Hi everyone !
my name is Christina,i'm 17 and i came out yesterday night around 9 to my mom. Although soon after my coming up she really didn't took me seriously today was rather different...So the morning was quite all right we talked about the fact that i badly wanted to be a woman since i was 12 but thing quickly change and turned into a total bashing.she told me that i would destroy my life,that there's no way a trans person could live in this world,etc,etc.
So she always knew my carrier plan.I wanna be a singer,actress,manga/comic artist and a martial arts expert and frankly and i'm like really but really good at those 4 things,I'm more than an excellent singer and music compositor,i can make a johnny depp or emma watson portrait in less then 30 minutes,i'm a good gymnast and an excellent taekwondo practitioner (so i'm flexible as ->-bleeped-<- !) and i told her that for my safety a would try to become a star has a boy but when i'll have enough money to ensure my economic safety and protection she keep telling me that it's was impossible,that there's absolutely not a single transsexual person who is respected by someone.when i talked about my favorite trans-woman singer Ai haruna she just said ''she's a damn circus freak like all of you people don't become a monster just like her''.I was pretty upset that she called my idol a circus freak but still didn't reacted.She's extremely religious too,she also told me that what i wanted to be was against god will's and it's was against the nature so i would burn to hell.for her there's no way an LGBT person can be a good person.
So has you can see she's pretty closed minded and a bit ignorant too since for her there's absolutely no difference between a gay person and trans person.I didn't tell me older brother yet since he doesn't really own any personality of his own.if my mom tell to him that something is alright with is childish logic he'll believe her.To confirm what i'm saying once a wanted to fool him by giving him a really old,stinky and expired cookie and told him it's was still good,because a said it he was really starting to eat it but i stop him before he ate it all.the worse part is that he's 23 FTM.
and now at the exact moment that i'm writing this thread my mom who know's a little bit about fortune telling.she always told me that a black mark on the side of my the ''lign of heart'' mean that i could have heart problem in a certain moment in my life and a moment ago she just told me that she now's understand.my heart problem will be due to the HRT and hope that if i start to transition i'd die.As you can now i'm really scared since she apparently really hate me now and when i think about it i already had some minor heart problem (really nothing serious).Could HRT really kill me ? what so ever in brief she told me that if i was to die she and my brother wouldn't cry me at all.But what really upset me the most is the fact that for now 3 years i took all the family chords to my back.For now 3 years i was the one who always cook,clean up the house,buy the food and etc.So before coming out i though she was really loving me but since yesterday i realize she does not.
In brief i'm stock with an hypocrite mother and an older brother with absolutely no personality at all.Do anyone has already lived that ? can HRT really kill me ? since i will be 18 in 2 month should i go live on my own ? is being a transgender in Canada safer ?
thank's for reading my ridiculously strange life !
ps: English isn't my first language so sorry if i made spelling mistake ;D
Hi Christina and welcome.
I'm really sorry to hear that your family is being so xenophobic about this. It is likely that if they were not this way before you came out then perhaps it is just the denial stage of the five steps of grieving. Hopefully they are strong enough to get through this and still be your family.
I'd suggest if I may that you do some more planning before bringing up the topic to them again. You will need to come up with a plan to get your through this. In many places we use a therapist with gender identy experience to help make that plan. In Canada I'm not sure what the process is but there are resources here to help you find out.
I'm really sorry that your mom is not accepting :(
This sounds exactly like my worst fears about my family. I'm 17 ( 18 within the week ) and I haven't come out yet. You are a much braver person than I am hon. I would advise surrounding yourself with LGBT friendly people and if your mom doesn't come around, be prepared to move out after high school graduation. I'm assuming you're a senior in high school by your age so college is just around the corner. If you have the grades, college might be your ticket out. If you are not going to college I would still highly recommend moving out if you don't feel safe at home ( your mom not caring if you die is a good indication that you are not safe at home ). Just out of curiosity, what religion does your mother follow?
About your heart, I don't know too much about it but it's possible that your mom is just trying to scare you. I would research into the effects of Hormone Replacement Therapy before you start, and also make sure to bring up heart problems with your endocrinologist once you get to that point ( don't self medicate, its dangerous ).
I'm not sure about LGBT friendliness in Canada but I'm assuming it will vary depending on where you go. A place such as Montreal will most likely have more accepting people than in some small close knit community of a few thousand people.
I live in California, and even though it's well known for being LGBT friendly, I'm still scared too come out yet. That being said, I've put transition on hold until I graduate high school. You are a brave person for coming out! According to a lot of trans people, that's the hardest part. So keep going, get educated on what you need to transition and then take that knowledge and put it into action. Best of luck :)