To start this for my entire life I've been pretty content with things, yeah I've always had a strong distaste for who I am but I at the end of the day I was able to live with it. However ever since coming out I can't sleep at night, everything that goes in my life just weighs on my mind and I just have an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and a completely bleak outlook on the future.
I mean after coming out within 3 weeks I had manage to conquer the feelings because I was doing something for myself and had a plan and was excited and looking forward to the future but then I lost my job; and now I can't afford to see my gender therapist a week from now and I am just falling back into that spiral of hating everything about myself and I'm overwhelmed with these feelings for hopelessness and uncertainty and now I get to worry day by day about testosterone further ruining my body.
To top it all off I am always eccentric and happy; but not recently I'm just depressed and I hate it and hating it makes me feel even worse because there's nothing I can do help how I feel and it's just all so hard and I don't even know what to do. It just seems like the world exists to take a crap on me after kicking me to the ground and it's just all getting so old.
Ollo Allison. It saddens me to hear you're feeling blue as of late. To have lost your job its no wonder. I don't know what to say right now. Chin up =]
Big hug! Sorry you're having a rough spell, hon. You gotta keep going, even through the setbacks. And when the world kicks you, kick back! Hugs, Devlyn
I think I especially dislike it because the depression often sends me into uncontrollable fits of anger as well and I when I get mad you can tell was definitely a male... and I hate it even more. I just hate the job market so much right now, I need SOMETHING to work in my favor.
I mean it's just the uncertainty spiraling my dysphoria out of control and it's awful even if last night I felt pretty good enough things... When washed my face last night I saw an androgynous person and when I laid down I saw a girls body and at least things felt a little better.