I don't seem to find anyone attractive anymore. When I used to think I was a guy, I was interested in women because I was fascinated by their breasts and lower regions, and loved the female form, soft skin and hair, etc.
Now I have breasts of my own, and in a few months I'll have female lower regions to go with them. My skin has become soft from HRT, and the idea of intimacy with a female seems to have lost its appeal and certainly its novelty.
I've never found men attractive. I'd hoped during my transition that might change, but it hasn't yet.
I'd like to start dating. I don't want to be alone and I still crave intimate physical contact (just don't know who I'd want it with).
I know a lot of trans people live an asexual life, but that's never been for me. Has anyone faced this issues?
Quote from: suzifrommd on September 28, 2013, 11:27:47 AM
I don't seem to find anyone attractive anymore. When I used to think I was a guy, I was interested in women because I was fascinated by their breasts and lower regions, and loved the female form, soft skin and hair, etc.
Now I have breasts of my own, and in a few months I'll have female lower regions to go with them. My skin has become soft from HRT, and the idea of intimacy with a female seems to have lost its appeal and certainly its novelty.
I've never found men attractive. I'd hoped during my transition that might change, but it hasn't yet.
I'd like to start dating. I don't want to be alone and I still crave intimate physical contact (just don't know who I'd want it with).
I know a lot of trans people live an asexual life, but that's never been for me. Has anyone faced this issues?
I went through that phase for awhile several years ago, met a guy and tried it on, but was repulsed by the whole thing and felt abused and brutalized. I went without any intimacy for ten years and took a lot of intense joy from the reflection of my physical bodily changes which resulted in some auto-erotica. Finally my spouse has brought me back around to where I find her extremely attractive and we have resumed intimacy again. The hormones run the brain from left side thinking to right side thinking and eventually things center, that's the best way I can describe it.
Quote from: suzifrommd on September 28, 2013, 11:27:47 AM
I don't seem to find anyone attractive anymore. When I used to think I was a guy, I was interested in women because I was fascinated by their breasts and lower regions, and loved the female form, soft skin and hair, etc.
Now I have breasts of my own, and in a few months I'll have female lower regions to go with them. My skin has become soft from HRT, and the idea of intimacy with a female seems to have lost its appeal and certainly its novelty.
I've never found men attractive. I'd hoped during my transition that might change, but it hasn't yet.
I'd like to start dating. I don't want to be alone and I still crave intimate physical contact (just don't know who I'd want it with).
I know a lot of trans people live an asexual life, but that's never been for me. Has anyone faced this issues?
How I understand this is you are fascinated by things that you don't have a personal experience of, which makes a lot of sense to me. Now that you have experience with both male and female physical characteristics, the attractiveness of it has faded. Perhaps now you will find fascination with something beyond the physical when you come across someone with a characteristic that you don't have personal experience with. That seems logical to me. I'm not saying that you had only cared about physical appearance before, just that that was a major point of attraction for you and now you have to find something to replace that with.
Actually it's been the opposite for me I was never really a sexual person to begin with. I was always into guys I tried liking women but it just never felt right. But since starting hrt my attraction towards men has only grown. In fact I would probably say hrt has finally given me the sexuality I always lacked before. But because of my current downstairs situation I'm kinda being forced into a celibate lifestyle for the time being. :-\
I've never felt a strong attraction to anyone. And when I did date a few and eventually marry, it was more an attraction to being "normal" like other people than so much an attraction to them. So after the last one ended 20 years ago, I've been ok without intimacy and all that. Sure sometimes, it might would be nice, but then I think about all the other crap that seems to have to come with it and realize that its not worth it to me. I don't know if it will ever change, even if someday I can get surgery. Starting hrt never did change any aspect about how I felt about it either.
Prior to transition I found women attractive but I didn't like putting my peg in the hole, doing that made me feel suicidal (at best) even though the peg thought it felt good.
I used to enjoy porn that had women in it but my fantasies were seldom about sexual intercourse. Before my parents had the fear of god put into me I enjoyed intimacy and sexual activities with my male friends. Later on when I was exploring transition timidly I absolutely loved being with my pre-op girlfriend. Just being in the same room with her pre-op parts gave me a wonderful sense of well-being. Lying in bed with her made me feel so good about life. When she told me she was going to have SRS it was like the floor fell out from under me.
I started dating guys, having sex with guys but not for the orgasms. I was with guys because it felt so good to be a woman in a relationship and for a while I saw a guy for financial reasons. Like many women it has been very difficult for me to experience orgasms especially before Chettawut fixed my vagina because Marci Bowers put my clitoris too low and off to one side, also having someone see my vagina was a source of shame once I began to realize how awful my results with Marci Bowers were. After I had my revision with Suporn I had my first orgasm during sex but I have not been dating anyone lately. Perhaps because I work in the adult industry I am less interested in sex? Like if someone worked at a skating rink maybe they might want to do something else besides skate?
Prior to transition it wasn't unusual for me to masturbate up to three (or more) times a day and I tended to masturbate at least once a day. Now I may go up to 11-12 days without masturbating and not think anything of it. It is good because before transition I felt like a slave to my penis and transition and HRT allowed me to feel a sense of relief from that slavery but I feel like it is bad because I am not driven to seek out a male partner except maybe that is normal for many women, I really have no idea?
Back before transition my favorite sexual activity with a woman was oral. Now that I have a vagina the idea of a man who just wants to give me oral is kinda nightmarish. Back before transition the idea of sex that lasted for hours sounded wonderful. Now that I have transitioned the idea of sex that lasts longer than 15 minutes sounds awful, even if I am unable to orgasm.
Sometimes I wonder if I should supplement testosterone in order to raise my libido. I remember long ago hearing other women who had transitioned talking about supplementing testosterone and thinking, "My god why would anybody do that, testosterone is such poison." But there have been times since then when I have taken DHEA for that purpose.
I still find nice skin attractive. I still find some women attractive and in the back of my brain I feel like I am still wired to associate sex and orgasms with visual images of women. I have heard that heterosexual women often times like to masturbate to images of women they find attractive even though they are not at all interested in sex with other women and I can relate to that.
Even though I don't consider myself a lesbian I think I could become lesbian quite easily if I had the right connection with another female. I really do like penises though and I always have, there is just something amazing about being with someone who has a penis. I don't even know if I could be with another person at this point. Maybe I snore. I have allergies, maybe that would turn someone off. I am so used to being alone. One thing I have really noticed is that before transition I was able to masturbate a lot easier if there was porn in the room or images of females but more and more it is like porn and images tend to make it much more difficult for me to orgasm. Sex is weird.
I have been more or less asexual most of my life. Yes there were time I did the male thing. At least four time, hence my children. hehe
But mostly I only like being held and loved. Sex not so much. Since HRT I am more into guys, but I don't date. I don't even know how to date.
Quote from: Kate G on September 28, 2013, 12:14:09 PM
Sometimes I wonder if I should supplement testosterone in order to raise my libido. I remember long ago hearing other women who had transitioned talking about supplementing testosterone and thinking, "My god why would anybody do that, testosterone is such poison." But there have been times since then when I have taken DHEA for that purpose.
Nice commentary Kate, love your introspective honesty hon! I clicked on this comment above because even cis women require their own bodily produced T to have any libido at all, and those who become post menopausal and whose ovaries have shriveled up like raisins often use a small amount of topically applied T to increase libido. Trans women kill off all the T they can to achieve physical changes during transition and come to regard it as the boogy man, but following an SRS or orchiectomy their libido oftentimes flatlines completely and there is no desire for sexual intimacy whatsoever. I have to use a tiny amount of topical T applied behind where my gonads formerly resided to feel any desire to be close to another person. We are not unlike post menopausal women once we become post-op, so it only stands to reason that if we need the same maintenance HRT they do, then the fix for zero libido is the same too. I had this conversation here some time ago with post SRS women who had low libido, one gal had a boyfriend who was interested in test driving her new equipment but she wasn't interested until she took my advice and they have become a happy sexually active couple and she is enjoying orgasms.
No, this never happened to me. I've always been attracted to men and it never really changed even though I tried really hard to "pray the gay away", lol). Having said that, hrt has impacted my libido. Honestly, I don't mind it because I've always had baggage with this issue. There is nothing wrong with a healthy sexuality, but I don't know if I can ever indulge until SRS because I have a lot of dysphoria. On the other hand, I really do want a boyfriend and realize there are expectations with romance.
Suzi, you describe where I'm at almost to a tee. I must admit though, I find it fascinating to have been so attracted to women prior to E and have that completely disappear now. Was this all the result of what T was forcing my brain to do?
Anyway, I say almost because in the past few months, I have noticed the odd guy... Not many at all, just the odd one. And I can't figure out what it is about them which grabs my attention... but I see to like what I see. Frankly, it's a bit scary that there may be some sexuality buried in me that I never knew about. Also, at the moment the thought of intimacy or the thought of a guy's pecker is quite repulsive. But that might be because I'm not whole just yet.
Whichever sexuality I end up with is just fine. Even if that's asexual ( although I hope it's not ).
Hmm - I was rather asexual as well. The first relationship of my life I had while transitioning and that was with another transwoman, then two women after that - it never really worked out, in part for sure because my expectation to get over the asexual thing after SRS did not really play out like that. So for the past 10 years I had no relationship really and feel confuse as well in terms of attraction. I feel some for both but very different. For example I always had some blood rushing when I was being held by a guy, even before transition and even when I dont really know that guy that much, but somehow that happens. But then I find much about guys not attractive. I sometimes fantasized about sex with a guy and this works for masturbation to a degree. But what really confuses me is that if I think about really having a relationship, I think I would much more likely want that with a woman. Also some aspects of lesbian sex are just much more attractive than hetero - more soft and caring touching and such.
Overall I am quite confused and my therapists tried to convince me to go out and try it both ways to see what works for me but I somehow got overwhelmed and rather stayed more or less asexual. I wish it was not like that, but I am also not terribly sad about it either, but it gets lonely at times.
Ooookay, weird, second try on this.
A fully masculinized brain that can be attracted to women basically can work on visual queues alone. Boobs or butts snap a guy's eye to them like they have magnets inside. It's just the way that a male's attraction reflex works. In milliseconds, a guy can pick out whether he finds the woman attractive or not. This was largely the case for me, pre transition. I've always been able to see guys as attractive but there wasn't that instant "OMG LETS DO THINGS IN BED" reflex so, I knew something about the other side of attraction before transitioning.
After about six or so months on HRT, the visual reflexes went away. Boobs and butts and curves and pretty faces just stopped being something that I'd notice unless they were particularly stunning in some way and, even then, it was more a 'notice' thing rather than an 'attraction' thing. Guys steadily got more and more easy to admire and girls didn't diminish, per se, so much as the auto-objectification that a masculinized brain pulls off just disappeared (OMG YAY).
I'm pretty eager to engage new people personally and, what I found is that, when meeting someone new, I had to *like* them as a person before I could even start to look at them romantically or sexually and I had to want them romantically before I'd want them sexually. When you look at it, it's a pretty standard pattern of female attraction. Now, over time, I was able to find ways around this, for example if I was just itching to get laid and wanted to do something about that (this almost exclusively applies to wanting guys in bed) but, really, when it comes to someone you want to be with on any kind of real level, they have to pass through the gates.
Now that I've been there and done that for a bit, what I find is that the instincts that put all those levels of attraction in there are something I can trust. They're comfortable and make it easy to not treat the world as some kind of bizarre smorgasbord of possible hook-ups. They also make being friends with girls and guys really very easy because, unless a friendship blooms into something more, we're just people and not romantic objects.
That said, once *in* an attraction to someone or *in* a place where I'm open to someone sexually, objectification can and has happened so, even still, I try to make sure to focus on the person and not the attraction right up to the point where we're lost in the moment.
Hope that this explains things a bit. What you're going through is normal and typical but it *is* a new set of plumbing for you to figure out even before you have the pipes refitted, so to speak. (ha HAAA... analogies)
P.S. - Alllll that said, my sex drive, even on a full and very steady dose of HRT for four years? Completely fine and still very high or higher. Just works differently.
P.P.S. - learningtolive: I'll say this. Being with a guy pre-op can be wonderful, you just have to open yourself up a bit while accepting where you're at in your transition process. Word to the wise though: practice beforehand. Making love in that way takes some getting used to. It also takes a good deal of lubricant so, read up of you're going to try. Juuuust my 2ยข on that topic.
Yeah Victoria, Thats probably about right. I did not have too much of the visual thing before I think, usually much more was going on in my mind. I did and still do have a thing for being touched though. I always thought that I would get sexual relationships in that way as you describe - basically get to know someone and then it develops into attraction and then maybe more. It never happened really though, but probably that is because I am not really good at starting such a relationship at all - I mean also not without any intention of it going further. Thats why I am still single and starting to worry bout it. Too many gates to pass I guess. Still if I get to know some people, I never had that feeling that I wanted this to develop further. Maybe I just did not get "the right one" into that part of my social life - I dont know. Maybe something else keeps me from being attracted at that stage. Its not that I had not people that somehow I felt showed interest in me. Though at times I dod not notice until someone came along telling me that some guy actually was interested in me and I completely ignored that. Often enough I did that deliberatly though. Overall I find this whole thing rather confusing, though. I guess not having a proper puberty messes a lot of things up that way. Maybe I never developed the neurons for all of this :(
anjaq, couple of things here:
One: *touching*.... mmmmm yes. Just sayin.
Two: While the path that I set out there is the thing that happens, it can happen quickly and has happened in the past. The best way to get it to happen, however, is to be brave. My mom's a sassy cuss. I always admired the Elizabeth Bennet character types and strong women were pretty much all that I paid attention to. Being strong, confident, and in full knowledge of who you are, what you want, and what you don't is the basis of guys being attracted to you, no matter how you look (HA, betcha didn't see that coming post transition!) The only chicks who get to pull the "come hither and bow before me" schtick are the ones that look like Aphrodite in an afterglow. They exist but it starts not working as much in their late 20s and then, a lot of the time, they're pretty screwed.
Well... or you could just dress lutty and look easy... that works too but the result generally isn't worth the time it takes to do the makeup. The peeps who want that aren't really very... interested in your pleasure.
Hehe - I must say the touching thing can be really tricking me. It sometimes happens even with guys I dont really find attractive at all, this freaks me out a bit like I tell my body "stop it, I dont want anything from THAT guy and he actually is grabbing my waist without me asking him, that is not right" - but body refuses to follow that.
The #2 - well... I hope maybe it will. I think I severely lack that self confidence and such even 13 years post op I am still quite not feeling strong and confident as a woman. I have some self image problems. And having not the best voice does not improve that. I got a lot better now though, as I am doing a recap sort of of my transition, induced in part by a close friend detransitioning after the same time I am in it. I found that exploring this helped me to actually confirm my identity among other things, so thats good. What i just have no clue AT ALL about is if I would be attracted to a woman or man if I would finally get into a situation it happens. And i kind of fear that I will miss the attraction and not follow up on it because its just a tiny voice ;)