Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Despite how I feel, there really isn't such a thing as an anxiety landmine in the forest.
There is however, Tiger pits, just full of the stuff.

Just how do you deal with anxieties?
People deal with it from drug/alcohol abuse, prescribed meds, therapy, wait it out,
to dreaming about the best top ten whatever places for whatever in HuffPo Lifestyles.
How do you deal with it?
My anxieties are curious...

i just tough it out. don't know what else to do. alcohol doesn't work, not that i tried using it to escape anxiety, but if i drink more than a little on not too good days, the next day can get somewhat bad. meds might work, but i'd rather live without them.

right now, i'm doing fairly well. thanks to shantel. it's interesting how just a few of the right words from a good person can help so much. therapy might help, but i'm not too sure. it's more like i have to create my own space and stick to it also when interacting with other people. instead of just hiding in an imaginary way too small box. and stop trying to be perfect. i'm not, so why not show it more often...

i'm not sure how it affects me as a binary person. maybe i'm afraid to talk to the people around me who i suspect don't want to know. maybe me being binary affects my anxiety. do i really have healthy hormone levels for a person like me? i might have good levels for a woman, though severe pms makes me suspect this is not really the case. and what are the right levels for a not really female? does anybody even know...

there's a lot i want to find out. i'm trying to free myself from the pressure that i put on me. that's the worst pressure, other people actually seem to get it and some even forgive me for not living up to expectations. it's about time i start forgiving myself for giving in to anxiety.

Makes me do all of the above, really. I don't have a ton of anxiety about gender stuff; I get frustrated, confused, but most times I'm kind of ambivalent. My anxiety has more to do with the inevitability of coming out than anything else, and even then that's not even the worst it gets.

My anxiety isn't really connected to gendery things. It just is. My sis has the same thing. Ranges from mild discomfort to insomnia/migraine/panic inducing levels of stress. Will invariably latch on to the biggest issues currently in my life and try to make me miserable as best it can.

I have a lot of tools and tricks to calm myself down. Tea is great, because I associate it with comfort. TV helps because it turns my mind off. Getting out of the house, to change the environment and disassociate. Talking it through with friends or family, so they can check my irrational fears. Just being around my girlfriend makes me a lot calmer, because I know I have someone watching my back.

And I'm medicated, which helps to a degree. I know a lot of people hate the idea of meds because it makes them feel like they aren't in control, like they are dependent, like they aren't really themselves anymore. But my basic mode of being is "not in control." So for me, medication is a way of exerting my will over my mind/body/life. And I have a pretty fundamental distrust of my baseline personality, because that bitch tried to kill me a few times. I prefer to remain in my altered state.

Therapy. . . I've been enough. All they can give you is tools. I've got enough tools, to be honest.

Overall it doesn't affect my life that much anymore. It's mostly just a bit of procrastination and some unhappy days each month, which is livable.

It's unresolved and it is slowly killing me.

Quote from: Jamie D on September 07, 2013, 11:43:58 PM
It's unresolved and it is slowly killing me.

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. Many hugs. And I know it's hard, but try to keep believing in what can be, that it can get better. You have to have some hope to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

all my anxieties are social anxieties, I don't really get it about my gender any more. And it's been getting better though I usually just let it play out.

Quote from: Jamie D on September 07, 2013, 11:43:58 PM
It's unresolved and it is slowly killing me.

that sounds really unhealthy.

i refuse to let it kill me. i even managed to get to a point where i can force myself to eat and think that the food tastes good. wasn't possible when i was younger, i'd just start withering away when things got bad.

Opening myself up to others about gender used to bring about fits.
I used to use it to hide what is really going on.
Without realizing why it did in the first place.

When people crowd me is stores, the results can be mixed.
From telling myself it doesn't matter to telling them to back off.
But that's really just one of my triggers.
I pretty much know why now, I just need to work on it.
Which I do. It's slowly getting better.
The deeper I dig into it, the more I find.
I also find more good now, than the bad I hate to admit to.

It's difficult to even talk about it with those I have told about the things that happened and why.
It's mostly the why. I can't help but still make excuses for others behavior.
Mostly because it led to me making some really bad decisions.
It's a balance of making excuses, and learning to slowly stop doing that.
Learning to let go of them means having to relive them one way or another.
Someday, the unspeakable will be talked about. Maybe. I can't see how just yet.
The imagery is the worst trigger of them all. It's the one that all the others circle around.

I've managed to set up my life to be as stress free as possible.
It isn't always possible.
The other day I let a small thing run into anxiety that literally left me standing in one spot.
It took mind numbing amounts of meds to get it under control.
I carry fairly large amounts with me at all times. That was one of those times of why.
For those times when I think I'm going to die from the sheer pain of memories best left alone for now.

There was a short period of time that my past was catching up to me.
For over a decade, I was slowly letting it kill me.
Until I reached a point that I literally had nothing left to lose.
It took about six months of letting that person in me who has always kept me alive, run the show.
That was almost five years ago. I made an agreement.
I never tried to hide her again. I accept our fate and step forward into it.
To deny a part of myself that is really the part that is the survivor, was a mistake.
She's a hard drinking, knuckle busting fighter, doesn't flinch, steps into the fight.
Always there, protecting me, all the while pushing me to an edge that feels like it will kill me.
It was a tough fight, but in the end, she got her own way again.
She hates to think about how I've learned to love her as myself, she would rather I just said accepted her.
Love is too vulnerable for her. But she realizes that to stay, it's a part of the deal.
I struggle to find more common ground. She brings up the past as a part of that.
It causes all sorts of anxiety problems at times. Until I see her in the thick of it.
It's about looking over that edge and realizing that there is nothing to fear.
It's about 'accepting' yourself.
Ativan

It may just be the way I'm feeling this week, but I can't seem to breathe without questioning myself.

So I said, "uncontrollably ask questions regardless."

I guess that's kinda unfair. It's not uncontrollable. I've just been feeling really bad this week.

It's managable.

Found out last night that the most special person in my life, after my two children, died on Sept 8th.
I carry her in my heart. She lives on in my memories.
But I will never see her again. Today they will bury her.
She was only 34 yrs old.
She was engaged to be married.
I grieve not only for myself, but for all the others whose hearts she also touched.
:icon_sadblinky:

Oh I am so sorry for your loss Ativan. My fondest sympathy.

Big hugs, Ativan. Take care of yourself for as long as you need to. <3

I'm so sorry Ativan. My deepest sympathies.

Hugs for my friend Ativan!

Concerning anxiety about anything gender or socially related I have none. After being shot twice and my endocrine system chemically compromised in a war I don't have room for any anxieties which would be silly and frivolous in comparison.

Quote from: broken. on September 12, 2013, 04:57:43 AM
I have a lot of anxiety and I have a lot of gender angst and I'm still not sure where all exactly they cross, but I find that the only thing that has improved my anxiety is to just keep challenging it and to try get away from irrational safety behaviors. I've come so far fighting my anxiety and I don't want to stop and I'm too afraid to try medications so it's all I can do.

Good for you, my take on anti-anxiety drugs is that they are simply a bandaid on a symptom and over time they actually make matters of a mental nature worse in other people I have observed using ant-anxiety drugs. I think they re-wire the brain but the finale outcome isn't always good and they become a necessity. I was offered anti-anxiety drugs because typically the VA loves to throw pills at the symptoms rather than finding and dealing with the cause. Having opted for counseling was much more helpful in the long run because I was able to learn to identify the the things that are triggers that set off anxiety attacks and was given some simple tools to spot those things before they happened and sidestep them rather than walk into something that turns into a cluster-fk!

Ativan you continue to write so well about "her" and I share your feelings of she being the strong survivor while he just carried me along.  My sympathies for the loss of your most special person.  No way around that hurt and grief.

Jamie dearest please hang on too.  We need you unkilled and kinky ;)

If I can catch myself in what I think of as "wind up" where my thoughts can start a crescendo or cascade effect I can sometime talk myself down, contact a friend or engage in rigorous physical activity.
Crank up the tunes, dance or run down the trail yelling if I need to....

Thanks all, it was a little too much there for a while.
Too many things going wrong at the same time, none of which was as catastrophic.

Meds for anxiety are pretty essential tools for stopping it long enough to sort anxiety out when you are having attacks that are debilitating.
They overlap with panic attacks and even those have some more necessary evil meds for them.
The problems with those kinds of meds is that they can cover up the symptoms so well that it's easier for some Drs. to just let you keep taking them.
Most if given the chance to get you off them, will. They aren't ever meant to be long term, unless somebody has come up with one.
I doubt that is even necessary, given what therapists and psychology have to offer in the last few years.
If you are not able to function usefully for your lifestyle, then they can and do work in the short term.
But like everything that is prescribed, they come with risks, and some of them are as bad as anxiety itself.
Nothing like taking to strong a dose to get you where you want to be, but also keeping you in a state of mind that when they wear off, you go right back to wanting or needing more of the same.
The smallest dose possible is the dose that will allow you to get back to your life, while not making you so numb that you really have gone the other way.
Trouble is that they are usually given out as a higher dose, to make sure you get enough.
This is so illogical in itself, that it's were those horror stories of addiction come true.
If you can tell that you have taken them, you have taken to much.
In other words, if you feel at all 'high' from them, feel just even a little to good, it's to high a dose.
'Benzo's' are the most common and the most addictive. Next is opiates, which should never be used for anxiety, but work well.
To easy to be using to much of those good things. They are formulated in doses for pain and not anxiety.
A little will go a long long way in slowing down anxiety.
I have yet to feel even a little bit anxious when I use them to help with pain.
And I use low doses, usually half what is prescribed.

If you don't need them to stop attacks, and just want them for general anxiety, you are making a mistake.
You are much better off with talk therapy. Get to the root of the problem, never mask it.
That's the real danger in being prescribed anxiety meds. (from someone who calls themself, Ativan Prescribed....).
I started using them for up to and including panic attacks that seemed to come out of nowhere.
As soon as I figured out the cause, I have pretty much used them only when I really need them.
Only on those few occasions that having a panic attack just won't do in front of the general public.
It's not a pretty sight. Especially from me, I've heard. Don't know so much about that, though.  :)
Ativan

And when you are not busy derailing a thread that cannot be derailed you still mange to crank out some bits of wisdom about anxiety and the current state of pharmacology that is and isn't always working for you?

I envision you "sorting it out" like piles of laundry and just hope you do not to let those colors fade. ;)

Thank you for being out there.

If only there was some sort of way to sort out my mind...
*My therapist would be happy and my Psychologist would write another paper.  ;)
I just walk up to the edge and step off and hope for the best.
Seems to work most of the time. Sort of. Kinda. Maybe.
Ativan

Is that part of your avatar then?  Stepping to the edge arms out?  I like to think you have some golden wings that can carry you aloft for endless soaring and carving the rising thermals.

Thanks for helping me lol

Most of my Anxity related to gender issues dissolved slowly as I started living as myself.  The Anxity seemed to disappear at about the same time as the fear of being attacked for being different.  I slowly faced my fear and my presentation slowly changed from daggy male to androgynous feminine clothes on clearly male body to man in dress to bearded lady. With many other terms used to describe my appearance over the last 5 or so years.  I've had a number of stumbling blocks thanks to a"gender specialist shrink" and some binary TransWomen.  But now living full time as a gender diverse person/ bearded lady/ M2WTF.  Currently trying to save for SRS.  Only Anxity related to Identity that I still face is that I will never find someone who will Love me as I am.

Anxiety is a horrible, horrible thing. I've had insane anxiety issues since I can remember and I'm still to scared to go see a therapist (mostly because I don't think it'd help).

I used to cope with razor blades. From 8th grade to junior year in college, I carved up my body good 'n' fine. Then I met my wife (who coped the same way) and we quit together. Though life has considerably improved, anxiety is still there. I try my best to cope in nonviolent ways, but sometimes, I have to lash out. So I go on anger marches with my dogter and get into minor sluggin' moshpits with trees in my way.

If I'm not full of violent-rage-anxiety, I usually deal with it by sleeping or listening to music. I have a trigger album (that's like a drug and saved my life multiple times over during high school) I listen to when there's absolutely no hope or joy or life left anywhere. As soon as I put it on, I cry like a baby as everything else melts away with the music; I end up with sleepy, tear-swollen eyes and a stuffed nose and can usually fall right asleep. Upon waking, I'm "sane" again. It's great. Sleep is so good for this and music is even better. Then again, music and sleep combined is what I'd recommend.

Alcohol, drugs, razor blades and all that other ->-bleeped-<- isn't technically coping. It functions in the same way as a trash can no one wants to empty; flatten the palm of your hand and push it deeper so you can pile more stuff on top. It's a short-term sedative and will ultimately lead to explosion. Oh, and it's incredibly addicting. I've read multiple sources claiming that cutting is more addicting than heroine. Best to not start either. ;) No long-term fixes there!

Quote from: Gewaltraud on September 30, 2013, 04:57:08 AMIf I'm not full of violent-rage-anxiety, I usually deal with it by sleeping or listening to music. I have a trigger album (that's like a drug and saved my life multiple times over during high school) I listen to when there's absolutely no hope or joy or life left anywhere. As soon as I put it on, I cry like a baby as everything else melts away with the music; I end up with sleepy, tear-swollen eyes and a stuffed nose and can usually fall right asleep. Upon waking, I'm "sane" again. It's great. Sleep is so good for this and music is even better. Then again, music and sleep combined is what I'd recommend.

I used to be like that... until music itself started giving me panic attacks. I don't listen to much music anymore. :I

Quote from: Gewaltraud on September 30, 2013, 04:57:08 AMAlcohol, drugs, razor blades and all that other ->-bleeped-<- isn't technically coping. It functions in the same way as a trash can no one wants to empty; flatten the palm of your hand and push it deeper so you can pile more stuff on top. It's a short-term sedative and will ultimately lead to explosion. Oh, and it's incredibly addicting. I've read multiple sources claiming that cutting is more addicting than heroine. Best to not start either. ;) No long-term fixes there!

There's coping, and then there's coping, IMO. There's really no such thing as perfectly healthy coping; the only way to be totally well is to overcome the anxiety. But for most of us chronic people, that's a crapshoot. Sometimes you just have to be OK with coping in a way that leaves the least amount of fallout. Alcohol works for me right now-- a drink a day helps, but I know the consequence is that getting drunk has become a dangerous pursuit and I have to settle for a buzz even if there's an open bar in front of me because I'm such a heavyweight now. The endorphin rush I used to get from self-harming has now been outsourced to my husband, which we now call "BDSM". The consequence of that is... nothing, actually, and getting it through an impartial third party is much safer for me. It's coping, but it's not coping, you know? It's a condition that I'm learning to manage on my own.

That said... I've finally gotten fed up with my depression enough to make me see my GP about it rather than go through a therapist. I've tried everything under the sun to help with that, and nothing's working well enough. I draw the line at worrying about my job security. Wish me luck in trying to get medicated. :V

ah, so you've drawn a line?
i should've done that. i'm worrying about way too much, money (which i don't have too little of), job security (which wouldn't be anything to worry about if only i could keep myself together. depression is my only enemy here), family (i manage to worry about all, including myself), etc.
in the end i decided that i'll drag myself through this current crisis. 3 weeks left to do the impossible, and after that, i'll get serious about killing my anxiety.

i've also had fits of anger. nothing that would make me self harm, i'm not really a masochist, or at least not in that way. if i ever cut, it will be in order to bleed to death. but there was a long period where i had to resort to the grotesque in order to calm down from a rather homicidal mood. guro hentai is nice... not that i'd actually like any of it to happen irl. it's best suited for fiction. i'd also listen to violent music, imagining the most horrible ways of killing some people who deserve much worse than death.

for some reason the violent feelings have been exchanged with anxiety. it might have happened before without me remembering it. i think i like the situation better now that i don't feel like i need to kill someone to get on with my life. something must have changed in a good way.

Yeah, I had to draw a line someplace. If I think about it too hard, it's actually kind of arbitrary, but pretending that my shot at a Martha Stewart-esque life could be in shambles is what really did it. If my caring about it is going to be superficial, then line is going to be superficial too. The reality is that my marriage would all but fall apart, I'd be facing bankruptcy, and I'd be one step short of homeless if I lost this job. But the white picket fence is easier to imagine as a goal than knowing that I'm sidestepping all of that. So I do what works. :T

I've had fits of anger so bad that I was one fiber of strength away from grabbing a fork and jamming it into someone's face. But for me, it's not that I need to take it out on someone, but rather that someone needs to hurt, catharsis needs to be had, and as a masochist I'm totally OK with it being me. (Not even going to get started on how much being a masochist has attracted all kinds of nasty abusive people to me in the past; needless to say, though, that now I know how I work, I'm tougher than ever.) Quite frankly, I don't really trust myself to be able to top someone else in a healthy way anyways. If I want someone to hurt, I don't want them to enjoy it whatsoever. There is one way that you can be mean and sadistic without hurting anyone, though... writing. ;) I got through some of my worst years by writing.

Anyways Taka, take care of yourself, and I do hope that these 3 weeks are over sooner rather than later.

i'd rather have the three weeks last forever, since that would give me more time to finish the work that needs finishing. but then they' wouldn't be hell, so... yea.

i've hurt people through online role play. but that was for fun, not for relieving stress. i'd be too mean for role play if i did it to relieve stress. the problem i have with this want to hurt someone, is that the first person i'd kill if my self control broke, would be my neighbor (he's done unspeakable things to people i love). one thing is when certain family members or others anger me enough that saucers start flying. but when i find myself going through all the horriblest ways i could possibly manage to kill the neighbor, it's a little... evil and calculating in a way that isn't too easy to explain as some anxiety problems.

Quote from: Lo on September 30, 2013, 05:46:48 PM
I've had fits of anger so bad that I was one fiber of strength away from grabbing a fork and jamming it into someone's face. But for me, it's not that I need to take it out on someone, but rather that someone needs to hurt, catharsis needs to be had, and as a masochist I'm totally OK with it being me. (Not even going to get started on how much being a masochist has attracted all kinds of nasty abusive people to me in the past; needless to say, though, that now I know how I work, I'm tougher than ever.) Quite frankly, I don't really trust myself to be able to top someone else in a healthy way anyways. If I want someone to hurt, I don't want them to enjoy it whatsoever. There is one way that you can be mean and sadistic without hurting anyone, though... writing. ;) I got through some of my worst years by writing.

Oh my, yes. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've always been more of a masochistic-type of person - anything bad that ever happens to others or to myself, I always blamed on, well, myself. And I'm guessing it's due to my insanely religious-abusive childhood that helped push me into the direction of "punishing" myself for my "sins" via cutting/choking/punching cement walls/etc. I've never really felt the urge to harm other people until about a year ago. Since I never had to control my rage or violence, as I'd just take it out on myself, I find it incredibly difficult to control myself in situations in which I'd like to beat the living hell out of another person.

[Disclaimer: very personal and potentially offensive content]
As far as sex goes, I have a small confession, though I must first clarify that my libido is either dead or I never had a proper one to begin with. In any case, sex is *not* at the top of my list of necessities in life. My wife and I once watched "Ted Bundy" and I found myself awkwardly turned on by a lot of his (sexual) actions: the beating, forcefulness and urgency of the sex (not the fact that it was rape, just the way he went about it) and the utter disregard and disrespect of the person after she was killed (and violated again). I was so disturbed and affected by finding this film "on-turning" that I'm almost convinced that if I were a male, I'd probably be the exact same way. I've also told my wife about a fantasy I have, but will never live out: beating her to a bloody pulp in bed. There's BDSM on the one hand, which is controlled and usually very safe and then there's uncontrolled and unleashed violence for the sake of violence which would probably result in major injuries and/or death. But in my tiny world of violent thoughts, sex is just one (even tinier) scenario. 

Sometimes I get so angry at the world or specific people in it that I have to control myself by strangulation until I'm too weak to do anyone any harm. That's the quickest fix. Searching for a razor blade in moments of blind rage just make the anger and frustration levels go up - there's no time for patience. I'm taking 40 mg of citalopram a day, which is supposed to help with anxiety, stress and depression and, according to my wife, it's helped a bit, but once in a while I still have to punch me a good ol' tree. I would consider therapy if I weren't so paranoid that I'd be instantly locked up, not taken seriously or am beyond help.

i just learned that it's called atelophobia.
much easier to give a googlable term than to try and explain what it is that i fear so much. fun to see there are so many different phobias, not so fun to know that one is applicable to me.

Quote from: Taka on October 02, 2013, 01:30:34 AM
i just learned that it's called atelophobia.
much easier to give a googlable term than to try and explain what it is that i fear so much. fun to see there are so many different phobias, not so fun to know that one is applicable to me.

Hah! I didn't know there was a specific phobia name for that either. I'm guessing there's probably a phobia for everything. Still cool to be able to google it now, though. :)

Meds for me, talking to trusted friends and music. It really helps to have a support system  :)

What's the difference between anxiety and having a bad day?

Quote from: Pica Pica on October 02, 2013, 03:40:55 PM
What's the difference between anxiety and having a bad day?

Pica Pica, have you been scuba diving in your bathtub? Keep an eye out for the rubber ducky... ;D

Quote from: Pica Pica on October 02, 2013, 03:40:55 PM
What's the difference between anxiety and having a bad day?

having a bad day is when everything just goes wrong and i get sad, upset, angry and can't wait to get it over with.
anxiety is a more like... even if the day is wonderful, a gnawing fear of "something" keeps ruining every single moment. i'm convinced that someone is out to get me and will do it any moment, or that whatever i try to do, it will go wrong, or..

bad days have bad things happening. anxiety makes me expect bad things to happen for no good reason at all.
bad days combined with anxiety are hell. calling them bad is too much of an understatement.

Quote from: Pica Pica on October 02, 2013, 03:40:55 PM
What's the difference between anxiety and having a bad day?

Anxiety is when your body's fight-flight-freeze response is triggered for no reason, and often. Physical symptoms include high blood pressure, heart palpitations, cold sweats, clammy skin, shortened breath, racing thoughts, malaise, fatigue, hypervigilance, nausea, diarrhea, diminished appetite, diminished sex drive, inability to concentrate, and many others. And that doesn't even include panic attacks, or side-effects of chronic and untreated anxiety, which can include heart problems, stomach ulcers, insomnia, a compromised immune system, migraines, teeth grinding, and hormonal imbalances, among others as well.

It's much, much more than just a bad day.

I've had days where I was trying to go about my business while being absolutely and totally convinced that I was doing to die. Yes, it's nigh impossible to function when you think you're going to get hit by a car 50 times a day, or that you're going to fall down the stairs, or get pushed in front of a train, or that needles are going to appear out of nowhere and stab you in the face.

My anxiety, as someone else said is caused socially.
It's more because well, I pass, sure, but if they're thinking they are misgendering me and that, I would never know and that may make them feel bad. I don't want other people feeling bad for making me feel great.

It also comes from if anything went wrong (aka binder ripping in half, packer falling out) and they noticed. Would they run? Laugh? I sure as hell don't want to find out. That's what I think about in my day to day basis. But to deal with it, usually I just assure myself it's gonna be fine. Cliché, right?
Clothes help me feel a little better -- just going out and buying new clothes and looking good. Maybe cutting my hair just that bit shorter. Doing whatever it takes for my stomach to stop twisting, you know?  :-\

In the end, what calms me down is going on my blog, speaking to friends on Skype, eating fruit and listening to music. All at the same time.

In that case, I have anxiety about once every five years and then for about two days, the last time was my most recent birthday. It wasn't much fun. I used to be a far more anxious person. A lot has happened since then and most of it bad - I found having the bad things I feared happen to me cured me of the anxiety of it.

Quote from: Pica Pica on October 03, 2013, 02:01:56 PM
In that case, I have anxiety about once every five years and then for about two days, the last time was my most recent birthday. It wasn't much fun. I used to be a far more anxious person. A lot has happened since then and most of it bad - I found having the bad things I feared happen to me cured me of the anxiety of it.

that actually sounds like one of the better cures for it, to have something bad happen without dying from it.