares and double glances at the sign on the door. If people are particularly rude we generally start making them feel uncomfortable by either kissing or having loud arrogant conversations including things like 'OMG are you in a girls bathroom? How dare you be anything out of the norm.'
It's generally me that gets most upset about it. My partner just laughs it off and couldn't care less half the time.
It annoying for me, but i wasnt out or knew what trans was but i always seem to pass as a boy grown up anyway and i wasnt even trying. I always get screamed at, get weird looks and cleaners will say this is the ladys room you know. But always felt really uneasy. But now i use the gent all the time and how i wish i came out a lot sooner.
Can anyone who uses the gents comment on this thought??? I have been thinking, it's ok that we can use a cubicle, BUT isn't it uncomfortable if you think someone might see that you're feet are facing the wrong way for taking a P?
Just worried in case I'd find the gents just as uncomfortable but for different reasons than I do the ladies.
Anyone got any advice or thoughts??????
ta!! :D
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 27, 2013, 05:03:26 PM
Can anyone who uses the gents comment on this thought??? I have been thinking, it's ok that we can use a cubicle, BUT isn't it uncomfortable if you think someone might see that you're feet are facing the wrong way for taking a P?
Just worried in case I'd find the gents just as uncomfortable but for different reasons than I do the ladies.
Anyone got any advice or thoughts??????
ta!! :D
Ok, so you sat down because you needed to pee and your feet point forwards. That's just the way it goes with your physiology. So think about this: do cisguys ever sit down to use the loo?
You
know they do.
And which way do their feet point when they're sat on the throne?
Exactly. :)
But it's only natural to feel a bit nervous if you're worried about being challenged, so there are two things I do to make myself feel more comfortable:
- I might take longer than I need, and pull more toilet paper off the roll than I actually require, to make it seem like I've had a no. 2
- If I don't have the time or patience for that, I just lift the toilet seat up whilst I flush, so it looks to the next guy waiting that I stood to pee. This is a major confidence boost.
Oh, and as we've established elsewhere, plenty of cisguys pee in cubicles for various reasons... and plenty of them sit to pee.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 27, 2013, 05:15:05 PM
Ok, so you sat down because you needed to pee and your feet point forwards. That's just the way it goes with your physiology. So think about this: do cisguys ever sit down to use the loo?
You know they do.
And which way do their feet point when they're sat on the throne?
Exactly. :)
But it's only natural to feel a bit nervous if you're worried about being challenged, so there are two things I do to make myself feel more comfortable:
- I might take longer than I need, and pull more toilet paper off the roll than I actually require, to make it seem like I've had a no. 2
- If I don't have the time or patience for that, I just lift the toilet seat up whilst I flush, so it looks to the next guy waiting that I stood to pee. This is a major confidence boost.
Oh, and as we've established elsewhere, plenty of cisguys pee in cubicles for various reasons... and plenty of them sit to pee.
That's a very reassuring answer, thank you :D Great advice!!!!! :D :D
Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 27, 2013, 05:03:26 PM
Can anyone who uses the gents comment on this thought??? I have been thinking, it's ok that we can use a cubicle, BUT isn't it uncomfortable if you think someone might see that you're feet are facing the wrong way for taking a P?
Just worried in case I'd find the gents just as uncomfortable but for different reasons than I do the ladies.
Anyone got any advice or thoughts??????
ta!! :D
Have you ever noticed which way someone's feet were pointing in a cubicle? Because I haven't. Ever.
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 27, 2013, 05:35:00 PM
Have you ever noticed which way someone's feet were pointing in a cubicle? Because I haven't. Ever.
Yes very good point!!! No I haven't!
Quote from: AlexanderC on August 27, 2013, 05:35:00 PM
Have you ever noticed which way someone's feet were pointing in a cubicle? Because I haven't. Ever.
I do all the time. Maybe I'm weird. Also, is it just a British thing to call it a cubicle? Its funny because here a cubicle is only the work area in an office, gave me some weird images. We call the room inside a bathroom a stall.
Quote from: Mx. Lonely on August 27, 2013, 05:38:59 PM
I do all the time. Maybe I'm weird. Also, is it just a British thing to call it a cubicle? Its funny because here a cubicle is only the work area in an office, gave me some weird images. We call the room inside a bathroom a stall.
Yeah we call them cubicles, but I don't think it would be queried if it was called a stall.
This reminds me of the time I went to London and asked someone where the "washroom" was. They looked at me like I was insane. Wasn't sure what to say so I just changed it to "toilet" that seemed to get the idea across.
Quote from: Mx. Lonely on August 27, 2013, 05:44:52 PM
This reminds me of the time I went to London and asked someone where the "washroom" was. They looked at me like I was insane. Wasn't sure what to say so I just changed it to "toilet" that seemed to get the idea across.
Ah sorry on behalf of whoever you spoke to!!! Although we don't say washroom if someone asked me where it was I would know what they meant without any hesitation!!!
Quote from: Alice Danielle on August 27, 2013, 05:44:52 PM
This reminds me of the time I went to London and asked someone where the "washroom" was. They looked at me like I was insane. Wasn't sure what to say so I just changed it to "toilet" that seemed to get the idea across.
And cubicles versus stalls. Ah yes, I was in the UK a couple summers ago. We are a people divided by a common language they say. It's not related but I found out you can get ice water if you ask for water with ice and fun stuff like that. And don't ever call anything a "fanny pack". Just a friendly reminder. :)
I think it's silly when I think re: where my feet are pointing, but I do anyway, it is that thing where you think about anyway. Someone told me you can lesson the sound of things by throwing TP in the toilet and I was thinking why would I do that? So we all have these ideas that everyone is watching us. I pretty much know the only person most people give a danged about is themselves.
--Jay
I don't get it, what's the difference between ice water and water with ice?
^
Good point there Jay! Especially in the men's toilet. It seems like everyone is even MORE in their "Mindingmyownbusiness"-state there, lol.
When you're out of the norm there are people who kindly wonder or question, people who react aggressively because they don't know what to, but most of all the people just go into 'ignore' mode.
This is offtopic too, but it reminds me of an experiment of a guy who grew a Hitler stache and went to the underground, city center, mall, etc. with it, just to see how people react. And to his surprise most people didn't even say anything, they put on their "Not on my lawn" field generators and ignored him. Went quietly out of his way on the pavement and even moved to another place when he came into the train. They made clear they were spooked by him, but no one said a word. (he said he actually liked to be able to BREATHE in the underground, LOL! :P)
My main fear is just that when I go to a men's loo in a place I visit more often I'll run into someone who knows me :s that would be awkward...
I avoid public bathrooms in general, but over the years I've had several confrontations in women's bathrooms and exactly 0 in any men's room. It's just the mentality of women being more social in bathrooms where guys just want to use it and get out (I don't get why girls like to socialize in a place where everyone is taking a piss right behind them ???)
It was pretty awkward when I didn't even realize I was trans yet and I passed enough that I had people freaking out at me for being in the wrong place :-\ I had a little kid try to physically push me out of a bathroom when I was 14. I was at a restaurant with my family too, so it was fun how one of my cousins saw it happen and everyone joked about it for years. Ha ::)
Quote from: Erik EzrinMy main fear is just that when I go to a men's loo in a place I visit more often I'll run into someone who knows me :s that would be awkward...
I've never thought about that. That's a pretty terrifying thought, I'm living in my hometown too so it's entirely possible I'd run into someone I grew up with who has no clue :embarrassed: Welp that's a new thing to be paranoid about in men's washrooms :o
Quote from: Alice Danielle on August 28, 2013, 12:29:30 PM
I don't get it, what's the difference between ice water and water with ice?
It's the same stuff. Just sounds odd to their ears (and a bit so to mine). I think about 95% of the stuff with guys using the men's room here is a head game. Deal with it and you can use it. I'm not saying "all in your head"---well I am, just not so condescendingly. It's in the head but who says in the head makes stuff easy.
--Jay
here's another little dramatic incident. our family was travelling and i had a serious need to do no. 2. there was a bus station up ahead and i had to use the public toilets there though i didnt like the idea. i was in such an emergency that i literally ran all the way through the station to the toilets and dashed into women's, while mom was slowly following me for safety (i hate it when people do that). just as i shut myself in a cubicle or stall or whatever i heard footsteps outside and a man shouting 'hey! that's the womens!' then i heard my mom talking to him and she found that he was stationed there to collect the fare for using the toilet. the man sounde so worried and kept telling mom that a boy went into the womens and that he wouldnt come out, and mom was trying so hard to convince him that it was her 'daughter' who went in, not a boy. it took quite long to convince him becos he was weak in our language, but mom had cleared the grounds before i came out. if she hadn't followed i'd have been dead meat
Quote from: ybtheoutlaw on August 28, 2013, 03:12:49 PM
here's another little dramatic incident. our family was travelling and i had a serious need to do no. 2. there was a bus station up ahead and i had to use the public toilets there though i didnt like the idea. i was in such an emergency that i literally ran all the way through the station to the toilets and dashed into women's, while mom was slowly following me for safety (i hate it when people do that). just as i shut myself in a cubicle or stall or whatever i heard footsteps outside and a man shouting 'hey! that's the womens!' then i heard my mom talking to him and she found that he was stationed there to collect the fare for using the toilet. the man sounde so worried and kept telling mom that a boy went into the womens and that he wouldnt come out, and mom was trying so hard to convince him that it was her 'daughter' who went in, not a boy. it took quite long to convince him becos he was weak in our language, but mom had cleared the grounds before i came out. if she hadn't followed i'd have been dead meat
Interesting story!!! :D
Now I'm laughing at what I'd imagine our American friends must be picturing when we speak of peeing in cubicles. ;D
Yes, anything to do with the word 'fanny' would get you an extremely shocked response in the UK. For anyone who doesn't yet know, 'fanny' is a very crude word for 'female genitalia'. It's not quite as offensive as the 'c' word, but it's pretty close. :o
'Ice water' doesn't come with actual ice: it's just what we call chilled, refrigerated water. Oh, and if anyone asked me for a 'washroom', I'd think they want to do some laundry.
So... back to the topic: here in the UK we do have many gender-neutral toilets countrywide. For example, Subway and Costa have a policy of providing single-stall, gender-neutral loos in pretty much all their branches, and gender-neutral loos are getting more popular in shopping centres too. I started out by using gender-neutral loos; then I would look for quieter men's loos; and now I just march into any men's loo without a second thought. Confidence is key: just march straight in like you have every right to be there. Because you do.
Quote from: FTMDiaries on August 28, 2013, 05:44:07 PM
Now I'm laughing at what I'd imagine our American friends must be picturing when we speak of peeing in cubicles. ;D
So... back to the topic: here in the UK we do have many gender-neutral toilets countrywide. For example, Subway and Costa have a policy of providing single-stall, gender-neutral loos in pretty much all their branches, and gender-neutral loos are getting more popular in shopping centres too. I started out by using gender-neutral loos; then I would look for quieter men's loos; and now I just march into any men's loo without a second thought. Confidence is key: just march straight in like you have every right to be there. Because you do.
A cubicle in the US is where you work inside dividers, those little "boxes" are cubicles. You wouldn't necessarily want to pee there. :) (or worry about where your toes pointed). Oddly a stall is also for horses.
--Jay
Quote from: Liam Erik on August 28, 2013, 11:02:34 PM
Thain't no bathroom can scare me now.
Wow, a contraction inside another contraction. I like it.
I usually go to disabled toilets, if there's no-one in there and no-one waiting. Otherwise, like a crazy person, I wait. I can't deal with going to the female toilets or the male toilets. I went into the male toilets once and I freaking panicked. Stayed in the cubicle for a good ten minutes until no-one was there and ran out. I don't pass well enough, especially with my voice, so justifying it with a "What?" is a little hard. Having said that, I know it's mostly in my head. Working on it. Sometimes I'll go in with a dudefriend or my boyfriend, but only if they need to go, too.
Side note; on the 'fanny' thing, at least with where I grew up in rural Australia, it was one of those slightly more innocent sounding words kids were told to use instead of vagina. We're pretty British in our word usage but it does tend to get filtered by our crudeness, especially in... the outback? I want to say outback, but really it's just kind of a little bit out back, but not far enough that you'd get lost for years and/or die.
I never thought "fanny" was that crude, maybe it's a generational thing, because no one of my generation bats an eyelid at the f-word, and even the c-word is used by some people, and that just gets, "That's a bit harsh!" if anyone comments on it. It works the other way though, when I was little and went to Canada, I needed the toilet after I got off the plane, and couldn't see any signs for them, except for loads of signs for a "restroom". I wouldn't believe my mother when she explained that they were the bathrooms and weren't rooms where people would lay down for a sleep after being on a long plane journey.
Quote from: Alice Danielle on August 28, 2013, 11:05:51 PM
Wow, a contraction inside another contraction. I like it.
A contraction within a contraction? I guess you could call it...
*sunglasses*
... contraception.
YEEEAAAAAHHHHH! ;D
Quote from: birdline on August 29, 2013, 12:12:46 AM
I usually go to disabled toilets, if there's no-one in there and no-one waiting. Otherwise, like a crazy person, I wait.
Here in the UK, many disabled toilets are locked and you need a special key to access them. You can only buy the key (called the Radar key) if you're actually disabled. So if you aren't disabled, you can't get access to many of the disabled toilets around the country. Which is good in a way, but it's very annoying when the disabled loo is the only gender-neutral option for miles. Of course, the actual problem here isn't that the disabled loo is locked - it's that no gender-neutral facilities have been provided for people who need them.
Quote from: birdline on August 29, 2013, 12:12:46 AM
I don't pass well enough, especially with my voice, so justifying it with a "What?" is a little hard.
If you're worried about your voice outing you, an alternative response if challenged is to simply flip them the bird as you walk out the door.
^
FTMDiaries, when I was in the UK I loved how mani unisex toilets there were. It was great! No debating in which toilet to go, just always right. Reduced a lot of stress for me.
The only time so far I've been into the men's is when I accidentally (I kid you not. It was really an accident!) walked into one in a restaurant in Rome. There were no urinals, nor guys, so I didn't even notice. Later I saw a lady come out of the other door, and I realized I was in the "wrong" toilet. She didn't say anything, and I just walked on with a stoic expression, so if she had doubts she might either not have expressed them or have them dismissed by my uber-confident man stare ::)
I gladly was dressed all-out male then, so chances are she might just have labelled me as a young or feminine faced guy. :)
QuoteOn the other hand, back before I was out I had some problems, especially using women's showers. I was camping one time and had a lady come in and yell, and tell me I was in the wrong place. When I was living in a female dorm I showered at three in the morning, if I showered at all, because I never failed to freak people out in there. At a different campground I had some kids harass me for nearly a whole day. They were next to us and spent quite a long time loudly debating me and calling me both gay and lesbian slurs after they saw me go into the ladies' side. I do believe they called me an 'it.' I was about twelve.
Oh man! That sucks! I had some of those things happen to me as a 10/11/12/13 yr old kid too (before I often wore an ugly pink sweater or a flowery pair of pants my mum bought me. At that age I started to reject her clothing choice and cut my hair which really made me look like a boy), later in high school they called me "it" several times, and some homophobic/lesbian slurs as well (when I'd hang out with one of my female friends they'd encourage us to 'kiss' and such :/), eventually I got so sick of it that I grew my hair out, etc. But now I don't care anymore. I know what I am, and no nasty comments can change that!
This has turned into a long interesting thread with many ideas and situations presented. I am a college student in the US, but have come to realize that in many English speaking countries how some words are use and their meaning varies with the country.
I have been using the unisex or men's rooms for about a year. In the men's confidence is a big part of feeling comfortable in there, guys say or look at each other very little; everyone does their business and leaves. This is great when your voice could cause questions. Like many have said I got looks and comments in the women's. I started college as a female student so many of the students I started with knew my history, so how could I use the men's in front of and with the guys who knew me. It is a large campus many building but only a the newer ones have handicapped/unisex restrooms, most of my classes are in one building and there is a nearby building where no one I know of has classes there. I go to this building and use the men's with no problem, first time was strange thou no one has ever said or looked at me strangely. I use a stall and sit and have seen guys in there sitting with their feet pointed out too. Last semester I had two days a week where I was on campus from 8:30 in the morning to 10 in the evening, long day. I still have my shark week so have to change tampons several times in the men's; I planned it so there should likely be no one else in there when I needed to change. I pushed the old one deep in the trash bin no problems so far.
Being out with a group of students has presented some interesting situations in the last year, also needing to go in places that have large restrooms and lots of guys in there at the same time.
I had an interesting one today.
Apart from my BF (who's known since I've known him, 9 years, and my parents) I only started the process of coming out to family and friends 3 weeks ago today. So still working my way through people!!!! My Aunt and uncle are over from America and Antigua at the moment. I haven't seen either of them for 9 years. Long story, but they are VERY closed minded. So although so far EVERYONE has been 100% supportive and I've not had a bad response from anyone, the whole family decided it might be best NOT to say anything to them just yet!!!!
So today the family are out for the day. I'm thinking, uh oh, I've just started using the gents (I'm pre T, but have passed for most of my life without even trying. So far been in twice, and the second time someone walked in while I was washing my hands. He didn't bat an eyelid so that's a million times better than being stared at in the ladies), so what do I do today????? Yikes.
Anyway, we arrived at the restaurant first (we were in 2 cars) and I followed my niece to the loo. It was a two hour drive, so we were both desperate. It was quiet near the loos, so I just decided at the last minute to use the gents rather than the ladies. My niece bless her said to me "Go for it". So I did!!!
While I was in there it suddenly occurred to me that my Uncle would most likely also need to go. I'm sat in a cubicle, thinking, Uh oh!!!!
So I dash out and try to leave as quickly as possible, but just as I get close to the door my Uncle walks in!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!! How embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never use the bathroom to pee, just to wash my hands. I always go into the mens bathroom. But on some occasions where a store seems sketchy, I go in the womens. Usually early in the morning when I go out, no one is in there so they can't see me. I'm just scared to go to a restroom in a club. I've been to the mens to go because of the drinking but I was with my sister. She was really drunk so she went in the mens too, luckily no one else was there. I'm just scared because I've heard stories of creepy guys in bathrooms that can kidnap someone and do things to them. I'm not sure which restroom to go to this weekend when I will be going to a gay club. I want to use the mens so I'll pass, but I don't want to be in the womens and have people know I'm trans or think I'm just a lesbian. I will be going with my sister and a few friends who are girls so I don't know.