I just want to say this.
Behind my happy face, today was crap.
As some of you know my wife is very disabled, she has to live in full time care.
I bring her home for a few hours when I can and make her a special meal and feed her.
She so looks forward to it, but it is physically and mentally hard.
Today she was particularly difficult.
I got so frustrated I had to go and sit by myself for a while. That hurt her feelings.
My life isn't all fun.
I sat on the site this afternoon because I needed comfort and I hid my feelings.
I now need to find a way to apologise to her.
I feel pretty sad behind my happy face
Cindy - a very flawed person
Big hug! You're not flawed, you just ran out of patience. All you need to do is apologize to her, and forgive yourself. Hugs, Devlyn
Cindy!
You are not flawed because you are human!
I can't know all that you go through, but I've had my crosses to bear too. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you. You have given up your life without a whimper so that you could be there for her.
You the best you can. I wish I could be there to hug you in person.
I love you Cindy. Please do not be so hard on yourself.
-Sandy
My sympathies Cindy, it can really be hard.
Some days when I see Jen and she is just horrible to me. I struggle as well and don't really want to interact with her when she is like that.
It makes me sad and upset as well.
We can't fix what happened to our partners and sometimes it even hard just being there for them no matter how much we both love them.
Lunch times are difficult to say the least.
Stay strong Cindy.
Hugs Jen
Cindy you are a loving and caring person.
Is the condition and ability perform the physical work that is causing the stress? You are reacting to the stress and it is normal. Is there a way a care person could join with the outings to alleviate the physical issues and allow for a much more enjoyable visit?
Hey Cindy,
I understand where you're coming from. My ex is also disabled and is in a hospital, been there for a wicked long time. Sometimes there's just so much a human can possibly do. We all get mentally and physically exhausted, and there's so much pressure for a non-disabled spouse to be happy, supportive, etc. People who aren't even relatives or friends with a disabled or sick person have no second thoughts on calling us selfish and ungrateful if we express any feelings that might indicate that we have needs and desires apart from taking care of someone. Before I stopped seeing my husband, I was balancing going to work, helping out my dad, going to school full time, along with making nice dinners to take to the hospital to give to my husband. I literally felt like I was going to have a heart attack from all the stress of daily life and bringing stuff over to him, my heart would be beating really fast on the drive over because I knew he wouldn't like the meal I cooked and would criticize me for bringing him a crappy meal, and all I wanted was one day out of my hectic life to just hang out at home and vegetate in front of the tv. Of course, there's always guilt to feelings like that, I have so much freedom while he has none, but it's ultimately unhealthy to deny your true feelings and deny yourself small treats and days of relaxation.
You've been supporting your wife for so long, and you love her so much. I am sure she'll understand if you explain how you feel. You're both human, with good and bad days. We all deserve forgiveness for our bad days :)
Thank you.
To be honest it is the silly crap.
I change her pads, I have no problems with that, I have bought a lifter at home so I can care for her.
I just can't take vomit.
So silly.
She vomited over me while I was feeding her and I lost it and left so that I didn't say anything.
I then threw up (my reaction to vomit) and had to shower and then felt so bad.
Then of course I had two rooms of puke to deal with and responded negatively.
I didn't say anything and I think that is what hurt her.
I feel so childish.
Then I shall hold you, and comfort you, my child. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Cindy on September 01, 2013, 07:42:17 AM
Cindy - a very flawed person
Yes, you are flawed.
From what I can see, your most serious flaw is perfectionism - if you don't act like a deified angel every hour of the day, you get down on yourself.
You are human.
Humans aren't perfect.
Be glad of that. No one would want to be around perfect people.
Can you give yourself permission to get it wrong sometimes without flagellating yourself with a wave of self-recriminations?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on September 01, 2013, 08:49:56 AM
Then I shall hold you, and comfort you, my child. Hugs, Devlyn
OK, some times members want to know why you stay being a Mod. We work hard, get abused, laugh and love the members and want to look after them.
But being a member of Susan's means you are family. Being a Mod means you know your sisters and brothers.
I'm feeling fragile and loved.
Thank You
Cindy - who is truly blessed
Hug her apologize and tell her the truth, you were more susceptible to being grossed out by vomit that day then normal. Tell her that you weren't mad at her, that you just weren't feeling well and didn't want to say something you regret.
Every one has bad days :)
Big hugs, sis.. We all have days when we are just human - even those that strive for perfection, like you..
I wondered why you were here at such an odd hour. Have a furry hug and don't mind the tail.
If people were ideal they would apologize when wrong and always strive do what is right. You are perfect. A perfect human being with all the faults and praises that go with it, the flaws and facets your wife fell in love with.
Do what you need to do, apologize to her and forgive yourself.
Love you dear lady
Quote from: suzifrommd on September 01, 2013, 08:54:56 AM
Yes, you are flawed.
From what I can see, your most serious flaw is perfectionism - if you don't act like a deified angel every hour of the day, you get down on yourself.
You are human.
Humans aren't perfect.
Be glad of that. No one would want to be around perfect people.
Can you give yourself permission to get it wrong sometimes without flagellating yourself with a wave of self-recriminations?
Mmmm
I am a perfectionist. I totally believe in people fulfilling their promise. There is no room in my life for failure.
I post my successes in the hope they help people to move forward and not give in I post my flaws and failures to show that ->-bleeped-<- happens.
I haven't self flagellated for years, I let others wield their whips as they feel fit.
And I don't flinch when hit.
Cindy
Been there done that (had rough days when I performed poorly).
You are allowed to have bad days Cindy, we can't be the hero 24/7
it's not your fault that vomit makes you vomit. different people react differently to different things.
i know an ex couple where the wife couldn't stand vomit, while the husband couldn't stand what came out of the children's other end. it worked really well for them because they could share the work. you don't have anyone to share the work with, so you're in a much more difficult situation.
but it's normal to be human. make some small exceptions to your perfectionism and things might get a little easier to handle.
have a hug, and my assurance that i love you even though you fail some times.
Cindy - you have my utmost respect for always putting your wife's needs ahead of yours and being there for her at a level that few of us can understand. You are going through grinding, unending pressure and even with the vomit deal you had enough grace to not say anything that might hurt your wife's feelings.
You are human and it's OK to fail every once in a while. It really is. Especially with the pressure that you live with every day.
I like the earlier suggestion to explain to your wife that you were just having an off day but I'm sure that you'll do what you feel is necessary in that regard.
Please remember to take care of yourself sister.
~Eva
Cindy my dearest sister.
You are flawed like all humans are, but you are also a blessing. Not only for you wife, but for anyone who has the privilege to know you.
But I understand about certain bodily fluids. I, too, can not take certain ones. Especially from humans. Animals I can take.
HUGS to you and your wife.
Cindy:
If you want a medical explanation, here it is.
Emesis (the act of vomiting) is thought to be a survival trait. If the body ingests bad food it gets rid of it. Yes I know there are many reasons for vomiting, but that is one reason. I'm not at all suggesting that you fed her bad food.
Group emesis, is also thought to be a survival trait. People often react to someone vomiting by going into spontaneous vomiting. The reasons being that if one person in a tribe ate bad food then they all did and all should vomit.
That seems to be the only reason for why people often get nauseous when they see people get sick.
So it means, again, you silly git, that you are HUMAN!!!
Please stop trying to be Wonder Woman. (I've got that one nailed down for me, I'll show you pictures sometime.)
Please know that you are loved, warts and all! You are our sister!
-Sandy
It is a new day, I'm good again, Mr Whiskey stayed away, I'm proud of that!
Thank you
I needed my family last night.
Now to go kick ass and take a very gorgeous lady a large bunch of flowers.
You are special people
Cindy
That's what we want to hear. Hugs, Devlyn