Hey friends, just wondering if (for anyone whos been on 'T' for some time) your mental state changes a huge chunk or if its totally different for everyone. I just dont want to loose my sense of identity inside, not externally. Especially because I am already on meds for other reasons. So any comments or advice or experience would be appritiated. make a great day and much love. BB. :icon_joy:
I seem to get more impatient and prone to start an argument right after the shot - I do have other stuff going on with me though, so it could be that instead.
Definitely more energy, and I feel compelled to work out.
edit: I should add that I just started T last month, so keep that in mind when reading my comments
I haven't lost my identity at all because of T. If anything I've become more of myself as time goes along because I don't feel the need to "prove" myself to anyone. T has calmed me down a lot too. I'm more rational instead of emotional, confident in society, and outgoing. I haven't had an anxiety attack in a long time either. The only mental downside is I can't cry. Seriously, it's not that I don't feel sad when things happen, the tears just aren't there anymore.
T is not going to suddenly transform you into another person on the simple basis of the fact that the hormone is in your body. Any changes that happen mentally or personality wise are often anecdotal and more related to an improved sense of self-confidence and self-esteem that comes with finally being able to pass. T itself is sometimes credited with causing "anger" and "mood swings", but I've never experienced any of this. A large number of guys who do become "more aggressive" on T are often already aggressive pre-T or have other issues mentally or emotionally that are challenging them. It's more likely that inconsistent, very low or very high levels of T, not the simple state of having the hormone in your system, is what contributes to such reports.
Granted, I can say that I have a very difficult time crying or getting as upset and emotional as I did - and I cannot explain this change. I often see that T can "cause" this to happen, but I'm not wholly sure why that is. I still feel the same amount of love and appreciation for people as well as empathy, but expressing my emotions through tears, etc. seems very difficult.
I know a guy with sort of serious mental health and addiction problems. He is doing very well on T, but it doesn't, of course, magically rid you of all your issues.
--Jay
This is a great question! And something I definitely worried about before starting hormones. I had heard so many first and second-hand accounts of people on T changing drastically, becoming really emotionally unstable, angry, violent, etc.
I have a couple theories about why these stories circulate, but take 'em with a grain of salt haha. Some of it is just transphobic (not to mention biologically essentialist) myths that are circulated around that testosterone turns everyone into big angry monsters. Some of that probably comes from what I usually call "butch puberty" (aka the phase some ppl go through when they're first figuring out how to "be masculine" or "be male" and they think that being angry, aggressive, or jerky is the best way to do that. A phase which sometimes coincides with starting T). And some of it honestly probably has a lot to do with timing and dosing.
(Going to try not to get too specific here, so as not to breach the TOS) It's pretty common for doctors to prescribe very high doses of hormones from the get-go and to encourage bi-monthly injections. That means you're putting a LOT of hormones in your bod at once, and you have a whole 2 WEEKS for them to sort of "cycle out". Since my mental health was terrible just before starting hormones, and I had PMDD (a very hormone-sensitive subset of my mental health issues), and I was terrified of the idea that T could change my personality, I decided to start on a very low dose (about 1/4-1/8 of a typical starting dose) and slowly work myself up over the course of a few months. I also decided to do an injection weekly instead of bi-monthly, so that my "cycle" would be shorter and more controlled. I had noticed a lot of people on T talking about the emotional changes they felt immediately after their shot, or for the few days before their shot. These descriptions often sounded like issues related to having too much or too little, or just not the right balance of hormones in their body. So it made sense to me to decrease the possibilities of those changes by injecting weekly.
I'll probably make a separate post about that and about how it impacted my singing voice, etc. but feel free to ask me any questions if you want me to elaborate on the topic here.
Long story short, this method worked wonderfully for me. It really helped with my mental health (which got exponentially better very soon after starting hormones). I'll always be someone who struggles with mental illness, but it helped with the ways that dysphoria was triggering my anxiety, and it essentially cured me of the PMDD which had been making me suicidal before my period pretty much every month for a decade. That method also let me sort of ease into the changes.
I personally never experienced any dramatic emotional changes except for the steadily increasing stability of my mental health. I'm still the same person and most of the changes in my personality in the last year and a half come from my experiences of being read as visibly trans and with the rock bottom I hit before starting t. I am definitely still able to cry, and have had some real devastating cries throughout this last year. But I do cry less often. Strangely, often when something would have made me cry in the past (like a sad video) now it gives me chills through my whole body. So I'm still having a visceral physical response... just a different one!
Anyway, that was long-winded but I have lots of thoughts on the topic so feel free to pick my brain. Best of luck to you!
It's quite interesting that almost all, if not all, transguys say that T has made it harder for them to cry. I wonder why that is!
Right now sad movies, etc. never make me cry, and when I have (not too bad) pain, I hardly cry either. That doesn't mean I don't cry though, it usually happens to me when I'm under great stress and don't know what to do, etc. When I feel helpless.
But then again, I'm not on T (I wish I was, lol).
Femboy, I'm quite interested in your experiences in how it impacted your singing voice and such. As I like to sing and am now also thinking about joining the local student choir (I don't really like choir music that much, but the atmosphere is good, and I love singing together with others), and I would be pretty sad if I could never sing again. But I guess that after the "cracking" phase your voice would just settle in a lower register, right??
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on September 07, 2013, 02:27:03 AM
It's quite interesting that almost all, if not all, transguys say that T has made it harder for them to cry. I wonder why that is!
Right now sad movies, etc. never make me cry, and when I have (not too bad) pain, I hardly cry either. That doesn't mean I don't cry though, it usually happens to me when I'm under great stress and don't know what to do, etc. When I feel helpless.
But then again, I'm not on T (I wish I was, lol).
Femboy, I'm quite interested in your experiences in how it impacted your singing voice and such. As I like to sing and am now also thinking about joining the local student choir (I don't really like choir music that much, but the atmosphere is good, and I love singing together with others), and I would be pretty sad if I could never sing again. But I guess that after the "cracking" phase your voice would just settle in a lower register, right??
Without really researching it, the first thing that pops into my mind is that prolactin controlls or at least conributes to tears/crying. I have always assumed that testosterone probably affects prolactin levels. I bet a google search (which I am really not in the mood to do) would provide some interesting results or theories.
It sounds logical at least, but I bet you're right that a google search will come up with even more interesting things.
I'm not quite in the mood to do one right now too though... *lazy*
i think the myth about t making guys aggressive and mentally unstable stems mainly from observations of body builders who were on steroids ( very bad in high doses) and of trans guys who self medicate (also not good). wrong hormone levels can be detrimental to mental health as well as physical health, be they too high or too low. even cis women usually need a certain amount of testosterone to feel like they function properly in some aspects.
there are also the problems one could run into by just suddenly raising the level of a certain hormone to levels that it will take time for the body to adjust to, slowly adjusting the body to the hormones sounds much smarter.
My completely not backed by fact theory is that starting T sorta induces a menopause like state, right? And impatience and irritability sorta go hand in hand with that, so it could partially be related to the initial shift that happens.
that + male puberty = how some people feel at first
You guys are forgetting to tell him he has a chance to have an insane sex drive ;) at first at least :P
Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on September 07, 2013, 01:17:05 PM
You guys are forgetting to tell him he has a chance to have an insane sex drive ;) at first at least :P
^^ Never happened for me. Same low-drive person I've always been, sigh.
Most notable mental change for me: where I used to be moody/withdrawn, I'm now mellow/calm.
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on September 07, 2013, 02:27:03 AM
Femboy, I'm quite interested in your experiences in how it impacted your singing voice and such. As I like to sing and am now also thinking about joining the local student choir (I don't really like choir music that much, but the atmosphere is good, and I love singing together with others), and I would be pretty sad if I could never sing again. But I guess that after the "cracking" phase your voice would just settle in a lower register, right??
I decided to make a whole separate post to respond to this. Here's the link!
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,148378.msg1224177.html#msg1224177
Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on September 07, 2013, 01:17:05 PM
You guys are forgetting to tell him he has a chance to have an insane sex drive ;) at first at least :P
haha! Didn't happen for me either (thank god!). If anything, my sex drive tends to go up just before my shot when my levels are lowest.
haha I remember when I first joined the site so many guys said it happened maybe they were lying but lol maybe they weren't.
I was in an interesting discussion among treatment specialists recently when the question of whether T increased depression in newly treated trans*men.
The argument form professionals in the the area was a resounding No.
Yes guys with issues need the issues managed, but going on T did not exacerbate them.