At the moment I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I just want to cry and I know they're tears of happiness but at the same time I feel so numb and an emotional wreck. I don't know how it's possible to feel so numb and empty but so emotional at the same time. The best way I can describe how I feel is like a shaken up bottle of fizzy drink. I'm all mixed up inside, but once I open up, everything is just going to pour out and it won't stop. I say this, but at the same time, the lid won't budge off of the bottle. I've already been crying my eyes out tonight and I don't quite know why.
I am in the process of legally changing my name (I'm waiting for the documents to come through) and I couldn't help but grin the biggest grin ever when I was looking at the draft. It's such a huge step for me and to be legally the person I am inside feels amazing. I know my sex isn't legally changed, but to walk in the bank and have the cashier call me Mr ******** instead of Miss is going to feel amazing. When peolpe ask my name I will be able to proudly tell them. I feel great about it.
At the same time as this, I am coming out to everyone and will be officially full time the beginning of next week. I came out to my grandparents today and I thought they would take it badly. They didn't at all. They have took it in the best way I can imagine. They phoned me and told me they were happy as long as I'm happy and that they love me and to forget about what anybody else says if they say anything bad. Hearing that made me burst into tears and I couldn't stop crying after I got off the phone to them. (I said earlier about the lid of the bottle won't come off, it's now off and I'm sat in floods of tears again). I love them so much and I feel so lucky to have them.
My mum then phoned her friend who is like family and told her. She was also fine with it and said I'm very brave for coming out so young and it's good because I've got my whole life ahead of me. She's happy for me and said she loves me and she's only a phone call away. My mum went into another room so I don't know what she said after that but I could hear her crying.
I feel so lucky and happy that the important people in my life accept me, but I can't stop crying. My grandparents have shocked me and I wish I never doubted them. For months and months I've dreaded this day but it's gone better than I could of imagined. I still have a lot of people to come out to over the weekend, and I know some people aren't going to be as good about it but I'm coming out regardless. If people don't want to know me then they don't have to. I'm happy to hold the door open for them.
I think I'm scared about going full time next week, but it's the right thing to do for me and I want to get it out in the open and not live a lie anymore. I just feel very overwhelmed and I don't quite know why I'm crying still. I should be happy, and I am, I can't wait until next week. I think a lot has happened in one day and it's a lot to take in. I needed to let this out and I'm sorry for the long post.
You are going to be okay Joey.
What you are doing right now is very, very stressful, and crying is just one way to relieve the stress. Chin up, dude.
Overwhelmed isn't always bad, is it? Things are starting to happen for you, and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy! Hugs, Devlyn
Joey,
Congratulations!!!
You are really a very remarkable young man. Yes it has been is and will continue to be a struggle but you have faced your life with a bravery and determination that I for one can only stand in awe of.
You feel overwhelmed!
I'm not surprised!
Congratulations again and hang on in and wear that big smile with the pride you deserve.
Cindy
I am so happy for you. Your Grandparents are really cool.
When I went to High School I started in the lowest track. We used dude for everything. The way we said it conveyed our communication.
Way to go DUDE
Thank you all. Your comments mean so much to me. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for Susan's place. You are all amazing and have all been significant to my journey. Thank you thank you thank you.
Good job man!!!!!!!
It's okay to breathe, I understand re: overwhelmed but when the name change is done you are going to be so proud of yourself, but take a minute to be proud now.
--Jay
Great Joey, you've shown a lot of courage. :)