Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: _wut_ on October 02, 2013, 04:39:50 PM

Title: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: _wut_ on October 02, 2013, 04:39:50 PM
I need a bit of advice.
  I've been talking to this guy, and we've both made it clear that we like each other.

He thinks I'm a biological male, but I think he should know that I'm not.
  I don't know if I should tell him or not, or when/how to tell him.

Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 02, 2013, 06:20:32 PM
Sorry for the vague answer, but #1 honesty is the best policy. Can't build a trusting relationship without trust. As for the timing, be honest and tell him before the relationship goes too far. If found out much later there is the potential for violence or other adverse reactions to the news. Hope this helps a little?
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Tessa James on October 02, 2013, 06:32:03 PM
I agree with Jessica. I enjoyed dating guys in the past but found that many guys can readily do the hook up thing.  It may serve you well to get used to a slow and deliberate kind of romance?  Talking things over, getting to know each other in different and fun situations first may help.

In my opinion you do not owe anyone an explanation about your gender identity or what is between your legs.  However, if you feel that you two are going further and intimacy is a likely event it is far more enjoyable to have a sense of trust and safety IMO.

Good luck

Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Ltl89 on October 02, 2013, 08:24:20 PM
It's up to you.  I believe that honesty is the best policy, but some don't believe they should have to disclose.  If you choose to disclose, however, you don't need to do so right away.  Some people choose early on in a relationship, but after a few dates.  That way you get to know each other and tell them once you are certain you would like to pursue it further.  I haven't it done it myself, but that's my plan.  Good luck!
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: _wut_ on October 04, 2013, 02:51:38 PM
i don't know.

Its like I'm terrified to tell him, which is stupid..

I've easily told other people, but trying to tell him is difficult.
And it shouldn't be, i don't think..
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 04, 2013, 02:54:58 PM
You will be more terrified if he finds out from someone else. You never know how people will react! Be careful brother! You're family now and I would miss you if it went wrong. Don't hurt yourself or your sister (me). Tell him
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: _wut_ on October 04, 2013, 02:59:31 PM
i guess you're right.
   Its just, what if he don't like me anymore? I guess that's what scares me.. i dont know.



And, I don't plan on hurting anyone. don't like hurting people.
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 04, 2013, 03:01:24 PM
Then it was not meant to be. I know you would not hurt him, but he may get enraged if he finds out from someone else and you may not see him coming.
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: _wut_ on October 04, 2013, 03:05:48 PM
You're right..

I probaly should've already told him.. Might as well get it over with though.
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 04, 2013, 03:08:17 PM
Don't think it is doom and gloom yet, brother. It might go well, OK? BIG HUG
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: _wut_ on October 04, 2013, 03:54:18 PM
Now to wait on a response.. waiting is probably the hardest part. :\
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 04, 2013, 04:42:40 PM
I applaud you're courage little brother. Hang in there. It is not over yet, you might be pleasantly surprised. Wishing you the best.
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: bethanyjadefowell on October 04, 2013, 05:48:45 PM
You need to tell them the right way at the right time. First you'd tell him you use to be female and why you HAD to change your gender. Also if you've had GRS or not. you would need to tell him this. Because, he will ask what you have down there.

Should it matter to him what you have down there? Yes or No. How can you have sex, if he does not like what you have?

If you have had GRS then it should be fine (if he's ok with who you use to be)
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: _wut_ on October 04, 2013, 10:09:42 PM
He still hasn't said anything.. and the waiting for an answer is killing me. .-.

Also, thanks everyone for helping me out.
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Jessica Merriman on October 04, 2013, 10:11:11 PM
Hang in there Bro!
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: _wut_ on October 04, 2013, 11:48:15 PM
I think he's okay with it.. not sure.

He asked if it was a bad thing.. I told him that i didnt think it was, and asked what he thought.

So, maybe I was nervous for nothing, haha.
Title: Re: Can someone give me a bit of advice?
Post by: Ltl89 on October 05, 2013, 05:41:30 PM
Quote from: _wut_ on October 04, 2013, 11:48:15 PM
I think he's okay with it.. not sure.

He asked if it was a bad thing.. I told him that i didnt think it was, and asked what he thought.

So, maybe I was nervous for nothing, haha.

Awesome, I hope it works out! :)