So my one year coming out anniversary is coming in ten days, so excited! I will be using the time to start my real life experience. Its going to feel good to say everything is official for this arbitrary test. I say it's arbitrary because I live as myself everyday and to me this changes nothing about who I am and my projected timeline for transition. I know I'm a woman and still everyday develop both mentally and physically to the person I am. To be honest the start of my RLE is so blurred and it's just a matter of declaration to a journey that I have been on for years. During this time I will legally change my name within the next couple months, change my gender on my license and finally have my gender reassignment surgery in 2015, yay for more steps forward!
I have been doing fantastic and just taking the day to make a declaration of myself really, almost like a second coming out. I'm just honestly happy to be here and on this journey of a lifetime. It means so much to me to have my friends and family with me in this incredible experience. I finally have my life in my own hands and I am in control of my own destiny and it feels great. If I can say anything to the community it is to be true to yourselves, to love and accept who you are and to not let anyone tell you otherwise :)
Hurray! *throws confettii*
Julie
I want to wish you all the best in the coming years. Going to be full of emotional firsts. Keep in your words "honestly happy". Life is all good if you keep this onto yourself everyday.
Hugs
Izzy
Congrats Julie! plan on doing anything crazy or exciting in celebration?
Good for you :D
Side question: what is RLE exactly? I've heard a lot about it but is it required by your therapist or what? And what does it entail exactly?
Congratulations Julie, I like the "honestly happy" too.
About RLE, I will give the UK definition and I would be interested if the USA definition is different.
According to the gender hospital I go to, there is a probationary period referred to as Real Life Experience or two years before they will consider me for surgery. That's not before I get surgery, it's before I see a psych who will put me on the waiting list to see a surgeon who will put me on a waiting list ...
The definition I have been given is it dates from when I have a legal name change and am "going to work as female". The second requirement is flexible enough to include students, but can be a problem for the unemployed or retired.
Quote from: MaryXYX on September 13, 2013, 05:01:29 AM
Congratulations Julie, I like the "honestly happy" too.
About RLE, I will give the UK definition and I would be interested if the USA definition is different.
According to the gender hospital I go to, there is a probationary period referred to as Real Life Experience or two years before they will consider me for surgery. That's not before I get surgery, it's before I see a psych who will put me on the waiting list to see a surgeon who will put me on a waiting list ...
The definition I have been given is it dates from when I have a legal name change and am "going to work as female". The second requirement is flexible enough to include students, but can be a problem for the unemployed or retired.
Really? I'm in the USA so I'd like to know how that is here. I've heard of clothing restrictions during RLE is that true?
Clothing restrictions? Awww - really?
Congrats on the "day of declaration" ;) - I know what you mean by this being arbitrary. Not always is there a day where you make a switch or something. For me it was like that too. I just kept pushing my presentation more to be perceived as a girl and when I came to the doc, he was telling me about RLE and that I'd have to dress as a woman everyday and so on. It was weird as I did not really see what I should change. Start to wear dresses or what? Some from the TG community said that indeed you have to "dress up" for the appointment even if you dont do as much otherweise. I am a bit of a rebel though so I thought no, screw that I will not play another role for other people like before I did the guy thing as everyone else wanted and now I am supposed to do a girl thing in a way that the therapist wants? I did not work a regular job at that time though, so I think for most the step is to go out of the private area into work and not pretend to be a man there anymore. Another major difference in RLE compared to before was for me to start insisting to be called by my new name and appropriate gender pronouns.
In Germany, therapists will usually demand about a year of living 24/7 in the felt gender role which was called RLT (real life test) back when I did this before they make a diagnosis of transsexuality at which point they will send people to an endocrinologist to administer HRT and then some more time is needed to determine if that is still going well plus to do some more analysis to give a letter for the surgeons. Name change is possible relatively soon, but gender entry is only changed after SRS. In my case it was a bit faster as I already DIYd hormones and basically came to the therapist already close to being in RLE. It was funny - I went there every month and all he did was ask me how I am doing. Fine I tell him. Maybe mention some ->-bleeped-<-ty things that happened like people misgendering me. He wanted to get a written report of me describing my past and what happened in relation to trans-issues. He was I think rather bored with it because he could not pick a lot on what I was doing, so the whole thing took less than 2 years. I think others have more issues if they have family or kids or a job that is important to them.
EDIT: What I just remembered - there is a difference between the US and Europe: Cars. In Europe usually even if you are not working you have to do some things and usually this is done by public transportation a lot if you are in a city, which also usually means living in a flat and not a house. So you cannot avoid interacting with people by using your car all the time. You are more in the open even if just doing private stuff. Maybe this is a reason why in th eUS there are more "demands" on RLT than in Europe? If that is so at all.
"Clothing restrictions"
There are still shrinks who understand "presenting as female" to mean "wearing a skirt" but fortunately not many. My advice would be to emphasise your femininity when you go to the clinic or whatever. If you wear jeans make sure they are girly jeans and not androgynous. I don't have any jeans so I don't have that problem.
Congratulations Julie,
Life will keep getting better for you as you process.
Quote from: MaryXYX on September 13, 2013, 08:38:27 AM
"Clothing restrictions"
There are still shrinks who understand "presenting as female" to mean "wearing a skirt" but fortunately not many.
What a quack! Sorry, but really if they had done such a thing to me, I dont know what I would have done. If I had no option, probably really do the "dress up" for the appointments - if there was no other therapist available... Ok I actually needed 2 for the paperwork and there were only 3 in the city and the one I did not chose I suspect was into such clothing stuff. I sure hope that this is not a rule anywhere but just depends on the therapist, right?
So happy for you and your "second coming out"!!
Have even MORE fun!
:D
Thanks everyone! I'm so happy I'm making this next step in transition. I know I don't pass really well and I'm just starting to get to an awkward stage where I'm starting to look more feminine and such. I choose to start my RLE not because I completely look the part but to affirm to myself who I am. It's an exciting prospect and I know with each day that I'm moving further to my end goal.
and question, I've talked to some of my friends, some are in full support while others are telling me I should wait until I look more feminine. I tell them I'm doing this to affirm my transition to myself and that to me it doesn't matter how much I pass. I just really want to do what I feel is right for me and to start my RLE makes perfect sense. It's not like I'm using it to rush into surgery next fall or anything, I just want to be happy. What do you guys think of my friends who are telling me to wait because I'm a tad torn?
They might be worried about how people will treat you, or they're just trying to get you to stall or change your mind.
I would say, that your pace is the one you are comfy with, not your friends or therapists pace. Almost a universal truth here when it comes to transitioning. As I said, I did this whole thing as a "smooth" change. I went from presenting male, to basically a spectrum of possibilities that people could interpret as they liked - some saw me as male, others as female, others did not know. This lead to people actually discussing my gender in front of me (talk about weird) and then at some point I shifted so much over to the female side that I decided to call it a real life experience. At that stage, I got enough effect of HRT as well to not really needing artificial breasts or anything like that. The benefit of that experience for me was that I did not have to feel too stressed out if I did not "pass" at first as I did not expect to 100%. So it was literally a transition in the sense of a slow but steady change. Ok not quite - admittably there were some leaps as well - some clothes I just had to muster courage to wear, same thing with some hairstyles and of course hiding facial hair and so on - I did not say it was easy, but for me it was easier than to say this day I present as male and the next I wear a skirt and tell all people to call me a woman. I think this is not a way that is possible for everyone or that fits for everyone but it was the way that worked for me.
This is a pace I'm comfortable at, I have been myself for almost a year really and my friends and family are continually transitioning with me. I feel that now it's an appropriate time for me to finally start. I'm finally comfortable enough with myself to be able to live as a woman full time. On the other hand some other of my friends are fully on board with me going ahead with this. Honestly I'm excited and plan to go ahead with myself, I can't let others dictate my actions.
Also for the year when I have been presenting as female I have yet to have any problems and it been going real smooth. I think these friends are just worried that I am in a rush for everything but this does not change my timeline at all.
Good for you then. Sounds like your situation is good and you know what your pace is. Perfect :) - and off you go ;)
Congratulations Julie! I'm thrilled for you :laugh:
If you're comfortable with presenting as female right now, go for it! Just be safe and don't go wandering around at night and such, but that goes for cis girls too. I can see your friends and family not wanting you to get hurt, but if you're ready you're ready ;)
Again happy for you!!!
Quote from: franie on September 13, 2013, 09:29:17 AM
Congratulations Julie,
Life will keep getting better for you as you process.
Franie, thank you for posting your pic. What nice breasts. I've been on & off HRT for years. My breasts are larger however they have not developed to your level. However I'm hopeful of more growth since I do not want false implants. Thanks again.
Good luck! I went full time at the beginning of August (I already was outside of work, couldn't face going to the office in male mode any more), best decision I ever made.
I was absolutely floored by the positive response from friends I'd not seen for a while/work colleagues, turns out I was scared for no good reason...
Congrats Julie,
Nice to see you around again.
Yes we do what WE are comfortable with. We live it and breathe it and everything it.
No one else has a clue how we feel.
I went from presenting as a male to full female from Friday to Monday. I was ready.
I'm the only one that mattered. What everyone else thinks is their problem, I had to go to a psychiatrist to be me, if they have problems let them go to their shrinks to learn how to be humans.
Having to wear a skirt during RLE!!!! OMG I know natal women who never wear skirts!! I see many who shouldn't ::) . I'm a woman, I wear what I want, that is my female privilege. If my shrink disagreed (which she wouldn't) I'd tell her to grow balls and wear a suit and tie every day; she'd be the only guy who did!!!
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on September 15, 2013, 03:58:51 AM
Congrats Julie,
Nice to see you around again.
Yes we do what WE are comfortable with. We live it and breathe it and everything it.
No one else has a clue how we feel.
I went from presenting as a male to full female from Friday to Monday. I was ready.
I'm the only one that mattered. What everyone else thinks is their problem, I had to go to a psychiatrist to be me, if they have problems let them go to their shrinks to learn how to be humans.
Having to wear a skirt during RLE!!!! OMG I know natal women who never wear skirts!! I see many who shouldn't ::) . I'm a woman, I wear what I want, that is my female privilege. If my shrink disagreed (which she wouldn't) I'd tell her to grow balls and wear a suit and tie every day; she'd be the only guy who did!!!
Cindy
That made my day :) don't get me wrong I love I cute dress or skirt, but I love me my jeans too :P
Quote from: Cindy on September 15, 2013, 03:58:51 AM
Having to wear a skirt during RLE!!!! OMG I know natal women who never wear skirts!! I see many who shouldn't ::) . I'm a woman, I wear what I want, that is my female privilege. If my shrink disagreed (which she wouldn't) I'd tell her to grow balls and wear a suit and tie every day; she'd be the only guy who did!!!
:laugh:
Indeed!
I know exactly one woman who 100% always wears a skirt and usually heels. She is the absolute exception. Looks good though on her, she has a good figure and is rather smal, so the heels make her a bit taller ;). I know some guys do wear suit and tie for work daily though, but not after work. I mean, if you have a job with ancient clothing rules that include the tie for men and skirts for women, that may be the only situation where I think a shrink can demand that you should as that job then has only two options how to present and you shoul choose the right one.
Thanks Cindy! That made me smile, I'm taking this by the horns and doing it my way.I'm happy and comfortable to be myself and it took me 2.5 years to be fully ready to do this and I have never been so proud :D